prank prep
Chapter Notes
See the end of the chapter for notes
Monday, 11:23 am
“Scrappy doo anti-stans”
Fred says fuck renamed the group “best holiday plans aye”
Fred says fuck: ok what’s the move for wednesday
Fred says fuck: i already have ideas but this is a Team Effort
Oh no my glASSes: tim I thought we were doing Annoy Elias Day on the fifteenth .
Scooby snacc: ^yeah :/ … otherwise wouldn’t it be too soon from the one we did this month? And he might suspect something?
Fred says fuck: no no im talking about april fool’s day
Fred says fuck: smh
Fred says fuck: we’re getting jon this time, we prank him so much less than he deserves
Fred says fuck: [sent image: a handwritten list, some sections crossed out, some vigorously underlined. Pen strokes connect different ideas in the list. In the margins are stick-figure doodles of the archival assistants, each wearing sunglasses and posing.]
Oh no my glASSes: all right yeah i was wondering earlier why you actually looked invested in your work .
Fred says fuck: mystery solved *finger guns*
Scooby snacc: this is so comprehensive!! :o
Scooby snacc: didn’t we already do some of this tho? to elias?
Oh no my glASSes: “gradually put more and more worms on a string into his office” hmmm repeating pranks i see .
Fred says fuck: shhh sasha i was just putting down what came to mind, its like a mind map,, i know not all of them are ace plus
Oh no my glASSes: nerd .
Fred says fuck: no u
Fred says fuck: just look at the starred ones, those are the best
Oh no my glASSes: “have martin ‘forget’ to bring jon tea”
Scooby snacc: :0
Oh no my glASSes: that’s cruel .
Fred says fuck: sash youre grinning ear to ear rn i can see you
Oh no my glASSes: i didn’t say it was a bad idea, i just said it was cruel . i actually think this is one of the more subtle-yet-effective ones you’ve come up with .
Scooby snacc: wait but!! what if he thinks about it every day afterward, when i bring him tea?? i dont want him to associate a dumb prank with me specifically forever :((((
Fred says fuck: marty boy he already treats you so bad, dont you want to get back at him
Scooby snacc: no? :c
Oh no my glASSes: um ? tim ? bold of you to assume martin would be able to physically resist bringing tea to someone who wanted tea, especially his gay crush ! shame on you .
Scooby snacc: 0/////0
Fred says fuck: ok fair,,,, moving on
Oh no my glASSes: i like this one: “cover every surface of jon’s workspace with that cursed photo of elias”
Oh no my glASSes: as if they aren’t all cursed .
Fred says fuck: ok you’re not wrong but
Fred says fuck: you know the one im taking about
Scooby snacc: oh! is it the one where he’s looking over his shoulder at the cam?? And he has that Look ™ in his eyes?
Fred says fuck: yeah the “come hither” look. i fucken,,, shUDDER jus thinking about it
Fred says fuck: and jon hates it sm, it’s incredible
Oh no my glASSes: yes I remember he came in and yelled at you for emailing it to him, he looked like his soul had left his body . honestly thought he was going to pass out .
Scooby snacc: i tried so hard not to laugh!! I think i started tearing up at some point!
Fred says fuck: ok you both seem on board for this one so lets goooo
Fred says fuck: i’ll send the photo, print as many as you possibly can
Oh no my glASSes: bet .
Scooby snacc: yes!
Fred says fuck: this is going to be so good
4:33 pm
Scooby snacc: hi so!! You know how i just went to follow up on a statement for jon, and we all thought the person’s name sounded familiar??
Oh no my glASSes: dont tell me, their name has been subliminally printed on our brains since birth ? and they plan to take over the world ? am i right or ?
Fred says fuck: i know you’re a conspiracy ho and i love that about you but now is the time to Stop, Get Some Help
Oh no my glASSes: sorry , i cant read suddenly , i dont know
Scooby snacc changed Oh no my glASSes ’s name to Conspiracy ho
Conspiracy ho: martin !
Fred says fuck: he really just paused in his typing to do that
Fred says fuck: the absolute legend
Scooby snacc: So it turns out their family owns a ton of different parks!! like not picnic parks, i mean rides, games, stuff like that. And after we talked (they taught me so much about embroidery, wow!) they said they enjoyed speaking with me, and that their family just opened an indoor waterpark and if i wanted, i could bring a few friends and we’d all get free admission !! :)))
Conspiracy ho: !!!!
Fred says fuck: wh
Fred says fuck: martin HOW
Scooby snacc: i dunno, we just had a really nice conversation!! :D
Conspiracy ho: um martin’s charms are irresistible ?? that’s how . obviously .
Fred says fuck: god. you’re right, and i am a fool
Conspiracy ho changed “best holiday plans aye” to “The Magnus Institute - Water Level”
Fred says fuck: nooo dont make this bad
Conspiracy ho: everything’s already weird in the archives, maybe that means our version of the water level would be fun .
Fred says fuck: airtight logic
Conspiracy ho: shut up .
Conspiracy ho: when are we going ?
Scooby snacc: i cant this weekend :( i need to catch up on some things
Conspiracy ho: i cant do the weekend after, family’s coming over .
Fred says fuck: date tbd then?
Scooby snacc: ok!!
Conspiracy ho: yep .
Fred says fuck: we have other stuff to focus on anyway … such as certain pranks….
Scooby snacc: um.. pranks plural?
Fred says fuck: prank*
Conspiracy ho: ……..
Conspiracy ho: you’re going to prank us too, aren’t you ? wow . your own squad .
Scooby snacc: tim!! D:
Fred says fuck: no comment
Sasha to Martin
Sasha: i know we said we were going to put red pepper flakes in tim’s lunch
Sasha: (and we’re still going to do that )
Sasha: but i think we should also put hot sauce in the milk we give him afterward .
Martin: haha yes!!
Martin: and then, at the end of the day, when he’s had enough time to recover, we slip some in his water bottle
Sasha: i
Martin: >:D
Sasha: …..im so glad you’re on /my/ prank team jfc
Tim to Martin
Tim: poor naive sasha
Tim: just wait till she opens the glitter bomb
Tim: she’ll be expecting something more elaborate, but little does she know we’re goin traditional/classic this year, yeah?
Martin: tim, hear me out. what if we gave her….*two* glitter bombs
Martin: she definitely won’t suspect the second one!!
Tim: ….you’re a genius. an evil genius.
Tim: thank god you’re on my team, marty boy
Martin: ;)
Chapter End Notes
EDIT Feb 18 2023: Hi hi, if you're reading this whole fic, or even if you just read this chapter and want to escape while you still can, welcome to insanity! It's a whirlwind. It's bizarre. It's often fun and cute, but people now have me on their hit list for some parts.
Regardless of the particularities of the scene that gets you into a "must rant" state of mind - if you would like to leave a comment, please do!! They show up in my email and I love them, I read them more or less immediately. However post-college life has given me a lot to do, and a lot of new priorities. In latter chapters I always say that I will respond to each and every comment, and I still want to do this. It just may take me a laughably long time. But do know that your comment will have been read, laughed and grinned at, and given the full flush of my adoration a looooong while before the response comes in.
Happy reading! :-)
april fool's day
Chapter Summary
The gang lets loose their pranks; Martin plays both sides and lights things on fire.
Chapter Notes
So your response to chapter 1 was so, so incredible, and sweet, and honestly very helpful for my motivation. Thank you all for your kudos and comments, they really brighten up my day.
I hope you enjoy this new chaotic chapter!
See the end of the chapter for more notes
Wednesday, 5:23 am
“best holiday plans aye”
Fred says fuck changed his name to Prank god
Prank god: i hate the fact that im conscious rn but it’ll be worth it to see the boss’s reaction amiright fellas
Prank god: this absolutely sucks though fr
Prank god: it’s so freaky to be in the archives, alone, before the sun’s up. It’s dead silent guys. Im gonna get murdered while hanging up pictures of elias, and that’s the fucking worst thing i can think of. You’d better get here soon
Scooby snacc: coming!! Im just getting to the entrance :))
Scooby snacc: i thought i saw sasha come in ahead of me tho?
Prank god: where u at sash
Prank god: umMM i just heard something drop wtfthefuk
Prank god: marto get in here i cant die like this!!!!
Prank god: martin?? hello???
Sasha to Martin
Sasha: I’ve got him distracted , operation spice is a go .
Martin: omg!!
Martin: ok :D
Tim to Martin
Tim: ok jfc it was only sasha trying to freak me out
Tim: key word ‘trying’
Tim: ive got her distracted, wanna do the honours for her first surprise of the day?
Martin: oh, um ok!! Ill be just a mo
6:23 am
“best holiday plans aye”
Conspiracy ho: Jons coming
Scooby snacc: i have never seen tim run so fast-
Prank god: Im at the window ok im just waiting im waiting for him to walk in
Conspiracy ho: Poor guy looks half asleep, too . he’s about to get such whiplash
Conspiracy ho: Imagine being barely awake and then you walk into a kaleidoscope of horny elias
Prank god: f
Scooby snacc: f
Prank god: heS COMING IN
Prank god: hang on im recording this han g on
6:31 am
Prank god: today,,,, we have been given a gift
Prank god: and that gift is the Look on the bossman’s face when he saw the glorious metamorphosis of his workspace. bless
Prank god: [sent a video: taken through a window. Tim and Martin whisper with growing excitement as Jon strides toward his desk, scrubbing a hand over his face. A few steps away, he stops, abruptly. His gaze sharpens. He looks at the pile of wallet-sized Eliases littering his desk, at the countless Eliases smirking down at him from the surrounding shelves, at the framed Elias perched provocatively on the seat of his chair. His expression is mostly shrouded by loose strands of dark hair, but his stance is fight-or-flight, and he wears a grimace of utter confusion and disgust and horror.]
Conspiracy ho: Im so mad i missed this part but at least i got there in time to see him literally put on latex gloves before starting to take them down .
Conspiracy ho: As though he were dealing with hazardous waste material .
Prank god: what, he wasn’t?
Conspiracy ho: Ok true .
Scooby snacc: hm. too bad he didn’t get them all.
Prank god: ok jesus martin you need to give us warning before you deadpan sarcasm, i almost blacked out
Prank god changed Scooby snacc ’s name to A Danger to Society
A Danger to Society: :3
Prank god: martin you scare me so much sometimes
Prank god: but anyway yeah, thank u @ conspiracy ho for doing the lord’s work and continuing jon’s experience of cursed horny elias all day, maybe even all week
Conspiracy ho: What can i say ? I’m brilliant .
Conspiracy ho: Photos of elias hidden in increasingly unlikely places = the gift that keeps on giving .
10:56 am
A Danger to Society: tea’s up!! I’ll bring it over in a second :))
Conspiracy ho: Ta martin ! Good luck delivering to jon .
Prank god: ^^^oof please dont die marto, i cant live without your tea
A Danger to Society: <3
Prank god: there he goes
Prank god: wait
Prank god: someone else is in there??
Prank god: oh god, oh fuckc
Conspiracy ho: Wait im on my way back what is it ??
Prank god: sasha
Prank god: it’s elias. elias is in there
Conspiracy ho: Oh s h i t .
Prank god: our boy really tried to backtrack when he saw it was him but it was too late
Conspiracy ho: He’s gone tim, there was nothing you could do .
Prank god: rip in peace marto ;’(
Conspiracy ho: Even in this moment of mourning our boy , you couldn’t help but do a winky face ? shame on you .
Conspiracy ho: You know if elias found out about the photos and is giving martin a telling off , he’s definitely coming for you next .
Prank god: right uhh im off to the second floor, to um, scan something
Conspiracy ho: Sure .
11:01 am
A Danger to Society: um where’d you guys go? Your tea’s getting cold ://
Prank god: marto!!
Prank god: we thought you were dead so we’re hiding from elias’s wrath
Conspiracy ho: Speak for yourself, i’m preoccupying myself outside of the vicinity .
Prank god: *hiding with style
Conspiracy ho: Shhh
Conspiracy ho: So martin what happened in there ??
A Danger to Society: well when i came in they were talking about the photos!! I dont know how elias knew but he was telling jon that they couldnt just be put in the bin, they had to be destroyed? elias was looking pretty pale, i asked him if he was ok and he said he just had a migraine? Jon was ...pretty angry. I know he knew i helped with the photos :(( he was glaring at me.
A Danger to Society: i felt bad bc he was saying he had better things to do than destroy a bunch of photos? And i know he hates wasting time….So i said i could do it, it was no trouble. They kind of looked at me for a second? Then elias told me that was fine, so i took the bin and left
A Danger to Society: and now im taking it up to the roof to burn it >:)
Prank god: SHGKSFS
Conspiracy ho: Oh my god .
Prank god: was this all some convoluted scheme, just so you could commit arson?
A Danger to Society: no, things just worked out that way!! :D
Conspiracy ho: Ok , early lunch break on the roof , everyone grab your food .
Prank god: if only we could have a real cookout
Prank god: roast marshmallows or something
Conspiracy ho: Would you really consume food cooked on the flames of horny elias
Prank god: ok just puked in my mouth a little
Prank god: ive seen the error of my ways
Conspiracy ho: Grateful for that .
11:28 am
Prank god: fUCK YOU GUYS
Prank god: you said there was milk in the fridge where is it????
A Danger to Society: it’s in a cup!! :p
Conspiracy ho: I even labeled it ‘Tim’ smh
Prank god: j e sus WHAT
Prank god: is this milk fckin spicy ????
Prank god: i am pANTING over the kitchen sink i am on the verge of death
A Danger to Society: drink water from the faucet
Conspiracy ho: m a r t i n
Prank god: im doing it i dont care my mouth is on fire
Conspiracy ho: [sent an image: On the roof, Tim and Martin sit near a dwindling fire, its flames curling up from pile of crumpled, blackened photos. Tim has taken a large bite out of his sandwich. Martin watches Tim with an expectant smile as Tim’s expression snaps to outright panic.]
Conspiracy ho: I will forever cherish this image .
A Danger to Society: same!!
Conspiracy ho: How ya doin tim ?
Conspiracy ho: At least the water isn’t spicy , right ?
Prank god: jon walked in
Prank god: i was drinking water dIRECTLY from the faucet
A Danger to Society: o h no!!!
Conspiracy ho: Tim youd better not be lying about this , this is the funniest thing i have ever in my life heard .
Prank god: even from his officE he heard me sprint in. and he thought there was an emergency
Prank god: he gave me the most withering look, and that’s saying something by jon’s standards
Prank god: i hope youre both happy
A Danger to Society: sasha’s laughing too hard to type. She said to tell you: “yes, we are.” :)
Tim to Martin
Tim: traitor
Martin: i have done nothing wrong in my life ever :))
Tim: smh
Tim: ill forgive you if you get sasha to finally look in her work mailbox, she needs to get her comeuppance
Martin: deal!!
11:59 am
“best holiday plans aye”
Conspiracy ho: i
Conspiracy ho: You’re helping me clean this up .
Prank god: hmm. no
A Danger to Society: ive kinda got a lot of work to do? sorry
Conspiracy ho: No youre not
A Danger to Society: it is possible that i am not
Conspiracy ho: My workspace looks like tinkerbell exploded all over it !
Prank god: i thought you liked fae aesthetic
Conspiracy ho: I just washed my arms and face for five minutes and there is STILL glitter EVERYWHERE .
Conspiracy ho: I am honestly afraid to see how little the archive’s fifteen y/o vacuum does for what’s stuck in the carpet. this is . Traumatic .
Prank god: statement of sasha james regarding the trauma of some sparkles
A Danger to Society: who would win? A super competent professional researcher -or- one explodey glitter boi ?
Prank god changed Conspiracy ho ’s name to Sparkle cryptid
Sparkle cryptid: Im just glad neither of you got photo evidence of the moment i opened it .
Sparkle cryptid: It’s the little things .
Prank god: you’re too quick for us, sasha james.
Sparkle cryptid changed Prank god ’s name to Defeated by One (1) Pepper Flake
Defeated by One (1) Pepper Flake: excuse you
Defeated by One (1) Pepper Flake: there were at least two pepper flakes in there
Sparkle cryptid: If it helps you sleep at night .
2:01 pm
Defeated by One (1) Pepper Flake: do you guys know where my water bottle went?
Sparkle cryptid: No ?
A Danger to Society: did you leave it up on the roof? :/
Defeated by One (1) Pepper Flake: ugh maybe
2:08 pm
Defeated by One (1) Pepper Flake: not here
A Danger to Society: aw oh no :(
Sparkle cryptid: The faucet’s waiting for you tim .
Defeated by One (1) Pepper Flake: im NOT drinking from the faucet again
Defeated by One (1) Pepper Flake: it’s around here somewhere
4:40 pm
Martin to Sasha
Martin: ill create a distraction, then you can put his water bottle back :)
Sasha: Perfect .
Martin to Tim
Martin: ill create a distraction so you can put the “work envelope” on her desk :)
Tim: sounds good marty boy
Martin to Sasha
Martin: ok go ahead!!
Martin to Tim
Martin: coast is clear >:)
5:03 pm
“Best holiday plans aye”
A Danger to Society: [sent an image: Tim, slightly blurred with movement, has knocked over his chair in his haste to stand, and is now running to the office kitchen, one hand to his mouth, the other clutching his water bottle.]
A Danger to Society: [sent an image: Sasha’s face is of pure bewilderment. She sits at her desk, her spine straight as a rod, as the contents of the “work envelope” erupt in a cheerful cloud of glitter, dousing her workspace, her lap, her front, and her already sparkling hair.]
A Danger to Society: ;)
5:29 pm
Sasha to Tim
Sasha: We've been played . We've been played so hard .
Sasha: I have to ride the tube looking like this .
Tim: my throat is never going to recover
Tim: and yeah seriously,,,who knew he had it in him??
Sasha: Did you notice that martin is the only person who didn’t get negatively affected today ?
Sasha: Even elias got caught up in jon’s prank .
Sasha: And that wasn’t even intentional .
Tim: i knoww. And it’s not like we can do anything to him, it’d be like,,,morally wrong somehow.
Tim: like trying to enact vengeance on a bunny rabbit
Tim: maybe the rabbit’s a menace. Doesn’t matter, you’d still feel like shit if you did anything
Sasha: You’re not wrong .
Sasha: He’s untouchable and he knows it .
Tim: smug bastard
Sasha: Wait .
Sasha: Tim
Sasha: i know how to get back at him .
Tim: um please share??
Sasha: Well we’d both feel too weird doing anything *actively* mean, because he’s honestly just too baby .
Tim: yeah unfortunately
Sasha: But what if we did something that would help him in the long run
Sasha: It would just kind of …. torture him along the way ?
Sasha: I mean, we’re dealing with two complete dumbasses, tim . do you honestly think anything will happen between them if they don’t get a push (or several) in the right direction ?
Tim: …..holy shit
Chapter End Notes
H/c that copies of Elias's own eyes force him to focus on them on some level, so having that many of them suddenly appear gives him a huge migraine. He deserves it.
If you have theories about what will happen next, I'd love to hear! I've already written up until chapter 4, but if I don't pace myself with the posting schedule, I'll really be screwed once I get busier :/
step 1
Chapter Summary
Tim and Sasha put their matchmaking operation into action; Jon regrets interacting; Martin takes an online quiz.
Chapter Notes
See the end of the chapter for notes
Thursday, 8:48 am
“best holiday plans aye”
Sparkle cryptid renamed the group “Business As (Un)usual”
Sparkle cryptid: Ignoring the traitorous acts of yesterday -
Sparkle cryptid: do you all still want to go for friday drinks ?
Defeated by One (1) Pepper Flake: sasha do you really need to ask
Sparkle cryptid: Ok this was more directed toward martin , he said he had things to catch up on this weekend .
A Danger to Society: thats true about this weekend but !! im alright for tomorrow :))
Defeated by One (1) Pepper Flake: sick
Sparkle cryptid: Can we do 6:30 or so ? I’m still scrubbing off glitter and I have a feeling this won’t change by tomorrow , so I want to have one last go at it before we spend time in public .
A Danger to Society: :X
Sparkle cryptid: Yes this is your fault, suffer .
Defeated by One (1) Pepper Flake: hey don’t be mean to marty boy that’s illegal
Sparkle cryptid: It’s your fault too, suffer x2 .
Defeated by One (1) Pepper Flake: rude
Defeated by One (1) Pepper Flake: but anyway yeah 6:30, that works
A Danger to Society: same here!!
Sasha to Tim
Sasha: Step 1 of our Revenge Operation is a go .
Tim: we’ve got marto,,,now comes the tricky part
Tim added Sasha and Jon to the group
Tim renamed the group “Archives More Like Ourchives ;)”
Sasha: You’re on thin ice with group chat naming privileges timothy stoker .
Tim: i showed HEAPS of restraint and you know it
Tim: anyways, hi jon
Jon: Hello, Tim, Sasha. Might I ask why you’re texting me rather than embarking on the arduous ten-second walk to my office?
Jon: Or perhaps emailing me, for that matter?
Tim: a) laziness b) email’s bad for quick casual stuff like this
Sasha: We were wondering if you’d like to go out for drinks with us tomorrow evening ?
Jon: I appreciate the offer but no, thank you.
Tim: your ‘no’ has been vetoed
Tim: it’ll be fun! It’s a no-stress hangout, just good conversation with your incredible assistants
Jon: I’m not sure it would be wise. After all, I am your boss, and I imagine this would put strain on the informal nature of such an outing.
Tim: nah
Sasha: nah
Sasha: Jon that’s the point of going out for drinks with your colleagues, it’s to strengthen interpersonal relationships so that there’s less *strain* on them in the future . It helps at work too because you get to know each other better, which means you’ll have an easier time coordinating !
Sasha: I think if we were more comfortable with each other as /people/ , the work would go smoother .
Tim: ^exactly what i was going to say, word for word
Jon: Doubtful, Tim.
Jon: But I suppose you have a point, Sasha. Would all three of you be there?
Tim: yep
Sasha: Yes!
Jon: I only ask because it seems that Martin has not been included in this conversation.
Sasha: His phone is being weird right now , but he knows about the friday plans .
Tim: uh yep, his phone’s being weird. we’ll add him to the chat later
Jon: Hm.
Jon: Well, all right.
Tim: yessss boss!!
Jon: On one condition.
Jon: I keep finding more copies of that dreadful picture of Elias. Yesterday one of them fell from god knows where, directly onto my arm. Earlier today there was one taped beneath my chair, and it got stuck to my leg, and it was….incredibly distressing.
Tim: omfggg
Jon: I want all of them removed as soon as possible.
Sasha: Ok deal !
Sasha: Tomorrow you can meet us at The Chickadee at 6:30 :)
Jon: Very well.
Tim to Sasha
Tim: hell yeah
Sasha: We’re so good at this !
Tim: can’t believe you logicked him into saying yes
Tim: “interpersonal relationships” the fukc
Sasha: I’m fluent in Office Speak can you tell .
Tim: y e s
Tim: martin won’t even know what hit him
Tim: hes gonna freak out
Tim: when are we giving him the News? Or should we just not tell him and watch his reaction when jon shows up
Sasha: As iconic as that would be, I think we should tell him like...half an hour before . So he doesn’t have time to back out, but he also gets to panic a little .
Tim: damn
Tim: it’s terrifying the way your mind works, and i love it infinitely
Sasha: Ty <3
Sasha: Ok let’s go round up all the horny eliases before jon changes his mind .
Tim: ugh
9:58 am
“Business As (Un)usual”
Sparkle cryptid: Martin, jon made tim and I clear out the rest of the photos from his office .
A Danger to Society: :((
Defeated by One (1) Pepper Flake: but now we have more kindling. rooftop lunch again?
A Danger to Society: :))
11:14 am
A Danger to Society: tea’s up!!
A Danger to Society: also take this quiz, it’s really lovely :))
A Danger to Society: buzzfeed.com/which-flower-are-you-437431
Defeated by One (1) Pepper Flake: i was expecting to get just a flower but noo,, i have Stats now
Defeated by One (1) Pepper Flake: “Flower: Hyacinth; you are social and playful, but beneath your puckish exterior you are very sincere, and loyal to your friends and loved ones.”
Sparkle cryptid: Puckish
A Danger to Society: puckish
Sparkle cryptid changed Defeated by One (1) Pepper Flake ’s name to Puckish
Puckish: that’s not even all, it’s just the summary. what is this,,, astrology for flowers?
Sparkle cryptid: Apparently .
Sparkle cryptid: I got chamomile, it says that I’m self-assured and dedicated to overcoming challenges .
Sparkle cryptid: Tim your flower is friends with my flower ..
A Danger to Society: my flower shows both of you to be my friends!!
Puckish: uh yeah i sure hope it does
Puckish: drop your Stats marto!
A Danger to Society: ill just copy paste :))
A Danger to Society: “Flower: Morning Glory; you are bright, happy, and full of caring energy! However, since you experience relationships so intensely, you may assume that your affection is not matched by the other party, which makes you feel lonely. But don’t worry, your compassionate nature is something other people greatly admire!
Compatible flowers: Southernwood, chamomile, forget-me-not, daffodil, hyacinth, coreopsis.
Incompatible flowers: Columbine, belladonna, abatina, rhododendron.
Perfect match: Hydrangea.
Sworn enemy: Snapdragon.”
Sparkle cryptid: Looks pretty accurate . You’re not allowed to feel lonely, though, or sad, ever .
Puckish: yeah we love you and there’s nothing you can do about it so,,, you’re stuck with us. accept defeat or else
A Danger to Society: aww guys!!!
A Danger to Society: It’s just a quiz, don’t worry. :p
Puckish changed A Danger to Society ’s name to Smothered by friendship
“Archives More Like Ourchives ;)”
Sasha: buzzfeed.com/which-flower-are-you-437431
Sasha: ^A prerequisite for drinks .
Jon: Is this really necessary?
Tim: um absolutely
Tim: boss this is flowers we’re talking about, we’re not fucking around
Sasha: It’s another bonding thing that will help interpersonal relations in the archives :)
Jon: I find that...debatable.
Jon: But all right. I will do it when I have a moment to spare.
Sasha: That’s the spirit !
Tim to Sasha
Tim: im gonna take a shot every time you say “interpersonal”
Sasha: You’re already going to get sloppy drunk so thanks for warning me, I’m never saying it again .
Tim: that’s,,,, the opposite reaction of what i wanted
Friday, 1:06 pm
“Archives More Like Ourchives ;)”
Jon: I should have clarified earlier, but what is the dress code of The Chickadee? Would it be suitable to wear formal clothes? I’d prefer to finish up some extra work here before heading over, but that would not leave me with ample time to go home and change.
Tim: you might be a little overdressed but no one’ll be sober enough to notice tbh
Sasha: What you’re wearing now is totally fine jon .
Jon: Good to know.
Sasha: Are you excited at all ?
Tim: you should be!! tonight's gonna be fuckin c h o i c e
Jon: “Trepidation” may be a more accurate term.
Jon: But I am looking forward to it, somewhat.
Tim: yes!!! Thats what i like to hear boss!!
Tim: id high five you if you were physically here
Tim: wait
Sasha: tim
Tim: brb
Jon: Please stay away from my office.
Sasha: t i m
Tim to Sasha
Tim: bossman gave me a high five
Sasha: No he did not .
Tim: it was reluctant, but he gave in quicker than you’d think
Tim: i was like “im not leaving until i get that sweet, sweet high five”
Tim: i think he wanted to murder me, more than usual
Tim: still, you can’t just leave someone hanging, sash. It’s impossible
Tim: ill never forget this moment
Sasha: I don't think jon will, either .
5:53 pm
“Business As (Un)usual”
Sparkle cryptid: Took a shower and the glitter is 80% gone . I’ll take it .
Sparkle cryptid: Meet at the pub in 30 ?
Smothered by friendship: yes!! :D
Puckish: you know it
Puckish: hope you’re wearing something cute marto
Smothered by friendship: haha why? :0
Puckish: for our esteemed guest obv
Smothered by friendship: ???
Puckish: sasha did you not tell him
Sparkle cryptid: no, you said you were going to tell him
Puckish: um lies? you were explicitly going to do it
Smothered by friendship: guys it doesnt matter, just? what do you mean? Who’s coming??
Sparkle cryptid: Jon .
Puckish: ah beat me to it ^
Sparkle cryptid: …
Sparkle cryptid: martin?
Puckish: hes been typing for a full minute
Puckish: im honestly afraid
Puckish: you good, marto?
Smothered by friendship: w
Sparkle cryptid: Tim, I think we broke him .
6:02 pm
“Archives More Like Ourchives ;)”
Jon: I’ve finished up at the Institute, and as such will be en route shortly.
Jon: Also, I completed the quiz you sent me.
Jon: For what it’s worth, I was matched with the Hydrangea.
Jon: I still fail to see why this is relevant.
Chapter End Notes
Sasha and Tim after Martin betrayed them both: when will you learn?? when will you learn that your actionS? have cONSEQUENCES???
Also, this is not, in fact, the last time you will hear from that cursed elias photo. Do with this information what you will.
drinks o'clock
Chapter Summary
The squad gets plastered; Tim takes pictures.
Chapter Notes
So I have decided that this takes place post season 1 finale, pre-everything else (so if you havent finished season 1 yet (and maybe half of season 2?) fair warning that I'll be dropping some info about that, as well as about certain things that jon is able to do.
Also, posting schedule: twice weekly is ideal, once weekly if i get busy. This schedule will likely change once school starts back up, but until then, i have copious amounts of time to write this nonsense! :)
See the end of the chapter for more notes
Friday, 6:03 pm
“Business As (Un)usual”
Smothered by friendship: [sent an image: three jumpers laid out on a bed, the first one heavy-knit and beige with a small white heart on the end of each sleeve, the second one roomy pastel blue with a pink floral collar and cuffs, the third one stately and patterned with hues of gray and blue.]
Smothered by friendship: which one???
Puckish: all of them
Puckish: at the same time
Smothered by friendship: no!!
Smothered by friendship: i really need advice, please help :(((
Sparkle cryptid: Martin, jon has seen you wearing all of these .
Smothered by friendship: but that’s when we’re at work and he doesn’t really. pay attention to me at work :/
Smothered by friendship: he might actually notice what im wearing today? and i cant just ignore that??
Puckish: marto if all goes well he wont even remember this evening, much less what you’re wearing ;)
Sparkle cryptid: Tim we are not getting jon blackout drunk, he’ll never go out with us again .
Sparkle cryptid: Let’s take it slow, yeah ?
Sparkle cryptid: And Martin, you should wear the blue and pink one, I know you like it and it looks nice on you !
Puckish: ^^^that ones baller
Smothered by friendship: okay ty ill be by soon
Sparkle cryptid: Sounds good !
6:26 pm
Smothered by friendship: almost at the pub!! have either of you arrived yet? Is jon there??
Puckish: yes and yes
Puckish: sasha and i have been trying to convince him that the flower quiz is important and accurate but hes not buying it
Smothered by friendship: wait,
Smothered by friendship: what?? He took the flower quiz? when? and...what did he get?
Puckish: oh he took it before coming, we told him it was mandatory
Puckish: hmm what did he get, i can scarcely recall
Smothered by friendship: tim!! :(
Puckish: started with an H i think
Puckish: wasn’t the same as me, not hyacinth for sure
Puckish: oh right! i remember
Smothered by friendship: ???
Puckish: hydrangea!
Puckish: that mean anything to you marto?
Smothered by friendship: um.
Smothered by friendship: um No.
Smothered by friendship: no that doesn’t, mean anything.
Puckish: haha yeah, thought not.
Puckish: Anyway please get here soon, jon’s going off about spooky plants he learned about in statements. Something with a man-eating venus flytrap in the 1960s? idk
8:41 pm
Tim to Sasha
Tim: fgod i knew we shouldntve bar hopped to this shitty place
Tim: theyr vibe is so good, their everything else so bad
Sasha: Why are you texting me from the loo
Tim: it’s barely even a room sahsa its smaller than the stall on an aeroplane, can barely fckn stand up
Tim: and the locks stuck and i cant get out
Sasha: lmaoooo
Sasha: ok Martin’s coming to help you .
Sasha: re: getting jon drunk, he did that all on his own , so quickly
Tim: i mean its not possible that he wasnt a lightweight so im not even surprised, just glad to witness whatever tf is happening
Tim: hes a lot less scowly while drunk. hes still a huge nerd tho
Sasha: Yeah like, when we came in and he saw this bar was called The King’s Deer .
Tim: and then he starts going off about henry the whatever and how he had his own royal deer to hunt and they wore literal signs that were like,, Fuck off we’re the king’s deer
Sasha: I just asked him what the signs were , he said it’s “Noli me tangere”
Tim: and then he started reciting an old poem with that phrase??
Tim: did you see the look martin was giving him
Sasha: The man was practically melting, and i was melting from seeing the way he was melting .
Sasha: I wanted to get a photo but they weren’t drunk enough and i was p sure one of them would notice .
Sasha: Now he’s telling me about how new orleans came to be associated with vampirism ??
Tim: jon doesnt get sad drunk or happy drunk, he gets chatty drunk
Sasha: Lecture drunk .
Tim: ayyy martin has finally freed me from my, literally, shitty prison
Sasha: ew .
11:49 pm
“Archives More Like Ourchives ;)”
Tim added Martin to the group
Tim: [sent an image: the blurry interior of a crowded bar. Sasha raises her glass and sticks out her tongue at the camera.]
Tim: [sent an image: Jon, clearly drunk, explains something with fervor. Martin sits next to him, tucking the corner of his mouth into the back of his hand, watching with a quiet smile.]
Tim: [sent an image: the photo is wildly tilted. Several people stroll down the sidewalk, Martin walking backwards in order to face the camera, doing jazz hands.]
Tim: [sent an image: a selfie, grainy from the low light, Tim and Sasha squishing their cheeks together, Martin hugging them both from the side, Jon peeking over the tops of their heads.]
Tim: and thres more where that came from e
Tim: m home wbu
Sasha: yep yep
Martin: almost!!! Im about to get there,
Jon: yes i am. home
Jon: martin tell us when you are back.
Jon: are you back
Jon: martin
Jon: we need to know please, that youre safe and back
Martin: im home now!! thanks for checking youre so nice
Jon: im really not actualy but im glad youre back and that you said so
Jon: i couldnt have slept if i didnt know that you were all right
Jon: which would have been unfortunate as im very tired
Tim: all of u go to bed jfcc
Sasha: goodnight , my lovely people .
Martin: goodnight!!! tonihgt was so fun
Jon: goodnight everyone.
Saturday, 9:01 am
Tim: i hate that im awake but im awake and i cant stop being awake
Tim: not even hungover, im literally still drunk
Tim: anyway how are you guys doing
Sasha: Things are loud . I’m not having fun .
Sasha: I’m going back to sleep bye .
Tim: noo dont leave me
10:57 am
Martin: hi tim, hope you and sasha are feeling better <3
Martin: i have a bit of a pounding headache unfortunately
Martin: hopefully jon’s feeling better than the rest of us haha :))
Sasha: I’m up again , feel less shitty . Sorry about your headache martin, drink some water, luv you .
Martin: i am dont worry <3 <3
Tim: finally moving from drunk to properly hungover can i get a hell yeah
Sasha: * distant unenthusiastic cheering *
Tim: thanks
Jon: Goodmorning.
Martin: oh hi jon how are you??
Jon: Let’s just say I am...loath to open the blinds, or to move from the bed, or, in fact, to remain conscious.
Martin: oh no :(
Tim: f
Sasha: f
Jon: I just wanted to thank you all for inviting me out. Contrary to my expectations, it was fun. At least, the moments I remember.
Jon: I am going back to sleep now.
Jon: Martin, I agree with Sasha. Drink water.
Jon: See you Monday.
Sasha to Tim
Sasha: Step 1, integrating jon into the squad, is complete .
Tim: god yes
Sasha: Now for Step 2, which requires more thinking than I am willing to do right now .
Tim: uhg same
Tim: we can talk about that,,,tomorrow. or monday
Tim: also off topic but
Tim: sasha i need to know i didnt hallucinate this
Tim: that jon really did make a whole argument, like fifteen minutes long, for king arthur being in a healthy polyamorous relationship with lancelot and guinevere
Sasha: He most certainly did .
Tim: well damn
Tim: who knew jon could sometimes be sort of cool
Sasha: Yeah dunno .
Sasha: I’m just worried he’ll clam up on monday, you know ? I have a feeling he’s going to spend the rest of the weekend convincing himself he made a mistake, spending time with us .
Tim: well it doesn’t matter
Tim: we won’t let him back out, for our boy martin’s sake
Tim: not after finding out he isn’t a complete arse
Tim: also not after this:
Tim: [sent an image: Martin and Jon sit next to each other in a dark booth. Martin is facing away from Jon, laughing and gesturing at an out-of-frame Sasha. Behind him, Jon stares at Martin, openly, softly, as though he has just realized something very, very beautiful.]
Sasha: Oh .
Tim: yeah.
Chapter End Notes
EDIT: spaghetti_plays_guitar on insta made ADORABLE ART because they are the Best - you can find it here!: https://www.instagram.com/p/CEejzqjJqY0/
tim getting stuck in the tinest restroom in the universe is inspired by true happenings
the poem is called "Whoso List to Hunt" by Sir Thomas Wyatt
if you got the venus flytrap reference, youre certified Cool TM
everyone loves the mechs
Chapter Summary
Tim gains a new obsession; Sasha makes a shocking discovery.
Chapter Notes
See the end of the chapter for notes
Monday, 9:11 am
Sasha to Tim
Sasha: Matchmaking, phase 2: increase the camaraderie between jon and the rest of us .
Sasha: He’s only been out with the group once, he needs to be solidly comfortable with spending time with us outside of work . Only then can we begin to set him up with Martin .
Tim: we could prolly just do drinks again, except turn it up a notch ;)
Sasha: You’re not allowed to drink more alcohol than you did on Friday !
Tim: ik i mean like,,we can be more real with him now, we can have conversations that are less like colleagues and more like the squad
Sasha: Are you trying to tell me that ranting about polyamory in king arthur’s court is normal workplace banter
Tim: no but you know what i mean
Tim: god that was such an incredible development
Tim: i wonder if he’s read/written essays on that, he seemed weirdly passionate about it
Sasha: You could, in fact, research it, since you are a researcher .
Tim: i’ll get back to you on that
9:55 am
Tim: this dESERVES TO GO IN THE MAIN CHAT HANG ON
“Business As (Un)usual”
Puckish: ok martin. sasha and i were talking about how jon went off about the romance between king arthur and guinevere and lancelot, and i just thought that was kind of random for jon, so i looked it up
Smothered by friendship: what did you find?? :0
Puckish: there were some essays, none by jon (unfortunately), but tHEN i found a whole song about it
Puckish: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=x9ZINNEX30M
Puckish: this has literally nothing to do with jon im just obsessed with the song
Puckish: ive listened to it several times now
Smothered by friendship: oh the mechanisms!! I used to go to their shows :)) they’re really good. There’s a character named gunpowder tim!
Puckish: what!! y e s !!
Sparkle cryptid changed Puckish’s name to Gunpowder Tim
Gunpowder Tim: i appreciate you sm
Sparkle cryptid: <3
Smothered by friendship: i think you’d really like the whole album high noon over camelot :)
Gunpowder Tim: im listening to all of it right now and no one can stop me
Smothered by friendship: i think i’ll listen too, for old time’s sake!!
Sparkle cryptid: jon has to know about them, right?
“Archives More Like Ourchives ;)”
Sasha: Hey jon, have you heard the song Blood and Whiskey by The Mechanisms ?
Jon: What? No. Why?
Sasha: You were talking about king arthur’s relationship with guinevere and lancelot on friday and this is a whole song about that!
Tim: you seemed really into the idea so you’d def like this song
Jon: Ah. I have no recollection of discussing that.
Tim: boss you were giving us so much trivia, it was like having a professor whose curriculum was Everything
Sasha: I remember you telling us about cultural practices in Macedonia?
Martin: and you recited some medieval poetry, which was so impressive!!
Jon: I did?
Sasha: Seriously, where did you learn all that ?
Jon:....I don’t know.
Jon: I must have read it somewhere?
Jon: I don’t remember learning it, but now that I’m thinking about it
Jon: The knowledge is just...there.
Tim: kind of rude that you can learn things on accident, whereas i forget stuff 2 seconds after purposefully trying to remember it
Sasha: maybe you have a microchip implanted in your brain that feeds you information
Martin: maybe you’re being possessed by an ancient ghost scholar??
Jon: I’m fairly certain ghosts don’t exist.
Martin: hey! you thought i was a ghost >:(
Tim: boss you done fucked up, you made martin use the angry face
Sasha: Oh yeah, that was during the Worm Incident right ? You asked martin if he had died in the archives ?
Tim: LMAO how did i not hear about this??
Martin: haha sorry i thought i told you!!
Jon: It was not my most level-headed moment, which I feel is reasonable, considering the circumstances.
Jon: Now, if you could please get back to work?
Tim: ugh fine. But listen to blood and whiskey, i stg you’ll love it
12:12 pm
Martin to Sasha
Martin: [sent a video: Tim sits at his desk, his head bobbing to a tinny beat which emanates from his earbuds. He mouths the lyrics, making varied facial expressions to match the shifting perspectives of the different characters. When he notices Martin recording him, he directs the performance toward the camera and continues with more impassioned expressions and gestures. Martin chuckles off-screen and says, “You are a ridiculous person, you know?” Tim, still lip-syncing, gives an emphatic thumbs up.]
Martin: we’ve lost him down the rabbit hole of the mechs
Martin: not that i blame him!!
Sasha: He’s such a dork, wow .
Sasha: Seems I’ll have to check out this band soon, since both you and tim are so into it ! I’m just waiting because I know if I start listening and I like them, I won’t stop listening, and I won’t be able to focus on work, which is a problem when you’re literally at work .
Martin: yeah i know what you mean! when i find a new interest i do a sort of deep dive into it
Sasha: Same here . Speaking of which, for purposes of my future obsession-fueled research, who exactly are the mechanisms? What are their performances like, etc.
Martin: their shows are (were? idk if they still perform) basically storytelling through music, it’s very theatrical!! All the members play a character, like ashes o’reilly, the toy soldier, and jonny d’ville. I dont actually remember their real names, but you’ll probably be able to find them easily enough :)
Sasha: Good to know . I do hope jon actually listens to blood and whiskey, it’d be really cool if we all ended up liking the mechs. Then the squad could have a collective Favourite Band
Martin: we can bug him about it until he does :))
2:30 pm
“Archives More Like Ourchives ;)”
Sasha: Jon, thoughts on blood and whiskey ?
Jon: It was all right. I will say that whoever wrote it has the right idea.
Martin: what do you think of the sound though? And the singing??
Jon: As a whole they’re not bad. However, the vocalist for Lancelot is dreadful.
Martin: Jonny d’ville is not dreadful that’s so false jon!!! His voice is stunning!!!
Tim: the mechs are currently sustaining me so any and all hate toward them is a criminal action which i can not and will not allow
Jon: I was simply stating my opinion. Like I said, they aren’t bad. Generally. They just have a...weak link in this Jonny character.
Martin: i cant believe this. I cant in good faith believe that you actually think jonny is a bad singer!! You must just be saying that to be contrary, there’s no way you’re actually serious :(
Jon: Whatever you say, Martin.
Martin: :(((
6:12 pm
“Business As (Un)usual”
Sparkle cryptid: I’ve been listening to ulysses dies at dawn and i can feel it starting, the Mechs Obsession .
Gunpowder Tim: *chants* one of us, one of us
Smothered by friendship: that’s such a good album!! i mean they’re all good but that one especially!
Sparkle cryptid: About to spend the rest of my evening with a blanket, tea, and sunflower seeds, finding out every possible thing about them, wish me luck
Gunpowder Tim: haha nerd
Gunpowder Tim: tell me what you find tho
Smothered by friendship: id love to know if they’re still performing, lmk if you find that info please!! If so we can all go to a concert together :D
Gunpowder Tim: y e s
6:59 pm
Sasha to Tim
Sasha: Tim .
Tim: sasha
Sasha: I honestly don’t know how to say this .
Sasha: It’s just too bizarre . But it’s real . I’ve checked and double-checked and it’s real .
Tim: ok um. you’re freaking me out a bit?
Sasha: Have you watched any of the live performances of the mechs ?
Tim: ive mostly been listening with youtube in the background tbh. there was one video i found but it wasn’t great quality, their costumes looked sick though
Sasha: You know Jonny d’ville .
Tim: ofc he’s stellar
Sasha: It’s Jon .
Sasha: Our boss Jon .
Sasha: Jon is one of the lead singers in the mechs .
Tim: sasha,,, no
Sasha: I swear to god it’s true . Listen to his voice, tim, really listen . Look up a good quality live performance . He’s younger and he’s all done up in immortal space pirate costume and makeup but it’s him .
Tim: ill brb???
7:09 pm
Tim: sahsa
Tim: sasha what do i do with this information
Tim: this knowledge, it’s too powerful,, i feel like im fuckng vibrating
Sasha: Martin doesn’t know, and Jon doesn’t know that we know . There is so much potential here .
Tim: god. we’ve stumbled across a gold mine
Tim: still, i need time to process this
Tim: how am i going to look jon in the eye tomorrow??
Sasha: I'm going to try and avoid him as much as possible, i dont trust myself not to immediately start laughing .
Tim: yeah me neither??
Sasha: Give it some time to sink it . We can regroup later, yeah ?
Tim: yes, sure, good
Tim: jfc im still in shock
Tim: im going to continue to be in shock tomorrow
Tim: all three of us are mechs stans, sasha. And we, or at least martin and i, basically admitted it to jon?? Not knowing??
Tim: i cannot express
Tim: the emotions that are happening right now.
Sasha: /You’re/ freaked out and you’ve only been listening to them for a day. Just think about how Martin, confirmed fanboy who went to live concerts (!!), will react.
Tim: jesus
Tim: he won’t survive
Sasha: I know .
Tim: i can’t wait to tell him
Chapter End Notes
As you can see, we're getting into some canon spookiness. Still, to reiterate, season 5 is uhhh dead to us in this household, in fact it doesn't even exist! season 5 who? wherever this gc leaves off, (probably far in the future, since i already have..11 chapters finished...) it will be a happy, fun ending! because it is what you all deserve!
This chapter was less chaotic, true, but i think it balances out the fact that the next chapter is founded in pure unchecked chaos as well as bullying of elias.
Kudos are always appreciated, and comments are always responded to! <3
bet bot
Chapter Summary
Tim downloads a bot; Elias makes an unwanted appearance.
Chapter Notes
Ok so last chapter's comment section popped OFF and I'd like to say thank you because I had an absolute blast reading through your reactions! You guys are seriously the best.
Hope you enjoy this newest dose of archival nonsense :)
See the end of the chapter for more notes
Tuesday, 9:49 am
Sasha to Tim
Sasha: Still in shock ?
Tim: yes. a hundred times yes
Tim: but i found something to distract me from the cursed knowledge of jon’s secret identity
Tim: it’s loading hang on
“Business As (Un)usual”
Gunpowder Tim: so i installed something amazing
Sparkle cryptid: Oh god .
Gunpowder Tim: no it really is amazing, and USEFUL, which you should like
Smothered by friendship: im really curious now :0
Gunpowder Tim: you know how when we play Odds, it sucks because we can’t do it over chat, and sometimes we have to wait upwards of fifteen minutes before we run into each other, and by then it’s not as fun
Gunpowder Tim: well cry no longer!
Sparkle cryptid: You sound like you’re doing an infomercial . I hate it, infinitely.
Gunpowder Tim: let’s try it out, shall we? *slaps the code* this bad boy can fit so much nonsense inside it
Sparkle cryptid: What are the Odds you’ll only drink really fruity, ridiculous cocktails with umbrellas in them the next time we go out ?
Gunpowder Tim: 1 out of 10
Gunpowder Tim: I choose 8
Bet Bot: 3
Gunpowder Tim: ok thank god
Gunpower Tim: what are the Odds you two swap glasses for the rest of the day
Sparkle Cryptid: You’re really reaching
Smothered by friendship: ahh i cant wait to get a headache and then not be able to read anything properly ahhhh
Sparkle cryptid: What do you think martin ?
Smothered by friendship: how about 30s or 40s?
Sparkle cryptid: 1 of 35
Sparkle cryptid: 30
Bet Bot: 31
Smothered by friendship: that was way too close for comfort!!
Sparkle cryptid: Not a fan of what almost happened there .
Gunpowder Tim: so closeeee
Smothered by friendship: this bot is actually really cool!! how did you find it??
Gunpowder Tim: oh you know, as you do
Sparkle cryptid: That’s the sketchiest non-answer I’ve ever heard for something so completely not sketchy but sure
Smothered by friendship changed Gunpowder Tim ’s name to Agent of the Dark Web
Agent of the Dark Web: shhh they’ll find me out
Sparkle cryptid: Hey dark web mods, he’s over here !!
Agent of the Dark Web: does the dark web even have mods
Sparkle cryptid: Idk, you’re the agent here .
Agent of the Dark Web: you’re the hacker
Agent of the Dark Web: i bet martin legitimately goes on the dark web. I just have a feeling
Smothered by friendship: what?? no, i dont, that stuffs freaky
Agent of the Dark Web: what so you /haven’t/ hired trained assassins to murk your enemies?
Sparkle cryptid: It’s okay to admit it, martin . This is a safe space .
Smothered by friendship: itd be a lie tho!! theres no one id want to kill
Smothered by friendship: i mean, mostly
Smothered by friendship : i mean i wouldnt ever actually do it!!
Agent of the Dark Web: wait who???
Smothered by friendship: oh i dunno
Sparkle cryptid: Yes you do .
Agent of the Dark Web: ah. It’s jon
Smothered by friendship: !!! no!!!!!
Agent of the Dark Web: yeah ik lmao
Agent of the Dark Web: what are the Odds you’ll tell us
Smothered by friendship: um. 1 of 15.
Smothered by friendship:4
Bet Bot:4
Smothered by friendship: :(((
Agent of the Dark Web: pay up marto
Smothered by friendship: ….elias
Sparkle cryptid: I support this decision .
Agent of the Dark Web: rip elias
Agent of the Dark Web: actually i take that back he can suffer
Sparkle cryptid: Out of curiosity, why him ? I mean I know he’s a bastard and the Worst but is he really the most murk-worthy person you know ?
Agent of the Dark Web: ooh marto’s been typing for a while
Sparkle cryptid: Drag him martin .
Smothered by friendship: it’s just that every single time he shows up, you know someone is going to end up feeling worse off. A few minutes ago i saw him walk out of jon’s office with this gross smirk on his face and it just...reminded me of all the times he’s cornered one of us and made us feel ashamed or incompetent for no apparent reason, other than he thought it was entertaining, or he wanted to act powerful or whatever. thats so not okay!! thats bullying!!
Smothered by friendship: and now im worried about what he said to jon :(
Sparkle cryptid changed Smothered by friendship ’s name to Elias’s Days Are Numbered
Agent of the Dark Web: hell yeah go off!!
Agent of the Dark Web: you should actually ask jon what happened, i took a peek through the window and he’s fucking fuming
Sparkle cryptid: Yikes .
“Archives More Like Ourchives ;)”
Martin: hi jon, are you okay? :/
Jon: Why wouldn’t I be?
Sasha: We noticed you had a visitor .
Jon: Ah.
Jon: Yes, well.
Tim: what the hell did he say to you
Jon: Nothing of consequence.
Sasha: Sharing is caring, jon !
Tim: boss, we of all people understand your pain, elias gives us shit CONSTANTLY
Tim: also martin just needs one more thing to push him over the edge and get him to actually hire an assassin
Martin: Tim!!
Sasha: Timothy stoker, any illegal activities or plans are sanctioned to the archival assistants group chat, don’t make me blacklist you .
Tim: noted
Jon: How expensive is the assassin?
Martin: :0
Tim: SSGKSJFS
Sasha: Jfc jon what did elias do ??
Tim: this is the second time today someone has typed for a full minute dragging elias, it’s beautiful
Jon: I hardly understood the pertinence of half of what he said, as it was largely broad, yet cryptic generalizations about the Institute and my place in it. He discussed his satisfaction with my “progress,” yet failed to mention what I was meant to be progressing in. None of my questions were answered, or even acknowledged. The encounter was both frustrating and unenlightening, as well as a complete and utter waste of my time.
Jon: He also left the door open on his way out. Prick.
Sasha: Ew .
Martin: that’s awful jon!! Im so sorry :(
Tim: elias doesn’t deserve rights
Tim: can we fill his office with legos next
Jon: “Next.”
Martin: :X
Sasha: Tim wtf .
Jon: What...did you fill it with before?
Tim: which time
Sasha: TIM WTF
Martin: oh noo
Tim: one of the best was when we hid little bits of cheese everywhere. Not only did he get ants but his office smelled so fucking bad
Jon: Wait. You were the ones who caused the ant infestation?
Tim: i cant tell what your tone is rn but um… yeah?
Tim: sasha i can hear you stomping around trying to figure out where i went but you’ll never find me
Sasha: The fact that you can hear me stomping means that you’re hiding somewhere in the room .
Tim: fuk
Martin: hm sasha? maybe check underneath the green bean bag chair
Tim: martin you’re dead to me
Martin: :p
Jon: This is all highly unnecessary.
Jon: As long as you don’t cause serious damage or draw Elias’s attention to me or to any of you, I have no problem with the continuation of your schemes.
Jon: In fact, I’d very much like to see them continue. When he’s well and truly annoyed, he prefers to sulk in his office rather than to bother me.
Jon: Also, especially after this latest “meeting,” I’d thoroughly enjoy it if Elias were to become as confused and irritated as I currently am.
Tim renamed the group “personally victimized by eliass douchard”
Jon: Fitting.
Jon: Now, I believe we’ve spent enough time on personal drama?
Sasha: We’ll get back to work now !
Martin: thank you for telling us what he said, jon!!
Jon: I daresay the professional barrier has already been damaged by Friday’s events. What’s one more dent?
Tom: dont worry boss, we respect you way more than we’ll ever respect douchard
Sasha: ^
Martin: ^ :)
Jon: A rather low bar, but thank you, I suppose.
10:14 am
“Business As (Un)usual”
Agent of the Dark Web: sash what are the Odds you go into elias’s office and start telling him how satisfied you are with his “progress”
Elias’s Days Are Numbered:i almost spit out my tea
Sparkle cryptid: 1 of 500, I’m not doing that .
Sparkle cryptid: 491
Bet Bot: 201
Agent of the Dark Web: i would have laughed so hard for the rest of my life
Sparkle cryptid: That wouldn’t have lasted very long .
Elias's Days Are Numbered: uh tim? she's sharpening her pencil, angrily
Agent of the DarkWeb:im finding a new hiding spot
Chapter End Notes
Not *too* much happened in this chapter, it is true, but! It includes important setup for ~things to come~ because apparently this fic actually has plot structure now.
I have been thinking a lot about where this story is headed, and I am SO excited to show you guys. Even though at its core, it is just a fun and chaotic group chat fic, it is built on a very important premise: everyone will be okay. That is why the title is what it is; Jon and Martin and Tim and Sasha are alive during this, all of them are there to experience the world, and each other. There may be some challenges and some sadness, yes, but mostly it will be this: a group of people swept up in something beyond their control, who band together, flip off the Eye, and decide to live.
All kudos are appreciated, and all comments are read (through laughter mostly, bc y'all are hilarious) and responded to! See you in the next update <3
a new type of statement
Chapter Summary
Martin has a crisis; Tim asks the squad an important question.
Chapter Notes
See the end of the chapter for notes
Wednesday, 11:25 am
“Business As (Un)usual”
Elias’s Days Are Numbered: tea’ll be around in a mo!!
Sparkle cryptid: Thank you martin ! I’ll be back soon, i'm just finishing up in artefact storage .
Agent of the Dark Web: thanks marto my body is ready
Sparkle cryptid: Tim i'm begging you to think about the things you say before you say them .
Agent of the Dark Web: hmm,, no i dont think i will
Agent of the Dark Web: drinks again friday?? (and karaoke ;) )
Sparkle cryptid: Yes but i can't get plastered, I have weekend plans .
Agent of the Dark Web: booo
Elias’s Days Are Numbered: sasha you have family coming over, right? I hope you have a lovely time with them!! :D
Elias’s Days Are Numbered: also im free for drinks! um, is jon coming?
Agent of the Dark Web: we havent asked yet but yeah he is
Sparkle cryptid: It’s just going to be my aunt and cousin, my flat isn’t big enough for any more people! But i'm definitely looking forward to it, they’re both really nice and I don’t spend nearly enough time with them .
Sparkle cryptid: It also means i’m going to have to log some extra hours this evening, sadly .
Agent of the Dark Web: wow imagine being pr
Agent of the Dark Web: imagine being proa
Sparkle cryptid: dont hurt yourself
Elias’s Days Are Numbered: ...proactive?
Agent of the Dark Web: ugh. yeah that
Elias’s Days Are Numbered changed Sparkle cryptid ’s name to Proactive Facial Wash
Agent of the Dark Web: i think the actual face wash is spelled without an e
Agent of the Dark Web: because they’re Modern and Cool
Proactive Facial Wash: Does that mean, by default, I’m old-fashioned and boring ?
Elias’s Days Are Numbered: no!!
Agent of the Dark Web: haha yeah
Agent of the Dark Web: jk jk aha (...unless?)
Proactive Facial Wash: Martin is now my favourite .
Proactive Facial Wash: Anyway, let’s confirm that jon is coming .
Elias’s Days Are Numbered: im about to bring him tea, i can ask :))
Agent of the Dark Web: dont take no for an answer!!
Tim to Martin
Tim: marto what happened
Tim: what did he say
Tim: martin?
Tim to Sasha
Tim: i think i just witnessed something
Sasha: What, like a crime ?
Tim: maybe?
Tim: marto practically shot out of the boss’s office after delivering his tea, and his face was bright red. I asked him about it but he didn’t stop walking, just stuttered that my tea was on the kitchen counter and then left the room
Tim: he’s not answering his texts either
Sasha: I mean not that I want to Confront Jon but…
Tim: sasha if he bullied our boy, he deserves Confrontation
Sasha: Let’s just . Check in with jon first . See his side of things ?
Sasha: And then if he’s guilty we beat him up in the parking lot . He’s scrawny, we can take him .
Tim: i like this violent side of you
Sasha: Ok well you and I are the only ones allowed to be mean to martin, and only on certain vengeful occasions, so jon is Breaking the Law .
Sasha to Jon
Sasha: Hi jon, did you say something to martin ?
Jon: I’m not sure what you mean? I said “thank you” when he brought me tea?
Jon: He also asked me whether I would be coming to drinks, and I said I would, if you all would have me.
Sasha: And that’s it ?
Jon: Yes. Why?
Sasha: Tim said he seemed upset when he left your office .
Jon: Hm. I can’t imagine why that would be.
Sasha: I’ll talk to him, I guess . See what’s wrong .
Jon: Please do.
Sasha to Tim
Sasha: Jon didn’t seem to know anything about it .
Tim: we just have to corner martin and force him to tell us what jon did
Tim: i have no idea where he went though
“Business As (Un)usual”
Proactive Facial Wash: Martin we’re on your side, whatever jon did we’ll deal with it together, ok ?
Agent of the Dark Web: yeah we’re here for you, please let us help!!
Elias’s Days Are Numbered: um?
Elias’s Days Are Numbered: did jon do something??
Proactive Facial Wash: We...thought he did ?
Agent of the Dark Web: yeah he must’ve, you look so freaked out when you came out of jon’s office
Elias’s Days Are Numbered: ah
Elias’s Days Are Numbered: um. no, that’s not
Elias’s Days Are Numbered: i was just a bit flustered. um
Agent of the Dark Web: ??
Elias’s Days Are Numbered: jon didn’t do anything bad!!
Elias’s Days Are Numbered: i was just. not entirely prepared for his fashion choices today?
Agent of the Dark Web: his w h a t
Elias’s Days Are Numbered: :///
Proactive Facial Wash: I am heading back to the room, right now immediately .
Agent of the Dark Web: ok im checking through the window and i can tell he’s not wearing a suit but. not sure what im looking at
Agent of the Dark Web: im going in
Elias’s Days Are Numbered: noo tim dont bother him :(
Proactive Facial Wash: RIP jon’s peace and quiet .
Proactive Facial Wash: it’s been 30 seconds...maybe tim has been Stunned TM
Agent of the Dark Web: ok stfu both of you, i was in and out so fast
Agent of the Dark Web: and marto
Agent of the Dark Web: oh dear sweet marto
Agent of the Dark Web: now,, i understand
Agent of the Dark Web: which element got to you the most, i wonder...was it the multiple earrings? the combat boots? the flannel tied around his waist? or maybe it was the fact that for the first time in the history of jon’s entire existence,,,his sleeves were rolled up?
Agent of the Dark Web: it may also have been the eyeliner
Proactive Facial Wash: p a r d o n
Agent of the Dark Web: you heard me
Proactive Facial Wash: I know Jon’s style has been getting less stuffy since the Worm Incident but...this is New .
Agent of the Dark Web: or maybe...a blast from the past
Agent of the Dark Web: who knows what sort of punk rock look jon had at uni
Agent of the Dark Web: who knows what kind of stuff he got up to. was he in a band? the world may never know
Proactive Facial Wash: Jon ? In a band ? Nah .
Agent of the Dark Web: weirder things have happened sash. today, jon made marto even more gay,,,which we all assumed was impossible
Elias’s Days Are Numbered: can we please change the subject :(
Proactive Facial Wash: Oh of course ! Sorry, we didn’t mean to call you out like that martin ! Also im back at the room, tim has this shit-eating grin
Agent of the Dark Web: haha yeah
Proactive Facial Wash: You can come back now, from wherever you went .
Elias’s Days Are Numbered: i was just walking around outside the institute, getting some fresh air. my face felt like it was well and truly on fire. I think it’s better now? just need to avoid jon, i suppose
Agent of the Dark Web: sure sure
Agent of the Dark Web: but what are the Odds you’ll go in and tell him his outfit makes him so attractive that you had to physically remove yourself from the building
Elias’s Days Are Numbered: zero
12:19 pm
Sasha to Tim
Sasha: So I’ve been thinking about Jon’s new fashion statement
Tim: havent we all
Sasha: and, well. it could be ~interesting~ to flip the script .
Tim: ooh tell me more
Sasha: I think the three of us should go on an outing to some shops today, have martin try on some things, have him experiment stylistically
Sasha: What I’m saying is I want jon to experience the same level of gay panic as martin did today
Tim: have i told you you’re a genius
Sasha: Yes, because i frequently am one !
Tim: ok so im thinking, the boss’s New Look is more dark academia with a sprinkling of punk--kind of vampire-y? Martin’s usually cottage core-esque. We can either make him even more cottage core so that he looks fuckingh adorable or we can go the other direction, the punk direction, and literally make jon pass out
Sasha: I like both options ! We’ll have to see what martin is most comfy with .
Tim: hell yeah
Tim: i just asked him if he wanted to go become a fashion icon after work and he was a lil confused but he said he was down!!
Sasha: s u c c e s s
3:51 pm
“personally victimized by eliass douchard”
Tim: i have a question
Jon: Is it related to your job?
Tim: absolutely not
Tim: which of the mechanisms would you most want to date
Tim: ill go first, the vast majority of them
Jon: I am not participating in this.
Sasha: Probably gunpowder tim !
Tim: ah yes, because his name is tim. that’s a very sexy name
Sasha: Um no, it’s because he’s beautiful and I love his hair .
Tim: ok that’s actually. yeah, both those things are true
Tim: @Martin who do you want to date
Martin: oh! umm well when i was at uni i had a huge crush on jonny d’ville 0///0
Tim: good choice ;)
Sasha: Tim you are being so creepy rn .
Jon: Perhaps we could bring this discussion to an end!
Tim: fiiine
Tim to Sasha
Tim: i would have given my soul to see jon’s expression
Sasha: I couldn’t see his face from the window, but i imagine he was quietly having a crisis
Tim: if only martin knew the things we do for him. *sigh*
Sasha: If martin knew--at this point in our Operation--he would be absolutely mortified .
Jon to Martin
Jon: Martin, I was informed by one of your colleagues that I may have upset you earlier today? If that is the case, I apologize.
Martin: oh, um. No, no it was all a big misunderstanding, i wasn’t upset, you didn’t upset me, it’s.
Martin: I wasn’t upset. You have no reason to apologize, but thank you, jon, for doing that. It means a lot that you’d reach out anyway.
Jon: Well, good, I am glad you are all right.
Jon: I know I haven’t been...the most kind person in the past. And I am trying to be less standoffish, but, well. It is a process. Sometimes I act like a complete arse and I don’t realize it.
Jon: Please let me know in the future if I am unduly harsh with you.
Martin: oh, um okay! will do :))
5:00 pm
“Business As (Un)usual”
Agent of the Dark Web: tis time
Agent of the Dark Web renamed the group “walk walk fashion baybee”
Proactive Facial Wash: Ok give me a minute and ill be ready !
Elias’s Days Are Numbered: want to meet out front??
Agent of the Dark Web: for sure
Elias’s Days Are Numbered: :)))
7:21 pm
Sasha to Tim
Sasha: That went surprisingly well !
Tim: what do you mean surprisingly, i never had any doubt that we’d be great at this
Tim: tomorrow, martin is going to look amazing, and jon is going to lose his shit, and i am going to sit back and enjoy the show
Sasha: That is definitely something I am looking forward to .
Sasha: It also made me really happy to see martin getting past some of his insecurities, like at first he was nervous about trying things out of his comfort zone, but there was this moment where it all shifted for him and he started to genuinely enjoy himself . Did you see how excited he got when we were looking at necklaces ?
Tim: “I’ve wanted to try this stuff for so long, I just never really let myself” tysm marto for ripping my heart in half
Sasha: I know, I felt so bad !! But now he has us to remind him that it’s okay to do things like that, things that seem scary and maybe a bit societally rebellious .
Sasha: Anyway, I’ve gtg, I’m back at the institute and I don’t want to be here for longer than I have to . I already have a feeling it’s going to be a late night .
Tim: ew that sucks so much
Tim: ill leave you to your *gags* proactivity
Sasha: see you tomorrow xx
Thursday, 1:03 am
“walk walk fashion baybee”
Proactive Facial Wash: I know you are both asleep
Proactive Facial Wash: but something just happened, and I need to talk about it before work tomorrow .
Proactive Facial Wash: Just
Proactive Facial Wash: text me when you wake up .
Proactive Facial Wash: And, please, don’t tell jon .
Chapter End Notes
Ooo fic's first cliffhanger, sorry about that, I try to avoid them but this one is actually necessary!
What will Martin's new look be? What could Sasha have possibly experienced?? All will be revealed in the next chapter...
Kudos are always appreciated and comments are always read and responded to, because they do in fact bring me joy.
You can chat with me @starryknightart on instagram! My page is mostly Good Omens at the moment but I'm working on introducing more TMA content :)
actual communication
Chapter Summary
Sasha recounts the events of last night; Martin tries out a new look.
Chapter Notes
Posting this before listening to the new update because its content warnings are "tooth-aching fluff" and I honestly don't know if I'll be able to handle the whiplash.
See the end of the chapter for more notes
Thursday, 7:53 am
“walk walk fashion baybee”
Elias’s Days Are Numbered: sasha are you okay?? those messages you left are really concerning :///
Proactive Facial Wash: Yeah sorry I didn’t mean to be cryptic, I was just really unnerved . I feel much better now !
Elias’s Days Are Numbered: that’s good, that’s really good!! um, do you still want to talk about what happened, or?
Proactive Facial Wash: Oh definitely .
Proactive Facial Wash: As you know, I was working late at the institute, and it got to be late, like really late. You saw the timestamp on my messages, I didn’t even leave until after midnight .
Proactive Facial Wash: So I assumed, reasonably, that I was the only one there . I wanted to put a file on jon’s desk to save myself some trouble in the morning, and his door was unlocked. I could see through the window that the lights were off . I didn’t think much of it . I didn’t knock . I just went in .
Proactive Facial Wash: Since it wasn’t too far to his desk, I didn’t bother with the light switch, I let the light from the breakroom come through the doorway. I think the darkness on either side was why I noticed the sound so quickly ... You’re more in tune with your other senses in the dark, you know? So I had only taken a few steps when I heard a tape recorder and a hushed voice, and I saw the yellow shine of a lantern spiking out from a nearby row of filing cabinets . I caught something about “supplemental recordings” before the voice cut off .
Proactive Facial Wash: Then jon came round the corner, and we both startled, badly. I think I laughed, just because I was so weirded out, and because I was relieved that it was jon and not some worm creature . But jon didn’t laugh . Even when he saw it was me, he looked...nervous . Almost more nervous than before, as though I had been the thing he was hiding from ?
Proactive Facial Wash: I assumed he had been hiding, at least . It’s possible he wasn’t, but . It felt like he was . Like he had tried to burrow into the archive. To shield himself .
Proactive Facial Wash: I told him I was sorry for barging in. He didn’t seem to hear, just straight away asked if I was the only one still in the building. Before I could even answer, his eyes kind of...glazed over, and he said, “Ah. Yes, you are.”
Proactive Facial Wash: Then things got even more bizarre . He started asking me questions, like why was i working late, why was i in his office. I answered those easily enough . But then he asked...did i know about the tunnels before the Worm Situation, and what was my relationship to gertrude like, and what did i know about the entity that tried to replace me, and i don’t know why but told him everything i knew, it all came spilling out and i couldn’t stop it until i had said it all .
Proactive Facial Wash: I was freaked out and jon looked equally freaked out, even though he was the one asking me these things, and eventually i realized the point he was getting at, which is when i got hit with this wall of just,,,anger ! and i told him, in no uncertain terms, that i did NOT kill gertrude, and i did NOT want to kill him either !!
Proactive Facial Wash: He just sort of. Looked at me . Through me ? His eyes did the same glazed thing for a moment . Then I think he realized how paranoid he was being because he got really quiet and embarrassed. He said he believed me . That he was sorry . And i just walked right out and slammed the door behind me . I didn’t even notice i was still clutching the file in this crazy death grip until like ten minutes later. I didn’t bother trying to deliver it to his desk again . I slipped it under his door before leaving .
Proactive Facial Wash: It was only after i got home that i messaged you two . As you can imagine, my first priority was getting the hell away from the archives .
Agent of the Dark Web: hey uhhh wtf
Agent of the Dark Web: I woke up halfway through your messages and wow, what a way to start the morning
Agent of the Dark Web: that is honestly terrifying
Elias’s Days Are Numbered: sasha how did you sleep after that?? I would have been up all night!!
Proactive Facial Wash: No idea, but I was out when i hit the pillow . I guess i was more exhausted than scared .
Agent of the Dark Web: does this mean jon is Spooky TM?
Proactive Facial Wash: Maybe ? At the very least he’s up to some shady business .
Elias’s Days Are Numbered: he has definitely been jumpier since i found gertrude in the tunnels. :( i guess he thinks one of us did it, and now we’re after him??
Agent of the Dark Web: that would explain why he’s been looking even more sleep deprived than usual. the guy’s paranoid someone is going to come murk him in the night
Elias’s Days Are Numbered: we need to convince him that we aren’t murderers!! :((
Agent of the Dark Web: i mean speak for yourself but
Agent of the Dark Web: yeah we don’t want to kill him
Proactive Facial Wash: ….ignoring tim’s apparent murderous tendencies
Proactive Facial Wash: I agree . And maybe it will be easier now that he believes at least one of us is innocent ?
Agent of the Dark Web: yeah he should just Spookily interrogate us like he did you
Elias’s Days Are Numbered: maybe we shouldn’t do it first thing though? i feel like he might get defensive, especially since he probably expects us to confront him :/ if we do it later in the day, it might feel less targeted
Proactive Facial Wash: That’s a really good idea, martin ! Let’s just treat it like a normal day and we’ll talk to him later on .
Agent of the Dark Web: marto you’re still wearing your new Look today right??
Elias’s Days Are Numbered: i mean, i can!! I’ve been thinking, i used to do something different to my hair….
Agent of the Dark Web: intriguing! you 10000% should go for it
Elias’s Days Are Numbered: oh ok! then i will :)
Proactive Facial Wash: Thanks for listening fam, I’ll see you all at work .
Elias’s Days Are Numbered: we’re here for you!! see you soon <3
Agent of the Dark Web: cheers sash
11:33 am
Tim to Sasha
Tim: mayday mayday we have a problem
Tim: jon is being even more socially withdrawn than usual
Sasha: I mean...that seems understandable? based on what happened last night ?
Tim: ok but i need him to Not
Sasha: What specifically is the problem here .
Tim: martin went in to give him tea, the boss apparently kept his eyes down, on his work, didn’t look up at all
Tim: and he didn’t see martin’s new fashion choices!!!
Sasha: Ah .
Tim: marto says it’s fine but it is NOT. to reiterate, the boy is wearing: a vintage fleece-lined denim jacket, a black turtleneck, tWO necklaces of varying lengths for ultimate Aesthetic, and fashionably mismatched earrings?? I didnt even know his ears were pierced? And did you see what he did to his hair!!
Tim: it doesn’t look waaay different but he styled it so that rather than having the “sweet library sunflower boy” look, he’s like,,, rough n tumble? a grunge sk8er boy? like tf?? he so easily could have done his hair like that before, without warning, and sasha, i would not have survived, and you wouldn’t have either
Sasha: I take back what I said, Jon needs to Pay Attention .
Tim: im gonna make martin go back in at some point, this opportunity shall not be wasted!!
1:02 pm
Tim: i stg
Sasha: Did martin try again ?
Tim: yes and jon did the same exact thing i want to die ughhh
Tim: hang on im taking this discussion to the gc
“walk walk fashion baybee”
Agent of the Dark Web: if jon doesn’t notice marto’s boppin new outfit soon im going to lose my mind
Elias’s Days Are Numbered: it’s really not a problem :/ im enjoying wearing it, that’s what matters right?
Agent of the Dark Web: ok that is the most important thing. but getting jon to rethink all of his life choices is also a necessity
Elias’s Days Are Numbered: haha yeah, it would be pretty entertaining >:)
Elias’s Days Are Numbered: but also im a bit worried? when i went in i saw that he had these scratches on his wrists and forearms. sort of looked like when you trip and scrape yourself on concrete? sasha did you notice this yesterday?
Proactive Facial Wash: I did not, but to be fair, it was really dark, plus I was not exactly concentrating on his arms .
Agent of the Dark Web: how dare you not notice jon’s arms lmao
Agent of the Dark Web: im gonna check this out for myself. also gonna test how little attention jon is paying to his dearest assistants…
Proactive Facial Wash: Oh god what does that mean ?
Proactive Facial Wash: Tim ?
Martin to Sasha
Martin: tim came over to ask if he could borrow my denim jacket, and now he’s wearing it like a scarf?
Martin: his shirt has.. vanished, by the way
Martin: he also has a bunch of pencils sticking sharp end up out of his trouser pockets. I feel like he’s going to somehow impale himself
Martin: he just walked straight into jon’s office?? i cant watch this 0.0
Sasha: I am honestly at a loss for words
“walk walk fashion baybee”
Agent of the Dark Web: i tried. I tried so hard. boss didn’t even GLANCE in my direction
Proactive Facial Wash: Timothy stoker your privileges are revoked
Agent of the Dark Web: which privileges
Proactive Facial Wash: All of them .
Proactive Facial Wash changed Agent of the Dark Web ’s name to [Name]
[Name]: damn,,,,even my identity privileges
Proactive Facial Wash: You can have them back once you have thought seriously about your actions !
[Name]: what i just did was iconic and you know it
[Name]: anyway, moving past jon’s refusal to acknowledge a Look that has every right to be acknowledged, i did see the scrapes on his wrist
[Name]: gotta say, they seemed pretty fresh, and painful. Normally i would make a joke about him taking a tumble while doing a 360 ollie kickflip at the nearest half-pipe but i wont because im Thinking Seriously About My Actions .
[Name]: and now that im fr thinking about it, the way jon was clearly avoiding looking in my direction was so,,,tired. it wasn’t him being rude or anything, he was just. folding into himself, into the desk.
[Name]: i agree with marto. there are some Concerns to be had
Elias’s Days Are Numbered: how do we help him if he wont even look at us? :((
Proactive Facial Wash: I think...I need to talk to him .
Proactive Facial Wash: I mean, that’s honestly the last thing i want to do right now .
Proactive Facial Wash: Obviously jon is going through something, and if he wants to be in his feelings, that’s fine . But refusing to address the elephant in the room will make it worse, for him and for me .
Proactive Facial Wash: Besides, martin looks slick af and jon is not allowed to ignore that .
[Name]: hell yeah sash
Elias’s Days Are Numbered: that sounds like a good idea, i think! good luck <3
Sasha to Jon
Sasha: Can I talk to you ?
Jon: Is this work related?
Sasha: Jon, you know it’s not .
Jon: Right.
Sasha: Before you start apologizing, I don’t blame you . I’m not going to go off on you for whatever happened last night . I just need some honesty, okay ? And I think you need some, too .
Jon: I...yes, of course. You’re right. A sit-down would be beneficial.
Jon: Please meet me in my office at your earliest convenience.
Sasha: Sure. Should I get martin to make us some tea? :)
Jon: That would be greatly appreciated.
2:11 pm
“walk walk fashion baybee”
Proactive Facial Wash: I’m back .
[Name]: ok im out rn but jfc sasha it’s been a full hour, what the hell went on in there
Elias’s Days Are Numbered: yeah, did everything go well?? what did you guys talk about? :0
Proactive Facial Wash: It went really well, actually ! That was by far the most frank and revealing communication I have EVER had with jon . (I know that’s a low bar, since it’s jon, but even by normal standards the conversation was good .)
Proactive Facial Wash: Some of what we went over is more delicate - jon wants to tell you two about it later, on his own terms, and im going to respect that because what he told me is absolutely batshit and requires a lot of explanation. He was really struggling to be open about it, which is why i trust that he was telling me the truth .
Proactive Facial Wash: What I can say is that the manner of gertrude’s death really got to him, just like we assumed . He convinced himself that whoever had killed her was also after him, which is why he’s been looking even more exhausted than usual, and why he’s been acting off . He actually admitted that i was at the top of his whodunnit list ! He figured it had something to do with why that lookalike creature failed to take my place, like maybe--because i supposedly killed gertrude--there was some secret alliance between me and creatures like it which prevented harm from coming to me ?
[Name]: are you sure this isn’t the batshit part
Proactive Facial Wash: I didn’t say only part of it was batshit, because all of it is . It’s just that the ~secret~ stuff is a different variety of batshit .
Proactive Facial Wash: Anyway, he now thinks elias did it .
[Name]: SGSJKSGS
Elias’s Days Are Numbered: >:)
Proactive Facial Wash: Surprisingly, he’s also still down for drinks tomorrow, but only if you guys don’t try to talk about this stuff with him !
Elias’s Days Are Numbered: we wont!! right tim??
[Name]: fineee we wont, but i do support his decision to pin elias with murder
Elias’s Days Are Numbered: me as well!
Proactive Facial Wash: Oh same, whether or not he actually did it .
Elias’s Days Are Numbered: do you think elias actually killed gertrude??
Proactive Facial Wash: I really don’t know . Weirder things have happened ?
[Name]: idk why he would but he’s a bitch boy so he might as well have, and i low key hope he did so that he’ll get charged and Suffer
Elias’s Days Are Numbered: ^^^that would make my day!! :D
Proactive Facial Wash: Martin for xmas maybe i’ll get you a handcuffed elias
Elias’s Days Are Numbered: 0-0
[Name]: SASHA
[Name]: sasha i am choking, i cannot breathe
[Name]: please reread what you just sent i am fuckign,,, begging on my knees i
Proactive Facial Wash: Oh my godddd I did not mean it like that !!!
Proactive Facial Wash: I am laughing so hard, martin i did not mean to say i will gift you with bdsm!elias
Elias’s Days Are Numbered: i um. i know what you meant it just. took a second to process…
[Name]: ok but, i think, given the opportunity, jon would for sure non-sexually whip elias, thoughts?
Elias’s Days Are Numbered: no thoughts head empty
[Name]: is that a statement or a wish
Proactive Facial Wash: Im blocking you .
4:36 pm
[Name]: [sent a video: at first the view is shaky and blurred and pointed down at Tim’s feet as he runs across dark carpet. Then: rapid tilt up and zoom through the window to the archives as Martin makes his way toward Jon’s desk with a handful of papers. Jon visibly steels himself, then says something and looks up at Martin, reaching for the papers. He does a double-take as Martin deposits the papers in his hand. Eyes wide and mouth hanging open, he forgets to close his hand on them, and so fumbles and drops the papers—they scatter everywhere. From behind the camera, Tim struggles to contain himself as the two scramble to gather it all. Breathless from laughter, Tim wheezes, “I can not fucking believe this, I’m witnessing the archives version of two teens in a high school romcom bumping into each other in the hallway, what the fuck.”]
[Name]: i am satisfied with this turn of events
[Name]: i considered sending this vid to the gc with the boss in it and then acting like, oops wrong gc, but I didn’t because I’m a good person who is thinking seriously about his actions
[Name]: so can I have my identity privileges back now
Proactive Facial Wash: The fact that you thought about doing that does not help your case…
Proactive Facial Wash: But you managed to capture the Moment on video despite Martin’s sneakiness so I’ll give in
Proactive Facial Wash changed [Name] ’s name to Tim
Tim: ew
Tim: i feel so seen, in the worst way possible
Proactive Facial Wash: Then change it
Tim: nah im too lazy
Tim: @martin i know you’re getting these notifs, what was it like to give jon an existential crisis
Elias’s Days Are Numbered: oh! um, well at first when he dropped the papers he sort of blamed it on factors that were Not my outfit, saying it had been a long day and he was out of his head a bit. and of course i told him that was fine, it was an accident! but when i made to leave, after we had gathered all the pages off the floor, he stopped me and told me he thought i looked nice :))
Tim: translation: jon’s brain functions immediately halted when he saw how hawt martin looked, rebooted when he dropped the papers, then whipped through the five stages of grief in fifteen seconds, starting with denial, ie “it’s been a long day”, and ending with acceptance, ie “you look nice”
Elias’s Days Are Numbered: but maybe it really was just a long day! i mean, it was, for him! just...i dont see why jon would get so worked up over a moderate change in what im wearing
Tim: uh marto, maybe he ~likes~ you
Elias’s Days Are Numbered: no that cant be it
Proactive Facial Wash: There is so much dumbassery happening in this chat right now .
Tim: yeah? what are you gonna do about it, huh? punk?
Proactive Facial Wash: Nothing, i know it’s unstoppable, like the eventual collapse of the sun
Elias’s Days Are Numbered: oh no maybe there was a stain or a rip in my shirt or something and i just didnt see it, but jon saw it?? and he said i looked nice for pity??? :’((
Proactive Facial Wash: ........Exhibit A .
Chapter End Notes
@Everyone who guessed that Michael would be the one to show up? That's valid, but I have Other Plans which include Jon coming to terms with being semi eldritch.
Kudos are always appreciated! And comments are always read with vigor and responded to, also with vigor.
karaoke
Chapter Summary
Tim and Sasha make a few additions to their Operation; Martin gets some alone time with Jon.
Chapter Notes
......You might need this: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8mHXEYHC1XI
See the end of the chapter for more notes
Friday, 2:50 pm
“walk walk fashion baybee”
Proactive Facial Wash: Did someone tell Jon we’re doing karaoke tonight ?
Elias’s Days Are Numbered: no…
Tim: haha nah
Tim: we just have to get him a bit tipsy before springing it on him
Elias’s Days Are Numbered: i dunno...even if he’s drunk, i feel like jon’s not exactly the type of person who likes to sing? especially in front of people?
Tim: guess we’ll have to find out!
Proactive Facial Wash: You never know martin, he might surprise you :)
Sasha to Tim
Sasha: If jon refuses to sing, thus depriving us of watching martin’s realization that our boss is the one and only jonny d’ville, I am never talking to him again !
Tim: we’ve just gotta be clever about it. we’ll get him on stage, dont worry
Sasha: I also have some other ideas for furthering our Operation…
Tim: youre in artefact storage rn, right? im headed there anyway, give me all the deets in person
Sasha: Sure thing .
5:00 pm
“personally victimized by eliass douchard”
Tim: time to get absolutely smashed!!
Sasha: Time to babysit three embarrassingly drunk adults .
Tim: we <3 our designated chaperone
Jon: I assure you I will not be getting “smashed” tonight.
Tim: we’ll see
Martin: shall we meet upstairs at reception? :))
Sasha: Yes ! Although I have a feeling rosie is going to silently judge us .
Tim: that’s ok, she’s used to our antics by now, it’s a friendly judging
5:54 pm
Tim to Sasha
Tim: i just looked it up , the pub we’re goin gto has mechs sonngs in karaoke
Sasha: How are you texting me right now ?
Sasha: We are at a booth, having dinner, and you’re literally in the middle of a conversation with martin, AND you’re not looking down as you type .
Tim: im skilled ,
Tim: andwe need to capitaliz e on this opportnity
Sasha: Agreed ! We can ~casually~ give jon the news after dinner .
Tim: yess
6:49 pm
Sasha: Just did a bad thing .
Sasha: I regret the thing I did .
Tim: do u tho
Sasha: No .
Sasha: [sent an audio recording: The recording is somewhat muffled by fabric, with the sound of footsteps on pavement and passing cars underlying the conversation.
Martin: ––would be quite interesting, I think. Maybe.
Tim: Oh most definitely!
Sasha: So guys. Karaoke.
Tim: Karaoke!
Jon: Karaoke?
Martin: Oh. Yes, there’s...karaoke? At the next pub? If you want to do it, you don’t have to, of course, if singing isn’t fun for you, or––
Tim and Jon start talking at the same time, then both stop.
Tim: C’mon, boss, we can go as a group, or in pairs if you want, you know you’ll like it.
Jon: I don’t know, I...I doubt I’ll know any of the songs well enough, I’m not very up-to-date with popular music.
Sasha: That’s all right! Tim looked into it, and it turns out they have music we all know.
Jon: Music we...What do you mean?
Sasha: The Mechs.
Tim: Yep!
Martin: Wait, they really––? Wow, wow, that’s––wow!
Jon: Oh, no, um. I’m. Hm.
Tim: Roles, let’s assign roles. I’m Gunpowder Tim, obviously, I’ll sing his parts with pride .
Martin: Ooh, um, can I be Ashes?
Sasha: Of course, Martin! And I can do Toy Soldier.
Tim: Last but not least, Jon is the humble Captain Jonny!
Sasha and Martin, in unison: First Mate!
Jon: I’m not––I don’t–– Listen , there’s––
Tim: Do it for Martin, he’d be so disappointed without the full archives crew!
Martin: Oh! Um. Well, I mean. If you really...don’t want to do it, Jon, I’d understand. But I don’t want you to be left out, either? And I think you’d have fun. No, actually I know you’d have fun, I’m positive. So. That’s. Those are my thoughts on the matter.
Jon: Well…
Martin: I––Yeah, I know not everyone likes to sing in front of a bunch of people, I get it––
Jon: God, no, Martin, it’s not that, I––Hm. You know what? All right, fine, I’ll be this...immortal space pirate. Whatever his name is.
Tim: That’s the spirit, boss! You’ll make a fantastic Jonny D’ville.
Jon (mumbling): It’d be depressing if I didn’t.]
Tim: i had to act like i was getting a phone call and walk all the way outside the pub to listen to this but,,,hearing how obviously jon gave in once martin sounded disappointed, plus that thing he said at the end which i did NOT hear the first time around?? makes it worth it
Sasha: I know ! Just thought you should hear it before we actually do karaoke .
Tim: yeah can we do that soon? ive listened to the other performers for long enough, against my will, and ive determined i need to be at least their level of drunk to be able to handle a gaggle of karens going up one by one to do their own personal rendition of chandelier
Sasha: Im getting that printed on a t-shirt .
7:21 pm
Jon to Sasha
Jon: You know.
Sasha: What do I know ?
Jon: About me and the mechs
Jon: I didnt mean to Know it but I got suspicious, because when we were all singing you looked at me and you seemed too smiley, or something. you and Tim did. So I wondered about it, and now I Know
Sasha: You got me…
Sasha: To be fair, it wasn’t very hard to find online .
Jon: I suppose not.
Jon: Martin doesn’t know, though?
Sasha: Not yet ! But I think he’d be truly dazzled to find it out :)
Jon: ...Yes, probably
Jon: I’ll wait until tim has finished singing
Sasha: Oh ok ! How are you going to reveal it, then ?
Jon: With style
Sasha: o h
Sasha to Tim
Sasha: [sent a video: Jon and Tim stand on the raised stage, Tim singing the doleful part of Briar Rose in “Sleeping Beauty”. Then the tempo picks up and Jon blazes fully into his role, blasting away with taunts at the invisible guards without even glancing at the lyrics on the screen. The camera pans quickly to the right, where Martin is watching with delight. He notices Sasha filming and pulls a face.
Martin: He’s really going for it! What’s this for then?
Sasha: What, the camera?
Martin: Yeah, that.
Sasha: I want to get your face when you realize.
Martin: When I realize…I don’t know what I’m realizing.
Sasha: Jon’s singing voice sounds familiar, doesn’t it?
Martin: It––Does it? His…
Martin looks back at Jon, who laughs with maniacal glee as the sounds of gunfire rain down in him, then sings fervently that the guards should give up, as he cannot die. The moment Martin realizes, his expression slackens, his eyes go big, his hands come up to cover his mouth. Sasha snickers, the video jiggling slightly. A few seconds later, Sasha whips the camera back to the stage, where Tim and Jon have moved to the very edge. Then she backs up so that Martin is also in the frame.
Jon: Is this her? How do we wake her up?
Tim, gesturing down at Martin: Well, you could try kissing her.
Jon, blanching: I–I’m not going to kiss a sleeping stranger, Tim. That’s really fucking creepy.
Tim, looking far too pleased with himself: Oh? Well, try your normal plan. Shoot the machines until they explode.]
Sasha: I know you’re not looking at your phone right now, but whenever you read this, I want you to know that you’re an evil mastermind .
Sasha: You already know what this video is, and I’m sure you’ll enjoy watching it later !
7:43 pm
Tim: i will definiteleley be watching this later
Tim: and this, what were doing rn, is a good plan im gla d u told me about it earlier in storage
Sasha: It makes logical sense, furthering our Operation by easing jon into spending some alone time with our dearest martin !
Sasha: I told them i had to go to the loo but what was your excuse ? You left after me .
Tim: i told them i saw someone i knew and wantedd to saw hi
Tim: can you see them from wherever you are
Sasha: A bit . Looks like they’re just talking .
Tim: boooring
Sasha: Wait they’re laughing about something .
Sasha: Oh !
Sasha: Jon touched Martin’s arm ,
Sasha: and didn’t immediately remove it .
Tim: yeah boss!
Sasha: They’re both so awkward i can feel it from here .
Sasha: We’ll give them a few more minutes .
Tim: jfc they’d be hopeless without us
10:19 pm
“personally victimized by eliass douchard”
Tim: slushiiiies
Tim: yesss
Martin: tim we know, we’re all here lolol
Tim: im recording my excitement for slushsis so that tomorrow when i forget what we d id then ill knowe we got them
Tim: i got it now yesssss, future Me i got a slush at 10 20
Tim: everyonn put your flavours
Jon: why, when you’re drunk, are you more dedicated to recording evidence than i am?
Tim: ew gonna disregard that. now--flavours
Jon: green apple
Tim: disgusting
Tim: marto go
Martin: i mixed strawberry with vanilla syrup :))
Tim: better. sasha
Sasha: Pina colada !
Tim: i respect that mostly
Tim: and i got blue raspberry bc it fukcing SLAPS
Tim: marto whered you do
Tim: haha its like the game. waldo
Tim: wheres marto
Tim: or marco polo
Tim: marto polo
Tim: god im so fuckinh smart
Jon: We are in the next aisle getting snacks, do you want something specific
Tim: ooh la la alone togethre in the snack isle
Tim: if theyve walkers then yea
Tim: just not prawn cocktail gfuck
10:39 pm
Sasha: Tim, some more “evidence” for your future self :
Sasha: [sent a photo: In the bright artificial light of the store, Tim, bent at the knee, raises up his slushie with both hands like a chalice or a sword. His face is tilted upward and his eyes are squeezed shut, as though he is paying homage to some slushie deity.]
Sasha: [sent a photo: Also in the store, Martin is talking about something with a quizzical smile as he holds out his red-and-white slushie for Jon to try. Jon is in the middle of scooping some out with his purple plastic spoon-straw, his expression concentrated, yet much more open and relaxed than usual. He has forgotten about his own slushie, which tilts in his other hand, on the verge of spilling over.]
Sasha: [sent a photo: Outside in the darkness of the evening, Sasha gives the camera an unimpressed look. Behind her, illuminated by the fluorescent lights beaming out through the windows of the store, Martin and Tim duel with their spoon-straws while Jon does his best to appear annoyed.]
10:54 pm
Tim: water
Tim: rivers at night
Tim: just tim things ™
Sasha: I cant wait for you to read through this chat when you’re sober .
Tim: note for futre less fun sober self, jumped in river, good times
Sasha: No you did not and you will not .
Tim: hhaha times. tim(e)s. tims. im father time yo
Tim: daddy time ;)))/))
Tim: and we shalle see, sasha jamms
Tim: sasha pyjammas
Sasha: I don’t know why you’re suddenly so into wordplay but it should immediately stop .
Jon: at the risk of being pulled into this, i very much agree with sasha
Tim: im calling you sasha pyjamms for ever :)
Tim to Martin
Tim: sasha separated us along the river bank when i wanted to do Odds but she forgot about phones hehe, sneaky sneaky
Martin: im not asking for the Odds that you’ll jump i the river because i know you want to do that anyway!! :(
Tim: fineee
Tim: ...Odds you’ll ask me what are the Odds ill jump in the river
Martin: 1 of 45
Martin: 12
Bet Bot: 29
Tim: fuk
Tim: Odds you’ll take jon on a romantic moonlit walk down the river
Martin: ...1 of 5
Martin: 2
Bet Bot: 3
Tim: overridden, betbot: 2
Martin: :0
Tim: additional Odds,,tell jon he looks hawt
Martin: tim!!
Tim: ok Odds you’ll tell him he lookes cute
Martin: 1 of 50!!
Martin: 9
Bet Bot: 9
Tim: SFHS FINALLY
Martin: oh no oh no this was a mistake
Tim: youve got tthis buster
Tim: i believ in u
Tim: shit sash pjamz saw me grinning sneakily shes marching over
Tim: remember me at my best, m
Martin: rip
Martin to Sasha
Martin: um im going on a quick stroll with jon ill be back...
Sasha: Oh ok have fun ! <3
Martin: btw tim is sneaking toward the water now that youre distracted
Sasha: shiT
1:03 am
“personally victimized by eliass douchard”
Sasha: Is everybody back home yet ?
Martin: yes!
Tim: yeas
Jon: i am, yes
Sasha: Great !
Sasha: I hope all of you sleep well and have a great weekend
Tim: hmph
Sasha: Tim I know you’re mad I kept you from jumping in the river, that i literally half carried you away from the shallows, but you’ll thank me later .
Tim: doubt it, u skewerd my dreams
Tim changed Martin ’s name to Marto polo
Tim changed Sasha ’s name to Sasha pyjams
Tim changed his name to Daddy time
Marto polo: finally nicknames :))
Jon: i am extremely relieved i have been spared
Daddy time: i couldn think of a good one for u, i tried so hard
Jon: anyway, im going to bed now
Sasha pyjams: Goodnight !
Marto polo: goodnight guys!! and especially to our esteemed immortal space pirate :D
Jon: your humble captain bids you all goodnight
Martin changed Jon ’s name to First mate
Daddy time: gOT EM
First mate: the Disrespect, i swear
Marto polo: :p
Jon to Martin
Jon: martin, we should walk again
Jon: the walk, i mean. at the river, it was nice. so we should walk again
Jon: it doesn’t have to be at a river
Jon: anywhere really
Jon: if that would be all right with you that is
Jon: actually no i apologize i am being unprofessional. im making you uncomfortable, river and non river walks are unprofessional, im very sorry martin, please disregard this
Jon: goodnight
Martin: wait no jon i’d love to ://
Martin: walks. aren’t unprofessional?? what???
Martin: i swear youre so ridiculous sometimes, id love to do more walks with you jon
Martin: if you still want to?
Jon: oh.
Jon: yes, i would.
Jon: i look forward to it
Martin: me too!!
Martin: night then :) sweet dreams
Jon: goodnight martin. sweet dreams.
Chapter End Notes
I have way too much fun describing the photos, and now I just want to draw all of them and imbed them in the fic? But that would take 15 years. So now I have to choose, which is a crime.
(@ you guys who want to create the cursed elias photo,,,i need this, the world needs this, and honestly,,,the more interpretations the better. imagine a gallery of cursed elias. imagine a chapter of this fic dedicated solely to showcasing different versions of horny elias)
RIP Tim's dreams to jump in the river, maybe one day he'll succeed.
You can chat with me @starryknightart on insta <3
Kudos are always adored! And comments are always read and responded to through happy tears :')
more actual communication
Chapter Summary
Jon makes an apology; the squad goes into protection mode.
Chapter Notes
Quick note: you can chat with me @starryknightart on insta <3
See the end of the chapter for more notes
Saturday, 10:24 am
“personally victimized by eliass douchard”
First mate: There are some things I’d like to discuss with you all.
First mate: I realize that this is not the ideal time or mode of communication for confessions, and that aside from Sasha, we are all likely quite hungover at the moment. You may all still be asleep. That is just as well. Although I don’t exactly deserve it, I’d prefer to say my piece in its entirety, without interruption.
First mate: I’m sure Sasha told you some of this already. Discovering the nature of Gertrude’s death took a toll on me. I became distrustful and angry and distant. Due to my own fears, I treated you all unkindly, even more so than before. I am ashamed to admit that I suspected at least one of you to be involved in Gertrude’s death, and, as such, to be plotting against me.
First mate: This was one of the reasons I agreed to go out for drinks the first time. I wanted to see if the change in environment would reveal the true culprit. Perhaps you would drunkenly let something slip about your plans or motivations. I didn’t expect it to be simply a fun night out. Of course, I am grateful for it now, but the following day, having gotten no closer to determining which of you wanted to kill me, I...struggled. I became more paranoid. More afraid.
First mate: To make matters worse, there was the whole matter of Elias and whatever “progress” he saw in me. And then you informed me that I had known things during our night out. Very specific things, detailed and nuanced things. Topics I had never studied nor even wondered about. As you can imagine, this did nothing to alleviate my anxieties. I believed I was going through some sort of mental episode.
First mate: The night Sasha stayed late was the night it came together for me. I have been making supplemental recordings, usually after working hours, on the subject of Getrude’s murder and its potential suspects. For reasons too convoluted to attempt to explain through texting, I was very suspicious of Sasha. So when she entered my office, without knocking or turning on the lights no less, I immediately assumed she had come to kill me.
First mate: Then there was this overpowering urge, not to fight or flee, but to understand. Why exactly did she want to kill me? Which of my hypotheses was correct? I began asking her questions, but they were more than questions. They had a weight to them. I felt them hook into Sasha and draw the truth from her, easier and with less resistance than a fisherman reeling in a twig caught on the line. I couldn’t stop casting out, either. It was automatic, and cyclical. The knowledge, which I had chased for so long, was intoxicating.
First mate: When Sasha told me she was not Gertrude’s killer, and that she would not be mine, either, I knew it instantly to be true. I Knew it. All doubt vanished, because it was to me a fact, just as the Earth is round and the sun is hot.
First mate: After she left, I went down to the tunnels. I’m not entirely sure why. I have been secretly exploring them for a while now, trying to chart them. Trying to understand how they connect to Gertrude’s death, I suppose. I can hardly remember where I went, or what I saw, but I know that at some point while I was down there, I came to accept my situation for what it was. Something unnatural was happening to me. And Elias knew about it––wanted it, perhaps.
First mate: I can Know things. I don’t always know when it will happen, and I am not usually able to control what I Know. But it is somewhat of a tool that I have at my disposal, albeit an enigmatic and unpredictable one.
First mate: Last night, I Knew that none of you killed Getrude, and that none of you planned to kill me. Although I had already been warming to the idea that my suspicions were baseless, it was confirmed for me in a split moment of Knowing. And then I was at a loss, because I couldn’t understand how I could have honestly suspected any of you in the first place. You were so obviously innocent. The knowledge was clear and unwavering.
First mate: So I would like to apologize. In my attempts to defend myself, I was malicious and illogical. I pushed each of you away. I kept important, potentially dangerous information to myself. I am truly sorry, and I do not expect (or merit) forgiveness, but in any case I wanted to be candid about what has been going on. I hope, at the very least, you will find this information illuminating.
First mate: The fact that every single one of you immediately started typing after I finished my spiel is both impressive and concerning.
Sasha pyjams: My fam is over rn so I can’t stick around but I wanted to say that even though I already heard all of this I’m super proud of you for telling Martin and Tim <3 <3 And you know I forgive you !
First mate: Thank you, Sasha.
Marto polo: Jon, that’s..ok first of all, apology accepted, and i forgive you, /we/ forgive you, because you do actually deserve forgiveness, you know that right?? it isn’t totally unreasonable to act like you did. i mean you were worried one of us wanted to end your life! gertrude got shot to death, and that’s terrifying, even for those of us who weren’t hired as her replacement! i cant imagine how stressful it would be to feel mortally targeted like that, that’s seriously awful jon :( even if i dont exactly approve of you going down into the tunnels all by yourself, im glad to know about it, that explains why your wrist was all scraped up? i wasnt sure what you were doing and i was worried...and as for the Knowing thing, we’ll figure it out together, just please don’t shut us out again!!
Daddy time: ^^yeah same as what marto said. true that you were (and sometimes still are ngl) a huge prick but i guess anyone would be if they were expecting one of their assistants to burst in unannounced and shoot them in the face. plus there’s elias being a creep and you spookily Knowing things, neither of which are exactly good developments, so you get some slack. we do honestly forgive you, boss. you can talk to us AND trust us. the only person who definitely should not trust us is elias, he can absolutely get wrekkd
Daddy time: speaking of which, i just remembered monday is the fifteenth, aka annoy elias day, so we need to figure out what we’re doing. jon, you’re v welcome to join in
First mate: I am...slightly at a loss for words, I did not expect the two of you to so readily forgive me? Thank you, both of you. I will do my best not to shut you out again.
First mate: I would love to be a part of anything that puts Elias in a bad mood.
Daddy time: alright sick. im going to get some food, everyone brainstorm some ideas, reconvene later
Daddy time: also whoever chose these gc names is the funniest person alive
Daddy time: also does anyone know why my tongue is sort of purple
Marto polo: tim you should probably look back through the chat…
Daddy time: aight
12:13 pm
Tim to Sasha
Tim: ty for keeping me from jumping in the river
Tim: like, it would have been great, but only for a second, and then it would have been terrible
Sasha: You are very welcome . Does this mean your future drunk self will stop trying to jump in rivers ?
Tim: prolly not
Sasha: Yeah, I didn’t think so .
Tim: spontaneous drunk river diving comes with the package baybee
Sasha: Hey Siri - How to Return an Unwanted Package
Tim: felt that like a machete in my soul thank u
Sasha: <3
3:16 pm
“personally victimized by eliass douchard”
Daddy time: ive been thinking
Marto polo: since when :0
First mate: Precisely what I was wondering.
Daddy time: both of you stfu, since always
Daddy time: if elias is involved with all this bs, which he probably is, then him wanting to see jon’s “progress” is def supernatural, and def something we want to avoid
Daddy time: actually it kind of gives me horror movie vibes, like he wants to harvest jon’s power once it gets strong enough
Marto polo: what if that’s what happened to gertrude??? she Knew enough and elias killed her to collect her knowledge!!
First mate: I’m not sure how that would work but it’s possible, I suppose.
Daddy time: the more elias can check on jon, the more opportunities he has to do whatever it is he wants to do
Daddy time: the more often jon is at the institute, the more he’s in danger
First mate: I am nervous for wherever this argument is heading.
Daddy time: since we’re his assistants, the more often we’re there, we too are in more danger by default
Daddy time: which is whyyyy
Marto polo: oh dear
Daddy time: next weekend we (especially jon) are not even going to THINK about work
Daddy time: instead, we are going to take advantage of that free admission waterpark deal that martin mentioned like two weeks ago, and we are going to have a great time, and elias can be sad and gross and alone thinking about how he’s not at a waterpark
Marto polo: that actually makes a bit of sense?? but mostly im just excited for the water park :))
First mate: I am not sure I even own swim trunks.
First mate: Ah. Consequently, it seems I do, but they’re at the bottom of a storage tub I haven’t thought about in years, and at this point they’re hopelessly wrinkled.
Daddy time: did you just
First mate: It appears so.
Marto polo: wow :0
Marto polo: spooky but also cool! and useful!!
First mate: Quite.
Daddy time: this is a non-excuse, u can splurge for a cheap pair of trunks
Daddy time: it is water park hours and attendance is mandatory
Daddy time: anyway, you fr need a break, boss
Marto polo: i agree with tim, you should have fun, take a holiday! maybe even see if you can get a long weekend!!
Marto polo: but going back to tim’s point, maybe we should legitimately be thinking about jon’s safety? not just semi-thinking about it as an excuse to go to a water park?
Marto polo: if elias is truly a threat, we need to make sure he can’t easily get to jon
Daddy time: are you thinking what im thinking
Marto polo: i really doubt it but i do want to know what you're thinking
Daddy time: barricade
Marto polo: yes, but actually no
Marto polo: more of a...social barricade? we keep an eye on jon, we don’t leave him alone with elias, and that way elias cant do anything he doesnt want us to see!
First mate: Martin, are you suggesting that my assistants collectively babysit me?
Marto polo: um sort of?? not that you cant um, take care of yourself. it’s more like...a neighborhood watch kind of thing?
Daddy time: you’re the neighborhood, we’re the watch B)
Daddy time: elias is the bitchass burglar we get to chase after with pitchforks and torches
First mate: Ah, yes, because this is the fifteenth century neighborhood watch.
Daddy time: it is, because you were born in the fifteenth century
First mate: I’m? Thirty years old?
Marto polo: wai t what
Daddy time: nO YOURE NOT
Daddy time: there is literally no way, that’s impossible
Marto polo: this is illegal i think
Marto polo: im a full year older than you?? i thought you were older?? all this time??
First mate: I don’t know what you want me to say.
Daddy time: ????
Marto polo: right um....moving back to the original point,
Marto polo: we can take it in shifts. at the very least for the rest of this week. maybe this weekend we can stay at the water park hotel, figure things out together? the more i think about this, the less i like the idea of any of us being alone somewhere that elias can easily access :/
Daddy time: sounds good, and sasha will agree
First mate: I am inclined to say this is overkill, but I’m rather pleased that both of you now share my belief that Elias is, in fact, a threat.
Marto polo renamed the group “we protecc”
Marto polo: we’ll get through this!! we just have to continue to communicate :)
Daddy time: oh, we’re doomed then
Sunday, 9:58 am
Sasha pyjams: I read through all that and Tim is right, I very much agree ! Not only does spending time at the water park sound fun, but it allows us the space to regroup and figure out our next move . Martin’s “neighborhood watch” is something we should definitely put into practice . I don’t trust Elias alone with any of us !!
Marto polo: oh hi sasha! how was yesterday for you??
Sasha pyjams: Good morning martin ! It was really nice, we spent some time crafting because all of us are sixty-year-old ladies, and then we had some casual drinks, and played cards . My cousin’s film got nominated at sundance so he showed us that, and it was really special !
Marto polo: all that sounds lovely, honestly, i guess im a 60 y/o lady too :)) and wow! is he the director or??
Sasha pyjams: He was a major actor in it, and he did a really outstanding job, im so proud of him !
Daddy time: ooh a star in our midst. did you get his autograph
Sasha pyjams: No, he’s my cousin ! That’d be so weird to ask for haha
Daddy time: he’s an actor, he’s got a creative mind, you should ask him for prank ideas for tomorrow
Daddy time: “if you wanted to distress your creepy, potentially dangerous supernatural head boss, what would you do”
Sasha pyjams: I will ask him, but I think I’ll leave out the second half of that description .
First mate: Please do ask, I haven't been able to come up with anything subtle.
Marto polo: um, does that mean all your ideas are..not subtle?
First mate: To put it lightly.
Daddy time: for example??
First mate: Dousing his office with several gallons of Febreeze.
First mate: Drawing a sharpie moustache on his beloved portrait of Jonah Magnus.
First mate: I heard he’s finalizing his umpteenth divorce, so, forging the papers to make it seem as though this time, somehow, the marriage has been determined legally permanent.
First mate: I just want to make him cry.
Daddy time: fuckkkk
Daddy time: boss has gone feral
Marto polo: go off jon!!!
First mate: Like I said, hardly subtle.
Daddy time: ok but let’s save these for a rainy day because they each hold so much power they’re giving me heart palpitations just by existing
Marto polo: hang on, i just thought of something problematic
Marto polo: if elias is involved in all this Knowing stuff, does he Know things too? does he Know about our past pranks??
Daddy time: god i hope not
First mate: If it is anything like what I have experienced, it’s not a constant Knowing. You have to direct your attention toward something that you want to Know (whether or not you do it intentionally). So maybe he was distracted while you were pranking him? Otherwise it seems likely that he would have performed some disciplinary action by now.
Marto polo: that makes sense!!
Marto polo: do you think that has something to do with why he wanted all those cursed photos of him destroyed? :0
Daddy time: whoa,, marto, my mind is blown rn
First mate: Yes, that seems to be the logical explanation. Especially since he had a migraine when he came in.
Daddy time: you know what that means
Marto polo: we’re printing more images of horny elias?
Daddy time: many, many, many more
First mate: Please do not put them in my office this time.
Sasha pyjams: I’m back guys .
Sasha pyjams: Firstly, holy hell jon, remind me never to cross you .
Sasha pyjams: Secondly, Kit suggested that the best pranks are the ones that 1) are personalized, 2) make a lasting impression, 3) make the victim really question their sanity.
Daddy time: can your cousin possibly stay an extra day
Sasha pyjams: He said it depends on what for?
Daddy time: ok so. sasha
Daddy time: s a s h a
Sasha pyjams: Yes tim
Daddy time: actually this is directed toward all of you
Daddy time: jon
Daddy time: marto
Marto polo: yeah tim?
First mate: We’re listening, you don’t need to type out our names.
Daddy time: i need it for dramatic effect
Daddy time: you know that creature that tried to replace sasha? and in the statements with that same entity it was like,,,no one noticed the not-them was any different from the original except for a single person?
First mate: Yes.
Daddy time: also, and i swear this is related, have you seen that one episode of the usa version of the office where jim pranks dwight by having someone else come do his job for a few hours, and everyone pretends not to notice it’s a different person
Marto polo: I GASPED
Sasha pyjams: !!!
First mate: Hm. Yes.
First mate: Elias is going to hate this. >:-)
Chapter End Notes
If you're wondering what to expect for the next chapter, this will give you an idea :) : https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cLNyF1Zw5tg
I feel like I should just rename this fic "the adventures of the cursed elias pic" because apparently that's what drives the plot at this point. Not that I'm complaining.
Also: WATER PARK. For those of you who remember this being mentioned in the very first chapter, yes, when I began the fic, this was the event I was working toward! (Not that it's the ending, there is still much left to go...) At first I was just excited for water park shenanigans. But then the plot fairy visited me, and I realized.....Things Will Happen ;)
Kudos are always adored and comments are always read, and reread, and responded to!
annoy elias day
Chapter Summary
Elias gets what he deserves.
Chapter Notes
Posting this a day early because I'm moving back into my apartment tomorrow, which will take Time.
I am so sorry for certain parts of what you are about to read, but I couldn't help myself.
Edit: I just realized that there are Elias-centric spoilers here! If you haven't gotten to TMA 158...be warned...
See the end of the chapter for more notes
Monday, 8:05 am
“walk walk fashion baybee”
Proactive Facial Wash: I just untraceably printed out an excessive amount of wallet photos of horny elias on the institute’s dime . Also, Jon’s info on the company site has been "updated" .
Tim: all hail the mighty hacker
Elias’s Days Are Numbered: where did you put all the photos??
Proactive Facial Wash: It’s possible they’re stuffed in a trash bag and hidden away in artefact storage .
Tim: that’s perfect in so many ways
Elias’s Days Are Numbered: i just peeked into elias’s office, he looks a bit unwell! :)
Tim: ooohoho the day is only getting started for him
Tim: still cant believe jon agreed to stay home for this
Proactive Facial Wash: I guess his hatred for Elias overpowers his work addiction ?
Proactive Facial Wash: Anyway, Kit has somehow absorbed enough details of Jon’s job experience to be, at this point, almost unbreakable under scrutiny .
Proactive Facial Wash: He’s playing the “cool” version of Jon so that he can hang with us in the breakroom instead of being alone in the archives .
Tim: a cool version of jon that no one questions? yeah elias is going to lose his mind
Tim: in addition to the fact that kit has the Most laid-back vibe?? he looks like a camp counselor who plays guitar and lets you stay up past curfew. he’s literally wearing a bandana rn
Elias’s Days Are Numbered: he definitely puts off a more...goofy aura than jon. do you think itll be long before elias notices?? :0
Tim: if he Knows stuff, even with his brain clogged, i feel like he’ll spooky-sense that something’s wrong
Elias’s Days Are Numbered: his door’s openingin im coming back ahhh!!
Tim: run marto run!
Proactive Facial Wash: Everyone act natural !!
8:24 am
“we protecc”
First mate: Are there any updates? Has Elias seen my Not-Me replacement yet?
Marto polo: yes!
First mate: And?
Marto polo: at first it was amazing!! printing the photos must have worked because elias didn’t seem to know what hit him, he just kept saying “thats not jon, this man is not the archivist” and kit!! kit was incredible, he said “does this mean all the statements i recorded are null and void?” and, in this really soft, devastated voice, “...are you firing me?” and elias looked like he was about to have a stroke. idk how i kept my composure.
First mate: Ha! That does sound highly entertaining. But you implied that something went wrong?
Marto polo: erm, yeah
Marto polo: elias brought kit into his office
Marto polo: we tried to stop it but kit practically volunteered himself
Marto polo: so now we’re worried, especially sasha. she’s been wanting to break down elias’s door, and tim’s been trying to keep her calm :/
First mate: And you’re making everyone tea.
Marto polo: did you Know that??
First mate: No, I just know you.
First mate: Um. Anyway. Please tell Sasha that Elias is unlikely to harm Kit, as this is a situation which confuses him. He won’t do anything if he is unsure of the consequences that his actions would bring.
Marto polo: ok ill tell her!!
8:41 am
To: [emailprotected]
From: [emailprotected]
Subject: This is Not Funny
Nikola,
While I assume you are aware of the situation at hand, I admit it is possible, if unlikely, that this was the doing of a lone rogue member of the Not-Them, so I will extend to you the benefit of the doubt. In any case, I am frankly astounded that one of your ilk would dare replace my Archivist, into whose development I have put so much time and effort. If he is still alive, you will recover him immediately.
Obligingly yours,
Elias Bouchard
Head of the Magnus Institute
This e-mail may contain confidential or otherwise privileged information. If you are not the intended recipient(s), please delete it and notify the sender of the error.
8:58 am
To: [emailprotected]
From: [emailprotected]
Subject: RE: This is Not Funny
Well Jonah, I beg to differ! This IS funny! I had NO idea that your Archivist had been replaced! But shouldn’t you know that, Beholding’s Own? ;) This was LOVELY to hear, thank you for giving me a laugh!
Are you quite sure it is one of ours? It seems ODD of us to target such an important figure with such important skin!
9:06 am
To: [emailprotected]
From: [emailprotected]
Subject: RE: This is Not Funny
Nikola,
The only logical explanation is that Jonathan has been replaced. His assistants appeared entirely unfazed by his new appearance and mannerisms. I just checked the Institute’s website and Jon’s identifying photo has been changed to that of this new “Jon”.
I interrogated him alone, as well, but he didn’t break. I asked him about certain statements that Jon had recently engaged with, about his position before Head Archivist, even about his knowledge of the incident with Jane Prentiss. I asked him where all his scars had gone, and he insisted he had found a miracle cream of some sort? I told him that was ridiculous, and he said, and I quote, “Nah, what’s ridiculous is how great my skin looks and feels, plus it's super cheap! No cap, my guy, no cap. Can you believe it? Science is wild. ” Then he rambled about the healing nutrients of volcanic springs until I demanded that he stop.
This is not my Archivist, Nikola. He even admitted to it, somewhat! I told him I knew he served the Stranger, and at first he reacted with subdued discomfort, as though caught off guard. Almost immediately, however, he nodded with enthusiasm and said, and I quote, “Yeah, the Stranger, love those guys. How’d you know?” I asked him if he took me for a fool? It was obvious. He glanced down at himself, as if it were his clothing which had given away his position––which is not entirely untrue, as he wore apparel distinctly different from what Jon wears, notably a pink button-down with a strawberry pattern, cuffed acid-washed jeans, and socks which said something about eating the rich. Absolutely dreadful.
He is currently in the archives, performing the Archivist’s job. This is how I shall keep him occupied until you straighten out this mess. I expect Jon to be returned as soon as possible. If you desire some sort of payment, we can perhaps come to an arrangement.
Elias Bouchard
Head of the Magnus Institute
This e-mail may contain confidential or otherwise privileged information. If you are not the intended recipient(s), please delete it and notify the sender of the error.
9:10 am
To: [emailprotected]
From: [emailprotected]
Subject: RE: This is Not Funny
Oh, PLEASE ask him what moisturizer he’s using, I would LOVE to try it. Volcanic nutrients are SO good for the skin!
That does sound like Not-Jon! Also, his fashion sounds impressive! If I were you I’d PREFER him to the original, he seems MUCH more fun! I still don’t know anything about this situation though! And I don’t control the Not-Them!
Unfortunately, if your Archivist has truly been replaced, he is never coming back!
Better luck next time!
8:35 am
“we protecc”
Marto polo: Kit’s back from the office! he seems fine :)
First mate: Oh, good. Sasha must be relieved. What did Elias talk to him about?
Marto polo: it was mostly what we expected, elias asked him about statements, and stuff about your job and whatnot. also about working with a stranger? i guess he meant the not-them? even though we didn’t say much about that whole thing, kit managed to get through it! elias also asked about your scars from the Worm Incident, and if kit was the real jon where were his scars? apparently kit tried to convince elias he just used a really good moisturizer lolol
Marto polo: i saved the best, most genius bit for last. after elias dismissed him, kit told us how he started to leave, then looked up at elias’s precious portrait of jonah magnus, scrunched his eyebrows together, and said, “I think you should get a new janitor, they missed the bin on that one.”
First mate: Christ. That is beautiful.
First mate: Please tell Kit that he has my undying gratitude for his work today.
Marto polo: i will! and who knows what else will happen?? we’ve still got a few hours left before the switcheroo ;)
First mate: Ah, the possibilities. I am anxious to hear more, but admittedly it is not quite as entertaining without being able to witness Elias’s distress first-hand. So I am very much looking forward to seeing his expression when I come in this afternoon.
Marto polo: trust me, we all are!!
9:49 am
To: [emailprotected]
From: [emailprotected]
Subject: A Catastrophe
Peter,
I believe that my Archivist has been replaced by a minion of the Stranger. I am extremely distressed by this news. As you know, I have dedicated vast amounts of time and resources toward readying this one, and now he is dead, presumably. I say presumably because I find it difficult to concentrate on the Truth; there has been a sudden increase in replicas of my eyes, and for the life of me I cannot figure out where they are. When I try to Look, all I See is darkness. There is meagar light coming from somewhere, but all that this tells me is the nature of the replicas: photos, printed on plain paper. Or rather, copies of the same photo. It is the regrettable one you took of me when we were off sailing during our 2006 honeymoon and I had just finished off my fifth tequila sunrise.
I know we are in the middle of a divorce. I simply desire...reassurance, perhaps. You are the only person I can talk to about this.
Frequently yours,
Elias Bouchard
Head of the Magnus Institute
This e-mail may contain confidential or otherwise privileged information. If you are not the intended recipient(s), please delete it and notify the sender of the error.
10:42 am
To: [emailprotected]
From: [emailprotected]
Subject: RE: A Catastrophe
Dearest Eli,
That seems pretty unfortunate. Too bad you didn’t have a backup Archivist! Or maybe you do? You’re a capable man, I wouldn’t put it past you. But by the tone of your email...I guess not. I’m surprised you let Jon get snatched up like that. And now, despite your position and power, and despite your connections, you suddenly find yourself...so very lonely.
This might be good for you, starfish. A little social disconnection is the best remedy for most disappointments; it helps you come to terms with the fact that things can always get worse! It also helps you realize that you did this to yourself. That no one wants to hear about your problems. That isolating yourself is truly the best thing you can do.
I hope this helps.
Peter
10:44 am
To: [emailprotected]
From: [emailprotected]
Subject: RE: A Catastrophe
Peter,
You know how I feel about you speaking to me that way. You know what it does to me.
Elias Bouchard
Head of the Magnus Institute
This e-mail may contain confidential or otherwise privileged information. If you are not the intended recipient(s), please delete it and notify the sender of the error.
10:45 am
To: [emailprotected]
From: [emailprotected]
Subject: RE: A Catastrophe
I know, starfish. That’s why I did it.
Drinks later?
10:46 am
To: [emailprotected]
From: [emailprotected]
Subject: RE: A Catastrophe
Fine.
Elias Bouchard
Head of the Magnus Institute
This e-mail may contain confidential or otherwise privileged information. If you are not the intended recipient(s), please delete it and notify the sender of the error.
12:03 pm
“we protecc”
Daddy time: marto’s talking to kit so im here with updates
Daddy time: not a ton happened, which we’ve figured is because elias seems to literally be in shock
Daddy time: martin has gone past his office several times and each time he’s been at a different level of sulking
Daddy time: he has come by twice with some bs excuse, but we all know he just wanted to make sure that yes, “jon” is still there and no, nobody else has noticed the change. each time, he gave kit this super intense look and i stg, kit is a superhuman or sth because both times he gave some ridiculous response, like “my eyes are up here, buddy” when elias was already making direct eye contact with him. what?? sasha’s cousin has way too much power and i have never been so attracted to someone who intimidates me so much, fucK
Daddy time: shit this is the gc
Daddy time: sasha dont read that last bit thx in advance
Sasha pyjams: The last bit was the first thing I read and I immediately regretted it .
Daddy time: ok uhhh this is why i said NOT to read it
Sasha pyjams: It sounded suspicious, I wasn’t just going to ignore that . I definitely should have, though . Yikes .
Sasha pyjams: Anyway, Jon we’re heading to lunch now if you want to meet us ? It’ll be easier if we all come back to the Institute together after Kit leaves .
First mate: Yes, I suppose you’re right. I’ll be there shortly. This is the place Martin likes?
Daddy time: yeah, the diner-style one where the staff is apparently super friendly and calls you things like “luv” and “sweets”
First mate: Hm. Sounds terrible.
Sasha pyjams: Aw, you’ll enjoy it .
First mate: That is. Not even a possibility, no.
Daddy time: we’ll see ;)
11:53 am
To: [emailprotected]
From: [emailprotected]
Subject: Jonathan Sims
Oliver,
I would not reach out to you unless it were of the utmost importance. I need to know whether or not the Archivist Jonathan Sims is still alive. Please do not question why I do not Know this, as it is a temporary personal matter. If you happen to hold this information, I require it, immediately.
With moderate respect,
Elias Bouchard
Head of the Magnus Institute
This e-mail may contain confidential or otherwise privileged information. If you are not the intended recipient(s), please delete it and notify the sender of the error.
11:59 am
To: [emailprotected]
From: [emailprotected]
Subject: RE: Jonathan Sims
Elias -
Why the hell would I tell you?
Piss off.
Oliver
12:38 pm
Tim to Sasha
Tim: well that was a Lot
Tim: who knew lunch could contain so many emotions
Tim: on one hand, im low-key high-key disappointed your cousin is taken. but relieved this information came up before i started relentlessly flirting with him
Sasha: Yes, that was an intentional tactical decision .
Tim: appreciate it
Tim: now that we’re on the tube, i just want to say, idk how you so effortlessly corralled martin and jon (who were NOT standing close to one other in the first place) into sitting practically in each other’s laps in that teeny tiny booth, but it was bloody brilliant
Sasha: Thank you, but it was nothing in comparison to your stroke of genius . I mean, when you said you were getting up to ask the waitress something, I assumed you were either about to hit on her or you were going to do some other Tim-esque nonsense that I couldn’t hope to guess at . Then she came back with this evil little smirk, and you glanced at me with that same look, and I just. I KNEW you had involved her in some scheme . And it took me a bit to figure it out . But, god, it went so well .
Tim: kady was completely down for it too. and her performance was *chef’s kiss* perfection. subtle at first, then building up and up and up…
Sasha: Exactly . At first I thought I was imagining things, it was so subtle. The way she referred to the group as individuals, then to Jon and Martin as “you two” . And some of her little quips about loving to see “friends and more-than-friends” .
Sasha: Then it got just the littlest bit more obvious, like when Martin was asking about one of the dishes, and Kady casually pointed out that he could get it in a larger portion for two to share. And she winked ?? At the time, Jon was looking down at the menu, not paying attention, and I honestly think that was the only reason Martin survived the encounter .
Tim: i have no clue how no one, you especially, noticed me quietly losing my shit every time she said something. although i hid it pretty well, i think
Tim: at least until she did THAT
Sasha: t h a t
Tim: i endlessly admire her decision to hold off until we were about to leave. it’s like,,,i was wondering where the leadup was heading, because it was so obviously leading to something, and then she comes up to us with a nikon camera in her hand and asks jon and martin if she’d mind taking their photo for The Wall and was fuckin,,, oh my godd
Sasha: Jon: The wall…?
Kady: Yep, we have a wall where we keep pictures of the absolute cutest couples that come in here, and you two are practically the definition of a-do-ra-ble!
Martin: Oh! Um, no. What?
Kady: Have you been together long? Aw, look at you, I bet the relationship is new, you’ve got that “sweethearts” glow.
Tim: she wasn’t wrong, they were blushing harder than i have EVER seen anyone blush and i almost had a heart attack i was trying so hard not to laugh
Sasha: I’m looking over at Martin and he is still a bit pink in the face .
Sasha: Ok so our stop is next but we can talk more about this later . For now, let’s focus on the Encounter we’re about to have with Elias .
Tim: i want to cry, this day just keeps on getting better
12:57 pm
“walk walk fashion baybee”
Elias’s Days Are Numbered: did anyone get footage of what just happened because if so i need it for scientific reasons!!
Tim: i did not but it’s playing on repeat on my brain, i can transcribe it real quick
Proactive Facial Wash: Yes Tim, apply your career skills to real life !
Tim: i. hate that you described it like that thanks
Proactive Facial Wash: yw <3
Tim: Right so all four of us are j strolling down the hall, as you do, Jon’s making a big show of saying how he needs to get back to work, so that elias hears his voice yk, and we’re all staring at Elias’s office. It takes approx five seconds for the big boss himself to throw open the door. The literal moment he sees Jon, he goes pale af, then marches the hell up to him. Is he angry? Relieved? Lil bit crazed? Yes, to all of the above.
Elias: Jonathan. You’re alive.
Jon: ...Yes?
Elias: You’re––But then––The other man, where is he?
Jon: What?
Elias: The other––He was pretending to be you. It’s no matter. Where have you been? Where were they keeping you?
Jon: I wasn’t being kept anywhere.
Elias: This morning, where were you this morning?
Jon: I was here. Working.
Elias: No. No, no you weren’t, I know you weren’t. Don’t lie.
Jon: I’m not lying, I was here. I remember because you called me into your office to ask me ridiculous questions about my job, as well as about my previous position at the Institute, all of which was entirely unnecessary. So if you’ll please allow me to get back to work, perhaps I can make up for the time you had me waste, yes?
Tim: to summarize: jon dropped the mic, elias got Obliterated
Tim: idk how much of what i wrote out was word for word, but im confident that jon’s final blow against elias is dead on, exactly what he said
Elias’s Days Are Numbered: im screenshotting this so that i can relive the hilarity of jon straight up murdering elias !!
Proactive Facial Wash: Martin, in a way, you finally got the assassination you were fantasizing about . And the assassin was Jon, of all people ! How do you feel about that?
Elias’s Days Are Numbered: >:))))
Chapter End Notes
Elias: I dedicate my life to our lord and savior Ceaseless Watcher and THIS is the thanks I get?
Heads-up that this will be the only update for this week because a) this chapter took 50 years to write and b) school is starting soon so I uhhh need a buffer, for stress :))
I hope you enjoyed reading about Annoy Elias Day as much as I enjoyed writing it!
Kudos are always cherished, and comments are always read, responded to, and adopted into my immediate family.
bonfire
Chapter Summary
Martin and Jon go on a stroll; Tim makes use of a new artefact.
Chapter Notes
Ok you guys in the comments last chapter??? Holy hell the response was INSANE, I was grinning so hard my face hurt, I am SO happy you enjoyed Annoy Elias Day so much!!
Heads up that with school starting, I will be posting about once a week (or twice a week, if I think I can get away with it).
Also, my dear friend @spaghetti-plays-guitar on insta made lovely, lovely art of Jon being Drunk and Worried About Martin in chapter 4 - see it here!: https://www.instagram.com/p/CEejzqjJqY0/
See the end of the chapter for more notes
Tuesday, 7:56 am
“we protecc”
Sasha pyjams: I think I may be a few minutes late, I’m so sorry about that .
Daddy time: g a s p
Sasha pyjams: Tim, I’ll kill u.
First mate: I appreciate you letting us know, Sasha. Even if you are cutting it a bit close already.
Daddy time: hey jon um,,, RUDE
Daddy time: ok but sash, the tea? why u late tho
Marto polo: did something happen? :0 are you okay?
Sasha pyjams: Honestly I don’t know what I did but as soon as I woke up and my leg started cramping up . It got better when I walked around on it but it has since taken a turn for the worse …
Sasha pyjams: I’m basically hobbling toward the Institute right now .
Daddy time: are you in sight of the building
Sasha pyjams: Yes ?
Daddy time: hang tight ;)
Sasha pyjams: Oh no what are you doing .
Marto polo: he just. ran out of the room?
Sasha pyjams: I don’t trust this .
Sasha pyjams: I feel like I should be getting the “enemies are nearby” notif .
Sasha pyjams: Okay I see him coming . He’s jogging over . Whatever is about to happen, I have accepted my fate . Tell my family I love them . Martin, pour tea on my grave, I want to experience your famous cuppa one last time .
Marto polo: im almost afraid to ask but what is he doing now
Sasha pyjams: He just squatted down and went “hop on” .
Sasha pyjams: Basically I’m getting a piggyback ride to the breakroom .
Sasha pyjams: Rosie didn’t even bat an eye when we came in .
Marto polo: tim omg :))
Marto polo: the absolute madlad
Sasha pyjams: It feels vaguely like when i was ten and i rode a horse down a nature trail, except this time the trail is a stuffy dim hallway in the basement of a creepy building and the horse is an idiot .
First mate: I just saw you both pass by in the hallway. I’m pleased to say you’re right on time.
Marto polo: jon that’s the least interesting part of this situation!!
First mate: Well, it’s. Still a part of the situation. So.
Sasha pyjams: I think this is the first time Tim’s antics have actually positively impacted my job .
Daddy time: ahh noted, i’ll make sure to never do that again lmao
9:12 am
“walk walk fashion baybee”
Elias’s Days Are Numbered: just spoke with mx. jo eberson (the person i talked to before?) about coming to the water park this weekend and! u guys are not going to believe what they said!!
Proactive Facial Wash: The waterpark is a government coverup ?
Tim: we dont have to pay for anything!
Proactive Facial Wash: I think mine is more likely honestly .
Tim: sad but true
Elias’s Days Are Numbered: um :3
Tim: ????
Tim: marto [B]lease tell me you’re serious
Tim: i cant afford to skim from my self-care budget, how else am i supposed maintain this Look,,,I need to woo info out of police officers, i
Elias’s Days Are Numbered: well i told mx eberson about how i was bringing three of my friends and coworkers, and they went “oh, do you all work at the same place?” and i said yeah, the magnus institute, and then they asked if i knew elias? and i said...yep, he’s our boss (unfortunately) and they must have heard the Ugh in my voice because they chuckled and said “I feel that, I’ve met him, he’s a bastard. Bet you all need a break from his bullshit, yeah?”
Elias’s Days Are Numbered: and then they said!! our rooms would be fully paid for as well!!
Tim: marto wtf?? how did you manage to one-up yourself
Proactive Facial Wash: I said it before and I’ll say it again, Martin’s a charmer <3
Elias’s Days Are Numbered: aww sasha :’)
Tim: this also means we have a bigger budget for whatever else is in the hotel. sometimes bougie places like that have like,,,arcades and glow in the dark minigolf and stuff
Proactive Facial Wash: They also have restaurants (and room service) so yes, we will very much be taking advantage of that .
Tim: do you think they leave mints or, or chocolates on your pillow?? ive seen that in movies idk
Elias’s Days Are Numbered: i guess we’ll find out! :D
Tim: even if that happens im just expecting jon to say some shit like “i dislike chocolate” tf
Elias’s Days Are Numbered: tim dont even joke about that!!
Tim: ok ill compromise, i feel like jon would like chocolate but only a cursed kind of chocolate. like, only white chocolate.
Elias’s Days Are Numbered: white chocolate isn’t that bad!
Tim: i beg to differ, but the point is that it’s not liking white chocolate that’s sinful, it’s ONLY liking white chocolate, disregarding all other chocolates
Elias’s Days Are Numbered: ……
Tim: got im
Proactive Facial Wash: Wait speaking of jon, @tim how did the first anti-elias protection shift go ?
Tim: tbh it wasn’t bad, jon only stayed an extra hour, which was about five hours less than i was expecting
Tim: i did have to run some interference tho. elias came over pretty soon after you two left so i strolled into the archives and started loudly moving files around. ofc elias was all “Tim if you’d be so kind, this is a private meeting” and jON
Tim: im still laughing about this
Tim: jon went “Don’t worry about him, he’s not listening to us”
Tim: as iF
Proactive Facial Wash: “Who, Tim ? No, he doesn’t eavesdrop, ever . He’s a stickler for the rules, that Tim .”
Tim: so obviously everyone knew it was a lie, jon included, and elias bitched for another minute before giving up and leaving
Elias’s Days Are Numbered: tim the insistent eavesdropper, the hero we all secretly needed. say goodbye to your privacy! say hello to tim.
Elias’s Days Are Numbered: is it a bird? a plane?? no, it’s tim, the fly on the wall!
Proactive Facial Wash changed Tim ’s name to Flyguy - Resident Hero
Flyguy - Resident Hero: i do everything in my power to help the citizens of this shitty archive
Flyguy - Resident Hero: along with my two sidekicks
Flyguy - Resident Hero changed Proactive Facial Wash ’s name to Hackergirl
Flyguy - Resident Hero changed Elias’s Days Are Numbered ’s name to Teaboy
Hackergirl: “Elias” already sounds like a supervillain name .
Teaboy: i think jon is the damsel in distress in this situation?? o.o
Hackergirl: Ironic since he’s the one who actually has supernatural abilities .
Flyguy - Resident Hero: tru. also not to worry marto, we’re deviating from the script on this one, bc there is no fucking way im getting together with jon
Teaboy: oh that wasn’t um. what i meant to ask!! but.. ok
Hackergirl: (((It was, but it’s ok, we won’t acknowledge it .))))
Flyguy - Resident Hero: ((((((yeah and we wont even think about how marto was picturing jon as a damsel in distress)))))))
Hackergirl: (((((Do you think he can read this even with all the parentheses))))
Flyguy - Resident Hero: (((((no this is telepathic texting, our convo is completely invisible rn))))))
Teaboy: ((((you guys are the worst :( ))))
Flyguy - Resident Hero: (((shit we’ve been infiltrated))))
Hackergirl: (((We love you Martin ! So much <3)))
Teaboy: ((....)))
Teaboy: ((.....<3))
10:12 am
Jon to Martin
Jon: I realize neither of us were exactly sober when we discussed this, but
Jon: would you still want to go on walks?
Jon: Or a single walk, I mean. If you just want to go once.
Martin: oh, yeah um, that’d be really nice!! :) (and walks plural is good with me!)
Martin: it’s supposed to be beautiful out today, would you want to go during lunch break?
Jon: Yes, that’s actually what I was about to suggest.
Martin: ok great :)) it’ll be good to get some fresh air!
Jon: Agreed. The archives do not exactly have the most refreshing atmosphere.
Martin: mmmm smell that dust!
Sasha to Tim
Sasha: Did I just hear Jon laugh ?
Jon to Martin
Jon: Perhaps the Institute should invest in some air fresheners. Not that I want the archives to smell like “cinnamon winter” or whatever odors they’re concocting these days.
Martin: if you actually do want to use a freshener, both warm vanilla and fresh cotton are nice
Jon: Perhaps I’ll look into it. Thank you for the recommendations, Martin.
Martin: it’s no problem!! :)
10:21 am
Jon: Is there a particular reason Tim is pushing Sasha in a rolling chair?
Martin: yeah sasha’s leg has been hurting :/
Martin: did they go into the archives??
Jon: Yes. Tim nodded cordially at me as they went past, Sasha tried not to look at me. She was trying and failing to maintain a neutral expression, which I found highly suspicious. Still I decided it best not to say anything, which I believe I may regret, as Tim immediately sped up, audibly, when they were out of my line of sight. I haven’t heard a crash yet, but...I am not optimistic.
Martin: oh no
Martin: ….yeah neither am i
10:33 am
“we protecc”
Daddy time: elias has been cockblocked once again
Sasha pyjams: Why must you phrase things the way that you do ?
Daddy time: i took an oath
Marto polo: wait what happened? :0
Sasha pyjams: Elias came in to talk to Jon but we made sure our presence was known .
Sasha pyjams: I almost fell off the chair so many times from the sheer velocity .
Daddy time: but ya didnT
Marto polo: wait, wouldnt elias just ask to see jon in his office if you guys were being distracting?
First mate: He did, but I insisted I was very busy and couldn’t be bothered. Also I needed to supervise my assistants, lest they do any damage to the archives, or to themselves, while pursuing a followup on certain cases.
First mate: He was not pleased, but he seemed to agree with the second excuse. You two were making quite the racket.
Daddy time: making a racket?? mission accomplished ;)
Sasha pyjams: I really wish you wouldn’t put a winky face there .
Sasha pyjams: It Changed The Meaning, Did You Intend This
Daddy time: sigh
Daddy time: winky face retracted
Sasha pyjams: Thank you .
First mate: There was also the matter of Elias’s state of being - despite the fact that we have not destroyed those photos of him, his focus seems to be improving. I think his migraine has worn off, as well. This leads me to believe that he is growing accustomed to our interference, which is unfortunate, because if we choose to employ the same tactic in the future, printing the same amount of photos may prove less effective.
Marto polo: um yikes, we should destroy them soon then!!
Daddy time: gotta be honest i completely forgot about the photos lmao
Sasha pyjams: Bonfire on the roof tonight ?
Marto polo: yes!!
Daddy time: marto immediately perked up when you suggested that, his whole posture changed
Sasha pyjams: He’s getting his fire fix, what do you expect ?
Marto polo: im not um, addicted to lighting things on fire, that’s crazy ahaha
First mate: ...Should I be concerned?
Marto polo: no!
Sasha pyjams: …..No .
Daddy time: ……………...nope
First mate: You are all very convincing. I am convinced, thoroughly.
Daddy time: ((((haha he bought it, great job guys))))
12:48 pm
Sasha to Tim
Sasha: Would you help me over to artefact storage ? You don’t have to carry me, my leg is actually feeling much better, I just need to use you as a crutch in case it gives out or something .
1:01 pm
Tim: oof sorry i was taking some guy’s statement
Tim: im obv going to carry you dont even think you’re getting out of that
Tim: give me a minute to finish up the forms
Sasha: Oh did Jon ask you to take a statement ?
Tim: nah he’s literally just not here rn. idk where he went, but someone had to take the person’s statement and Here I Am
Sasha: Huh . Do you think he’s out for lunch or ?
Tim: who jon? doubt it
Tim: in fact i saw him eating in his office earlier so that’s a definite no
Sasha: Hang on .
Sasha: Martin was taking his lunch earlier than usual, too .
Sasha: Do you think …
Tim: where IS marto, i havent seen him since uhh
Tim: wait
Tim: since….the exact same time as jon lefT
Sasha: Did they …
Sasha: go on a d a t e
Tim: im grilling marto when he gets back holy fulc
Tim: also not that i dont want to theorize about whatever they’re doing rn but. i need to tell you about how the statement giver has given us a Gift
Tim: he was going on and on about how his ex gave him a haunted guitar. he says that after they broke up, he started learning to play it, and ever since then he’s had all this “bad luck”
Tim: all this stuff suddenly caught up to him, like how he DMs random women telling them how hot they are, and when they reject him he “realizes” that they’re not worth his time and he tells them so in ways that i am not going to repeat
Tim: obviously all the screenshots got out, so almost everyone hates him now, plus he got fired from his job. and he thinks it’s because of the spooky guitar, which he was VERY insistent on getting rid of
Tim: so now we have a guitar
Tim: which means jon is legally obliged to give us a one-man mechs concert on the roof tonight
Sasha: Oh my god .
Sasha: Does Jon even play the guitar
Tim: idk but i do
Tim: so there are no excuses, he even has accompaniment
Sasha: I am so excited !
Sasha: You really are going to be gunpowder tim .
Tim: it’s my destiny
1:33 pm
“walk walk fashion baybee”
Teaboy: where are you guys??
Hackergirl: In artefact storage . Where were /you/ ?
Teaboy: oh, you know. out
Flyguy - Resident Hero: ok if you’re not going to tell us you have to suffer through the nineteen most likely possibilities that sasha and i came up with
Teaboy: nineteen *most likely*? so there’s more?? and they’re just. less likely???
Flyguy - Resident Hero: 1 - you and jon were making out in a nearby alley, for a full hour
Flyguy - Resident Hero: 2 - you went to a museum or sth and you just held hands...for a while, at least ;)
Hackergirl: I can feel the frantic energy of Martin’s typing .
Flyguy - Resident Hero: 3 - you went to an italian joint where you shared a plate of spaghetti. you both scooped up opposite ends of the same noodle so you ended up kissing, lady and the tramp style
Flyguy - Resident Hero: ik you both already had lunch but i like that one
Teaboy: no!!! we just! went for a walk! that is all we did!! we did nothing else! no holding hands! no kissing! nothing else! and yes it was fun but! in a platonic way!! because we are sort of friends now! which is great!! but that doesn't mean we’re dating!!
Flyguy - Resident Hero: so did you hold hands….platonically, or..?
Teaboy: no we didnt hold hands at all :(
Teaboy: that wasnt a frowny face of disappointment, that was a frowny face of disapproval @tim
Hackergirl: Are you sure it’s not both ?
Teaboy: um. i am not.
Hackergirl: But you had fun at least ?
Teaboy: oh yes! the sun was out but there was this lovely breeze, and we just strolled and talked for a while, and we popped into a few nearby shops and browsed things like air fresheners and candles. i think his favorite was one called autumn air because he kept sneaking back to smell it. and it was just so..normal, for once, and casual. and i think we’re going to walk together more often because he said he also had a really good time! :))
Flyguy - Resident Hero: im fucking tearing up this is so domestic
Hackergirl: He actually is wtf
Flyguy - Resident Hero: ok marto im about to carry sasha back to the breakroom so ill see you there
Flyguy - Resident Hero: but plz tell jon to get his voice warmed up or whatever singers do idk
Teaboy: wait why?
Teaboy: tim??
5:02 pm
“we protecc”
Daddy time: we have a conundrum
Daddy time: i know we have a lot photos to burn but if we’re going to do a proper bonfire this time, we’re going to need firewood
Sasha pyjams: Oh ... you’re right .
First mate: I propose we purchase some wood on the Institute’s card. It is for Elias’s benefit, after all.
Daddy time: counterproposal - we do that, AND we order pizza, and meet up on the roof in an hour
Sasha pyjams: How are you going to justify buying pizza ?
Daddy time: by burning the photos, we are doing Labor, and pizza Fuels us so that we may do that Labor
First mate: Good enough.
Daddy time: see, it’s boss approved
Marto polo: is 6:30 okay? i actually have a few more things to do so the extra time works out well for me
Sasha pyjams: Sounds like a plan !
Daddy time: ^
First Mate: That’s fine.
Marto polo: great :))
7:27 pm
Sasha pyjams: Martin where did you disappear to ?
Marto polo: oh i just went down to get blankets from the breakroom, it’s getting a bit chilly up here, even with the fire
Marto polo: actually do you know where they are? i thought they were by the beanbag chairs but maybe not
Daddy time: there’s one in the back of the storage closet, but im p sure that’s the only one we have. the other one went missing
Sasha pyjams: Spooky .
Marto polo: found it!
Daddy time: hell yea
Sasha pyjams: Oh hey before I forget (since im the only one who takes pictures anymore apparently) :
Sasha pyjams: [sent a photo: On the roof, Tim triumphantly holds up the trash bag full of cursed photographs as though hoisting a large fish by its tail. Behind him, Jon and Martin set up the wood for the fire.]
Sasha pyjams: [sent a photo: Martin grins mischievously, cupping in his two hands an origami donkey made from of one of the photos. Over his shoulder, Tim’s hand is visible, waving his origami attempt, which looks vaguely like a broken stick.]
Sasha pyjams: [sent a photo: Martin, Tim, and Jon all sit near the fire, eating pizza. The sky is still bright, but visibly darker. Tim is in the middle of saying something to Jon while Martin slowly feeds a photo to the fire, entranced by the flame.]
Sasha pyjams: [sent a video: With Tim strumming on the “haunted” guitar, Jon and Tim enthusiastically duet “Favoured Son” while Martin and Sasha, out of frame, cheer them on and clap to the beat.]
Daddy time: god we’re so iconic
Sasha pyjams: Martin really went and made elias into a donkey, a literal ass .
First mate: Trust me, Elias did that himself.
Daddy time: OOP
Marto polo: ok but i still cant believe we got a concert :)
Daddy time: also got to be PART of the concert, sick
First Mate: Well, you are all perfectly decent singers/performers, which was a nice surprise.
Daddy time: i’ll translate, “decent” in jonspeak = “amazing” in english
First Mate: ....I won’t refute it.
Marto polo: aww! :)
Marto polo: ok im coming back up, see you in a mo
Sasha pyjams: Thank goodness, I can barely remember what you look like !
Daddy time: when will my husband return from the war??
Marto polo: in about sixty seconds!
8:01 pm
Tim to Sasha
Tim: u done being edgy or
Sasha: I’m not being edgy, I’m just admiring the view. The sun’s going down .
Tim: you’re sitting waY too close to the edge of the roof, miss james
Tim: hence, edgy
Sasha: Ha
Sasha: Ok I’m moving back, happy now?
Tim: move back more, by about fifteen meters
Sasha: What, back to what’s left of the fire ?
Tim: yes,,,i miss u
Tim: also how are you not cold wtf
Sasha: Come here dummy .
Sasha: I have a warm cardigan on, Let Me Hug You .
Tim: and what, abandon marto and the boss? leaving them alone, with only each other, only one blanket, in the romantic light of the setting sun?
Tim: damn,,,if you insist
8:33 pm
Tim: for future in-depth analysis
Tim: [sent a photo: The quality is grainy, both from the darkness and the fact that it is zoomed in from a slight distance. Sitting near the dying fire, Martin and Jon share the beige cotton blanket. Jon has dozed off on Martin’s shoulder. Martin clearly does not know what to do about this aside from remaining completely, utterly still.]
9:51 pm
Sasha: Is this what the success of our matchmaking schemes looks like ?
Tim: yes, or at least mostly. they haven’t admitted anything to each other yet
Tim: but still
Sasha: Still .
Sasha: We’ve done so well .
Tim: yes we have
Sasha: ...I’m making this picture my lock screen .
Tim: ……....beat you to it
Chapter End Notes
Jon: One must be sober to discuss serious things such as Casual Walks.
Martin:....You are so pretty, yet so, so dumb.
Hi I'm still riding the high of last chapter's comments and wanted to say thank you again because they were incredibly funny and sweet and genuine.
That said, kudos are always appreciated and comments are always read, responded to, and directly alchemized into the serotonin that drives my daily existence.
You can chat with me @starryknightart on instagram :)
good hair day
Chapter Summary
Sasha gets a haircut; Tim gets inspired.
Chapter Notes
Hiatus is over! And as a bonus, ep 177 did not scar me for life. So that's nice.
The waterpark is happening very, very soon :))) it's a really special chapter, in several ways.....
See the end of the chapter for more notes
Thursday, 8:10 am
“walk walk fashion baybee”
Teaboy: sasha!! your hair!!
Flyguy - Resident Hero: wait what about her hair
Hackergirl: You’d know if you were here on time . ;)
Flyguy - Resident Hero: uh rude im walking down the hall as we speak
Teaboy: she cut it to just above her shoulders!! it looks really nice :))
Hackergirl: Thanks Martin ! That’s not all I did though…
Hackergirl: [sent a photo: A selfie - Sasha, smiling broadly, has gathered up her hair behind her head to expose a sharp undercut.]
Teaboy: whoaa :0
Flyguy - Resident Hero: i
Flyguy - Resident Hero: ok first of all, that looks TOP
Flyguy - Resident Hero: second of all i am extremely inspired
Flyguy - Resident Hero: i just want to be as cool as sasha james
Flyguy - Resident Hero: unrelated, does anyone know where the scissors are
Teaboy: i do
Flyguy - Resident Hero: are you going to share that information with me
Teaboy: unsure
Flyguy - Resident Hero: ill give you a free haircut
Flyguy - Resident Hero: marto im probably really good at it, ive never ever done it but. trust me
Flyguy - Resident Hero: wait can i koolaid-dye your hair
Flyguy - Resident Hero: do we have koolaid
Hackergirl: Tim ... slow it down, be calm .
Flyguy - Resident Hero: im very calm
Flyguy - Resident Hero: wheres the bleach
Hackergirl: Jfc .
11:01 am
“we protecc”
First mate: Elias will be attempting to have a private meeting with me sometime within the next hour. So please be on your guard.
Sasha pyjams: Did he...tell you this ?
First mate: No. I um. I Knew it, actually. Just now.
Daddy time: spooOOoooky
Marto polo: wait can you predict the future too??
First mate: No, I assure you that this is a very clear intention of Elias’s, not a premonition of mine. I Knew that he wrote down on his schedule, somewhere between now and noon, “Meet with the Archivist”.
First mate: If I could predict the future, I would feel much less anxious; I might have some idea as to what I am dealing with––what all of us are dealing with, in fact. I would always be able to avoid Elias, as well, which is a very good position to be in.
Sasha pyjams: Jon, come work in the breakroom with us . Just for an hour or so . We can keep a better eye on you there, which feels necessary since elias has been getting more insistent on talking to you one-on-one .
Marto polo: yeah..and the fact that he physically wrote it down in his schedule today? doesn’t seem great. like maybe he wont take no for an answer?
Daddy time: so sasha’s haircut got me thinking
Marto polo: i just got conversation whiplash 0.0
Sasha pyjams: t i m
Daddy time: noo this is relevant i swear
Daddy time: i’ll admit my first inspired idea was to give marto a new ‘do
First mate: Tim. Please do not cut Martin’s hair.
Daddy time: i wont that’s what im saying, i have discovered a new and better idea
Daddy time: jon when you get set up in here we should do like,,,one of those human centipedes of hair braiding, do you know what i mean
Sasha pyjams: I do know what you mean but I absolutely loathe the way you described it .
Daddy time: ill be at the back, and it’ll go like: i work on martin’s hair, martin does sasha’s hair, sasha braids jon’s hair, everyone walks away looking fabulous, myself included, because i already look fabulous .
Daddy time: jon is at the front so that he can do work
First mate: How thoughtful.
Marto polo: i dont think my hair is long enough to braid?
Daddy time: not to worry marto, we shall make do
Daddy time: “we” being me and my creative muse
Daddy time: boss i see you typing, dont say no just yet. think about it. let it simmer
Sasha pyjams: I trust Martin to braid my hair, but I wouldn’t trust you to put up a ponytail .
Daddy time: sasha, you wound me
First mate: If one of you could perhaps come help me move some of my documents into the breakroom?
Marto polo: be there in a minute :)
First mate: Thank you, Martin.
First mate: Tim, I do not foresee this happening.
Daddy time: yeah but,,,you just said you cant see the future tho so uhh
First mate: Please get back to work.
Daddy time: :’(
11:17 am
Sasha to Tim
Sasha: If we do the braid train, we should get Martin to work on Jon’s hair .
Tim: oh i know, i just didn’t want to say that outright
Tim: didn’t want to spook em
Tim: but yeah definitely
Sasha: I’m sorry I ever doubted you .
Tim: unbelievable smh
Tim: also do you want to dye my hair later, i want to look slick for the waterpark
Sasha: Tentative yes...What colour are you thinking ?
Tim: uhhh something obnoxious
Sasha: Ah, perfect !
Tim: r u d e
Tim: can i give marto frosted tips
Sasha: Jon would shoot you like a dog .
Sasha: You can decide for yourself if it’s worth it .
Tim: god,,,it honestly might be
Sasha: Sometimes I wonder if the decision-making part of your brain actually works .
Tim: i think we’ve established that it doesn’t ;)
12:31 pm
“we protecc”
Daddy time: i am never going to stop laughing about what just happened
Sasha pyjams: Our timing was impeccable .
Sasha pyjams: Or maybe it was elias’s timing . He’s the one who chose to walk in RIGHT as we were doing the braid train .
Marto polo: i don’t think i’ve ever seen him look so confused!!
Daddy time: he still went for it, tho. gotta give the guy credit
Marto polo: elias, desperately trying to remain professional: “Jon, I need to speak with you immediately, in my office.”
jon, without even glancing away from his work, hair half braided and studded with flower clips: “I’m busy.”
First mate: I do actually enjoy the end result, for the record.
First mate: And it was true. I was busy, I’m always busy. And I hardly could have gotten up and left; Martin would have been forced to start all over.
Marto polo: oh, i wouldn’t have minded really
Marto polo: i mean um
Marto polo: i realize that’s,, besides the point, sort of contrary to the point actually, but. im just saying
Sasha pyjams: It’s good that elias didn’t know that haha
Marto polo: uh yepp!!
Daddy time: ok but what really gets me is that he was so Done with our avoidance bullshit that he literally started to talk to jon about ~private~ spooky shit even though we were right there
Daddy time: he just thought to himself, fuck it, these assistants are never going away, i give up
Sasha pyjams: And STILL we blockaded him .
First mate: That was impressive, admittedly. Albeit ridiculous.
Sasha pyjams: Literally as soon as Elias started talking about Knowing things, tim just goes “Wait elias you’re psychic? Can you read my mind? Can you see my future? Can you tell me the winning lottery numbers? Can you––?”
Sasha pyjams: And then all the rest of us join in, and elias just looks like a sad, broken man .
Daddy time: i love the variance of everyone’s demands, too, like marto was going off about astrology and tea leaves and palm readings, and sasha was just like,,,Do You Know About Runes??
Daddy time: idk about you guys but just in case he wAS reading my mind, I was thinking “elias is a is a little baby bastard man” on repeat
Marto polo: i was doing that too! i was internally reciting the bee movie script
Sasha pyjams: I had “I’m blue, da ba dee da ba die” playing in my brain.
Sasha pyjams: I hope it’s stuck in his head now .
First mate: Damn, I should have thought of something like that. I was keeping my mind as neutral as possible.
Sasha pyjams: There’s always next time !
Sasha pyjams: Also can everyone send pics of your hairdressing work, I require them .
Sasha pyjams: [sent a photo: Martin smiles at the camera, a single blockish braid working its way around the side of his head like half a crown. Several colourful bobby pins hold the braid in place.]
Daddy time: [sent a photo: Two big, fluffy braids cascade down either side of the back of Sasha’s head, tied off in simple pigtails. Thin multicoloured ribbons are threaded through each of them, resembling the streamers wrapped around a maypole.]
Daddy time: big shoutout to youtube beauty gurus, i owe you my life
Marto polo: [sent a photo: several deftly woven braids of different patterns and thicknesses loop around each other across the back of Jon’s head, coalescing into a single short but intricate braid, which is peppered with tiny shining flower pins.]
Daddy time: like,,you could have given a bit of a warning? marto? before you annihilated us?
Sasha pyjams: I already knew it looked amazing but just looking at the picture….Wow . I’m honored to have my flower pins used in such a masterpiece .
Marto polo: aw thank you guys!!
Marto polo: i mean, i did work for a renaissance festival for quite some time so. i have experience :)
Daddy time: i have many, many followup questions but im going to wait until we check into the hotel so that you can’t escape
Marto polo: bold of you to assume i wont find a way to deflect anything you ask.
Daddy time: bold of you to assume i won’t enlist jon’s Spooky Knowing powers to assist in my cause
First mate: Tim, I am not going to Know anything about Martin if he doesn't want me to. At least, insofar as I can control it.
First mate: However, I am interested in hearing about your time at this job, Martin. It seems that the experience of working for a renaissance festival would be unique, to say the least.
Sasha pyjams: We can add that to the weekend check-list, then ! Have Martin tell us renaissance festival stories .
Daddy time: marto we need the tea on the 16th century
Daddy time: also we need 16th century tea
Daddy time: wait when you worked there did you make era-appropriate tea
Marto polo: maybe so
Sasha pyjams: Tim I don’t even know why that question needed to be asked .
Daddy time: i needed to be sure. even though i already knew the truth, in my soul
First mate: I have a question. For all of you.
Daddy time: oh?
Marto polo: :0
Sasha pyjams: I am Nervous Lite ™ .
First mate: Would you please get back to work? Thank you in advance.
Daddy time: aw
Daddy time: its sad boi hours
First mate: Actually, it’s work hours, Tim.
Daddy time: same thing
5:00 pm
Daddy time: just 24 hours until weekend fun
Daddy time: i am so fucking ready lads
Daddy time: i havent used my swim trunks in ages, i feel bad for them
First mate: Ah. That’s what I was forgetting.
Sasha pyjams: Jon have you still not replaced your gross ancient swim trunks ?
First mate: ....It may have slipped my mind. But to be fair, a lot has been going on. New trunks are hardly a priority.
Daddy time: well they are now boss!! you have Limited Time
Daddy time: you should get one of those pairs with iridescent strips so that they’ll flash in the light and blind everyone in the general vicinity. that way we can take advantage of their temporary disorientation to get better spots in line for the popular slides
First mate: No.
First mate: I’ll pick up a pair after I finish a few things. There is a statement I need to record on tape, as well as some filing that I’ve been putting off for far too long.
Marto polo: well, it happens to be my anti-elias shift today! you can take your time, jon, it’s no trouble. and i can do some of the filing, if that would help lighten the load? you’ll need to get to the shops before they close, after all. which means leaving the institute before midnight :)
First mate: Hm. Yes, you have a point. Thank you, Martin.
Marto polo: of course! :))
Daddy time: boss, martin is going to accompany you to pick out trunks so that you don’t get something painfully bad. despite the fact that you’ve been more punk lately, i dont trust your fashion decisions
Marto polo: oh! um, i guess i could? if that’s okay with you, jon?
First mate: I don’t really see why you would want to, but...I suppose I don't have a problem with it.
Marto polo: it could be fun, i think! just like going for another stroll, but further downtown. we could go back to that soap and air fresheners shop if you want :)
First mate: That won’t be necessary, I’ll have kept you out long enough without going on an additional errand to someplace we have already visited. But yes, shopping would perhaps be less dull with company.
Sasha pyjams: You’ll probably have an easier time than some of us, this evening…
Daddy time: um as if?? im the most fun person to be around
Sasha pyjams: Tim, we are about to go pick out hair dye for you . What’s going to happen is this: you’re going to see all the different colours and you’ll make a really quick decision--like you always do--but THEN you’ll change your mind a hundred times in the span of ten minutes and each time you’re going to insist you’ve finally found the one .
Daddy time: ok that’s fair
Daddy time: you know me so well <3
Sasha pyjams Tim I love you but you are a bloody handful sometimes . Let’s go so we can actually get to the dyeing part ?
Daddy time: hell yeah
Sasha pyjams Great . See the rest of you tomorrow !
First mate: See you then.
Marto polo: good luck to you both!! cant wait to see what colour tim decides on :0
Sasha pyjams Trust me, neither can I .
Chapter End Notes
Ok so art has officially been made of cursed elias (!!) and I will share it with you soon, I swear! I think what I'll do is make a "chapter" just for art so that I can showcase everything made for this fic, like a gallery of chaos that I can update at will. So stay tuned for that :)
Kudos are always valued, and comments are always read, responded to, and photosynthesized into writing motivation.
You can chat with me @starryknightart on insta (where I do, in fact, make TMA art!)
the library of cursed elias
Chapter Summary
A very special art gallery.
Chapter Notes
IMPORTANT: do not browse the Fic Art Gallery (shown after the Elias gallery) if you are not caught up! There are SPOILERS.
See the end of the chapter for more notes
Cursed Elias Gallery
By SeddonEJ and OurHappyPlace123 (ao3)
The artists' interpretation of the photo was that CCTV footage just happened to catch Elias looking Like That, which is SO funny and valid.
By starryknightart (instagram) (Yours truly!)
I really tried to capture the overexposed early-2000s aesthetic here.
By Starhilm (ao3)
The artist may not think this piece looks sufficiently cursed, but I beg to differ! P sure Elias's expression going to haunt me.
By hail-briar (tumblr)
If any iteration of Cursed Elias could be considered cute, I think it would be this one.
By mitchievousness (tumblr)
This is just straight-up legendary.
By mus3art (twitter) or muse_apollo (TikTok)
The context of this, as described by the artist, is that Elias invites Peter over, gets wine tipsy, and decides to put on one of Peter's shirts while he's waiting "because he's the Worst." Truly cursed.
Muse also did this TERRIFYING photo^. And as of 4/23/22 there is more! ......see below:
Aaaaaand (bless/curse your soul @calliopestew [TikTok]) here is lockscreen art >:)
By catboyfairy (tumblr)
The lip bite strikes fear into my soul.
By badlydrawntma (tumblr)
This man is intoxicated and I am Afraid.
By still-quite-messy (tumblr)
The ass.....................
Fic Art Gallery
By spaghetti_plays_guitar (instagram)
This adorable piece illustrates a scene from late in Chapter 4!
By starryknightart (instagram)
Tim being a smoothie model in Chapter 16 :)
By starryknightart (instagram)
Sasha and Tim making their way out of the waterpark - takes place between Chapter 19 and 20.
By SeddonEJ (ao3)
This artist is legendary because they recreated *that* scene from Chapter 25, complete with digital Martin and Sasha looking Worried.
By StarbuckOdinson (twitter)
I need y'all to know OP sent this incredible art to me with the caption: "POV your crush wandered off during the sleepover."
By occasionally-always (tumblr)
Here we find another really, really beautiful rendering of monster!Jon :) She also made THESE:
The following are from Chapter 30 for 1) the arcade scene and 2) the confession scene.
Timion (ao3) made them and I love them sm :))
By mysticmallows (tumblr)
This artist drew the cutest?? Ch 32 ren faire squad?? i could possibly imagine???
By theearnestonion (tumblr)
No words for how incredible this ren faire Sasha is! (Can you spot Esther? Evidently she wanted to tag along...)
By livingthehighloaf0904 (insta)
Another gorgeous rendering of ren faire Sasha!
By itsobnoxiouslove (insta)
Ren faire!Martin holds my heart so tenderly
By zimm.ie (insta)
Zim decided to make ren faire fluff and lonely!tim angst go HAND IN HAND with these two ;-;
By catboyfairy (tumblr)
This artist made all of these!! All! Of! These!
By honestlymydonut (tumblr)
Although Simon Fairchild doesn't show up at the waterpark, this wonderful, darling individual had the idea of him in water trunks...And then they enlisted their extremely talented friend to render what is quite possibly the most cursed art of Simon I have ever had the (mis)fortune of laying my eyes on! And now, you must see it too :)
By starryknightart (instagram)
Chapter 34 Lonely!Tim because ~pain~
There is a lot of content for Chapter 36 so for the next section, I'm just going to credit the creators of all this awesome art/media rather than do a description!
***
Spotify playlist for Desolation!Martin
(Also, a playlist for the fic as a whole ! - Feel free to add songs)
By originsofevil (tumblr)
By starryknightart (instagram)
By amp_rs_nd (instagram)
***
By riceonrye (tumblr)
A soft moment directly following the events of Chapter 37 🥺
By Fukurowl (ao3)
This Vast!Tim is beautiful but OUCH
By @silverlining_dgns (insta)
A Tim rendition to end all Tim renditions (i am dead now)
By kindaorangey (tumblr)
A SNAZZY rendering of Tim's twink boss murder fit from chapter 41!
Chapter End Notes
I hope you enjoyed browsing <3
As you can see, any and all art made for this fic will be given a spot right here in the gallery! If you have made art or have even considered making art based on this crazy story?? Congrats you're officially the coolest person ever.
Any and all interpretations of the cursed elias photo are welcome here :)
the eberson deluxe hotel
Chapter Summary
The squad explores the water park hotel; Sasha finds out about some interesting amenities.
Chapter Notes
See the end of the chapter for notes
Friday, 8:02 am
“walk walk fashion baybee”
Teaboy: tim!!
Teaboy: i would come over and and talk to you but there are tears in my eyes i
Teaboy: your hair i
Teaboy: i am laughing so much!!
Teaboy: it’s not even funny, it looks so good it’s just a LOT and i am. overwhelmed
Teaboy: one side is bright green?? and the other side is? hot pink??
Teaboy: i truly love it tim i just cannot. physically speak
Hackergirl: It’s true, I just passed by him and he’s having somewhat of a meltdown .
Flyguy - Resident Hero: tysm marto, id say im sorry for causing this but im thoroughly enjoying your reaction
Flyguy - Resident Hero: also water park today!! finally!! hope you guys brought your stuff bc we are going straight there the Moment the clock hits 5
Hackergirl: I bet jon didn’t bring his luggage .
Flyguy - Resident Hero: say sike right now
Hackergirl: I bet he assumed we would all be heading there later on, so he left it at home .
Flyguy - Resident Hero: sasha say sIKE
Teaboy: guys don’t worry!! when we went to get swim trunks yesterday we talked about the plan for today, so he knows we’re going right after work :))
Flyguy - Resident Hero: thank gOD martin i was about to be sad
Hackergirl: ...Which trunks did he end up with though ?
Flyguy - Resident Hero: iridescent,,,im begging you,
Teaboy: not iridescent. but!
Teaboy: i did steer him away from this truly awful striped pair, it was the first thing he saw, i dont even think he checked the size before picking it up, he just went “Right, this one’s fine.”
Teaboy: so obviously i suggested that we take another look, and he found some plain trunks of much better quality. i made sure they actually fit him this time!
Flyguy - Resident Hero: hey martin
Flyguy - Resident Hero: what do you mean by that last bit
Teaboy: ill never tell
Flyguy - Resident Hero: dont think i didnt see you slip out the door just now
Flyguy - Resident Hero: wait im looking out into the hallway, where the hell did you go
Flyguy - Resident Hero: wtf he disappeared
Hackergirl: This is more entertaining than I thought work could possibly be at 8 in the morning .
Flyguy - Resident Hero: martin i have questions for you,,,you cant avoid me forever!
Teaboy: :3
Flyguy - Resident Hero: fine. keep your secrets. ill just ask jon
Teaboy: ok um im joking tim nothing Different happened i swear
Teaboy: i just forced him to actually look at the sizing!! that’s all :/
Teaboy: he was trying to convince me the sizing didnt matter as much because the elastic is stretchy??
Flyguy - Resident Hero: he’s hopeless, your honour
Flyguy - Resident Hero: imagine if i hadnt sent you with him, what horrors that would have occurred
Hackergirl: Jon: shows up in boring poorly fitting trunks -- all of us, simultaneously: “oh no...we got the Bad Ending .”
Teaboy: “this IS the Bad Place!”
Flyguy - Resident Hero: did he perchance try on the trunks in front of you?
Teaboy: no, definitely not
Flyguy - Resident Hero: ah yeah, stupid question, you wouldn’t have survived i dont think
Hackergirl: Hey, tim?
Flyguy - Resident Hero: yes sasha
Hackergirl: You know that martin is about to not only see jon wearing those same swim trunks, but wearing them while shirtless ? And dripping wet ? Because, you know, we’re going to a water park ?
Teaboy: wait wait um
Teaboy: is it too late to reschedule um
Flyguy - Resident Hero: hahaha oh fuck
Flyguy - Resident Hero: dont worry about it marto. just concentrate on your work for now. dont think about jon, shirtless, dripping wet
Hackergirl: Yep, just don’t think about it !
Teaboy: so ummm you both are the worst! mid-morning tea privileges revoked!
Hackergirl: Oh shit .
Flyguy - Resident Hero: fukc ,, uh what about afternoon tea tho???
Teaboy: hm. i havent decided yet
Flyguy - Resident Hero: marto ill do anything,,,pleas,,
Teaboy: then perish
Hackergirl: Breaking news, there has been another murder at the esteemed magnus institute, it appears that the body of one timothy stoker has been completely destroyed . Nothing remains, not even his dignity .
12:42 pm
“we protecc”
Sasha pyjams: If anyone has anything they definitely want to do this weekend, please let me know so I can add it to our checklist .
Sasha pyjams: So far all we have is 1. Do some brainstorming about everything that has been going on so that we (Jon in particular) can feel more safe and in control when we come back to work, and 2. Have Martin tell us about his job at the renaissance festival .
Daddy time: i have several additions
Sasha pyjams: Wow I’m shocked !
Daddy time: i know, im usually such a shy, resigned guy and all
Daddy time: unless we do every single one of the following, my life will never know peace
Marto polo: so sorry for your loss :’(
Daddy time: marto have confidence in us ! we’ll get these done they aren’t nearly as wild as they could be
Daddy time: first: we have to take candid photos of each other like we’re celebrities or models or something. the three genres are: running from paparazzi AND acting casual (but actually high key modeling) AND/OR legitimately acting casual
Sasha pyjams: I like the database search engine format of your list of genres .
Daddy time: yeah I’m tryna impress the boss obv
Sasha pyjams: Jon are you impressed ?
First mate: ...Should I be?
Sasha pyjams: So that’s a no .
Daddy time: moving on,, we also need to rate the food because we are food snobs, or at least we all have the potential
Marto polo: i dont um. i dont think any of us are food snobs?
Daddy time: but we have the potential
Sasha pyjams: Alternate possibility: Martin can rate the tea selection and preparation .
Daddy time: jon can rate the environment. like how hard it would it be to get work done
Daddy time: even though he’s not allowed to work this weekend
Sasha pyjams: Did you hear that jon ? No files, no statements, no tape recorders .
First mate: Surely we’ll have enough downtime for me to do some work.
Daddy time: even if we did, (which we won’t!) you’re banned from official institute stuff for as long as we’re at the hotel
Marto polo: it’ll be good to take a break, jon. i really think getting away from work obligations will help you feel better :/
First mate: ...If I must.
Sasha pyjams: That’s the spirit !
Daddy time: ok i have two more things,, first we need to do a bunch of competitions whenever and wherever possible. like you know how on some water slides you can race someone else? and also there are jungle gym structures with water guns and shit? point is, i require Battles
Daddy time: also, this is probably a given, but we need to take advantage of aLL the amenities. like if there’s arcades, saunas, open bars - we’re there
Daddy time: wait im sure they do weddings at this fuckin bougie place, do you think they have a dance floor / ballroom??
Daddy time: i didnt pack for a ballroom!!
Sasha pyjams: Tim don’t worry, it’s a water park hotel, I doubt they’ll have a ballroom .
Sasha pyjams: And I shall add “many, many competitions” and “get the full Eberson Parks experience” to the list !
Daddy time: god im so hype for this. whether or not they have a ballroom
1:19 pm
Jon to Martin
Jon: Come to my office bring a file
Martin: oh ok! should i bring something specific or?
Martin: jon?
Martin: ok um. i'll just. grab something then? i'm coming
1:24 pm
“we protecc”
Sasha pyjams: Heads-up, I just passed Elias in the hall !
First mate: Yes, he already paid me a visit.
Sasha pyjams: Oh god were you alone with him ? Are you all right ?
First mate: I had Martin interrupt our conversation on the premise that he had found a lead on a time-sensitive case. I doubt Elias believed me, but in any case, he left shortly after.
First mate: It’s strange. All this week he has been irritated and insistent, but today he was. Calm? Smug, maybe? As though he understands something that he didn’t before––which, admittedly, is entirely possible.
Marto polo: he was saying some weird things, too? like. vaguely threatening things, actually? :(
Sasha pyjams: Oh god, really ?? What exactly did he say ??
First mate: I believe his parting words were: “Keep an eye on your assistants, Jon. They are so easy to misplace.”
Daddy time: hi i just got here but What the Fuck
Sasha pyjams: Maybe he’s just trying to get in your head and freak you out ? I mean, we’re going to an INDOOR water park, there is literally nowhere for us to get “misplaced” .
First mate: Perhaps you’re right.
First mate: Still. We should be cautious.
Daddy time: i guess we could use a buddy system but let’s uhh not give elias the satisfaction of getting freaked out
Daddy time: today’s meditation shall be: ridding ourselves of ideas involving elias and in turn manifesting waterslides
Sasha pyjams: Breathe in the smell of chlorine, breathe out thoughts of the bastard man .
Daddy time: no but seriously, itll be fine. we’re not going to let elias ruin this weekend!!
Marto polo: agreed! let’s just. not think about it too much?
First mate: Very well.
Sasha pyjams: Agreed !
Marto polo: im sure we’ll be fine, guys. it’s just a water park :)
4:59 pm
Daddy time: i know it’s a minute early but i cannot physically wait any longer let’s go
Marto polo: ok!! ill grab my pack!
Sasha pyjams: Jon finish up whatever you’re doing and meet us in the breakroom!
First mate: I’ll try to be quick.
First mate: This seems ridiculously early to be leaving work. There is so much left to do.
Marto polo: jon um...this is a normal time to leave work? it’s just that you sort of. dont ever leave. even when you probably should :)
Sasha pyjams: m a r t i n
Daddy time:im chokinG
Marto polo: ok but!! i mean, this is the whole reason for this weekend, right? to take a healthy break from the archives??
First mate: Yes, well.
Sasha pyjams: It’s officially 5 pm !
Daddy time: boss we’re leaving literally right now, we are walking into the hallway
First mate: Christ all right I’m coming.
Marto polo: yess!
6:12 pm
Tim to Sasha
Tim: how goes the investigation?
Sasha: This place is enormous ! I think we’re going to have a lot of fun exploring after dinner .
Sasha: Speaking of which, I checked out our options . Tonight we should go for Paseo del Mar, it seems the most casual . Tomorrow can be fancier, I took a peek into Singapore Dunes and it seemed very classy ! The room was dark and candlelit, and there were more spoons at each place setting than is strictly necessary !
Tim: sick, ill tell marto and jon and we can meet you there
Tim: jon hopped into the shower after you left but i cant hear the water running anymore, so i think he’ll be ready to go soon
Sasha: I do love how our hotel rooms are connected by a sliding door, it’s cute . Like a family vacation where the parents are in one room and the kids are in the other .
Tim: obviously we are the kids in this situation, dunno about you but i am not responsible enough to be a parent lmao
Sasha: I’m responsible enough but I still think we, as a pair, are the more energetic ones .
Tim: that reminds me, are you still down to do sprints down the hall at two in the morning
Sasha: Yeah it was my idea in the first place !
Tim: i know, and it’s brilliant
Tim: ok i hear them chatting so they must be ready to go. see you in a hot minute
Sasha: Great ! Hurry down, the smells are making me super hungry !
7:34 pm
“we protecc”
Sasha pyjams: Have you guys found anything interesting yet ?
Marto polo: yes!! on the ground floor there’s hall of different boutiques, they’re very tiny but nice. im seeing a lot of plants and baubles? it’s quite pretty :))
Marto polo: i also found an arcade on the lower level, as well as a spa!
Daddy time: spa retreat? i think yes. put cucumbers on my eyes, i need the nutrients
Daddy time: i just took a look in the fitness center, and it’s beautiful. kinda small and the ceiling’s low but it’s like. spotless. which makes sense since this resort is new, but still.
Daddy time: the highlight of this is that there is a sauna and hot tub, which we will undoubtedly be using
First mate: I didn’t discover much, although there is a lounge with bookshelves and a grand piano, which is admittedly an attractive area to me.
Daddy time: ok mr librarian
Daddy time: sasha what did you find
Sasha pyjams: Since I already did some exploring of my own, I went back to the lobby to ask about the amenities, and the lady at the front desk told me that we had 24/7 room service included in the room package, plus we have the option to rent waterproof phone cases so that we can keep them with us in the park and take photos ! Also, there is a daily breakfast buffet from 7:30 to 11:30 .
Daddy time: this is such good news
Daddy time: ok team, regroup at our rooms so we can make a game plan for how to tackle All of this in 48 hours .
Marto polo: haha oh no
First mate: Good lord.
Sasha to Tim
Sasha: I also found out that the rooms have mood lighting options, including “romance” .
Sasha: There is also a connected speaker system .
Sasha: But jon and martin don’t know that .
Sasha: And I figured in this situation, we should show rather than tell :)
Tim: fuckk
Tim: sasha i am in awe
Tim: of your evil genius
Tim: hello?
Tim: sasha?
Sasha: Sorry, I’m back . That was weird .
Sasha: I must be losing my mind a bit .
Tim: uhh youre easily the most sane person in the squad so this concerns me
Sasha: It was bizarre, I was walking down one of the hallways toward an elevator when I saw this...yellow door . And none of the doors at this resort are yellow, have you noticed that ? They’re all dark warm colours . But this one was vivid, highlighter yellow .
Sasha: I got a weird feeling just being near it, like the hair on the back of my neck stood straight up, so I sped past it and hit the button for the elevator . As soon as I worked up the nerve to glance behind me, it was gone . There was no yellow door, anywhere .
Sasha: I swear it had been there, Tim . Or at least I had a real, serious hallucination .
Sasha: My phone was fritzing out for a minute, too ?
Tim: ok um
Tim: hOW could a brand new hotel already be haunted??? this is record-breaking probably. quickest place to get ghosts
Tim: i cannot believe our luck
Tim: are we not allowed to go anywhere that’s just. normal?? smh
Sasha: I guess not .
Sasha: How much alcohol is in the minifridge ?
Tim: less than you probably want right now
Tim: but remember, we have 24/7 room service ;)
Sasha: Oh thank god .
9:58 pm
“walk walk fashion baybee”
Teaboy: heyyy not that i dont trust you guys? but up until now you’ve been listening to music pretty loud, and channel surfing and whatever, and currently the only sound coming from your room is um. hushed whispering? and laughing? and i am honestly afraid
Hackergirl: Hmm maybe ,you should be
Flyguy - Resident Hero: marto,,,whats jon doing rn ;)))
Teaboy: um? hes reading, over in his bed? why?
Hackergirl: And what are YOU doing
Teaboy: jotting down some ideas for poetry? i dont see why this is important :/
Flyguy - Resident Hero: both of you,, put down your books, do it
Flyguy - Resident Hero: this requires your full attention
Teaboy: ok, fine. done. we’re both at your mercy, i guess
Teaboy: why did you just lock the door to your room
Teaboy: i hear you guys laughing, this is not making me feel much better
Teaboy: why did the lights just
Teaboy: wait there's music? from somewhere? it kind of sounds
Teaboy: oh
Teaboy: oh no
Sasha to Tim
Hackergirl: [sent a video: Tim, clearly tipsy, winks as he dangles a small white remote in front of the camera, so close it blurs out of focus. In the background, Sasha snickers and whispers, “Okay, lovely, go ahead.” The camera quickly pans to the door separating the two rooms. There is an audible click as Tim presses a button on the remote. From the crack beneath the door, the light in the other room shuts off, accompanied by a small yelp of surprise. The light slowly returns, fading from darkness to a soft glow which oozes between a deep rosy hue and a lascivious red. Over the speakers, sultry jazz music begins blasting at full volume. Both Tim and Sasha have dissolved into uncontrollable giggling, and the camera shakes and struggles to remain facing the same direction. The dark silhouette of two feet quickly appear in the crack below the door. Martin knocks quietly but urgently and says something lost to the blaring saxophone. Sasha and Tim take a long moment to gather themselves before, with another click, the music shuts off and the light returns to normal. Sasha says, “Um, yeah so there’s this ambient function we wanted to show you. Isn’t it nice?” Tim wheezes “ isn’titnice” , and they both collapse once more into helpless laughter.]
Flyguy - Resident Hero: we are such genius people, it amazses me
Chapter End Notes
Next chapter is what we have all been waiting for!
Of course I wanted to make Jon and Martin share a single bed due to "booking errors" but I decided to make them suffer in other ways, for realism, because this is a very realistic fic.
also hmm easter eggs? in my fic?? it's more likely than you think...
(if you find them and figure out what they mean--which i think you will--lmk in the comments, but please don't spoil anything for others! <3 )You can chat with me @starryknightart on insta!
Kudos are always loved, and comments are always read, responded to, and worshipped like Ancient Egyptian cat deities.
the waterpark pt. 1
Chapter Summary
The squad has the time of their lives.
Chapter Notes
hi guys, quick thing! i know some of you were worried about michael's brief appearance last update, but rest assured that this chapter is just fluff fluff fluff. actual angst is not allowed in this section!
so please - sit back, relax, and enjoy the fun <3
See the end of the chapter for more notes
Saturday, 8:34 am
“walk walk fashion baybee”
Flyguy - Resident Hero: you guys need to get your arses down here already, the breakfast buffet popped off
Flyguy - Resident Hero: even jon approves,,,he’s over at the omelet station, probably getting egg whites or some shit
Flyguy - Resident Hero: there’s the usual stuff, like sausage and toast and such, but there’s also like,,fancy cheeses, and lox, and something on a kebab which i cannot identify, but it looks both expensive and delicious
Flyguy - Resident Hero: yesterday’s dinner was a 6.5 out of 10, mostly because the food was ehh and the room was a bit chilly, but just looking at all this,,im tempted to score the buffet higher on presentation alone
Hackergirl: About to be on our way ! Save two seats for us please and thank you :)
Flyguy - Resident Hero: sick. cant wait to see how the tea rating will go. do you think they’ll be up to your standards, marto?
Hackergirl: He said to tell you he doubts it haha
Flyguy - Resident Hero: ? yeah probably,,,is his phone not letting him type or?
Hackergirl: Nope, his phone is fine .
Flyguy - Resident Hero: ahah uhh ok, cool
Sasha to Tim
Sasha: You fucked up .
Tim: i did what now
Sasha: Do you remember what you did last night ?
Tim: youre going to need to be more specific
Sasha: Circa 3 am ?
Tim: ...no??
Sasha: Hang on, I’m making this seem bigger than it actually is .
Sasha: You fucked up, but just a little bit . It wasn’t all that different from our mood lighting prank, it was just...the timing, and the way it happened, I guess, but basically martin ended up getting proper embarrassed . He’s fine now that I’ve talked to him, it’s just that he’s a tiny bit annoyed with you still . Give him an hour, he’ll warm back up .
Tim: jfcc i dont even know what i did but i feel like the biggest arsehole in the universe
Sasha: Martin took a video because he woke up hearing noises and he thought it was something Spooky, but it was just you stumbling around our room doing whatever the hell you were doing, I was awake with you but I don’t even remember. Here:
Sasha: [sent a video: Everything is dark and grainy, and the only sounds are Martin’s shallow, anxious breathing and the sporadic, admittedly sketchy-sounding thumping and bumping. Martin whispers, “Hopefully this catches on tape. Or, I mean, on um...iPhone? But. There are sounds, noises, just––” The camera records the sounds for a few more seconds before there comes a series of knocks on the door separating the two rooms. Martin’s breath catches as the door slides partially open. Lamplight from the other room illuminates the head that pokes out. “Jesus, Tim,” Martin says, just as Tim asks in a not-at-all-quiet whisper, “Hey, are you guys awake?” Jon grumbles into his pillow.
Martin: “We are now. What time is it––?”
Tim: “Oh wow, why are you both awake? It’s super late?”
Martin, slightly exasperated: “Because you were knocking on––”
Sasha’s voice floats in, telling Tim to leave them alone, but he is already gasping at some bright, shiny new revelation. He says, “Oh shit, I get why. Congrats you crazy kids, I knew you’d make it work! Hope you didn’t forget to use protec––” Sasha’s hand slaps over Tim’s mouth as she drags him back into the other room. The sliding door shuts loudly, plunging everything into darkness. Martin holds his breath for several seconds before releasing it, slowly and shakily.]
Sasha: Basically martin assumed that jon would hate him now, but I convinced him that made no sense and jon was half asleep, anyway, so he probably doesn’t even remember what was said .
Tim: god why the fuck
Tim: disregarding the fact that jon’s ace, they werent even in the same bed why would i say that, i am the biggest idiot
Tim: you take breakfast with jon, im going to sit with marto, i cant physically handle it when hes mad at me so this needs to be fixed asap
Sasha: Good call .
9:05 am
Sasha: How did it go ?
Tim: we’re gucci now, thank god
Tim: basically i apologized profusely and dramatically, in typical stoker fashion, and he caved and said, “Yeah, sorry for the sort of...silent treatment this morning, I know you didn’t mean it,” because he’s the only person who accepts apologies by apologizing, and anyway i eventually made him laugh about something, and then he rated the tea like 4 out of 10 and went OFF about it, which had me nearly on the floor,
Tim: but yeah we’re cool
Tim: how was breakfast with jon? also what type of damn,,bland omelet did he get i need to know
Sasha: It looked like spinach, mushrooms, and peppers, which is actually super tasty, for your information ! And it was nice, we chatted a bit about normal stuff, about what’s planned for today . Don’t say I said so, but he is actually really looking forward to what the park has to offer !
Sasha: Also, I took a Risk .
Tim: oh??
Sasha: Yeah I um...asked him if he remembered what happened last night…
Tim: sashA
Sasha: To my complete surprise, he remembered...All. Of. It.
Sasha: But he didn’t seem to care about the content ! He was just pissed at you for waking both of them up (but mostly about waking up martin) .
Sasha: “This is supposed to be a restful weekend, is it not? I hardly think startling Martin awake at 3:22 in the morning is ‘restful.’”
Tim: uhh never thought id be so relieved to be the target of jon’s ire??
Tim: anyway,,,let’s get the hell to the waterpark already. today is supposed to be iconic, not stressful
Sasha: Couldn’t agree more ! Let’s all just go have some fun, yeah ?
Tim: oh absolutely
Sasha: I hope you brought stuff to protect your newly dyed hair from the chlorine !
Tim: what
Sasha: ......oh dear .
9:15 am
Sasha: Poor Martin :)
Tim: idk what you expected sasha, if youre as head over heels for someone as marto is for jon, you’re going to have some sort of reaction to seeing him shirtless for the first time
Sasha: I think he actually handled himself fairly well ! It’s just that we knew he was going to have some sort of Emotion over it, so we were paying attention, which is why we noticed how flustered he got . I don’t think Jon did, though, thankfully .
Tim: jon notices nothing so thats the least surprising development ever to have developed
Tim: i wish so hard that i got a photo, but at least i got to witness the way marto froze up like a deer in headlights
Sasha: It reminded me of those romcoms where the girl takes off her glasses and suddenly she’s attractive, and the guy is so shocked he fucking dies .
Tim: marto is so gay for jon that there are infinite ways to describe a single moment of its incarnation, do you ever think about that
Sasha: I can honestly say I do not .
Tim: it’s poetic, he’d like that!
Sasha: Feel free to tell him his gay panic over jon wearing swim trunks is poetic . I’ll watch .
Tim: uhhh maybe later
Sasha: Coward <3
Tim: u know it bby <3
9:26 am
“we protecc”
Marto polo: [sent a photo: Taken underwater - Grinning like a shark, Tim swims toward the camera, reaching out his hand as though to snatch it, his multicoloured hair vivid beneath the bright overhead lights of the park.]
9:43 am
Sasha pyjams: [sent a photo: The shot is of a large jungle gym-esque structure with bridges, tunnels, and slides. Standing side by side on the upper level are Jon and Tim, who smile with malice as they triumphantly aim their water shooters down toward the camera. On either side of the frame, Sasha and Martin’s hands flip them off.]
10:11 am
First mate: [sent a photo: Back in the pool, Sasha sits on Tim’s shoulders, wielding a pool noodle like a whip. Together they advance on a helpless Martin, who uses his pool noodle like a shield.]
First mate: [sent a photo: Tim wades alone in the pool, shoulder-deep, scanning for signs of an attack against him, his pool noodle at the ready. Behind him, Martin is low in the water, only his eyes and nose above the surface. His pool noodle is visible as well, and this time it is being held much less like a shield and much more like a mace.]
10:31 am
Sasha pyjams: [sent a video: The shot pans slowly from the pool to a white plastic lounge chair, where Tim is posing luxuriously and staring off into the distance. He does a double-take at the camera, then says, with mock surprise, “Oh hi, didn’t see you there. Have you ever wondered about...anything?” As he hops to his feet he adds, “Well, let me show you something. Follow me.” He and the camera walk a couple meters down the row, where Jon and Martin sit. “Hey, Jon,” Tim says, “what’s the exact humidity in here?” At first, Jon starts to grumble that he doesn't know, but then the video briefly warps, and when it returns to normal, Jon is saying, “––referring to the relative humidity, then 56.2 percent.” Tim addresses the camera, which swings up to focus on him: “Now introducing Spooky Google! He can be all yours for just 19.95.”
Martin, out of frame: “Hey––But––Okay, Jon’s worth more than twenty pounds, Tim!”
Jon, also out of frame, faking an indignant tone: “Obviously, I’ll go for no less than twenty-three.”]
10:57 am
Daddy time: [sent a video: The camera is propped up on a chair, facing the pool. One by one, Tim, Martin, Sasha, and Jon break the surface and try to flip their hair like swimsuit models. The attempts get progressively better (or rather, less terrible) until Jon gives it a go; his hair swings more sideways than upwards and ends up plastering across half his face. Everyone starts cracking up, and even Jon quirks a small smile once he’s swiped the hair away. Tim hops out and jogs over to pick up the camera, saying, “Right, real quick, let’s play that back to––”]
11:12 am
Tim to Sasha
Tim: idk why you need to find a drinking fountain, like,,,there’s water everywhere?
Sasha: Ew .
Sasha: I found it, anyway !
Tim: ok hydrate before you diedrate, then hurry back bc we’re doing actual rides next
Sasha: Ooh ok !
Tim: youre not gonna believe this but jon is the one who brought it up, he really went “So are we going to take full advantage of the actual *interesting* aspects of the park or…?”
Tim: like damn boss,, you could have been this fun before? yet you decided to be a grumpy stickler man
Sasha: I think the excitement of teaming up to shoot each other with water pistols really unleashed his inner immortal space pirate .
Sasha: Who knew that temporarily shedding the emotional and psychological weight of a job filled with incomprehensible horrors and a potentially murderous boss could make someone less stressed and more fun to be around ?
Tim: ikr?? i never would have guessed
11:30 am
“we protecc”
Sasha pyjams: [sent a photo: A POV shot from Sasha’s perspective (her legs are visible, tucked up at the bottom of the frame). Everybody is huddled in an inflatable boat, drenched, sliding into each other and clutching the handles for dear life as their momentum brings them halfway vertical up the side of an enormous funnel.]
11:49 am
Marto polo: [sent a photo: In the middle of a rollercoaster ride, Martin has lifted the camera to capture himself and the others in frame. Jon, who sits next to him, gives the camera a subdued smile, but his eyes are bright with adrenaline. Just behind them, Sasha pretends to be fast asleep while Tim cheers, throwing his arms up in the air.]
12:04 pm
Daddy time: [sent a video: The shot is focused on the gushing mouth of a blue tube slide. After a few seconds, Sasha flies out and splashes down into the pool. She paddles straight toward the camera, and as she lifts herself out to sit on the edge, she says, in a faux-cheerful voice, “Wow, don’t you hate it when that happens? Hi, I’m Sasha James, advocate for the complete disposal of all water. Tell me, have you ever choked on water?” Tim doesn’t hesitate: “Multiple times a day.” Sasha: “Thought so. Here are a few reasons why we should get rid of water.” Tim’s leg comes into frame as he starts slowly bulldozing Sasha back into the pool with his foot. “It’s easy to choke on,” she says, counting on her fingers, “there’s way too much of it, it’s clear, it’s...um, useless, it doesn’t taste of anything interesting––” Tim finally topples her back into the pool. When she resurfaces she spits water at the camera, and Tim yelps.]
12:37 pm
Daddy time: [sent a photo: A POV shot with Tim’s legs in view, splayed out on an inner tube. Ahead of him, both Martin and Jon drift along the lazy river in their respective inner tubes. Jon has his hands folded across his stomach, and appears incredibly relaxed. Martin points subtly at Jon, making an unbelieving expression at the camera–– Are you seeing this? ]
Daddy time: [sent a video: The same POV, now further down the lazy river. Tim zooms in on where Jon is drifting, eyes closed––then to where he is headed, directly beneath a falling pillar of water. The camera snaps around to Martin as Tim nudges on his tube with his foot. “Marto, there is about to be a tragic awakening.” When Martin looks over and realizes what he’s talking about, his eyes go wide and he immediately slips down through his tube, breaking back up through the surface a meter away. As Tim quietly cheers him on, Martin makes his way through the water, then, just in the nick of time, gently steers Jon’s tube safely around the waterfall. “Oh my god, what!” Tim whispers, and laughs as Martin glances over, shaking his head slightly, with a look of utter disbelief at his narrow success.]
1:01 pm
Sasha pyjams: All right, I looked into it, and once we’re all finished showering I think the best option for lunch would be a nice little place just a block away . They have smoothies and sandwiches, which sounds delightful right about now !
Marto polo: oh perfect! Ta sasha :)
Daddy time: im totally down
Sasha pyjams: Tim aren’t you in the shower right now ? I can hear the water still running .
Daddy time: im making the most of our waterproof phone cases obv
Daddy time: hey marto,,at lunch you should uhh tell us about your job at the renaissance festival
Sasha pyjams: Please Martin, we are SO curious .
Marto polo: ah. sure, why not :)
Daddy time: BLESS
Daddy time: also we should check out the arcade after lunch, if you guys are cool with that?
Marto polo: oh yes definitely!! i haven’t been to an arcade in ages!
Sasha pyjams: Same here martin, it’s been years ! I’d certainly love to see what games they have .
Daddy time: @jon respond
Sasha pyjams: Omg Tim he’s in the shower . Wildly enough, some people do not think to bring their phones in the shower with them !
Daddy time: hey marto can you like,, peek into the bathroom and let him know the plans
Marto polo: no????? i will not?????
Sasha pyjams: T I M
Daddy time: i mean ofc you’d cover your eyes when you did it. for privacy ;)
Marto polo: ...yeah somehow that still doesn’t make me want to do it
Sasha pyjams: Hey tim maybe finish your own shower so that I can get in ? Thanks so much xx
Daddy time: it’s fine, i get it,,,,you guys arent ready for my brilliant ideas,,my shower thoughts
Daddy time: one day youll look back and think “huh, it would have saved us so much time, like thirty whole seconds, if I had just Slightly invaded my boss’s space while he has no clothes on”
Marto polo: i don’t think. i will ever have that thought
1:09 pm
First mate: You do realize I can read all of this, yes?
First mate: Once again, I find myself thankful to be sharing a room with Martin rather than with you, Tim.
Daddy time: ooh “once again”?
First mate: I doubt I would have been able to sleep with all the noise you and Sasha were making. Martin is much quieter.
First mate: What could you have possibly been doing?
Daddy time: uhh ,,two person tag,,combined with the floor is lava
First mate: Christ.
2:13 pm
Sasha pyjams: Photos incoming !
Sasha pyjams: [sent a photo: At an outdoor cafe, Tim sits back in his chair, pink smoothie in hand, a decorative umbrella pinched between his teeth.]
Sasha pyjams: Tim, the fact that you specifically asked for an umbrella, since they don’t usually give umbrellas with smoothies ? Kills me .
Sasha pyjams: [sent a photo: Martin and Jon sit at the table, leaning slightly toward each other and facing the camera. Martin wears his usual big, adorable smile, while Jon’s smile is smaller, more polite, but still genuine. Their half-finished smoothies sit on the table in front of them, Martin’s green and frothy, Jon’s a deep purple.]
Tim to Sasha
Tim: ok when you took that second picture, i almost lost it because you kept saying, “no you’re not in frame, lean in closer, closer...closer….”
Tim: i half expected you to say “and now, kiss” and god,, maybe they finally would have
Sasha: At first I thought you sent these messages in the gc where jon could see them ? and my heart DROPPED .
Tim: that would have been hilarious for a few seconds
Tim: ok but can we talk about martin’s role?? as a face painter at the renaissance festival???
Tim: not only did he do braids for the performers, but he painted butterflies and flowers on little kids’ faces-
Tim: aND while in character?? that’s the cutest, most martin thing i have ever heard
Sasha: He said he wore synthetic elf ears, right ? And a cloak ? Please tell me I’m not misremembering this .
Tim: you are nOT
Tim: i would do anything for photos,, like you dont even know
Sasha: Maybe I can uncover some things...I’ll do some digging later :)
Sasha: Where are you rn, anyway ?
Tim: watching jon slay at pinball. where are you ?
Sasha: The other end of the arcade . Martin and I are doing guitar hero. He’s choosing a song .
Tim: do through the fire and the flames, on expert
Sasha: No . I should be doing Slow Ride on Easy, because that is my skill level .
Tim: boring
Sasha: Oh, no .
Sasha: Martin picked Reptilia on Hard so, which means I have to at least do Medium in order for it to be fair . Nice knowing you .
Tim: f
4:09 pm
“we protecc”
Daddy time: i just got hit with the biggest wave of fatigue -
Daddy time: so glad we’re back in the rooms rn, im taking a nap now, bye
First mate: I believe I will be following suit. Today has been thoroughly exhausting.
First mate: To clarify, it has been quite fun. I enjoyed much of what we did. But it was still exhausting.
Sasha pyjams: Don’t worry, we understand what you mean !
Marto polo: i'm actually not too tired, i think i might pop down to the lounge jon was talking about. it sounds nice
Marto polo: should we reconvene in an hour and a half, then, for dinner?
First mate: Yes.
Sasha pyjams: For sure !
Marto polo: great, get some rest guys :))
7:21 pm
Daddy time: drop ur photoss
Daddy time: [sent a photo: Sasha is curled up beneath the covers with an eye mask on, her hands tucked preciously beneath her cheek. The eye mask says, in elegant cursive, “Sleep is a conspiracy”.]
Daddy time:from the siesta sesh earlier ;)
Sasha pyjams: Two can play at that game .
Sasha pyjams: [sent photo: Tim is passed out on the bed, on top of the crumpled-up comforter, his face planted firmly in the pillow, his hair tousled. One leg dangles over the side while the other is half bent at the knee and tucked firmly to his chest.]
Sasha pyjams: You sleep like a serial killer .
Daddy time: thanks i try
Daddy time: did anyone get a pic of the dessert we ordered? please say yes
First mate: [sent a photo: A waiter places an unexpectedly large chocolate lava cake, dusted with powdered sugar and melded to two scoops of vanilla bean ice cream, on the table between Tim and Martin, both of whom are in complete shock, Tim with his jaw hanging open and Martin with his hand clapped over his mouth.]
First mate: This was very entertaining to witness.
Daddy time: ok that thing was twice the size of normal lava cakes, dont even tell me im wrong
Daddy time: she was Thicc
Sasha pyjams: We finished most of it, which I don’t really want to think about .
Marto polo: me neither :/ i am anyway, tho
Marto polo: tim, what was your rating for tonight’s dinner?
Daddy time: 8.5/10, Singapore Dunes is a cool name for a restaurant, the atmosphere was classy, the food was great and the portions (other than monster cake) were good. points off for being pricey and also for taking away the bread bowl instead of giving us another refill like we wanted
First mate: It was probably in our best interest that we didn’t get a fourth bowl of bread.
Daddy time: maybe so,,,but i dont care
Sasha pyjams: Martin and Jon, do you want to come in here and watch something on telly or play cards or something ? We can save the serious discussion about what to do about elias and work for tomorrow, right now I just want to relax and then sleep .
Marto polo: sure, that sounds good! :))
First mate: We’ll be over in a moment.
10:55 pm
Martin to Sasha
Martin: hey. um are you awake?
Martin: wait, sorry, i hope sending you this didnt wake you up
Martin: nevermind, i dont need to talk about this right now, sorry
Sasha: Hey it’s okay, I was awake anyway . Apparently my nap earlier was overkill .
Martin: oh no! im sorry about that :(
Sasha: Don’t worry, it’s not the end of the world .
Sasha: Are you all right ?
Martin: yeah, i am. it’s just
Martin: well i mean
Martin: maybe im not. not all right, i mean. sorry, i dont really know how to talk about this. i dont know why im not texting both you and tim, because i trust you both, i just um. i thought you might be ..better? for this conversation?
Martin: god, that still sounds awful. this is really nothing against tim!!
Sasha: Martin, it’s truly okay . You don’t have to justify anything . I know Tim can be a lot sometimes, and that’s great when you need somebody to motivate you or make you laugh, or just generally to cheer you up, but his personality is not a perfect fit for every situation .
Sasha: I’m listening, Martin . I’m not judging you .
Martin: ah, thanks. um. ok.
Martin: i think i need to tell jon.
Martin: how i feel about him, that is.
Martin: not tomorrow, obviously, not while we’re all stuck together here. i wouldnt want to make things weird for everyone.
Martin: but soon. monday, maybe. after work? something like that.
Sasha: That’s certainly a change of heart ! If you don’t mind me asking, what made you want to tell him ?
Martin: ah. well
Martin: there were some things that happened today. and not all of them were captured in pictures or videos, they were just...little things. little important moments that nobody would ever notice, but i noticed them because. because, well. they were meaningful to me.
Martin: jon has always been quite against touch, you know? doesn’t like hugs, barely tolerates handshakes. but all today when we were sitting next to each other on rides and things, he didn’t seem to mind? he even sort of. um. leaned against me during one of the rides? and it was so, so nice, and i was so stunned i almost forgot to get off the ride when it stopped
Martin: and when he wanted to get my attention, he would nudge me or, or even put his hand on my arm, and it’s just. so different from normal. that has to mean something, right?
Martin: you know when we were in the arcade, and you and tim were taking your turn at air hockey, so jon and i were watching?
Martin: well at some point, i caught his eye, and. i dont know. the way he was looking at me was so...open? he sort of glanced away right then, i dont think he meant for me to see that.
Martin: but still, he was looking. at me. like that.
Martin: and um
Martin: when everyone was taking a rest before dinner, i went down to the lounge for a while, like i said.
Martin: and when i came back up to the rooms, jon was fast asleep. i was very careful not to wake him, of course. i just figured i'd read or something, in the meantime.
Martin: but i was walking over to my bed and i saw him and in his sleep he was smiling this soft smile and i
Martin: he just
Martin: he looked beautiful, sasha
Martin: and i dont know what to do
Martin: because now i cant unsee it. obviously he was handsome before, but this is. there’s something new about this, because he finally looks peaceful, and even a little bit happy. and apparently when he isn’t busy being grouchy or sleep-deprived or haunted by things he cant control, he is. beautiful.
Martin: and i want to see him this way again, as much as possible. more than that,
Martin: i want to be the reason he smiles in his sleep.
Martin: that’s why i have to tell him.
Martin: i hope it, um. i hope that makes sense?
Sasha: It does .
Sasha: Clearly Jon is learning to be more open, so I think it would make sense that he would be more obvious about his feelings .
Sasha: Jon cares about you, Martin . It’s not my place to say what type of affection that is, but he enjoys spending time with you, and he trusts you, and at this point he sees you as more than an assistant .
Sasha: If you want to tell him, then I think you should . And if you need me to do anything to help make that happen, just let me know, okay ?
Martin: ok, i will. thank you, so much, sasha. truly.
Sasha: Of course . I’ll see you tomorrow, martin <3
Martin: see you tomorrow :)
Chapter End Notes
I hope you guys enjoyed reading that section as much as I enjoyed writing it! Crazy to think we're already here--before I began writing, the water park visit was something I was aiming for as a lead-up goal, like maybe a tentative ending? But hoo boy, we are just getting started...
Kudos are always adored, and comments are always read, responded to, and fed to my muse, who occasionally crashes on my couch and drinks my orange juice.
You can reach me @starryknightart on instagram <3
the waterpark pt. 2
Chapter Summary
The waterpark is not what it seems.
Chapter Notes
Content Warnings listed at the end to avoid spoilers! (Nothing worse than canon)
Imagine having CW for a groupchat fic. My first inclination is to say, Damn, couldn't be me. But, well. It is me.
For those of you who missed the hints in chapter 15....those restaurant names were pretty interesting, don't you think? Hm....Maybe it's time for a quick google search....
See the end of the chapter for more notes
Sunday, 8:22 am
“we protecc”
Sasha pyjams: Today we have to have the Chat, unfortunately .
Sasha pyjams: We need to figure out how to handle elias and whatever is happening to jon .
Sasha pyjams: Meet at the buffet in ten ?
Marto polo: sure :)
First mate: All right.
Daddy time: what happens if i meet you at the buffet in eleven
Sasha pyjams: I’ll kick your arse .
Daddy time: fair enough
9:54 am
Sasha pyjams: All right, this was time well spent . I’m posting the notes I took here so you all have the summary .
Sasha pyjams: Plans moving forward:
-Look further into Gertrude’s murder/Try to get a confession out of Elias
-Figure out Elias’s motivations (interrogate him and his contacts, research his history, snoop around his office)
-As a rule, Jon must never be left alone in the building with Elias
-Jon should test his control over his Spooky powers (but NOT to the point where the effort causes him more harm than good, or else Martin will Aggressively Care For His Wellbeing)
-Weekly squad get-togethers are mandatory, for safety reasons, and also for fuckshit reasons
-We shall vandalize Elias’s portrait of Jonah Magnus (just for fun)
Sasha pyjams: Anything to add ?
Daddy time: alcohol is now allowed at work :)
First mate: No.
Daddy time: :(
First mate: Unless you can be subtle about it.
Daddy time: :)
Daddy time: you wont regret this boss
First mate: I already do.
Daddy time: you slowpokes need to get over here, marto and i are literally at the spa rn
Sasha pyjams: Some of us like to stroll, enjoy the walk .
Sasha pyjams: Also, some of us are not giants and thus do not have long strides @martin .
Marto polo: i feel. so attacked? yet i did nothing
First mate: You’re tall. That’s reason enough.
Marto polo: wow
Sasha pyjams: We’re almost there, thank god . I don’t know about you all, but with all this tension lately, the spa sounds heavenly .
Daddy time: i think jon needs to live in the spa for at least a month, as a treatment
First mate: A treatment for what?
Daddy time: Grouchy Boss Disease
Daddy time: it’s curable if you catch it quick enough
First mate: Are you suggesting that it would otherwise be fatal.
Daddy time: metaphorically. you’d die on the inside,,always grouchy
First mate: I’m not that bad.
First mate: Hm. Or um. Maybe I am. Was.
First mate: I don’t want to be. I didn’t try to be.
Marto polo: you’ve been getting a lot better lately, dont worry! :)
Daddy time: yeah i guess you’re already in your recovery phase. congrats! youre a survivor
First mate: That’s good to hear.
Sasha pyjams: Okay we’re about to walk in, see you guys in two seconds !
10:12 am
Daddy time: my bones, are loose
Sasha pyjams: Hm .
Daddy time: in a good way haha
Sasha pyjams: Unsure if that’s possible but sure .
Daddy time: im so happy i got cucumbers put over my eyes, that was a dream of mine
Daddy time: my skin is radiating light
Daddy time: side note, i have zero doubt that if jon had gotten a massage, his spine would have crackled like a crisp
First mate: Lucky for the masseuses, I didn’t want any stranger touching my back.
Daddy time: what colour did you get your nails
First mate: Black. Except for the middle fingers. They are gold. And more glittery than I had anticipated. Frankly it’s a bit distracting but I’ll make do.
Daddy time:you can flip off elias in style!!!
First Mate:Yes.
Marto polo: that sounds so cool!! wait can i see? where are you?
First mate: I’m in the waiting area with Sasha. You did the same thing as Tim, yes?
Marto polo: yeah, we both got massages and facials, which was really really nice
Marto polo: but now i feel bad that we’re about to go into the waterpark and wash off all the oils and things :/
Daddy time: it’s ok marto, what’s important is not the oils, it’s the stress we relieved along the way
Daddy time: besides, there are rematches that need to happen,,,also some rides that need to be ridden again
Sasha pyjams: And to be ridden for the first time ! There was one that I didn’t get to yesterday but it looks wild .
Daddy time: do you mean the one where it’s just you, no inner tube, and you slide around this funnel before dropping down out the bottom of it like you’re falling through a waterfall
Daddy time: and the freefall drop into the pool below is like. 5 meters
Sasha pyjams: Yes !
Daddy time: i’ll miss you when you’re gone
Marto polo: that sounds freaky, i will not be participating in that one!
Sasha pyjams: That’s okay, I can plummet to my death by myself :’)
Daddy time: i do want to watch tho
Daddy time: ok im done in here, ill be out in a minute
Marto polo: time for waterpark day 2!
Daddy time: god yes
11:34 am
Sasha pyjams: Tim and I are heading over to the twin tube slides, we’re going to race a few times !
Marto polo: okay, have fun ! :)
11:43 am
Sasha to Tim
Sasha: Where did you go ?
Sasha: I thought you went in the other slide at the same time as me ? I didn’t see you come out, though .
Sasha: It’s been a few minutes, is this a prank or something ? It’s a pretty bad one, if I’m to be honest .
Sasha: Seriously, where are you ?
Sasha: Tim ?
“we protecc”
Sasha pyjams: Hey, is tim with you guys ?
Marto polo: no, i thought you said you two were going to race? :0
Sasha pyjams: We did . It’s just that I seem to have lost track of him, and he’s not answering my texts .
First mate: Perhaps his phone ran out of battery ?
Sasha pyjams: That’s possible, but I still don’t know why he would go off somewhere .
Marto polo: i guess he could have gotten distracted? maybe he’s chatting someone up :/
Sasha pyjams: That’s actually somewhat likely . Which makes me feel a little less anxious, sort of .
Sasha pyjams: I’ll come join you two, then .
First mate: He knows where to find us. At the very least, he can go back to the hotel room.
Sasha pyjams: Yeah . Yeah, you’re right . I’m probably worrying for nothing .
Marto polo: do you want to do that ride you were talking about? the freaky one?
First mate: It could take your mind off of Tim. Although, I will be elsewhere, because, frankly, I don’t find it pleasant to watch people drop like that.
Marto polo: the line’s not exactly short for it, so maybe tim will have come back by the time you’ve tried it?
Sasha pyjams: Sure, yes, let’s do that . Thank you martin <3
Marto polo: of course :) meet you there!!
12:05 pm
Martin to Sasha
Martin: ok sasha youre really worrying me, wherever you are
Martin: it’s not like you didn’t go down the slide, i saw you near the front of the line, and i saw you drop down into the pool, but
Martin: i must have missed it somehow, but i didnt see you surface? and of course i checked underwater but there’s no one there, nothing there. there’s just water.
Martin: please message me back
Martin to Jon
Martin: jon meet me at the wading pool as soon as you can
Martin: sasha’s gone, i dont know how, she’s just. she’s gone.
Martin: we need to look for them. they cant have left the park. they’re here. they have to be here.
Martin: maybe someone took them? someone invisible, or something? that sounds crazy, but this is all crazy, so whatever, it’s fine. it’s
Martin: jon, you’re getting these messages, right?
Martin: jon?
Martin: please tell me you didn’t disappear too
Martin: you cant leave me alone here.
Jon: Sorry, I didn’t hear your texts come in, it’s a bit loud.
Martin: oh thank god
Jon: What do you mean she disappeared?
Martin: just. meet me. right now, please?
Jon: All right. I’m on my way.
Tim
Tim: i dont know who tf im sending this to, my phone is glitching out like nobody’s business
Tim: hopefully this is sasha
Tim: sasha you need to fuckin,,, call maintenance or something
Tim: im still in the tube slide. the water got shut off, so im basically army crawling downward. it’s not steep where im at or anything. it’s just a slight decline. it’ll probably get steeper around this bend
Tim: the tube is also getting narrower, which is weird. i dont think i noticed that before, when i did this slide yesterday. my shoulders are brushing the sides. i feel like that’s sort of a hazard
Tim: it’s dark, too. i can still see light coming in from the places where the nails fit into the slide, but idk. it’s creepier when you’re stuck here. you’re not meant to be in the tube for more than thirty seconds
Tim: im around the bend, but nothing’s changed, except the tube’s a bit narrower.
Tim: i mean, i think im around the bend
Tim: theres another bend ahead of me. it seems like theres always a bend ahead of me
Tim: wait. i know what the tube looks like from the outside, and it isnt shaped like this.
Tim: this doesnt make sense
Tim: this is some top tier bullshit
Tim: i literally have to be near the outlet by now so if youre getting these messages, just yell at me, ill hear it
Tim: itd be nice to hear your voice, sash
Tim: i just realized cant hear the water rushing through the other rides, or little kids screaming or whatever else
Tim: i cant. fucking hear anything
Tim: it’s so silent it’s painful, it hurts. it feels like pressure in my head
Tim: ok, im going to keep moving forward. ill have to reach the end eventually
Tim: i just need to keep going.
12:27 pm
Martin to Jon
Martin: do you see either of them on your side??
Jon: No. They aren’t in the lazy river, apparently.
Martin: they arent in line for any of the rides, either. or, they werent, when we checked.
Martin: should we go check again?
Jon: Let’s look at each area first. Then we can come back to the lines.
Martin: ok. yeah.
12:39 pm
Jon: They aren’t at this end of the wave pool. I don’t know why they’d be here, but. Well. I don’t know what’s going on.
Martin: yeah, might as well look anyway?
Martin: wait, hang on
Jon: I see you looking at something, what is it?
Martin: i think i see sasha, maybe??? in the deep end?? looks kind of like her?
Martin: wait whered she go?? she was just there?? i’ll
Martin: im going to
Jon: No, Martin don’t.
Jon: Stop, don’t go into the
Jon: Stop!!
Jon: Wait, just wait, Im losing sight of you,
Jon: Where did you go?
Jon: Martin!
Jon: I can’t see where you went
Jon: You were there, and then you
Jon: Martin??
Jon: Martin please respond
Jon: Please i
Jon: This isnt
Jon: Martin I can't see you
Jon: I can’t see you
Sasha
Sasha: psf e
Sasha: plse h elp im
Sasha: underwate
Sasha: water rushing abov
Sasha: from theride
Sasha: keeps pushnd me back dow n
Sasha: as soonas i ge t air
Sasha: help .martin
Sasha: tim
Sasha: jjon
Sasha: im tryingto swimn sidways
Sasha: to escape
Sasha: but waterfal is everyywher above
Sasha: every where
Sasha: can u see thse
Sasha: the messa ges
Sasha: somebody
Sasha: anybo dy
Sasha: pleas help me
Sasha: please help
1:52 pm
“we protecc”
First mate: Your things are still here. You can’t have left.
First mate: I don’t know why I’m still pretending to believe that you all simply left the hotel.
First mate: Sasha saw Tim disappear, Martin saw Sasha disappear.
First mate: I saw Martin
First mate: Oh fuck this.
First mate changed his name to Jon
Jon renamed the group “Archival Assistants Retrieval”
Jon: I hope you are receiving these texts.
Jon: In the case that you are, I will keep you all updated on what I am doing.
Jon: Please be safe, wherever you are. But don’t get too comfortable. You obviously won’t be there forever. There is a way to bring you back, I just have to find it.
Jon: Maybe I can try to
2:09 pm
Jon: As it turns out, I can’t Know where you are. I tried but I
Jon: There is a wall, of sorts, that I am unable to break through. When I try to Know. You’re all on the other side of it, I can feel that much, but I don’t have the means to reach you. Not yet.
Jon: I need the mental equivalent of a hammer, I suppose. Or a stick of dynamite.
Jon: I’ll call Mx. Eberson. Surely they’ll be gracious enough to hold the hotel room for us, under the circumstances. That way I won’t have to figure out how to transport all of your belongings to the Institute.
Jon: Speaking of which, I realize we recently agreed that I was not to be left alone in the Institute with Elias, but I don’t see a way to avoid it, so that is where I am going now. I just left the hotel room. I don’t expect Elias to be much help, but maybe he’ll be so kind as to give me a push in the right direction.
Jon: He did seem to Know something like this would happen. He did say assistants are “easy to misplace”.
Jon: He Knows what is going on, and I swear I’ll
Jon: I see a d̸o̶o̴r̶ at the end of the hall.
Jon: It is d̵i̸f̴f̶e̷r̸e̴n̴t̷ from the others. it’s painted b̶r̴i̴g̷h̴t̷ ̵y̶e̸l̶l̷o̶w̶.̶
J̴̟̪͔̦̾on: The han̵d̷l̵e̶ ̵i̴s̸ t̴̨͗͠ͅur̷͝ͅni̶̍n̵̰̣̑g̶. Thë̴̇͝ d̷̩̈́̃ọ̵̠̖̎ő̵r̶ ̷̢̫̋̍͑̀is̸̽ ̴o̷̪̅̍pę̵͎̬̀͌̌n̵̩͗̉ĭ̴͊n̴͗g̶̈
J̶o̶n̵: W̵a̸i̷t̷,̶ ̶I̸ ̸t̴h̵i̶n̶k̵ ̷I̷ ̸r̷e̵c̴o̷g̷n̵i̵z̴e̴
J̵̧̈́͝o̵̼͐ṇ̶̛͕: I̵s̶ ̵t̶h̵a̷t̶
Martin
Martin: i c ant get to the surface
Martin: i cantbreathe
Martin: im. drowning? but
Martin: somehow ?im not
Martin: i feel like i am but i havent passed out and its been so long. so long .
Martin: the surface is far above me, the waves and the lights
Martin: the wave pool cant be this deep
Martin: it cant
Martin: the weight of the water is pressing on me
Martin: its getting colder as i sink
Martin: getting darker
Martin: its quiet but everythin g hurts
Martin: my lungs hurt
Martin: i dont know if anyone is getting these texts
Martin: i dont know
Martin: tim and sasha
Martin: i hope jon finds you
Martin: i hope you arent in as bad a place as this
Martin: i hope we get to see each other again but
Martin: mostly i hope youre okay
Martin: im not okay
Martin: it takes so long to type, its so hard to focus when you cant breathe
Martin: jon
Martin: i have things i need to tell you
Martin: so dont give up on finding me
Martin: although
Martin: if you never do
Martin: sasha can tell you what i wanted to say
Martin: but if im being honest
Martin: id prefer to tell you myself
Chapter End Notes
CW: claustrophobia, drowning
Did y'all see the hurt/comfort tag? Well. This is why.
I promise I only supply trauma for the purpose of lots and lots of fluff later on, I swEAR.
Kudos are always appreciated, and comments are always read, responded to, and...honestly? They just make me smile. Like, i stg my face hurts from smiling so much after reading your responses. It's fucking great.
betwixt and between
Chapter Summary
Jon does research; Tim reminisces.
Chapter Notes
I decided I'll be posting twice this week, a) because this chapter is shorter and b) so that we can speedrun through the trauma ayooo
Same CW as last chapter (claustrophobia, drowning) although to a lesser extent.
Edit: If you haven't learned about Smirke's list of Fears (TMA 111 I think?) you may want to get there before reading, because there are spoilers!
See the end of the chapter for more notes
Monday, 8:11 am
“Archival Assistants Retrieval”
Jon: I apologize for my absence.
Jon: There is much to explain. I do not have time to go over the details but I will answer any clarifying questions you may have when you return.
Jon: The entity known as Michael paid me a visit yesterday. This is the individual who, for whatever reason, showed Sasha how to fight against Prentiss’s worms.
Jon: He told me a number of things, and I’m honestly not sure where to begin. Elias was never so upfront. Actually, I just spoke with Elias a few minutes ago, but I’ll get to that later.
Jon: Michael told me that there are categories of Entities. Different fears. They all go by different names, and they each have identifying characteristics. For example, Michael is of the Spiral, meaning unreality, the deception of the senses, non-logic, etc. The Institute is a temple to the Eye, otherwise known as Beholding, which has to do with having your secrets exposed or, alternatively, chasing knowledge to the point of destruction.
Jon: Michael hinted that you have been taken by one of these Entities. Of course, he didn’t say which one. He said he wanted to give me just enough information to “neutralize the playing field.” I think this is a game to him. At least he is invested in its outcome, I suppose.
Jon: Elias continues to be a waste of space. When I confronted him, all he did was gloat and make off-hand remarks about getting me hardier assistants. I did glean a few things, though. He and Mx. Eberson have a history, and they do not like each other one bit. Apparently when Elias discovered we were going to this particular water park, he was confident Eberson would try something, for revenge. They wanted to harm Elias by claiming a handful of his employees.
Jon: I should have been the one taken, if that were the goal. Elias didn’t bat an eye when I told him that you all had disappeared, but he seems to care about what happens to me. I wonder if an exchange could be arranged.
Jon: I can practically hear Martin protesting that. I’ll try to think of something less permanent, Martin. I promise. But there might not be another way.
Jon: Elias did say something particularly cryptic. That if I cared strongly enough about finding you, I would be able to “accept the Knowledge.” He really is a prick. But he may be right. I need to be somewhat drastic in my efforts.
Jon: I’m starting with statements. I’m going to read and record as many as I can. That may sound strange, to record them when my primary focus is researching your whereabouts, but. It feels like the thing to do. It feels like recording them will chip away at the mental wall that keeps me from finding you.
Jon: Anyway. I will let you know if I find anything relevant.
Jon: Please stay safe.
11:28 pm
Jon: Apparently I fell asleep at my desk an hour ago. Today has been difficult.
Jon: Normally I find it strenuous to record more than one statement a week. They are incredibly taxing, for some reason.
Jon: Today I recorded three. It is not enough. It was all that I could do, but it is not enough.
Jon: I tried looking through older statements and files, but Gertrude left such a mess that I doubt I found anything useful. I did recognize the characteristics of some Entities while reviewing them, which was illuminating. Illuminating, but unhelpful.
Jon: It has been quiet all day. The lack of chatter from the breakroom is unnerving. I'll admit I recorded two of the three statements there, in the spot where Tim normally sits. I thought working there would be comforting, or at least less isolating than spending all my time in the archives. But the breakroom is just a room. What I really wanted was for you all to suddenly reappear, and that fantasy seemed more likely if I was physically in the breakroom, because I associate you with that space, with the desks and the beanbag chairs and the kitchenette. And I could almost see it. See you.
Jon: But of course you did not come back. It was foolish to consider, really. A romantic notion.
Jon: I’ll keep reading and recording. I wish I could say doing this will lead me closer to finding you all, but. I don’t feel any closer than I was this morning.
Jon: I just don’t know what else to do.
Tim
Tim: idk how long it’s been
Tim: this high key sucks tho fr
Tim: my limbs are taking turns falling asleep and i do Not like it, it’s like endless pins and needles
Tim: i just wish i could sit up
Tim: itd also be great if i could stand, and maybe even walk around? you know, just for the record
Tim: @sasha when i get out of here i’ll do that weird hippie yoga vid you were telling me about, the one on that DVD you found stuck to the underside of a biscuit tin
Tim: @sasha @sasha @sasha @sasha
Tim: ive been looking at all the pictures and videos we took
Tim: like when we filled jon’s office space with those photos of elias, and we thought he was going to have a conniption
Tim: god that was classic
Tim: we did that three weeks ago. it feels like longer
Tim: it feels like so much longer
Tim: i changed my lockscreen. not that i dont adore the photo of jon falling asleep on marto’s shoulder but. you werent in it, so
Tim: now it’s the one where most of us were super drunk, and we had just gotten slushies, and i was swordfighting martin with my spoon, and jon was being all fake-annoyed, and you were looking at the camera like “god, these idiots”
Tim: that was one of my favourite nights
Tim: even if i was so drunk i barely remember it ;)
Tim: i havent moved forward in a while. it doesnt seem like there’s a point. i keep thinking i see a faint brightness just around the bend, but it’s never really gotten me anywhere
Tim: it’s so fucking narrow. if i go any further, i dont know how well ill be able to hold my phone
Tim: i dont know if ill be able to look at the pictures
Tim: i think ill stay in place for a while. i wont move and ill watch the videos one more time.
Tim: one more time, that’s it. just in case the tunnel gets too narrow when i go around the next bend.
Tim: just in case i wont be able to watch them again.
Wednesday, 4:31 am
Jon to Martin
Jon: I doubt this will work.
Jon: But I thought that maybe if I sent a direct message it would be less confusing. To the signals, or something. And maybe you’d see this and be able to respond.
Jon: If you get this, please respond, Martin.
Jon: No, this was
Jon: This was a stupid idea. It doesn’t make sense. Of course it wouldn’t have worked.
Jon: Unless you are receiving my messages and can’t send any back?
Jon: Either way, it doesn’t help me find you.
Jon: I have things I need to tell you, Martin.
Jon: But I want to say them in person. So you’ll have to come back at some point. And you’ll have to be okay.
Jon: If you aren’t okay, I
Jon: You have to be okay.
Jon: Maybe you’re asleep, wherever you are. Is that too much to hope for? That the reason you aren’t responding is so obvious and simple? God knows I should be asleep right now. But I couldn’t stop thinking. About statements and Elias and entities. And then I was thinking of you, and. Well. These messages are what came of that.
Jon: I was hoping to go on another walk with you, if you’d be amenable.
Jon: I’d even go right now, at half past four in the morning. If you showed up, that is. Of course, it’s dark and cold outside, and nothing’s open, but. I’d be happy to go anyway.
Jon: So let me know what you think, whenever you read this.
Jon: Sleep well, Martin.
Thursday, 5:09 pm
“Archival Assistants Retrieval”
Jon: I have been doing much of the same these past few days. At first I didn’t think I was getting anywhere. But I can no longer deny it. Reading the statements is having an effect on me.
Jon: They are still very difficult to get through, I don’t enjoy them. But Tuesday I read four, and yesterday I read seven.
Jon: Today I read fourteen.
Jon: I find myself pulled to read them, even though they are so intense and disturbing. My usual exhaustion after recording them has slowly been warping into something like dry rejuvenation, and it is addictive. I feel that I am approaching something. A decision. A switch. Something I cannot undo.
Jon: There is something I need that I cannot get from the statements. They aren’t...full, I suppose. They aren’t enough for me.
Jon: I have never seen Elias so insufferably cheerful. At least that means I am making some manner of progress, which is still not the most comforting thought. I just pray I’m headed in the right direction, and not further away from the truth.
Jon: I tried Knowing where you are, again. The wall is still there, but it does seem thinner. Easier to destroy.
Jon: And that is something.
Tim
Tim: i can hear water
Tim: like falling water
Tim: it’s distant but holy shit?? does this mean im back?
Tim: im moving forward again im going
Tim: it’s still getting narrower
Tim: jfc i almost dropped my phone
Tim: is anyone receiving these messages??
Sasha: tim?
Tim: sasha ????where are u ???
Sasha: i
Sasha: underwater pleas help
Tim: wait what?? what do you mean?
Sasha: h
Tim: sasha i cant get to you, im stuck in this tunnel. in the tube slide. at least it used to be the tube slide
Tim: please dont drown, swim as hard as you can, or call someone or
Tim: i cant get to you
Tim: im moving forward as fast as i can, but it’s not fast, it’s too tight. the sides are so rough, like gravel. i thought they were supposed to be smooth
Sasha: i miss y
Tim: god i miss you too, we’ll be all right, just
Tim: wait i cant hear the water anymore
Tim: sasha??
Tim: are you still there?
Tim: sasha?
Tim: ill keep moving, just hang on, just
Tim: im coming
Chapter End Notes
poor jon, poor tim :( they just want, respectively, to go on a walk with Martin, and to hang with the squad. such simple things, yet....they are Denied.
Also, I've found that smaller TMA Discord servers are always pretty cozy and fun, so I decided to make my own! It's a safe space to chat, to talk about your own creative projects with others, and to send art and fic recs and memes (and halloween plans!).
You can join here: https://discord.gg/G6XPzhY
Kudos are always loved, and comments are always read and responded to,,,,plus they just make me super happy, dang it!
You can chat with me @starryknightart on instagram <3
a poem from the bottom of the ocean
Chapter Summary
Jon makes a choice; Martin writes poetry.
Chapter Notes
Content Warning: (Claustrophobia, drowning, description of mild wounds)
This chapter gets pretty intense so just. Be prepared for that.
See the end of the chapter for more notes
Friday, 11:19 am
“Archival Assistants Retrieval”
Jon: I just met with the manager at Mx. Eberson’s park. I took his statement.
Jon: I didn’t intend to. I needed answers, and he wouldn’t tell me anything, he just kept pretending to be sympathetic. And I Knew he was hiding something. He had a story to tell, I could feel it. I needed to hear it.
Jon: I asked him, and he told me.
Jon: The details of how he came to work there aren’t important, but what I gleaned is that the water park is a front for the Buried. It isn’t quite a temple, like the Institute, but it still serves that Entity in much the same way.
Jon: So that is where you are. In the Buried. I can’t yet See exactly your position, but. I will be able to soon.
Jon: Taking a live statement is different than making a recording. It’s...better. It helps me understand, I think. To be honest, I feel more clear-headed than I have in days.
Jon: I’m so close to finding you. And I think taking live statements is the most efficient way to reach that point.
Jon: So that is what I will do.
Martin
Martin: poetry notes-
Martin: (sorry if anyone is receiving these
Martin: they’re just for my own sanity)
Martin: black ember/ash, floodgate lights (lanterns?)
Martin: thrum of endless waves, cold pressure, immense closeness
Martin: something about monotony, but also anticipation
Martin: anticipation is not dull
Martin: but after a while, it feels like a constant
Martin: sometimes you cant help it and your lungs twitch and you try to breathe in but
Martin: you suck in water, freezing water
Martin: and its so bad for a long time
Martin: because youre choking and you cant stop
Martin: but you just have to make yourself stop
Martin: even though it feels like your lungs are going to burst
Sasha: martin
Martin: wait sasha?? hi where are you? are you safe??
Sasha: no,
Sasha: can you helptim
Sasha: hes in the slide
Martin: oh god
Martin: no im underwater and i cant reach the surface, ive tried but
Martin: how are you texting me, are you safe
Martin: are you with jon
Martin: is jon okay
Sasha: no i
Sasha: m underwater too
Sasha: hrd to get air
Martin: oh no um
Martin: this sounds bonkers but
Martin: try..not to breathe?
Martin: at least. that’s. for me, it
Martin: if you feel yourself passing out, please disregard that!!
Sasha: no i
Sasha: it hurts so fucking much, in my lungs, but
Sasha: youre right, i can just be
Sasha: underwater
Martin: yeah it’s awful and it doesnt stop being awful but
Martin: it’s something
Martin: it’s so good to talk to someone sasha
Martin: do you know how long we have been here?
Martin: ive sunk so far, I can barely see the surface
Martin: and the pressure of the water is so
Martin: sasha?
Martin: are you still there?
Martin: no please dont leave me alone again please
Martin: sasha
Martin: ….maybe this means you got out??
Martin: i dont really think so but
Martin: i have nothing else here to hope for
Martin: im glad you might be safe
Martin: i hope you can get to tim soon
Saturday, 11:51 am
“Archival Assistants Retrieval”
Jon: I have been thinking about what Elias said. That I need to “accept the Knowledge.”
Jon: It could be utter nonsense meant to confuse me. But I don’t think so.
Jon: Yesterday I found two other people and I took their statements, and each time it felt like. I don’t know. It felt like I had the capacity to understand more, in general.
Jon: Before, when I tried to Know where you were, I lacked confidence. I resisted it. I still am, I think. Because I am afraid of what will happen once I make this decision. Once I break the wall.
Jon: But if I am going to find you, I have to give something up. I’m willing, I’m just.
Jon: I don’t think I’ll be the same as I was.
Jon: I hope you’ll forgive my hesitation. Giving up part of myself is...easier said than done. I’m not even sure how to go about doing it. But I’ll figure it out, sooner rather than later.
Tim
Tim: im so mad because i have slow ride stuck in my head, on repeat
Tim: i didnt even listen to it, it’s just that sasha said that was her guitar hero level
Tim: slow ride on easy
Tim: sasha if you can read this, i tried to get to you, i swear i did
Tim: i feel like i crawled for fucking hours
Tim: now it’s so narrow my arms are folded to my chest, my phone is right near my face
Tim: i think ive scraped all the skin off my knees and shins
Tim: infinite rug burn, except it’s rough sharp plastic or whatever
Tim: im gonna need some hardcore bandaid coverage after this
Tim: wait i hear water again
Tim: it’s different tho it’s like. underwater sea noises??
Tim: sasha do you read me come in sasha
Martin: tim is that you??
Tim: marto wtf where are you
Martin: um. not sure? in the water?
Tim: what does that mean??
Martin: im sort of. sinking. underwater
Martin: but it’s fine!!
Martin: i mean no. it’s terrible but im not drowning. im not dead
Martin: sasha said you were in the slide?
Tim: you talked to sasha??
Tim: yeah i am
Tim: wait im gonna try something
Tim: [sent a photo: A selfie. The light is very dim, but there is enough of it to see the prominent graininess of the tube slide’s walls. Tim’s hair is bedraggled, and his eyes are puffy and exhausted, but his expression is of forced coolness, as though he is only slightly annoyed at the situation. He has managed to raise one of his hands enough to fit a peace sign in the frame.]
Tim: im not vibing i can tell you that right now
Martin: oh tim
Martin: im so sorry this is happening.
Martin: im so sorry.
Tim: hey it’s not your fault
Tim: also can i
Tim: could i please see your face, like i really just
Tim: ive been looking at all our photos and itd be nice to see a new one
Martin: i can try
Martin: [sent a photo: A selfie. The light is blue, heavy, cold. Martin’s hair floats weightless around his face, which is distressingly pale and tinged blue in the light. He gives the camera a small, almost painless smile.]
Tim: god
Tim: you look
Tim: this is so fucked
Tim: but we’ll get out of this somehow, we will
Tim: marto?
Tim: it’s quiet again. you must be gone
Tim: thanks for the photo. although,
Tim: i thought it would make me feel better
Tim: and now im just
Tim: so fucking scared
Tim: my hands are shaking again, it’s so stupid
Tim: now that i see you there, in that photo, it’s more real
Tim: i know i said we’d get out eventually, but
Tim: i just
Tim: i'm really starting to think that we won't
9:39 pm
“Archival Assistants Retrieval”
Jon: I’ve been slowly chipping away at the wall. I think it’s about to go but. There is this last layer that just. Won’t budge.
Jon: Why can’t I make the leap? I am accepting it, whatever it is. Shouldn’t that be enough? What else do I need to sacrifice?
Jon: I have spent a week building up a tolerance to statements, researching, devoting all of my energy to this, so why isn’t it working?
Jon: Why can’t I
Jon: Oh. There is something I am not supposed to Know.
Jon: The Eye is hoping I will accept its gaze, just...because?
Jon: As in, without strings attached.
Jon: It wants me devoted to it, but not at the expense of my attention being diverted to anybody’s else’s needs.
Jon: It wants me to abandon you.
Jon: Well. If that is the case, I can still refuse it entirely.
Jon: Ah, it really doesn’t like that I Know this, I feel its frustration like a. Like a hot needle. It is very unpleasant.
Jon: Still, these are my terms of acceptance. I will accept, but not for myself.
Jon: Because I need you three. And the Eye must understand that.
Jon: I
J̵̋̇ơ̴n̶̑:̶̖͆ Ŵ̴͈a̶i̸̳̖͠t.̷
̸̰̮̕
̸̬̈́̋J̸̞́ö̵͕̭n̷̳̠̈́:̶̮̂͐ ̸̊ S̸̥͊͑ö̸͎́m̸̉é̵tḧ̶̨̦́̋i̴n̵̹̗͋g̴͋ i̷̅̂s̸̘̅̌
J̶̣͇̟̔̔̂́̌̅o̴͌n̷͋̂̃̌͝ :̷̗͑̇͂̈́͝͝ ̵̖̋̀̀̏̆Ǐ̵̪̖͖̼̭͂́̃͌̚ ̵͓̘̭̜̿̃S̴̫̙̀͒e̵̕ê̷̻̌̈́ ̶̩̘̓So̶̓̔͗͐̉m̸̌̍̕e̷̢͓͗̊̈́̅̂t̸̆͆͌̅h̴̥̯̙̼̔̅ĭ̵̳̬̲ṉ̶̡̟̞͋g̶̨͌
9:55 pm
Jon: I See you.
Jon: In relative terms, you’re in the shallows of the Buried. Martin, you’re deeper but. Still accessible. You’re going to be okay, I swear it. I Know how to bring you back, all of you.
Jon: Please hold on, just a bit longer. I’m coming.
11:13 pm
Jon: The park is closed, obviously. I had them call the manager, the one whose statement I took earlier. Needless to say, I’m currently walking toward the entrance.
Jon: The hall is completely vacant. It’s silent, and dark. “Spooky” as you would say, Tim.
Jon: I have an artefact in my bag. It is possible that I did not properly check it out from storage, but under the circumstances, I don’t exactly care.
Jon: It is a metal clip that once belonged to a parachute harness. It is influenced by the Vast, which is why I’m not touching it unless the situation requires it. I’m hopeful that bringing it into the space will loosen the hold that the Buried has on you.
Jon: Right, I’m here.
Jon: Christ, that is a strange sensation. The artefact seems to be interacting with the area. I feel simultaneously smothered and dizzy.
Jon: My phone is behaving oddly, as well.
Jon: Tim, I’m approaching the tube slides. If you feel a change, I need you to move as quickly as you can.
D̴̰̻̖͔̤̆͝ͅa̷̝̾͂̒̅͠d̵̍̄̅̏͝ḋ̴̨̡͍͕̝̞͖̆̓̓y̷̨̳̘̣̒̃̑ ̷̬̹̰̍͊̉̎͠t̵̢̟͖͌́͑̕ì̶̊̈m̴ĕ̶́͝͝:̷̢͔͈͎͔̉͝ͅ my phone is glitching outstill in the tube slidetheres always a bend hear your voicepressure in my headlooking at all the pictures and videosyou werent in itbarely remembertoo narrowtoo tighti miss you too, we’llare you stillill keep movingscraped all the skincould i please see your facequiet again. you’re goneso fucking scared
T̵͊i̶̔m̸̈́ t̷̕o̴̎ S̶͉͌a̸̦͐s̴h̶͂â̶̦
T̸i̶m̸: [sent a video: The upper half of Tim’s face is visible, as well as the top of the slide’s interior, which is now smooth plastic. Tim blinks at the camera, confused, before his eyes dart upward at a faint voice.
Tim: Is that––Wait, Jon? Jon!
Jon, muffled: Tim, can you hear me?
Tim: Yeah, yes, I can! Oh my god. Okay, hold on.
The frame shakes as Tim crawls quickly forward. Jon continues to call for him, his voice becoming clearer as the seconds pass. The space becomes lighter, the colour on the slide’s interior more vivid. Then, there is a blur of movement and a soft cry from Tim as he slips and splashes down into the pool. For a moment, the only thing visible is water and bubbles, and the sound is muted. Then, as Tim scrambles out onto dry ground, the camera breaks the surface and settles on a canted view of the waterpark, partially blocked by Tim’s scraped, bloody leg.
Jon: Christ, what happened? Your arms and––
Tim: Where’s Sasha? And Martin, are they out? Did you find them?
Jon: Ah, I was about to. You’re the first.
Tim: We need to get them, then, come on.
Jon: Yes, Sasha’s just over––
The video goes dark as Tim shoves his phone into his pocket. For a few seconds, there is only the sound of two pairs of pounding footfalls.
Jon: We should be in range by now, so if––]
“Archival Assistants Retrieval”
S̸͒ã̸̭ͅs̶̡̈́͝h̶̳̐ͅḁ̸̸͂͋ P̸̱͍y̸͇͋j̶̞̗͋͗ǎ̷̤͔̚m̶͍̪̀̄s̵̥̾:̷͉͇͑͐ plse h elpim tryingto escapesomebodyanybo dyunderwateri miss ycan you helptimhrd to get air it hurts so fucking muchbut youre righti can just be
S̶͉͌a̸̦͐s̴h̶͂â̶̦ t̷̕o̴̎ M̴̘̒̂a̷r̸̻̓̈́ẗ̵͔́i̶̛͓̩͐ñ̵̦̭̕
S̶a̸̦͐s̴h̶â̶̦: [sent a video: The camera is out of focus, underwater, in a small pool with the sound of thunderous raging water coming from above. Sasha’s kicking leg flutters in and out of frame. Suddenly, the thundering water ceases, there is the sound of two muffled voices, then a sharp splash. The camera jerks as Tim comes partially into view, then blurs again as it moves toward the edge of the pool. It breaks the surface, and the worried voices and sounds of water rippling are louder, crisper. Sasha is gasping and coughing and on the verge of hyperventilating. The camera clatters facedown onto the ground, snapping to darkness.
Tim: Hey, hey, it’s okay, just breathe, I’ve got you, just––yeah, in and out. Yes. Now a bit slower, in. And out.
Sasha, still breathing frantically and painfully, but slightly more controlled than before: Tim––You.
Tim: I’m here, shh, it’s okay, we’re okay.
Sasha: I thought––You were gone––Thought I’d never see you––see you again.
Tim: Can’t get rid of me that easy, ay?
Sasha, laughing breathlessly: God––Oh my god––You’re such an idiot––My best friend––is the dumbest person alive.
Tim: Someone’s gotta do it, right? Here, let’s stand––Oh, I’ll put your phone in my pocket. Important blackmail stuff on that thing.
The video goes bright for a moment before being shoved back into darkness.
Jon: Sasha, are you––
Sasha: Oh my gosh, Jon!
Jon makes a soft, startled noise, then: Ah, I’m––I’m glad you’re all right.
Tim: What, I don’t get a hug?
Sasha: You’re next.
Jon: Um, not that I’m not––Sasha, I need to go get Martin.
Sasha: Oh! God, where––Is he still––?
Jon, his voice growing fainter with his footsteps: Yes, you can stay there if you like, but I need to go to him.
Sasha: No, I’m coming. Tim?
Tim: Yeah, here, just lean on me––yep.
The slap of two pairs of bare feet on the hard floor continues beneath the rustle of fabric. Then it stops, and the only sound is Sasha’s strained breathing and the quiet lapping of the wave pool.
Sasha: Do you see him?
Tim, after a moment: Maybe we’re not close enough?
Jon: We’re close enough. It should work. It will work.
A long, tense pause.
Tim: Are you sure it’s close enough?
Jon: Yes, Tim, I’m sure , he should be––God, maybe he’s deeper than I thought, or––or––
Sasha: Martin, can you hear us? Martin!
Tim: Marto, come on, buddy! Boss, what’s––?
Jon, over the noise of stiff canvas fabric and a zipper: Maybe if I bring out the artefact, if I––? There. Right, I’m holding you, you useless thing, now work .
Another long, tense pause.
Jon, softly: Why won’t you work?
Tim, under his breath: Come on, Martin. Please.
Sasha: Jon, what are you––?
Jon grunts with effort, and after a brief silence, there is a small splash.
Tim: You threw it in.
Sasha: This can’t be happening.
Tim: Where the hell is he? Martin! Martin!
Jon, panicked: I don’t understand. He’s close, he’s right there . I Know he is. This is supposed to work!
Sasha: It worked with us, why isn’t it––?
Tim, frantic: Wait, wait, wait, guys, look over––]
“Archival Assistants Retrieval”
M̵̼͍̐å̸̧͇ř̴t̴̟̓ö̴̳̘́ ̴p̶̄o̶̪͒l̶o̷̟͆͝:̴̻́͒͗ cant breatheits been so so longgetting coldergetting darkereverything hurtshope youre okayhard to focus wheni have things i need to tell youcold pressure, immense closenessyoure choking and you cant stopi cant reach the surfacesafe with jonis jon okaysinkingim so sorryi can try
M̷̱̚a̴͊r̷͇͐t̵̯̎ī̸ͅn̸̕ to J̸͇̒̍̕ǫ̷n̴̐:̶̿
M̷̚a̴r̷t̵i̸n̸̕: [sent a video: The only light is what filters through the fabric of a pocket, the only sound is the quiet burbling of water. Then the stillness breaks with the sound of several voices and of clumsy splashing, getting louder, closer. Something jostles the camera, allowing it to peek out from the pocket. As the seconds pass, the bottom of the pool slopes upward until it is directly below the camera. Legs frantically shuffle around, stirring up the water into white froth, before the camera finally breaks the surface, giving a slanted view of the edge of the wave pool and of Sasha’s shins.
Tim:—alive but not breathing, I’m going to do CPR.
Sasha, half-crying: Oh my god, Martin.
Jon: Martin, you’re going to be fine, just—just breathe . You’re here, you’re out.
Tim: He’s not responding. Fuck.
Sasha: Keep trying, Tim.
Tim: I know, I am. Not giving up on you so soon, Marto. And it’s only slightly because I can’t live without your tea.
Jon: Tim, wait. I’m...going to try something.
The audio crackles and the video warps, and Jon Asks: What is your name?
After only a brief pause, there comes the sound of Martin gasping and spitting up water, and in between enormous breaths he rasps: Martin—Blackwood.
Jon: Christ.
Martin, struggling to catch his breath: Ah—oh! Um, wow, hi to you too, Jon!
Tim: Everyone’s getting hugs, everyone but me.
Sasha: That’s an easy fix!
Tim, laughing, voice now muffled against Sasha’s shoulder: Finally, I get the affection I deserve, it only took diving into two pools and giving Marto the kiss of life.
Martin: Oh, wait, really?
Tim, voice still muffled: I mean yeah, you weren’t breathing, I wasn’t just going to do nothing. Jon did his Spooky thing, though. He’s the one who got your lungs working.
Martin: Jon, you—?
Jon: Mm. Yes.
Martin: Are you—Not that I’m complaining, but are you going to let go of me and talk about this?
Jon: No.
Martin: I can’t imagine this is comfortable, I’m probably pretty cold and wet.
Jon, his voice raw: Martin, I don’t honestly care.
Martin: Oh! Um. Okay then! That’s—that’s okay. (Relaxing further): That’s okay.]
Chapter End Notes
That was the angstiest chapter that will exist in this fic, so good job on getting through it, seriously. Things will be lighter from here on out! The "comfort" part of hurt/comfort is coming soon :)
Kudos are always loved, and comments are always read, responded to, and reread probably five times throughout the day.
You can chat with me @starryknightart on insta <3
recovery
Chapter Summary
The assistants try to get some sleep.
Chapter Notes
Content Warning: description of an anxiety attack
When will I no longer need CWs for this fic? which is supposed to be so fun and fluffy?? Who knows.
We are now exiting pure hurt territory and will soon enter comfort. But before that, we must traverse the purgatorial plane that is TRUE hurt/comfort, in equal measure...
See the end of the chapter for more notes
Sunday, 12:36 am
Tim to Sasha
Tim: where are you??
Sasha: I thought you were asleep !
Tim: i was but i woke up and you were gone
Sasha: God, I’m sorry tim . I’m in the other room, don’t worry . I just wanted to talk to jon .
Sasha: We were gone for a week, apparently .
Tim: huh
Tim: felt more like a month
Tim: maybe because we didn’t sleep? more time to be aware of how much everything sucks
Tim: which is part of why i fell asleep the second we got back to the rooms
Sasha: Which is a Problem because we haven’t bandaged you up yet !
Tim: eh they’re all scabs by now, none of my various scrapes are actively bleeding
Tim: they do sting like a motherfucker tho
Sasha: Tim we should at least sanitize them .
Tim: yeahh i know. im up anyway, ill go do that
Sasha: Good ! And by the way, jon said that the thing that took us doesn’t have influence over the hotel, only the water park . so we should be completely all right for the night .
Tim: honestly i would’ve slept on the ground outside and i wouldnt have cared
Tim: at least there’s open space outside
Tim: and fresh air
Sasha: Having access to air, fresh or not, is definitely a plus .
Sasha: Ok jon is making a diagram of Spooky things, it’s looking pretty complex, I don't know if I'm awake enough to handle this right now .
Tim: he cant help himself
Sasha: I know . Also, I noticed that jon and martin have pushed their beds together ? And I was wondering if we could do that too .
Sasha: I don’t really want to be alone again . Not right now .
Tim: no me neither
Tim: why dont you just come sleep in my bed? it’s not like it’s small, there’s plenty of room
Sasha: Sure, although “plenty of room” is a bit contrary to the point ! :)
Tim: ok fair but what i mean is that neither of us is going to push the other person onto the floor just by turning over
Tim: also i take up a lot of space when i sleep, you know this
Sasha: It’s true, you look like a flying squirrel .
Tim: so you’ll have the space to escape my limbs, wherever they may sprawl
Sasha: Haha I don’t think any bed is large enough for that !
Sasha: But anyway . Thank you .
Tim: hey, it’s no problem
Tim: this is helping me too
Tim: if i can open my eyes at any time and see that youre safe, thats a huge weight off my shoulders
Tim: (literally and figuratively)
Tim: actually now that youre going to be sleeping Right There, im gonna uhh hop in the shower, for everyone’s benefit
Sasha: Yes, please do .
Sasha: When you were asleep earlier, I tried to shower but um
Sasha: It was too hard . With the water running over me . The sound of it especially .
Sasha: So I sort of cupped water from the sink to get my arms and face ? But fair warning that I still smell like a walking bucket of chlorine .
Tim: thats understandable sash
Tim: dont worry about it at all
Tim: youve smelled a lot worse :)
Sasha: RUDE
Tim: remember when you were tracking down that statement giver,
Sasha: I knew you were going to bring this up, I just knew it .
Tim: and she had a bad hoarding problem, so when you went to confront her, there was all this rotten food lying around, and you slipped and fell into a puddle of expired milk
Sasha: The expressions everyone made when I returned to the Institute were unforgettable, they still haunt me .
Tim: before you even reached the breakroom, jon marched in and asked, genuinely, if something had died in the vents
Sasha: I had to trash everything I wore that day. The smell refused to wash out ! It was tragic . That was such a cute cardigan :(
Sasha: Anyway, jon’s diagram is finished now, so I’ll be back in after he’s given me all the details .
Tim: ok see u in 8 years then
Sasha: Ha .
3:29 am
Sasha: Are you okay ?
Tim: im so sorry did i wake you up
Sasha: Not really . I mean I woke and I noticed you were gone, but the bathroom light was on, so I figured you were fine, and I was about to go back to sleep .
Sasha: But I didn’t hear you moving around or anything . And it’s so quiet in here . And of course my half-awake brain supplied me with the idea that you had passed out or something .
Sasha: So I was listening hard to try and dispel that idea and
Sasha: I heard you crying .
Sasha: I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to invade your privacy . But I wanted to let you know I’m here if you need anything, if you want to talk about it .
Tim: it’s just a lot. there’s a lot
Tim: and it’s so stupid
Sasha: It’s really not, tim . We’ve been through something horrifying, and you have every right to have emotions about it .
Tim: i know, im not saying
Tim: i mean, that’s not the stupid part
Tim: i dont want to make you feel bad, because it’s not your fault, at all, it’s my fault for overreacting
Sasha: You won’t make me feel bad, okay ? Let me know what’s bothering you .
Tim: like i said, i overreacted
Tim: i woke up and you were sort of cuddling me, with your arms around me, which is fine, and normally that would be awesome because you give great hugs and everything
Tim: but it felt. tight
Tim: and i felt like i was back there
Tim: it was easy enough to move your arms away, but the feeling wouldnt go away, the feeling that there was this awful, increasing pressure, and i sat up to breathe but the room was so dark, just like it was in the tunnel, and i stood up to try and walk it off but the feeling just kept getting worse and worse
Tim: i went into the bathroom and turned the light on. that helped for a little bit, but my chest just felt so fucking tight. and i kept thinking what if? like what if jon had never found a way to get us out? what if martin had drowned? what if the artefact hadnt brought you back? what if none of this was real, and i was still in the slide, hallucinating that i got to escape, that everyone was safe and alive? and any second i would snap back to reality, to that dark, silent tunnel and id be alone again, forever? what if what if what if
Tim: what if i never got to see you again, sasha? it could have happened! we’ve read plenty of statements with far less happy outcomes than ours. we got so lucky. if jon hadnt been able to get access to a very specific, very rare supernatural object, we would have been stuck there, and we never would have gotten out
Tim: so
Tim: thats why im having an existential breakdown on the bathroom floor
Sasha: First of all, you’re not overreacting .
Sasha: I just heard you laugh like I’m lying but it’s true, everything you’re worrying about is real . Those things could have happened . But they didn’t, and it isn’t helpful to freak yourself out over awful hypotheticals .
Sasha: What is important is that you are safe, I am safe, Martin and Jon are both safe . We are all here, together, and for the moment things are okay .
Sasha: I’m really glad you told me what set you off, because now I’ll be more conscious to keep out of your personal space . Please always tell me if I make you uncomfortable in any way .
Tim: sasha you know that normally i love when you invade my personal space, you are basically a co-owner of my personal space. it’s just that right now, it’s different, and i wish it wasnt, but it is.
Sasha: I know . And it’ll probably be different for a while, but that doesn’t mean you have to completely isolate yourself .
Sasha: I can just hold your hand when you come back ? If that would be better ?
Tim: yeah that might be ok. i really hope it will be. i want to hold ur hand :(
Tim: i do feel less shitty now, which is good
Tim: thanks sash
Tim: ill be back in a minute, let me just. make myself less of a wreck real quick
Sasha: It’s okay, take your time . I’m not going anywhere .
11:41 am
“walk walk fashion baybee”
Hackergirl: You’re all back home, right ?
Teaboy: yeah!
Flyguy - Resident Hero: yep
Hackergirl: So...what are we thinking about what Jon told us over breakfast?
Flyguy - Resident Hero: the part about how the world is a feeding ground for fear monsters and we work at a temple to one of them? or the part about how we should take a week off due to trauma?
Hackergirl: The second one .
Teaboy: i just feel like he’s going to use our absence to do some self-destructive nonsense :( did you notice how he was acting this morning?
Flyguy - Resident Hero: yeah, he looked almost guilty,,,idk why?? he’s the one who saved our arses
Flyguy - Resident Hero: which, btw
Flyguy - Resident Hero renamed the group “we lived bitch”
Flyguy - Resident Hero changed his name to Tubed
Tubed changed Hackergirl ’s name to Waterfelled
Tubed changed Teaboy ’s name to Sunken treasure
Waterfelled: Oof...too soon .
Tubed: wdym it’s been like half a day
Waterfelled: Martin’s nickname is cute though !
Tubed: it’s because he’s a gem ;)
Sunken treasure: aw! <3
Sunken treasure: ok but what do we do about this week?
Waterfelled: You’re probably right about Jon, which means we need to take some preventative action .
Tubed: aka smother him with attention and love
Sunken treasure: ooh he’s gonna hate that :))) especially since he isn’t expecting us to show up at all!
Waterfelled: Let’s brainstorm for a second. What are all the unhealthy things Jon has probably been doing in the past week
Tubed: not sleeping
Sunken treasure: not eating :/
Waterfelled: Not taking any breaks .
Sunken treasure: being too hard on himself!!
Tubed: i doubt he left the institute very much
Sunken treasure: it’s also possible that when he next sees us, he’ll try to emotionally distance himself again??
Waterfelled: Yes to all of this . Now we just have to counteract each one directly, and we should be golden .
Tubed: jon did not know what he was getting himself into with this group. we Do Not Allow you to treat yourself poorly
Sunken treasure: forceful friendshipping :D
Waterfelled: The not eating and self-isolating can be fixed easily enough, but what about the others ? Even if we get him to leave for the night, he might just continue working at home .
Tubed: sasha it’s obvious
Tubed: we let him stay at the institute
Waterfelled: ?
Tubed: and we host a week-long slumber party
Waterfelled: Ah, there it is .
Sunken treasure: that sounds so ridiculous but so fun!! :)))
Tubed: ngl it’s also for me, because i am home alone right now and i Dont Like It
Sunken treasure: ...same :/
Waterfelled: Yeah, I keep expecting something bad to happen . And no one would be around to know if it did ...
Tubed: exactly. obviously, having a mega-sleepover is the only option
Sunken treasure: anything i should bring? :0
Tubed: cards and whatever games you think would be fun. cards against humanity, uno
Sunken treasure: if we can find a screen to set it up with, i do have a wii
Waterfelled: There is a functioning TV in artefact storage, and I know this for a fact because when I worked in that department, I was supposed to examine and catalogue it, and those were the most peaceful days of my career at the Institute .
Tubed: please,, explain why someone gave us a normal tv
Waterfelled: An elderly gentleman had watched The Grudge with his grandkids, and the next day he heard his TV making “weird sounds,” then managed to convince himself that a creepy dead girl was going to crawl out and kill him .
Waterfelled: It turned out to be a problem with the sound system but, well . He didn’t want it back .
Tubed: that’s so fucking funny what
Tubed: marto which games do you have
Sunken treasure: mario kart, just dance, zelda, a few of the lego adventures, like star wars, harry potter, etc. and um, some fighting ones
Tubed: fightingones
Tubed: martin what fighting ones
Tubed: m a r t i n what fi
Sunken treasure: well they’re not specifically for fighting but you do use weapons a lot
Tubed: marto im begging u please
Tubed: what games are these i need to know i
Sunken treasure: um
Sunken treasure: silent hill, resident evil
Waterfelled: You work at the Magnus Institute...yet you want more horror in your life ?
Sunken treasure: it’s kind of nice sometimes!! because it’s not real, so it’s just. fun, you know? you don’t have to worry about your actual safety.
Sunken treasure: sometimes if i cant sleep ill just play it :)
Tubed: wait wait you cant sleep so you sit in the dark, alone, at 2 in the morning, and you play some of the scariest video games of all time?? and that helps????
Sunken treasure: ...yes?
Tubed: what do i do with this information
Sunken treasure: i mean you could try it for yourself? at the mega-sleepover :)
Tubed: jfc i think the fuk not
Tubed: sasha hes trying to permanently give me insomnia
Sunken treasure: i would never!
Waterfelled: Your sleep paralysis demon is just Martin, standing over your bed with a wii controller in hand, saying over and over again, “Let’s go play Silent Hill.”
Tubed: chills
Sunken treasure: im just shaking my head, i dont even know what to say.
Tubed: it’s because you know we’re right
Waterfelled: Ok if we’re doing this, I need to pack some things, and also I need to see if I have anything fun to bring !
Tubed: bring your weighted blanket so that we can wrap jon up like a burrito
Waterfelled: Will do !
Sunken treasure: i need to gather some things as well - but before that, i was just thinking
Sunken treasure: if we technically have the week off...does that mean when we go into work, we arent actually obliged to do anything?
Sunken treasure: meaning we can spend all our time working on our Spooky To-Do List (like researching elias)?
Waterfelled: Oh my god you’re right .
Tubed: hot damn
Tubed: i am so thankful for you and your galaxy brain
Sunken treasure: happy to help!
Sunken treasure: oops hang on, jon is texting me.
Jon to Martin
Jon: Are you feeling any less sick today? I didn’t get a chance to ask earlier.
Martin: oh no please dont tell me i woke you last night :( throwing up water is. not lovely ambiance.
Jon: Actually, I slept through that. But it’s easier to Know things now, even if I’m not actively searching for an answer. So this morning the information was all too happy to enter my mind.
Martin: ahh im so sorry that doesnt sound pleasant.
Jon: Martin, there is absolutely no reason for you to apologize. If anything, I should be the one apologizing. You were alone, in the middle of the night.
Jon: I wish I had woken up. I could have sat with you, had I known. Or helped or just. I don’t know. I should have done something.
Jon: You have already been through something incredibly difficult. You deserve to have someone care for you.
Jon: Take care of you.
Jon: Is what I meant.
Jon: So please don’t hesitate to let me know if you need anything, however silly it may sound.
Martin: that’s really really decent of you jon, thank you so much
Martin: i still am glad you did not wake up to witness me being sick, but. i get what youre saying. i would have wanted to help as much as i could if it were you
Martin: or anyone, i mean. if the roles were reversed.
Jon: Understood.
Jon: And do keep me updated. I won’t be seeing you or the others this week, so it would be helpful to hear how you all are doing.
Martin: wont you just spookily Know it? :))
Jon: I won’t be “spookily” doing anything, thank you.
Jon: And I suppose I may Know generally how you three are, but I’m going to try and resist, if resisting is actually possible. I don’t trust the Eye.
Jon: And in any case, I’d rather hear about it from you.
Martin: well dont worry, i think youll be hearing from us plenty this week :) maybe more than you bargained for.
Jon: Nonsense. None of us bargained for any of this. The least I could do is listen. And assist, if needed.
Martin: you really have changed, you know.
Martin: in a good way.
Martin: and to be clear im not talking about any weird supernatural stuff, i mean. just.
Martin: you, jon. you have changed.
Jon: My initial instinct is to reply with “It’s good to hear my efforts at becoming less of a prick are paying off” but
Jon: At this point, it’s not even that.
Jon: You were gone. You three. And I had a lot of time to think. And
Jon: Well. Anyway. It’s not important.
Jon: I’m assuming you’re back home, so I’ll let you get settled. Like I said, let me know if you need anything.
Martin: okay. and thank you again. for everything, not just the support, but for getting us out. for not giving up on us.
Jon: Of course.
Jon: Take care, Martin.
Chapter End Notes
Yeah so the worst thing the buried did was prevent tim "physically affectionate" stoker from enjoying cuddles from his favorite person.
Hmm Jon and Martin pushing their beds together? I wonder how that conversation went. :)
Kudos are always appreciated, and comments are always read, responded to, and filed away into my own personal archive of Things That Bring Me Such Joy.
You can chat with me @starryknightart on insta <3
forceful friendshipping
Chapter Summary
The assistants return to the Institute--Jon highly disapproves.
Chapter Notes
finally,,, no content warnings :')
enjoy <3
See the end of the chapter for more notes
Monday, 7:49 am
“Archival Assistants Retrieval”
Jon: You are all on your way here. I Know it. You’re supposed to be taking the week off.
Daddy time: it do be like that
Jon: What.
Sasha pyjams: We /are/ taking the week off, Jon ! We’re just choosing to spend our free time at the Institute .
Jon: Why...would you do that?
Marto polo: innocent reasons :P
Jon: Hm.
Daddy time: do you want a hint ;)
Jon: I’m almost afraid to ask for one.
Daddy time renamed the group “there’s no ‘i’ in magnus but there is an ‘us’ <3”
Jon: Oh no.
Daddy time changed his name to Self-care supervisor stoker
Self-care supervisor stoker changed Sasha pyjam ’s name to Nurse James
Self-care supervisor stoker changed Marto polo ’s name to Martin “Go to sleep or I’ll put you to sleep” Blackwood
Jon: Why are you doing this.
Self-care supervisor stoker changed Jon ’s name to Unhealth
Self-care supervisor stoker: it’s inescapable, our friendship
Unhealth: I understand you are trying to be helpful but I will not tolerate you returning to the Institute right now. This is for your own good.
Nurse James: Hm . I’m unconvinced . I feel fine, what about you guys ?
Martin “Go to sleep or I’ll put you to sleep” Blackwood: im all right!
Self-care supervisor stoker: i fucking love trauma it wakes me up better than caffeine
Unhealth: This is not. Entirely about your psychological recovery.
Martin “Go to sleep or I’ll put you to sleep” Blackwood: ...what do you mean?
Unhealth: I don’t really know how to talk about this but. When you were gone, I had to do things. I changed, and not for the better.
Nurse James: We read the texts you sent, we know how much you sacrificed for us, and we are so appreciative !! So can’t you let us take care of you in return ?
Unhealth: Not everything is in the texts.
Unhealth: I feel that I may be dangerous now. That I could lose control. I’ve recently been experiencing strong inclinations to do certain things that are morally reprehensible. And I am not ashamed to admit that I am afraid of what I may do to one of you.
Martin “Go to sleep or I’ll put you to sleep” Blackwood: um. what sort of things? maybe they aren’t as bad as you think they are?
Unhealth: I keep thinking about taking live statements. Which doesn’t sound terrible, I realize. But please understand that when I take them, I Take them. I find innocent people, and I force their story to spill from their lips. I force them to relive that terror. And I now Know that reliving it causes the event to stay with them for the rest of their lives. Each night they dream about the most horrifying moment they have ever experienced, and even in the midst of this, they see /me/, and are reminded of the moment their trauma became permanently solidified in their nightly existence.
Martin “Go to sleep or I’ll put you to sleep” Blackwood: ok so that’s maybe a bit bad
Martin “Go to sleep or I’ll put you to sleep” Blackwood: but you won’t do that to any of us. because... you just won’t! you have self-control, and you care about us, and that’s all you really need right? i felt completely safe around you before, and i still do
Self-care supervisor stoker: so maybe you’re a Spooky eldritch trauma muncher like? yeah? and?
Nurse James: Yes to all of the above, plus, we made a deal which involves not leaving you alone in the building with Elias, and that is even more important now that we know he’s for sure up to some crazy bullshit nonsense .
Unhealth: Did none of you read what I just wrote!? I am a monster! I crave fear! I psychologically scar people, permanently! You will not come here, and try to take care of me or whatever you’re planning, because I do not deserve it. What I do deserve is to be kept locked in the archives so that I don’t harm anyone else, and if Elias has to put me down, then so be it.
Self-care supervisor stoker: hey boss
Unhealth: What.
Self-care supervisor stoker: wanna play a quick game
Self-care supervisor stoker: it’s called Odds
Self-care supervisor stoker: marto help me show him how it works
Martin “Go to sleep or I’ll put you to sleep” Blackwood: tim what are the Odds you won’t wear any bright colours for the next week
Self-care supervisor stoker: 1 of 20
Self-care supervisor stoker: 3
Self-care supervisor stoker: Bet Bot: 19
Self-care supervisor stoker: see how it works
Unhealth: Did you not just type that in?
Self-care supervisor stoker: no the bot is connected to my phone so that’s how it shows up
Martin “Go to sleep or I’ll put you to sleep” Blackwood: yup that’s right!!
Nurse James: Yes, that is how it works .
Self-care supervisor stoker: do another one to convince him it’s fair
Nurse James: Martin what are the Odds you’ll tell Elias he’s a thot .
Martin “Go to sleep or I’ll put you to sleep” Blackwood: omgg 1 of 10 he doesn’t even know what that means
Martin “Go to sleep or I’ll put you to sleep” Blackwood: 5
Self-care supervisor stoker: Bet Bot: 1
Nurse James: Aw darn !
Self-care supervisor stoker: see if it were me typing that i wouldnt have had the willpower to decline such an opportunity
Self-care supervisor stoker: ….well boss?
Unhealth: What is the question?
Self-care supervisor stoker: nope you have to agree first
Unhealth: Fine.
Self-care supervisor stoker: what are the Odds you will let us take care of you? as in, you have to do what we, the health professionals, say for this whole week?
Unhealth: 1 of 5000
Martin “Go to sleep or I’ll put you to sleep” Blackwood: D:<
Unhealth: 3296
Self-care supervisor stoker: Bet Bot: 3296
Martin “Go to sleep or I’ll put you to sleep” Blackwood: :D
Self-care supervisor stoker: there you have it!
Unhealth: What the fuck.
Unhealth: No, I’m not doing this.
Self-care supervisor stoker: yes you are, you played the game, you’ve got to go by the rules !
Unhealth: This is preposterous.
Nurse James: We won’t be that bad ! We mostly know what we’re doing .
Self-care supervisor stoker:obv all three of us went to med school ;) i personally know so much about uhhh cells
Unhealth: Don’t you understand I am worried about what I could do to you??
Martin “Go to sleep or I’ll put you to sleep” Blackwood: eh ive had worse
Nurse James: Martin oh my goodness
Self-care supervisor stoker: im deceased
Self-care supervisor stoker: marto’s really out here,,not caring about any single thing
Martin “Go to sleep or I’ll put you to sleep” Blackwood: i do care about a single thing! actually 4 single things because all of us are single ;)
Self-care supervisor stoker: that sentence decked me in the jaw
Nurse James: What can we do ? Martin holds too much power .
Self-care supervisor stoker: is this,,,news to you?
Nurse James: No I just felt like reiterating .
Nurse James: Anyway, Jon, we’re almost there so you should mentally prepare yourself for a week of pampering !
Unhealth: At this point I don’t know what to say that would make you change your minds. Just, please, if I start to do something, do not hesitate to defend yourselves.
Self-care supervisor stoker: what are the Odds you’ll stop talking about yourself like you’re a rabid squirrel
Unhealth: I’m not doing this game again.
Unhealth: And that is not how I’m talking about myself! I’d simply rather not curse one of you to relive your trauma every night, just because I’m feeling peckish. I don’t think that is an unreasonable concern.
Nurse James: You’re right . It’s understandable . But we’re still going to smother you with affection, and dammit, you are at least going to tolerate it !
Martin “Go to sleep or I’ll put you to sleep” Blackwood: we brought food anyway, and you wouldn’t want that to go to waste :/
Self-care supervisor stoker: marto cooked some of that food jon, he made it just for you, with love
Unhealth: You really shouldn’t have, Martin.
Martin “Go to sleep or I’ll put you to sleep” Blackwood: well I did, so! it’s too late >:)
Martin “Go to sleep or I’ll put you to sleep” Blackwood: also i know that back in the texts you sent while we were gone, you were hoping to go for another walk and. i’d really like to do that again, jon, if the offer still stands? we don’t have to go at 4:30 in the morning, but we can if you want! I really wouldn’t mind :)
Unhealth: Well. Hm.
Self-care supervisor stoker: you’ve probably been lonely with only bitch man elias as company so we can hang out whenever you want, and if you really want some space that’s cool, we can just be in the breakroom with the door open so you can hear our voices
Unhealth: I suppose...
Nurse James: We aren’t going to make you go home either . You can sleep at the Institute, but you won’t have to worry about getting murdered because we’re going to be there too, all throughout the week . We felt that sleeping with each other nearby would help us feel safer after our incident, and we think that it will benefit you in the same way .
Unhealth: If that will help you heal, so be it. Even if it is a bit ridiculous, wanting to sleep at the institute.
Self-care supervisor stoker: uhhh you say that, yet
Unhealth: I realize that sounds hypocritical.
Unhealth: Well. I’m not getting into this again, I feel like a broken record.
Unhealth: What I wanted to say is that I appreciate the lengths to which you are trying to help me, even if I am hesitant to allow it.
Martin “Go to sleep or I’ll put you to sleep” Blackwood: you deserve it jon, truly, and you’re not allowed to say you don’t! because that would be an awful, terrible lie!!
Nurse James: You should get used to the feeling ! Especially since we’re going be more intense than normal this week, and yes that is a threat <3
Unhealth: ...Fine. Do your worst, I suppose.
Self-care supervisor stoker: oh we will ;)
8:38 am
“we lived bitch”
Waterfelled: That was so cute . And sad . Like finding a kitten in a box on the street and giving it a bowl of milk .
Tubed: catboy jon
Waterfelled: Tim do not be like this right now I am begging you please .
Tubed: ;3 nyah
Waterfelled removed Tubed from the group
Sunken treasure: :0
Waterfelled: He can come back when he has thought about his actions .
Waterfelled: Anyway, I don’t think I have ever seen Jon look so beaten down, yet happy ? He is just a walking bundle of stress and self-detriment but for the moment he seems to have accepted the fact that we genuinely care for his well being, even if that acceptance comes from being mentally exhausted.
Sunken treasure: we really wore him down before getting here! and yeah did you see the expression on his face?? i wanted to cry it was like. just so hopeful? like he finally let himself open to the idea that there are people who love him and are here for him?
Waterfelled: Yes exactly ! He really liked those muffins you brought too :)
Sunken treasure: yeah :)) it’s so nice to see him actually, truly enjoy something for a change
Sunken treasure: especially something that i made!! that makes it even better haha
Waterfelled: If it comes from you, Jon is more likely to enjoy it and that’s a fact !
Sunken treasure: ...are you sure it’s not the opposite??
Waterfelled: Okay, I know he is (was?) extra hard on you but I don’t think there’s any substance behind it, he’s just grouchy and a perfectionist and it’s easier to pick on one person than three . I do think he’s beginning to realize how much of a jerk he’s been to you, though .
Sunken treasure: he definitely has, he actually talked to me about it recently? he said to tell him if he was being “unduly harsh” lol
Sunken treasure: but he really hasn’t, since then. which is nice :)
Waterfelled: Must be something magical about those walks alone together…
Sunken treasure: ahhhh sasha noooo!!! :0
Waterfelled: Just joking ! Although while we’re on the subject, do you think you’re going to tell him today ? Or are you going to wait a bit ?
Sunken treasure: oh i dunno, it’s um. it’s harder to think about doing that, now that it’s...today, you know. if we go for a walk i might. i’ll have to gauge what mood he’s in? i dont want to spring this on him if he’s already upset :///
Waterfelled: Hey, what do you mean “already upset” ! He’s not going to be mad at you for expressing your feelings, martin . But you do have a point . It would be better to have the conversation if both of you were in a good headspace .
Tim to Sasha
Tim: let me in, let me innnnn
Sasha: Hm . Why should I ?
Tim: since u and marto are off scoping out the institute for potential sleepover entertainment, im here on jon protection duty, and i have News
Sasha: Dammit .
Waterfelled added Tim to the group
Tim changed his name to Tubed
Tubed: i am losing my mind, i am grinning like a madman, jon just went OFF on elias
Sunken treasure: elias came in?? what did he do???
Tubed: well i think he was planning on being all smug about jon munching trauma? but he only got in about half a sentence in before jon completely cut him off and said (word for word i stg, my memory is Perfect): “If you’ve come to gloat, I don’t care. If you have professional business, it can be sent in an email. To be blunt, Elias, unless you’re going to answer my questions, I don’t care about what you have to say, and I don’t care what you think about my progress or about my assistants’ sudden reappearance, so if you’d be so kind as to get the hell out of my office, I would be very, very grateful.”
Tubed: you could just see elias’s dumb smirk slowly fade away
Tubed: he said something snooty to jon afterward but he still left almost immediately after, like,,,elias kNEW he’d picked the wrong fucking day to do this shit
Sunken treasure: jon omggggg :))
Waterfelled: Jon is FED UP . Elias is cancelled !
Tubed: elias was always cancelled tho let’s be honest
Sunken treasure: ...maybe we should get back at him :)
Tubed: SKSJF YES
Waterfelled: Guys I just overheard chatter about how one of the printers keeps printing out duplicates, which means a ton of paper has to be shredded ...
Waterfelled: Paper shavings are so frustrating to pick up, don’t you think ?
Tubed: you are a queen, a legend
Sunken treasure: bring us the paper!!
Sunken treasure: also with the extras we can cut out some snowflakes maybe?? i remember that being really fun :))
Tubed: wAIT MARTO u just gave me the best idea im sdjfsdfsb
Tubed: u know the movie elf
Tubed: u know how he just fuckin,,,covers every inch of the store and his dad’s house with xmas decorations
Sunken treasure: i am. SO excited for what is about to happen
Waterfelled: Tim you are redeemed for your earlier slip-up
Tubed: uwu i couwd cwy teaws of joy >w<
Waterfelled: Don’t push it stoker .
10:53 am
“there’s no ‘i’ in magnus but there is an ‘us’ <3”
Unhealth: I hear quite a bit of laughing coming from the breakroom.
Self-care supervisor stoker: oh u thought we were working today?? lmfao
Unhealth: If you aren’t working, then what are you doing?
Self-care supervisor stoker: things
Unhealth: Right.
Self-care supervisor stoker: here i’ll show you
Martin “Go to sleep or I’ll put you to sleep” Blackwood: tim if you send the video i’ll fight you!!! i swear i will!!!!
Self-care supervisor stoker: haha aw <3
Self-care supervisor stoker: [sent a video: Sasha and Martin both sit on the floor in front of a dusty television, which displays the Mii Creator screen. Sasha is in the middle of adjusting her new Mii’s hairstyle. As the wii theme song plays, both of them absentmindedly move their heads and shoulders to the beat. At some point, through some unspoken signal, a smile creeps onto both of their faces as they begin to improvise some sort of dueted choreography.]
Tim to Martin
Tim: jsyk i peeked in and jon was smiling soooo much while watching the vid
Martin: :’)
Martin: im still going to fight you though!! :0
Tim: *slides glasses so they glint like in an anime* so be it
“there’s no ‘i’ in magnus but there is an ‘us’ <3”
Unhealth: I’m glad you’re entertaining yourselves, at least.
Self-care supervisor stoker: oh we are,,,@sasha what’s the update on paper shavings
Nurse James: I am back to scouring the Institute and I can honestly say I think we’ve collected most of it . But I’ll check again later in the day so we can get the scraps !
Unhealth: Paper shavings?
Self-care supervisor stoker: oh yeah we’re getting back at elias on your behalf
Unhealth: Ah, right. You overheard that.
Self-care supervisor stoker: yes,,,and it was iconic
Martin “Go to sleep or I’ll put you to sleep” Blackwood: tonight we’re putting paper shavings all over his office! you can help if you want :))
Unhealth: Not that I don’t wholeheartedly approve of this, but you need to be careful around Elias. We don’t know what he is capable of.
Self-care supervisor stoker: dont worry boss we’ll do it after hours! even if he is Spooky Watching during the day,,idk why hed be doing that in the evening? on a random monday? like?? he’s gotta have sOME other obligations after work, besides being the Worst
Unhealth: Fair enough.
Unhealth: He did actually send a followup email in which he whined about the fact that I left the artefact of the Vast in the deep end of the wave pool, and he had to send someone to collect it. It is truly incredible how he so readily complains about getting somebody else to do his dirty work.
Unhealth: I would like to assist in this prank.
Nurse James: Haha yes jon ! :)
Martin “Go to sleep or I’ll put you to sleep” Blackwood: the more the merrier!! also im about to put the kettle on so you all should let me know if you’d like a cuppa :)
Nurse James: Of course !
Self-care supervisor stoker: u think i wouldnt??
Unhealth: That would be very greatly appreciated.
Nurse James: We’ve gone too long without your tea, martin . Especially jon ! He was at the Institute all those days ! Tea-less !
Self-care supervisor stoker: now im just imagining jon at his desk, head propped up in his hands, staring wistfully, “when will i get martin’s tea? how can i go on until then??”
Unhealth: I’d like to think I wasn’t quite so dramatic.
Self-care supervisor stoker: so you admit it?? you did something like that????
Unhealth: No.
Nurse James: Hmm ...
Unhealth: I am finished with this conversation.
Self-care supervisor stoker: he’s backtracking because i hit the nail on the head, he knows it, we all know it,
Nurse James: It’s true !
Self-care supervisor stoker: it’s because he loves marto
Self-care supervisor stoker: ‘s tea
Self-care supervisor stoker: i hit send too early ;)
Self-care supervisor stoker: @boss you cant hide, we all know you’re a ho for his tea
Martin “Go to sleep or I’ll put you to sleep” Blackwood: tim why. why do you have to say it like that :///
Self-care supervisor stoker: because i personally am a ho for your tea is that a crime??
Martin “Go to sleep or I’ll put you to sleep” Blackwood: ..no
Self-care supervisor stoker: and sasha is too, so the logical conclusion is that jon is as well
Nurse James: He’s more dignified than you, thus rather than a tea ho, he is a tea enthusiast .
Nurse James: But only for Martin’s tea of course ! A martin’s tea enthusiast .
Self-care supervisor stoker: let’s just shorten it then ;)
Self-care supervisor stoker changed Unhealth ’s name to Martin Enthusiast
Self-care supervisor stoker: my work here is done
Martin Enthusiast: You have not done any work today, at all.
Self-care supervisor stoker: and i will continue to not. hence, my work here is done
Sasha to Tim
Sasha: Don’t think I didn’t notice that little “i hit send too early” bit .
Tim: oh don’t worry i knew you’d notice
Sasha: How hard is Martin blushing right now ?
Tim: just glanced into the kitchen. his back was to me but his ears are a deep, deep red
Sasha: You are such an arse <3
Tim: ;)))
12:00 pm
“there’s no ‘i’ in magnus but there is an ‘us’ <3”
Nurse James: Hey Jon it’s time for your mandatory lunch break !
Martin Enthusiast: What?
Nurse James: Yep, come spend some time in the breakroom with us :)
Martin Enthusiast: I can eat at my desk, it’s more efficient.
Self-care supervisor stoker: but the rules of our agreement,,,,
Nurse James: I remember something about doing everything we say for the week ?
Martin Enthusiast: Right. How long must I be on break?
Nurse James: An hour .
Martin Enthusiast: That is entirely unnecessary! Thirty minutes.
Martin “Go to sleep or I’ll put you to sleep” Blackwood: we have more for you to do than just eat your lunch so, don’t worry!! it will be a fun break!!
Self-care supervisor stoker: boss the longer you stay in there,,,the longer we’re waiting to start the timer on that hour
Martin Enthusiast: Christ. Fine. Although I’m not sure I’m going to enjoy whatever you have planned.
Nurse James: Wow, so grumpy .
Martin “Go to sleep or I’ll put you to sleep” Blackwood: you should allow yourself a little fun jon! you’ll like it :))
Nurse James: And no work is allowed at the family table ! Don’t think I don’t see you gathering up files in there .
Martin Enthusiast: Worth a shot.
Martin Enthusiast: Anyway, I’m coming.
Self-care supervisor stoker: finally!! let the pre slumber party bash commence ;))))
Chapter End Notes
jon: i have never done anything right in my life and i deserve no kindness nor charity
the assistants: yOUd bETTER sTOPNot sure the trio really understands the extent of jon's transformation but uhh. they mean well. and they'll find out the truth...eventually.
@everyone who comments (and generally everyone who has read this far???) i love you
Kudos are always appreciated, and comments are always read, responded to, and reread whenever im feeling down about my writing :')
you can chat with me @starryknightart on insta <3
santa claus: avatar of the eye
Chapter Summary
Martin does some analysis; Tim and Sasha discover new, important information.
Chapter Notes
*throws fluff like confetti*
See the end of the chapter for more notes
Monday, 1:07 pm
“there’s no ‘i’ in magnus but there is an ‘us’ <3”
Martin “Go to sleep or I’ll put you to sleep” Blackwood: we told you you’d have a fun lunch break! :))
Martin Enthusiast: I suppose you were right. I did not expect all of that.
Self-care supervisor stoker: we aim to shock, to dazzle,,,, to please ;)
Nurse James: Everyone spam your photos so tim will get distracted away from sending discomfiting innuendos .
Self-care supervisor stoker: oh, the fact that you think this will defeat me?? laughable
Martin Enthusiast: Christ.
Martin “Go to sleep or I’ll put you to sleep” Blackwood: [sent a photo: Jon sits at one of the work tables, its surface completely covered with cut-out bits of paper. He rubs deeply at his temples, half in dismay, half in embarrassment. With his free hand he holds up a paper snowflake, which appears to be riddled with eyes of varying sizes. To his left, Sasha continues working on her snowflake, tongue just barely poking out from between her teeth. To Jon’s right, Tim looks straight into the camera with an expression of mock fright, clearly mouthing the word “Spooky” and wiggling his fingers ghoulishly.]
Martin “Go to sleep or I’ll put you to sleep” Blackwood: [sent a video: Mariah Carey’s “All I Want For Christmas” blasts in the background as Tim and Sasha do some sort of swing-salsa-ballroom dance hybrid in the center of the breakroom. It involves spinning and dipping and careening into chairs and tripping over each other’s feet.]
Nurse James: [sent a photo: A selfie - only the upper half of Sasha’s face is visible. Behind her, the others distractedly eat their lunch, more focused on whatever discussion they are having than on their food. Tim is gesturing and grinning, a word half-formed on his lips. Jon stares at him with incredulity, his fork frozen, forgotten, halfway to his mouth. Martin watches Tim with a small confused smile as he reaches for his tea.]
Nurse James: [sent a photo: Tim tries out Martin’s paper fortune teller - a cootie catcher - by pointing to a certain section of the boxy contraption.]
Nurse James: [sent a photo: Martin reveals Tim’s fortune with false sympathetic eyes. Tim’s jaw has dropped as far as it can possibly drop.]
Nurse James: [sent a photo: Martin, wearing a surprisingly impish expression, shows the camera Tim’s “fate” handwritten within the cootie catcher - “Peter Lukas thinks you’re flirting with Elias, so he comes and beats you to death with a bit of rigging.”
Nurse James: [sent a video: Tim sits back in his chair, his feet propped up on the table, his face suspiciously turned away. As the intro to Eartha Kitt’s “Santa Baby” plays, the video slowly zooms in. Then, just as the lyrics begin, Tim turns to face the camera, lip-syncing with an expression and mannerisms which are over-the-top coquettish. Stifled laughter comes from out of frame as Tim winks and bats his eyelashes, bites his lip, and drapes himself even further over the chair. The longer this goes on, the more seductive the performance becomes, and the less Tim’s audience is able to hold back their giggling––even Jon can be heard chuckling softly.]
Martin Enthusiast: [sent a photo: Martin holds up two origami human figures. The first one has an evil smile drawn on with marker, his eyes green, his eyebrows a V. On his torso, he is labeled: Bad Spooky Boss. The other figure has a more neutral, serious expression. A black square “tape recorder” is taped to his palm. He is labeled: Good Spooky Boss.]
Self-care supervisor stoker: christmas in july? pff, nah, christmas in april, that’s where it’s at
Nurse James: Can we acknowledge the fact the martin is the king of origami and paper crafts ??
Martin Enthusiast: Acknowledged.
Martin “Go to sleep or I’ll put you to sleep” Blackwood: aww! thanks guys :))
Self-care supervisor stoker: it’s high key impressive,,,what he can do with paper
Self-care supervisor stoker: what he can do with those hands ;))))
Martin Enthusiast removed Self-care supervisor stoker from the group
Nurse James: Thank you, I didn’t want to have to do that twice in one day !
Martin Enthusiast: ...Do I want to know what he did the first time?
Martin “Go to sleep or I’ll put you to sleep” Blackwood: nope!! jon! no you do not!!
Martin Enthusiast: I didn’t expect so.
Martin Enthusiast: Anyway. I’m going to get back to work now. There is much to do, as usual.
Nurse James: Ah yes, recording some more statements I’m assuming ? :)
Martin Enthusiast: Um. No, actually.
Martin Enthusiast: I haven’t been. Doing that.
Martin Enthusiast: It’s somewhat of an experiment. To see if I can train myself out of them, completely. Maybe I can give them up. It would be better for everyone if I could.
Martin “Go to sleep or I’ll put you to sleep” Blackwood: do you um. do you really think that’ll work? not because i think it wont! i really really hope it does, jon, it’s just. i dont exactly fancy the idea of you potentially hurting yourself? or getting sick?
Martin “Go to sleep or I’ll put you to sleep” Blackwood: so um. are you sure this is the best course of action?
Martin Enthusiast: I don’t have much of a choice.
Martin Enthusiast: I’ll be fine, Martin. It’s just a test.
Martin “Go to sleep or I’ll put you to sleep” Blackwood: yeah. i mean, i guess so.
Nurse James: I will Hesitantly allow this...but if you start to feel bad you need to let us, the professional caregivers, know so that we can help you !
Martin Enthusiast: Noted.
Nurse James: Good .
3:12 pm
Tim to Sasha
Tim: whats new with the snooping
Sasha: It’s not snooping ! It’s personalized research .
Tim: how goes the finding-out-everything-about-elias research
Sasha: Not great . I feel we may have already hit our peak today with uncovering Peter Lukas’s e-mail and the address of Elias’s old roommate from uni .
Sasha: How is that going by the way ? Or I guess both of those things ?
Tim: lukas hasn’t emailed me back yet, but that’s not surprising, based on who he is as a person. im a bit relieved he hasn’t,,, believe it or not, i don’t exactly want my cootie catcher fortune to come true
Tim: as for the other thing, the roommate isn’t home yet so marto and i are on a stakeout
Tim: anyway the most important things on my mind are none of these
Sasha: Oh ?
Tim: first of all, you know that origami Good Spooky Boss martin made? well when i went into the archives to look for more statements on eye stuff, i saw it on our dear boss’s desk ;)
Sasha: That’s really cute actually !
Tim: i just asked martin if he knew about this and his whole face went pink so im guessing Not
Tim: speaking of marto, we have a conspiracy on our hands…
Sasha: Ok yes I am very very interested, give me the details, right now .
Tim: you know earlier when marto had a playlist of this boppin piano music playing in the background while we were doing stuff
Tim: so i asked him for the link bc i like it a whole lot and he was like,, Oh i dunno, i might not be able to find it again, dunno where it was
Tim: and i said he could just peek at his search history and he was STILL like no it was uhh not a playlist, just a bunch of recommendeds on youtube
Tim: which is a LIE and everyone knows it
Tim: so if you could uhhh do the honours
Sasha: Tim, I’m not hacking into Martin’s computer ! That’s impolite .
Tim: but,,,
Sasha: Nope .
Tim: ok at least give me your theory on what he’s hiding
Sasha: The “playlist” was actually a livestream of a famous pianist who faked their own death and now exists solely to give concerts to those in the know . That’s why Martin doesn’t want you looking - you’ll never find any trace of a piano playlist….because it never existed….
Tim: yeah that’s definitely it
Sasha: Glad you agree .
Tim: oops roommate’s back time to grill him
Sasha: Good luck ! Ask him for embarrassing stories about elias .
Tim: as if i wouldnt ;)
4:01 pm
Tim: on our way back. not much luck, although we did learn that elias was a huge pothead, which is a bonus
Sasha: ???
Tim: nothing about psychic powers tho
Sasha: Aw no ! Well, good effort :(
Tim: more important is not the past, but the future…
Tim: wait add me back to the gc this is important
“there’s no ‘i’ in magnus but there is an ‘us’ <3”
Nurse James added Tim to the group
Tim changed his name to Self-care supervisor stoker
Self-care supervisor stoker: xmas movie marathon tonight, all in agreement say aye
Nurse James: Aye !
Martin “Go to sleep or I’ll put you to sleep” Blackwood: aye :)
Martin Enthusiast: Aye.
Self-care supervisor stoker: ok good we were going to do it whether or not everyone agreed
Self-care supervisor stoker: everyone put in your faves and we’ll narrow it down
Martin “Go to sleep or I’ll put you to sleep” Blackwood: any of the classics, like miracle on 34th street, winter wonderland, and the rankin bass ones (rudolph, the year without a santa claus) are so nostalgic :)
Self-care supervisor stoker: elf, christmas vacation, home alone,,,
Nurse James: Of course you’d pick the comedies .
Self-care supervisor stoker: what do you take me for,,,,a sap?
Nurse James: Perhaps .
Self-care supervisor stoker: ….damn you’re right i love the hallmark ones tho
Nurse James: I know .
Nurse James: Don’t ask me why but the Santa Clause franchise is something I consistently enjoy .
Self-care supervisor stoker: that’s because you've got the hots for jack frost
Nurse James: Tim omg that’s . Not true . Anyway, besides, he’s only in the third one and i like all of them .
Self-care supervisor stoker: sure
Self-care supervisor stoker: jon, lemme hear it
Martin Enthusiast: This may sound childish but I have always thought that The Polar Express was fascinating. It is surprisingly dark, and there are many questions left unanswered, which adds to the haunting atmosphere of the tale, in my opinion.
Self-care supervisor stoker: also hot hot hot hot chocolate
Martin “Go to sleep or I’ll put you to sleep” Blackwood: also found family :)
Nurse James: Are we just going to ignore the fact that the plot of this movie could be taken directly from a statement ?
Nurse James: “When I was a child, a train appeared out of nowhere and lured me onboard, where I joined dozens of other children. Within a few hours, we had traveled across landscapes that did not exist in my area, including a frozen lake, vast wilderness, and jagged mountains. We barely escaped with our lives. Ghostlike entities fed us refreshments. Another ghost took me skiing on the roof of the train, then chased me with a marionette. Eventually we arrived at the North Pole, where I got lost and almost fell into a bottomless void, then spiraled down an immense gift-sorting contraption into an impossibly large bag. Santa Claus gave me a bell, after which I woke up in my bed, on Christmas morning. I never saw any of the other children again.”
Self-care supervisor stoker: hot hot hot hot chocolate
Martin “Go to sleep or I’ll put you to sleep” Blackwood: analysis time, the conductor belongs to the distortion, and the train is his hallway
Martin “Go to sleep or I’ll put you to sleep” Blackwood: billy, the boy who lives in that cold dark house and sits by himself at the back of the train? a victim of the lonely
Martin “Go to sleep or I’ll put you to sleep” Blackwood: flattop tunnel is a domain of the buried, the lake is a domain of the vast, the train car with all the marionettes is a domain of the stranger,
Martin “Go to sleep or I’ll put you to sleep” Blackwood: the train tickets that end up describing the individual truths of their owners? a ploy of the eye. santa claus also serves the eye - the most important thing he does is ask the main character what he wants for christmas...
Martin “Go to sleep or I’ll put you to sleep” Blackwood: the north pole is a mix of the lonely (the empty streets), the vast (the abyss), the distortion (the gift funnel), and the stranger (the elves)
Martin Enthusiast: Ah. So you’ve seen this movie.
Martin “Go to sleep or I’ll put you to sleep” Blackwood: once or twice yeah
Tim to Sasha
Tim: im begging u, what does jon look like right now
Sasha: I’m checking through the window hang on .
Sasha: He has his eyebrows up in that way he does when he’s genuinely impressed by something .
Tim: if he didnt want martin before, god,,,,he does now
Tim: his inner monologue is just , “damn...a man who can Analyze...”
“there’s no ‘i’ in magnus but there is an ‘us’ <3”
Nurse James: We can decide which movies we are watching once tim and martin get back . I think it’s safe to say that Polar Express will be one of them, though .
Self-care supervisor stoker: good,,,the only part i remember is, you guessed it, the hot chocolate scene, so everything you described in the “statement”, sasha? plus what marto just said? sounds absolutely wild. what is this, dark christmas willy wonka?
Martin Enthusiast: That’s a fairly accurate way to describe it, yes.
Self-care supervisor stoker: what
Martin to Jon
Martin: hi jon, would you want to go on a walk after the movie marathon? or maybe between movies, as a break?
Martin: it doesn’t have to be tonight, if you don’t feel up to it.
Martin: but i do need to talk to you.
Martin: i mean um. i have specific things to talk to you about, specifically. not just generally.
Jon: Yes, I have been meaning to discuss some things with you, as well.
Jon: I think I’ll take you up on your offer. Although I may not be at my most energized, depending on what time we end up going.
Martin: ahah me neither, im not expecting to get a full night’s rest, especially not after watching polar express with the Entities in mind
Jon: It is rather unsettling. Perhaps we can watch that first, followed by something a bit more light-hearted.
Martin: yeah, that’s probably for the best :)
8:19 pm
Sasha to Tim
Sasha: If I send you photos of something incredible, are you going to be able to keep a neutral face
Sasha: If you laugh, Martin is right next to you on the couch, and he is going to look and see what you’re laughing at .
Tim: ok i was wondering why you were smirking, but you had your computer turned away, and i was about to pester you because you’re missing the best parts of elf (which is all of them)
Tim: but yes i can handle it
Sasha: Terms of the deal, you stop prodding my side with your foot, you know im ticklish there !! I stg, just because I’m sitting on the floor ,
Tim: ok fine ill stop, even though it’s hilarious when you screech like some demented barn owl,,,
Sasha: I can’t help it ! But anyway - a deal is a deal ….
Sasha: [sent a photo: A professionally taken picture, clearly from the official website of a renaissance festival. At a wooden booth decorated in feathers, streamers, and tiny glass jugs of glitter that hang from delicate chains, Martin leans on the counter, smiling and chatting with a huddle of visitors. While the visitors are dressed in modern clothing, Martin is in full costume, sporting a heavy emerald cloak over a beige tunic. Elf ears emerge from the waves of his hair, which is much wilder and curlier than usual.]
Sasha: [sent a photo: Another picture taken from the website, this time more of a close-up. Martin sits across from a young girl, who is dressed as a Princess Aurora. The girl sits primly on the stool, eyes shut. Martin steadily paints swirls of blue and pink bursting from the corner of her eye, traveling up to her temple and down again, swooping across her cheek in thin calligraphic loops. Martin himself wears a beautiful green design near his eye, as well as a speckling of glitter across his cheeks, which catches the light and emphasizes his freckles.]
Sasha: You look insane right now, I hope you know .
Tim: i havent said a word, i havent made a sound, i havent moved a muscle, i am Coping
Sasha: Your eyes got so big, immediately . Also I know you’re trying not to smile but you are failing spectacularly and it’s really suspicious.
Tim: yo i am doing my best, this is prime material and you know it
Tim: dkjflhgdf i know i just snorted but i thought of something and i couldnt stop myself
Tim: coincidentally, we just happen to be watching Elf
Tim: HA, now you couldnt resist smiling
Sasha: Ok that’s actually perfect, I will admit it .
Sasha: But anyway, I have other news ! I did a bit of research and found out that there’s a Renaissance festival coming up in May ...
Tim: YES. GOD YES.
Tim: i need to unleash my inner Victorian
Tim: holy shit costumes sahsa we can get costumes we can get c
Tim: character design????
Tim: im Gonna be a hot witch
Sasha: If you don’t stop bouncing your leg I’m going to lose my mind .
Sasha: Please include a shirt in your outfit ?
Tim: no
Tim: what are you gonna be??
Sasha: A witch hunter .
Tim: sasha! >:o
Tim: our battle shall be legendary
Sasha: We can probably sword fight at the festival so .
Tim: oooohohohho you’re going down
Sasha: Bet
9:41 pm
Jon to Martin
Jon: Is there a problem?
Martin: ahh im so sorry for making you wait, i realized the forecast is looking rainy so i was searching for an umbrella just in case
Jon: We’ll probably be fine. There are dark clouds to the east but none overhead.
Martin: oh are you outside already?
Jon: Yes, it was stuffy in the lobby. But the air is cool out here, if a bit wet. It’s nice and dark.
Martin: spooky :0
Jon: On second thought, I’ve changed my mind, this walk is canceled.
Martin: im. pretty sure youre joking? please tell me you are.
Jon: I am. Despite your usage of my least favourite word.
Jon: I do make jokes, for the record, yet everyone is always so surprised.
Martin: to be fair, your humour is very dry, so it’s hard to tell sometimes? also i dont want to accidentally laugh at something that is very much not a joke.
Jon: Hm. Maybe I’ll do a signal. Whenever I make a joke, from now on, I will give a thumbs-up.
Jon: Before you ask, yes, that was in itself a joke.
Martin: pff ok good :)
Martin: well the umbrella is nowhere in sight, i guess we’ll have to risk it! be there soon
Jon: Right. Take your time.
Martin: ?
Jon: What?
Martin: oh, i guess just. well. youve always been very prompt about getting things done?
Martin: and i mean, youve been waiting for me for nearly ten minutes now. but you dont mind?
Jon: Well it’s. Um.
Jon: To be frank, I don’t know how this conversation is going to go. With what I have to tell you.
Jon: I’m expecting the worst, so. Waiting is fine. Things won’t change while I am waiting here. Things can remain safely as they are.
Martin: whatever you have to tell me, im not going to think any less of you, if that’s what you’re worried about. i promise, with all my heart.
Jon: I believe that you will try.
Martin: well. not good enough! believe that i will.
Martin: honestly, i think my thing tops yours this time. i think mine will be the thing that wrecks it all. no matter what freaky eldritch secrets you have.
Jon: My topic of discussion is not actually related to my current “freaky eldritch” situation, as you suggest. It’s worse, somehow.
Jon: And don’t be daft, almost nothing you could say could be so destructive.
Martin: yea it’s the “almost”
Jon: It’s not.
Jon: Mine is.
Martin: ok this is getting ridiculous, im coming up there and we are going to walk and we are going to be adults, and. we’re going to say what we have to say and then we’ll be done with it. yes??
Jon: If we must.
Martin: all right then. good. great.
Martin: see you in a minute
9:54 pm
Tim to Sasha
Tim: marto left his computer unlocked ;)
Sasha: I leave the room to stretch my legs for ONE second,
Tim: dont worry you’ll love this, even if it means your conspiracy theory has been debunked
Tim: ok first of all our boy has a blog
Tim: and all of it is just,,,Aesthetic
Tim: picture this, a cozy site full of lo-fi vibes, poetry (in cute cursive font), vintage photos,,,
Tim: and a playlist of about twenty videos of a certain somebody playing the piano ;)))
Sasha: Tim are you telling me that Martin is the secret pianist ??
Tim: come back and i’ll do you one better, i’ll show you Evidence
Tim: wait i found a Double Secret playlist, he did nOT show us this one
Tim: holy shit
Tim: it’s more piano videos except instead of soothing, he’s just fucking,,,going ham, i did not know punk rock piano existed??
Sasha: I am speedwalking .
10:48 pm
Tim to Martin
Tim: sasha told me not to bug you but im a strong independent bisexual
Tim: so uhh just checking in since it’s been a hot second, and i think it’s starting to rain,,,you’re not back in the buried or anything?
Martin: dont worry im okay! we’re heading back now.
Tim: ha sick
Tim: since ive got you here,, when were you gonna tell us you’re a master pianist???
Tim: i demand a concert??
Tim: ok and when did you start playing, and how did you specifically learn all these cool punk piano songs like??
Martin: i will answer these when i get back but im a bit preoccupied right now so
Tim: ooooooooOOOoo are you two ;)) you know ;)))) holding hands ;)))))))
Martin: t i m
Martin: not even going to answer that! i will see you when i get back!
Tim: (¬‿¬)
Tuesday, 2:57 am
Tim to Sasha
Tim: just woke up with Realizations that i cannot forget, i know you’re asleep and everyone’s asleep but you can read this when you wake up ok so
Tim: jon and marto were definitely hiding something when they came back, like,,,something had changed while they were out. bc they were soaked from the rain but they seemed weirdly happy, even jon?? and their whole energy was,, different idk
Tim: just looked over and theyre both asleep on the couch rn and they arent like,,, cuddling, but they’re Close and
Tim: when i asked marto if he and jon were holding hands he didnt deny it?? he just deflected my question?? am i reading too much into this??? you’re the theorist, tell me if im wrong
Tim: wow im suddenly dead exhausted, wonder why
Tim: have fun reading my barely coherent rant about our two mutually pining coworkers first thing tomorrow morning ;)
Tim: also, off-track, but now im just thinking
Tim: it’s good for us all to be in the same room. after the water park, u know.
Tim: i mean, it feels safer than being alone at my flat. It feels better. with you near me.
Tim: anyway.
Tim: that’s all i guess. im about to pass right back out. so.
Tim: see you tomorrow sash.
Tim: love u.
Chapter End Notes
oh, it's october you say? hm. well. the christmas season is Always, so.
....what do you think jon and martin talked about on that walk....? :')
EDIT: I forgot to mention this but martin's aesthetic blog and piano prowess both come from the mind of my friend @spaghetti_plays_guitar on insta....they are a genius.
Kudos are always appreciated, and comments are always read and responded to, because--like I say every chapter, since it's TRUE--they bring me So Much Joy. some of them legitimately make me clutch my heart like im fucking,,having a heart attack
(Speaking of which, there are like...1500 comments on this thing and it actually blows my mind?? I did not expect this fic to get more than like. 100. So?? Thank you so much???)
You can chat with me @starryknightart on insta, or on the discord, which is incredibly chaotic and a lot of fun! https://discord.gg/aqXeZa2
caffeine and candy corn
Chapter Summary
Sasha lets a secret slip; Jon and Martin plot revenge.
Chapter Notes
some of this chapter is so painfully fluffy that i legitimately considered cutting it out but then i thought,,,hm, no i dont think i will
See the end of the chapter for more notes
Tuesday, 8:41 am
Sasha to Tim
Sasha: I’m out getting coffee, do you want something ?
Tim: every drop of caffeine, ever
Sasha: I’ll see what I can do !
Sasha: Also I screenshotted your messages from last night because they made me smile. I love you too, idiot .
Tim: d’awwww ;’)
Sasha: As for your speculations, I have no idea if Jon and Martin are a thing now, however I wouldn’t be surprised . I feel like it’s been a long time coming . Plus you’re right, their energy was definitely different when they came back from their walk yesterday !
Sasha: Are they awake yet ?
Tim: yeah i was the last one up, big surprise
Tim: i need my beauty sleep, there’s so much to maintain ;)
Sasha: Oh so you missed it then .
Tim: .i
Tim: i missed wha t
Sasha: The cutest thing I’ve ever seen .
Sasha: [sent a photo: On the couch, Jon and Martin are still asleep. During the night, they have shifted positions, and now Martin lies along the couch, on his back, with Jon curled up against him. Martin’s arm is draped around Jon, cuddling him close, and Jon has his head rested on Martin’s chest with his top arm slung across Martin’s stomach.]
Tim: marto is literally Right Here and i almost had a heart attack trying not to react
Sasha: Did you succeed in not reacting ?
Tim: no
Tim: he asked me what i was grinning at and i panicked?? and i said uhh just kinky shit u kno
Sasha: Ah yes, cuddling, the smuttiest of the smut .
Tim: well it worked!! he was no longer interested in seeing my screen ;)
Tim: also i am So tired still. Wanna do caffeine shots with me
Tim: i may have also brought a fukton of sugary shit for moments like this
Sasha: Caffeine AND sugar ??? Sure .
Sasha: I don’t want to be of sound mind if Elias comes in and starts telling us off about decorating his office with paper snowflakes (and filling his desk with shaving cream, which was a great last-minute addition !)
Tim: he's neVER going to get all of it out
Tim: he can complain about the shaving cream but if he even Tries to tell me he doesn’t like the snowflakes??? he shall receive Immediate Death
Tim: we worked so hard on them!! and they look stellar
Sasha: We should have kept them . Elias doesn’t deserve our artistry !
Tim: u got that right
9:12 am
“there’s no ‘i’ in magnus but there is an ‘us’ <3”
Self-care supervisor stoker: heyyy boss
Self-care supervisor stoker: did marto tell you he’s a piano legend
Martin “Go to sleep or I’ll put you to sleep” Blackwood: tim. why.
Self-care supervisor stoker: your legend status deserves to be shared!!
Martin Enthusiast: I was not actually aware of this. Martin, you play?
Martin “Go to sleep or I’ll put you to sleep” Blackwood: um yeah, a bit. it’s really not a big deal.
Self-care supervisor stoker: um?? marto?? what??
Martin “Go to sleep or I’ll put you to sleep” Blackwood: i dunno what you want me to say! it’s not a big deal, it’s never come up in conversation in the past, it’s. like. yes? i play the piano sometimes? :/
Nurse James: It appears that I have to speak for the both of us now, as tim is utterly despondent, he literally has his face in his hands . I don’t blame him ! Martin is underselling himself to an extent that is ...frankly ? Upsetting .
Martin “Go to sleep or I’ll put you to sleep” Blackwood: yeah where even are you guys? i am very much by my lonesome in the breakroom :(
Self-care supervisor stoker: boss, go keep marto company, you coward!
Martin Enthusiast: I’m not the one who left him in the first place.
Nurse James: Tim just keeled over again .
Nurse James: Sorry we abandoned you martin !! We’re outside the institute if you want to join us, but we figured you wouldn’t want to since we’re drinking c*ffee .
Martin “Go to sleep or I’ll put you to sleep” Blackwood: i honestly feel more cheated about you drinking That than about anything else >:0
Martin “Go to sleep or I’ll put you to sleep” Blackwood: and it’s okay, im just making it so that all of my piano videos are set to private now :))
Self-care supervisor stoker: i cant believe this
Self-care supervisor stoker: if only i had downloaded every single one of them when i got the chance
Self-care supervisor stoker: oh wait!
Martin “Go to sleep or I’ll put you to sleep” Blackwood: no. you didnt. tim you did not
Self-care supervisor stoker: [sent a video: Martin sits at a grand piano in a small, cozy room. The ceiling drips with twinkling fairy lights, speckling the polished wood of the piano with starry blips and throwing an uneven glow across Martin’s form. He places his phone on the stand, next to the sheet music, then pulls an earbud into one ear. After a few seconds, he begins to play, his fingers landing softly on the keys, yet with practiced precision. Then the melody picks up, both in speed and in dynamics, and Martin throws his hands across the piano, bobbing his head to the rhythm, a grin spreading over his face like a wildfire. Nobody is watching, and he wouldn’t care if they were, anyway. He is having the time of his life. He is in his own little world. He plays like this until the song’s finale, which is raucous, complicated, and beautiful.]
Martin “Go to sleep or I’ll put you to sleep” Blackwood: i feel i have been. attacked
Self-care supervisor stoker changed Martin “Go to sleep or I’ll put you to sleep” Blackwood ’s name to The Piano Man
Nurse James: This is my favourite video of all time .
Self-care supervisor stoker: im never watching anything else ever. just this, on repeat, until i die
Martin Enthusiast: Martin, that is extremely impressive. I only wish I’d known about this earlier.
The Piano Man: noo stop guys, i cant be properly mad when youre all acting so nice :(
Self-care supervisor stoker: then dont be mad and start,,giving us a concert. problem solved! ;)
The Piano Man: there’s no piano in the archives!!
Self-care supervisor stoker: @boss can you uhh get on that thx in advance
Martin Enthusiast: Perhaps you should look into it, Tim, since some of us are working this week. Thank /you/ in advance.
Nurse James: If jon keeps this up, tim isn’t going to live for much longer . The destruction to his ego is taking its toll .
Self-care supervisor stoker: i think i hear an angelic choir! singing to me,,,,it sounds so beautiful!!!
Nurse James: Actually I take it back, his cause of death is going to be: consuming an uncountable quantity of caffeine shots as well as half a baggie of expired candy corn .
Self-care supervisor stoker: just because you and i both lost count! doesnt mean it’s uncountable!
Self-care supervisor stoker: also you cant judge me, you finished off the rest of the candy corn, plus you’re hoarding the most sugary stuff like,,,some sort of sweets dragon
Nurse James: Yeah ? And what of it ?
Self-care supervisor stoker: oh, nothing. it’s not like you get crazy sugar rushes or anything, which im definitely not looking forward to at all ;)))))
Nurse James: Um . No comment .
The Piano Man: maybe we should break out one of the wii dance games. i mean, to help you both burn off some energy?
Self-care supervisor stoker: yes yes yes yes yes yes
Self-care supervisor stoker: id do that anywa but yse
Self-care supervisor stoker: youre all going dOwn
Self-care supervisor stoker: unless we’re doing a team effort in which case we’re all goign uP
Self-care supervisor stoker: on a Tuesday
Self-care supervisor stoker: wait it’s actually tuesday!!! like the song! holy shit guys!!
Self-care supervisor stoker: jon youre joining! or else!! i want to see your moves, boss. wait,,your -boss moves- !! ahhhh it’s perfect , so many things are perfect
Self-care supervisor stoker: i hope there are good dance songs, i mean,,,,prolly since it’s a dance game but sometimes the songs are still shite u know. slow songs in dance games?? it happens!!!!
Self-care supervisor stoker: marto can u check. the sonksg
Self-care supervisor stoker: lmk if there’s shakira shakira ;)))
Nurse James: ...Wii dance it is .
11:12 am
“we lived bitch”
Tubed: i have never wanted to take a shower more in my life
Tubed: im so glad we dragged stefan down from the second floor to make sure elias doesnt commit a hit and run on jon while we’re gone,,i look forward to cleansing myself with full peace of mind
Waterfelled: Yeah agreed !
Waterfelled: Also are you not back home yet ?
Tubed: delaysss
Tubed: plz entertain me while the tube continues to stop every five seconds due to mechanical problems
Waterfelled: Yikes .
Waterfelled: Right well you’ll be pleased to know I am So jittery, I have never had more energy ever, and it’s terrible .
Waterfelled: When I got back to my flat my bath lasted five minutes because I could not stay still and I wanted to run !!
Tubed: im just mad i cant witness this with my own eyes like
Waterfelled: Oh, trust me, you will once I get back to the institute .
Tubed: what are the Odds you’ll do another caffeine shot the moment you step in the door
Waterfelled: 1 of 200, I would actually explode I think !! I feel like I’m going to explode already !
Waterfelled: 80
Bet Bot: 171
Waterfelled: Good .
Tim to Sasha
Tim: hmu with some conspiracy theories on what jon and marto did last night ;)
Sasha: I think they were out walking and they got abducted by aliens who kept them in a timeless state of being for a few months (actually a few minutes our time) and over the course of their captivity they grew closer together and admitted their feelings . Then they escaped, and now they’re here.
Tim: sasha what
Sasha: You asked !
Tim: ….give me more ;)
Sasha: Ok hang on .
“we lived bitch”
Waterfelled: Tim, what are the Odds you’ll ditch the tube and run the rest of the way to your flat ?
Tubed: hmm 3 km? im already sweaty but also so tired from dancing
Tubed: so 1 of 10
Tubed: 2
Bet Bot: 3
Tubed: my body has been spared by the immortal merciful Bot
Waterfelled: The Bot took pity on you .
Tubed: im so thankful u dont even know
Sasha to Tim
Tim: also why’s marto on radio silence hmmm
Sasha: He’s probably showering !
“we lived bitch”
Tubed: marto when you’re done practicing personal hygiene can you bring your piano to the archives??? thmanks
Tim to Sasha
Tim: wait put a hold on conspiracies, what are our plans to find out about Pining
Tim: bc like,,,until we know for sure they’ve gotten together, our scheme is still a go
“we lived bitch”
Waterfelled: I mean they may have confessed already so there’s probably not much more for us to do, Scheme-wise . But we could always rope them into having some more alone time together ! That would be beneficial for everyone involved, even if they don’t think so at first . :)
Tubed: sasha,,,,wrong chat,,,,,,,,
Waterfelled: Oh . My god .
Sasha to Tim
Sasha: I can’t believe I just did that .
Tim: the sugar-caffeine high caught up to your brain lmaooo
Sasha: If anything I have more adrenaline now but it’s anxious adrenaline which is very unhelpful ! What is martin going to say ??
Tim: idk but i am afraid for my life
Tim: thank god we’re not in the same building rn
Sasha: But we will be soon…
Tim: haha oh yeah. shit
“we lived bitch”
Sunken treasure: um :/
Sunken treasure: so there has been an ongoing Scheme i see?
Tubed: ahhh yep in fact there has
Tubed: honestly surprised you didnt pick up on it before, we are not as sneaky as we pretend to be
Waterfelled: Martin I’m so sorry, this must seem totally invasive and deceptive . Tim and I knew about your feelings for jon, and we wanted to sort of push you both into situations where it would be more likely for something to grow . We kept it a secret because we didn’t want you to think that if anything romantic ended up happening, it was fake or cheap by default . I completely understand if you’re angry, you have every right to be .
Sunken treasure: noo sasha it’s ok! it’s actually really sweet that you and tim would go out of your way to try and make something of my ridiculous crush
Sunken treasure: ok now that im thinking of certain situations that were most definitely orchestrated by you two, i can definitely see it. sure, maybe you could have erm...forgone certain things. like locking me in the hotel room with jon and turning the lights out and blasting careless whisper? a little on the nose, if im to be honest
Tubed: SHGKFSGG NO REGRETS
Sunken treasure: but generally, i dont mind a shove in the right direction. i think i’d take all the help i can get, romantically speaking :)
Waterfelled: You are the most forgiving person I have ever met and neither I nor tim deserve you in any way, shape, or form .
Sunken treasure: <3
Tubed: does this mean our Scheme worked ;)) like, are you two,,,u know,,,,, ;)))))
Tubed: like something happened on that walk don’t even lie ;))) a little lip action mayhaps,,
Sunken treasure: omgggg
Waterfelled: Tim ! We just got off so easy ! Don’t push it !
Sunken treasure: we did not kiss!! what?? :0
Tubed: danm,,,i guess sash and i shall continue Scheming then
Waterfelled: Martin, I apologize on tim’s behalf, we will not continue the Scheme if you don’t want us to .
Sunken treasure: like i said, i dont mind really. just dont do anything too crazy please!! :(
Waterfelled: We won’t !
Sasha to Tim
Sasha: Tim, I’ll kill you !
Tim: your threats do not phase me, miss james
Tim: pretty rude that the boss hasn’t kissed our dear marto yet
Tim: im still convinced something happened yesterday though
Sasha: I’d like to think they’re dating ...but wouldn’t Martin tell us ?
Sasha: Maybe not after This ...
Tim: nah, don’t worry, he’s cool with it remember? plus if he and jon were dating, there’s no way they’d be able to hide it
Tim: i am truly glad marto’s not going the revenge route. we both saw the damage he could do,,,this year’s infamous april fool’s day, where We became the fools
Sasha: Oh yes, we’re VERY lucky he’s a forgiving guy, or else we would be goners .
Martin to Jon
Martin: tim and sasha have revoked their right to know things!
Jon: So...we’re not telling them that we’re dating?
Martin: nope! at least not today.
Jon: I’m almost afraid to ask, but what did they do?
Martin: um so. they’ve been scheming. to get us together? and thats fine mostly but also they caused some of the more um. embarrassing things that have happened :///
Martin: so im getting back at them
Jon: By withholding information?
Martin: yes!
Jon: Honestly, I think we could take it to the next level.
Martin: oh?? :0
Jon: We could simply...act as though nothing has changed. Not that we’ll alter how we interact with each other at all. But if they ask, the answer is always, “No, of course we aren’t dating.”
Martin: omg
Martin: they are going to lose their minds haha
Martin: jon you are a genius
Jon: Well, the idea was based upon your own plan, so the praise is equally yours.
Martin: aw if you say so :)
Jon: Will you be coming back to the Institute soon?
Martin: yeah, im leaving in a mo. is something wrong?
Martin: wait is elias there?? stefan was supposed to keep an eye out! :((
Jon: No, no, it’s nothing like that. Nothing is wrong.
Jon: I was just hoping to see you, is all.
Jon: Nothing against Stefan. I’m sure he’s a very decent person. But well. He isn’t you.
Jon: Ah, I’m sorry, that was perhaps too forward. It hasn’t even been 24 hours, after all.
Martin: no it wasn’t, jon, it wasnt too forward i promise. im just. im smiling, so much, i am not used to you being all that affectionate? and i really really love it, so please dont think you made me uncomfortable or anything because i just
Martin: im just really happy. that’s all. im just happy.
Jon: Oh, good. Well I’m glad. Because I am too. Very much so.
Martin: good :))) i’ll see you soon
Jon: See you soon :-)
12:00 pm
“there’s no ‘i’ in magnus but there is an ‘us’ <3”
Self-care supervisor stoker: lunch break, boss get in here
Self-care supervisor stoker: we have plans for you
Martin Enthusiast: That’s not suspicious at all.
Nurse James: Hey ! We’re harmless !
Martin Enthusiast: Still does not fill me with confidence.
The Piano Man: it’s nothing bad, we promise! :)
Martin Enthusiast: I’ll be there momentarily.
1:09 pm
The Piano Man: [sent a video: Sasha and Tim duet “Love is an Open Door” on Wii Sing It. Their performance is incredibly over-the-top, both of them making exaggerated expressions––including: Tim acting positively flabbergasted when Sasha finishes his sentence with “Sandwiches”, then replying, “That’s what I was gonna say????”––as well as doing whatever spurts of choreography they happen to remember from the movie. During the chorus, they sing, “Love is an open DOOOOR” at the top of their lungs, which sometimes sounds less like singing and more like shrieking. At one point, Martin aims the camera at Jon, who sits on the couch next to him. He is plugging his ears.]
The Piano Man: [sent a video: Jon solos “Be Prepared.” He is channeling all of his experience from The Mechanisms for this performance, meaning that he prowls around the room, as far as the length of his corded microphone will allow, and sings directly to the assistants, all of whom watch this spectacle from the couch. Sasha and Tim are just losing it almost every sentence because between the haughty lyrics and unimpressed demeanor, it all sounds like something Jon would normally say. Jon stalks forward. “It’s clear from your vacant expressions––” he waves a hand in front of Tim’s face “––the lights are not all on upstairs.” Tim flips him off. Sasha laughs so hard that tears spring to her eyes. Behind the camera, Martin is giggling like a maniac. After the first chorus, Tim and Sasha hop into the roles of the hyenas, easily bantering back and forth with “Scar”. Martin captures it all on camera––Sasha and Tim, bobbing their heads from side to side in unison: “No king, no king, lala-lala-la-la.”]
Self-care supervisor stoker: [sent a video: Martin and Jon duet “I See the Light,” Martin starting off by singing Rapunzel’s part, peeking over at Jon but mostly keeping his attention on the lyrics rolling down the screen. Then Jon begins Flynn’s verse. At first his eyes linger on the screen, but soon enough they wander over to Martin, where they remain. Jon makes a slight alteration to the lyrics: “Now he’s here, shining in the starlight. Now he’s here, suddenly I know.” Tim flips the camera around to show his and Sasha’s faces, both of which are utterly stupefied. Sasha’s expression melts into a huge, sappy smile, while Tim just looks like he has no idea what the hell is going on, but he is 100% here for it. He spins the camera back onto the scene before him, in time to catch Martin noticing that Jon is staring at him. Martin does a double-take, then flushes red, but smiles and turns to face him. When the chorus comes along, Martin joins in, and now they are singing to each other, and only to each other. They continue like this until they have sung very final line: “All at once, everything is different, now that I see you.”]
Self-care supervisor stoker: are you guys gonna explain that last one or
The Piano Man: hm. no.
Martin Enthusiast: No.
Self-care supervisor stoker: i need answers so badly it hurts
Martin Enthusiast: What is there to explain, Tim? We sang a duet. That is the point of playing a singing game, yes?
Nurse James: Okay but it felt like there was...another layer to it ?
Martin Enthusiast: Unsure what you mean.
Self-care supervisor stoker: ok im just gonna say it, are you guys dating because uhhhhh
Self-care supervisor stoker: if not,,,,how
Self-care supervisor stoker: like actually how? why are you not? why not? why?
Nurse James: Are you having a stroke .
Nurse James: Martin zipped into the kitchen immediately after checking his messages and I don’t blame him .
Martin Enthusiast: Tim, I am not dating Martin, that is ridiculous. And your question is inappropriate for the workplace, might I add.
Self-care supervisor stoker: says the guy who just channeled the spirit of an evil cartoon lion
Martin Enthusiast: ...Fine.
Martin Enthusiast: But anyway, no, we aren’t. We performed a duet wherein the characters who originally sang the duet had feelings for one another. This says nothing about Martin and I. Perhaps you were confused. It’s called acting.
The Piano Man: :X
Nurse James: I am speechless . I
Nurse James: I actually fumbled and dropped my phone just then .
Nurse James: Jon, I have never respected you more than in this moment . I think you legitimately crushed Tim’s ego beyond repair this time .
Nurse James: He just walked right past me and face-planted into one of the beanbag chairs . He isn’t moving .
Martin Enthusiast: Well. Whatever helps him cope, I suppose.
Martin Enthusiast: Before I get back to work, I was wondering if you three have planned something for tonight? If so, I need to know so that I can adjust my schedule accordingly.
Martin Enthusiast: I will be heading back to my flat at some point for a shower and a change of clothes, so if anything needs to be picked up, I’ll be out anyway.
Nurse James: I don’t think we have anything specific planned, actually . Which feels almost shameful to admit .
The Piano Man: yeah i mean i guess we could just hang out?
The Piano Man: tim still hasnt moved from the beanbag chair. i keep expecting him to respond to the chat and then he doesn’t and it’s weird.
Nurse James: I’ll respond for him . *cracks knuckles*
Nurse James: no plans tonite but we could, u know,,,,simply Vibe ;))))
Nurse James: Martin is laughing so I consider my impression a success .
The Piano Man: oh it was spot on!! :0
The Piano Man: also, for this evening, there are board games we could do! also more wii games... :)
Nurse James: If you’re referring to the horror games you brought, I will Not be participating . I’ll watch you do that but I’m not playing Resident Evil , especially not at night, in the archives ! That’s like triple nightmare fuel .
Martin Enthusiast: Why...would you voluntarily add horror to a place that is already dedicated to horror?
The Piano Man: for fun :)
Martin Enthusiast: Preposterous.
Martin Enthusiast: I won’t be participating either. But I will watch.
Nurse James: It’s settled then, we’re having a watch-Martin-play-terrifying-video-games night .
The Piano Man: if either of you want to play as well, the option is always there!! :D
Nurse James: Um, no .
Martin Enthusiast: No. Not happening.
The Piano Man: pfff guys it’s not that scary, i swear!
The Piano Man: sasha just gave me the most scrutinizing look, but im not lying, its really not that bad!
Martin Enthusiast: We’ll be the judge of that.
Nurse James: ^
The Piano Man: lolol fine
4:29 pm
To: [emailprotected]
From: [emailprotected]
Subject: The Final Straw
Peter,
My Archival employees are out of control. In the past, they have infiltrated my office to perform largely harmless and trivial pranks, and I allowed it, because I knew that their peaceful days at the Institute were limited. I am not always a cruel man, Peter. I wanted them to have their fun, while it lasted.
But the time for pranks should be well in the past. Jonathan Sims has given himself over to the Eye, and his assistants know this. Finally, my Archivist is an Entity of Fear. This is an undeniable fact. Yet those damned assistants act as though nothing has changed. They are anxious, yes, and still traumatized from their time in the Buried, but they do not fear the Archivist.
I do not necessarily require that they fear him. However, due to their lack of fear, they have not consigned themselves to the archives, as I suspected they would. Rather, they have decided that continuing to assault my office is a perfectly reasonable course of action, and for this I will not stand.
I believe some chastisement is in order.
Periodically yours,
Elias Bouchard
Head of the Magnus Institute
This e-mail may contain confidential or otherwise privileged information. If you are not the intended recipient(s), please delete it and notify the sender of the error.
5:03 pm
To: [emailprotected]
From: [emailprotected]
Subject: RE: The Final Straw
Dearest Eli,
Interesting, though not surprising. Based on what you’ve told me about these assistants, they seem like a pretty tight-knit group. And after getting trapped in the Buried, it makes sense that they’d feel closer to each other and to Jonathan than before. Especially since your little Archivist was the one who saved them.
Huh. It’s pretty funny that I have a better sense of how social groups function than you do, starfish. Maybe you’ve gotten a bit too comfortable, watching without engaging. Sounds like something I’d do. Are my habits rubbing off on you?
Anyway, if their pranks bother you so much, perhaps it really is time for some chastisement, as you say. After all, now that the assistants are aware of the realities of this world, what’s stopping you from showing them what you’re capable of?
If they don’t fear the Archivist, they can always fear you.
Best of luck,
Peter
Chapter End Notes
poor elias...ahem, NOT. more like, poor Tim, he didn't realize the extent of Jon's deadpan abilities until it was already too late.
Due to SEVERAL comments asking, back in that one chapter where Martin and Jon got locked in a room together with romantic saxophone music blasting, if the song was Careless Whisper, I have decided that yes, in fact, it was.
Also, way back in chapter 6, lonely_the_band had the genius suggestion of putting shaving cream in Elias's office and here I am,,,chapter 23, delivering. And who knows! Maybe the shaving cream was the thing that finally got Elias to snap....
Kudos are always appreciated, and comments are always read and responded to and loved so much--commenters are added to my list of people whom I will NOT hex this upcoming Halloween :) also, if I could send you all candy corn, I would <3
sick day
Chapter Summary
Elias pays the squad a visit.
Chapter Notes
hello and welcome to the biggest mistake Elias will ever make
See the end of the chapter for more notes
Wednesday, 9:42 am
“there’s no ‘i’ in magnus but there is an ‘us’ <3”
Self-care supervisor stoker: [sent a photo: A selfie. In the darkness of the room, Tim smirks into the camera. Behind him, Martin sits on the couch with a wii remote in his hand, Sasha and Jon bunched up either side of him. All of them are wrapped in several layers of blankets, so thoroughly covered that only their heads poke out. The light of the TV screen illuminates their faces––Jon and Sasha with matching expressions of wide-eyed dread, Martin with a small relaxed smile.]
Self-care supervisor stoker: last night’s watch-marto-whip-through-horror-games event was so good
Nurse James: It was Terrifying actually !
Self-care supervisor stoker: we should make it a weekly thing ;)
Martin Enthusiast: No.
The Piano Man: i still dont know why you guys think it was scary, it really wasnt! :))
Nurse James: Martin doesn’t know what he’s saying . He isn’t thinking straight .
The Piano Man: tim before you say something..dont
Self-care supervisor stoker: marto never thinks straight
Self-care supervisor stoker: oops!! too late ;)
The Piano Man: :I
Self-care supervisor stoker: what, u want me to lie?? ok yeah marto aLways thinks Str8 he’s a Hetero thinker, that one
Self-care supervisor stoker: i almost threw up typing that i hope youre happy
Nurse James: Martin he’s lost his tea privileges again .
Self-care supervisor stoker: sasha! you have,, betrayed me
Nurse James: And I’d do it again <3
The Piano Man: actually um, probably best i dont make the tea today. im feeling a bit under the weather :( dont want to spread germs
Self-care supervisor stoker: marto,,,,noooooo
Nurse James: So that’s why you’re lying on the couch ? This is a tragedy !
Martin Enthusiast: Martin, what are your symptoms? I believe I have some cold medicine somewhere in my office.
The Piano Man: ah just. my head feels sort of foggy? and im really, really tired even though i just woke up :/ just all around dont feel great, but it’s nothing serious.
Martin Enthusiast: I’m sorry to hear that. I’ll bring you something in a moment.
The Piano Man: thanks jon :)
Martin Enthusiast: I could also try making you some tea, if that would help?
Self-care supervisor stoker: hey boss noah fence but your tea tastes like a mix of windex and untreated well water ;)))
Self-care supervisor stoker: dont worry ill get the tea marto,,,i wont let jon’s “”””””tea”””” hurt you anymore, u are safe here
Martin Enthusiast: My tea is not that bad.
Nurse James: :)
Martin Enthusiast: Sasha, you too?
Martin Enthusiast: Martin, my tea is not that bad.
The Piano Man: yes, it’s not. that bad :)
Self-care supervisor stoker: even texting, i can see him straining to keep a neutral face
The Piano Man: no im not, im not doing that!
Nurse James: He is .
The Piano Man: how can you both be such lovely people, yet. you do this?
Nurse James: Depth of personality !
Self-care supervisor stoker: multitasking ;)
Martin Enthusiast: In any case, I’ll be by with the medicine--and not tea--in a minute.
The Piano Man: thank you, truly. and we can um. work on your tea skills later? :)
Martin Enthusiast: I’d be amenable to taking lessons from the master tea maker himself.
The Piano Man: ha! that sounds really fun actually, i look forward to it!
Martin Enthusiast: Me as well. :-)
10:45 am
“we lived bitch”
Waterfelled: cbryrenfaire.com/tickets-for-admission/
Waterfelled: Assuming Martin is feeling better this weekend…
Tubed: reN FAIRE REN FAIRE
Tubed: marto please reprise your role as an elf face painter i Need this
Tubed: oh fuck i think he’s asleep hhh
Tim to Sasha
Tim: if our boy stops being sick in time for this weekend like,, u already know im down
Sasha: Now we just need to ask Jon !
Tim: i can text him dw
Sasha: ...I don’t trust you Timothy Stoker .
Tim: dw dw im not going to do anything ;) nothing at all ;)
Sasha: I can’t tell if you’re actually trying to convince me, but if you are, that’s a very pitiful attempt .
Sasha: This is about what happened earlier, isn’t it ?
Tim: hmmmm idk,,,what do you mean? i noticed nothing out of the ordinary
Sasha: Ah, right . Jon coming in to give Martin some cold medicine, then staying to sit with him, in very close proximity, for a good half hour before getting back to work...is normal .
Tim: dont forget the part where the boss was actually smiling this sweet, absent-minded smile-
Sasha: Oh so you do remember ! :)
Tim: hold that thot im gonna text jon about the faire
Tim: and about nothing else
Sasha: Oh goodness .
Tim to Jon
Tim: heyy wanna head to a ren faire this weekend so that we can see elf!marto in action
Tim: sasha found one nearby and it looks stellar,,,we just need to figure out costumes and we should be good to go ;)
Jon: Actually, that does sound enjoyable. I’ve been to renaissance faires before and they’re usually quite something.
Tim: hell yeah boss!!! that was so much easier than i expected
Tim: also,,,saw u had a good ;) convo ;) with martin ;) earlier today ;))
Jon: Yes?
Tim: just think it’s interesting is all……;)
Jon: If you send another winky face I’m blocking your number.
Tim: .....
Tim: ;(
12:00 pm
Tim: it’s breaktime bossman!!
Tim: wouldve texted the main gc but marto’s still asleep lmao
Jon: It’s good that he is, sleep will help him get better quicker.
Jon: I’ll be over in a moment.
Tim: ahh gucci
12:41 pm
-Incoming FaceTime Call from Kit-
[On the screen, Kit sits at the table of a cafe, earbuds in, a steaming hot chocolate and a croissant placed off to the side. He’s wearing a button-down patterned with purple octopi. When Sasha answers, he smiles wide.
Sasha: How’s my favourite fake boss?
Kit: I dunno, how’s my favourite cousin?
Sasha, snorting: Kit, you can’t say that when I’m not your only cousin.
Kit: I’ll scream it to the rooftops, I’ll tell everyone here––Sasha’s my favourite cousin!
Sasha, trying not to smile, failing miserably: Shhh shut up! You’re in a public space!
Kit looks around in mock surprise, and says: Oh. Thought I was in my living room. I should probably put on trousers. Anyway, how have you been?
Sasha’s smile falters, but she manages to keep it mostly level.
Sasha: It’s been difficult lately. For all of my coworkers. But we’re…improving.
Tim (off-screen): Are you talking to your hot cousin?
Sasha, visibly in pain: I’m not going to call him that, but yes, it’s Kit.
Sasha flips her camera to face one of the tables in the break room, where Tim is doing something on his laptop. He grins and throws a peace sign.
Sasha: Tim here has been aggressively researching ren faire costume inspiration.
Tim: I want an outfit that says, “Yes, I’m a witch. Yes, I am adhering to the ren faire dress code by a literal thread. Yes, those rips in the fabric over my biceps are done on purpose, but they’re representative of my own personal truth.”
Kit: That’s a very talkative costume.
Sasha: He has a vision. Oh, and here are the others.
Sasha pans the camera over to the couch, where Martin and Jon are sitting. Martin is wrapped up in a blanket, and despite having just taken a nap, there are bags under his eyes. He looks frazzled and bleary-eyed, but he still gives the camera a quiet smile when he sees it pointed in his direction. Jon, leaning against him, has his hand resting delicately on the back of Martin’s neck. He doesn’t remove it when he sees the camera; he only gives a short, “Hello, Kit.”
Kit: Hey, it’s my double! Or I guess I’m his double. By the way, how has that Elias guy been since I left? Is he still terrible and cryptic?
Sasha flips the camera back around and nods emphatically.
Sasha: He’s still the worst! But we’ve been able to mostly avoid him lately, which is great––
Jon (off-screen): He’s coming down the hall.
Sasha: …What? Right now?
Jon: Right now. And it feels…different this time. Like he’s going to do something.
Sasha stares past the camera, her joyed expression melting into one of worry.
Kit: Sasha? What’s happening?
Sasha: I’m really sorry, I’ll call you back later, Kit.
Kit: Wait, is everything––?]
-Call ended-
1:04 pm
To: [emailprotected]
From: [emailprotected]
Subject: Comeuppance
Peter,
I am pleased to inform you that I have successfully shown the assistants their proper place. It was hardly difficult to tug at their insecurities; each of them are equipped with plenty.
Martin Blackwood was the easiest to influence, of course. His fears consume him in such an obvious way that even the least perceptive individual in the world could see it. It didn’t take much to distress him. Just a few off-hand suggestions about what his mother thinks of him--what she sees in him.
Tim Stoker resisted, but his mind is more fragile than he believes it to be. Forcing him to relive the unfortunate passing of his brother would have been the most straightforward choice, but I decided against it. Too easy. Low-hanging fruit, if you will. No, I wanted a challenge, so I Looked deeper into his mind and I found something better. Something affecting not only his past, but his present. You see, despite his confident exterior, Tim has this deep, burning anxiety about his own importance to the world. After all, what has he done to avenge his brother? Nothing of consequence. What has he done to deserve Sasha’s affection? Nothing at all. He just doesn’t try hard enough at anything. That’s why when he fails, it is his fault. When he lets down Jon, Martin, Sasha––again, his own fault. All these years, he has wasted his own time. And now, he is empty.
I simply reminded him of this. All of this, at once. As you might expect, it worked beautifully.
Finally, there was Sasha James. She was trickier to parse out, I will admit, but it did not take long to discover that what keeps her up at night is not dissimilar to Tim’s own fears. Years of struggling against the current, of working her way into this position of semi-importance, have taken a toll. Because, yes, Sasha is qualified for much more than she has been given. She has fought harder than many of her colleagues, and ended up with less. Perhaps she is competent, but nobody cares about that. No matter how hard she tries, she is helpless . The pursuits of her life are limited. On any given day, if she is not the best, if she makes the tiniest error, this position she has worked so diligently for may be snatched away. She is not important enough to feel secure in her position. She will never be important enough. And if the higher-ups care so little for her, what about her friends? Her family?
What if it isn’t the system? What if it’s just…her?
Well. I reflected these concerns back. Of course it’s just her. Sasha was never important enough to be irreplaceable, not to anyone. Tim insists she is, but deep down, she suspects that he is lying to make her feel better. To make her feel important enough .
Jon tried to prevent me from doing all of this, of course. He even tried to punch me. But discounting the fact that he is comparatively small and weak, it was laughably facile to distract him with his own childhood memories of a very hungry arachnid. By this point, I was actually having fun.
There was a surprising development, however. Jon attempted to influence me, to force me to stop. And for a moment, it worked.
I’m not sure whether to be pleased about his progress, or concerned for my own control over him. I’ll discuss this further with you this evening.
In any case, I believe there will be no more invasions of my office. It may take the archival staff a while to heal from the psychological devastation I have bestowed upon them. Well, I can afford to damage a few assistants. That is one such perk of being me.
See you tonight,
Elias Bouchard
Head of the Magnus Institute
This e-mail may contain confidential or otherwise privileged information. If you are not the intended recipient(s), please delete it and notify the sender of the error.
1:12 pm
“there’s no ‘i’ in magnus but there is an ‘us’ <3”
Self-care supervisor stoker: lads can we play uno later
Nurse James: Yes please .
Martin Enthusiast: If you’d like.
The Piano Man: ah. sure :)
The Piano Man: wait
The Piano Man: your deck is the one that has those blank cards where you wrote in “+10”
Self-care supervisor stoker: i mean yeah if you have to take ten,,,things get spicy ;)
Nurse James: Last time, you and Martin daisy-chained them when I had two cards left, and I haven’t been the same since .
Self-care supervisor stoker: watching you sloooowly pick up twenty cards,, one by one, was one of the funniest things I have ever witnessed
Self-care supervisor stoker: also that evil smile marto tried and failed to suppress before slapping down that second +10,,,, fucking mINT
Self-care supervisor stoker: @sasha wth are you doing over there u look v focused
Self-care supervisor stoker: crouched like a gremlin at ur desk
Nurse James: How do you even see me right now ? You’re lying on the floor with all of the beanbag chairs piled on top of you .
Self-care supervisor stoker: x-ray vision
Nurse James: Fine .
Nurse James: Anyway, I’m fucking over Elias .
Self-care supervisor stoker: oh???? how so???
Nurse James: I’m hacking into his email .
Self-care supervisor stoker: you are a wonder
Nurse James: No, I’m just pissed off .
Nurse James: He had the AUDACITY to prance in here and screw with our heads, just to show us he’s powerful ?? As though we needed any more pain and fear in our lives ?? As though we didn’t JUST escape from fucking water level purgatory ??
Nurse James: You make my friends cry, I make you cry . That’s how it works .
Nurse James: I am going to make this man suffer like he has never suffered in his goddamn life, and I am going to do it through his email .
Self-care supervisor stoker: elias is doomed :) all hail sash jamboree
Self-care supervisor stoker: marto can i come hug u yet or are you still vibing alone outside
The Piano Man: tim im sick, i dont want to get you sick by hugging you!
Self-care supervisor stoker: martin withdrawal,,,,,,,kills thousands each year,,,
The Piano Man: ill be back in soon i just um. need another minute
Self-care supervisor stoker: take ur time <3
Self-care supervisor stoker: jon wbu,,if you take a short trip out from your office im here waiting with open arms,,beneath the bean bags. your door is already open to the break room….
Martin Enthusiast: I’m fine, thank you.
Self-care supervisor stoker: ok
Sasha to Tim
Sasha: Are you all right
Tim: haha nope
Sasha: Please come out from under the bean bag chairs . I know you’re trying to punish yourself for some reason and I really wish you wouldn’t .
Tim: dunno what you mean
Sasha: Tim, just a few days ago you had a lot of trouble being confined in any way, hugs included . And now you’re literally burying yourself, and you’re /asking/ for hugs .
Sasha: Whatever Elias showed you, it doesn’t matter . You don’t deserve to hurt, even if it’s to try and make other people feel better . And maybe I’m being overbearing, but I don’t care . I can’t pretend to ignore it when you’re being self-destructive . You’re too important to me .
Sasha: Why don’t you come sit with me ? We don’t have to talk about it . We can just be two gremlins hacking into Elias’s email .
Tim: hm.
Sasha: Timothy Stoker come hold my hand .
Tim: danm,,,
Tim: how can i say no to that?
Tim: also we can talk about it soon but just. not right now. my brain hurts. i dont want to think about it anymore.
Sasha: That’s fine . I don’t want to think about it either, honestly .
Tim: in that case i shall,,emerge. like a hermit crab
Sasha: Sigh .
Sasha: Ok weirdo :)
Tim: ;)
Jon to Martin
Jon: It would be silly to ask if you’re okay. I know you’re not. But if you wanted some company, I would be happy to join you.
Jon: I also understand if you’d prefer to have some space to process.
Martin: i think i am feeling slightly less awful, finally. being alone for a bit helped.
Martin: but now that ive had a moment to myself, i wouldnt mind at all if you came by :)
Jon: Good to hear, on all counts.
Jon: Martin, I’m so sorry.
Jon: I should have been able to stop him. I think I could have, had I been intelligent enough to realize we should lock the doors before he arrived. Or had I been quicker to act.
Jon: Elias should not have the right to do something like this in the first place.
Martin: i agree with you on that second part, but you know this isn’t your fault, jon. you tried to help us. elias is just extra spooky i guess. :(
Jon: Yes, I suppose.
Jon: Also he is several inches taller than me…
Martin: yeah but thats not hard :)
Jon: You are despicable.
Martin: yep
Jon: And tall. Which makes you even more despicable by default.
Martin: and you’re small. which makes you cute by default :)
Jon: No.
Martin: yes. it’s indisputable actually!
Jon: It is disputable. I am disputing it.
Martin: but you’re wrong, so your disputing doesn’t count. accept the truth jon! you’re cute!
Jon: I am now going to pretend to agree so that you will stop being so blatantly incorrect and we can move on with our lives.
Jon: “I agree.”
Martin: wow. terrible
Jon: I know. Also, would it be helpful for you to go for a short walk? Obviously you’re sick but. Fresh air and all.
Martin: yeah i could go for a short one, if im not too fatigued. this cold is really taking it out of me
Jon: Understandable. That would work for me as well, in fact. I’m feeling a bit run down myself.
Jon: I’ll be there momentarily.
Martin: oh, i thought you meant this evening!
Jon: I mean, we can, if you’d prefer that.
Martin: no i can definitely go now, i just...wasnt expecting you to be okay with taking an extended break from work?
Jon: Fuck work.
Martin: 0.0
Jon: If it annoys Elias for me to be working less, then good riddance.
Jon: Besides, you matter more to me.
Martin: oh
Jon: It’s just a fact. So.
Jon: See you in a minute.
Martin: yeah! ok :)))
1:58 pm
Tim to Sasha
Tim: how’s the hacking going, hackerlady
Sasha: A lot more frustrating than I expected, but I’ll get there . I’m probably going to take a break and come back to it .
Tim: i belief in you ;))
Tim: also uhhh
Tim: i didnt say it before but
Tim: youre really important to me too. and i need you to know that.
Tim: i honestly dont know what id do without you, sash.
Tim: and im not saying this because youre smart or capable or helpful (which you are, obviously), im saying it because of who you are as a person. not what you are. not what skills you bring to the table.
Tim: maybe you think im just trying to make you feel better, but it’s actually way more selfish than that. like, when you feel bad, /i/ feel bad. i hate seeing you afraid. and i know you were trying to hide it before, but i could tell anyway.
Tim: there’s so much in the world to be scared of, but whether or not you’re loved? you should never have to worry about that.
Sasha: Tim you’re going to make me cry on my computer :(
Tim: then move your head,,,5 centimeters to the side ;)
Sasha: Is this why you randomly got up and went into the archives .
Sasha: So you could say these lovely things and make me cry without facing the Consequences .
Tim: ;3
Tim: the fact that you have stopped typing scares me
Tim: o fuck i thought i locked the door
Tim: your footsteps are incredibly quiet and, once again, that scares me
Tim: feel like im livetweeting the moments before my own death
Tim: ironic how it’s going to be you who ends me, and not some Fear Bastard
Tim: wait.. are you actually crying?
Sasha: :(
Tim: ok, im coming.
Chapter End Notes
i would say not to worry, and that the next chapter will be nice and fluffy and fun but um. that would be a huge lie. i mean, jon hasn't been taking any statements....and he did say he was feeling a bit run down....
also, ive been wanting to give sasha a moment of emotional vulnerability for a while now. she's always such a stronghold for the others, so i feel like i owed it to her to let her be comforted for once.
Kudos are always appreciated, and comments are always read, responded to, and strung up all over my apartment like christmas lights because it's november, which means it's the holiday season! no i do not take constructive criticism :)
you can chat with me @starryknightart on insta <3
tunnel vision
Chapter Summary
The assistants find out just how much Jon has changed.
Chapter Notes
happy friday! here's another chapter of this super fluffy fic where everything is happy and fun and nothing goes wrong. i really strive to make everything as light-hearted as possible, because hello readers, apologies for the deception,
See the end of the chapter for more notes
Thursday, 2:02 am
Jon to Martin
Jon: I think we cant continue
Jon: Us, I mean
Jon: We cant continue us.
Jon: It’s not your fault
Jon: I’m so sorry Martin.
Jon: I thought I could resist the Eye but i cant and it’s too much i have to
Jon: I can’t let myself hurt you
Jon: Im going away
Jon: This is for the best
Jon: Im leaving and you will be safe. That is what matters the most.
Jon: Im so sorry
4:57 am
Martin: jon please tell me what youre doing
Martin: i dont know what youre experiencing but please we can deal with it together
Martin: i promise youll be fine, and ill be fine, just come back from wherever you are ok?
Martin: wait i hear your phone going off??
5:14 am
“we lived bitch”
Waterfelled: Have either of you found him yet ?
Tubed: no, ive been looking all over the archives, jon is def not here
Sunken Treasure: i checked artefact storage and the entrance but no i cant find a trace of him
Sunken Treasure: i dont understand why he would just leave in the night? even if he was feeling out of control, couldnt he just read one of the written statements??
Tubed: yeah idk
Tubed: like i noticed him gone when i woke up around 3, but i figured he had gone to the loo or sth
Waterfelled: It’s pretty worrying that he left his phone in his office .
Tubed: maybe he figured you’d track him down with it?
Sunken Treasure: he must have left the building.
Sunken Treasure: im going to check outside.
Tubed: ahhh boss!! wtf are you up to!!!
Waterfelled: This sort of thing goes against our take-care-of-jonathan-sims protocol and he knows it :(
Tubed: …..oh shit
Tubed: i know where he went
Sunken Treasure: ??
Tubed: just think about it. where would you go if you wanted to isolate yourself as quickly as possible, to make it so you couldnt find your way back?
Waterfelled: Oh goodness .
Sunken Treasure: nooooo
Sunken Treasure: of course it had to be the bloody tunnels!!
Tubed: im already in the archives so imma take a look
Waterfelled: Wait for us !
Tubed: dw fam it’s gucci ;)
Sunken Treasure: tim it is not gucci!!
Waterfelled: If you get lost in there I swear to god, tim .
Tubed: oh dang ahah there’s internet connection in here
Sunken Treasure: um, how?
Tubed: no idea but it’s actually kinda freaky ngl
Waterfelled: Maybe that’s the secret; it scares you, so a Fear made it happen .
Tubed: ah yes, the Entity of Wifi Where There Should Be None
Tubed: it’s really fucking dark damn
Tubed: i did bring a torch,, im not that dumb, but still yikes
Tubed: also hey fam can we just do a call, it’s taking longer to search when i have to stop and text
Waterfelled: Good point !
-Incoming Group FaceTime Call: “we lived bitch”-
[When the call picks up, Tim’s screen is grainy, partially from the spotty connection and partially from the darkness. As he moves through the tunnels, he holds the flashlight so that it illuminates his smirking face from below. Sasha is trying to glare, but her expression is mostly one of worry. Martin, on the other hand, is so distraught that he has circled back around to appearing deathly calm.
Tim: Welcome to my cooking show. As you can see, the producers really pulled the plug on our set budget, but you know. We make do.
Martin: Do you see anything?
Tim turns his torch beam onto the route in front of him, which plunges his face into darkness.
Tim: Just the tunnel. Can’t even see the end, the light doesn’t reach that far. It ends in blackness.
Sasha: That’s comforting.
Martin: We should come with you, this doesn’t seem safe to do alone.
Tim: Wait, wait, there are doorways. Look.
He flips the camera. Now a long, narrow tunnel with a dirt floor and stone walls is visible, the torch beam harsh and highly contrasted against the darkness. Along either wall appears several open doorways, and beyond each lies a near-impermeable blanket of pitch black. Tim moves closer to one of them and shines his light inside, illuminating the cracked walls and the linoleum floor, which is caked with dirt and grime, and is barren save for a single mannequin foot.
Tim: I’m not vibing.
Sasha: Ew!
Martin: This is really making me nervous, and I’m not even physically there. Please be careful, Tim.
Tim sneaks into the room, snickering, and takes the foot.
Tim: I’m always careful!
Martin: Oh god, why?
Sasha: This is serious. Be careful .
Tim moves to the next doorway and finds a similar room, except rather than a single foot, the floor is littered with opened cans, and there is a ripped-up, olive green loveseat in the far corner, facing the wall, as though placed in time-out.
Tim: Maybe I should just live here. Nobody seems to own this lovely little room.
Martin: Hm, I wonder why that could be!
Tim: Ooh, sass from Marto! This is shaping up to be a good day. Aside from everything else currently going on, I mean.
Sasha: Ah, right. Aside from everything else.
Tim directs the camera to another doorway and shines his light inside. The room has the same structure as the last two.
Tim: Do you think we could––?
The beam lands on a man, sitting in the center of the room, eyes wide open. He is dirty, stocky, pink-cheeked, with fine blond hair and stuffy clothing. He rocks himself, head cocked slightly to the side.
All of the assistants SCREAM.
Tim sprints back down the tunnel for a few strides––then stops himself. After a moment, he turns, and inches back to the doorway, breathing hard. When he shines his torch into the room, the man has not moved, but he seems more aware of his surroundings. His glassy eyes turn to Tim.
Tim: Oh my GOD, oh my god. What the fuck? Who the hell are you?
Leitner: I. I am Jurgen Leitner. Yes. I am Jurgen...Leitner.
Sasha: Wait, that Jurgen Leitner?
Martin: This doesn’t...make any sense. Why would he be beneath the Institute?
Leitner: I am in hiding.
Something flashes in the man’s eyes, and he shudders.
Leitner: I was in hiding.
Tim: Right. Okay, we have a lot of questions for you, but first of fucking all, did you see a guy come through here?
Leitner, his lip curling: Not a man. He wasn’t... It wasn’t human. It attacked me. It Looked at me, and made me talk. It made me say everything .
His stare, directed at Tim, is suddenly urgent. He struggles to his feet, and Tim takes a big step back.
Leitner: You need to take it away, please . I can’t live knowing it is down here with me. Other creatures, yes, but not that thing. I’m begging you, take it away.
Leitner’s gaze drifts as he loses himself once again. Almost on their own, his hands come up to rest over his mouth.
Leitner: Its eyes...God, its eyes …
Tim stumbles away from the room and hurries down the tunnel. On the screen, Martin and Sasha’s faces are tight with shock.
Tim, under his breath as he walks: Hey, guys, what the fuck.
Martin: He couldn’t be talking about Jon, right? I mean, that’s...that’s crazy. Right?
Sasha: The description did match up, in a way. But Jon is clearly a human. I mean, really. Even if he terrorized somebody, that doesn’t make him a...a creature .
Martin: Yeah, exactly. So. It can’t be him.
Sasha, unconvincingly: Yeah.
Tim: Okay, but that doesn’t help us, because now we don’t know if he’s actually been sighted by our resident tunnel man.
Tim reaches an intersection where the tunnel splits into three, the middle one continuing directly forward into darkness, the other two gently sloping off in opposite directions. Tim sighs and takes the center tunnel.
Tim: God, this place is a maze. I’m just going to not make any turns if I can help it. Wait. Do you see...What is that?
Tim stops walking. He shines the torch beam into the blackness. Far down the tunnel, the light just barely catches on the form of something curled against the wall.
Martin, softly: Do you think…?
Tim: Jon?
His torch flickers.
Tim: Oh, fuck no. Don’t you dare go out. Don’t you––
The torch flickers again, and the figure down the tunnel moves, slowly. It unravels, and stands. Something glitters, floating, in the darkness around it. Many, many somethings, blinking in the light of the torch like wet, green shards of glass.
Martin: Tim.
Sasha: Tim, you need to leave. Right now.
Tim: But...what if it’s Jon? We have to help him. We promised we’d help him.
Sasha: And what if it’s not Jon? You can’t help him if you’re dead!
Tim, calling out: Boss, hey! It’s me, your very attractive, equally claustrophobic assistant. D’you think it’d be cool if we could go back up to the archives right about now?
Sasha: What’s that noise?
They all pause to listen. Sure enough, there is a new sound humming and clicking in the quiet of the tunnels, seemingly emanating from the figure. It takes only a moment for all three of them to recognize it.
The video warps. The figure is now facing Tim, his eyes bright like reflectors. He takes a smooth step forward, then another, and now pinpricks of green light open along his arms, his neck, his face, and the glittering things floating in the nearby darkness push forward like a mass of gnats.
Eyes. Hundreds of bodiless, crystalline eyes.
The purr of a tape recorder seems to come from every direction, echoing off the stone walls. Tim’s torch flickers again, and again, and each time, the figure and the eyes are closer, even as Tim backs away. The video lags, and fragments, and twists.
Tim: It––’s him, I––––J–n–!–H––w––––s–––I––––]
-Call ended-
“we lived bitch”
Waterfelled: Tim ???
Sunken Treasure: im trying to call him but it’s not connecting !!
Waterfelled: I’m in the archives . I’m going to try and find him .
Sunken Treasure: wait im on my way!! i should go with you!!
Waterfelled: No, Martin, I need you to be on the outside, just in case something goes wrong . Let’s say I get lost . You can direct me back, even if that means shouting at me from the tunnel entrance .
Sunken Treasure: i mean. i guess so? i really dont like this
Waterfelled: Neither do I, but we don’t have a better option .
Waterfelled: I’ve got a torch . I’m entering the tunnels now .
Sunken Treasure: im almost to the archives, ill be waiting at the entrance when you come back
Waterfelled: Perfect .
Waterfelled: I’ll keep you updated .
Sunken Treasure: ok!!
5:41 am
Waterfelled: Just had a very short chat with Leitner . He’s a mess of a man . I think he was trying to be hospitable, but something about him made me want to punch him .
Sunken Treasure: um. did you?
Waterfelled: No, I don’t know if he’s dangerous, what with all those books connected to him .
Sunken Treasure: ah yeah. probably wouldnt be best to get cursed by hurting him :/
Waterfelled: Maybe later. :)
Sunken Treasure: ha, yeah
Sunken Treasure: any sign of tim? or jon?
Waterfelled: No, but I believe I’m getting closer to where we last saw Tim .
Waterfelled: It shouldn’t be much farther th
Sunken Treasure: ?
Sunken Treasure: sasha??
Sunken Treasure: are you ok???
Sunken Treasure: im doing my best to think positively but if you dont respond for five minutes im going to have to come down after you. i know you said to stay up here but. well. the plan has changed.
Sunken Treasure: this is NOT going to be another water park situation. i wont let it be.
Sunken Treasure: three minutes left before im going down. yes thats a threat!
Waterfelled: I’m here .
Sunken Treasure: oh thank god
Sunken Treasure: what happened??
Waterfelled: I’m sorry for scaring you ! Everything’s fine, we’re heading back .
Sunken Treasure: wait, “we”?
Waterfelled: Yes, Tim came marching out of the darkness and scared the hell out of me . He’s carrying Jon, who seems fine aside from being unconscious .
Waterfelled: Apparently, when Jon got close enough, Tim threw the mannequin foot at his head . Knocked him right out !
Sunken Treasure: huh
Waterfelled: Yeah lol
Sunken Treasure: ...so that really was jon
Sunken Treasure: what we saw, i mean
Waterfelled: Yes .
Waterfelled: Martin ? Still there ?
Sunken Treasure: yeah, im just. thinking.
Sunken Treasure: im so scared for him, sasha.
Sunken Treasure: and how am i supposed to help him with this? i dont know how to de-entity him!! i cant save him from whatever he’s become.
Sunken Treasure: and it’s my fault, if you stop and think about it
Sunken Treasure: i was the one who talked to mx. eberson that day. i was the one who got us the invitation to the water park, the one who told them about our connection to elias.
Sunken Treasure: if it werent for me, jon would be fine
Sunken Treasure: he’d be happy, maybe.
Sunken Treasure: god, everything was so good before. and now we cant go a day without something terrifying coming to meddle with our lives.
Sunken Treasure: it all just feels hopeless
Sunken Treasure: i dont know what to do. i dont know how to fix it.
Waterfelled: You don’t need to fix it, Martin . That’s not your responsibility, even if you think it is .
Waterfelled: We’ll figure this out together, just like we always do, okay ?
Sunken Treasure: i guess so.
Sunken Treasure: i mean. yes. you’re right.
Sunken Treasure: we’ll figure it out.
Waterfelled: Tim and I are nearly back . We can talk more once I’m out of this horrifying place, okay ?
Sunken Treasure: okay. sure.
5:59 am
Tim to Martin
Tim: hey marto,, find any snacks for the boss?
Martin: im doing my best, but there are so many statements that are just rubbish.
Martin: ive already read a few sentences from a dozen different ones and they all record digitally.
Martin: is he awake yet?
Tim: nope, still snoozing on the couch
Tim: he looks so normal, it’s wild. no extra eyes or anything. just an exhausted, overworked archivist. kinda makes me feel like i hallucinated that whole thing before tbh
Martin: it does feel a bit like a fever dream, doesn’t it?
Tim: this whole morning has felt like a fever dream
Tim: actually, speaking of which,, you should def get some rest, my friend. youre still sick, so youre probably even more tired than the rest of us
Tim: sasha’s making tea at the moment, but once she’s done she can take my place as the Jon Supervisor, and i can take your place as the Snack Finder, and then you can get some well deserved sleep
Martin: thanks tim, but im all right.
Tim: hmmmm,,,,,i detect lies
Martin: ok yeah fine, i can barely keep my eyes open.
Martin: i just um
Martin: i want to help him. and i cant do much, but i can at least do this.
Tim: yeah. i actually do get that
Tim: just let me know if you want to swap out at some point. statements are tiring to sort through, whether or not they’re the real deal
Tim: plus, i think jon will want to see you when he wakes up
Tim: yeah,,i know you’re “”””not together”””” but
Tim: he cares about you, martin
Tim: if it wasn’t obvious from the way he’s been acting when he’s around you, then take the fact that he texted only you, out of all three of us, before fucking off to the tunnels
Tim: have you ever considered, idk,, asking him out ;))))
Martin: nope, never! :))
Tim: haha yeah didnt think so!
Martin: thank you tim. seriously.
Martin: and i promise i’ll come back in as soon as ive found a real statement.
Martin: just please let me know if he wakes up?
Tim: smh,,, of course i will
Tim: but you’ll have to deal with the grumpy bossman once he’s up, im not fuckin,,,equipped for that
Martin: ha! okay.
Martin: it’s a deal :)
Chapter End Notes
dont look at me, jaz_hands caused this
i feel the need to remind you guys that this fic does in fact have a happy ending. no one is going to die, everything will be okay! every once in a while i just like to spice things up yk ;)
Kudos are always appreciated, and comments are always read, responded to, and stored in my closet along with my favorite knickknacks and also a squirrel skull that i found on the sidewalk
you can chat with me @starryknightart on insta or on the discord: https://discord.gg/G6XPzhY
EDIT: There is ALREADY ART of monster jon! Go look in "the library of cursed elias" right now!! im 🥺 🥺
separation
Chapter Summary
Jon and Martin reflect.
Chapter Notes
hey guys, just to let you know, next week there will be no update because the end of this semester is kicking my ass :( hopefully i will have time to write again soon.
(also i realize that the chapter name is sort of misleading - jon and martin are NOT breaking up. i'm referring to physical separation here.)
See the end of the chapter for more notes
Thursday, 7:09 am
“we lived bitch”
Sunken Treasure: on a coffee run, do either of you want anything?
Tubed: you’re what
Sunken Treasure: please don’t make me type it again :/
Waterfelled: Talk to us, Martin . What happened ?
Waterfelled: You seemed fine sitting with Jon, but then you suddenly left ?
Sunken Treasure: it’s nothing, just needed some fresh air
Sunken Treasure: so should i pick up anything while i’m out or?
Tubed: no, we’re good bud
Sunken Treasure: okay.
Sunken Treasure: um. has he woken up yet?
Waterfelled: Yes ! We were about to tell you .
Tubed: yeah the boss was super disoriented at first,, tbh it would have been sort of funny under other circumstances
Tubed: but then he started piecing together what happened
Tubed: he remembered finding leitner and just,,,Knowing it was leitner, but not really caring that the guy happened to be living under the institute? to jon it felt like,, somebody with a story, and that’s all he was thinking about at the time
Tubed: apparently the rest of it was sort of a blur for him. i mean, understandable, since he didn’t have a torch or anything,, he was just walking around in the dark. then eventually i came along, and he didn’t even know it was me, he just sort of,,,sensed it was another Person with Trauma, and he acted on that
Tubed: marto, when he remembered..,he couldn’t even fucking look at me
Tubed: you picked a damn perfect time not to be here, like you’ve been spared the awfulness that is watching jon slowly hate himself more and more
Waterfelled: Right now he is in his office reading the statement you found for him . He said he’s going to stay in there until he’s certain that he has it all under control, which is not unreasonable . Still, Tim and I have been doing our best to keep an eye on him through the window, just to make sure he doesn’t go back into the tunnels or do something stupid .
Waterfelled: He asked about you, right when he woke up . He asked where you were, if he had done something to you .
Tubed: obv he was super relieved to learn that you were fine, just out on an errand or whatever, but uhh. still might be good for you to text him yourself and let him know you’re good? he’s in a weird headspace and maybe it would help him
Sunken Treasure: yeah, maybe. thank you both for letting me know.
Tubed: np ;)
Waterfelled: Of course .
Tim to Sasha
Tim: hey wtf was that
Sasha: I have no clue .
Sasha: What I wouldn’t give to have Jon’s ability to Know things right now !
Tim: like what could possibly have happened?? we were both across the room so that they'd have some space, bc we’re polite, and martin seemed perfectly happy to sit with jon, but then?? he just left??
Tim: it’s not like jon said something,,,he was unconscious??
Sasha: Unless he said something in his sleep ? Although I think we would have heard it . It’s not like we were far away .
Sasha: I guess we’ll find out whenever Martin’s ready to talk to us .
Tim: good in theory, except that i am Impatient
Sasha: I know .
Tim: im going to subliminally bug him until he breaks,,, im sending him my thoughts,,,Tell Sasha And Tim Why You Are In A Panic!
Sasha: Surely that will work .
Tim: 5% of the time, it works 100% of the time ;)
Sasha: Impressive statistics !
Sasha: Also, have you broken into Elias’s office yet ?
Tim: yeah, he hasn’t updated his locks because he thinks we’re still quaking in fear of his all-mighty mind powers
Tim: like,,,joke’s on you, loser, the only thing we’re afraid of is water, tight spaces, isolation, abandonment, clowns, spiders, the Fears that run our world, and also pretty much everything else
Tim: everything EXCEPT our twink double-boss
Tim: still, we’re going stealth this time,,,and ngl i thought that subtlety wouldnt be fun but i was sO wrong
Tim: i cant stop thinking about how he’ll find this little origami man labeled “Bad Spooky Boss” in his cabinet, and later he’ll find a pen that isn’t his, and a little scrap of paper from a magazine, and he’ll gradually lose his mind trying to figure out what all this random shit is and what it all means
Sasha: It’s about time we tried something different ! Variety, and all that .
Tim: truly
Tim: how’s jon doing?
Sasha: He seems to have finished reading the statement, and is now pacing . It’s hard to tell through the window, but I think he looks a little better . He seems more lucid, but also more worried .
Tim: i guess i’ll hold off on joking in front of him ;))
Sasha: Joking about what ?
Tim: so glad you asked
Tim: joking about the fact that i’m now a boss-certified snacc ;)
Sasha: Oh my god .
Sasha: I’m not even drinking anything and I STILL choked .
Sasha: Why, tim ? Why are you like this ??
Tim: i just say it like it is ;))
Sasha: Sometimes….I wish you wouldn’t .
Martin to Jon
Martin: are you feeling any better?
Jon: Yes, I think so.
Jon: I’m still going to remain in the archives until I’m more confident, however.
Martin: sure, if you think that’d be best
Jon: Martin, I need to apologize.
Martin: you don’t, jon. this isnt your fault.
Jon: I mean about my texts earlier. It was wrong of me to communicate like that, and I’m sure it caused you a lot of undue stress.
Jon: I was terrified that I would hurt you, so I wrote what I thought was necessary to write before leaving.
Martin: i understand
Jon: Good.
Jon: I mean, that’s good to hear.
Jon: Do you think you’ll be back soon?
Martin: probably
Jon: Ah.
Jon: Well, I’m glad.
Jon: See you then, I suppose.
Sasha to Martin
Sasha: I never thought I’d ask this, but are you being mean to jon :(
Martin: what? no!!
Martin: i mean im not trying to!!
Martin: it’s just. it’s hard to talk to him right now i guess
Martin: wait, why do you ask??
Sasha: I saw him stop pacing to text somebody (I’m assuming you, since he was very quick to grab his phone) and now he’s slumped at his desk, looking sad .
Martin: oh no
Sasha: Look, I want to give you space to process things, but really, Martin . What is going on ?
Martin: ok. um.
Martin: it’s pretty ridiculous, mind you.
Martin: im not entirely sure where to start
Sasha: You can start at the beginning ! :)
Martin: ha! very insightful thanks :))
Martin: ok so um. you know when jon and i went on that walk the other day? and i was going to tell him how i felt?
Martin: well, i did! and actually, he did too!
Martin: which was. wow, it felt completely unreal, like he felt the same way?? about me??
Sasha: That’s amazing, Martin ! I’m so happy for you !
Martin: thanks :) but yes, so we decided to start (secretly) dating, and i know it’s only been a few days, but it’s been an absolute dream
Martin: anyways, um
Martin: i told you that he messaged me this morning about leaving, that he was feeling out of control
Martin: but i didnt tell you all of it. he also said that it would be a bad idea for us to continue seeing each other. so.
Martin: i guess that was his way of trying to neatly end things? if he never came back?
Martin: except that he is back, and at first i assumed this meant those texts were um. negated? because he’s okay now? and he’s here? which means we’re still together?
Martin: but now im thinking
Martin: maybe he really did mean it. in the texts.
Martin: maybe he realized that it was a mistake. agreeing to a relationship with me. maybe, i dont know, back when i confessed to him, he got caught up in the moment and “confessed” to me too?
Martin: i mean, when the water park happened, jon wasn’t sure if he was ever going to see any of us again. and as far as i know, we’re his closest friends? so it would make sense that he’d latch onto that connection, and maybe rather than tarnish it, he’d say he liked me back. or even worse, he’d say it as a sort of pity thing. because like. i was drowning, for a week. and i almost did drown, near the end. and how can you reject someone who has just been through something like that?
Martin: i shouldnt have told him so quickly. it was stupid of me to put him in such a position. and now i just wish he would drop the act, because it’s worse when i know that he’s pretending to care about me. i would rather him hate me honestly. it would hurt so much less.
Sasha: Martin, I think you need to take a step back and look at this from an outsider’s perspective . Because, yes, all the little bits and pieces of your theory fit together . But that doesn’t necessarily mean it's true .
Sasha: You don’t know what Jon meant by those messages . It’s safe to say he wasn’t entirely clear-headed when he sent them .
Sasha: Also, to be blunt, it seems like quite the stretch for Jon to fake interest in you ? I mean, you didn’t even ask him out, did you ?
Martin: no, i told him how i felt, and i said it was okay if he didnt feel the same. i just needed to tell him.
Sasha: Exactly ! Which means he wouldn’t have “rejected” you by saying he didn’t share those feelings; you weren’t asking him for anything .
Martin: i guess :/
Sasha: I just think you need to talk to him . You need to trust that he’ll tell you the truth .
Martin: id rather do it later :/ i dont want him to even think about me right now
Sasha: Why ? :(
Martin: ...well, ive noticed that when he thinks about certain people or things, he’s more likely to accidentally Know things about them.
Martin: and um. assuming that he meant it when he said that we shouldn’t be together
Martin: i dont want him to think that i just ignored that?
Sasha: Wait, I feel like I’m missing something here ? What don’t you want him to Know ?
Martin: um. so.
Martin: you know i was sitting with him, when he was asleep
Martin: and, well, i assumed we were still together
Martin: so i kissed him on the forehead :(
Sasha: And this is...a bad thing ?
Martin: yes, because if he Knows i did that, he’ll think i wasnt respecting his wishes to break up :(
Sasha: Martin .
Sasha: Are you telling me that All Of This stems from you going into an internal panic about giving your boyfriend a kiss on the forehead ?
Martin: we dont know that hes still my boyfriend :((((
Sasha: Okay - meet me at Rosewater Café, we’re getting tea and some breakfast, and we’re going to have a chat .
Sasha: This is not optional !
Martin: um….ok :/
8:28 am
Tim to Jon
Tim: hey boss, how are you holding up in there?
Jon: I’m fine, surprisingly enough.
Jon: And I should be the one asking you how you are doing.
Tim: im good. id be having more fun if i werent playing cooking mama by myself in the break room….
Jon: Tim, I attacked you a few hours ago. I’m not going to risk it.
Tim: aw
Tim: and you didn’t attack me, you /tried/ to attack me, there’s a difference ;)
Tim: plus it wasn’t really you, you know? it was like if you were possessed by an eyeball demon
Jon: Ah. Right. An important distinction.
Tim: just putting it out there - i dont blame you, jon. ik you probably want me to, because that would make things more straightforward, but too fucking bad,,,,you’re not going to stop being my friend? just because you’re an eldritch terror? lmfao
Jon: I don’t understand how you are so unaffected by this.
Tim: practice ;)
Jon: Hm.
Jon: Ah, it seems Sasha has left the building?
Tim: yeah she wanted me to tell you she’s getting breakfast with marto but they’ll both be back afterward
Jon: ...And you didn’t want to join them?
Tim: leaving you alone at the institute, especially in this condition, is against the squad rules!
Jon: Oh. I apologize for making you miss out.
Tim: nah it’s fine, i got the sense there was something sasha wanted to talk to martin about in private anyway
Jon: Martin has been fairly elusive this morning, it seems.
Jon: I was wondering if you knew why that was?
Tim: god i wish, sasha and i realized he was being weird the moment he said he was going out on a “coffee run” and my life hasnt known peace since then
Tim: i bet sash figured it out, and thats why she’s off with martin. pretty rude not to share that info with the rest of the class if you ask me
Tim: have any theories, Fear Google?
Jon: Unfortunately, yes.
Tim: oh,,,do tell?
Jon: I think it’s rather obvious. Martin is afraid of me.
Jon: Now that he understands what I have become, he wants nothing more to do with me. He probably feels tricked.
Tim: tricked into what, like,,,being your friend??
Tim: and by friend i mean…. ~friend~ ;)
Jon: …
Tim: oh come on it’s obvious you two are a thing
Jon: Were.
Tim: were??????
Tim: boss i stg youd better not tell me you broke up with marto. because there’s no way he broke up with you
Jon: Well, I suspect he wants to now that he’s seen me. So I’m assuming we’re through.
Jon: That’s part of why he’s avoiding me. He has finally recognized how dangerous I am, and he is acting accordingly. Not that I blame him. It is in his own best interest, after all, seeing as I could so easily ruin his life.
Tim: ok im losing my fucking mind
Tim: jon, do you know the first thing martin said after finding out what you were? the very first thing?
Tim: he said “I’m so scared for him.”
Tim: FOR him.
Tim: the moment the three of us were back in the archives, martin started looking for a statement that you could read as soon as you woke up. even though he was exhausted and sick. and not because he was afraid of you, but because he wanted to help, and he didn’t know how, so he did the only thing he could think of
Tim: all martin wants to do is take care of you, jon. because that’s the kind of person he is. and because that’s how much he likes you.
Tim: look, i dont know why he’s being weird right now, but i can tell you it has nothing to do with him being afraid of you. that’s just not a thing.
Jon: Oh.
Tim: yeah
Tim: whenever he gets back, you two need to have a conversation. as in, face to face, not hiding behind your phones. yes, that means you need to be in the same room. and no, sasha and i are not going to supervise to make sure you dont get spooky, because believe it or not, we all trust that you’ll know whether or not youre going to lose control
Jon: I should be fine, in theory. I just took a live statement, as well as a written one. That should be enough.
Jon: Still, it doesn’t prevent me from feeling anxious about the notion of letting myself near any of you.
Tim: let’s fix that ;)
Jon: What.
Jon: Tim, do not come in here.
Tim: but boss, i havent gotten a high-five from you in ages ;))
Jon: Tim, I’m being serious. Do not come near me.
Jon: Please don’t come near me.
9:21 am
Tim to Sasha
Tim: guess what
Sasha: What?
Tim: no you have to guess
Sasha: The secret race of technologically advanced amphibious jellyfish that live underground have risen to claim human civilization as their own ?
Tim: pff. you wish
Tim: no, jon gave me a high-five. the second one ever!!
Sasha: How did you convince him to do that ??
Tim: literally the exact same as last time,,,i cornered him, held out my hand, and said i wasn’t leaving until i got that sweet, sweet high-five
Tim: the method is tried and true, works like a charm ;)
Tim: i also gave him a big hug because he looked like a wreck and it was making me sad
Sasha: Aw, I’m glad you did :’)
Sasha: And it was okay for you ? Hugging him ?
Tim: actually yeah. i think it was because i was doing most of the hugging, so it didnt feel very restrictive. also the boss is Small
Sasha: That makes sense !
Tim: i have leveled up to Lite Hugs ;) im speedrunning trauma-induced claustrophobia ;)))
Tim: how’s the spontaneous café date with marto going?
Sasha: It’s going okay . I think Martin is just working through a lot right now, but he’s making progress .
Tim: damn,,,good for him
Tim: i hope he’ll be down to talk to jon when he gets back, because ive been chatting with the boss,,,and i feel that if some communication doesn’t happen between then soon, there will be a lot of really unnecessary distress
Sasha: Don’t worry, after the conversation we’ve just had, I’m fairly confident that talking to Jon will be the first thing Martin does !
Tim: oh bless
Sasha: Also if you want to talk about anything that’s been bothering you (including the events of this morning) we can definitely do that, too .
Tim: i mean,,, we could
Tim: but also, ive been sitting here, playing cooking mama,,,
Tim: and it’s no fun when you’re just playing it by yourself, sash
Tim: flipping virtual crepes does not fill the void in my soul
Tim: especially since i suck at it, and i keep burning the batter and hearing that little disapproving jingle of failure before mama dropkicks me out of the game
Sasha: I guess we could play a few rounds :)
Sasha: I won’t go easy on you, though…
Tim: oh of course
Tim: i wouldn’t have it any other way ;)
Chapter End Notes
My original notes for this chapter were something along the lines of
"lil kiss on forehead :)"
and
martin: i think he broke up with me...
tim and sasha, grabbing pitchforks: he bro k e up w i th y ouI hope that chapter will sustain y'all for two weeks,,,or at least that it won't irk you, since I didn't end on a cliffhanger. Because I am sometimes a nice person!
I wish everyone who celebrates it a lovely (or at least not-terrible) Thanksgiving! eat lots of pie, or else
Kudos are always appreciated, and comments are always read, responded to, and utilized as fuel for the motivation I need to finish this semester :I
You can chat with me @starryknightart on insta <3
looking the other way
Chapter Summary
Sasha goes on a secret mission; Martin reconsiders Jon's self-isolation.
Chapter Notes
welcome back! it's already been two weeks somehow. hopefully you guys havent forgotten everything that happened before this chapter? i know i would, my memory..leaves something to be desired.
either way, i hope you enjoy this update, which i finished writing like three hours ago :))
See the end of the chapter for more notes
Thursday, 10:40 am
Sasha to Tim
Sasha: Are Jon and Martin still talking things out ?
Tim: actually, i think they’re finally done,,, I mean you’d hope so, after like an hour lmao
Tim: they've moved from the archives into the break room and rn they’re on the couch wrapped in blankets, like,,it’s fucking cute ok? whether or not they are actually a thing now, which they shoULD be
Tim: I am Resisting the urge to joke with them about it because i live in constant fear that you will once again take away my identity privileges
Tim: sash, between marto having a cold and jon recovering from his lil monster mash, we have two sick boys to take care of, and that,,,is Two more than I can handle on my own so uh come back from your mysterious errand soon
Tim: should I give them beets? i think there’s something about beets being good for the immune system??
Tim: or is that radishes
Tim: what is the difference between beets and radishes
Tim: would reading Jon a statement in the form of a bedtime story make me an instant avatar of the eye, like instant oatmeal where I’m the oats and the eye’s annoyance @ my personalized narration of its statements is the heat,,,,or would doing that just make jon threaten to take my life ;)
Tim: “Once upon a time, in a magical, far-off land called Manchester, there lived a young woman who kept finding finger bones in her washing machine…”
Tim: citrus is good for something health-related im p sure.
Tim: im going to squeeze oranges into their tea and not say anything
Tim: turns out we don’t have any oranges
Tim: change of plans, im going to squeeze apple slices into their tea because an apple a day keeps the doctor away
Tim: shit,,,,they’re going to need to drink a fukton of tea to get a full apple’s worth of juice
Tim: id better get started
Sasha: Tim, no !
Sasha: Maybe just give them some tea with ginger and honey, that should help .
Sasha: I will be back from my “mysterious errand” at some point today !
Tim: u n h e l p f u l
Tim: i dont want you to miss it when elias starts freaking out over all the random objects we put in his office,,like it could be any second now, and jon’ll be like “Ah yes I am Jonathan Sims, the Local Eye Man, and I Know that these Things are Happening.”
Sasha: I read that in his voice and I hate it thank you so much <3
Sasha: I don’t know how long it will take, but trust me . It’s worth it .
Tim: ok obv i trust you so….guess i shouldnt complain
Tim: i will complain tho ;))
Sasha: I wouldn’t expect anything less ! :)
Tim: hEY
Tim: ;(
Sasha: :)
Tim: ........
Tim: ;)
Sasha: Glad you’ve come around .
Sasha: Do you think you could send me a sneaky picture of Jon and Martin ? I really want to see this .
Tim: miss james! scandalous!
Tim: [sent a photo: The picture is taken at a slight distance - from the doorway of the kitchenette - but Martin and Jon are clearly visible on the couch, draped in blankets, leaning onto each other. Martin appears to be dozing off, and Jon, though still awake, seems entirely relaxed with his head resting against Martin’s shoulder. Both of them have deep bags under their eyes.]
Sasha: That’s very sweet ! They look so tired though ...
Sasha: It’s good that Martin is getting some rest, I’ve been worried that all this stress will exacerbate his cold symptoms ...
Tim: yeahhh same
Tim: he seems to be doing ok at least
Sasha: That’s true . But you can’t always tell what someone is feeling, just by how they act, you know ?
Tim: haha. uh yeah.
Tim: anyway im going to bring them their ginger tea, no apples included! ….unless ;)))
Sasha: Tim, goodness gracious, do NOT give them apple-juice-tea .
Sasha: Tim ?
Sasha: Oh dear .
11:23 am
To: [emailprotected]
From: [emailprotected]
Subject: Invasion of Privacy
Annabelle,
I have recently discovered several items placed around my office. I Know that one of my Archival assistants placed them there, but I doubt he acted alone. Under normal circumstances, he may have wanted to “prank” me or attempt to irritate me in some manner. But these items are not inherently frustrating. Most of them are everyday office items such as pens and paper. Additionally, I have recently shown him his proper place, which certainly would prevent him from willingly inducing my anger. He is far too afraid of me to act on his own. For these reasons, I have come to the conclusion of your probable involvement.
Kindly keep your hands (and your co-conspirators’ legs) out of my business, and out of my Institute. This is your first and final warning.
With most severe regards,
Elias Bouchard
Head of the Magnus Institute
This e-mail may contain confidential or otherwise privileged information. If you are not the intended recipient(s), please delete it and notify the sender of the error.
11:52 am
To: [emailprotected]
From: [emailprotected]
Subject: RE: Invasion of Privacy
Elias -
Those are serious accusations.
Which assistant did this? Tim? Martin? And before you get into a huff about me snooping around, it’s not even hard to find their names. Everything is on the official institute website–– your website––for the world to see.
Maybe the culprit would like to come work with me instead. Aside from the fact that he broke into your office, which is dazzling on its own, it sounds like he hates you as a person. That’s a very strong qualifier. I think he and I would get along perfectly well.
In fact, I am interested to see what would happen if I were to pay your institute a visit. Are your threats as empty as they seem? Truly, what are you going to do to me? Look at me? I’m so scared.
I’ll remind you that I was Remade under the scrutiny of experimenters’ eyes. At this point, I’m so accustomed to the sensation of cold judgement on the back of my neck that it almost feels nostalgic.
Sorry you got scared over a pen.
Annabelle
2:19 pm
“we lived bitch”
Sunken treasure: so sasha, tim told me you’re on a secret mission of sorts?
Waterfelled: Of sorts …
Tubed: of skorts
Waterfelled: No, this does not involve skorts .
Tubed: not even jean skorts??
Waterfelled: Especially not jean skorts !
Waterfelled: Martin, are you feeling any better ? (And how did your talk with Jon go ?)
Sunken treasure: good news on both ends! feeling less sick, and jon and i had a proper chat, so we’re on the same page now :))
Tubed: hmm wonder what type of page that could be ;)))
Tubed: not that id know, im just uhhhh speculating ;))))))
Waterfelled: Timothy Stoker ! If Martin and Jon were together, and they felt comfortable enough to tell us, they would tell us . No need to drown the poor man in winky faces !
Tubed: no need, that is true,,,but a desire--a calling, if you will-- is what drives me ;)
Sunken treasure: um wait. im confused?
Sunken treasure: jon said he talked about this with you, tim. and i talked about it with sasha. so…both of you know that we’re together? :/
Tubed: w h A T DFGJSDJ
Tubed: sa shA
Waterfelled: Tim, you knew ??
Tubed: me?? yOU knew????
Tubed: i was tryign to be all stealth!! bc i thought it was supposed to be a s ecreT
Waterfelled: Well, I was doing the same thing ! Martin told me in confidence, so I didn’t want to share that information !
Waterfelled: I’m shocked and impressed, Tim, I know it has only been a few hours, but still . Not only did you NOT tell me about this, you didn’t even hint about it, aside from your usual “oooh hmm marto and jon ;)”
Tubed: i have never once said,, or texted, the words “oooh hmm marto and jon” but okay sasha pyjama
Tubed: like,,,currently im just wondering under what circumstances martin told you ;))
Sunken treasure: um
Tubed: yeah marto? got sth to say ??
Waterfelled: :)
Sunken treasure: i have nothing at all to say ever!
Sunken treasure: except that i appreciate both of you for being thoughtful, truly, that’s really kind of you.
Waterfelled: It’s what we’re here for ! Moral support and friendship and such <3
Tubed: ^yuh
Tubed: and dont think you have escaped me grilling u for details ;)
Tubed: im just waiting for the opportune moment,,,like maybe when both sasha and the bossman are back in the room, and there is no escape
Waterfelled: Hang on, is Jon not with you right now ?
Sunken treasure: sigh
Tubed: double sigh
Sunken treasure: he’s back in his office :((
Tubed: he’s a workaholic, like,, he should by all means be having a rest and relaxation day
Tubed: and i told him that. both of us did!
Tubed: but he went anyway, so marto and i have been keeping an eye on him. seems like he’s just going thru old statements and organizing things and shit. keeping himself busy
Waterfelled: Hm . I don’t like that .
Sunken treasure: me neither :(
Tubed: wait i have a brilliant theory
Tubed: u know schrodinger’s cat
Tubed: like if a cat is in a box, it could be alive or dead,,u just dont know,,,so it’s basically both?
Tubed: well jon is arguably a cat as a human
Tubed: if he’s in his office, and nobody looks at him, he could be an eldritch trauma muncher but also he could be miraculously cured
Tubed: schrodinger’s cat but elias’s archivist
Tubed: thots?
Sunken treasure: i mean. hate the name, first of all. but it’s the best idea we have, if you can call it an idea.... which is kind of sad to think about :/
Tubed: r u d e
Tubed: sasha, thots?
Waterfelled: That’s...weirdly logical, Tim .
Waterfelled: The Eye is always looking at Jon, right ? But if it suddenly stopped, then maybe he would stop being spooky ?
Sunken treasure: oh. yeah, actually. wow.
Tubed: see? im a genius
Tubed: now all we need to do is thwart an omnipresent god
Tubed: sasha can you pick up more apples on your way back
Waterfelled: Please tell me you didn’t do what I think you did .
Tubed: bone apple tea ;)
Sunken treasure: is that why my tea tasted like apples???
Tubed: nutrients! *finger guns*
Waterfelled: Martin, I am so sorry, I told him not to .
Sunken treasure: ...not your fault :((
Waterfelled: Also, I have to go, things are happening . Good things, but things I need to pay attention to .
Tubed changed Waterfelled ’s name to Keep your secrets
Tubed: right, marto and i will be here. waiting for you to get back.
Sunken treasure: not making apple tea
Tubed: not making apple tea
Tubed: yet
Keep your secrets: I’m not picking up apples on my way back .
Tubed: is that a promise ;)
Keep your secrets: I honestly don’t know how to respond, I am getting so many conflicting energies from you today .
Sunken treasure: he’s been trying to get to a “professional” level in every wii sports game for a few hours now and i think his brain is um. melted?
Tubed: i just want the bowling ball to go sparkly
Keep your secrets: I don’t .. know what that means ?
Sunken treasure: you get a different design if you earn enough points. it’s sparkly
Tubed: it’s sparkly yeah
Keep your secrets changed Tubed ’s name to Wii Sports Pro Bowler
Keep your secrets: There, now you can give yourself a break !
Sunken treasure: he collapsed onto the floor just now. very dramatically. as though he just ran a marathon.
Wii Sports Pro Bowler: sasha i owe you my life
Keep your secrets: I know <3
3:38 pm
Jon to Martin
Jon: You should drink water.
Martin: what?
Jon: You’re dehydrated.
Martin: oh! um. ok?
Jon: If you don’t drink something, you’ll feel more sick. And you’ll be well on your way to a headache.
Martin: that’s...kind of unsettling.
Martin: to hear about my own um. physical state?
Martin: i mean not like unsettling like bad!
Martin: it’s just freaky i guess
Martin: no no not that!! i mean um
Martin: out of the ordinary!
Martin: yes. that.
Martin: im not used to it, is what i mean
Jon: Right. I suppose it would be unsettling.
Martin: jon it’s just out of the ordinary, not unsettling :(
Jon: No, no, I see what you mean. I’m sorry, Martin. I didn’t think.
Jon: I’m trying to do better, but it’s
Jon: I can’t quite explain it. Half the time I feel like I’m slipping into a daydream. Like I can’t keep track of where I am, and all I have is this constant deluge of knowledge to steer me.
Jon: I find myself forgetting that not all knowledge is equal. Not all of it is wanted.
Jon: It’s frustrating.
Martin: yeah. wow um. that sounds absolutely terrible, honestly
Martin: why dont you come back to the breakroom, hm? i really think you should take the day off from work
Martin: i mean, boarding up in your office can’t possibly be helping you?
Jon: ...It is, actually.
Jon: Martin, I realize you must think I’m avoiding you. I’m just trying to ground myself. Sorting through statements does that for me. At least in a small way.
Martin: oh.
Martin: well, i can respect that, i guess :/
Martin: is it wrong for me to wish that you’d sort through statements...in the breakroom? :)
Jon: Ah. It isn’t. :-)
Martin: ...so does that mean you’ll come back in?
Jon: I’m not certain I should.
Martin: jon..
Jon: I know you think I’m being paranoid, but you can’t ignore what I did. What I became. Yes, I am stable right now, but for the time being, I am very nervous to be anywhere near you.
Jon: When I woke up this morning, after Tim brought me in, and I didn’t see you, I was certain I had done something to you. It was the worst feeling. It was like being back at the wave pool, when I lost sight of you, and I felt that first trickle of dread.
Jon: Obviously, in this instance, I was wrong. But the storm hasn’t passed, Martin. I am still dangerous, which is why I am still afraid.
Jon: After you and Sasha came back to the Institute, you and I talked about a lot of things, and I know I already said this, but I’m going to say it again, because I need you to know it. I need you to believe it. When I texted you telling you that we wouldn’t work, that we should stop being together, it wasn’t at all what I wanted. Not even a little bit. I was desperate. I was trying to toss you a shield. But it wasn’t a shield, it was just me, not thinking things through before doing them, and hurting the people I care about in the process.
Martin: wait, ok i know you have a lot to say, and just. i dont want this to turn into another apology? you dont need to apologize, jon. you really dont.
Martin: and i have things i want to say, too.
Martin: like im just now realizing ive been sort of...selfish?
Martin: you know i dont like the idea of you isolating yourself, but i mean. you aren’t wrong for doing it. you’re not being unreasonable. you’re not going into your office and sitting in a corner with the lights off and letting yourself disintegrate. you’re keeping yourself busy. you’re doing what is best for you, as you see fit.
Martin: and i guess i keep thinking about all the times you’d fall asleep at your desk, or miss a lunch break or stay up so late working that it was painfully obvious, when the rest of us came in the next morning, that you hadn’t even gone home.
Martin: but i know you’re not helpless, jon. and as much as sasha and tim and i tease about babysitting you, you’re not a child. you’re clever, and smart, and so much more capable than you give yourself credit for.
Martin: i trust you. but ive been doing a shitty job of showing it.
Martin: so ill really try not to badger you too much. and im going to stop pretending like the only reasons i dont like you being alone in your office are because it’s not what i, personally, think would be best, and because im worried that you’ll fall into your bad habits. it’s more than that. like i said, it’s totally selfish. i just um.
Martin: i miss you. and i want to take care of you. and i cant exactly do that when you’re not here with me. so.
Martin: that’s that.
Jon: Martin.
Jon: Could you come to my office, please.
Jon: Just for a moment, I don’t want to risk it too much.
Jon: Drink water first. You’re still dehydrated, and I don’t like that.
Martin: hm. and what if i dont drink water? :)
Jon: Ah. Well you can stay in the breakroom then, I suppose.
Martin: i
Martin: how did this turn into me doing two things for you or, or else i face the consequences?
Jon: It’s like you said. I’m clever. >:-P
Martin: how about i drink water and come to your office, and you never type that emoji ever again?
Jon: Sounds fair.
Martin: :’)
Tim to Sasha
Tim: sashA
Tim: dlkgfjdfks im evaporating from my body
Tim: marto just came out of the boss’s office and his face is like,,,so pink
Tim: he’s in the kitchenette now, waiting for the kettle, and he keeps touching this certain spot on his cheek
Tim: im f
Tim: the amount of control and poise i have, to be able to resist laughing at the top of my fucking lungs
Tim: jon really went,,I am now Allergic to Human Contact,,,,,Except! I Must give my boyfriend a Small Kiss.
Tim: thats valid of him tbh, like?? i respect him so much right now
Sasha: Oh my goodness, this news makes me unbearably happy !
Sasha: And you’ll be pleased to know that my secret mission is officially a success …
Tim: does that mean i finally get to know what you’re up to??
Sasha: Soon ! I’m about to do something slightly idiotic . Wish me luck :)
Tim: wh
Tim: w h a t
Tim: wait actually sasha, what
Tim: you’re not doing something legit dangerous right
Tim: like you’re not going to the waterpark
Tim: you’re not doing that right
Tim: sasha
Sasha: I’m not . Tim, I promise I’m not .
Sasha: It’s not ...quite that stupid ? I think ?
Sasha: I guess we’ll soon find out !
Tim: uhhhhh that is definitely not as comforting as you think it is but ok??
4:18 pm
To: [emailprotected]
From: [emailprotected]
Subject: RE: Invasion of Privacy
Hi Annabelle,
I read your email exchange with Elias . Sorry about him, he’s got his head so far up his own arse I’m surprised he can See anything at all . I’m guessing you know that already; you two seem to have a history, albeit a tumultuous one .
Tim and I are the masterminds behind the invasion of Elias’s office . I’m happy to see it properly irked him, although I’m not sure whether to be relieved or insulted that he doesn’t think Tim and I are capable of being the culprits . Despite what he did to us, we are far from cowering in his shadow .
I would have reached out to you via my own email, but I wasn’t sure whether or not you’d read it, since you don’t know me . I don’t know you, either, so I’m going out on a limb here . I can only hope I’m correct in assuming you are not on Elias’s side, that you wouldn’t mind it if he were to lose the ability to act like a pompous little god all the time . Because that is exactly what I want to talk to you about . For the sake of my friends and myself, I want to know how to take Elias down .
I will be deleting this email after sending it, so that Elias doesn’t see it . (A friend and I hacked his account, if that wasn’t clear .) Assuming you’re interested in talking more, please contact me any way you see fit––my info is, as you know, on the institute website. :)
All my best,
Sasha James
Archival Assistant at the Magnus Institute
Chapter End Notes
could this be *gasp* a turning point? maybe so...
jon when he first went into his office: right im going to think about organizing statements only. nothing else. then i'll limit what I Know, and ill be able to effectively isolate myself.
jon: *thinks about Martin*
jon: *Knows he needs to drink water*
jon: I must do something about this.Kudos are always appreciated, and comments are always read, responded to, and imbedded into my lifeforce like some sort of uhhh splinter? but like. good splinters. yes.
You can chat with me @starryknightart on insta <3
a guest for ms. spider
Chapter Summary
Sasha meets with Annabelle Cane; Tim schemes against Elias.
Chapter Notes
CW: Spiders!
Also, an important update - Although the semester is over, I've found myself with three separate long-term writing projects excluding this one, and that's...a lot. Plus, this story has sprawled into something so much more complex and detailed (and fun!) than I ever expected, which means I actually need to pay attention to things like character arcs and plot structure. So I will likely be updating every week and a half from this point forward. I'll really try to keep it at that, because two weeks just seems too long between updates, and I'll only resort to that if it becomes a necessity for my own mental health.
That said, thank you so much for continuing to follow this story. I realize it is LONG. I do have an end point in mind, I just have to figure out how to get there in the most entertaining way possible, so I appreciate your patience and support while I sculpt the rest of this thing :')
See the end of the chapter for more notes
Friday, 9:03 am
“we lived bitch”
Wii Sports Pro Bowler: hey just double-checking that yesterday evening was not a fever dream
Wii Sports Pro Bowler: like we did in fact order pizza and sit around sasha’s laptop and read elias’s emails for like 3 hours
Wii Sports Pro Bowler: and elias is actually jonah magnus,, that’s a thing we found out, mostly through really uncomfortable email-format flirting between him and peter lukas
Wii Sports Pro Bowler: like,, that happened in real life, right
Keep your secrets: It did .
Keep your secrets: And to make things even more strange, I’m currently on my way to a rendez-vous with an avatar of the Web !
Wii Sports Pro Bowler: oh shit i forgot you were doing that this morning, fuck
Wii Sports Pro Bowler: i shouldve gone with you
Wii Sports Pro Bowler: wait i can still go with you ill catch up give me two seconds
Sunken treasure: tim, she left over half an hour ago :/
Wii Sports Pro Bowler: yeah but im made of Speed
Keep your secrets: It’s all right, Annabelle knows I have some powerful people in my circle ! (AKA Jon :) ) I also said I’d meet her alone, and I don’t want to go back on my word, especially since she’s helping us .
Wii Sports Pro Bowler: yeah but spider people like manipulating and controlling, so,,,,i dont uhh trust that
Keep your secrets: I know, but this is the best option we have at the moment . I’ll be careful, Tim, I promise .
Keep your secrets: What have you two been up to since I left ?
Wii Sports Pro Bowler: well i just woke up so im chilling by the couch, and marto’s in the kitchenette, prolly making tea
Sunken treasure: tea without apples in it, thank you very much! :))
Sunken treasure: im actually feeling quite a bit better today! i feel like i've got more energy, i think
Wii Sports Pro Bowler: hm it mustve been the apple tea ;)) a Cure
Keep your secrets: Yes, or it was the fact that he got a lot of sleep, and that Jon made him drink water .
Wii Sports Pro Bowler: ok fine, compromise. it was all of those things combined
Wii Sports Pro Bowler: (but mostly the apple tea)
Sunken treasure: um speaking of jon
Sunken treasure: i know he sort of stood at the doorway to the breakroom while we read through most of the emails, so that’s good i guess. like he’s getting more comfortable being near us.
Sunken treasure: but still, he slept in his office. and he’s in there now.
Sunken treasure: i want to give him space to handle this the way that’s best for him, it’s just that. i dunno. i worry? i dont want him to be so scared of interacting with us. and i feel like if we continue to avoid it, there will always be this invisible barrier of insidious fear between us
Wii Sports Pro Bowler: first of all - hey marto do you uhhh write poetry or anything because ;)))
Keep your secrets: It’s the “insidious fear” for me .
Wii Sports Pro Bowler: second of all - good points, points i agree with, very pointy points
Wii Sports Pro Bowler: look, ive known jon for a hot second, and although he can be a damn,,, enigma, i know how his brain works. there are a few running themes you two would recognize (like throwing himself into a project, either to distract himself or because the project is all he can think about) but the one that matters here is that jon Needs to know how things work.
Wii Sports Pro Bowler: one time, back when we were in research, we got this assignment involving these weird books, probably leitners. they appeared normal, but the material they were made from was not quite right. it seemed like paper made from trees, u know, normal paper. but apparently testing had revealed that it was definitely not.
Wii Sports Pro Bowler: we were supposed to look into the instances where this material had been located,,,like, in order to find out if they all did the same sort of thing to the people who were in contact with them (made you think your skin was somebody else’s skin)
Wii Sports Pro Bowler: and i stg jon spent hours, DAYS, trying to figure out what the books were made of and where the material came from. it had fuckall to do with our assignment, but he just Had to know. even after we sent in our reports, i can guarantee you he kept looking into it.
Wii Sports Pro Bowler: what im saying is that jon has a hard time dealing with uncertainties. and this situation?? pretty much fits the bill. because he has no idea what will set him off again, and that’s paralyzing to him. in his mind, at any given moment he could slip into eldritch horror mode and start further traumatizing his coworkers.
Sunken treasure: so if we help him identify what set him off in the first place, that could help him?
Wii Sports Pro Bowler: that WILL help him
Sunken treasure: ok, but doesnt he already know…? i mean, it’s pretty obvious. he quit reading statements, so he got, erm. hungry?
Keep your secrets: Yes, statements were definitely the main cause . But there may be more to it than that ?
Keep your secrets: I’m just about to the meeting spot, I’ve got to go, I’ll check back in later . Talk to him please !
Sunken treasure: we will! and be careful
Wii Sports Pro Bowler: tell annabelle that if she does anything sketchy i have,, SO much bug spray
Wii Sports Pro Bowler: ok it’s boss confrontation time. mind if i give it a try first marto?
Sunken treasure: go ahead :)
Tim to Jon
Tim: jonathan
Jon: Yes, Timothy?
Tim: ew i take it back
Tim: let us consider, for a moment, wednesday
Tim: the eve of your Monster Mash
Jon: Yes, I know what day Wednesday was.
Tim: you hadnt been reading statements for, what, four days? after reading like thirty of them daily?
Jon: That is a bit of an exaggeration, but most generally, yes.
Jon: I see where this is heading, and I doubt it’s necessary. I already understand that I now require routine statements to remain of sound mind. That is not new information.
Tim: ok yeah but you didnt seem tooo worn out wednesday, right? like you were feeling run down, but not terrible
Tim: what im saying is you went from “a bit peckish” to “lovecraftian horror” in a matter of hours, so something specific set you off
Jon: Hm. That’s possible, I suppose.
Jon: I get the sense you have a theory?
Tim: fuck yeah i do
Tim: i dont remember how much of elias’s emails we skimmed and how much we read out loud, so idk what you heard, but he had this whole email to peter lukas where he was just,, shamelessly boasting about messing with our worst insecurities
Tim: right at the end of the email, he said that when you tried to influence him, to get him to stop, it momentarily worked
Tim: jon, i think that’s what happened. i think that’s what set you off.
Tim: you arent used to dealing with overpowered people like elias, so it would make sense that after pulling a stunt like that, you’d be utterly exhausted, and much more prone to Monster Mashing
Jon: Must you call it “Monster Mashing”?
Tim: why not?? it’s perfect
Tim: anyway youre avoiding my brilliant insights
Tim: if you keep taking statements, and you avoid doing anything beyond your limits, you should be completely fine.
Jon: ...That does seem logical.
Tim: that’s because it IS logical
Tim: also as a safe-guard, i could always knock you out with a mannequin foot again ;)
Jon: I’d rather avoid that in the future, but good to know, I suppose.
Tim: im about to force martin to look at ren faire inspo with me, care to join?
Jon: Ah. I forgot about that particular event
Tim: dw we dont *have* to do it this Sunday if you arent comfortable in public yet
Tim: but also like,,, youll get to see martin all dressed up so,,,those are the stakes here, idk what else you want from me
Jon: Hm.
Jon: For the record, I do already have a costume in mind. On the off-chance we attend.
Jon: But it couldn’t hurt to look at what other people have done.
Tim: sooooo is that a yes?
Jon: I’ll be there in a moment.
Tim: !!!!
Tim to Sasha
Tim: [sent a video: Martin sits on the couch sipping a cup of steaming tea and scrolling through images of Renaissance Festival costumes, mentioning which ones he thinks are high-quality and authentically woven, as well as the ones he thinks just look nice. Tim hums in agreement off-screen. The camera angle is such that it’s obvious the video is being taken secretly, from half behind a cushion.
A few seconds pass, then: the sound of a door creaking open. Martin turns to look. “Oh,” he says, softly. “Hi, Jon.” After a moment, Jon comes into view. Carefully, as though willing himself every inch of the way, he sits down next to Martin. They lock eyes. Jon opens his mouth to say something––then his expression shifts, as though he has just realized something. He looks dead into the camera. Tim snorts and immediately stops recording.]
Tim: so that happened
Tim: the Romantic Tension in this room, i swear
Tim: (i know youre still chatting with spiderwoman so no need to respond, im j giving updates)
Tim: the three of us are now browsing ren faire inspo and ooohohoh it is Coming Together
Tim: jon wont tell me what his costume plans are but the fact that he has them in the first place is enough
Tim: anyway, reasons we should get elias arrested -
Tim: 1. he admitted, extensively, to killing gertrude in his emails. (JON WAS RIGHT ABOUT THAT ALL ALONG DFGFKDLSJSFKLDFSKGJ) he also mentioned a tape that has evidence on it?? i bet we could use our resident spooky hidden-item-locator boss to find it
Tim: 2. he’s a prick
Tim: 3. with him in jail, it’ll be easier to figure out how to take him down. i mean, who wouldnt be more productive without the stress of thinking your creepy double-boss is telepathically Watching you, or about to walk in and traumatize you?
Tim: 4. he’s planning to do something involving jon. idk what since we didnt find much about it in his emails but like,,,im certain that whatever it is, it’s Really Bad.
Tim: 5. he said that the cursed photo of him is from his 2006 honeymoon, which implies that he has to specify which honeymoon it was, when talking to the same person he went on multiple honeymoons with. that’s probably illegal.
Tim: 6. 100% homophobic i dont care if he has a husband/ex-husband
Tim: 7. his bougie arse won’t survive prison. they won’t let that twink wear a business suit.
Tim: thanks for coming to my ted talk
Tim: hopefully he isnt looking into my thoughts rn lmao
Tim: i mean im glad you were being secretive about this yesterday, like it made sense once you explained it. if elias came in and looked into one of our heads and Knew that we were trying to hack his email, he probably would have done something to make sure we never got access. but since none of us three knew that you were doing that, he was in the dark along with us.
Tim: at this point, even if he did find out we hacked his email, we have what we’d need to lock him up so like,,,,what’s he gonna do?
Tim: still impressed that you hacked it ;)))) fuckin WILD miss james
Tim: anyway, ill leave you to your spider gossip
Tim: dont forget to tell her i have lots of bug spray….
10:36
Annabelle to Sasha
Annabelle: Safe travels back.
Sasha: I didn’t realize you had my phone number .
Annabelle: Found it on the institute website, of course.
Annabelle: I wonder, once you return to the institute, how much of our time together you will be sharing with the class…?
Sasha: If you’re implying I’m going to lie to my friends, you would be wrong .
Annabelle: Wouldn’t dream of it, Sasha. Lying is the cheap way of doing things, and neither of us are cheap. We like things to be done with a sturdy hand. Because that’s how reliable outcomes are woven into reality, don’t you think?
Sasha: Whatever you say .
Annabelle: You should tell them where we talked. I’m sure they’d be jealous.
Annabelle: Which reminds me, I wish you had taken the leftover champagne. You barely drank any. What am I supposed to do with the rest of it?
Sasha: I’d rather not drink champagne at ten in the morning, even if we were sitting in a frankly stunning lounge bar . I’m not sure if I should ask how you got access to it, or why nobody else was there .
Sasha: Also, I don’t know how much I trust you yet . So no, I am not about to bring my friends potentially dangerous champagne .
Annabelle: You trust me more than you did before.
Sasha: No, I understand you more than before .
Annabelle: Ha! Typical servant to the Eye. Do you know what the difference between trust and understanding is, Sasha?
Annabelle: When you understand someone, you know why they do what they do. And maybe that’s true for you, maybe you think you’ve gotten a glimpse into my brain--into the way I function, and what I stand for.
Annabelle: But if you understood me without trusting me, you wouldn’t have let me place a spider in your palm. I told you she wouldn’t bite, and she didn’t.
Annabelle: You let her crawl all the way up your arm.
Sasha: I was trying to be polite .
Annabelle: To me or Esther?
Sasha: Both .
Annabelle: How is she doing, by the way? Still at the base of your neck?
Sasha: Yes, and it’s taking all of my willpower not to swipe her off . She keeps twitching her furry legs, and it reminds me that she is not exactly small .
Annabelle: Good thing you have longer hair than me . People might get worried if they saw her crawling around back there .
Sasha: Esther and I will be parting ways as soon as I step into the institute, I’m not a personal taxi for your spiders .
Annabelle: I’m sure she appreciates the transport. I know I do. Elias is surprisingly good at keeping my babes out of his temple.
Annabelle: I hope you don’t mind if Esther comes out from the shadows every so often to visit you. I can tell she likes you. And she’s very cuddly.
Sasha: As long as I know she’s about to crawl on me, that should be fine .
Annabelle: You’re handling this much better than most would. You’re a natural.
Sasha: Well, you’re helping me with Elias, so it seems right to help you in return . That’s all it is .
Annabelle: That’s all? ::::)
Sasha: Yes, that’s all .
Annabelle: Aw, if you say so .
Annabelle: Text me any juicy updates that come along.
Annabelle: And don’t forget to think about my offer.
Sasha: I won’t .
Sasha to Tim
Sasha: 20+ unread messages Tim !! I was concerned !!
Sasha: I’m really glad that Jon came out of isolation though, that’s so good .
Sasha: And I agree we should put Elias in prison .
Tim: fjgdlsj perfect
Tim: how was your date with spiderwoman???
Sasha: She didn’t actually give me much information on Elias, but I did ask about his mortality, and I think she assumed I was considering straight-up murdering him, so she informed me that since we are all linked to him, if he dies, we die .
Tim: oh fuk,,, there goes my weekend plans i guess
Tim: how do we stop him tho?
Sasha: I’m not entirely sure . I’m meeting with Annabelle again soon, so hopefully she’ll give me more to go on .
Tim: did you tell her i have bug spray
Sasha: I did not !
Tim: betrayal
Tim: also jon wants you to know that he Hates the fact that you’re interacting with a member of the Web
Tim: he thinks that before you come to the break room, you should do a full-body check to make sure you have no spiders on you
Sasha: Will do :)
Tim: i feel like we should celebrate sending elias to prison like,,,should we get a cake? let’s get a cake. institute funds baybeee
Tim: the boss and marto agree.
Sasha: I agree !
Tim: sick. will you be back soon? we’re basically getting the police involved the moment you arrive
Sasha: Aw, thank you for waiting, I appreciate it . Yes, I’ll be back soon .
Tim: finally,, we’ll have an elias-less workplace, can you imagine?? bliss
Tim: cant wait to see his face when they slap him in cuffs
Sasha: This is shaping up to be a very good Friday !
Elias to Peter
Elias: Peter, this is Elias Bouchard. Respond at your earliest convenience.
Peter: Elias?
Elias: Ah, good, you’re here. I am currently text messaging you from my portable telephone. The program is somewhat unfamiliar but I am making do.
Peter: Forgive me for being a bit confused, but you normally talk to me via email.
Elias: Yes, Peter, I realize that. I would not be using this interface if not for the strenuous circumstances under which I have found myself.
Elias: Somehow, the Archival staff have infiltrated my e-mail account and have discovered evidence which they are planning to use to get me arrested. Prison would be far too bothersome to deal with at the moment, so I have decided to take an extended work break. The Institute will be notified of this before the end of the day.
Elias: Unluckily, this leaves the Institute without a director. I would appreciate it if you were to manage my affairs until I am able to safely return. You will be compensated for your time.
Peter: That is quite the conundrum, Elias. Pretty funny, if you ask me.
Elias: I didn’t ask.
Peter: I’m not sure if you remember, but I do have a life, and a full-time job. Why should I up and leave, especially to go work in a building that opposes my very nature?
Elias: Like I said, you will be compensated.
Peter: In what way?
Elias: You can have one of my Archival assistants. Martin is perfect for you.
Peter: That easy, huh?
Elias: I am slightly desperate. I don’t say this lightly.
Elias: You are the only person I trust to operate the Institute while I am indisposed. With anyone else, I wouldn’t be able to reliably predict how they would handle the position. With you, however, I can.
Peter: That seems different than trust, Elias. I think you just Know me. Even after all these years, do we trust each other? Truly?
Peter: Anyway, I’ll do it. I’m running low on shipmates.
Elias: Perfect. You will start Monday. I’ll send an itinerary.
Elias: And I do trust you.
Elias: We trust each other.
Peter: Oh, we do?
Peter: Good to know.
Chapter End Notes
that last exchange with peter and elias....disgusting
i hope you enjoyed this chapter! what do you think annabelle offered sasha...?
also, esther is a cuddly little lady :)
Kudos are always appreciated, and comments are always read, responded to, and made into the pages of the cursed books tim and jon had to research
You can chat with me @starryknightart on insta <3
subject line
Chapter Summary
The squad makes use of Elias's email.
Chapter Notes
I'm very glad I established last chapter that I'd be posting less frequently because this chapter was a MONSTER to write. It's long, and it's full of both plot and character nonsense. It is monstrous in other ways as well; some parts I can't even look at properly because I'll immediately start cracking up at how utterly cursed it is.
Without further ado, please enjoy what is likely the final chapter of 2020. See you in the New Year :)
See the end of the chapter for more notes
Friday, 6:39 pm
“there’s no ‘i’ in magnus but there is an ‘us’ <3”
The Piano Man: is everyone back home?
Nurse James: Yes !
Martin Enthusiast: I am.
Self-care supervisor stoker: yeah it’s weird. feels so empty
Self-care supervisor stoker: but hey, this week was fun guys
Self-care supervisor stoker: maybe not the Monster Mash parts or the traumatic elias parts but other than that we went hard ;))
The Piano Man: also that last bit with elias...
Self-care supervisor stoker: nooo i knowwww
Nurse James: We were so close to getting him !
Self-care supervisor stoker: ofc he had to flee, like the coward that he is
Martin Enthusiast: Well, he will no longer be physically at the Institute, at least for the foreseeable future. And that is a definite improvement.
The Piano Man: i mean yeah but like...where is he, though? it’s a bit worrying? he could be anywhere :/
Self-care supervisor stoker: shit,,,youre right,,I Hate that
Nurse James: He’s at the Hôtel Maison Souquet in Paris .
Self-care supervisor stoker: SDFHJKS WHAT
Self-care supervisor stoker: How
Nurse James: He is still logged into his email on his phone, so I used that to track his location :)
The Piano Man: of course he’s in paris. staying in luxury! x)
Martin Enthusiast: He can’t help himself, I’m afraid.
Self-care supervisor stoker: i bet he’s lounging in a hot tub this exact moment, drinking a margarita on the rocks
Self-care supervisor stoker: bastard
Nurse James: I’m guessing Peter Lukas will be less posh .
Self-care supervisor stoker: yeah but thats not hard lmao
The Piano Man: actually while we’re on the subject
The Piano Man: i know we all got that email about him taking elias’s place temporarily. but um. i also got an email directly from peter lukas.
Self-care supervisor stoker: oh gfod
Martin Enthusiast: Christ, what did it say?
The Piano Man: well
The Piano Man: he said elias “promoted” me to the role of peter’s personal assistant?
Nurse James: Oh dear .
Martin Enthusiast: I don’t like that. Not one bit.
Self-care supervisor stoker: this feels very scheme-y,,,,,elias or peter or both are def up to some evil bullshit
Self-care supervisor stoker: heres how we fix it gang
The Piano Man: that was suspiciously quick...
Nurse James: I’m quite interested to hear this :)
Martin Enthusiast: I am as well.
Self-care supervisor stoker: peter has never met marto, so maybe he doesnt know what he looks like
Self-care supervisor stoker: ill go undercover as martin,
Nurse James: But then you’ll be in the same position he would have been in .
Self-care supervisor stoker: wait there’s more
Self-care supervisor stoker: ill pretend to be martin, and every few days, we swap out. mondays and tuesdays, i am martin. wednesdays and thursdays, sasha is martin. friday, martin can be himself.
Martin Enthusiast: This is foolproof, Tim. What would we ever do without you?
Self-care supervisor stoker: stfu jonathan im brilliant
Self-care supervisor stoker: peter’s like,,,150 years old probably, who knows what his eyesight/memory is like
The Piano Man: yeah there’s no way im banking on him not being able to recognize the fact that multiple people are pretending to be me :))
Self-care supervisor stoker: this is fucking tragic
Self-care supervisor stoker: who will make us tea
Self-care supervisor stoker: who will provide immaculate comfort vibes all day long
The Piano Man: :(
Self-care supervisor stoker: ive said it before and ill say it again, martin withdrawal kills thousands each year,,,how will we Survive
Nurse James: Our next plan: find out Peter’s crimes, imprison him . Return Martin to the archives .
Self-care supervisor stoker: yes
Martin Enthusiast: Yes, or -
Martin Enthusiast: We could contact Elias and inform him of our desire to return Martin to his position as an archival assistant .
Martin Enthusiast: In this message, we would strongly suggest that he comply. That if he doesn’t, he may notice some unfortunate emails being sent out from his account.
Self-care supervisor stoker: bOSS
The Piano Man: :o
Nurse James: Jonathan Sims suggesting we resort to blackmail ? Is this real life ?
Martin Enthusiast: Well, we can hardly allow Martin to be put in danger.
Martin Enthusiast: Not more than he has already been, at least.
Self-care supervisor stoker: if i were physically there id be spraying you with a plant mister
Martin Enthusiast: Why? I’ve done nothing.
Self-care supervisor stoker: you know what you did
Self-care supervisor stoker: youre being moody because you think your Monster Mash put him in danger
Martin Enthusiast: To be fair, I was mostly referring to the waterpark incident. But you bring up a good point, Tim. That was a rather close call.
Self-care supervisor stoker: fuk
The Piano Man: dont make me come over there! that’s an actual threat! i’ll do it, jon! i’ll come to your flat and i wont leave until you stop thinking so lowly of yourself!
Martin Enthusiast: ...And this is supposed to be a punishment?
Nurse James: I just laughed SO LOUDLY .
Self-care supervisor stoker: the Homosexuality in this chat is astronomical
Self-care supervisor stoker: go get him marto ;)
The Piano Man: wait what nO
The Piano Man: im trying to get you to stop being mean to yourself :( so. stop it.
Martin Enthusiast: Hm.
Martin Enthusiast: No. No, I don’t think I will.
Self-care supervisor stoker: go geT HIM MARTO
Nurse James: I never realized Jon could simultaneously be so petty and so flirty .
Self-care supervisor stoker: he’s a man of many talents,,,new ones are discovered every day, much like species of insect, and reasons to hate elias
The Piano Man: ok haha yes, very cute, but im pretty sure youre joking? because like. you must be sick of me by now, we’ve been in the same place for nearly a week? surely you want some time to yourself?
Martin Enthusiast: In all seriousness, I’ve spent more than enough time alone.
Martin Enthusiast: I’m not saying you do one thing or another. But to answer you honestly, no, I am not sick of you. I am not sick of any of you.
Martin Enthusiast: Well. I could use a break from Tim.
Self-care supervisor stoker: wh AT THE HELL
The Piano Man: pffFFF
Nurse James: Jon stop making me laugh ! I have thin walls ! My poor neighbours !
Self-care supervisor stoker: after all i do for you
Martin Enthusiast: Such as?
Nurse James: JON .
The Piano Man: um tim? are you still alive over there??
Self-care supervisor stoker: nope im retiring from life. id like to thank you all for your support. all of you except jon :)
The Piano Man: tim using a normal smiley face is the scariest thing that has happened today.
Nurse James: Martin, you’d better go protect Jon from Tim’s wrath !
Martin Enthusiast: Yes, I’m clearly in mortal peril.
The Piano Man: clearly! id better come over then :))
Martin Enthusiast: I suppose you should. :-)
Self-care supervisor stoker: of course the one SINGLE time you type an emoji it’s the one with the nose
Self-care supervisor stoker: that’s what sixty-year-olds use, boss. you’re not helping your case for trying to convince us that you’re “”””thirty”””””””
Martin Enthusiast: I am thirty. I don’t know what you want me to say.
Martin Enthusiast: And I’ve used this emoji before.
Self-care supervisor stoker: uhhh i feel like i would have remembered this???
Martin Enthusiast: Ah. Nevermind.
Self-care supervisor stoker: ??????
The Piano Man: :))
Tim to Martin
Tim: i know you know whats going on
Tim: im begging u,,,,why is he being weird
Martin: hahah it’s really not a big deal
Martin: i just think he realized he’s only really sent smiley faces to me before, so he just exposed himself :’)
Tim: sdlksjskj jON
“there’s no ‘i’ in magnus but there is an ‘us’ <3”
Martin Enthusiast: I can send Elias an email with our request. Hopefully he will be prompt in his response.
Nurse James: You could do that .
Martin Enthusiast: ...I get the sense you have another idea?
Nurse James: That’s very astute of you :)
Nurse James: In considering what I know of Elias, of who he is as a person, I have come to the conclusion that even if we were to threaten him, he would find some way to make the situation end badly for us . Whether or not he were officially to retract Martin’s “promotion,” he’d still find a way onto higher ground, and we would be left stranded, at the mercy of whatever torrent he had stirred up for us .
Nurse James: What I’m saying is we shouldn’t bother with blackmail . We should go straight to punishment .
Self-care supervisor stoker: !!!!!!!!!!!
The Piano Man: my eyes are. SO WIDE.
Self-care supervisor stoker: s ahsa i am YELLING,,, i
Self-care supervisor stoker changed Nurse James ’s name to The cause of Elias’s downfall
The Piano Man: i feel genuinely afraid on elias’s behalf, which is something i never thought would happen.
The cause of Elias’s downfall: He deserves it . You know why .
Martin Enthusiast: Change of plans - we are not blackmailing Elias, but rather, we are destroying him.
Self-care supervisor stoker: fuckin agreed
The Piano Man: agreed!!
The cause of Elias’s downfall: Agreed .
Self-care supervisor stoker: well then,,,,,let’s get this party started >;)))
7:22 pm
Elias to Peter
Elias: Peter, I require immediate assistance. This is of terrible, terrible importance.
Elias: Peter. Contact me.
Elias: This involves you, if it weren’t clear from my blatantly obvious agitation.
Elias: I understand that you like to be alone with your thoughts, but this is no time for such piffle. I am in the midst of a crisis.
Peter: Elias, what in the world are you talking about?
Elias: I am unable to access my e-mail.
Peter: Is that all?
Elias: No, that is not “all.” Each of my attempts to regain access have been met with error screens and loading bars that never properly load. My account, along with the magnificent amount of both personal and private information that it holds, has been stripped away from me.
Elias: I Know that Sasha James is the central culprit. However, the other three members of the Archival team are certainly involved. I did not realize the depths to which I affected them. Their fear of me must be spurring them on.
Peter: That’s not great news. I don’t really know why you’d reach out to me for help, though. I’m not exactly well-versed in things like this.
Peter: Maybe you should call tech support?
Peter: Best of luck.
Elias: Wait, I’m not finished talking to you.
Elias: Peter, return.
Elias: Peter, “please” return.
Elias: Well, good riddance.
8:38 pm
To: [emailprotected]
From: [emailprotected]
Subject: An Overdue Thank You
Mx. Eberson,
I realize we haven't talked in quite a while, but I wanted to personally thank you for traumatizing my employees. I understand your intention for bringing them into the Buried was to get back at me, but you actually did me a huge favour. Because of you, my Archivist is much, much spookier than before. As an added bonus, his assistants are now scared of everything. It has made my job a lot easier. Sometimes I will walk into the break room, and they will cower in fear, or hide under the table. It is very funny. I love being feared. It is one of my favourite things!
In the future, I will send as many of my employees as I can muster to your waterpark. It would be a dream come true if all of them were to be traumatized. My ideal workplace is one in which I walk down the hall, and all I hear is the dulcet sound of my inferiors shrieking in terror.
Gratefully,
Elias “Beholding” Bouchard
P.S. I appreciate how overpriced some of your restaurants are. Spending exorbitant amounts of money is, as I’m sure you know, one of my most cherished pastime activities.
“there’s no ‘i’ in magnus but there is an ‘us’ <3”
The cause of Elias’s downfall: I have been laughing for the past five minutes . How dare you two do this to me !
Martin Enthusiast: The very first thing Martin said when I let him in was, and I quote, “I know who we’re going to email, and I know what we’re going to say.” So it’s mostly his doing.
The Piano Man: ok but jon contributed elias “beholding” bouchard, plus he typed out my thoughts in a way that sounded very elias-ish, so it was definitely a team effort :))
Self-care supervisor stoker: this email is the best thing i have ever fucking read
Self-care supervisor stoker: jon, martin, i love you
Self-care supervisor stoker: boss, im sorry i used to think you were incredibly uncool,,,,because as it turns out, you are almost as cool as sasha, which is saying something
Self-care supervisor stoker: elias “beholding” bouchard eviscerated me. i have no energy left to text. reading that masterpiece was like five hours of liquid adrenaline on hyperspeed and now i want to pass out
Self-care supervisor stoker: but first imma write an email of my own ;)
The cause of Elias’s downfall: Oh, I can’t wait !
“we lived bitch”
Sunken treasure: i have a feeling yours is going to be very fun to read. :))
Wii Sports Pro Bowler: yeah it WILL be
Wii Sports Pro Bowler: also why’d we switch to the jon-less chat? is there Drama?? ;))
Sunken treasure: pff no his phone is just full on storage, so he’s trying to offload some stuff at the moment. and if he kept receiving texts, the problem would get worse.
Keep your secrets: Haha, I’m glad he told me he was having storage problems earlier today ! As I showed him, it’s really quite an easy fix .
Wii Sports Pro Bowler: ok what the hell would jon even have enough of on his phone to max out the storage? ebooks?
Sunken treasure: i just asked him, and he was very um. vague? in his answer?
Wii Sports Pro Bowler: wtf,,,,bossman has Secrets
Wii Sports Pro Bowler: maybe it’s a ton of paranoia-driven notes and research from back when he thought sasha a) killed gertrude and b) was going to kill him
Wii Sports Pro Bowler: wait a sec, sasha, you’re being awfully quiet
Wii Sports Pro Bowler: you know what’s on his phone
Keep your secrets: I do !
Wii Sports Pro Bowler: ok what do you want in exchange? drinks on us? a manifesto on why shakespeare didnt actually write “his” plays? a vintage tea cup set made in Belgium? a bread bowl full of five cheese lasagna?
Sunken treasure: i actually do have a really nice recipe for white cheese spinach lasagna, just so you know :p
Keep your secrets: Wow, this is all so tempting ! I was going to give you a hint anyway, but I wouldn’t mind some home-cooked lasagna :)
Wii Sports Pro Bowler: we’ve been scammed,,we’ve been scrambled
Sunken treasure: um, tim? i think you’re the one who did this to us, to be honest
Wii Sports Pro Bowler: damn,,,maybe so
Wii Sports Pro Bowler: ok sasha pyjamas, pay up
Keep your secrets: Well, you know when you’re around your parents or grandparents, and they have a tendency to leave their phone flashlight on ? Or have the brightness completely up ? Or just generally not quite understand how to work a phone ?
Wii Sports Pro Bowler: i am so excited for wherever this is heading
Keep your secrets: It is possible that Jon sometimes accidentally opens up the camera function, like maybe he’ll swipe the screen when his phone is in his pocket ? And then (again, accidentally) he hits the record button :)
Wii Sports Pro Bowler: are you t
Wii Sports Pro Bowler: are you telling me that jon has enough 19 minute videos of the inside of his pocket that his phone stopped working
Sunken treasure: is it weird that i find that more endearing than funny? :’)
Wii Sports Pro Bowler: no it’s just very, very gay ;))
Wii Sports Pro Bowler: jfc thank god im not whipped for jon
Keep your secrets: *no longer
Wii Sports Pro Bowler: what
Sunken treasure: what
Keep your secrets: What
Wii Sports Pro Bowler: no lasagna for you, lasagna revoked
Keep your secrets: Hey !
Sunken treasure: tim, did you used to like jon??
Wii Sports Pro Bowler: i Cannot believe i have been exposed like this
Wii Sports Pro Bowler: sasha you’re dead to me, unfollowed blocked reported
Keep your secrets: I revealed something about Jon, so now I’m revealing something about you, for balance <3
Wii Sports Pro Bowler: wait but marto hasnt gotten any secrets exposed?? this feels targeted
Keep your secrets: He used to hate poetry :)
Wii Sports Pro Bowler: WHAT
Sunken treasure: :0
Wii Sports Pro Bowler: dlfkgskj martin!!
Sunken treasure: ok, used to!! like, as in, years and years ago!
Sunken treasure: i didnt really understand it, and when i couldnt get meaning out of it in the first read, it made me feel sort of dumb?
Sunken treasure: but like, now i know that poetry isnt really supposed to be easy. and sometimes it’s nice to just let things be as they are, even if you dont understand them.
Wii Sports Pro Bowler: yo that’s legit deep
Keep your secrets: He must be a poet !
Keep your secrets: Also, you may now expose one of my secrets so that everything is even .
Wii Sports Pro Bowler: ooooh decisions decisions ;)
Sunken treasure: i think ill let tim do this one, he knows more of your secrets than i do :))
Wii Sports Pro Bowler: when she was in high school,
Keep your secrets: I already know what this is :(
Wii Sports Pro Bowler: she liked to stir up drama by putting rude little notes in her classmates’ lockers and signing them as though she were somebody else
Sunken treasure: pfff really??
Wii Sports Pro Bowler: yeah, so theyd all be waving notes in each others’ faces and accusing each other of having written them,,,and sasha, dear sweet sasha, would sit back and enjoy the show ;)
Keep your secrets: Okay, for context, I only did this to the kids who bullied me or my friends ! I wanted to get back at them, and this seemed as good a way as any …
Sunken treasure: i mean, i get it! i sort of wish id done something similar when i was in school. wouldve been nice to be the one pulling the strings, you know?
Keep your secrets: Yeah, I do .
Keep your secrets: It was nice, in a strange way . To be that person .
Keep your secrets: Anyway, I haven’t done that in a long time, so neither of you have to worry about receiving rude and/or cryptic handwritten notes :)
Wii Sports Pro Bowler: aww but what if i wanted one of your infamous drama-starters ;(
Keep your secrets: You don’t <3
Wii Sports Pro Bowler: ...fair enough <3
9:15 pm
To: [emailprotected]
From: [emailprotected]
Subject: A Question
Dearest Nikola,
First of all, how are you? We haven’t chatted in a while. I know I haven’t been the kindest to you, so let’s clear up one thing right now: whatever I said, I didn’t mean any of it. I was so blind, and conflicted. But today I’m going to be honest with you. I am tired of hiding.
Let us set the stage. The two of us are lounging in an abandoned warehouse. Outside, a blustery storm rages, but in here, a crackling fire warms us, fills us with emotion. Could it be nostalgia? Adoration? Fear? Yes. All of these, and more. I am wearing my best suit, and you are wearing your best skin. The air is rife with comfort and tension in equal measure.
Nikola, ever since I laid Eye on you, I have admired you. The passion you put into your craft is awe-inspiring. Your skill at dancing is enviable. The way you play the calliope brings me to tears. And when I imagine the way you move in candlelight, glistening with your victims’ blood, well––it gets me in a tizzy.
I am just a Victorian man standing before an eldritch mannequin, asking her if she feels for me a fraction of what I feel for her. A fraction would be more than enough. At the moment, all I have of you is your mannequin foot, and it is but a reminder that even though I have a part of you, I can’t bear for us to be apart.
I do have an on-again-off-again husband, but I asked, and he said he’d be fine with this.
With all my heart,
Elias
(But you can call me Jonah)
“we lived bitch”
Sunken treasure: off to bleach my eyes wish me luck <3
Keep your secrets: Maybe if I knock my head on something I’ll forget what I just read ? Only one way to find out .
Sunken treasure: [sent a photo: Jon sits on his couch with the laptop balanced on his knees. Since arriving home, he has changed from his work clothes into a t-shirt and soft cardigan, and his hair is down, curling up at odd angles from having been held in place all day. His expression is an intense mix of horror and delight, with one hand gripping the laptop and the other pressed over his mouth.]
Sunken treasure: this is the only good thing to have come from that email :))
Wii Sports Pro Bowler: ah a fan of my work ;) he’s the only cultured one
Keep your secrets: Jon is of stronger constitution than me, it seems …
Sunken treasure: the first thing he said after reading it was “Terrible. Dreadful. I despise it.” but he was openly smiling so i suspect he is a liar
Wii Sports Pro Bowler: jonathan “monster mash” sims is into elias x nikola rp pass it on
Keep your secrets: No .
Sunken treasure: noooo
Sunken treasure: i hate that you put this into my head because what if jon Knows?? what if he looks in my head and sees “jon enjoys elias x nikola roleplay”???
Wii Sports Pro Bowler: that’s rough buddy
Wii Sports Pro Bowler: good luck with that ;)
Sunken treasure: tim! :(
Keep your secrets: I have an idea: don’t think about it !
Sunken treasure: wow yes so helpful thank you sasha :)))))
Keep your secrets: You’re welcome <3
Wii Sports Pro Bowler: maybe sasha’s email will be less cursed? we can dare to dream
Sunken treasure: oh i think it would take a lot to be equally as cursed or more cursed than yours, tim.
Wii Sports Pro Bowler: tru enough ;))
Keep your secrets: I have some ideas … I’ll get to it, then .
Wii Sports Pro Bowler: hell yeahhhh
Sasha to Annabelle
Sasha: There is something I’m considering doing, but I wanted to check with you first . I need to know that it will shift things in our favour, and not the other way around .
Annabelle: Good evening, Sasha! I suspected you might be texting me sooner rather than later.
Sasha: So you know what I’m planning, then ?
Annabelle: More or less. Have you thought about my offer?
Sasha: I’ve been trying not to .
Annabelle: Implying that you ~have~ thought about it ::::)
Sasha: Annabelle, if I go through with this, I want it to harm Elias and Elias only . If it will cause something bad to happen to someone I care about, it’s not worth it .
Annabelle: Oh, no one knows for certain how the future will unfold. Not even me. All we can do is weave the best fate we can, using the tools we have and the realities we understand.
Sasha: Can you please give me your best guess, then ?
Annabelle: First tell me what you think will happen.
Sasha: I really don’t know, that’s why I’m asking you .
Annabelle: But I’m not asking you to know. I’m asking you to think.
Sasha: Okay . Fine .
Sasha: I think Elias will suffer, because he will be forced to spend more of his energy cleaning up the mess I’m about to make .
Annabelle: And?
Sasha: That’s all .
Annabelle: Oh, is it?
Sasha: Yes .
Sasha: I mean, mostly .
Sasha: Since he’ll be spending more of his energy on this, I think he will peer into our heads less often .
Sasha: And I think we will have more space to plan against him . Once he returns to the institute, he will check once to make sure we have learned our proper place, that we are to fear him and continue with our archiving work, and after that he will retreat into his office . He will allow his narcissism to prevent him from sparing practically any energy on making sure we are not in the midst of a rebellion .
Sasha: And I think, despite of (or maybe because of) him having stayed in luxury while he was away, he will feel the need to integrate that decadence into the institute . Once he resolves the mess, he will host an event, partially to indulge, partially to congratulate himself on having set things right again . This will give us an opportunity to strike him down .
Annabelle: Impressive!
Sasha: Oh god . I didn’t mean to do that .
Sasha: Why did I know that ?
Annabelle: You didn’t “know” it, you were just seeing things from the perspective of someone like me - from the center of a web.
Sasha: That’s impossible, I am not like you . I don’t serve the Web . I haven’t agreed to your offer yet .
Annabelle: Yet?
Sasha: I haven’t agreed to your offer .
Annabelle: Sasha, listen. I can tell that in spite of you seeing for yourself what your little hypothetical attack on Elias may do, you still have some reservations. And you don’t want those reservations. You don’t want to hold yourself back. What you want is to be convinced that you’re doing a good thing, hurting Elias, and that the risk is worth it.
Annabelle: I think you trust me more than you trust yourself. Does that sound correct?
Sasha: I truly just want a second opinion . And you’re quite experienced in the subject, so here I am, asking .
Annabelle: Aw, well I think you should go through with it. Frankly, it would be incredibly funny.
Annabelle: Now tell me honestly. Are you satisfied with that answer?
Sasha: No, not really . I thought I would be .
Annabelle: Of course you did! That’s nothing unusual. Most people would take my opinion as an excuse to go right ahead and do what they wanted. But you’re not most people. You need to feel, deep down, like you’re right.
Annabelle: So let me ask you something.
Annabelle: How is Tim doing?
Sasha: What ?
Annabelle: You told me about what happened last weekend, and it sounds pretty terrible. Something like that would haunt any self-respecting citizen for the rest of their life. And yes, you all got out alive, and you seem to be doing better now.
Annabelle: But can you say, truthfully, that you aren’t afraid that the Buried followed you home? That it will open up beneath you, at any moment, and you’ll plunge down into it, never again to see the sunlight, or taste fresh air, or hear anyone’s voice besides your own?
Annabelle: Do you think you will ever go swimming again?
Annabelle: As you told me during our rendez-vous, Elias knew what would happen if you went to the waterpark. He didn’t care whether or not you died, or were trapped forever, as long as his precious Archivist benefited from it. And now he is off somewhere, having evaded prison, having evaded any consequence to his actions. And you are at home, alone, afraid of water, afraid of the ground on which you stand. So is Martin. So is Tim.
Annabelle: If you’re pretending to be better, to be okay, why wouldn’t they be, too? From what you’ve told me of Tim, he’s quite the people-pleaser. He likes to make everyone around him happy. And if you ask me, telling your friends that you are recovering is one of the best ways to make them happy. I bet he has told you all sorts of things, acting like he’s getting better, like living is getting easier. But how much can you really heal in a week?
Annabelle: So, Sasha, I’ll ask again. And I want you to really think about the answer.
Annabelle: How is Tim doing?
10:01 pm
To: [emailprotected]
From: [emailprotected]
Subject: Regarding our Business Relationship
Nathaniel,
I hope you are doing well. I will keep this email short and to the point.
I would like to formally sever the ties between your family and the Magnus Institute. I realize this will result in the loss of your generous funding, but due to personal matters, I have decided that dissociating myself from the Lukases as a whole would be best.
If you require any paperwork to be signed, please send it through email or fax, and I will return it to you as soon as I am able.
With my sincere gratitude,
Elias Bouchard
Head of the Magnus Institute
Chapter End Notes
sasha really went: *mic drop*
I want y'all to go to the website of the hotel where elias is staying and try to tell me this isn't the most over-the-top luxury/elias-y place you've ever seen: https://www.maisonsouquet.com/fr/
Also, your enthusiasm for Esther in the last chapter's comment section was adorable, and I promise there will be more of her :)
Kudos are always appreciated, and comments are always read, responded to, and made into the frosting glue that holds my gingerbread train together. (Its roof collapsed, I need assistance :( )
You can chat with me @starryknightart on insta <3
camera roll cleanout
Chapter Summary
Jon reviews the contents of his phone.
Chapter Notes
me when i started this fic in 2020: i will post twice a week, MAYBE once a week if things get loco crazy!! but nothing longer than that!! that'd be ridiculous!!
me now, in 2021, wisened, haunted, my writing professor's omniscient gaze hanging over me like an anvil: bi-monthly updates...is the Only Way.
anyway, enjoy the first update of the new year! ive been looking forward to writing this one for MONTHS.
See the end of the chapter for more notes
Friday, 10:51 pm
Martin to Jon
Martin: im back at my flat. please don’t stay up all night going through your accidental videos! you need proper rest :/
Jon: I only have a few more to sort through. That will give me ample storage for the foreseeable future, I’d imagine. So long as I don’t document the entirety of the Renaissance Faire on my phone.
Jon: Also, thank you for coming over tonight, Martin.
Jon: Not that I don’t enjoy spending time with Tim or Sasha, but
Jon: It was nice to be with just you.
Martin: i feel the same way :)))
Martin: guess that’s why we’re dating, yeah?
Jon: Hm...I think you may be onto something. :-)
Martin: i think so too :))
Martin: well, i’ll let you get to your video sorting. the sooner you get it done, the sooner you can go to bed. which you should do!! please do not do more work afterward!!
Martin: or else!
Martin: or else there will be ummm consequences! and the consequences will be
Martin: that i'll be sad :(
Jon: Oh, well we can’t have that.
Martin: :)
Jon: Hmph.
Jon: The videos will probably be exhausting to look through anyway. They’re a bit scrambled, so I have no idea what is on the rest of them.
Martin: good things, I hope?
Jon: I suppose I shall find out soon enough.
Martin: i suppose you shall!
Martin: good luck :)
Jon: Thank you. I believe I’ll need it.
Delete all (22) selected videos?
-
22 Videos Deleted
4 Videos Remaining
-
Video 1
Taken Friday - April 3, 10:57 pm
Duration: 09:03
[The screen shows a hazy, close darkness––the interior of a pocket. Despite the loudness of the late-night pub’s bad music and drunken chatter, a few familiar voices emerge.
Jon, sloppy drunk: ––and if you look, if you really look at the texts, like––Both of you should read Historia Regum Britanniae . Will you?
Tim, half-laughing: Noooooooooo!
Sasha, her smile audible: Yes, we will. We will , Tim, shhh.
Tim, well past sloppy drunk: But only if it’s written by...by somebody I like.
Jon: Geoffrey of Monmouth!
Tim: Booooo, he sounds like a killjoy, Jeff, Jeff of––um. Monmouth. Nope, not doing that.
Jon: But it’s interesting , Tim, you like interesting things, I know you pretend you don’t but you do, you truly do.
Tim: Jeff lives in a cave somewhere, I bet. He sounds like someone who would.
Jon: Don’t be ridiculous. He wrote all about King Arthur, and that’s what I’m trying to tell you, is that if you look at his texts, you’ll see that Arthur and Lancelot and Guinevere were together, and they were all...completely, utterly fine with it. Better than fine! Where’s Martin?
Sasha: What?
Jon: Martin’s not here. When did he leave?
Tim: Chill out, boss, he’s prob’ly getting us another round, because he’s a real one. He’s the MVP! MVP––Martin’s...Very…
Jon: Pretty.
(Simultaneously)
Tim: Perfect.
Tim: What’d you say?
Jon: I don’t know. I said what you said.
Sasha: You look tired, Jon. Do you want to call it a night?
Jon: Maybe. Yes. I haven’t done this in...I don’t know how long. A long time. I’m not used to it.
Sasha: Hey, the table’s dirty, don’t––Here, use my jacket as a pillow.
Jon, muffled: Thank you.
Sasha: We can go after Martin gets back from wherever he went. Okay?
Jon makes a noncommittal noise into the jacket.
Tim and Sasha chat quietly for several minutes, snickering under their breaths, until they reach a natural lull in the conversation.
Tim: Is he already asleep? Damn! Jon , Earth to Jon? Hey, uh, I’m gonna go sift through the archives while holding a full, steaming mug of coffee. What do you think? D’you think that’s a good idea that’ll end well for everyone? (Pause.) Okay, yeah, he’s out.
Sasha, suddenly tearful: Aw, oh no, we’ll have to wake him up , Tim, I don’t want to do that!
Tim: Why not? What’s wrong?
Sasha: He already gets so little sleep.
Tim: I know, and it’s all his own fault. He’s––He can’t do things that he knows are good for him.
Sasha, louder: It’s self-disrespectful!
Tim, even louder: Self-dis-repesc–– disrespectful!
They immediately shush each other, equally as loud as they were when they were speaking.
Tim, half-whispering: Did you see how he was looking at Marto, though?
Sasha, distressed: No, how did he look at him?
Tim: Sasha, it’s a good thing, it means our Scheme is working.
Sasha: Oh!
Tim: Yeah, Jon was like...he was like googly eyes over there.
Sasha: No way.
Tim: Yes, yes way. Very googly eyes, very much like...like star-crossed lovers googly eyes.
Sasha: I can’t believe I missed it.
Tim, mischievously: Don’t worry. I got a picture.
Sasha: Tim!
Tim: I’ll show you later!
Sasha: You’re the best, you’re the co-MVP, with Martin.
Tim: Nah, he’s the only Perfect one. If we’re all MVPs, he’s Perfect, Jon is…
Sasha: Posh?
Tim: Pretentious. Or Posh. You’re...Perfect-er.
Sasha: You just said only Martin can be Perfect.
Tim: That’s why I said Perfect- er .
Sasha: That’s cheating. But fine, then you’re...Pretty. A Pretty boy.
Tim: D’aww.
Sasha: Actually, you’re just...Pretty annoying.
Tim, laughing: Hey!
Sasha: ....I think Jon said that.
Tim: What?
Sasha: Pretty. He said that about––Oh, Martin!
Martin: Hell-ooo.
Tim: We missed you, buddy, you’ve been gone for ages.
Martin: There was this whole big thing with the...um. Is Jon asleep?
Tim: He died from longing for your return.
Martin, slightly panicked: Um, what?
Sasha: Tim’s just being an idiot. I think Jon wore himself out from all the lecturing on ancient rites and polyamory.
Martin: That would tire anyone, I think.
Sasha, whispering: Let’s get him up, and we can go part of the way with him on the tube. I want to make sure he gets home okay.
Martin, softly: Right. Okay. Jon?
Jon: Mmph.
Tim: Wakey-wakey, bossman.
Martin: Jon? We’re about to leave.
Jon: Martin. Hi.
Martin, fondly: Hi.
Jon: Hi. Was I asleep?
Martin: Yeah, but it’s okay, we––
Jon: What time is it?
The darkness shifts on screen as Jon’s phone is abruptly pulled out into the open, its camera settling on a canted view of a grungy table, which is littered with shot glasses. Half in frame is Sasha’s purple jacket, hopelessly scrunched.
Jon: That’s odd. My phone’s reco––]
Video 2
Taken Saturday - April 20, 2:01 pm
Duration: 12:46
[For the first several minutes, the video displays only a dark screen. The jaunty cacophony of a busy arcade is the most prominent sound, but every once in a while, one of the archival staff will say something that the phone’s mic only half captures. Eventually, the background noise dims ever so slightly, allowing Tim and Jon’s voices to be properly heard.
Tim: ...quieter over here, I couldn’t hear myself think.
Jon: Likewise.
Tim: Ooh, I see some old-school options. Pac-man, Street Fighter––what do you think, boss?
Jon: Ah, you can pick.
Tim, exasperated: Please tell me you know the difference between these games.
Jon, an odd lilt to his voice: I do indeed.
Tim: ...You’re up to something. And I’m going to find out what it is. But first––(his voice becomes slightly distant as he walks off) pinball. One-v-one. Highest score wins.
Jon chuckles and strides over, saying: Fine, if that’s how you want to play it.
Tim: You’re trying to rattle me, and it won’t work. You’re looking at a pinball master, okay? I’ve played this thing probably...five or six times.
Jon: I’m terrified.
Tim: Yeah, you should be.
The following sounds can be heard: coins sliding into the metal slot, the machine whirring and switching its theme to “Game Mode”––tropical music, full of steel drums, screeching gulls, and rolling waves––then, the steel ball pinging around the environment. Within twenty seconds, the ball clunks down the gutter, and Tim huffs.
Jon: Impressive.
Tim: Okay, that’s––that was a warm-up round, for your information. The warm-up is very important.
Jon: Right, I see. In which case, the next two rounds will show off your true capabilities, then?
Tim: Yes, they will. So. Get ready.
Tim starts the next round.
Tim: Not that this is an excuse or anything, but we may have to do a rematch later. This morning’s activities are catching up to me. There’s just something about spending a few hours at a waterpark that wears you out, you know?
Jon: I do, actually.
Tim: It was fun, though.
Jon: It was.
Tim: It was fun to see you have fun. It seems like you don’t–– Damn . (The pinball goes down the gutter; Tim starts the final round.) It seems like you don’t smile much nowadays.
Jon, minorly offended: Yes I do.
Tim: Not like today. (Pause.) Not like when we were on some of the rides. Or when we took siege of that structure with the water pistols attached to it, and forced Martin and Sasha to surrender.
Jon: That was fun. But to be fair, work at the Institute is hardly as thrilling.
Tim: I know. I just...want you to be happy more, I guess.
The pinball goes down the gutter––an announcer’s voice declares: Gaaaaame Over!
Tim: I don’t know. Anyway, it’s your turn.
There are a few moments of quiet. Jon enters coins into the machine, but doesn’t start the game.
Jon: It’s not that I’m––I mean, when I’m at work I’m used to––Christ, I don’t know how to explain myself. I’ll admit that I was skeptical about this weekend, but spending time with the three of you...Tim, I’ve been happier today than I have been in a long time. And I’m thankful for it. I’m thankful that you’d go out of your way to include me.
Tim: Okay but we didn’t go out of our way, Jon. See, that’s––I feel like you view everything as a consequence of you just existing . We didn’t say to ourselves, “Oh, might as well invite Jon to the waterpark, since we work with him.” No. We wanted you to come because we wanted you to be happy for once, and because you being happy makes us happy. It makes me happy. It makes me feel like––like things aren’t quite as terrible as they actually are. Because I look over and I see you smiling and...it’s better.
Jon: Well…(Pause.) Sometimes, I may not seem terribly happy. But I am. And it’s usually because of something one of you did, or said. Honestly, you three make working at the Institute bearable. Especially as I get to know you better. Moreso Sasha and Martin, since I haven’t known them for nearly as long. But Tim, I’m still learning new things about you. I didn’t pay much attention the first time around, back in research. And I regret it.
Tim: It’s honestly fine––
Jon: No, it’s not. I’m sorry for...more than I’d care to delve into right now. But I’m especially sorry for how I’ve been acting since being assigned to Head Archivist. I’ve been harsh, and impatient, and dismissive. I––I treated you as though we were complete strangers.
Tim: ...Yeah. You did. I legitimately thought I was imagining things, at first. But...I mean, you grew out of it, you got less like that .
Jon: Eventually, yes.
Tim: Like, we’re not just two strangers in an arcade right now.
Jon: Hardly.
Tim: We’re two worm-eaten coworkers-with-a-potentially-murderous-and-supernatural-boss in an arcade.
Jon: Don’t be ridiculous. We’re two (clears throat) friends in an arcade.
Tim, gasping: Did Jonathan Sims just say the ‘f’ word?
Jon: I did nothing of the sort.
The pinball machine’s theme song begins; the steel ball rolls into place.
Jon: There is something you should know.
Tim: Oh?
Jon: When I said you could pick which game we played, it wasn’t because I didn’t know which games were which. It was because I wanted you to feel like you had a chance at winning.
Tim: I’m sorry, what?
Jon starts playing. Unlike Tim, his “warmup” round lasts a solid minute.
Tim, audibly grinning: What the hell.
Jon: There was an arcade near my childhood home in Bournemouth. Sometimes, when I ran out of books to read, I was bored enough to spend my time there.
Tim: What, were you constantly running out of books?
Jon: No. But I was constantly bored.
Tim: I guess I’m learning new things about you, too, boss.
Jon: I guess you are.
Jon starts the next round. After about a minute and a half, his phone and Tim’s chime in unison. Jon keeps playing.
Tim: Oh, Sasha’s sending photos from the smoothie place. (He laughs.) That one turned out fantastic, I look like a model.
Jon, still playing: If you say so.
Tim: You haven’t even seen it yet, you can’t judge. (Their phones chime again.) Hey, here’s one with you and Martin.
The pinball drops into the gutter, and Jon clicks his tongue. Then––with a rustling of fabric, the video brightens, landing on the brightly patterned carpet of the arcade. Jon, assumedly having noticed that his phone is recording, sighs.]
Video 3
Taken Monday April 22, 7:27 am
Duration: 29:10
[The first thirty seconds are hopelessly corrupted, glitching RGB, buzzing with static. Then the video clears—its view is tilted, facing the sidewalk, catching one of Jon’s shoes in frame. Passing cars and pedestrian chatter constitutes the background noise––as well as quick, panicked breathing. Almost imperceptibly, the video trembles.
Jon: Wait, Michael, Michael .
The video whips around, catching different angles of the street and sidewalk in view, as Jon turns; evidently, he has forgotten he is holding his phone.
No yellow door appears in frame.
Jon mutters to himself, then starts off down the block. For nearly ten minutes, this is the video––an unsteady, moving view of the sidewalk, and occasionally, a glimpse of somebody passing in the opposite direction.
Then: we enter into a lobby. Jon’s footfalls echo on the linoleum. No other sound can be heard––no voices, no hush of fans. Deep, clinical silence.
It is only when Jon takes the squealing wooden stairs down to the basement that noise returns––the arthritic snaps and creaks of an old building, the hum of temperature-controlled ventilation. Jon pauses for only a moment––we hear the frantic jingling of keys––before hurrying into the archives. Boxes on the floor, sagging, overflowing with files, flash past. Then the phone is placed facedown on Jon’s desk, and the video stills, auto-focusing on the sloped beige ceiling.
For the next few minutes, we hear Jon striding around, shuffling through papers, opening and closing filing cabinets. A handful of times, he mumbles something to himself, but he is too far away for the phone’s mic to capture the shape of his words.
Elias: Lose something?
Jon audibly flinches, dropping a folder.
Jon: Christ. You could have knocked.
Elias, conceding: I could have. But your door was open.
Jon: Well, I didn’t think anyone else was here. It’s Sunday, at...whatever time it is.
Elias: It’s Monday morning, Jon.
Jon: ...Oh.
Elias, smug : You look disoriented. Did something happen?
Jon: You knew. You knew that the water park––
Elias: I’m not sure what you’re talking about.
Jon: Martin, Tim, Sasha, they’re all...I don’t know, they’re just gone. They were there , but now they’re––god, it doesn’t make any sense!
Elias: That is unfortunate. We should get you some hardier assistants, hm?
Jon: That’s not funny.
Elias: Goodness, it’s a few missing researchers, Jon. It’s not the end of the world. And what’s most important is you’re here. You survived.
Jon, frantic: What do you mean “survived”?
Elias: I just mean––
Jon, with venom: They’re not dead. Don’t you dare try to tell me that.
Elias: They could...conceivably...still be alive. It might be better for them if they weren’t. But, well, that’s not my business. (With contention:) Mx. Eberson will tend to them, as they are wont to do.
Jon: You know Mx. Eberson.
Elias: Unfortunately.
Jon: Then you know how to get my fr––my assistants back. You know where Eberson put them.
Elias: Not my business, Jonathan.
Jon: They’re your employees.
Elias: They are replaceable. Besides, you seem rather interested in finding them. I think I’ll let you handle this little project on your own. Take as much time as you need.
Jon: But why won’t you just tell me?
Elias: Because I owe you nothing. Yet, here I am, trying to help you. (He sighs.) I’d like to give you some advice: if you care so much about them, you must evolve. You must…accept the Knowledge as it comes to you.
Jon: What the hell is that supposed to mean?
Elias: You’ll find out, in time. Good luck.
Jon: Wait. Wait , I still have––
The door to the archives shuts with a sturdy click.
Jon: ––questions.
There is a long moment of quiet. Elias’s footsteps fade away. Jon releases a shaky breath, then takes in a new one––exhale, inhale, exhale.
Jon: I–I’m just a person. How am I supposed to––? (Inhale, exhale.) Fuck. (Inhale, inhale––exhale.)
Jon fights to steady his stuttering breaths, forcefully sucking air in and blowing it out. Then, in the middle of an inhale––he stops.
Jon: Maybe...Maybe their phones …?
He hurries back over to the desk. For a brief second, his face flashes in frame––he is an awful sight, looking skittish and bone-weary––then he flips the phone over. Notices the video recording. Laughs, softly, painfully.]
Video 4
Taken Monday - April 29, 10:14 pm
Duration: 11:40
[The video begins right as the phone is being shoved back into a pocket. Through the fabric, the microphone captures the sound of distant cars and thin, quiet rain.
Jon: ––supposed to rain all night, after all.
Martin: See, I thought it would. I just could not, for the life of me, find that umbrella.
Jon: The archives are a wreck. I wouldn’t bank on successfully finding anything you’re actually looking for.
Martin: Yeah...Well, at least it’s not a downpour, I guess?
Jon: Right. That’s good.
Martin: Yeah.
For a long moment, they just walk.
Martin: Listen, I should––
(Simultaneously)
Jon: Martin, there’s––
Martin: Oh, I’m sorry, you can––
Jon: No, you should––
Martin: I mean––I could but––
Jon: Yours would be better, before mine.
Martin: You don’t know that. (Pause––then, mildly panicked:) You don’t Know that, do you?
Jon: No, lord no, I don’t. It’s just my assumption, based on what I have to tell you. Like I said, my thing is, in all likelihood, much more destructive than whatever yours is.
Martin: And I still think mine is more destructive, but––Okay, okay, no. We are not doing this again.
Jon, audibly smirking: What, you don’t like talking in circles?
Martin: Psh! Have you met me? I could do this all day. Or, um. Night, I guess. Twilight?
Jon: Hm, twilight. Poetic.
Martin: Well.
Jon: I think after ten PM, if not nighttime, it’s at the very least solidly evening.
Martin: We’re still doing it, we’re still talking in circles.
Jon: Yes. We’re naturals. Do you think we could make a profession out of it? Avoiding the point?
Martin: Politicians do it.
Jon: True. And Elias does it all the time.
Martin, as though he has just had an epiphany: Elias does have the energy of a politician!
Jon, laughing: Well, he acts like a dictator, so! I’m not surprised!
Martin, now laughing too hard to speak properly: Wh–What a (snicker)––What a bastard .
Jon, trying and failing to compose himself better than Martin: Utter bastard. He’s a–a joke .
Martin, wheezing: A “joke”?!
They both collapse into laughter. This bout lasts for a good while before, little by little, fading away...then immediately starting up again.
Martin, still giggling: Here we go again. Circles. Talking in circles.
Jon, audibly grinning: That one was my fault, I’m afraid. I, um…(Clears his throat) I’m sorry, I’m being avoidant.
Martin: I am too. I mean… (softer) I am too.
Jon: Right. Anyway.
Martin, getting progressively shorter of breath: I guess I’ll just...say it. Um. Jon, I really...I’m really happy that you’ve let yourself... exist with Tim and Sasha and I in a way that isn’t strictly professional. And not just because I like spending time with you––which I do, obviously, it’s, um. It’s lovely. Y-you–– You’re lovely. To be around. And just in general. But, um, the point is that in the process of all of us getting to know each other better, spending more time together, doing––doing whatever , I have...learned things. About myself. And you. Not in a creepy way, just in a...in a normal way.
Jon: Martin. Breathe.
Martin, sort of breathing: Right. Sorry. I mean…(He exhales shakily.) Right.
Their footsteps stop. The only sounds now are the distant cars and the pattering rain.
Jon: You’re not...working with Mx. Eberson, are you?
Martin laughs, and we hear the first notes of his preemptive heartbreak.
Martin: No. You don’t have to worry about that. It’s actually that. Um. (He clears his throat.) I have feelings for you, Jon. And it’s––it’s completely fine that you don’t––or, um, if? ––no. That you don’t. I just. I needed you to know. And I’d understand if you wanted to...I don’t know, move me to another section of the Institute? Or something? Not that I want to. But––But I could , I mean, if that would be better for you. Not that I really have a hand in where I go. Um. But either way, what I’m saying is I’d understand if––
Jon: Martin, I’m not––(chuckling) I’m not going to deport you from the archives.
Martin: Oh. Okay. That’s good, I think.
Jon, audibly grinning: I’m so sorry, please do not think I’m laughing at you, because I am not. You’ll understand why I’m smiling in a moment.
Martin, hesitantly optimistic: ...Okay?
Jon: First off––I don’t think your thing is worse than my thing. In fact, they’re fairly...equal.
Martin: Oh?
Jon: And second––I’m not great at...emotions.
Martin: Hm.
Jon: That was the most sarcastic “hm” I think I’ve ever heard.
Martin: It wasn’t sarcastic, it was––it was perfectly neutral.
Jon, smirking like the bastard he is: Sure it was.
Martin, failing to resist being incredibly endeared: It was!
Jon: Let’s say it was. Anyway , I don’t really...know how to say things of this nature. Without messing it up. So I’ll just. Ah...I’ll just say I wish you wouldn’t assume that I don’t feel the same way about you. Because that wouldn’t be true.
Martin: ...I...But.... What? You don’t, though.
Jon: I...don’t?
Martin: Oh. Wow, I really just said that, didn’t I? I really just––Well, that’s just peachy. That’s really, exceptionally brilliant. Ha. No, I didn’t mean to flat-out accuse you of lying, I am simply. Hm. Very confused. And––And pleasantly surprised! Except “pleasantly surprised” makes it sound like you just...gave me an extra ten minutes off for lunch break or something. So, to clarify, I am slightly more pleasantly surprised than that.
Jon: As though I gave you fifteen minutes off.
There is a pause, and despite the quiet, you can feel the way they’re smiling at each other.
Martin: Yeah. Like that.
The rain starts to come down harder, prompting the two to begin walking again.
Martin: We’re going to be soaked by the time we get back.
Jon: Don’t poets like the rain?
Martin: I mean, yeah, when it’s not harassing you in the cold and the dark. What time is it by the way?
The blackness on the screen shifts, then sloughs away as Jon lifts the phone from his pocket. The camera, on selfie mode, shows Jon––face speckled with raindrops, hair frizzy from the humidity––peering down at the phone. When he realizes it’s recording, he rolls his eyes.
Jon: Oh, for god’s sake.
Martin, mildly panicked: What?
Jon, glaring into the camera: It’s nothing. Nothing at all. ]
Saturday, 12:06 am
Jon to Martin
Jon: I hope you’re asleep by now, Martin.
Jon: I finished looking at the rest of the videos, which should be more of a relief than it is. It feels as though I’m still watching them, as though they’re still spooling out in my brain. Perhaps I’m subconsciously reliving them because I can’t remember the precise details of what happened after the recordings ended, and that bothers me. Perhaps it’s simply because the videos hurt to watch. Even the good ones, somewhat.
Jon: It helped, though. To see things from an outsider’s perspective. I noticed things I was too oblivious to notice at the time. And if I’m lucky, when the time comes, I’ll know how to say what I need to say.
Jon: That’s a bit of a stretch, to think I’ll be so eloquent with my words. But one can hope.
Jon: Anyhow. I should try to get some sleep. I’ll talk to you in the morning.
Jon: Goodnight, love.
Chapter End Notes
Reading these transcripts, then looking back at the text conversations surrounding them, is legitimately a bizarre experience. And I would highly recommend it! So, for your convenience:
Video 1 takes place in chapter 4, directly before the conversation at 11:49 pm.
Video 2 takes place in chapter 16, directly before the conversation at 2:13 pm.
Video 3 takes place in chapter 18, directly before the first conversation.
Video 4 takes place in chapter 22, soon after the conversation at 9:41 pm.
Do let me know your thoughts on this chapter, I realize it may change how you view certain situations...and certain relationships ;)
Kudos are always appreciated, and comments are always read, responded to, and used as motivation to accomplish my 2021 writing goals :))
You can chat with me @starryknightart on insta <3
the calm
Chapter Summary
The squad receives a few unpleasant emails; Tim confides in Martin.
Chapter Notes
See the end of the chapter for notes
Saturday, 10:09 am
“there’s no ‘i’ in magnus but there is an ‘us’ <3”
The cause of Elias’s downfall: Are we all still on board to do the renaissance faire tomorrow ?
Self-care supervisor stoker: if you thought anything could stop me from becoming a hot witch,,,youd be wrong
The cause of Elias’s downfall: Oh, you have your costume ready then ?
Self-care supervisor stoker: ...fuk
Self-care supervisor stoker: uh yeah haha i do have my costume,,, it is here, at my flat, because i did not forget to purchase it
The Piano Man: oh tim.
The Piano Man: i might still have some things in a box somewhere, i’ll look for anything particularly witchy :)
Self-care supervisor stoker: marto you’re a lifesaver
Self-care supervisor stoker: lmk if you have anything that would make me look specifically like id lure you into my candy house in the woods, and serve you dinner, and treat you SO right,, but also i wouldnt let you leave after, and i might turn you into a frog? who knows ;)
Self-care supervisor stoker: ,,,witchy-sexy
Self-care supervisor stoker: no wait
Self-care supervisor stoker: magically delicious ;)))
The cause of Elias’s downfall: Oh my god .
Self-care supervisor stoker changed his name to Lucky charmer
The Piano Man: oh no :’)
Martin Enthusiast: I may regret this, but...I think I have some old clothes that somewhat fit this description.
Lucky charmer: SDKLSJS ARE YOU SEREIOSI
Lucky charmer: and you havent worn any of it to work why??
Martin Enthusiast: Because it’s unprofessional? I can hardly show up to the institute showing *that* much shoulder.
The Piano Man: i
Lucky charmer: o fukc,,,,,,shoulders
Lucky charmer: what next?? ankles??????
Lucky charmer: collarbone?????????????
Lucky charmer: im going to pass out
The Piano Man: jon i only barely handled myself when you wore your leather jacket and eyeliner, so um. i think it may be for the best that you didn’t randomly wear that to work?
The Piano Man: not to say i don’t want to see you wearing that, because i very much do.
The Piano Man: but when you do, i will um. need some warning! just a little heads-up! just like, “by the way, martin, i’ll be wearing less fabric than usual” that’s all i need
Martin Enthusiast: By the way, Martin, I’ll be wearing less fabric than usual.
The Piano Man: yep just like that
The Piano Man: wait
The Piano Man: was that um
Martin Enthusiast: Yes, that was a heads-up. For tomorrow.
The Piano Man: oh
The Piano Man: right!
The Piano Man: ummmm good to know
Lucky charmer: ooohohoh boss what in the world do you have planned???
Martin Enthusiast: That’s for me to know and you to find out.
The Piano Man: :0
The Piano Man changed Martin Enthusiast ’s name to An absolute menace to Martin, specifically
The cause of Elias’s downfall: Pfff you earned that one, Jon :)
The cause of Elias’s downfall: Also I am very excited for this ! It’ll be good to spend time doing fun, non-stressful things, somewhere away from the institute .
The cause of Elias’s downfall: Somewhere far away from water :/
An absolute menace to Martin, specifically: Good point.
Lucky charmer: fukin amen to that
The Piano Man: yeah, the less water the better.
The cause of Elias’s downfall: Oh before I forget, Martin, can you please braid our hair again :)
The Piano Man: ah sure! ill try out some fancier ones this time.
Lucky charmer: uh fancier?? fancier how?? the one you gave jon was already royaltycore as all hell how can that possiblY get fancier???
The Piano Man: youll see ;)
Lucky charmer: h
An absolute menace to Martin, specifically: Well I’m certainly interested :-)
11:01 am
To: [emailprotected]
From: [emailprotected]
Subject: Personal Assistant Duties
Hello Martin,
As I told you in a previous email, starting Monday you’ll be working as my personal assistant for the duration of my managerial position at the institute. Elias informed me that you would be a good fit, and I am anxious to put this to the test. Here is a taste of what you should expect in your new role:
-You will no longer be forced to share a workspace with others. You will have your own office, to minimize distractions.
-You will no longer answer to the Head Archivist or to any of your colleagues. In fact, the gross majority of the time, there will be no reason to go to them for any reason whatsoever.
-You will have access to many confidential documents, which you will be tasked with digitizing, fact-checking, copying or updating. This portion of your job may necessitate that you visit various areas of the institute, but even so, you will not interact with anyone. You are looking for documents, not people.
-You will use a new kitchenette, for coffee, tea and lunch. As Elias has told me, this one is limited-access to upper level workers––it’s where the more expensive refreshments are kept––so it is vacant most of the time. Nobody will bother you.
I hope all of this seems appealing to you. Something tells me it might.
I look forward to meeting you on Monday.
Peter
11:50 am
“there’s no ‘i’ in magnus but there is an ‘us’ <3”
The Piano Man: can’t wait to be almost completely isolated for an unspecified amount of time :))
The cause of Elias’s downfall: I just read the email you forwarded and...wow, does he know how unsubtle he’s being ?
An absolute menace to Martin, specifically: This is not happening. I am not allowing this to happen.
An absolute menace to Martin, specifically: Martin, when we return to the institute on Monday, just go to the archives, as usual. Whatever assisting you are asked to do, you can do it in proximity to the rest of us. There is no reason for you to move to a new area of the building.
An absolute menace to Martin, specifically: And if Peter Lukas has a problem with that, he’ll have to deal with me.
Lucky charmer: and me obv,, fuck that guy
The cause of Elias’s downfall: Yeah . I mean I really hope it works out that way !
Lucky charmer: ?
An absolute menace to Martin, specifically: Why wouldn’t it?
The cause of Elias’s downfall: I don’t know how to explain it really . I just have a bad feeling that things won’t turn out the way we expect ?
Lucky charmer: …...boss, confirm?
An absolute menace to Martin, specifically: I’m not a psychic, Tim, I can’t Know the future. Although that would make everything a lot simpler.
The cause of Elias’s downfall: You’d think so .
The cause of Elias’s downfall: I mean, I assume it wouldn’t actually be quite so straight-forward to get glimpses of the potential future . That’s all .
The Piano Man: yeah, you’re probably right sasha :/ i guess we’ll never be sure, though, since none of us are actually psychic. unless….somebody has something they’d like to share? :)
Lucky charmer: i may not be a psychic,,,,, but i see ~you~ in my future ;)))
The Piano Man: eugh
The cause of Elias’s downfall: Haha ew :)
An absolute menace to Martin, specifically: Terrible.
The cause of Elias’s downfall: Has that one actually worked for you ?
Lucky charmer: ahaha no *finger guns*
Lucky charmer: wait guys,,, i just checked elias’s account and there’s an email from the waterpark bastard, in response to the godawful message jon and martin sent yesterday….
The Piano Man: oh dear
11:56 am
To: [emailprotected]
From: [emailprotected]
Subject: RE: An Overdue Thank You
Mr. Bouchard,
I don’t recall you being quite so egotistical, but then again, it has been a long time since I’ve had the pleasure of your majesty’s company. Honestly. If this is some bizarre attempt at a guilt trip, I should be pleased to inform you that it is having the opposite effect. Even though your little Beholdings-in-training only remained in the Buried for a week, they fed my Entity plenty. It was a smorgasbord of fear.
Especially from the one who got taken in the water slide. Tim . That’s his name. Yes, the others practically oozed terror and panic, but Tim had the luxury of stewing in his thoughts. The others had an immediate purpose: to find a way to breathe, or to survive without breathing. Tim had nothing like that. His only distraction was his mind. His doubts.
Have you ever scared yourself, Elias? It doesn’t take much. I mean, you know better than anyone how to make your own lungs constrict in dread, how to cinch your spine, frost your blood. It’s just a matter of intrusive thoughts. Intrusive thoughts, and how long you can keep them out.
I only wish your archivist had gotten the opportunity to contribute to the mixture. Then it would have been a true feast.
That being said––for god’s sake, do not send all your employees here. What happened with your trio of assistants was a rare thing. If you send anyone else from the Magnus Institute, they will not be coming back. That is a promise. I don’t care about your “ideal workplace” full of screaming thirty-somethings. I’m sure you can find another way to traumatize them.
The Buried prefers variety, you understand. All members of the Eye have the same aftertaste.
Don’t contact me again, if you can help it.
Jo Eberson
“there’s no ‘i’ in magnus but there is an ‘us’ <3”
Lucky charmer: haha yikes ;)))
The Piano Man: tim…
Lucky charmer: guys it’s fine, dont let this claustrophobia simp tell you what’s what
Lucky charmer: we’re all out, right? we’re safe. there’s nothing to be worried about anymore, so don’t worry about me.
Lucky charmer: honestly sasha and martin had it worse, anyway. eberson’s just being dramatic because they fantasize about being slowly crushed into the earth or whatever. drowning for a week is objectively way worse than being bored in a tube slide.
Lucky charmer: seriously, it’s fine. i’m fine. im not the one to be worried about. okay?
The Piano Man: i mean :/ if youre sure
The Piano Man: and it’s completely all right if you, i dunno. change your mind later? it’s okay not to be okay. i know /i’m/ still having a hard time doing certain things. so it’s not like you’d be alone in that, you know?
Lucky charmer: yeah. thanks buddy
Lucky charmer: im still skittish, but def improving ;)
Lucky charmer: the anti-trauma grind never stops. can i get a hell yeah?
The Piano Man: ….no <3
Lucky charmer: ;(
The Piano Man: i’ll give you a somewhat enthusiastic “sure thing”
Lucky charmer: ehhh good enough
Lucky charmer: sasha can i get a hell yeah?
Lucky charmer: wait wait wait before you say no,, can we j talk about sasha’s fukcng,,,, email to nathaniel lukas??
The Piano Man: yeah jon and i were just staring, wide-eyed, when we read it!
Lucky charmer: sldkgjkj sasha you just destroyed elias's whole career, good for you babe
The cause of Elias’s downfall: Well, I had plenty of motivation to do so .
Lucky charmer: hell yeah you did ;)) with what that prick did to us, and to jon especially,,,elias wholly deserves it
The cause of Elias’s downfall: He does, Tim . He really does .
An absolute menace to Martin, specifically: You haven’t received an email back, have you?
The cause of Elias’s downfall: Not yet, but it hasn’t even been 24 hours .
The Piano Man: we havent heard back from nikola either :0
An absolute menace to Martin, specifically: That’s probably for the best, don’t you think?
The cause of Elias’s downfall: Goodness, if I were Nikola, and I received a message like That, I would IMMEDIATELY block Elias’s contact .
Lucky charmer: ;)))))
The Piano Man: im surprised i didn’t have nightmares about that, frankly
An absolute menace to Martin, specifically: The true nightmare is that it exists.
Lucky charmer: aww you guys flatter me <33
An absolute menace to Martin, specifically: No, we’re steadily working through our remaining discomfort together. This is not a compliment?
Lucky charmer: well boss, since i was actively trying to make it as uncomfortable as possible, everyone’s collective disgust actually iS a compliment ;)) so thank you
The cause of Elias’s downfall: You’re welcome, I think ?
The Piano Man: maybe we’ll eventually get all elias’s contacts to block him? only time will tell
An absolute menace to Martin, specifically: This can be our plan for Monday, perhaps. Send as many disturbing emails out from Elias’s account as possible.
Lucky charmer: dsfjgld gOD yes!!
Lucky charmer: i cant wait ;))
The cause of Elias’s downfall: Yes haha :) If Monday works out that way, that’d really be great .
The Piano Man: uh yeah! right.
12:48 pm
Tim to Martin
Tim: heyyyy marto
Tim: whats uhhhh new, whats the vibe,
Martin: nothing really? just looking through some boxes. ive managed to find some of my old ren faire things, and some of it’s sort of witchy, so you’re in luck :)
Martin: something on your mind, tim?
Tim: psh nah, j checkin in
Tim: or well uh now that you mention it there is one thing
Tim: do you think sasha’s been acting,,,,a bit off lately?
Tim: like idk, could be nothing
Tim: probably nothing tbh
Martin: well um. actually yeah. ive noticed that.
Tim: oh
Martin: yeah. i cant quite put my finger on it, but she seems...changed?
Martin: and it’s not the not-them, we wouldn’t both notice her acting strange if that were the case.
Martin: but something’s definitely different. and it feels...sort of bad? :/
Martin: i mean you’re the one who brought it up, so did you happen to notice anything specific?
Tim: well i guess,, like. there was something that tipped me off.
Tim: bc i trust sasha more than anyone. and that’s not just because i love her, she has earned that trust. she has never purposefully broken a promise, and if I tell her something in confidence, she never lets that shit slip. because she knows it’s important to me.
Tim: i mean. it was like that until yesterday.
Martin: ah. you mean what she said about you and jon?
Tim: yeah. and about your poetry thing, too.
Tim: idk how important that secret was to you. maybe it was very important. all i know is that my secret was very important to me. it was important that it be /kept/ a secret.
Tim: because it’s not just “oh tim used to have a dumb little crush on jon yada yada, how funny, how adorable” that’s just not how it was, there was more to it
Tim: fuck, i shouldnt be talking about this with you. im sorry martin. youre literally dating jon right now, you dont need to hear this nonsense from me
Tim: ill talk to you later
Martin: wait, no, tim it’s fine!
Martin: i know it was wrong of sasha to tell your secret like that, and you have every right to talk about it.
Martin: i want to be there for you, because we’re friends. okay?
Martin: tim?
1:20 pm
Martin to Jon
Martin: somehow i forgot to respond to your most recent messages??
Martin: i say “somehow” because um. theyre a bit concerning? jon?
Martin: well i mean except for that last one :)
Martin: but so
Martin: you said the videos were painful to watch?? they were taken! on accident! what could possibly have been on them??
Martin: and need i mention ”I noticed things I was too oblivious to notice at the time. And if I’m lucky, when the time comes, I’ll know how to say what I need to say.” ???jon???
Martin: this is highly ominous and ive got to say i am quite worried?
Jon: Ah. Yes, that does sound fairly ominous now that I’m rereading it.
Jon: It’s nothing you have to worry about, Martin. I just think I should talk to Tim at some point.
Martin: oh?
Jon: Like I said, it’s nothing to worry about. But it is a relatively sensitive subject, so I don’t think I should say too much about it without Tim’s permission.
Martin: this is going to sound...a bit weird, but i think i know exactly what you’re talking about.
Martin: and i think you should definitely talk to him. sooner rather than later?
Martin: he’s obviously having a harder time that he’s letting on, and this additional thing has got to be weighing on him. he doesnt want to talk about it with me, which is understandable? but id hate to think that he’s keeping all this bottled up. he needs to talk to somebody, jon. and i think, at least for some of it, you could be that somebody.
Jon: I certainly hope so. Although, I could see him not wanting to talk to me about it, either.
Jon: Anyway, I won’t discuss it with him today. In case the conversation goes...less than pleasantly, I don’t want to ruin tomorrow for him.
Jon: I know he’s been quite looking forward to dressing as a hot witch. :-)
Martin: ha! he very much has :)) and im incredibly excited to see what his final look is going to be, with the combination of whatever the two of us have found in the back of our closets.
Martin: oh speaking of, did you come across any clothes that meet his specifications? ive found a flower crown, a wand, and a few rings that i accidentally forgot to return to someone :/ oops. still feel kind of bad about that.
Jon: Martin, I’m sure they don’t lie awake at night wondering where their rings got off to. Assuming they’re costume rings, of course. Not wedding rings or something.
Martin: yeah well :/
Jon: I’ve found a variety of things, on my end. Tim will have quite the selection to choose from.
Martin: you have...a variety of clothes that fall under the category of “hot witch”??
Jon: It’s not like I wear them anymore.
Martin: ...anymore? :)
Jon: Well it’s
Jon: Look, I was a different person at uni.
Jon: I’m also a different person outside of work. Just as everyone is. So.
Martin: wait so. are you saying you wear your um. hot witch clothes when youre not at the institute?
Jon: Christ, no, I hardly have the energy for all that.
Martin: you dont have “the energy” for it, like?
Martin: implying that it’s?? a whole ensemble you have to put together???
Jon: I. Hm.
Martin: ???
Jon: I think I should stop talking now.
Martin: do you perhaps have any photos of you from uni? just wondering.
Jon: No, I don’t have any photos of me from uni. None exist. So don’t go looking.
Martin: hm. suspicious.
Jon: There’s nothing to be suspicious about. Don’t be suspicious.
Martin: oh ok, i’ll just. stop then. i’ll just flip the suspicion switch in my brain.
Jon: Yes, do that. And while you’re at it, if you could delete a few memories of me being painfully incompetent in talking to you, that would be ideal.
Martin: oh for goodness’ sake, jon, is that what was in the videos?
Jon: Some of them, yes.
Jon: I really did not need to be reminded of my inability to shop for swim trunks but that was captured in great detail.
Jon: That, and. Well.
Jon: Monday. When we went on our walk.
Martin: oh god, i was a nervous wreck that evening :((( um, how much did your phone..?
Jon: I must have pressed something while checking the weather forecast, because it recorded everything from then until the moment we decided to head back, which is when I realized it was recording.
Jon: I can’t believe I asked you, with complete seriousness, if you were working with Mx. Eberson.
Martin: oh gosh, i forgot about that actually!
Martin: i mean...you did ask if i was a ghost that one time :)
Jon: Yes, yes, we don’t need to acknowledge that.
Martin: it’s ok, it was cute of you :)
Jon: I’m hardly “cute,” that’s ridiculous.
Martin: we are NOT having this conversation again!! accept that youre cute or um
Martin: or i won’t braid your hair tomorrow!
Jon: All right. I’ll go braidless.
Martin: :(
Jon: Martin.
Martin: yes? :(
Jon: Wait, don’t do that.
Martin: im not :( doing anything :(
Jon: Damn.
Jon: Fine. I will accept that your truth is real to you.
Martin: :/
Jon: That’s the best you’re going to receive.
Jon: ...And I’ll show you a single photo of me from uni. Tomorrow. When you come to braid my hair.
Martin: ….ok :)))
Martin: wait, since we’re going to the ren faire pretty early tomorrow, are you going to be in full costume by the time i get there? because if so i need to um. mentally prepare.
Jon: Oh, right, the Reminder.
Jon: By the way, Martin, I’ll be wearing less fabric than usual.
Jon: There you go.
Jon: :-)
Martin: …….bastard :’)
Chapter End Notes
y'all last chapter: ”I noticed things I was too oblivious to notice at the time. And if I’m lucky, when the time comes, I’ll know how to say what I need to say.” this is highly ominous and ive got to say i am quite worried?
me: Ah. Yes, that does sound fairly ominous now that I’m rereading it.
quick note that dearvirgilsanders caused explosions in my brain by commenting "WEB SASHA" in ch 27 so if you like the whole web!sasha arc, thank them, bc i did not even think about doing that before reading their comment
im interested to know how you guys think the ren faire will go, so lmk if you're expecting it to be more like waterpark pt 1 or pt 2 ;)
also you guys should check back on "the library of cursed elias" chapter bc there is new art and there are new memes
Kudos are always appreciated and comments are always read, responded to, and brewed into tim's personal Hot Witch Juice.
As always, you can chat with me @starryknightart on insta <3
renaissance
Chapter Summary
The squad goes to the ren faire.
Chapter Notes
guys. guys, i actually had to break the ren faire into 2 parts because there is SO MUCH FLUFF that it went wayyy over usual the word count. so! expect even more ren faire content next chapter :)
@ artists, whom i love dearly, the 239482 pic and video descriptions in this section are for you <333 ;)
See the end of the chapter for more notes
Sunday, 9:08 am
“there’s no ‘i’ in magnus but there is an ‘us’ <3”
Lucky charmer: for once, im on time and jon is late?? this is an impeccable way to start the day ;)
The cause of Elias’s downfall: Hurry up, you two ! The train is leaving in about five minutes !
The Piano Man: we’re at the station!! jon’s hair just took a bit longer than i expected ;-;
Lucky charmer: um photos please??
The Piano Man: no i want you to see the full effect in person :)
The cause of Elias’s downfall: That smiley face seems evil . Doesn’t that smiley face seem evil ?
Lucky charmer: it does and im afraid for my life
Lucky charmer: i dont even have my hot witch uniform on yet,, im Powerless
Lucky charmer: at least sasha the badass witch hunter can defend me. even if she plans to kill me later ;)
The cause of Elias’s downfall: I’ll never divulge my secret plans :p
The Piano Man: oh i am definitely excited to see your look, sasha!
The Piano Man: but yes im forcing you both to witness jon in his entirety, just like i had to this morning.
Lucky charmer: ooooohh boss is in full costume isn’t he
The Piano Man: yes, yes he is.
The Piano Man: i technically am as well but im wearing a jumper over the tunic, and i dont have the elf ears on yet or anything. but jon is in full gear? he is hiding nothing?? it’s wonderful, if i'm to be honest.
An absolute menace to Martin, specifically: Well, I got all costumed up for Mechs concerts. At this point, I no longer care about the opinions of strangers.
Lucky charmer: w a i t
Lucky charmer: boss, are you,,,,dressed as jonny dville???
An absolute menace to Martin, specifically: That is a definite possibility.
The cause of Elias’s downfall: Oh !
Lucky charmer: SSJKDJKS
The Piano Man: about to board. see you two in a mo <3
10:01 am
Lucky charmer: im at the refreshment car, @sash and marto did say you wanted ice in your water or nah
The cause of Elias’s downfall: Nah . Thanks !
The Piano Man: yes please!
The cause of Elias’s downfall: Oh, also - since we’re almost to Canterbury:
The cause of Elias’s downfall: [sent a photo: Tim, sitting across from Sasha in the train cair, is half-turned away and staring into the aisle with an expression of wild delight. Heading in his direction is Jon, wearing a tan felt waistcoat, a black undershirt with several of the top buttons undone and the sleeves rolled up to his elbows, dark trousers cuffed over a pair of combat boots, and a variety of belts, one of which sports an empty holster. Branches of black painted lightning streak outward from his eyes, and directly above this, strapped to his head and nestled in his hair, are a pair of steampunk goggles. Jon is smirking––he knows exactly what he is doing to everyone’s emotions. Martin follows directly behind him, smiling cheekily.]
The cause of Elias’s downfall: [sent a photo: A close-up - Jon sits in the seat nearest the window, next to Tim. He has his face turned away so that the camera can capture the magnificent detail of his hair. Slim braids form a crown around his head, then glide down into colliding loops which trickle down the back of his neck. Secondary braids ease in and out of the central design, tight and precise in their construction.]
The cause of Elias’s downfall: [sent a photo: Tim, having just changed in the train’s restroom, strolls back toward the others in his “hot witch” costume, which is comprised of ankle boots, fishnet socks and gloves, a long black skirt that looks like it has been through a shredder, a multitude of rings, a sparkling silver ivy crown, and a black mesh long sleeve shirt, which is patterned with orange moons and suns, and is entirely see-through. He waves a sleek wooden wand in no particular direction and gives the camera an over-the-top wink.]
The cause of Elias’s downfall: [sent a photo: A shot of Jon and Tim, both turned toward each other in their seats. Jon has one leg tucked up, a makeup palette balanced on his knee. One of his hands rests on Tim’s temple to keep his head still, and with the other hand, he applies gold eyeshadow.]
Lucky charmer: [sent a photo: A very similar photo to the previous one. Martin braids Sasha’s hair, his brow furrowed in concentration. He has applied his elf ears and dusted his cheeks with glitter, but hasn’t yet taken off his jumper. Sasha, however, is in full costume, wearing a white flowy blouse that is tucked into high rise green corduroys, which flare out at the ankles. She wears a brown professorial vest, has a ribbon tied into a loose bow around her neck, and sports scythe-shaped dangly earrings. White face paint drips down from her right eye like tears. Her lipstick is black and shining.]
Lucky charmer: [sent a photo: A close-up of Sasha, looking much less elegant than in the previous photo. She is scrunching up her face and sticking out her tongue as Tim shoves the camera in her direction.]
Lucky charmer: id hate to turn you into a frog with my sexy witchcraft,,,
The cause of Elias’s downfall: But ?
Lucky charmer: no that’s it ;)
The cause of Elias’s downfall: Bold of you to assume you’ll get the chance . I’m a very distinguished witch hunter, you know !
Lucky charmer: but,,can you resist my spells,,,,and my charms ;))
The cause of Elias’s downfall: Yes and yes :)
Lucky charmer: oh! well, shit
The cause of Elias’s downfall: I’ll go easy on you, when we duel .
Lucky charmer: no,,,,i want a fair fight or nothing
Lucky charmer: miss sasha “witch hunter” pyjama, i want to be dead on the ground in 3 seconds flat
The cause of Elias’s downfall: PFF
The cause of Elias’s downfall: Okay, Tim, I will do my best to defeat you in 3 seconds flat .
Lucky charmer: good,,because if you have to defend yourself against me for longer than 3 seconds? well. it'll be game over for one of us, and im not talking about me ;)
The cause of Elias’s downfall: Ohhhh, it is ON, Timothy Stoker .
10:32 am
The cause of Elias’s downfall: [sent a photo: A selfie. The picture is taken just inside the entrance to the faire. Droves of people, many of them in era-appropriate gowns and suits, wander about the hard-packed earth. Old-timey set buildings with hand-painted signs dapple the outskirts of street-sized footpaths, offering costumes, hand-made goods, refreshments, psychic readings, and more. The top half of Sasha’s face is in view at the bottom of the frame, and behind her stand the other three. Jon raises an eyebrow in her direction, Martin puts up his hand to gently wave, and Tim pantomimes casting a wicked curse in her direction.]
Lucky charmer: guys we dont have a themed gc yet?? how could we let this happen????
The cause of Elias’s downfall: The fact that Jon just read that, looked up from his phone, and said, deadpan, “Then change it.” I’m -
Lucky charmer: i feel Incredibly targeted. attacked, even
Lucky charmer: and it’s worse bc he’s dressed as jonny dville
Lucky charmer: jonny_dville_disapproves.jpg
The cause of Elias’s downfall: Jon is trying so hard not to react, I can see it in his eyes .
Lucky charmer: imma change things before he finally snaps ;)
Lucky charmer renamed the group “ren faire thots”
Lucky charmer changed An absolute menace to Martin, specifically ’s name to Ay ay captain~
Ay ay captain~: Christ.
Ay ay captain~: Actually, it could be worse.
The Piano Man changed Ay ay captain~ ’s name to Ay ay first mate~
Ay ay first mate~: Martin! The betrayal!
The Piano Man: :))
Lucky charmer changed The Piano Man ’s name to Elf!Martin
The cause of Elias’s downfall: Aww !
Lucky charmer changed The cause of Elias’s downfall ’s name to Noooo dont kill me ur so sexy aha
Noooo dont kill me ur so sexy aha: Coward :)
Lucky charmer: accept my plea
Noooo dont kill me ur so sexy aha changed her name to Witchhunter
Witchhunter changed Lucky charmer ’s name to Tim the Enchanter
Tim the Enchanter: im actually mad i didnt think of that?? damn,,,it’s perfect
Tim the Enchanter: ty sasha for your galaxy brain,,,also ily,,,,please don’t murder me ;)
Witchhunter: No promises <3
11:09 am
Elf!Martin: [sent a photo: Inside one of the shoppes, Tim gleefully cradles a small pottery bowl labeled “Ashes of my (Ex) Boss”. Leaning out from behind him, Sasha holds up a small leather book entitled, simply, “Curses For People You Hate”.]
Elf!Martin: [sent a photo: At the same shoppe, Jon looks up from a rack of potions and elixirs, his expression one of haughty skepticism. Still, he has decidedly positioned himself slightly away from the bottles labeled, in extravagant handwritten cursive, “Love Potion” and “Attract Your Soulmate”, clearly pretending that he hasn’t noticed them.]
11:18 am
Witchhunter: [sent a photo: At another vendor’s stall, Martin and Tim try on flower crowns. Martin is adjusting the one currently resting on his curls, which bursts with pink, purple, and golden buds, all of it deftly woven together with vibrant streamers. He has his lips pressed together, failing to suppress a smile, because right next to him, Tim has five separate flower crowns balanced on his head and is fixing Martin with an expression of utmost exhilaration.]
Witchhunter: [sent a photo: Jon begrudgingly allows Martin to sprinkle glitter onto his hair and face. Even before the process is complete, Jon, with this mix of space pirate makeup and glitter, looks entirely ethereal.]
Witchhunter: [sent a photo: Tim, having gotten all glittered up, compliments of Martin, sticks his face right up close to the camera to show it off, so close he starts to go out of focus. Sasha’s hand gently pushes on the side of his head, trying to move him away, but he won’t be budged.]
11:45 am
Tim the Enchanter: hey lads i popped into the weaponry shoppe and
Tim the Enchanter: [sent a photo: A large red satin display of beautifully welded daggers, each with unique and detailed hilts. The blades range from sturdy gray to gold to jade green, and the accompanying sheaths are equally varied––some of dark splotchy leather, others of white faux snakeskin.]
Tim the Enchanter: can we get an anti-elias broadsword
Tim the Enchanter: whenever he comes back to the institute, he may expect other forms of attack/defense from us but a sword??? no
Elf!Martin: I like this plan :))
Tim the Enchanter: knew i could count on you marto ;)
Tim the Enchanter: mr jonathan “yo ho it’s the space pirates life for me” sims and ms sash “i was totally kidding about planning to kill tim the hot witch” jammz, what are your thoughts on the elias sword
Witchhunter: Hm, I don’t know about using it for Elias, but many of those look useful for witch hunting …
Ay ay first mate~: Funny, I was about to say the same.
Tim the Enchanter: this is biphobia and witchphobia
Tim the Enchanter: marto is the only one who Cares
Elf!Martin: for the sword? or for you?
Tim the Enchanter: im?? afraid to answer that
Elf!Martin: ok but tim, either way the answer would be yes
Tim the Enchanter: oh,,, hahah im crying now thx
Ay ay first mate~: You are so intolerably melodramatic. I can’t believe I even associate with you.
Elf!Martin: um? says the guy who literally just pointed at a mug and said, “Tim would like this. Where is Tim? He needs to see this, he would really like it, where is he?”
Ay ay first mate~: ...
Tim the Enchanter: d’aww you softie ;)) what’s so special about the mug?
Elf!Martin: It says “Beholde, For Thou Arte in the Presence of a Thotte”
Tim the Enchanter: SDJSLKJSKLJ
Witchhunter: Oh my god . Oh my GOD PFFF
Tim the Enchanter: forget the sword, im buying the mug, holy fukc,,,be there in literally two seconds hhhhh
12:12 pm
Elf!Martin: [sent a video: The camera is pointed at a closet-sized dressing room, which has a curtain in the place of a door, and is bordered by overflowing racks of renaissance dresses. We can hear a steady undercurrent of chatter, vendors loudly advertising their wares, and the sound of somebody strumming sweetly on a lute.
Tim, off-screen, chanting: Fashion show! Fashion show!
Sasha, from behind the curtain: It will be a very short fashion show because I’m the only one in it.
Tim: That’s my ideal fashion show, for your information. Now come on out, I’m dying to see this.
Sasha, audibly smiling: Goodness gracious.
Slowly, Sasha steps out from behind the curtain. Her gown is a shining royal blue ensemble, tight around the torso and tumbling outward from the waist down. It splits into a V down the middle, revealing an inner layer of light blue satin that shimmers with exquisite patterns done in gold thread. The sleeves droop down, exposing the same second layer within, which billows out at the elbows into ornamental bubbles of white fabric. The square collar is lined with sapphires and pearls, and is nearly wide enough to drape off of Sasha’s shoulders.
Martin, under his breath: Wow.
Jon, out of frame: That looks very nice on you, Sasha.
Martin turns the camera to capture Tim, who has his hands clapped over his mouth. He genuinely looks on the verge of tears.
Martin: What do you think of the dress, Tim?
Tim, shaking his head slightly, without removing his hands: She’s so pretty.
Sasha, out of frame: Tim––
Tim: You’re so. Pretty. I––How are you so––?
He puts his face fully in his hands and walks off behind a rack of dresses. Martin chuckles softly and turns the camera back to Sasha, who is hiding her smile in the palm of her hand. After a moment, she picks up the sides of the gown and goes over to where Tim has hidden himself. Then she waits, standing directly in front of him, for him to notice her. As soon as he looks out from between his fingers, she slides her hands beneath his, cups his cheeks, and kisses him twice on the forehead.
Sasha, in a whisper: You are so silly.
Tim, lovestruck: I can’t help it.]
Elf!Martin: if i were to watch this on repeat for, i dunno, the rest of my life? id actually be very ok with that :))
Tim the Enchanter: i think her witch hunter strategy is to overwhelm me with emotion so that i die of a heart attack
Witchhunter: Looks like you’re the one who won’t be able to combat /my/ charms :)
Tim the Enchanter: she admits it!!
Tim the Enchanter: all right,, it’s time to settle this, once and for all…..
12:48 pm
Ay ay first mate~: [sent a video: Tim and Sasha, both wearing protective vests and masks, circle each other in a dueling ring, fencing swords at the ready. Tim makes banter that the microphone doesn’t quite pick up over the din of the crowd. Every so often, both make jabs forward, and most of the time the defender blocks or dodges the sword. Eventually, when the scores are tied, Sasha manages to whack Tim in the hip, and is declared champion by the referee. Tim hangs his head in mock sorrow, but shakes Sasha’s hand in acceptance of his defeat.]
Tim the Enchanter: my sexy witchcraft was no match for sasha’s Agility and Skill ;(((
Witchhunter: Better luck next time, Stoker :)
Witchhunter: Also, here, before I forget to send it:
Witchhunter: [sent a video: There is another duel happening, this one...slightly less traditional than the previous one. Tim and Jon sit facing each other on a log-shaped beam, which is raised about a meter off the hay-softened ground. Their ankles are crossed below the beam in order to help them keep their balance on the polished wood. When the referee calls for them to start, they each raise up a burlap sack full of hay and start swinging it at one another in an attempt to knock the other off. It doesn’t take too long for their bags to collide mid-swing, which sends Jon’s bag flying out of his grip. With an evil smirk, Tim scoots forward, his hay sack raised to strike. But as soon as he swings, Jon darts forward and latches onto Tim’s forearms so that as Jon loses his balance and topples over the side, Tim is dragged along with them, and the two of them fall ungracefully onto the hay with a swish . For a long moment, they just lie there, giggling like idiots.]
Witchhunter: You are both so dumb and I love you .
Elf!Martin: what she said :)
Chapter End Notes
way back in chapter 6, AgenderFolkWillEatTheWorld suggested that the squad should get an anti-elias broadsword, and my brain immediately went: "I know EXACTLY where in the fic to put this."
i am very unknowledgeable about renaissance fashion so i did some research and have determined that this is the dress that sasha almost kills tim with: https://www.pinterest.com/pin/408912841172252533/
have you guys ever been to a ren faire? if so, what was your experience like? if not, what sort of things would you be most excited to do there? personally, i love wandering around the shopping district, doing archery, hearing the live music, and DEFINITELY hitting my friends with a hay sack until they fall off the beam :)
Kudos are always appreciated, and comments are always read, responded to, and used to manifest elias ending up in that "Ashes of my (Ex) Boss" jar. Art is CHERISHED and is put up in the fic gallery to share with all readers!
You can chat with me @starryknightart on insta <3
the storm
Chapter Summary
The squad heads deeper into the faire.
Chapter Notes
See the end of the chapter for notes
Sunday, 1:14 pm
“ren faire thots”
Tim the Enchanter: the Variety of food here is wild but also the lines are,,,unfortunate ;)
Witchhunter: Love how we all went to separate places, too, so it’s a complete toss-up as to who will be the first to get their food .
Tim the Enchanter: now im wishing i decided to get soup in a bread bowl, like marto, bc his line seems to be moving waY speedier than anyone else’s
Elf!Martin: it’s because bread bowls are superior, in every way!
Tim the Enchanter: actually, ive changed my mind,,shepherd’s pie slaps! and im GLAD im getting that instead of your lukewarm soggy bread
Elf!Martin: sure, if you insist. :)
Ay ay first mate~: I find it mildly distressing that the non-bread-bowl soup is served at a completely different station than the soup that goes into the bread bowl. Why is this the case? Why can’t they be served in the same location? What is so different about bread-bowl soup versus non-bread-bowl soup?
Tim the Enchanter: idk, what *is* the difference, mr omniscient?
Ay ay first mate~: I’m not even sure there is one, which is why I’m so confused.
Witchhunter: Just a thought - maybe they saw the long lines for soup and realized they should make two separate places for soup ? It’s like how they have different stations for refreshments, for the more sugary drinks versus the water, coffee, and tea .
Tim the Enchanter: question,,,is tea a soup?
Witchhunter: Yes .
Elf!Martin: what? no!!
Ay ay first mate~: It depends.
Tim the Enchanter: im taking jon’s answer because he knows everything, and im taking sasha’s answer because she’s right
Elf!Martin: >:I
Tim the Enchanter: it’s ok marto you can have your wrong opinion ;)
Witchhunter: I’ve changed my answer, in solidarity with Martin .
Tim the Enchanter: hhhhhh
Elf!Martin: :))
Ay ay first mate~: All of you are wrong, so I suppose it doesn’t matter .
Tim the Enchanter: h e y
Witchhunter: I realize this is a very important discussion and all, but I do have an off-topic question .
Witchhunter: So Tim said he’d really like to check out the zip line after lunch ? And I would prefer not to, so would it be easier just to split up for a little while ? That way we’d be able to cover more ground :)
Elf!Martin: sure, id be ok with that! although id like to go with you, because im not a huge fan of heights?
Ay ay first mate~: Consequently, I’d like to see about the zip line, so. This sounds like a good plan.
Ay ay first mate~: Well. Assuming we haven’t died of old age by the time we get our lunch.
Tim the Enchanter: fingers fuckin crossed
2:00 pm
Elf!Martin: so um
Tim the Enchanter: ?
Elf!Martin: there has been a new development
Ay ay first mate~: What? Are you two all right?
Elf!Martin: oh um yeah, we’re not in danger or anything!! sorry, i couldve worded that better.
Elf!Martin: sasha and i were looking around in this area where a bunch of psychics are, and i found this vendor selling a bunch of things like incense and tarot and such, which i think is pretty neat! but um, anyway.
Elf!Martin: sasha said she wanted to go get a personal reading done, so while i was browsing she went across the way and ducked into a tent, and since it was right in view of where i was, i wasn’t too nervous or anything.
Elf!Martin: fifteen minutes later, she comes out, strides right over and says “notice anything different?”
Elf!Martin: and i obviously!! do!!
Tim the Enchanter: uhhh explain ????
Elf!Martin: [sent a photo: Inside a shop that is densely packed with stones, crystals, herbs, vials, and books, Sasha smiles calmly into the camera, pointing with both hands at her nose. She is now wearing a steel bull ring.]
Tim the Enchanter: ???????????????
Witchhunter: Apparently the guy did piercings, not psychic readings . But I was already in there, so I figured, why not ?
Ay ay first mate~: Well, that is certainly a twist. It does look nice, though.
Tim the Enchanter: sash,,,you look less and less heterosexual by the day
Witchhunter: That’s the goal !
Tim the Enchanter: #SashaStopGivingTimHeartPalpitationsChallenge
Witchhunter: Never :)
Witchhunter: What are you and Jon up to ? Did you do the zip line ?
Tim the Enchanter: ahaha funny story
Elf!Martin: oh??
Ay ay first mate~: It actually is pretty entertaining.
Ay ay first mate~: Only a few minutes after Tim and I got in line, I noticed two of the workers whispering and giving us odd looks. Eventually, one of them came over and pulled us to the side. I asked if there was a problem, and the man looked entirely uncomfortable. He said no, there wasn’t. Not for me at least. But Tim couldn’t be allowed to ride.
Elf!Martin: wait, why? >:(
Tim the Enchanter: slkgjk because the zipline is a fine, upstanding Vast establishment and they dont want any Buried-affected people coming in and messing with their vibe ;))
Witchhunter: No way !
Tim the Enchanter: SFLk YES WAY
Elf!Martin: gosh, i guess it’s good that you didnt get on then?
Elf!Martin: but what about the other people, though?? we can’t just let them be snatched up by the Vast, can we???
Elf!Martin: because if so, we’re going the elias route, which is knowing what’s going to happen and letting it happen anyway.
Ay ay first mate~: I agree, Martin, I do. But I’m not sure how we’d go about abolishing one of the most popular sections of the faire, especially while we’re here as guests.
Ay ay first mate~: Besides, they don’t permanently take their visitors into the Vast. I had the same thoughts as you, and I asked them about their...process.
Tim the Enchanter: “””””asked””””””
Ay ay first mate~: Right. What I mean is, I Asked them, since, understandably, they were quite hesitant to discuss their operation.
Ay ay first mate~: What I gleaned is that riders tend to experience a jolt of...I think the operators described it as height-induced derealization? Dizziness mixed with a sort of dissociation. And since so many people come through, they don’t need to do anything worse than that. It’s similar to how whales consume thousands of krill rather than hunt larger fish, except that in this case, nobody is eaten or dead.
Ay ay first mate~: I know it’s not ideal, but it does seem relatively harmless in comparison to everything else we have come across.
Elf!Martin: ok...well, if youre going to harvest fear, that does seem like the least awful way of doing it? not saying im a fan of it or anything, but it does make me feel somewhat less terrible :/
Tim the Enchanter: i think we can all agree it’s not great, but hey, since we’ve found out that nobody’s actually in mortal peril, why dont we just,,,,enjoy the rest of our day out? and not worry about it? we already have much bigger problems to deal with, none of which i want to think about for the duration of our time at the ren faire. so! let’s get back to it, then?
Elf!Martin: fair enough :) and if you want to meet up and swap ren faire buddies again, we can do that in about half an hour? because there are some activities i want to check out that sasha doesn’t seem to interested in, so i dont want to force her to come along or anything
Tim the Enchanter: sounds good to me! see you soon ;))
2:43 pm
Witchhunter: Everyone send your media before swapping !
Witchhunter: [sent a video: A muscular man in a threadbare cutoff places three small axes on the counter, then steps aside, revealing a deeply ravaged target fixed to the back wall of the stall. Martin steps up, wiping his palms on his slacks. He has taken off his cloak, wearing only his crisp white tunic and belt. From behind the camera, Sasha cheers him on. He smiles at her nervously. Then he picks up the first axe, takes a more sturdy stance. Throws it. The axe imbeds itself at the very edge of the target with a thunk .
Martin, almost apologetically: I used to be a bit better at this. I think I’m out of practice.
Sasha, from behind the camera: You still hit the target!
Martin: Yeah, I guess.
Sasha: Try again. But this time the target is someone you hate. Like…
Sasha and Martin, in unison: Elias.
Martin, grinning: I feel like this video is going to be used against me if something does mysteriously happen to Elias.
Sasha: Mysteriously?
Martin, cheekily, picking up the next axe: Mysteriously to the general public.
Sasha snorts as Martin gets back into his stance. This time, the axe sails directly into the target, mere centimeters from the bull’s eye. The third axe lands even closer.
Sasha: If I were Elias, I’d be very worried right about now.
Martin: He should be worried! As soon as I get my own axes…
Martin gives a very Tim-esque wink, and both of them break into a laughing fit.]
Ay ay first mate~: Wow.
Tim the Enchanter: ^that sounds so unimpressed but i am reporting live from the scene and jon is having a damn difficult time keeping himself together ;)
Ay ay first mate~: Tim, you’re fired.
Tim the Enchanter: finally lmao
Witchhunter: [sent a photo: Martin (now with his emerald cloak back on) leans on a railing, absolutely transfixed. In front of him, a glassmith in a worn brown tunic and tough leather apron uses an iron rod to sculpt a gooey, white-hot glob of glass into a tiny animal.]
Witchhunter: We went to a glassblower so that Martin could see fire crafts ! And then he put me in jail :(
Tim the Enchanter: SDJFK martO
Elf!Martin: :)
Elf!Martin: [sent a photo: Sasha looks out through a window slotted with chipped metal bars, one hand gripping a bar on either side of her face. She pouts at the camera.]
Elf!Martin: i paid the “corrupt” ren faire police to throw her in on charges of being too successful at witch hunting.
Tim the Enchanter: you defended,,, my honour?? i am forever grateful,,,,,my Toils are at and end,,,,i am Free
Witchhunter: My jail sentence only lasted about five minutes but my dignity will never recover !
Tim the Enchanter: haha oh no this is so sad ;)
Tim the Enchanter: speaking of someone losing their dignity
Tim the Enchanter: i didnt get a chance to record it bc i was just,, dumbstruck at how spectacular this was, but jon absolutely Demolished these other pirates we came across
Tim the Enchanter: they were trying to be all haughty (in good fun, obviously) and they were talking shit, like,, “We’re the true pirates, what is this steampunk nonsense you’re wearing?” and jon basically bantered with them for who-knows-how-long about the Pinnacles of Piracy, and it ended in the other pirates accepting defeat and worshipping jon as The One and Only Pirate
Ay ay first mate~: As they should have done all along.
Elf!Martin: my boyfriend is the pirate king :)
Ay ay first mate~: Of course :-)
Tim the Enchanter: the return of the smiley with the nose,, will jon ever type like a normal person?? stay tuned to find out ;)
Tim the Enchanter: also i found this lmaoo -
Tim the Enchanter: [sent a photo: A selfie inside a shoppe, with Tim mischievously holding a little wood-sculpted eye over the center of his forehead. Standing slightly behind him is Jon, who has just noticed what Tim is doing, and is grimacing.]
Ay ay first mate~: There are two things that seem to endlessly entertain you, and one of them is annoying me.
Tim the Enchanter: yeah ;)
Tim the Enchanter: and the other one is…?
Ay ay first mate~: Attractive people.
Witchhunter: HA
Elf!Martin: he’s not wrong :)))
Ay ay first mate~: [sent a photo: Tim sits in the row ahead of Jon, half-turned in the folding chair to flash the camera a grin and a wink. A few rows in front of him, a low stage is set up on which several shirtless men juggle fiery batons.]
Tim the Enchanter: that was a good time, i wont deny it ;))
Elf!Martin: sad i missed it :/
Tim the Enchanter: SGJHF MARTIN
Elf!Martin: i mean!! because of the fire!! not the men!!
Tim the Enchanter: oh tru. they look waaay too put-together to be your type anyway ;)
Tim the Enchanter: jon is giving me the most menacing look right now. and i am afraid for my life
Elf!Martin: good :p
3:19 pm
Jon to Sasha
Jon: Something bad is near you. I don’t know what it is but you and Tim should head back the way you came.
Sasha: It’s the clowns down the way, I think . That’s what you’re sensing ?
Jon: I suppose. Although I believe I’d be able to See them clearly if they were just
Jon: Wait. They aren’t normal clowns, are they?
Sasha: I doubt it . Tim hasn’t noticed them yet, but they look...off .
Sasha: Their faces are blurry, like I’m looking at them through a foggy window .
Jon: I’d say that’s something we’ll want to avoid.
Jon: You’re still there. Why are you still there?
Sasha: It’s all right, I know what I’m doing .
Jon: Even if they were normal clowns, I wouldn’t want Tim to see them. Because of Danny.
Sasha: Jon, do you honestly think I would ever want to hurt Tim ? If I could keep him away from all this, safe and happy and unburdened, I’d do it in a heartbeat . I want him to be okay . But he’s not okay . He’s even less okay than he’s letting on .
Sasha: I know it’s going to be bad for him, but he needs to have a run-in with them, for everyone’s good .
Jon: Is Annabelle telling you this?
Sasha: She doesn’t need to .
Jon: Why don’t we all leave, right now? We can avoid this if we just go.
Sasha: Because once Tim sees what he needs to see, there’s going to be a chain reaction . It’s the butterfly effect, Jon . It’s not when we leave that matters, it’s how we leave .
Sasha: If I steer Tim away, and you and Martin go out through the exit right now, it won’t bode well for any of us .
Sasha: Please . Trust me .
Jon: No, trust /me/. If Tim were to run in with the Stranger, it would be devastating for him. He may think he’s emotionally prepared to interact with them, but he’s not. He won’t be able to handle seeing them right now.
Jon: Meet Martin and I at the jousting rink at the center of the faire and we’ll leave together.
Jon: We’ll have strength in numbers.
Jon: Yes?
Sasha: Fine . We’re turning around .
Jon: Good, that’s very good.
Jon: Thank you.
Sasha: I’m not a monster, you know .
Sasha: It took everything I had to lead Tim toward something like that . It was the last thing I’d ever want to do .
Sasha: But I knew the alternative would be worse .
Sasha: I know it /will/ be worse . Because that’s our reality now . The worse alternative . The bad ending is coming for us, Jon .
Sasha: I just wanted to make things better .
Jon: I know you did. And I’ll probably regret not letting you do what you were set on doing, but
Jon: I couldn’t let Tim go through that. No matter what happens next. I just couldn’t.
Sasha: I get it . I really do .
Sasha: And please don’t tell Tim or Martin about this . I’m sorry you had to find out about me this way . I didn’t bring it up before because I didn’t want to alarm anyone . I thought if you knew how close to the Web I was, you might be afraid of me .
Jon: I believe I can relate to that, somewhat .
Sasha: Oh ! Right :’)
Jon: You said it yourself; you’re not a monster. And I do trust you, even if I didn’t exactly show it just now. Even if I don’t care for the Web one bit.
Jon: Whatever this supposed “worse alternative” is, we’ll figure it out together. Us and our various assortment of eyes.
Sasha: Ha ! True enough . Although, I don’t have eight eyes, Jon !
Jon: That’s good to hear, at least.
Jon: Martin and I will meet you and Tim at the center of the faire, all right?
Jon: And thank you for changing your mind. Even though I’m probably in the wrong for leading you to do it.
Sasha: I don’t blame you, really . And to be honest, even though it’s illogical to feel this way when you consider the grand scheme of things, I’m just...relieved .
Sasha: I think, deep down, I wanted someone to stop me .
Martin to Jon
Martin: gosh that crowd just came out of nowhere! whenever you catch up, im already at the arena, by the maypole :)
Martin: jon?
Jon: Right, I’ll be there soon.
Jon: I just saw something that piqued my curiosity, so I wanted to investigate.
Martin: oh okay! you and your inability to leave interesting things alone lol
Martin: what, might i ask, is this attention-grabbing thing?
Jon: Something in a shop. It’s a surprise.
Martin: ah i see...even more intriguing…
Martin: um which shop?
Martin: sorry, it’s just that we didn’t really pass any shops on our way here
Martin: im not saying youre lying! i trust you, im just jumpy i guess :/ sorry
Jon: Don’t worry, Martin. Everything’s fine. :)
Martin: oh
Martin: right
Martin: um
Martin: please dont hurt him
“we lived bitch”
Sunken treasure: can you two hurry
Wii Sports Pro Bowler: sure thing, whats the matter marto? you all right?
Sunken treasure: someone’s using jon’s phone
Keep your secrets: What ?
Sunken treasure: yeah, like? he sounded weird over text, and then he used the wrong smiley and i just
Sunken treasure: i know it sounds like im jumping to conclusions but something is wrong.
Sunken treasure: and i don't know where jon is. he was right behind me, and then he wasn’t
Keep your secrets: Shit .
Keep your secrets: Okay, Martin, you’re not jumping to conclusions . I have an idea of what happened . We’ll be there soon .
Keep your secrets: I’ll tell you more once we’ve left the faire .
Sunken treasure: but what about jon? we cant leave him here??
Keep your secrets: He might not even be in on ren faire grounds anymore, Martin .
Keep your secrets: Don’t go anywhere . We’re in sight of the arena .
Wii Sports Pro Bowler: oh, i can see you, bud,, look over to your left!
Sunken treasure: oh good, i see you too
Wii Sports Pro Bowler: great!! let’s get the hell out of here
3:52 pm
3 Missed Calls from Martin Blackwood to Jonathan Sims
4:11 pm
2 Missed Calls from Sasha James to Jonathan Sims
4:41 pm
1 Missed Call from Martin Blackwood to Jonathan Sims
5:20 pm
2 Missed Calls from Timothy Stoker to Jonathan Sims
5:45 pm
3 Missed Calls from Sasha James to Jonathan Sims
6:02 pm
-Incoming Voice Call from Timothy Stoker-
[Tim: (Distant, speaking to somebody else) Yeah, well we could always check the archives for anything helpful? Not that we’ll be able to find––
Sasha: It’s not ringing.
Tim: What?
Sasha: Your phone, it stopped ringing.
Martin: Wait, did he pick up?
Tim: (Speaking into the phone) Jon? Jon, are you there?
A rattling, plastic-y laugh comes through the line.
Nikola: Why yes, he is here! And so am I.
Sasha: Who are you?
Nikola: Oh, now that’s a question I hate! It’s so boring!
Tim: Can you just give us a name, or something?
Nikola: Hey, now! I only answered when you called because––well, since you called so many times, I thought you might have something interesting to say! But if you don’t, then I might as well hang up.
All three assistants: No!
Sasha: Please do not hang up. We want to talk.
Martin: We do, but first…Look, is Jon really there? You could be–– (To the others, slightly hushed) She could be lying about that, right?
Tim: Yeah, we need some evidence that he’s with you.
Nikola: Oh? Or what?
A moment of panicked silence.
Sasha: You took him for a reason. I’m assuming so, anyway. And maybe you want something from us. But you certainly won’t get it if we don’t know that Jon is safe first.
Martin: Y-Yeah! No deals until then.
Tim: Right.
Nikola: Wow, you three are so stubborn! Well, fine. (Her tone turns more malicious.) That was an awfully good guess ––there is something I want. But I’ll give you your evidence first, so that we can talk uninterrupted .
There comes the sound of uneven footsteps against a hardwood floor, alternating between the hollow clap of plastic and the clink of heavy metal. A door squeals open, and the footsteps continue for a few seconds before Nikola sighs jovially. Fainty, we can hear Jon’s muffled protests.
Nikola: You have some people on the phone, Archivist. Don’t be shy! Say hello!
Martin: Jon? Jon?
There is the sound of fabric being pulled away, and Jon’s voice suddenly comes through clearly.
Jon: Martin. Are you all right?
Martin: I’m fine, but––but what happened?
Tim: Yeah, where the hell are you?
Jon: I don’t, um…(The sound of static swells, then recedes.) I can’t tell. A basement, maybe? It’s pretty dismal.
Nikola: Well, that’s not very polite.
Sasha: Jon, did she hurt you?
Jon: No, not…um. Not yet, at least.
Nikola: Oh, don’t be silly, I don’t want to hurt him!
Sasha: Maybe you don’t want to. But that doesn’t mean you won’t.
A pause.
Nikola: You , specifically, are really starting to get on my nerves!
Jon: Sasha, it’s fine, Nikola probably won’t––
He is cut off by a rustling of fabric.
Nikola: That’s quite enough of that!
The uneven footsteps begin again, with Jon’s muffled words receding into the distance.
Tim: Nikola. As in Nikola Orsinov.
Nikola, sighing: He just had to go spoiling it, didn’t he? Of course he did! Because he just can’t help––
Tim, deadpan: What do you want?
Martin: Tim…?
Tim: What do you want from us? You said it was something, so tell us. Quit stalling. It’s not fucking funny.
Nikola: Somebody’s a bit cranky, hm?
Martin, hushed: Tim, she has Jon, we have to be careful ––
Tim, full volume: I know, all right? I’m not about to put Jon in more danger. I’m just talking. (To Nikola - ) Seriously, what do you want? We’ll trade. Whatever your thing is for one unharmed mess of an archivist, yeah?
Nikola: That sounds like a lovely deal. What I would like from you is very simple. I recently received a message from Elias Bouchard, and in that message, he said that he had my foot! I have been looking for that foot for ages , and apparently, it ended up at the Magnus Institute! I would like for you to return my foot to me; plastic is much nicer than metal.
She taps her metal prosthetic audibly against the floor.
Martin: Oh! Really, that’s all you––? (Nervous laugh) I mean, sure, we can do that. We can definitely do that. Right? Tim? Tim, what’s wrong?
Tim, hushed: This is my fault.
Sasha: Hey, no.
Tim: Because of that stupid email. I did this, I mentioned the foot in the email like––like a complete idiot, and that’s why Jon––
Sasha: You can’t take the blame for something like that. You couldn’t have known it would end up like this.
Tim: None of us knew it would end up like this, Sasha! But as usual, my stupid mistakes are what’s hurting us.
Martin: “As usual”? That’s not true!
(Simultaneously)
Sasha: I knew.
Tim and Martin: What?
Sasha, carefully choosing her words: I mean. I didn’t know this specifically would happen, but I knew there was going to be something bad.
Tim: You’ve been saying so much cryptic stuff lately, what are you even talking about? It’s like you’re…Like…
A beat of realization.
Tim, quietly: What are you doing, Sash?
Sasha, after a pause: I’m trying to help.
Tim: By getting on Annabelle’s side? You can’t trust her, she’s––she’s a monster!
Sasha: No, I–– she’s not! She’s helping me.
Tim: How? By telling you to keep secrets from the rest of us? By exposing other people’s secrets you have no right to tell?
Martin: Guys, please ––
Sasha: What? No!
Tim: Oh, then that was just you? Well, my Sasha wouldn’t do that.
Sasha, taken aback: Maybe I’m not your Sasha. Maybe I’m my own person, Tim! Maybe I can make my own decisions! Maybe I actually know what I’m doing!
Tim: All right, then what? I don’t know what I’m doing?
Sasha: God, that’s not what I said––!
The call devolves into loud, incomprehensible squabbling, with Martin doing his best, but ultimately failing, to restore the peace. On the other end of the line, Nikola sighs and clears her throat, but the arguing continues. After half a minute of this, she clears her throat a second time, much louder, and the assistants fall silent.
Nikola: Now that was interesting! You are a very, very tense bunch. Like a coil ready to snap! Anywho, the Archivist for my foot? Do we have a deal?
Tim scoffs; Martin winces.
Tim: We’ll get it to you. Now fuck off.]
-Call ended-
Chapter End Notes
the tea/soup discourse and axe-throwing martin are dedicated to my discord pals and to KitschyKit, respectively, due to the chaos material you have gifted me with
remember when the waterpark was the angstiest section? haha yeah
i apologize for the crimes i have committed but! i committed them for a reason. and as you well know by now, i am adamantly against angst endings,, this is a hurt/comfort section y'all, which means comfort WILL happen.
things are coming together....
Kudos are always appreciated, and comments are always read and responded to! Also, you guys have given me some really amazing plot ideas, or have otherwise commented something that directly affects what happens in this story, which ultimately makes it better and more interesting. So if you have theories, or observations, or just general thoughts, please share! All of it helps me a) become a better writer and b) write a better story.
You can chat with me @starryknightart on insta <3
damaged goods
Chapter Summary
The assistants try to fix things.
Chapter Notes
See the end of the chapter for notes
Monday, 7:43 am
Sasha to Tim
Sasha: Can we talk ?
Tim: depends. are you just going to lie to me?
Sasha: Tim, of course not . I’m not like Annabelle, I don’t go around manipulating people for fun .
Sasha: You know me, you know I wouldn’t do that .
Tim: oh come off it, sash. i dont know what i know anymore. i dont know what im supposed to think
Tim: you get why im upset, right?
Sasha: Because I let myself get pulled into the Web, and I kept it a secret . I should have told you .
Tim: wrong and wrong
Tim: i mean i wish you had told me about that because im just,,,fucking worried about you
Tim: i know things can get complicated. we all saw how the Eye affected jon, so its not like im going to assume the Web would be any easier to deal with
Tim: the real reason im pissed is that youre making decisions for everyone like we’re your play soldiers or something. as though we don’t deserve to have any say in the matter
Tim: youre not even giving us the chance to choose, youre just going ahead and doing what you think is right. and that’s not okay. withholding information /is/ lying, sash
Sasha: Then I’ll be honest . From now on, I’ll tell you what you want to know . All you have to do is ask .
Tim: its not even close to being that simple, but you know what? fine
Tim: tell me something you’ve kept hidden from the rest of us. your choice of which one, im sure there’s plenty to choose from
Sasha: Tim, please .
Tim: look, im sorry. im just
Tim: im just frustrated
Sasha: I know .
Sasha: And I guess there is something I didn’t tell any of you, and now that I think about it, it’s quite a ridiculous thing to keep secret .
Sasha: Do you remember when I left the institute for a day in order to finish hacking Elias’s email ? And I told you the reason I left was so that Elias wouldn’t be able to read my mind and find out what I was up to if he stopped into the break room ?
Sasha: Well, that was part of it . But the biggest reason was that I needed help .
Sasha: I’m still in touch with one of my friends from uni . She’s an absolute genius, and she’s twice the hacker I am . So I went to her, and we broke into the account together .
Sasha: I guess I just didn’t want to admit I needed help in the first place ? I didn’t want any of you to realize I’m actually not nearly as competent as I try to be .
Tim: sash, just because you got some help, that doesnt mean youre not competent?? you are literally so much more competent than the rest of us
Sasha: I really don’t believe that’s true, but I appreciate that you think so ?
Sasha: Also, Tim, this conversation doesn’t just have to be over text . You can ask me whatever you want once we get to work, if you’d like .
Tim: i think im going to take a sick day, actually. i need some space.
Sasha: Oh . Okay .
Tim: next question: why did you tell martin my thing about jon?
Sasha: I’m so sorry, that was wrong of me .
Tim: ok, thank you,,but youre avoiding the question
Sasha: I just wasn’t thinking, I guess .
Tim: you werent thinking
Sasha: It was just a mistake ! And I shouldn’t have done it, and I feel terrible about it .
Tim: fine, dont tell me why. see if i care.
Tim: but when you see martin today, if he asks you anything, dont lie to him. and dont leave things out of your answer.
Sasha: I wouldn’t do that .
Tim: sure
8:03 am
“we lived bitch”
Sunken treasure: um, what’s the plan for getting the foot to nikola?
Sunken treasure: i can do it, i just wanted to check with you two first.
Keep your secrets: I can do it .
Wii Sports Pro Bowler: no
Keep your secrets: I’m not going to do anything to jeopardize Jon’s safety, Tim !
Wii Sports Pro Bowler: nikola obviously doesnt like you, so having you meet with her would not be the smartest plan. we need to use someone more neutral in nikola’s eyes.
Keep your secrets: Oh .
Keep your secrets: You have a point .
Wii Sports Pro Bowler: ill go, it’s fine. i dont want martin to have to deal with evil clowns
Sunken treasure: ok but i dont want you to deal with them either? tim??
Sunken treasure: truly, i can go. i just need to get in and out of the institute without peter lukas catching sight of me.
Wii Sports Pro Bowler: on second thought, yeah. marto will do the delivery
Sunken treasure: oh? okay, good, i guess.
Wii Sports Pro Bowler: sasha, make sure he doesnt get lost in the tunnels. ill keep peter busy
Keep your secrets: I thought you were staying home today ?
Wii Sports Pro Bowler: change of plans
Wii Sports Pro Bowler: both of you meet me outside the lobby. we’ll go from there.
9:19 am
Peter to Elias
Peter: Well, this morning has been full of surprises.
Elias: Oh? Do explain.
Elias: Martin hasn’t given you any trouble, has he? I doubt he would, but even he can muster up a speck of defiance every once in a while.
Peter: Like I said, we’re talking about surprises here, Elias.
Elias: I see. Do go on.
Peter: First of all, Martin didn’t report to his new workspace. I sort of expected this, so I went down to the basement and looked around in the break room and the archives. Strangely enough, he was nowhere to be found. In fact, for a while I couldn’t find anybody.
Elias: You could simply ask Jonathan where his assistants are. He’ll be at his desk.
Peter: When I said, “I couldn’t find anybody,” I didn’t mean, “I couldn’t find any assistants.” The place seemed empty. It would have been pretty nice if I didn’t feel like even the furniture was watching me.
Elias: You mean to say that my Archivist is not in his office?
Peter: Don’t get all worked up, it’s fine. Let me tell my tale.
Elias: Seeing as it’s not a shanty, I’ll endure it.
Peter: I ventured further into the archives, and eventually I happened upon a young lady. I assume it was one of the assistants, Sasha James. She was sitting on a box of files, staring intently at her phone, but not typing anything. She looked very tired, and sad, and lonely. I think I might promote her to be my second assistant, if you wouldn’t mind.
Peter: Anyway, I asked her where Martin was. She flinched when she noticed me, which was fun. (I have to amuse myself somehow.) She said she didn’t know, but she looked nervous. She said that maybe he had gone to my office, and was waiting there for me.
Peter: Of course, I didn’t believe this, but I humoured her and popped back upstairs. Well, lo and behold, somebody was waiting for me. But it wasn’t Martin.
Peter: He introduced himself as Tim, one of the archival assistants. He also looked incredibly tired. I asked him what I could do for him, and he said he would be taking over Martin’s position as my personal assistant. He told me he would be better suited for it.
Peter: Now this, I believed. Just one look at him and I could tell. Not that this person was naturally suited to isolation, but he wanted it badly. I realize, Elias, that you would be better at determining the details of his mentality, but from what I gathered, he is very angry. Angry at the world, angry at himself. He plans to tuck himself away into this empty little corner of the Institute, where he can’t do anyone any harm.
Peter: I think I quite like the substitution, actually. Tim is different from the souls I usually take in. He’s burning up from the inside out. Yes, it will be interesting to see what happens to him.
Elias: All this is fascinating, truly, but I’d appreciate it if we skipped to the part where you tell me what has become of my Archivist.
Peter: Oh, what’s the matter, Elias? In a hurry?
Elias: Hardly.
Peter: Are you still at that French hotel? Self-described as “a temple to hedonism”?
Elias: Yes, it’s quite a good one. I approve of their amenities.
Peter: Right, like the private pool, steam room, and turkish bath, all of which are hidden away in a secret, low-lit room.
Elias: As a matter of fact, yes. I’m there now. And I regret telling you about my experience here, as, clearly, you are using this information purely to mock me.
Peter: It is just about 9:30 in the morning. Well, 10:30 where you are. So let me guess - you’re reprising the infamous honeymoon tequila sunrise while you soak?
Elias: Don’t be absurd. I’m rather enjoying my mimosa.
Elias: Now, back to the point. Where is my Archivist?
Peter: Well, from what I gathered upon overhearing some conversations between Sasha and Martin (when he came back from wherever he was), it seems like Jon is currently in the care of Nikola Orsinov.
Peter: Hm. Maybe “care” is the wrong word.
Elias: That explains why I can’t Know his location.
Elias: Assuming Nikola just wants to puppet him around for a little while, this shouldn’t be a problem. In fact, it could be a good thing. Unless she is holding a grudge against me for (rightfully) accusing her of replacing Jonathan with a member of the Not-Them.
Peter: Oh yeah, I forgot about that. If that incident wasn’t caused by the Stranger, what exactly did happen? You eventually figured it out, right?
Elias: I don’t want to talk about it.
Elias: Anyway, let me know if you run into any more surprises. I suspect you will.
Peter: Ha. I suspect so, too.
10:43 am
“ren faire thots”
Elf!Martin: i made the delivery.
Witchhunter: How did it go ??
Witchhunter: Martin ?
Elf!Martin: sorry, im just um. trying to get my thoughts together i guess. it’s hard to remember what happened while i was inside, and in what order they happened. everything’s a bit blurry.
Elf!Martin: i guess the order doesn’t matter. there’s only one thing that matters.
Elf!Martin: nikola still has jon.
Tim the Enchanter: wtf,,,how???
Witchhunter: You gave her the foot, didn’t you ??
Elf!Martin: yeah, but there was something she didn’t like about it. im trying to remember.
Elf!Martin: oh, so she didn’t like that it was scuffed up? she said i had brought her “damaged goods.” and she basically gave me two options. either she’d keep jon for a little while longer, until her people could fix it, or she’d give jon back in um. the same condition as the foot.
Witchhunter: Oh god .
Elf!Martin: i didnt know what to do. it’s hazy but...at some point i got to see jon. and i get the sense that he convinced me that he’d be fine staying there for a bit?? it sounds utterly stupid now, but anyway, that’s what happened.
Witchhunter: I’m sorry you had to deal with that alone .
Elf!Martin: yeah. thanks.
Witchhunter: Are you almost back to the Institute ?
Elf!Martin: no, once i left the building i just got really dizzy and overwhelmed? so i'm currently sitting on a park bench, trying to keep myself sane.
Tim the Enchanter: you dont have to come back if youd rather go home for the day. take care of yourself, bud
Elf!Martin: i appreciate that, but i need to report to peter lukas, if only to tell him im going to intentionally be the least helpful assistant he’s ever had
Tim the Enchanter: dw it’s already been taken care of
Elf!Martin: wait what
Witchhunter: Tim, what do you mean ?
Tim the Enchanter: when i went to distract him, we had a chat,,,and i convinced him hed be better off without marto. problem solved ;)
Elf!Martin: oh! well that’s great! thank you :)
Elf!Martin: i guess i’ll head back soon then. i’d rather have some company right now than be alone in my flat. see you both in the break room?
Witchhunter: I’ll be there, but I believe Tim went back home for the day ?
Tim the Enchanter: ah nope actually
Witchhunter: But I haven’t seen you since this morning ?
Tim the Enchanter: im in the building, im just doing my own thing. dont worry about it
Elf!Martin: :/ that does seem a little suspicious, tim
Tim the Enchanter: ok im not the one you should be suspicious of
Tim the Enchanter: actually you know what? nevermind. im not getting into this again.
Tim the Enchanter: also why are we using the gc with jon in it
Elf!Martin: i didnt want jon to be isolated from everything, so i made nikola swear that she’d let jon look at his messages every so often. so i thought it’d be nice for him to know what’s going on.
Tim the Enchanter: she could be lying
Tim the Enchanter: she could have just said that, and then the moment you left, she could have smashed jon’s phone to bits
Elf!Martin: please don’t say that.
Tim the Enchanter: well it’s true? we can’t trust anything nikola says, and even if she didnt destroy the phone, for all we know /she’s/ the one on jon’s end watching us have this conversation??
Tim the Enchanter: yeah im not taking the chance.
Tim the Enchanter: i will not be her own personal source of entertainment.
Tim the Enchanter left the group
Elf!Martin: oh no.
Witchhunter: Dammit .
Elf!Martin: ….should we talk to him in the other gc?
Witchhunter: Yes, but let’s give him a moment to cool off .
Elf!Martin: right.
Elf!Martin: also um. something’s going on with him. and while i think i know part of it, im sort of grasping at straws here? he’s just acting really weird, and i don’t know what to think.
Elf!Martin: i feel like maybe he did something. or he’s about to do something.
Witchhunter: We can still fix things, but first it is imperative that we get him to talk to us . Otherwise I don’t know what will happen, but it won’t be good .
Elf!Martin: is that something you think? or is that more of a um. a Web thing?
Witchhunter: Honestly, I don’t know which is which anymore .
Witchhunter: Wow . That sounds truly monstrous, doesn’t it ?
Elf!Martin: no, sasha.
Elf!Martin: no. it just sounds hard.
Witchhunter: You don’t hate me, then .
Elf!Martin: what?? of course not!
Elf!Martin: i dont blame you for trying to help. and yeah, ok, you could have made different choices along the way. but we’re all flawed, we all make mistakes.
Elf!Martin: most importantly, we’re all on the same side. we’re together. um, maybe not physically, at the moment, but you know what i mean. this is how we work best! together, as a group.
Elf!Martin: so let’s just keep it that way? we’ll get to the bottom of whatever tim is going through, and pretty soon he’ll be back to his normal self. we’ll eventually get jon back, unharmed. and after that we’ll figure out how to deal with elias once and for all, and then everything will be fine. ok? we’re going to be fine.
Witchhunter: Martin …
Elf!Martin: no, no, it makes sense! we just need to have each other’s backs. and to do that, all we need is open, honest communication. so let’s start with tim. once he comes around, it’ll all work out from there.
“we lived bitch”
Sunken treasure: hey tim, i was wondering if youd want to talk? i know things are hard but you dont have to be by yourself right now
Wii Sports Pro Bowler: thanks, but im good
Sunken treasure: oh. um, okay.
Sunken treasure: are you sure?
Wii Sports Pro Bowler: yes
Keep your secrets: Would you at least tell us what you’re doing ?
Wii Sports Pro Bowler: lmao no
Keep your secrets: Why not ?
Wii Sports Pro Bowler: you wouldnt get why im doing it. but i know that its for the best
Wii Sports Pro Bowler: oh hey,, that sounds familiar, doesnt it sash? guess im a hypocrite
Sunken treasure: tim, what did you do??
Sunken treasure: I just got an email from peter lukas about a replacement assistant??
Keep your secrets: What .
Keep your secrets: Tim, you said you convinced Peter Lukas to drop Martin as his PA .
Wii Sports Pro Bowler: yeah, i did.
Keep your secrets: Okay, but you neglected to mention the caveat ? What happened to “withholding information is lying” ??
Wii Sports Pro Bowler: you know what? i dont need this
Wii Sports Pro Bowler: everything is already so royally fucked, and im just trying not to mess it up further. you two can figure out whatever you want to figure out, but for everyone’s sake, dont include me. im done.
Wii Sports Pro Bowler deleted the group
Chapter End Notes
Martin: everything's going to be fine :))))
Sasha: actually i dont know if--
Martin: shhh im Manifesting itI know I keep saying I'm going to give Tim the comfort he deserves, yet I keep hurting him worse, but I SWEAR he will get a reprieve. It's in my notes, so it must be true.
Everything I wrote about the hotel Elias is staying at is true. The website literally calls it a temple to hedonism, and there is a "secret spa" with gold astrological patterns looping across the ceiling. Check it out, it's beautiful, and bougie as hell: https://www.maisonsouquet.com/en/
A while back, KittyGalaxy typed out a bunch of bomb-ass theories about what they think will happen in this fic, and it made me rethink a bunch of things, and Tim replacing Martin as Peter's PA was an idea that came to me during this epiphany, so if you are currently in pain from this new development, you can put half the blame on them :))
Believe it or not, this fic is sort of coming to a close? There are only about 7-8 chapters left in my outline, and this chapter was very much a turning point. As you will see next chapter, we have entered our final sequence....which means the formatting might be a little different ;)
Kudos are always appreciated, and comments are always read, responded to, and used to help Martin manifest a happy ending.
You can chat with me @starryknightart on insta <3
hobbies
Chapter Summary
Martin finds new ways to cope.
Chapter Notes
See the end of the chapter for notes
Personal Note - Monday, May 17 - 2:30 pm
Today feels sort of different, even though it shouldn’t, really. There’s nothing new about sitting in an empty break room, staring at Sasha and Tim’s empty desks and Jon’s empty office. The quiet isn’t new. And it smells like it always does, all dry and musty. Bitter from the dust cooking itself on the overhead lights. I guess today feels different because it’s been two weeks.
Two weeks since what, though? Jon was taken two weeks and a day ago. Sasha left two weeks from this coming Wednesday. Maybe it’s because two weeks ago is when Tim took the PA job. I catch glimpses of him every now and again. He’s hard to pin down, but I find him on his way to do things for Peter, sometimes. He doesn’t really look at me, though. I wish he would. Nobody has looked at me in a while. I’m beginning to feel like I’m not even real. I don’t know, maybe that’s stupid. Just being here in the institute, I feel watched all the time, even though no one’s around. “I am watched, therefore I am.” Wow, sort of ashamed to admit I laughed a bit, writing that down. It’s not even funny. But to be fair, nothing has been funny in a while.
That could be it––two weeks since I’ve had a proper laugh. Actually, no, now that I think about it, it’s been longer. The ren faire was the last time. It’s hard to believe that happened at all, honestly. The whole day feels like a dream to me now.
I’ve had a lot of downtime, what with my boss being currently occupied with a gang of evil eldritch circus clowns. So I’ve just been reading. Mostly Elias’s emails. I can’t concentrate on poetry books or anything, not when I know I can be spending my time figuring things out instead. Not that I’ve discovered any real solution, but I did gather some stuff about his original body. I’ve made a good amount of notes. Jon would have an absolute fit if he saw the state they’re in. The way they’re “organized”, they’d give Gertrude a run for her money.
I haven’t talked to Jon in a few days. And even then, it was the shortest phone call I believe I’ve ever had with someone. Before Nikola made him hang up, he had time to tell me he was all right, and not to worry, that it was looking like he’d be free to go soon. And maybe that should have reassured me. But he sounded so tired. He sounded unwell. How am I not supposed to be worried about him? There’s no room left in me for hopeful feelings. When I think of him, all that’s there is an ache.
Well, I think that might be it. Two weeks ago is when I stopped believing that things could still be okay.
I guess that’s why I’ve felt like I’ve been drifting lately. There’s nothing to trick myself into looking forward to.
It’s actually sort of nice.
Personal Note - Tuesday, May 18 - 11:07 am
So I may have sort of broken into Elias’s office? Or, no, that makes it sound way cooler than it actually was. Really, I just walked in. Peter doesn’t leave it locked nearly as much as he should. I don’t know what my goal was, going in there. Probably I was just bored. It’s not like there’s much for me to do besides take the occasional visitor’s statement.
Actually, no. There was a reason. I was hoping I’d find Tim in there. I know it makes no sense, since it’s not like he’d have any real reason to be in Elias’s office. But before I went in, I sort of let myself imagine it. Like, what if I went in and he just happened to be sorting files or something? He’d have to talk to me then, right? He couldn’t just disappear around another corner. He’d have to be there with me.
But he wasn’t. Of course he wasn’t. So I just ended up snooping around a bit. Found a statement about a house fire tucked away in the drawer. I’ll read it later, once I get through my current reading list. Oh, right! I’ve been going through some of the statements. If they’re new, I’ll record them, but sometimes I just read them. I still hate them, to be clear. But some of them aren’t as bad? Like they’re cozy, in a weird, creepy way. They’re warm.
There’s this fuzzy little spider that shows up when I’m reading them, and she’s really adorable. I’m pretty sure she’s one of Annabelle’s. Or Sasha’s, if she can send spiders? But anyway, It’s nice to have a friend around, even if she can’t exactly hold a conversation. She does like tea, though! I made her some the other day, and when I put a few drops of it on a plate, she went right up to it. She doesn’t seem to like my other, newer hobby, but that’s understandable. And anyway, we don’t have to agree on everything.
It occurs to me I’ve been prattling on about my friendship with a spider? Please, please, please let no one ever see these notes.
12:43 pm
Martin to Tim
Martin: hey, i know youre probably pretty busy but um
Martin: if we could talk soon thatd be great? just
Martin: text me sometime. please.
2:19 pm
Martin to Jon
Martin: hi dear, i hope things aren’t too terrible for you right now
Martin: i mean besides being held captive by...horrifying living mannequins :/
Martin: if nikola is giving any hint of going back on her deal, i need to know. so just like. tell me, make a sign, and ill come and get you out. somehow i will.
Martin: seriously, how long does it take to repair a plastic foot?
Martin: anyways um
Martin: i miss you, jon. i really miss you.
Martin: and if nikola would so kindly allow me to speak to my beloved boyfriend, id much appreciate it? so um. thank you in advance, nikola
Martin: right. um. talk to you soon, i hope.
Personal Note - Wednesday, May 19 - 4:13 pm
Today was hard. It’s not like anything particularly terrible happened. Actually, today has been exactly like yesterday, and the day before that. But I think that’s the reason why today was hard. Because at some point, when you get used to nothing changing, things just start to feel bad all the time. It’s like when you’re sick, and you get all achy and restless, and the cold medicine doesn’t do anything besides tire you out, and then you’re too restless to fall asleep.
I haven’t done any poetry in a while. Guess I could try that? Although I don’t have much inspiration at the moment. That’s not really a good excuse, though. True poets don’t just sit around waiting for the muse to strike. Okay. Um.
Reaching out through quiet curtains
fingers untouched
circling like butterfly wings,
your palms frost over while
mine
go up in flames.
The night d
Sasha to Martin
Sasha: Hi Martin, I’m sorry for taking so long to get back to you . I’ve been trying to figure things out, and it’s just a lot to process, especially because I don’t entirely know what I’m doing ? But I’m making progress !
Martin: oh um hi! that sounds very good!
Martin: how have you been?? you’re still staying with Annabelle, i’m assuming?
Sasha: Yes, I am . She’s been a huge help, even though she’s pretty cryptic a lot of the time . I think you’d like her :)
Martin: well you could bring her to the institute, i guess? you could visit! please? id appreciate that. a lot.
Sasha: I’ll ask, but I doubt she’d want to go there…she doesn’t like it, and I don’t blame her .
Martin: ah. right.
Martin: well maybe you could stop by? just by yourself?
Martin: it doesnt have to be long or anything
Martin: i know you said that being wherever you are helps you concentrate on the big picture, but um. a quick trip couldnt hurt, right?
Martin: or maybe it could, i dunno.
Sasha: I’ll come back soon, I swear . I just feel like I’m so close to figuring things out and i don’t want to risk messing with my focus right now . I’m sorry, Martin .
Martin: no, it’s. um.
Martin: i get it.
Sasha: Right .
Sasha: You’ve taken a liking to Esther, it seems :)
Martin: wait, who?
Sasha: The spider !
Martin: oh! yeah, she’s great :)) she likes my tea
Sasha: Well, who wouldn’t !
Martin: aw <3
Sasha: I miss your tea so much :(
Sasha: Also . I was wondering if you’ve talked to Tim lately ?
Martin: no, i havent.
Martin: i mean ive tried, but he just avoids me.
Sasha: Oh .
Martin: yeah
Martin: have you?
Sasha: No, he hasn’t texted me back .
Martin: oh. sorry :(
Martin: maybe he’ll come around once you figure out your big, spooky web thing?
Sasha: Ha, I hope so !
Sasha: Speaking of which, I’m going to go back to solving my big spooky web thing ? But I’ll keep you updated, I promise .
Martin: oh, ok. i’ll talk to you soon then?
Thursday, 9:56 am
Tim to Martin
Tim: martin, youve got to stop lighting stuff on fire??
Martin: hello to you too, tim :))
Martin: wait, how do you even know about that?
Martin: have you even gone into the archives a single time these past two weeks?
Tim: look, i dont personally care, but peter doesn’t want the smoke to damage anything
Martin: it’s really not that much fire. it’s just a bit. it’s a hobby :/
Martin: maybe im one of those pyromaniacs who needs to be kept under constant surveillance? i think a good use of your time would be to come back to your old desk, just to make sure i dont burn down the institute on accident :) peter would surely agree, right?
Tim: oh he definitely wouldnt
Tim: listen, im not even supposed to be texting you right now. but you need to know that peter is legit pissed about this.
Tim: if you dont stop, hes literally going to throw you into the lonely or something, so please just keep your head down. i dont want anything to happen to you
Martin: ill stop if you come to the archives? just have a cuppa with me. please, tim.
Tim: i cant
Martin: well, fire it is then!
Tim: fucking hell marto
Tim: fine,,do what you want.
Tim: i tried.
Martin: yeah. so did i.
Personal Note - Friday, May 21 - 8:13 pm
I think I might do something terrible tonight. I don’t know what it is, but I’ve got my jacket and boots on and my keys in my pocket and all I have to do is turn off the light and walk out the door. I’m writing this note because I’m stalling. It’s sort of working? It’ll work until I run out of things to say. So I guess I’ll just keep writing what comes to mind.
A few days ago I compared tedium to feeling sick and restless, and truly, that’s all it was: a comparison. But right now, I do feel restless. So, so restless. And sitting here, typing on this little keypad, is getting more and more difficult because all I want to do is get up and move and go somewhere.
Somewhere––a specific place, that is. Not just outside. I don’t know how I know, but wherever I’m meant to be going, it feels secluded, and dark. Dry. I think I'll know it when I see it. And I’m meant to do something there that I don’t fully understand, but will probably regret.
Probably. Maybe.
Or maybe not.
I don’t know what else to type. Sometimes you just know you’re going to end up doing something, even though you don’t want to. Or maybe you do. Either way, you know you’re going to end up doing it, like it’s fate.
I’ll finish my poem first, since I got distracted when Sasha texted me. And then I’ll go wherever I’m supposed to go.
I’ll be getting on a train, I think.
The night deepens, pressing into
palm lines as
our shining hands clasp
and extinguish one another
like a pact.
They knew
it would have been better
for both of them
if they had never met.
But they did.
And so did we.
Saturday, 3:39 am
Jon to Martin
Jon: A deal is a deal, Martin...
Jon: Come get him :)
Chapter End Notes
yes, yes, i know im a big bad mean author <3
this chapter is a bit shorter,,, but to be fair, i had to write actual prose, and MEDIOCRE POETRY, the effort of which almost killed me. and next chapter will have *gasp* fluff??? comfort????? i almost forgot that those things existed
anyway thanks for putting up with my angst nonsense, you will soon reap the rewards of you patience :)Kudos are always appreciated, and comments are always read and responded to, and shall be used as my own personal buffer for when the ending of tma inevitably shatters my soul
fires of the home
Chapter Summary
Martin recounts his eventful night; Sasha has a breakthrough.
Chapter Notes
Hey, guys. As many of you know, the final episode of TMA was yesterday. (Don't worry, I'm not about to spoil anything.) Regardless of what happened in ep 200, it's a hard thing to face the end of a series. But luckily for us, we are part of an incredibly creative, talented, and supportive community of people who will continue to do as we have always done: explore what we love. Whether that means writing, art, music, analysis, or even just sharing theories––we're still here. I've seen people joking that TMA /was/ a podcast, but in my opinion, it still /is/ a podcast. It may be canonically complete, but that doesn't mean it's gone.
That being said, please take care of yourselves! It's more than okay to feel your feelings, especially after such an intense ending. It's okay to grieve.
Anyway - if you have read this far in the fic, I dearly hope you have finished season 4, but if for some reason you haven't, please note that this chapter includes very specific spoilers for ep 160!
Enjoy :)
See the end of the chapter for more notes
Personal Note - Saturday, May 22 - 5:32 am
So um. A lot has happened.
Jon is here. That’s probably the first thing I should mention. After Nikola texted me at three in the morning, I went and picked him up from the basement. It looked like they had just…left him there. The place was silent. Empty. When I found him, he was in the same spot as when I saw him two weeks before, tied to that folding chair, slumped over. The nerve of those people! I don’t care if they’re eldritch horrors or whatever, they could have at least let him lie down until I got there.
He was barely conscious, so I just splurged for a cab to take us back to my flat. I don’t know how much he’ll remember later, he was having a really hard time keeping his eyes open. Not that he needed to! I kept telling him it was okay to sleep, he should feel free to use me as a pillow, honestly, it was the least I could do. But he kept saying something about things feeling too warm? He didn’t seem to be running a temperature, but I’ll check again later, after he wakes up. I put him in my bed, which I don’t think he noticed, because if he had, he probably would have started protesting about imposing or some nonsense. Thankfully, I managed to get his shoes off, and then he was out like a light. I really hope he gets a nice, long rest. I can’t even imagine what he’s been through.
I should sleep soon, too. Even before Nikola’s text came in, I was out doing…well. It’s hard to explain. Actually, I don’t even know if I should write it down? That’s sort of like blatantly confessing to what is most certainly a crime, and I’d rather not go to prison!
But I mean, it’s not like I’m publishing these notes. They’re for personal use only…so um. It’ll be fine, I think? Whatever, I’m too tired to care.
Okay, so I don’t really know how to start this off? Um. I guess I’ll just say it.
I burned down a house.
And that sounds really, really bad! And I guess it sort of is, when I think about it? But also it was clearly an abandoned house, in total disrepair, all chipped and rotted. So it’s not like I burned down someplace that people were using? But yeah. I got on a train, and then I got off outside London, and I just walked out into the countryside, in the dead of night. Had no clue where I was going, but I felt like I was going in the right direction, if that makes sense? At least it was nice out. A big dark sky overhead, chilled winds sifting around me and through the fields. I barely saw any buildings on my way. I don’t know how I knew it was there. I just knew.
And when I walked up to it, it sort of eclipsed the moonlight, its walls going black in shadow, and then it was like whatever force had driven me there suddenly vanished. Then I was acutely aware that I was alone, in the middle of the night, standing at the edge of this creepy old house. And I didn’t understand what any of it meant, except that I had, in all likelihood, finally gone round the bend. Obviously, I immediately turned around, and I would have marched straight back the way I came.
But then I thought, What’s the point?
I thought, There’s nothing for me at home. There’s nothing for me at work. I do everything I can to keep things under control, but Tim doesn’t talk to me, and Sasha isn’t around, and however much I tell myself Jon is fine, I don’t really know that, do I?
It’s like having this leaky ceiling. You put more and more buckets underneath the spots where the water is dripping through, and you spend all your time adjusting the buckets, and you tell yourself you can do this forever. And maybe you can. But the real problem is that you don’t know how to fix the leaks. So really, you don’t have control over a single thing. You’re just buying time.
And that’s when I looked back at that house, and I thought, Maybe I don’t have to worry about controlling everything so much. Maybe I can just let go.
I went up to the front of it. Again, I don’t know why, but I placed my hand on the cracked frame where the doors used to be. The wood felt rough and dead, a bit grimy. I wasn't expecting anything, really, but I kept my hand there. Feeling utterly frustrated and sad and powerless.
Then there was this sweltering pressure in my hand, and dark smoke puffing out from beneath my fingers. Then there was fire.
The rest of the house went up within seconds, as though it had been doused in gasoline. It was this rush of white and red flames lighting up the night, with little bits of burning ash spurting out from the collapsing beams and carrying themselves away on the wind. I probably should have done something about it. I don’t know what. Maybe called someone. Or even just walked back to the train station. But I dunno, I just couldn’t pull myself away? Because here was this empty home crumbling to charred bits of rubble, and it was something I had done. Me. Martin K Blackwood. A person who can, apparently, make irreversible things happen in the world. A person who exists, despite sometimes feeling like he doesn’t.
Anyway. I think that just about covers it. I can already see the sun coming up. And here I am, falling asleep at the table. I should at least change into something that doesn’t smell like a bonfire before having a lie down? I don’t want to wake Jon by rummaging through my closet, though. Hm.
I think I’ll just take the couch for the time being. If the pillows end up smelling a bit like woodsmoke, well. It won’t be the worst thing in the world. Jon did always like that smell.
8:48 am
Sasha to Martin
Sasha: Martin, I need to talk to you as soon as possible ! It’s important !
Sasha: For once, it’s actually a GOOD important thing !
Sasha: Please text me as soon as you get this !
10:51 am
Martin: hi, sorry, today has been
Martin: well, it’s been a lot.
Martin: but you have good news?
Martin: are you coming back?
Sasha: Yeah, I am !
Martin: wait, really??
Sasha: Yes ! :)) Things are so much clearer to me now, I’ve had a major breakthrough . It’s a lot, so I’d rather tell you about it in person . You and Tim . Do you know where he is ? He’s not answering my texts, of course .
Sasha: He’s been working weekends lately, hasn’t he ? I could meet you both at the Institute and explain everything .
Martin: oh um. well actually i just got back from there. i was trying to find him to tell him that jon’s back?
Sasha: Oh my goodness, that’s such a relief . I figured he might be released this weekend but I wasn’t sure if things would line up that way ? Anyway, how is he doing ?
Martin: he’s still asleep, but um. he seems intact, at least? ill let you know once he wakes up.
Martin: as for tim
Martin: i obviously couldnt find him, so i just went and stood in peter lukas’s office until he appeared and begrudgingly asked what i needed. i asked him where tim was, that it was important. and i sort of expected him to say tim was doing some paperwork and couldn’t be disturbed, but according to peter, tim has been out all day? some “personal errand.”
Martin: peter seemed pretty miffed about it, too, so it probably wasnt a lie.
Martin: do you have any um. web-related ideas about where he may have gone?
Sasha: ...I do, actually, but first, I may as well bring you up to speed .
Martin: please do :))
Sasha: So for the past few weeks I’ve been off with Annabelle, sort of as her apprentice ? And my goal was initially to figure out how to take down Elias . It still is, but I learned that things aren’t so simple . You can’t just detangle one strand of the potential future, you have to detangle all of it . So there was a lot to get through .
Sasha: Back at the ren faire, I didn’t understand how complicated things were . When I saw members of the Stranger there, I understood that I had a choice . A really awful choice . But it was that or have bad things happen in the long-term .
Sasha: I told Jon that we were heading for the bad ending, and I wasn’t wrong about that––I mean, look at how things are right now .
Sasha: But I wasn’t right, either .
Sasha: This isn’t the end . This is just a moment in time . A lead-up to something else .
Sasha: You know the rituals we read about ? The ones that tried to bring Entities into the world ?
Sasha: Well, if those were powerful enough to /almost/ work, then shouldn’t they be able to remove someone’s role as an avatar ?
Sasha: I don’t know how we would figure out a ritual, or what we’d need to do to pull it off, but I am absolutely certain that this is the way to go . This is how we defeat Elias .
Sasha: I’ll keep brainstorming, but I just feel like we’re so close to the answer .
Martin: wait, sasha
Martin: god, i think i know how to do it
Sasha: ??
Martin: ok so i sort of ummm stole some stuff from elias’s office the other day, just like some statements and things. i figured theyd help pass the time?
Martin: but one of them was
Martin: god, i havent really let myself think about it since i read it. just. it was awful, sasha.
Martin: it started out like a normal statement about a mysterious house fire, but then it turned into this monologue elias had written, directly to jon?? as in, jon was supposed to be tricked into reading it out loud, and then wouldnt be able to stop??
Martin: it talked about having jon marked by all the entities, and how the reason all the other rituals failed was because they only tried to bring one entity through. but that was impossible, you have to work with all of them, or else there’s no point in trying.
Martin: i think if jon had read this, assuming he got marked by all the entities, the ritual would have worked. and everything would have come through. not just the dark or the stranger or the buried. all of them at once.
Sasha: Oh god .
Martin: yeah
Martin: but im thinking….maybe that’s the missing ingredient? maybe it takes all the entities together to de-avatar someone.
Sasha: So you’re saying someone would have to be marked by all the Fears to perform an un-avataring ritual ? That, or ….
Martin: or several people collectively marked by all the Fears.
Sasha: Oh .
Sasha: Oh my god .
Sasha: Martin, you are an absolute genius .
Martin: :))
Sasha: This could legitimately work .
Sasha: How many do we still need ?
Martin: well, jon has the eye and you have the web, of course. we’ve got the corruption and the buried, as well.
Sasha: Michael brought Jon into the hallways, right ? I’m sure that counts for something ? Plus, he has definitely gotten a mark from the Stranger .
Martin: i hate to say it, but at this point, tim has most likely been marked by the lonely
Sasha: Yeah . You’re probably right .
Sasha: We are going to need some serious counseling after all this .
Martin: ha! you can say that again :))
Sasha: Whoa, I just realized something ??
Sasha: Back at the ren faire, do you remember when I went into that tent and came out with a septum piercing :)
Martin: um?? obviously i remember that???
Sasha: So I didn’t want to freak you out at the time, but the whole reason I went in there was because I sort of...felt this need to ? Like I knew it would be important .
Sasha: Honestly, you should have seen the guy who did my piercing . I’m surprised I didn’t put this together sooner .
Sasha: That was definitely an avatar of the flesh . So . Another one off the list !
Martin: oh??? ok????
Martin: that’s not terrifying at all???
Sasha: Well, it’s useful !
Sasha: It seems we’ve gotten quite a few already, but we still have several to go: The Slaughter, The Dark, The Vast, The End, The Hunt, and The Desolation .
Martin: ah. so um.
Sasha: ?
Martin: well ok first of all, im fairly certain that ive been marked by the end
Martin: like, i did almost die at the waterpark. the only reason i didnt drown was that jon used his spooky eye powers, so um. by all natural means, i should be dead right now.
Sasha: Wow, I didn’t even consider that . But I think you may be right :(
Martin: also theres another. slight update in my life?
Sasha: Yes ?
Martin: it is possible that um
Martin: i am edging my way into desolation territory
Martin: by which i mean i started a fire by touching something with my bare hand
Martin: and then that something burned down
Martin: and also that something was a moderately large building?
Martin: no one was inside or anything!! to clarify!
Martin: but yes.
Sasha: ….Well, Mr. Martin Blackwood, I can honestly admit I did not see that coming .
Sasha: Strike two more off the to-do list, I suppose !
Martin: you are startlingly calm about all this, you know that?
Sasha: I am only holding somewhat together over text :) In reality, I need a hug .
Martin: well, you know where to find me! :)) id be happy to provide tea, blankets, hugs, you name it
Sasha: I actually might take you up on that .
Sasha: Thank you, Martin . I really don’t deserve you .
Sasha: God, I got so obsessed with the prospect of removing Elias from our lives, and I made all these really poor decisions that I had no right to make . And I understand why I made them, but that doesn’t justify them, not by a long shot . And I left you all alone .
Sasha: I know I have a lot to make up for, but I’ll start by saying I’m sorry . I’m so sorry .
Martin: i really appreciate that.
Martin: but truly, im just glad youre okay. i was really worried annabelle was going to do the works on you. i know you think she’s cool, or whatever, but she just seems suspicious to me. and i didnt want you to end up like her, or peter lukas, or eberson, or any of the avatars who actually enjoy causing pain and torment?
Sasha: You don’t have to worry about that . I love my friends too much to go that far !
Martin: haha im glad you have such great friends! i wonder who they are... :))
Sasha: You should definitely meet them some time ! I think you’d like them . One of them, in particular––he’s a bit stuck-up at times, but he’ll warm up to you once he gets to know you . He also used to be in a band :)
Martin: hmmm im quite interested!
Sasha: I’ll be sure to introduce you :)
Sasha: I’m leaving sometime today, but I have to get things in order first––including breaking the news to Annabelle...even though she’s probably already seen this coming?––so it might be a while. Would you mind if I came and visited you tomorrow ?
Martin: yeah, that works. maybe jon will be more lively then?
Sasha: I hope so . Let me know how he’s doing, won’t you ?
Sasha: I’ll see you tomorrow :)
Martin: see you tomorrow!
6:42 pm
Jon to Martin
Jon: [sent a video: Taken sneakily from the doorway to Martin’s bedroom, looking out. Just across the living space, with his back to the camera, Martin plays a soft, thoughtful melody on the piano, its dark lacquered wood glinting in the warm glow of lamplight. Martin’s hair is hopelessly mussed, and he’s wearing a loose t-shirt full of odd stretches and crinkles. The video lasts for about a minute before the camera dips down to a shot of the carpet as Jon retreats back into the bedroom. Faintly, he lets out a tired chuckle.]
Jon: Quite something to wake to.
Martin: um hi?? jon, you could have told me you were up!!
Jon: I really didn’t want to interrupt. It was
Jon: Well, to put it this way, I’ve been listening to near constant inhuman shrieking, rattling plastic, and calliope music for a minor eternity. So this was wonderful.
Jon: Thank you for coming to get me, by the way. I doubt I would have made it back to my flat had I been alone.
Martin: well of course, jon, i wasnt about to just leave you there??
Martin: i will always come get you. anywhere.
Martin: to be clear, that’s not permission to get taken again :))
Jon: Ha, I’ll do my best, trust me.
Martin: i’m nearly finished making dinner so i'll be along in a minute, but do you need anything in the meantime?
Martin: and before you say you don’t technically “need” anything, what i mean is, can i do anything to help?
Jon: You already have; I found the statements you left for me. That was very thoughtful.
Martin: well, i figured you’d need them after almost three weeks away, so :))
Jon: Right. That’s how long it’s been, then. Three weeks.
Jon: In any case, I’m sure taking a statement will help. So I’ll do that now.
Jon: But afterward, if you could come sit with me? I suppose I don’t “need” you to, but I would appreciate it. If that’s all right with you.
Martin: jon, you are the most ridiculous person, of course i’m going to sit with you.
Martin: this is like when you thought that the mere suggestion of going on a walk together was unprofessional.
Jon: To be fair, when I sent those texts I was most certainly intoxicated.
Martin: ok but you would have said the exact same things had you been sober.
Jon: ...Perhaps.
Martin: perhaps :))
Jon: Admittedly, a walk does sound extremely appealing, but I doubt I have the stamina for it. There’s also the matter of my appearance, which would likely be considered some sort of crime were I to go out in public.
Martin: honestly the worst of it is the smudged jonny dville makeup? it’s a bit creepy...
Jon: Right, I just looked at myself in the bathroom mirror, and I have determined that, as usual, you are being preposterously kind. These clothes are going to have to be burned. I think your bed sheets might share the same fate, unfortunately.
Jon: For everyone’s benefit, I will be taking a shower, immediately. This is legitimately of higher importance than reading a statement.
Martin: you're welcome to any of my clothes, of course. they’ll be big on you, but they’re something :’)
Jon: I just checked your closet. And while I expected a wide selection of jumpers, I did not expect quite so many.
Jon: Have you worn all of these to work before? I only recognize some of them. It’s a bit strange to see them on hangers rather than on you.
Jon: How am I supposed to choose just one? This is cruel.
Jon: Hm.
Martin: i dont trust that “hm”
Jon: Nothing to be concerned about.
Martin: i feel like im witnessing the prelude to you stealing all my jumpers.
Jon: You aren’t. That’s not what’s happening.
Martin: oh isnt it?
Jon: No.
Martin: ah, i see. i’ll revise my previous claim: i feel like im witnessing the prelude to you stealing *some* of my jumpers.
Jon: Interesting theory.
Martin: dont expect to get away with this!
Jon: We’ll see about that. :-)
Personal Note - Saturday, May 22 - 11:01 pm
This will be my final entry, I guess. With Jon safe, and Sasha coming back, I’m not quite so alone anymore, which means there’s no real reason to keep doing these. I don’t even have to write this one, I suppose? But I will. For closure. And so that I can think through a few things that I don’t quite know how to process.
The most obvious thing to mention is that there have been…side effects? Of getting closer to the desolation? Which should be obvious. I’m not accidentally setting things on fire or anything, thankfully. But earlier today in my note, I mentioned bringing Jon back to my flat, and in the cab he was saying something about feeling too warm? Well. He hasn’t got a fever. Or, I guess, not in the technical sense…? I’m the fever, is what I’m trying to say. After his shower, Jon met me in the kitchen. And I went to give him a hug, obviously, but he flinched back. And, god, for a second there, I thought it was just. I don’t know. I thought I must have done something. Overstepped. But actually, as Jon explained it (through extreme confusion), I am currently operating at a higher temperature than should be possible for a human body to maintain? Which is certainly weird. Especially since I had no idea! If anyone else told me that I feel like a stovetop that hasn’t properly cooled off, I would’ve assumed they were joking. But this wasn’t anyone else. This was Jon. And, reasonably, he was worried.
So I told him what happened last night. I told him about the past few weeks. To be honest, I was a bit nervous that he’d look down on me for it. For not being strong enough to resist the spookiness, I guess. But he just gave me this sad smile and said he didn’t blame me, and he was sorry. Even though he had nothing to be sorry for. At this point, I could see him getting upset, so we sat on the couch for a while and talked.
For selfish reasons, I’m not going to write down what he told me about what happened to him. Selfish because I simply don’t want to think about it anymore. Everything he described was just awful. It all makes me so, so angry, and if I’m afraid that if I give it much more thought, I’ll be seriously tempted to hunt down the Stranger by myself. Which won’t end well, probably. I do hope I run into Nikola at some point in the future, though. I hope she’s flammable.
Anyway. Jon and I figured out an arrangement of sorts? I can hug him if he’s got an extra layer around him, so now we’re both lying in the bed, and he’s got this blanket around him, plus he’s wearing one of my shirts, and it’s painfully adorable. Thank god he’s asleep, because I am grinning like an absolute idiot.
There was this moment earlier, a bit after he drifted off, where he started shivering. Not like he was cold. Like being so terrified that you can’t physically keep yourself still. Shivering from fear. And I really didn’t want to wake him up, since he’s already sleep-deprived, so I sort of wrapped the blanket around him and held him closer. Rested my forehead against his shoulder.
And he relaxed. Not only that, but when I looked up, I saw the fear fade from his face. His breathing leveled out. And he smiled. Even though he was fast asleep.
Maybe I’m getting ahead of myself. But after everything we’ve been through, after all the near misses and the pain and the horror and the doubts about whether or not we were going to make it out alive, I owe it to myself to be honest. So I’ll just say it.
I think I’m falling in love with him.
11:32 pm
Tim to Sasha
Tim: hey can i talk to you
Tim: i know it’s sort of late
Tim: im just a bit disoriented,,and things feel weird
Tim: feels all floaty
Sasha: Tim ? What happened ? Are you okay ?
Tim: i dont know. i tried to fix myself
Tim: but i think i just broke myself worse
Tim: i think i get it now, actually. the truth of the matter.
Tim: im unfixable, sasha.
Tim: utterly and completely unfixable.
Sasha: That’s not true .
Tim: idk i think it’s pretty true,,,ive got a lot of broken pieces
Sasha: If I call you right now, will you pick up ?
Tim: hmmmmm
Tim: i guess there’s only one way to find out ;)
-Incoming Voice Call from Sasha-
Chapter End Notes
i swear i dont actually enjoy doing cliff-hangers, yet i keep doing them anyway? and i am mad at me for it.
shoutout to my friend Will, who, when i excitedly told him about lonely!tim, way back before those chapters were even written, responded with "okay but. desolation!martin". And here we are.
you know how ive been torturing tim for like half this fic? and i keep saying i'll give him comfort eventually? well 'eventually' is next chapter. the whole chapter. because y'all deserve a whole chapter of tim getting the healing that he needs.
Kudos are always appreciated, and comments are always read, responded to, and, like I said last chapter, used as a continual coping mechanism for the events of the TMA finale.
You can chat with me @starryknightart on insta <3
reaching out
Chapter Summary
Tim and Sasha talk.
Chapter Notes
And now, the moment you have all been waiting for.....Tim has good things happen to him.
(Also - CW for descriptions of dissociation.)
See the end of the chapter for more notes
Saturday, 11:35 pm
-Voice Call between Sasha and Tim-
[When Tim picks up, the distant hush of cars comes through, along with the idle chirping of nocturnal insects. Sasha’s line is quiet aside from the background whirring of a ceiling fan. Slight crackling distorts the connection.
Sasha, panicked: Tim, where are you? What happened?
Tim: Um. What?
Sasha: Are you okay?
Tim, disoriented: I think––Yeah, maybe. Yeah.
Sasha: Can you tell me what happened?
Tim: I…I mean, it’s… [He makes a small noise of frustration; the crackling grows louder.] Sorry, my thoughts won’t––They don’t line up right.
Sasha: They don’t…?
Tim: If you could talk for a bit, I think it might help. I’m just…everywhere right now.
Sasha, still panicking, trying not to let it show: Oh. Of course! Uh, well, I had a nice chat with Martin today. He seemed to be doing…fairly well, considering everything? But…as for nice things, I’m officially back in my flat. And I did some tidying up, so now everything feels neat and clean, which is a relief. And I lit some candles that make the place smell like pine sap and cinnamon. You should…I mean, I’d like you to come over and, um…see it all. Or just be here. [She holds her breath for a moment; the crackling lessens.] Am I helping at all, or am I just prattling on?
Tim: You’re helping, you definitely are. Sorry, it’s just…weird to concentrate.
Sasha: Can you tell me where you are? Or just what you see?
Tim: Uh. [A pause in which we just hear his breathing and the sounds of distant cars and crickets.] Wow, I legit have no idea. [He laughs.] Where the hell am I?
Sasha, much less amused by this than Tim: What do you see then?
Tim: I’m out in the middle of this hilly area? Some sort of park, maybe. Like––there’s a river. That seems like a park thing to have. Although, I could conceivably be on private property, so that might not be great, but I kind of doubt it because the closest buildings are a bit of walk from here. They look really old. I bet they’re haunted. We’ve probably had a statement giver experience something spooky there.
Sasha: Where exactly is ‘there’?
Tim: Well, I’m assuming I’m still in Canterbury?
Sasha, equally exasperated and concerned: Timothy Stoker, what could you possibly be doing in Canterbury right now? It’s almost midnight.
Tim, smirking: Oh, damn. Time flies when you’re checked out of reality, can I get a––
Sasha: I’m not giving you a “Hell yeah” until you stop deflecting.
Tim: Right. [Pause; the wind picks up.] I was trying to fix me.
Sasha, softly: What does that mean?
Tim, serious, but too tired for venom: Shouldn’t you know? Don’t you have a hand in whatever I do?
Sasha: No, it’s…I’m trying to stop looking. I knew you might do something, but I've done my best to keep that information in the periphery. Because it’s your own business, and even though I love you and I want to protect you from everything that could possibly happen, I know how much I upset you before. And I never want to hurt you like that again. Ever. Okay?
Tim, hushed: Yeah. Okay.
Sasha: So. [She takes a deep breath.] You’re in Canterbury.
Tim: I am.
Sasha: Where the ren faire is.
Tim, his voice edged with nervousness: Um…yeah, I guess.
Sasha: I’m going to call you back, all right? Stay where you are.
Tim: Oh. Uh, right then. What are you––?]
-Voice Call ended-
Sunday, 12:05 am
-Incoming Voice Call from Sasha-
[This time, when Tim picks up, a low rumble comes through on Sasha’s line.
Sasha: Right, I’m situated. You were saying?
Tim: Where are you right now?
Sasha, innocently: On a train.
Tim: On a train? Sash––
Sasha: Maybe I just happen to want to take a midnight stroll around Canterbury, is that illegal?
Tim: Oh, very. Only a select few, such as myself, can even enter Canterbury after 10 pm, and you, Miss James, are not one of them.
Sasha: Tell that to the operator of this train, who clearly has no qualms with taking me there. Besides, what do you do that’s so special, so selective , after 10 pm?
Tim: Psh, you know. Cool, secret stuff. [He hesitates.] Tossing ourselves into the Vast, stuff like that.
Sasha: I’m sorry, what?
Tim: Okay, okay, I know that sounds batshit but listen––
Sasha: Tim, what were you thinking!
Tim: I’m trying to tell you!
Sasha: Okay! Okay, right, okay. [Huffs out a shaky breath.] I’m listening.
Tim: Just…it makes sense when you think about it, you know? You get caught up in the Buried, and the only reason you escape is that an artefact influenced by the Vast made it lose its grip on you. And then later, you’re still claustrophobic all the time and you hate it, you absolutely fucking hate it, and you say it’s getting better but, let’s be honest? It’s not. It’s really not. But…you need it to get better. And, uh. And then you remember that there’s this Vast domain nearby.
Sasha inhales, realizing. But says nothing.
Tim: So you just. You wait until the ren faire is closing and you convince the operators to let you go for a spin on the zip line, just this once. For a good cause, right? And you’re sure it’ll work. Like, why wouldn’t it? It should counteract the effects of the Buried. It… makes sense .
Sasha, carefully: But I’m guessing things didn’t work out that way.
Tim: No. [He lets out a sharp laugh.] They really didn’t. Now it feels like the Buried and the Vast are fighting a duel in my brain. It’s tight and floaty at the same time. Like I’m trapped in this box, with my arms and legs pinned, but also someone decided to throw my box off a cliff, so I’m constantly in blind freefall. But then . [He laughs again.] The Lonely decided to do a collab with the other two, because if I’m so checked out that I can’t tell what’s going on, I can’t reach out to anyone, can I? I can’t call Miss Sasha James and tell her I messed up. Even later after wandering around––for hours , apparently––when I got to be more aware of my surroundings, the mere thought of calling you hit me with so much shame. Like, this is something I got myself into, I shouldn’t be burdening you with it. That would be selfish. And anyway, I’ve already gone and pushed you away. You and everyone. So I deserved to deal with this alone.
Sasha: But you texted me, despite all that. [With pride, and a bit of awe:] You fought back, and won. Against eldritch beings, Tim!
Tim: I mean…I can’t take all the credit. You were the only concrete thing I could think of. You anchored me to what was real. [Pause.] You know what I’ve realized throughout all this? I don’t even think I’m scared anymore. Or at least, I don’t think it’s fear. Because when I, um. [His voice breaking:] When I imagine myself back in that slide, it’s like…visualizing it doesn’t change anything for me. It just feels like…
Sasha, softly: Like what?
Tim: Like I’m still there. [Struggling to speak:] I––I’m just used to it now. God, sorry.
Sasha: No, don’t––It’s okay.
Tim: I dial you up and I’m a crying mess. Is this not the least sexy thing?
Sasha snorts, taken completely off guard, and Tim releases a wobbly laugh.
Sasha, audibly smiling: Are you trying to be sexy right now?
Tim, the wink obvious in his voice: Always.
Sasha, mischievously: Oh, I thought you said it was effortless.
Tim, sniffling: Damn, you got me. My biggest secret is revealed: I have to work to be this suave.
Sasha: I should have known.
Tim: To be fair, I’m pretty good at hiding it.
There is a comfortable lull in the conversation where both Sasha and Tim just snicker under their breath.
Sasha, sobering: Speaking of secrets. Um.
Tim: Sash, you already said you’re trying to be better, it’s fine––
Sasha: No, this is more specific, and I need you to hear this.
Tim: Okay. Sure. Listening intently.
Sasha: You wanted to know why I told Martin that you used to fancy Jon. And I never really gave you an answer. Because it’s just. [She laughs, not out of humor.] I can’t even think about it without feeling sick. Not even the act of exposing your secret––the reason behind it. It’s not even something I can blame on the Web, it was just me being atrocious.
Tim, lightly: Hey, you’re keeping me in suspense over here. [More serious:] Look, if you think I’m going to start hating you after you tell me this, you’re wrong. I could never hate you. I might get angry or annoyed or whatever, but that’s different. Okay? Sasha Pyjama?
Sasha: Okay. [With a shaky exhale.] Thanks.
Tim: Anytime.
Sasha: So. The reason I did that––I know I just said I’m not blaming the Web, and I’m not, truly. But it did show me a different way of seeing things. I’ve always…kept my thoughts close to me. I don’t share them with just anyone, and when I do, especially when I’m at work, I’m careful to say them in exactly the right way. Because if I come off as too naive or pretentious or what have you, that could come back to bite me. The consequences were always mine to deal with, and that’s a weight I carried for years . But then the Web happened. And I started to know about how things would turn out. I could suddenly change things to be how I wanted them to be, and that control was…was blissful. It was stable. And terrifying, of course, but it let me let go of a lot of anxieties I was carrying.
Tim: You’re making it sound like a spa.
Sasha: It was certainly not a spa. Although, I did wonder why the Web would take to me so easily if it had the opposite effect than Fears usually seem to have. But I guess I was sort of…unintentionally spreading havoc? I mean, with you and Martin and Jon. Anyway. I’m getting off-topic. When I told your secret, it was because I. Um. [She takes a deep breath.] For the first time, I knew I could say something, and––and it would hurt someone that wasn’t me.
A moment of tense silence.
Sasha: I didn’t think it would affect you as much as it did. I just thought it would be…something. I don’t know. Something you’d be miffed about for a few hours. But even if it didn’t bother you at all, it still would have been wrong of me. And I still would have been sorry. So. I’m sorry, Tim. I hate that I did it.
Tim, tentatively: I can…understand where you were coming from. I, for one, also hate that you did it, but you sort of knew that already.
Sasha: Yes, I definitely do.
Tim: For the record, that’s not nearly as bad a reason as I was expecting. I thought you were about to go all villain-origin-story on me, but what you actually did was admit that you’re a normal human being.
Sasha, after a beat: Oh. I guess…Yeah. Perhaps I've been overthinking this.
Tim: Totally out of character for you.
Sasha, audibly grinning: Oh, be quiet.
Tim: I’ve never seen you overthink one single thing, ever, ever . This is a total, complete surprise to me.
Sasha: Keep talking like this and I’ll challenge you to another fencing match. Although, I doubt it will be much of a challenge for me, considering what happened last time.
Tim: Hey! That was a fluke. You know what? You’re on. Once my brain stops telling me I’m a thousand kilometers in the air, it’s over for you.
Sasha: …It’s still that bad?
Tim: No, it's a bit better. You’ve helped a lot. Talking is…quite the luxury after two weeks of Peter Lukas.
Sasha: Ugh. I can imagine.
Tim: The only interesting thing he told me was that Martin has been burning little bits of paper in the archives, which would have ab-so-lutely made my day if Peter didn’t threaten to take “drastic action” if I didn’t stop it. In any other situation, I would have been a full-on supporter of Martin fulfilling his arsonist dreams, so it hurts that I told him to cut it out.
Sasha, chuckling: Oh, I don’t think he listened to you.
Tim: That laugh was super sus, Miss James. Spill the tea.
Sasha, smug: I think I’ll let Martin tell you himself. It’s his secret, after all.
Tim: Okay, I’m all for learning lessons and growing as people, but come on , this is just cruel! You’re leaving me hanging! Haven’t I suffered enough?
Sasha, ignoring his melodramatics: At the very least, I can update you on other things. Such as the fact that Jon is safely away from Nikola. I believe he’s staying with Martin currently, and he seems to be doing okay.
Tim: That’s…That’s good. Really, really good. God, I’m glad Martin’s there to take care of him. I don’t know what sort of help I’d be right now. I can barely… [He trails off.]
Sasha: I’m going to visit them tomorrow if you’d like to come along? I’m sure they’d be thrilled to see you.
Tim: I don’t know. I don’t… [His voice suddenly distant; the connection starts to crackle.] I don’t think they'd want me.
Sasha: Hey––
Tim, oddly monotone: I mean, I left them. I shouldn’t be forgiven for that. It doesn’t matter why I did it.
Sasha: That’s not true, we are here for you. We care about you.
Tim: No. It’s not the same. It’s not the same way I feel.
Sasha: What do you…?
Tim: I think… [The crackling intensifies, distorting Tim’s words.] I’m just doomed to––fall for people who won’t ever––look at me the way I look at them. And it’s––my own fault. I make––too many mistakes––
Sasha: Tim, the connection is breaking up, please listen to me.
Tim, his voice barely audible above the crackling: ––sorry I––dragged you into––I’ll just––
Sasha: Tim , don’t –– ]
-Voice Call disconnected-
12:28 am
3 Missed Calls from Sasha to Tim
12:56 am
-Incoming Voice Call from Tim-
[When Sasha picks up, the connection is mostly clear, but a hint of crackling remains.
Sasha: Are you okay?
Tim: Sort of embarrassed but yeah, I’m good. Got ahold of myself.
Sasha: You know you deserve to have people care about you, right? Just because you aren’t perfect, that doesn’t mean you can’t be loved.
Tim: I––I mean, that’s… [The crackling swells.] It’s different when your imperfections get someone kidnapped. It’s different when––
Sasha, positively at the end of her rope: Can you please tell the Lonely to shove off?
Within moments, the crackling dips down into nothing.
Tim, in awe: I think you just scared it away.
Sasha: Well. If the Fears can be afraid of anything, it should be me.
Tim: Amen to that.
Sasha, steamrolling ahead: And can I just say, what the hell makes you think that your feelings are unreciprocated? Have you asked any of us?
Tim: I––
Sasha: No, you haven’t. You just assumed the worst, because you’re Timothy Stoker, and even though you act bubbly and unconcerned on the outside, when it comes to your own happiness, you’re a complete and utter pessimist. So go ahead.
Tim:…With what?
Sasha: Ask me.
Tim: Oh.
Sasha: I’m serious.
Tim: Right… [Anxiously:] Um. Do you… [He sighs.] I don’t want to force this stuff on you.
Sasha, more gently: You’re not. I promise. [A thoughtful pause.] Tim. How do you feel about me?
Tim, with a small laugh: Flipping the script, huh? I think you already know. You’re my favourite person.
Sasha: And Martin and Jon?
Tim: They’re my…um… [Somewhat guiltily:] They’re also…my favourite people? It’s different , how I feel about them. But it’s not any less; in a perfect world––one where I’m not so worried about messing everything up––I’d get to be around all three of you all the time. Not at work, just in general. We’d be there for each other. And you’d all probably get so sick of me within like a day. But it would be great. I’d fucking love that.
Sasha: Then come with me tomorrow. Talk to them.
Tim: I’ll… [At first hesitant, then resigned.] Yeah. Okay.
Sasha: Okay?
Tim: I’ll come. But you’re going to have to call me when it’s time to go because once I get back to my flat, I’ll be dead to the world for twelve hours minimum.
Sasha: Oh, you’re not going back to your flat today.
Tim: …What?
Sasha: This is the last train of the night. I booked us a room in Canterbury.
Tim: Did you really?
Sasha: There weren’t a ton of rooms available, so we’ve got a single bed, but there’s probably a chair that goes back––
Tim: You are not sleeping in a chair.
Sasha: I’d sooner sleep on the floor than have a repeat of the night after the water park. You know I’m like a heat-seeking missile when I sleep, I’ll be all over you.
Tim, quietly: The thing is, I sort of need that right now.
Sasha: But I thought the claustrophobia wasn’t going away?
Tim: I know it’s…complicated. I’ve said a lot of nonsense because I thought it would make you happy, even if it wasn’t true. Truthfully, I haven’t been able to shake off the Buried like I hoped. But I also haven’t seen you or anyone for basically three weeks, and now with the Vast and the Lonely, and–– [He makes an annoyed noise.] Fuck it. I don’t know how to explain this. Please just come hug me.
Sasha, laughing: It would be my pleasure. Are you far from the Glenwood Inn?
Tim: Checking the GPS, and…Nah, I can be there in fifteen.
Sasha: My train should be arriving fairly soon. I’ll meet you there?
Tim: Sure.
Sasha: …You know you’re my favourite person, as well?
Tim: I was sort of hoping so.
Sasha: Well, you are. Don’t ever doubt that. Or else!
Tim: Under threat of whatever terrifying threat “or else” signifies, I swear I won’t! [Quieter, more sincerely:] I won’t.]
-Voice Call ended-
Chapter End Notes
hellooo I wrote most of this in like 24 hours so I'm dead, no coherent thoughts left in my brain, but I really hope you enjoyed this one! It's not super super fluffy but I tried to go heavy on the healing/comfort aspect of it. There will be legit fluff in the chapters to come <3
Kudos are always appreciated, and comments are always read, responded to, and archived directly into my soul.
You can chat with me @starryknightart on insta <3
the beginning of the end
Chapter Summary
Tim and Sasha come back.
Chapter Notes
See the end of the chapter for notes
Sunday, 9:29 am
Sasha to Martin
Sasha: Assuming you’re still all right with me coming over today, would this afternoon work ?
Martin: yep! :)) any snacks i should get?
Sasha: Whatever you think would be good, I trust your judgement <3
Martin: aw haha
Sasha: Also some news...Tim will be coming as well .
Martin: really?? :0
Martin: he finally talked to you then?
Sasha: A bit more than that, honestly . I’ll tell you in person, it’s too much to text .
Sasha: But he’s doing better now . A lot better .
Sasha: [sent a photo: Taken from the other side of a single bed. Tim is sprawled with the sugar blue comforter bunched around him, his sleeping face partly buried in the crook of his elbow, his multicoloured hair mussed, one knee jackknifing up toward his chest. His fingers are delicately intertwined with Sasha’s.]
Sasha: We’re currently staying at an inn in Canterbury (explanations later), and we’ll be taking the train back whenever Tim wakes up .
Martin: im really glad to see he’s okay :’) and to know that he’s in good hands.
Martin: ive really missed him. i’ve missed both of you so much.
Martin: thank god jon is here, i think id be going mad about now if i was still on my own.
Sasha: How is Jon, by the way ? I’m not going to assume he’s completely all right - it hasn’t even been 48 hours since he got away from Nikola, after all - but I guess I’m trying to be optimistic ?
Martin: yeah, like I said yesterday, he’s doing pretty well, considering. but i dont know if it’ll last.
Martin: sometimes stuff like this gets worse it gets better, you know?
Martin: like after the water park, i was sort of in shock for a bit. i didnt /feel/ a whole lot. i was just numb. but after i had some time to sit with it, once i really understood what happened, it was like. i dunno. like hitting a nerve. the claustrophobia spiked. the phantom pressure of the water came back.
Sasha: Yeah . That’s what it was like for me, too . I mean, I think you were more numb than I was at the very beginning . But once I fully processed how terrifying of a situation we had lived through, the fear got...sharper .
Martin: im assuming that’s the same thing that will happen to jon, so im just. waiting for it to hit.
Martin: i want to be there for him when his brain catches up. i want to do anything i can to make it slightly more bearable.
Sasha: He’s really lucky to have someone like you, Martin .
Sasha: Please tell me if I can do anything to help ? I owe him . I owe you, too . So don’t hesitate to ask for a favour, or several !
Sasha: And before I forget, I want to run something by you...for our devious plans .
Martin: oh? do tell :))
Sasha: I think it would be wise to give Elias his email account back . In accompaniment with...an “apology” message . So that he comes back to the Institute . Once he’s back, we can carry out our plans >:)
Sasha: Do I have your approval ?
Martin: yes, but shouldnt we wait until we have the rest of the entity marks ?
Sasha: ...I have a theory that doing this right now will work out for us .
Martin: like a. normal theory or a spider theory
Sasha: A...spider theory...
Sasha: I know it’s not ideal and I’m trying to rely on it less but I can’t turn it off and on, sometimes I just see how things will go . And have a good feeling about this one, I really do !
Sasha: Still, if you don’t want to do it, we won’t . I’ll understand .
Martin: sasha, if you truly think this is a good idea, then we should do it. i dont mind if the Web talks to you sometimes, just like i don’t mind when the Eye tells jon things . it’s not something either of you can really control? so it’s not like i blame you. in fact, there’s nothing to blame.
Martin: besides, by going all anti-elias, you’re objectively using it in the best possible way :))
Sasha: Haha, well, you got me there ! Thanks .
Sasha: I’ll let you know once I send Elias’s I’m-sorry-we-took-your-email-o-powerful-one message .
Martin: omg please do
10:22 am
To: [emailprotected]
From: [emailprotected]
Subject: We’re sorry
Elias,
Jon, Martin, Tim, and I would like to sincerely apologize for everything. You must understand that after you displayed your vast and incomprehensible powers, we were terrified of what might happen to us if we didn’t have any leverage against you. So we did what we could. We lashed out.
But ever since you have been away, we have gradually come to our senses, and are now begging you to come back. Peter Lukas is not suitable as your replacement; practically nothing has gotten done. Jon, who is safely out of Nikola’s grasp, would like nothing better than to get back to work, but he won’t in good conscience be able to return to peak productivity without you there to oversee the Archives. None of us will.
So I’m asking, once again––please come back. It’s not the same here. Not without the rightful head of the Magnus Institute.
Very sincerely,
Sasha James, Martin Blackwood, Timothy Stoker, and Jonathan Sims
10:25 am
Sasha to Martin
Sasha: I’m nauseous but it’s done . Check Elias’s email before he locks us out again .
Martin: you are so strong to have written this. i wouldnt have managed it.
Martin: the subtle ego boosts are um. a nice touch?
Sasha: Thanks ! I’m Disgusted .
Sasha: Until Tim decides to regain consciousness, I’m going to lie down and make a concerted effort to mentally block out what I just created . Farewell .
Martin: ah….good luck with that.
1:42 pm
“ren faire thots”
Witchhunter added Tim to the group
Tim: what’s up gamers
Elf!Martin: tim!! :))
Tim: marto!!!
Tim: ok first off im so sorry about telling you not to do arson in the archives,, you’re a genius and i want you to know i was just worried??? about you being thrown into the Lonely??????
Tim: but sasha told me,, Very cryptically, (??) that you did not listen to me at all, which i am extremely happy about
Tim: but also please,,,,,,details
Tim: to repeat - she said this Very cryptically
Tim: so i know theres more
Tim: i know theres secret hidden information that’s hidden in your brain, secretly
Ay ay first mate~: It doesn’t seem like much of a secret to me.
Tim: stfu all-seeing eye man
Tim: but also jon i fucking missed you
Tim: you’re not allowed to get taken again, im serious. ive made it illegal just now
Ay ay first mate~: Abduction is already illegal, but I appreciate the sentiment.
Tim changed Ay ay first mate~ ’s name to Illegally snatched
Illegally snatched: Once again, thank goodness you clarified the lack of legality.
Tim: is it just me or has the bossman gotten 50309x snarkier
Illegally snatched: It’s a perk of spending three weeks in a basement.
Tim: is that a snapple fact
Elf!Martin: that would be sort of a concerning thing to use as a snapple fact?
Tim: hm. i refuse to agree
Tim: marto what did you set on fire
Tim: youve been typing for like 2 minutes what the hell did you do
Elf!Martin: hang on jon has an idea
Tim: o k a y
Illegally snatched: [sent a video: Martin leans against the kitchen counter, holding a kettle with both hands, eyeing it distractedly. After a few seconds, he looks past the camera at Jon.
Martin: I’m not sure this will actually work? I mean, I just don’t know if the temperature is––is enough for––
Jon: Martin, you burned down a––
Martin: Yeah, well, in my defense, I was in a different headspace? And I was not exactly having the time of my life at that point.
Jon: But you are now?
Martin, flushing red: Um.
Jon, audibly smirking: If you had control before, then just try to recreate it. Think about what it was like.
Martin: Right. Yeah. [He readjusts his grip and squints at the kettle.] Focusing.
Martin’s expression darkens. After a few seconds, the kettle begins to rattle and whistle, steam shooting out of its spout. Martin blinks back to the present and flinches, practically dropping the kettle, but manages instead to maneuver it over to the stove. The skin on his palms has taken on a noticeable white-hot tinge. He knits his fingers together, chewing his lip as he examines the kettle. Then he blinks over at Jon.
Martin: Tea? [Jon laughs under his breath––a smile draws up the corners of Martin’s mouth.] Well, I’m just saying. ]
Witchhunter: Tim’s thoughts are visibly going 1000 kmh right now and it’s incredibly entertaining .
Witchhunter: [sent a photo: In a train car, sitting cross-legged on the seat opposite Sasha, Tim stares open-mouthed at his phone as though he’s watching his dreams come true right in front of him. He looks tired and slightly disoriented, but genuinely overjoyed. With his head tilted forward, it is easy to see the pure white tinge to the roots of his hair, various sections of his eyebrows, and his outermost eyelashes.]
Tim: i
Elf!Martin: all right, tim?
Tim: i already have so many thots. so many plans
Elf!Martin: oh no
Tim changed Elf!Martin ’s name to Can grill chees with hands
Witchhunter: Hm .
Illegally snatched: Hm.
Can grill chees with hands: the typo somehow makes it worse
Tim: hi this is harassment
Tim: marto what exactly did you burn down, jon didnt say in the vid
Can grill chees with hands: um a house
Tim: a h ou se
Can grill chees with hands: nobody was living there it’s fine!!
Tim: yo u burne d down a hOU S E
Witchhunter: For therapy reasons .
Can grill chees with hands: ^
Witchhunter: Martin, you have about an hour to prepare for Tim’s in-person interrogation .
Can grill chees with hands: good to know!
Tim: i have,,,so many questions
Tim: but i shall refrain
Tim: for now ;)
Tim: wait if i hug you will i become a fiery inferno
Witchhunter: This is actually important because Tim currently feels like an ice cube .
Tim: thanks it’s because i exfoliate
Tim: ~eau de Lonely~
Can grill chees with hands: i would say i could just put on a blanket? but now im not sure i want to risk it…
Tim: oh i def want to risk it
Witchhunter: I’m picturing that one scene in The Santa Claus 3 -
Tim: lmaoo nooooo not sasha back at it simping for jack frost
Witchhunter: Tim I will kill you <3
Tim: i want you both to know that she said that out loud, in real time, as she was typing it
Witchhunter: In the movie, Scott’s niece gives Jack Frost a big, warm hug and literally melts his frozen heart . It's relevant !
Tim: we’ve found it boys,,,the way to defeat the Lonely is through marto’s hugs
Illegally snatched: I wouldn’t be surprised :-)
Tim: picturing what martins expression is rn
Tim: im fkcuing wheeznig
Tim: martin are you still alive
Can grill chees with hands: um no, nope. im not.
Witchhunter: Wait, if Martin hugged Peter Lukas do you think he’d melt like the Wicked Witch of the West ?
Can grill chees with hands: honestly id sort of rather let him go on terrorizing people :’)
Witchhunter: Omg .
Tim: SDFGLKSD
Tim: actually you know what?? having worked with him,,,,i totally get that
Tim: can you imagine hugging elias
Can grill chees with hands: i can but do i want to? not really!
Can grill chees with hands: however if it would effectively kill him then id consider it
Tim: haha,,,,,unless ;)
Can grill chees with hands: sasha and i actually have the basis of a pretty solid plan to get rid of him forever….
Can grill chees with hands: (it does not involve me hugging him, thankfully)
Witchhunter: We’ll go over it once we’re all together !
Tim: fuk im excited
Can grill chees with hands: you should be :))
4:49 pm
Annabelle to Sasha
Annabelle: I would ask how you are, but I’m fairly certain I already know the answer.
Annabelle: Things are finally going your way, aren’t they? You’ve worked hard for this, so it probably feels like a success. You should celebrate. Jonah isn’t dead yet, but maybe he will be soon, because of you. That’s an impressive accomplishment, Sasha.
Annabelle: Also, I know you’ve decided to push back against the Mother of Puppets, but if you do decide to come back, she would accept you. Most people don’t see things the way you do, and that’s a weighty loss for us.
Annabelle: For me, too. I got used to having someone around ::::)
Annabelle: As a gift, here’s one last piece of advice. If you want to take down Jonah, you need to consider things differently.
Annabelle: To be as blunt as I am able: you can’t kill him together. If all four of you are there when it happens, you will fail. At least one of you must go.
Annabelle: I’d wish you good luck, but luck has no part in this.
Annabelle: It’s all you.
9:36 pm
“ren faire thots”
Can grill chees with hands: are you two back home safely?
Witchhunter: Yes !
Can grill chees with hands: tim?
Tim: yep, im staying with miss pyjamas
Can grill chees with hands: oh ok :)) probably for the best after being isolated for so long.
Tim: honestly tho
Tim: cant wait to be the worst Lonely PA in the world tomorrow ;))))
Illegally snatched: Without having the faintest idea what you have planned, I’m going to assume Peter Lukas will soon regret ever showing up at this godforsaken institute.
Tim: oh he’s going to regret a lot of things, trust me
Witchhunter: Aside from the fact that this is going to be very enjoyable to watch, it might help spur Peter to leave, which means Elias will come back, which means we can put our plans into motion .
Illegally snatched: Very clever plans, might I add. You and Martin outdid yourselves.
Illegally snatched: This ritual might actually work.
Tim: martin has to write the ritual itself though,, he’s the resident Poet
Can grill chees with hands: oh! um ok, i can try.
Tim: just go wild with it, make it spooky and fun, like the monster mash
Can grill chees with hands: if we killed elias by reciting something reminiscent of the monster mash, i think the pure absurdity of it would cause the rest of my life to become dull in comparison.
Tim: but it would be hilarious
Can grill chees with hands: it would be pretty amusing. outside of the fact that we’re literally murdering somebody
Witchhunter: Elias doesn’t count as a person because he doesn’t have any humanity left .
Tim: dlkfjjshit oK
Illegally snatched: It’s true, he’s more like a pest.
Witchhunter: Like a cockroach, on account of him surviving so long .
Illegally snatched: I wouldn’t even give him that much credit. Cockroaches survive because they were built to survive. Elias stole other people’s livelihoods to do it.
Witchhunter: Very true . He’s more like a parasite . A leech .
Tim: im feeling the second-hand heat of such savagery, wbu marto
Can grill chees with hands: despite being somewhat immune to heat at the moment, yes.
Witchhunter: Well, I’m only saying the truth !
Can grill chees with hands changed Witchhunter ’s name to Eliassassin
Eliassassin: I’m proud to have earned this nickname .
Tim: eli ass
Eliassassin: Do Not .
Tim: Do Not What ;)
Tim: the Look she just gave me,, chills
Tim: we’re in the same room rn so im about to be eliass assassin’s first victim ;( mourn me well friends
Can grill chees with hands: oh no...RIP
Illegally snatched: I’d like to say a few words, if I may.
Eliassassin: Please do . It might help the grief .
Tim: lkfjsdkljg
Illegally snatched: Tim Stoker was very loud, hopelessly energetic, and at times obnoxious.
Tim: but?
Illegally snatched: Aren’t you supposed to be dead?
Tim: sorry shutting up now ;)
Illegally snatched: Well. That’s all I had to say.
Tim: r u d e
Tim: you couldve at least mentioned how sexy i looked in that witch costume ;(
Illegally snatched: Slight addition: he knew how to wear a translucent shirt.
Tim: wow
Illegally snatched: He was also one of the most thoughtful, empathetic, and uplifting people I have ever met.
Illegally snatched: And I believe I speak for everyone gathered here when I say what a shame it is that Tim only saw the mistakes that he made, and never the happiness he brought.
Eliassassin: At this point, I throw open the casket with a flourish, revealing that Tim was actually alive this whole time !
Illegally snatched: You mean to say I prepared this speech for no reason?
Can grill chees with hands: not to be That person but you definitely just improvised that. so um.
Illegally snatched: Fine. I’m off to a funeral where my time and speech-planning skills will be respected.
Can grill chees with hands: drama queen
Can grill chees with hands: tim, you still there?
Tim: yeah sorry just,, processing
Tim: i think i needed to hear that actually
Tim: i think i really really needed to hear that
Tim: even though it was low-key through a rp of my death which im not totally sure how to unpack lmaoo
Tim: also,,,i know im not back to 100% but seeing you guys today, just being in the same room with you,, it was like a dream. it helped more than i can say. so thank you. seriously.
Can grill chees with hands: honestly, it helped me too.
Eliassassin: Same here .
Illegally snatched: Me as well. Although, unlike the rest of you, I wasn’t technically alone these past three weeks, seeing the three of you today was more of a relief than I expected it to be. I think, in some part of my subconscious, I assumed I wouldn’t survive Nikola. That perhaps I’d never see any of you again.
Illegally snatched: But we’re all here. We’re alive and safe. And I’m so grateful for that.
Tim: what the hell dont make me tear up!!
Illegally snatched: That’s what you’re supposed to do when you’re giving speeches at funerals, is it not?
Can grill chees with hands: wait whose funeral are we at now?? :0
Illegally snatched: Oh, Elias’s.
Tim: SCREAMING
Can grill chees with hands: omg a pre-funeral! how fun :))
Eliassassin renamed the group “jonah’s personal funeral planners”
Tim: wow, like
Tim: this is really it guys,,,,
Tim: the beginning of the end
Tim: elias’s end but. also the end of us working at the institute. the end of us being coworkers
Tim: and i know we’ll still be friends obviously but idk,, there’s some bittersweetness about it
Illegally snatched: I understand. Things will be different, and it’ll take some getting used to.
Illegally snatched: However, it’s for the best.
Illegally snatched: Partly because it will allow me to avoid the nuisance that is workplace relationship forms.
Can grill chees with hands: omg :’)
Eliassassin: I….fair enough .
Tim: fair enough ;))
Tim to Martin
Tim: yooo marto
Tim: i want to check that somethings cool with you
Tim: i was about to reboot the trio gc,,, but then i realized
Tim: do we really need it?
Tim: i mean, the whole reason we had it in the first place was bc jon wasnt part of the squad,,,but now he is, and it’s like
Tim: the four of us are a package deal. it’s all or nothin bby ;))
Tim: soooo thots?
Martin: i think that makes sense. especially since, assuming everything goes according to plan, we won’t be the three assistants for much longer.
Martin: so yeah, we don’t really need it :))
Tim: cool ;) glad you agree
Tim: also uh
Tim: actually nevermind
Martin: ?
Tim: sorry,, this needs to be an in-person thing
Martin: oh, is everything okay ..?
Tim: yeah sorry,, just trying not to filter important conversations through humour and my phone
Martin: ah, probably a good habit to break!
Tim: yeah,,,,anyway. see you tomorrow bud. i promise not to avoid you this time ;))
Martin: ha! that's good to hear :))
Martin: see you tomorrow, tim.
Chapter End Notes
there is a limit to what i can reasonably include in a group chat format, so you'll just have to imagine for yourselves the moment martin opens the door, how for the first time in three long, difficult weeks, he sees tim and sasha idling nervously in the doorway. martin might narrowly stop himself from hugging them - instead, once they're in the flat, he might grab a blanket from the couch and envelop Sasha in a big, warm hug. And while this is happening, Jon wanders out from the kitchen. He and Tim lock eyes, and Tim notices right off the bat how Jon looks...thin, even more than normal. Thin and small and shaky. And Jon notices how Tim feels…far away. Like a mirage. Tim makes an offhand joke, but there's not much humor behind it. All at once he moves forward and delicately wraps his arms around Jon, holding him. And Jon just breathes and rests his forehead against Tim's shoulder. Neither of them say a word.
so yeah unfortunately you'll just have to imagine that for yourselves :/ sorry lmao
GC commented about desolation!Martin giving lonely!Tim a warm hug AND also this whole scenario:
"Martin can now boil water for tea or give re-heats with his bare hands!!! - Just the image of Martin walking into Jon’s office while Jon is reading a statement, feeling his mug to find it cool, and wraps his hands around it until it’s steaming again. Martin leaves without the statement-entrances Jon noticing. When Jon snaps out of it, he takes a big gulp of tea expecting it to be cold and nearly chokes when it almost burns his tongue.
Or. Tim running up to Martin like a giddy ten-year-old in the middle of the day, clutching a bag of marshmallows for Martin to toast. Martin just:
“Wha... No. Tim, no.”
“TIM YES.”
“No, Tim, I’m not gonna roast marshmallows for you in the middle of— *sigh* yea ok fine.”
“YES!”so you can thank them for that inspo in this chapter!
Kudos are always appreciated and comments are always read, responded to, and stored in a little box in my brain that i open whenever i want to make more dopamine.
the final monday
Chapter Summary
Elias regains access to his email; Martin and Tim open up.
Chapter Notes
See the end of the chapter for notes
Monday, 7:44 am
“jonah’s personal funeral planners”
Tim: problem: are croissants going to successfully bribe the institute employees on the upper floors to let marto and i wander around in their workspace, or should i go with something with a bit more *dazzle*
Tim: like uhhh mâplê cínnàmôn crêpês
Illegally snatched: Is your phone glitching or are you purposefully disrespecting the concept of language?
Tim: jonathan. the accents are where the dazzle comes from
Illegally snatched: I would agree, but unfortunately I prefer to support things that are true.
Tim: why,, tf are you roasting me it’s not even 8 in the morning
Can grill chees with hands: i think part of it is that he actually got a proper night’s sleep (both of us did!) so it’s been a good start of the day.
Can grill chees with hands: the other part is that you’re easy to tease :)) judging by the cute little smirk on his face, i think he’s having a good time of it
Tim: the way jon started typing Immediately after that text i
Can grill chees with hands: he’s just muttering “I can’t believe this. The utter betrayal.” over his tea
Illegally snatched: Well, Tim’s mental image of me saying those things should be an expression of stone cold apathy.
Tim: it will never be that again ;)
Tim: also guys pleASE which foods should i get to bribe people hhhhh
Can grill chees with hands: i mean if you know of a place that sells maple cinnamon crepes, and they arent too pricey, id go with that! i know julianna (second floor) is particularly interested in anything cinnamon
Can grill chees with hands: i doubt it will take much effort, honestly? if we just tell them we’re going to stick around them for the day to try and avoid our boss, im pretty sure they’ll be sympathetic. especially since it’ll just be the two of us, so we won’t be much of a distraction.
Tim: yeah tru
Tim: @jon and sasha you both had better be careful in the archives,, i know that me avoiding peter lukas via surrounding myself with people is going to be hilarious purely because of how annoyed he’ll get,,,but that’ll also mean he might try and take his frustration out on you two
Tim: what im saying is dont get sent to the Lonely
Tim: or ill uhhh be mad >;(
Illegally snatched: We won’t. If he tries, Sasha and I will simply…give him our full attention.
Tim: mkay that was the creepiest possible way to say that youre going to stare at him until he leaves
Tim: sash pyjamjams can you turn into an eldritch cryptid like jon because if so that would be helpful AND very sexy of you
Eliassassin: Not that I know of ! I don’t really want to turn into a spider so maybe it’s for the best ?
Eliassassin: Also, sorry for the late response, I was checking to see if Elias has reclaimed his email yet .
Eliassassin: (He has . We are officially locked out .)
Eliassassin: But this is good ! After he reads all the destructive messages we sent out from his account, he will probably be coming back to the Institute somewhat soon, so we’ll be able to put our devious plans into action . Not before we get the rest of the Entity marks, of course, but we only have three left: the Slaughter, the Dark, and the Hunt .
Illegally snatched: Sasha and I will likely be able to gather a few promising statements today. All we need is a few leads for locations where we’ll have a chance at making contact.
Can grill chees with hands: hopefully the statement givers had their experiences with these Entities in...not awful places? so that we won’t have to visit anywhere too terrifying??
Tim: oh you mean you dont want to wander around in an empty, desiccated hospital until some gutter monster sneaks up behind you?
Can grill chees with hands: um...no :))
Tim: suit yourself lmao,, i wanted to get Haunted
Tim: ….maybe eldritch horrors like mâplé cînnâmøn crêpès ;)))
Illegally snatched: At least one of them does.
Eliassassin: Make that two ^ .
Can grill chees with hands: not a full-on eldritch horror but make that three :))
Tim: you think i wasnt already going to use my PA pay increase to get you guys crépés?? smh
Eliassassin: Never doubted you for a second !
Illegally snatched: Oh, I did.
Tim: i would normally say, r u d e,, but thanks to recent insights i know youre smiling to yourself rn ;)
Illegally snatched: No, I’m not.
Can grill chees with hands: (he is)
Eliassassin: (I’m 100% sure he is .)
Tim: boss i thought you “prefer to support things that are true”
Can grill chees with hands: he just dropped his phone on the table, stood up, and walked straight into the kitchen. i am trying SO hard not to laugh
Tim: dw marto,, he’ll forget all about this morning’s Betrayal when he gets a çrépè
1:59 pm
Elias to Peter
Elias: Peter, there is urgent business we must discuss. Respond immediately.
Elias: Peter.
Elias: It has been several minutes now. Might I remind you this is urgent.
Peter: What is urgent, Elias?
Elias: I have regained access to my e-mail and have discovered several disastrous falsified messages sent out from my account. One of them, sent from “me” to Nikola Orsinov, was particularly distressing, and because I have more than a speck of respect for you, I shall spare you the details. But there was another message, as well––distressing in other ways––sent to Nathaniel Lukas. It discussed severing ties, financial and etcetera, with your family. Did you know about this?
Peter: Not at all. I don’t talk to my family much. I’m sure you can understand why.
Elias: I can, but for the sake of my Institute, I rather wish you would have spared a moment to check in.
Peter: How was I to know there was something I needed to ask about? Knowing things is your area of expertise, isn’t it?
Elias: I’m not saying you logically should have, Peter, I’m saying I wish you would have. Do spare me a single moment to lament for what could have been.
Peter: Well, you have your account back now. Perhaps reach out to Nathaniel and explain the situation. Considering the history between you and my family, he may be charitable, if not sympathetic.
Elias: I believe fixing this situation may require more than an e-mail. Drastic action shall be taken.
Peter: Would this action involve you returning to the Institute?
Elias: Yes. I do regret that you were not able to serve the Lonely as well as you had wanted during your time as the Institute Head. Although, you did take on Timothy Stoker as your assistant, by his request, thereby pushing aside my suggestion of Martin Blackwood. So I suppose you only have yourself to blame.
Peter: I shouldn’t have let him out of my sight is all, that’s where I went wrong. Because up until Friday, he was steadily imbedding himself further and further into isolation, and I barely had to do anything. It was beautiful to watch. Like a ship taking on water.
Elias: Well. It seems the repair team has made it just in time.
Peter: Apparently so.
Peter: When will you be heading back? Today has been very disheartening, and I’d like to return to the Tundra as soon as possible.
Elias: Dare I inquire as to what happened?
Peter: Tim has been spending all day socializing in the upper levels of the building. He’s constantly surrounded by other people, so I’m having a difficult time drawing him back down to the archives. It’s awful, Elias. Nearly all of his progress has been undone in a single weekend.
Peter: At one point I found him and Martin having what seemed to be a heart-to-heart, which I found quite distressing. Look at this.
Peter: [sent a photo: The picture is a bit tilted and slightly blurred, as though the lens was moving while the photo was being taken. In a small vacant office space, Martin and Tim (off-center and with their heads brushing the top of the frame) appear to be in serious conversation. Tim sits against the meeting table, his arms crossed and his downturned eyes glistening as he speaks. Martin stands opposite him, head tilted softly to the side, fingers threaded together in concern.]
Peter: I checked back on them later, and they were smiling and laughing, so by my estimates, whatever they were talking about ended well, which is never something I like to see from my prospective offerings.
Peter: So if you would please hurry back to London, this is no longer a suitable environment for me.
Elias: I plan to return Wednesday, but I’d prefer that you stay until the weekend so that you may attend the embodiment of those drastic actions I mentioned earlier.
Peter: That depends. Will I enjoy this embodiment?
Elias: No. But there will be free champagne. And lots of small talk. And me, in one of my better suits.
Peter: Tempting. What exactly is the occasion?
Elias: I have decided to host a fête. Not quite black tie, but something akin to it. I will be sending out invitations this evening, so you’ll have more specific information then, but for now my plan is to invite not only the Institute staff and your family, but a plethora of avatars well-established in the community. Yes, my central goal is to smooth over my business relationship with Nathaniel, but this could provide ample opportunity for my Archivist to earn another mark or two.
Elias: In addition, I have very much enjoyed my extended stay at the Maison Souquet, and would therefore like to integrate its eloquence into my Institute.
Elias: Shall I expect your presence Saturday evening?
Peter: I suppose I could provide Mr. Bitchard with a date.
Elias: Excuse me?
Peter: I didn’t mean to type Bitchard, I meant to say Bitchard.
Peter: Bitchard.
Peter: It’s changing to Bitchard even though I’m typing Bitchard.
Elias: Why would your phone recognize that as ‘correct’?
Peter: It must have happened with the update. My phone kept telling me to update it, but I didn’t know how, so last week I had Tim do it for me. It’s been working smoothly aside from this.
Elias: Fine. We’ll handle it later.
Elias: Do attempt to enjoy your final days as the Institute Head, Peter. Perhaps you can find somebody else to send into the Lonely for a few hours. That will cheer you up, yes?
Peter: Perhaps. But it won’t be the same.
5:03 pm
MartintoJon
Martin: want to meet up by the front desk? :))
Jon: No need to wait for me, Martin, I’ll be heading back to my own flat.
Martin: oh, okay! i guess it would make sense to bring over some of your clothes and things
Jon: Ah. It’s more that I’ll be going back to my flat and staying there.
Jon: I appreciate you letting me stay, but after everything you’ve done for me I’m not going to impose further. You need your own space.
Martin: oh, um. right.
Martin: actually, scratch that
Martin: jon it has been less than 3 days since you left nikola! you are not imposing, and believe it or not, i want to take care of you!!
Martin: you can go back to your flat if you want your own space, that’s completely understandable. but dont leave because you think youre overstaying your welcome, because youre not. that would be impossible.
Jon: Surely having another person around is a bit of a bother? Especially someone whose night terrors are obviously preventing you from getting a restful night’s sleep?
Jon: If I did stay longer, the least I could do is take the couch.
Tim to Sasha
Tim: so im chatting with Charlie and Noor, right? i look back at marto,
Tim: he is practically face-down at a desk rn,, it is so funny
Tim: i can only assume jon is texting him some bullshit
Sasha: Yeah, Jon’s doing that thing where he tries to make himself look taller to trick himself into feeling confident . Which doesn’t quite work because he’s currently sitting criss-cross-applesauce in a minor landslide of statements .
Sasha: He put his phone on the floor, but now he’s just...staring at it .
Tim: this is cinematic
Tim: and as much as i love the drama, it’s 5 pm so im gonna uhh leave
Sasha: Same here . Want to meet up at the front desk and head to the tube ?
Tim: hell yeah,,,ill get the details from marto later ;))
Martin to Jon
Martin: ok if anyone is taking the couch, it’s me, because youre my guest??
Jon: I don’t mind taking the couch, Martin, truly.
Martin: well i mind! because i want you to be comfortable!
Jon: You have a comfortable couch!
Martin: jon, love, you are driving me crazy.
Jon: Let me do something to help out, then. I’m already indebted to you and I want to give back.
Martin: you're not.
Jon: What?
Martin: you’re not indebted to me. i didn’t bring you back to my flat as a favour? i did it because that’s just what you do for someone you care about, whether or not they appreciate it, whether or not they care about you. it’s just something you do. or at least, it’s something i do.
Martin: i don’t have a better way to explain it.
Martin: so maybe you should just Look.
Martin: then you’ll Know exactly what i’m trying to say. okay?
Jon: Are you sure?
Jon: I’ve been trying to hold back. I don’t want to Know things about you that you want to keep private.
Martin: yes, i’m sure.
Martin: i want you to know.
Jon: All right. I
Jon: Oh.
Jon: So you
Martin: yeah.
Martin: i hope that um. clears things up?
Jon: It does.
Jon: I suppose I should still pick up some clothes from my flat…
Martin: pffff yes, i can’t have you stealing all my jumpers, which i know you’re still planning on doing.
Jon: Nonsense, I would never do such a thing. The only reason I’m wearing one of them today is because my Jonny D’ville shirt is not appropriate for the workplace. There is no other reason.
Martin: hm. i don’t quite believe you!
Jon: I’m incredibly trustworthy, thank you very much.
Jon: Also, Martin. I should make it very clear
Jon: I do feel the same way.
Jon: About you, that is.
Martin: oh
Martin: wow, um.
Martin: cool.
Martin: that’s cool :))
Jon: Agreed. :-)
5:31 pm
“jonah’s personal funeral planners”
Eliassassin: Have you guys seen the email ?
Can grill chees with hands: i just read it :I
Tim: never has the idea of a party sketched me out more lmaoo
Tim: like elias is high key up to something
Illegally snatched: I’m not sure I have ever seen an invitation look so oppressive. The fact that it is a mandatory event doesn’t help.
Can grill chees with hands: i would say we could still refuse to go, but something tells me that won’t work? it’s like. you know how we can talk about quitting, but we can’t actually do it? i’m guessing it’ll be sort of like that
Eliassassin: We’ll just have to make the most of it, then . In the email, Elias specified that the guest list extends beyond employees of the institute, which insinuates he’s inviting donors and acquaintances, AKA avatars .
Eliassassin: This could be an easy way to get the rest of the marks .
Tim: so if i make out with an avatar does that count as being marked ;))
Tim: if not,,, what about uhh ;)) one step further ;))))
Illegally snatched: Finally, a question I'd rather not have the answer to.
Illegally snatched: I never thought it would happen, but you’ve done it, Tim. You have made an avatar of the Eye wish for ignorance.
Tim: “wish” as in
Tim: as in the Eye already told you the answer?
Illegally snatched: No comment.
Tim: jon you have to tell me
Tim: i am Begging you,, tell me if sexy times will actively contribute to elias’s downfall
Eliassassin: How do I unread a sentence ?
Can grill chees with hands: ^same question :/
Illegally snatched: Well, if you consider statements such as 0140912 and 0140406, there have been instances of people sleeping either with manifestations of the Fears or with other people touched by one of the Fears, and the effect does seem to transfer. But both of these statements do refer to the Corruption, so.
Tim: sooo?
Illegally snatched: I suppose it depends on certain things. Such as how much the Fear manifests itself physically.
Tim: ok what im hearing is my best chance is to have an avatar of the hunt ~bite~ me ;)
Eliassassin: Oh my god .
Can grill chees with hands: could somebody please knock me unconscious? thanks :))
Tim: heY im taking one for the team
Tim: maybe ill wear a tux with a tail and a headband with ears on it or sth. avatars of the hunt are basically furries right?
Tim: do you think i could get my hands on cologne that smells like squirrels
Eliassassin: Tim, I am *this* close to coming over to your flat and beating you up .
Tim: i have done Nothing wrong
Tim: also, while we’re on the subject of this saturday,,,,can we all agree to vet jon’s choice of fancywear before we have a repeat of the swim trunks situation
Can grill chees with hands: oh he’ll probably be fine this time, i think he’s more used to this type of clothing :))
Illegally snatched: What is the swim trunks situation?
Can grill chees with hands: oh! i believe tim’s referring to the time we went to pick out swim trunks? and you just sort of picked up the first one you saw because you figured the elastic in the waistband meant that they were one-size-fit-all?
Illegally snatched: I think that was a reasonable assumption.
Tim: i,,,,,
Can grill chees with hands: never mind we’ll be helping him
Illegally snatched: Hmph.
Illegally snatched: I think we have more pressing matters to worry about than what I’ll be wearing this weekend? Such as the ritual?
Tim: oh right that lmao
Eliassassin: Jon and I did find a good number of statements that reference the Entities we’re looking for ! Many of them are fairly recent, too, but only a fraction are local, so we’ll have to focus on those .
Eliassassin: Tomorrow, Martin and I can start investigating while you two look for more statements .
Tim: wouldnt it be quicker if all of us worked on investigating tho? jon and i can be tag team B
Illegally snatched: I agree. This is the more efficient approach.
Can grill chees with hands: um but that might not be the best idea? sasha and i can handle the investigating bit!
Eliassassin: Yes, we’ll be fine . Tag Team B can work on gathering more statements .
Illegally snatched: I still don’t see the problem? Tim and I can handle ourselves just as well. We’ll be more productive if we’re all investigating simultaneously.
Can grill chees with hands: ok sure, but maybe it would be. safer if you stayed back? for all of us! like if sasha and i got into trouble, you’d be able to come help us quicker than if you were off elsewhere.
Tim: ,,,,youre sure it doesn’t have anything to do with the fact that both jon and i were, up until this weekend, sucker-punched by various entities for like three weeks straight
Illegally snatched: Ah.
Eliassassin: Okay, but are we wrong to worry that you two may be a little...fragile right now ?
Can grill chees with hands: we just dont want something like that to happen again. especially so soon after we got you back :((
Illegally snatched: I understand.
Illegally snatched: But something equally awful could happen to either of you, so really, whether or not Tim and I investigate, there will be plenty of risk to go around.
Tim: ^that and with peter lukas still at the institute, he could easily punt jon or i into the Lonely while we’re scoping out the archives,,,so like,,getting us out of the building might actually be better
Can grill chees with hands: i guess that’s true :/
Illegally snatched: We can take the less dangerous statements, if you’d like. Tim and I can verify the locations that have a low probability of a repeat manifestation.
Eliassassin: Fine . But let’s all check in with each other as often as we can, all right ? Frequent updates are the way we keep each other safe .
Can grill chees with hands: yes, that’s a really good point!
Illegally snatched: Will do.
Tim: im gonna update so often youre going to wish id just shut tf up
Eliassassin: I already wish that <3
Tim: aww ily too ;))
Chapter End Notes
i was going to leave this on a really evil cliffhanger but i have heard your pleas to Stop doing that so i shall stop. (for now ;) )
i was also originally going to include the investigations in this chapter, but! i wrote too much so uhh this might actually cause an extra chapter to happen. so be prepared for that i guess lmao
Kudos are always appreciated, and comments are always read, responded to, and mashed up into delicious summer jam.
you can chat with me @starryknightart on insta <3
trauma hunting
Chapter Summary
The squad goes on a hunt for the three remaining marks; Tim struggles with admitting a secret.
Chapter Notes
See the end of the chapter for notes
Tuesday, 9:49 am
Tim to Sasha
Tim: [sent a video: We pan around the spacey interior of a war museum, its walls gleaming with medallions, rapiers, and chainmail. Empty suits of Mongolian armour line the hall, interspersed with pedestals upon which battle memorabilia––bronze finger plates, bone daggers, onyx carvings of warriors charging, stabbing, and dying––are displayed in sturdy glass cases.
Tim, while the camera continues to pan: As you can see, this place has some very calming vibes.
Tim brings the camera around to settle on Jon, who is tracing the elbow seam of one of the suits of armour.
Tim: Nothing spooky yet, right boss?
Jon, noticing the camera: No, not…Ah, is this for––?
Tim: Yep, it’s to convince our compatriots that we haven’t been beheaded or eaten yet.
Jon, looking into the camera: Sasha, Tim and I are starting with statement number 0130203, the one you found about the young woman who was…drafted.
Tim: Um, you said it was a Night at the Museum situation?
Jon, returning his attention to the armour: Actually, I believe that was how you paraphrased it after I described it to you.
Tim: Yeah, because this random visitor turned a corner to find the suits of armour marching down the hall, and when she turned back, all the other visitors were gone. So she was by herself in this warp reality of living artefacts. Pretty accurate!
Jon: Yes, but that wasn’t all. She wasn’t able to hide from them for long. They were soldiers, after all. Trained to be thorough. So when they found her, she was shoved into a suit of armour, presented with a sword, and marched out into battle. Again, and again, and again.
A moment of unsettling silence; they seem to be completely alone in the museum.
Tim: Maybe if you tried on the helmet––
Jon, raising an eyebrow at Tim: If I tried on the helmet, we would promptly be asked to leave.
Tim, gesturing the camera around at the empty hall: By what employee?
Jon: They have security cameras, Tim. [Starting toward another suit of armour.] If we must rile up the Slaughter, we should do it in such a way that avoids involving the people who work here.
Tim, flipping the camera around so that it’s in selfie view: Sash, if you’re seeing this video, it means I’ve been stabbed––
Jon, distantly: No, it does not.
Tim: Okay, I guess it means I have not been stabbed. Or thrown into a mini war reality, or used as target practice for a bunch of ghost soldiers. [In a stage whisper:] If any of that does happen, though, my dying wish is that Jon mourns me by wearing a full suit of armour for seven days straight––
Jon, still distantly: That is not going to happen.
Tim, in a legitimate whisper: Please, Sasha, do the world a service. Make it happen.]
Sasha: Wow, what a comprehensive update !
Tim: ok did you expect anything less tho ;))
Tim: i wasnt joking about jon in full armour,, i kind of Need this now
Sasha: I’ll see what I can do, but my persuasiveness is only so powerful …
Sasha: Martin and I have checked out two locations so far, and no luck at either one . I guess we’ll just keep looking; it seems we’ve got a long day ahead of us !
Tim: yeahhh i guess we do ;(( nothing so boring as *gag* gho st hu n t i ng
Sasha: Oh for goodness’s sake, you are such a handful .
Tim: i do my best ;))))
10:23 am
Tim: [sent a video: This time, the space is smaller and damper, the rough-cut stone of its ceiling, walls, and floor shimmering in the yellow haze of grubby, fizzing bulbs, which have been poorly strung up on black wire from one end of the hall to the other. The camera pans to a laminated, dust-coated square of paper nailed to the wall: Did you know? Selwyn Gaol the “Torture Kingdom” is the most deadly prison in English history. From the time of its founding in 1723 to its closure in 1801, it secretly enacted severe, often lethal, punishment to its inmates. Nearly 70% perished before they had served the length of their sentence.
Tim: It smells weird in here. Like, um…Wet. But also bad. I dunno.
There is a sharp intake of breath, and Tim whips the camera around to Jon, who grips one of the cell bars for support. He’s pitched slightly forward, seemingly fighting off a wave of nausea.
Tim: What’s wrong? Jon?
Jon, with a shake of his head: It’s nothing. Just…you were saying about how it smelled strange and it––now I Know exactly what it smells like.
Tim: Oh. God, um. Do I––?
Jon: No. You do not want to know.
Tim: Right.
Jon, glancing through the bars of the cell: Maybe I should go in there. It might…help. Draw the Slaughter out, I mean.
Tim shifts the camera so that it’s pointed at the cell. The space beyond the bars is dismal, but there is enough meager light to distinguish an amorphous hay cot and an overturned bucket, eking with pale liquid.
Tim: Um. If you think that would––
Without waiting for Tim to finish his sentence, Jon steps into the cell, his shoes crunching on desiccated twigs, dirt, and debris. At the center, he pauses, then slowly spins to take in his surroundings.
Tim: How’s the weather in there?
Jon: Awful. [He rubs his arms.] It just feels… awful . [Pause.] We could wait a few minutes, see if anything shows up.
Tim flips the camera around and gives it a look that says, Seriously?
Jon: Perhaps if I break something––
Tim, startled into a laugh: Damaging property? They’ll lock you up for that. Oh, wait , too late. [He winks.]
Jon: Do keep telling jokes, Tim. The eldritch embodiment of visceral pain is sure to take interest.
Tim, clutching at his heart: You wound me, Mr. Sims.
Jon, bemused: Would you like to talk about something else, then?
Tim: Like what? Politics?
Jon: Earlier today, you mentioned wanting to tell me something. So we could talk about that.
Tim’s expression goes carefully blank.
Jon: I’ve also been resisting the urge to Know what you meant by that, so, frankly, the sooner the better.
Tim: Yeah, for sure. Um. [He gnaws at his lip, his attention jumping between the off-screen prison cell and the camera.] How about the next place we visit, yeah? This one’s too gross.
He gives a quick peace sign to the camera, then lets the camera dip down.]
Tim: still not dead ;))
Sasha: Good to know ! That place looks really frightening, though . Any Slaughter sightings ?
Tim: shockingly,, we were not able to annoy anything enough for it to attack us
Sasha: That /is/ shocking ! :)
Tim: h e y
Sasha: You said it first !
Sasha: Also, even though we’re supposed to be getting ourselves marked, I’m really glad you two are okay . The Slaughter is one of the most unpredictable Entities, which makes me nervous .
Tim: honestly i bet if we came back to the prison at night, we could trigger something,,,we’ve just got to be spooked enough ;) which won’t be hard to pull off when it’s even darker and creepier than it was just now
Tim: it might be nice to have all of us in the same spot, too,,,for backup, and uhh moral support
Tim: that building is Not fun to be in
Sasha: Let’s plan on that, then . We’ll go back tonight, or maybe tomorrow night .
Sasha: But until then, let’s keep investigating !
Tim: yes ma’am ;))
Sasha: Also, Tim .
Sasha: You’re telling Jon today ?
Tim: if i can muster up the courage yeah
Tim: i told marto yesterday so technically i know i can give jon the same spiel but,,,it’s just like
Tim: it freaks me out. that things could change between us because of what i say
Tim: and i dont want him to feel weird about it
Sasha: Did Martin feel weird about it ?
Tim: no, actually it went fucking swimmingly with him,, but with jon it’s different. ive known him longer, plus he’s like this human-shaped bundle of tension?? i feel like he’s going to react in some sort of BIG way, and it’s either going to be really good or really really bad
Tim: anyway,, it’ll be what it’ll be. i need to say it and be done with it
Sasha: I’m so proud of you, Tim .
Sasha: You can do this . Good luck .
Tim: thanks sash
11:09 am
Tim: [sent a video: The inside of a pocket. There are muffled voices––Tim and Jon––as well as footsteps on a polished floor. Underlying this is the staticky warbling of corrupted footage.]
Tim: [sent a video: Still inside a pocket. The footsteps have stopped, but now there is a third voice, deep and resonant, explaining something in an instructional tone. The intensified warbling rises and falls throughout the conversation, accompanying the subtle inflections of each voice and perfectly obscuring what is said.]
Sasha: Hey, I think your phone is taking and sending these by accident ?
X message not sent X
Sasha: Hello ?
X message not sent X
Tim: [sent a video: Pitch black; the noise has the same muffled fabric quality as before. The warbling has decreased to a low atonal chittering, and the voices have stopped. Quiet footsteps pad across tightly hewn carpet. The phantom noise coming off a distant sound system is a barely perceptible rumble, the only identifiable feature being that it fluctuates pitch too frequently to be normal music.]
Sasha: Tim, where are you right now ?
X message not sent X
Voice Call from Sasha to Tim
X call cannot be completed as dialed X
Sasha to Jon
Sasha: Jon, tell me if this message reaches you .
X message not sent X
Sasha: Are you safe ?
X message not sent X
Voice Call from Sasha to Jon
X call cannot be completed as dialed X
Voice Call from Martin to Jon
X call cannot be completed as dialed X
Voice Call from Martin to Tim
X call cannot be completed as dialed X
Tim to Sasha
Tim: [sent a video: Same pitch darkness as before, although the sound playing from the speaker seems closer, clearer. It could be someone speaking. It is backed by resonant harmonic tones that slide up and down without pause or beat.
Tim: ––only bits white enough to glow in the dark are the patterns on my shirt. Wait, what about my teeth?
Jon: They do not.
Tim: Damn. Maybe I should floss more.
Jon: I would be concerned if your teeth were white enough to glow in the dark.
Tim, audibly winking: I think you mean intimidated.
Jon: I do not. [Shuffling footsteps as he wanders.] The man at the front desk, however…
Tim, immediately: Okay, yeah, what’s-his-name––
Jon: Odsar Sharav.
Tim: His teeth were freaky white, like offensively white. I’d say he gargles with bleach, but his voice was all operatic, you know?
Jon: I don’t actually…recall what the rest of him looks like. All I can picture is…
Tim: His mouth.
Jon: Yes.
Tim, after a thoughtful pause: Was he wearing sunglasses?
Jon: Either that, or he had very dark eyes. I wasn’t focusing on anything above his nose. It was just a shadow in my periphery. [He chuckles.] I would have expected the Vast from a planetarium, not the Dark.
Tim: Maybe it’s a two-for-one. They’re doing a show in the main auditorium right now––you can kind of hear it––so I bet the dome’s for the Vast, this glow-in-the-dark tunnel is for the Dark. Hey! [He laughs; takes a few steps.] Look, it says there’s an asteroid called 2873 Martin. Right in our solar system.
Jon: I never thought I’d have a favourite asteroid, but here we are.
Tim: Aww .
Jon: Oh, hush.
The blackness shifts as Tim pulls his phone from his pocket; now we see a lopsided view of a dark hallway lit only by the eerie ultraviolet glow of planets, stars, and galactic clusters painted across the walls.
Tim: Let’s film a little clip for…Sash…[Noticing it.]…it’s already recording?
Jon, with a sigh: That happens to me quite a bit.]
Tim: oops, didnt mean to sent that lmao
Tim: but yeah we’re gucci over here so far
Sasha: I’d still be careful, something seems to be affecting your phone . The same thing happened at the waterpark, remember ?
X message not sent X
Sasha: Oh my god, come ON .
X message not sent X
Tim: [sent a video: Back in Tim’s pocket. The fizzy warbling starts off as a background hum, but gradually increases in volume.
Jon: ––not the ideal place to talk, but there isn’t really an ideal place.
Tim, his voice tight with anxiety: Yeah.
Jon: I doubt whatever you have to tell me will end in catastrophe. Unless you’re secretly working with Jonah Magnus or Jurgen Leitner, in which case you should probably run.
Tim: God, no , that’s definitely not where I’m going with this. So please don’t smite me with your floaty eyes of doom.
Jon: I wasn’t going to, but since you just referred to them as “floaty eyes of doom”––
Tim, half-laughing: Wait, no ––
Jon: ––that possibility is back on the table.
Tim: At least I didn’t call them spooky . Do I get points for that?
Jon, with an audible smirk: No.
Tim: Rude. [He exhales a laugh, then sobers.] Look, um. Before I say this, I just want to make it clear that I’m not trying to wreck anything, or even change anything, I just have this––There’s a thing that I want you to know, and nothing needs to come of it. I just think you should know, and I want you to know it on my terms. Not from the Eye randomly giving it to you or whatever.
Jon: Understood.
Tim: Great. So. What I’m trying to say is, uh. We’ve. I’ve known you for a long while. And back in Research, things were––it was less…complicated. I liked you. Like, I liked you, and it wasn’t a big deal. It doesn’t take much for me to like people. [He clears his throat.] Then we moved departments. You’re the new boss, I’ve got Martin as a fun new coworker. And it’s different, but good. Nothing matters too much. [Pause; his voice darkens.] Then all this horrifying bullshit starts happening. Over and over again we get slammed with these life-or-death situations, and they always seem to come out of left field. Utterly unpredictable. Out of our control. And it feels like any moment could be the last moment I get with you, or Sasha, or Martin.
As Tim speaks, the video fizzles and spits, the warbling increasing in volume as rectangles of color glitch on screen.
Tim: It’s gotten me thinking about what really matters. What I care about, who I care about. And since any of us could get snatched away at literally any time, I figure I should say the things I need to say, because maybe in a week, or a day, or…fuck, sixty seconds? I won’t have the luxury of talking to the people that mean the world to me. So I’m––[He lets out a shaky exhale.]
Jon: Tim––
Tim: I guess that’s what I’m trying to say. You mean the world to me, Jon.
Jon: I––there’s––
Tim: I know that wasn’t the smoothest way of saying––
Jon, fear locking his voice in a low monotone: No, Tim, look down the hall. Look at the walls.
Fabric swishing; a moment where the only noise is the intense warping of the video footage.
Tim, his uncertain voice barely audible above the digital corruption: Can glow-in-the-dark paint be turned off?
Slow footsteps as Tim and Jon back away. Their focus on what prowls toward them leaves their voices hollow and tentative.
Jon: No. The paint isn’t being affected.
Tim: But the murals are going out. One by one.
Jon: Not because they’re being drained. They’re being…
Tim: Blocked?
Jon: Swallowed.
Tim, after a beat: Something’s moving in it . [Straining to see.] A…person? Is that a person?
Jon, realizing: Odsar.
Tim: Shit.
Jon: It’s all…flowing around him like…some sort of–– [Intake of breath; Jon Sees the full shape of the darkness.] Tim, run.
Tim: What?
Jon: It’s going to pull us in. Run.
Footsteps pound as the footage spurts and crackles, and Tim and Jon’s shouts can hardly be heard at all. The only comprehensible sentence that makes it through the din is:
Jon: Grab my hand!
Noise like the fuming of a slow, scorched wind builds beneath the video’s corruption in the manner of a cresting wave, then, in accompaniment with a familiar resonant laugh, a cascade of smothering silence washes through, snapping the screen to pure black.]
Voice Call from Sasha to Tim
X call cannot be completed as dialed X
Voice Call from Sasha to Tim
X call cannot be completed as dialed X
11:29 am
Voice Call from Sasha to Tim
X call cannot be completed as dialed X
11:43 am
Voice Call from Sasha to Tim
[Tim picks up on the fifth ring. When the call connects, we hear birdsong, soft moving air, and the occasional car rumbling past.
Tim: Sash?
Sasha, out of breath: Where are you? Is Jon okay? Are you okay?
Tim: What? Yeah, it’s all gucci.
Sasha, startled into a moment of speechlessness: Um? Are you sure?
Tim: Yeah? What’s the matter?
Sasha: I couldn’t text you back. Your phone kept sending me videos and I was trying to warn you that something was wrong, but I couldn’t––and then I got this video with you and Jon being attacked and it seemed really bad , Tim, so Martin and I are currently on our way to the planetarium from the statement––[Martin says something in the background; Sasha answers:] No, he says he’s fine. They both are. [Martin makes a confused noise. Sasha:] I know, me too. [To Tim:] How are you so safe right now?
Tim: Wow, you seem almost disappointed! Maybe I should’ve let the eldritch black hole claim us.
Sasha: Tim.
Tim, laughing: I know, I know, just joking. As it turns out, Odsar didn't quite realize who and what he was dealing with. Jon could sort of “see” where we were, so he kept us away from the center of things, despite Odsar’s efforts to corral us into it. At some point the guy stepped a bit too close to us. And, uh. Let’s just say PA-ing for Peter Lukas had its perks. Apparently vanishing myself whenever Martin got too close for comfort was only one of them. 'Twas a Level One perk, if you will.
Sasha: What about Odsar, then?
Tim: Ah, he’s…elsewhere now. That’s probably a Level Four thing? I dunno how the levels work.
Sasha, exasperated but fond: Tim, you’re the one who made them up.
Tim: Bold of you to assume I know things. That’s Jon’s job! Also, since you two are already headed this way, why don’t we all celebrate getting one of the marks and go for an early lunch? I think there’s a café around here––right, Jon is nodding vigorously at me, apparently there is, in fact, a café. It has been confirmed by the almighty supernatural know-it-all, praise be unto he. Okay, he didn’t like that comment. He’s got anger in his eyes. I’m in danger, Sash. [To Jon:] You can’t eat my trauma if we both went through it together, boss. [Jon scoffs in the background; Sasha snickers.]
Sasha: We’re five minutes away. Could you at least try not to aggravate any more avatars before we get there?
Tim, audibly grinning: But that’s like half my personality.
Sasha: See you soon!
Tim, with faux desperation: Sasha, acknowledge that it’s half my personality!
Sasha, cheekily: Goodbye, Tim.
Tim: Fine. [He exhales out a woeful, drawn-out sigh, which sounds as though the depths of his soul are being dredged up and dragged through his windpipe.] Later, gator.]
Chapter End Notes
I know tim and jon did not have a full-on conversation but im not going to just leave it like that so. Worry Not
also GC is back at it again with amazing ideas! they reminded me that, oh yeah, Tim was very very influenced by the Lonely so why not flex those powers on an unsuspecting Dark avatar?
2 marks left....hunt and slaughter....how do you think the squad will get them? Also what do you guys think about the prison? I wanted to write more about it but but unfortunately i didnt have the space in the chapter...it super creeps me out :0 i have lore about it in my head....ill try to add more later :))
Kudos are always appreciated, and comments are always read, responded to, and used in my quest to make this fic the most commented-on tma fic >:))) (guys there's only one fic above it! it's the infamous cat jon one lmaooo)
selwyn gaol
Chapter Summary
The squad makes final preparations for the ritual; Martin and Jon have a talk.
Chapter Notes
CW for glitchy text weirdness ;)
See the end of the chapter for more notes
Wednesday, 10:31 am
“jonah’s personal funeral planners”
Illegally snatched: The Eye has informed me that Elias is about to enter the building.
Tim: quick! everyone act natural ;))
Eliassassin: Tim, I have no idea where you are right now but I am positive you are not acting natural .
Tim: im vibing Perfectly naturally in the haunted appliance/board game/feather boa section of artefact storage, excuse you
Tim: why do we have so many cursed boas
Illegally snatched: Because nobody likes them. Once a boa comes into one’s possession, even if it isn't supernatural, the proper inclination one should have is to dispose of it as rapidly as possible.
Tim: that’s a pretty bold opinion, jonathan
Illegally snatched: Well, it’s the correct opinion.
Tim: maybe if i find a slaughter boa it’ll try and choke me ;))
Can grill chees with hands: tim you’d better watch out, sasha just left the break room…
Eliassassin: Yes, because I’m not about to let him asphyxiate himself for a stupid boa .
Tim: it’s a very cool boa, it’s g̷ot ̶̯̋glitter ̵̄n ̸s̶t̵͑u̷ff
Tim: ̶̲̐wh̴oaa̶ it’s ̴̔gl̶itch̷ing̸ ̶̑the̶ ̴̓fe̴̓a̴th̵e̷rs ̵ar̶e ̴̧̍g̴LItC̸H̵i̵̒n̵͘g̴
̸Tim: ok th̸is ̶i̶s̴n̷’t ̷s̶la̵u̵gh̵t̵̃e̵r̵ it̶’̶s def sp̵ir̴å̵l lm̶̞̚ǎ̶͜oo
Tim: i put it back we’re all good
Can grill chees with hands: tim, why?? why are you messing about in artefact storage??
Tim: ok i actually have a legit reason,, like i figure if i can find an artefact that’s aligned enough with the slaughter or the hunt, we can just like,, Activate it? and that might be less sketchy then going back to selwyn gaol or wherever else and throwing ourselves at the mercy of whatever entity that happens to be there
Tim: i just have a bad feeling about the prison. idk, maybe it’s just the slaughter in general that puts me on edge,, but still. checking out artefacts we’ve already catalogued seems worth a try
Can grill chees with hands: im not sure, tim. i mean i get what you're saying but those artefacts are brought to us for a reason, you know? they've done a lot of harm to a lot of people, they’ve /killed/ people. and even though we’re supposed to be the experts on handling them, we have no real idea how to keep them contained! we’re just guessing!
Can grill chees with hands: at least when dealing with other avatars we can sort of fight back? with objects like these, i'm just not sure how well we’d fare.
Can grill chees with hands: also we don’t have to go back to selwyn gaol if you don’t want to. we can always look at other locations!
Tim: i guess,,,,, you have a point. there have been some really gruesome artefact-centric statements
Tim: also as much as i hate it, the prison is our best bet for getting something slaughter-y to happen,, so if we’re going to do the location-scouting thing, it may as well be there
Tim: squad,,,after all this is over,,,,,, we should get drinks,, we should really get drinks
Can grill chees with hands: we could do a pre-ritual night out on friday? with karaoke, potentially?
Can grill chees with hands: it could be nice. one last hurrah.
Illegally snatched: That does seem fitting.
Tim: jkfl yeaH!! im so down im so ready
Tim: oh hey sasha’s here ;)) party time
Eliassassin: I have the self-sacrificing hooligan in custody . On my way back to the break room with Mr. Stoker in tow .
Can grill chees with hands: dont come back yet.
Eliassassin: ?
Eliassassin: Martin ?
Tim: yo whats going on?
10:53 am
Can grill chees with hands: sorry to be a worry! elias stopped by and i assumed the two of you would prefer to avoid his usual tyrade.
Tim: fkjgkld oh god what did he say
Illegally snatched: Nothing unusual. Just that he expects us all to be on our best behaviour for Saturday’s event, and that he’ll be keeping a close watch on us. As though we didn’t already know that.
Illegally snatched: With him back at the Institute, we will need to be a bit more discreet. Any further Elias-related investigations carried out during work hours should be disguised as statement-relevant research. It may also be useful to see if there are any non-catastrophic artefacts in the storage room that resist the Eye; otherwise, Elias could look in on our thoughts at any time and discover our plans.
Tim: oh tru,, sasha and i will head back to storage and see what they’ve got
Can grill chees with hands: yeah, i think an anti-Eye thing would be really good. like i was trying so hard to keep my mind blank when Elias came in since it was right when i was drafting the ritual…
Can grill chees with hands: i shoved the notebook beneath some files and it was super super suspicious but apparently for Elias it wasn’t worth the effort to investigate? which is um. fine by me.
Eliassassin: He might have assumed it was poetry ?
Tim: i mean it IS poetry,,, the sweet linguistics of Murdering your Boss
Illegally snatched: Christ.
Can grill chees with hands: do we think he’ll actually,,, i dunno. die? not that i mind, based on what he’s done and what he’s been attempting to do. but all this ritual is good for is un-avataring him, in theory.
Eliassassin: I’m expecting that it will kill him due to the fact that his status as an avatar is the only thing keeping him alive . But if he doesn’t die, well . We have access to many blunt objects .
Can grill chees with hands: the way jon just laughed from his office was actually mildly terrifying :I
Illegally snatched: No comment.
Tim: never thought id see the day where jon sims full-on laughed about murder
Illegally snatched: You do recall my role in the Mechanisms, yes?
Tim: oh shit yeah i take it back
Eliassassin: If the storage system hasn’t been changed much since my time there, I might have an idea of where to look for potential anti-Eye things, so Tim and I will check around. In the meantime, the two of you still can research more Hunt statements .
Can grill chees with hands: sure!
Eliassassin: Great :) Assuming we’ll have a run-in with the Slaughter tonight, the Hunt is all that we’ll have left .
Eliassassin: I’m thinking it would be ideal to get the ritual done by Saturday; as Elias is currently occupied with setting up this party, he might not notice as much of our antics as he otherwise would . After the party is over, however …
Can grill chees with hands: back to full-attention mode, yeah :/
Can grill chees with hands: and guessing by, oh you know, the way that he is? if he found out what we’re planning, it wouldn't go over well.
Can grill chees with hands: he’d probably do something to make sure we wouldn’t consider going against him again.
Eliassassin: Yeah . I believe he would .
Tim: ok but guys,,,
Tim: the party itself is actually a great time to do the ritual?? if the double-boss is distracted now, imagine how he’ll be at the actual event lmao
Can grill chees with hands: that’s a really good point!!
Illegally snatched: I believe you’re right, Tim. He’ll be far too invested in business conversations to babysit the four of us.
Illegally snatched: And due to the fact that avatars will most certainly be in attendance, it may also give us the last-minute opportunity of receiving Hunt or Slaughter marks if we don’t get them in time.
Tim: ooooh yes,, we love to see a Convenient Backup Plan
Tim: this is even more reason to dress to impress,,,,not only are we wooing avatars but we’re celebrating the last day of elias’s bullshit ;))
Can grill chees with hands: um speak for yourself? i'm not wooing any avatars lol
Eliassassin: Right, you already did that :)
Tim: SDKJFSK
Can grill chees with hands: um!!
Illegally snatched: Well, it’s true.
Can grill chees with hands: ...you just want me for my tea :(
Illegally snatched: Ah, right. It’s nearly 11. Martin, would you mind?
Tim: yeah if you could bring some over to storage that’d be sick thx ;))
Eliassassin: We can’t bring liquids into the storage room but Martin, if you could drop our mugs off outside the door please ?
Can grill chees with hands: wow
Illegally snatched: Thank you. :-)
Eliassassin: We love you <3
Tim: marto youre the best
Can grill chees with hands: yes yes all right :/ three teas coming up.
6:35 pm
Eliassassin: Hey everyone, I’m just checking in about the hand mirrors from artefact storage . Are they still working all right ? Any concerning side effects ?
Tim: oh like aside from looking into them and seeing someone else looking back? and briefly losing your sense of self as you tell yourself “that’s not me” over and over while the reflection is mouthing “that’s me”?
Eliassassin: Yes, aside from those .
Tim: tbh i almost forgot it was in my pocket lmao
Can grill chees with hands: none for me, but jon got a bit um. weird. so we put his away.
Eliassassin: Weird how ?
Illegally snatched: Well, apparently I was muttering to myself in Russian.
Tim: do you,,,know russian?
Illegally snatched: Not intentionally.
Can grill chees with hands: he was also being really spacey and it was creeping me out :/ for a minute or so he was just sort of wavering in the center of the living room, not really recognizing anything.
Tim: right so no more spooky mirrors for the bossman ;)))
Can grill chees with hands: i guess it’s good to know that the mirrors work against Eye avatars….
Tim: we’ve been elias-proofed!! hallelujah
Eliassassin: We’ll just have to find something that works for Jon . Surely there’s something else in storage that won’t have such an effect .
Illegally snatched: It’s probably fine? I have an inkling that Elias won’t be able to See our plans in my thoughts if I keep my guard up. When it comes to storing information safely, I do have the Eye as an ally, unfortunate as it may be.
Eliassassin: Let’s just hope the Eye likes you better than Elias .
Tim: sdkfjghsj sasha do you even Remember how jon signed up to be an eldritch horror while we were in the w*terpark like,,, the Eye literally went “i know you like your friends and all but...what about me..dont u like me too….why dont you give yourself over to eldritch knowledge but like...only for me <3”
Eliassassin: Aw, Ceaseless Watcher has a little crush :)
Illegally snatched: I am physically grimacing reading this.
Tim: as opposed to spiritually grimacing
Tim: jon the eye is simping for you,,,,how do you feel about that ;)
Illegally snatched: Discomfited.
Illegally snatched: On a more important topic, what time shall we meet up at Selwyn Gaol? Also, Martin has a first aid kit that we will be bringing, but is there anything else either of you can think of that may prove useful?
Tim: clothes you dont mind getting stabby holes in
Eliassassin: Water and snacks . Something tells me it’s going to be a long night .
Eliassassin: We can meet up across the street at around 8:45 if that works for everybody ?
Can grill chees with hands: sounds good!
Tim: right as the sun’s going down,,,,,,,fun ;(
Eliassassin: Yep ! Here’s to hoping Jon is the scariest thing in there .
Illegally snatched: Judging by what it felt like to be inside the prison, even in the middle of the day...I somewhat doubt that.
9̸:2̶9̸ pm̸͑
ì̶̛͉͈̪̙̘̺̹͉͔̜̠̭͂̓͛̏̿̉̋t̵̜̼̘̰̥̟̦̣̥̲̊̈́̑̈̍̾̎͗̍̐͗̏ͅ ̴̘͎̲̯̠̖̘͊͐̑̀̓͋̈́̄͋̓̈́͂̆̏̒̕͝͠͝w̸̨͕̖̹͎̻̘̘̱̞͓͈̺͖̼͓̙̻̋͌͑́̊̂͆̐͐͌̈́̎̌̊̈́̋̔̐̈́̉̐̂̉͆̀̚͘̚͝͠ḯ̷̪̘̞̖̹̠͍̖͔̳̈́̓̓̿͌̎̚l̸̢̢̧̨̧̡̗͚̣͚̩̱̖̣͉̩̠̼̫̠̳͉̮̱̔͒́̓̿̑͒̓͋͐̋̃͊͋͗̎̃͂̆̀͘͜͠l̵̡̡͍̪̣͓̲̩̥͖͔͙͔͇̙͔͎̗̣̳͓̐͑͗̀̔̍͜ͅ ̶̡̡͚̩̱̺̖̭̤̤̬͚̦͔̅̏̈̍͋̇͗̂̂͘̕̕͜͜͠ͅc̴̨̨̬̺̗̠̱̫̤̓̄͐̿͌͌̋̎̊̏͒̈́̃̊̊̄̉̓͝ͅo̷̼̳̤̠͔͕͇̱̻̙̳̯͖̗̺̫̹͈̩͈̩̩͔͕͙͚̙̘̹̔̀͑͘̕͜͝m̷̨̮̞̠̗̲̦͚̦͍͎͙̳̰̣͉̞͙͖̪͕̩̽̂̑̅̈́͗̇̈̈́͆͒̓̾̉̅̕̚͜ͅͅe̵̺͕̪̼͒̈̈̏̈́̄̈́͂̈́͐̾͗͊͝͠͠ ̵̡̧̢̧̢̢̡̛̦̲̗̰̳̼̙͎̺̮̮̘͈̰̗̬͇̘̭̔̀͌̈́̓̑̓̈́̿͋͗̿͆̚͘t̸̛̠̻̤͙̥̯͚͐͌͆̅͑̏̅̋͊̋̕̕h̵̢͈̪̑̍̇͗̿̾̐̽͒͊̎́͠e̵̢̢̧̢̯̮̩̹͎̺̹̺͚̮͈̮̩̻̝̺̭̼̳̱̣̲̦̰̳̾̿͊͐͗̎̆͌̎͜͝ ̸̛̲̪͚̜̟̲̟̘̠̪͕̤͕͓̱̮̮͕͙̺̊̎͑̔̈́̄͒͌̋̋̌͗͊̔̃͘ͅṗ̷͎̥̗͉̘̦͕͈̲͈͖̖͐͌͑̄̓͛͑̑̇̇̈́̂̒̚͝͝ͅą̶̩̱̳̥͎̗͓͈̲̮̤̳̟̝̜̦͖̩͔͎͚͈͈̣̙̼̌͜͜i̵̢̢̹͇̟̣̥̤͈̮͇̙̲͇͚̥͚͎͒̌̔̊̇͐̈̓̈́̉͐̄̚͝ņ̸̛̘̳̘͉͖̯͖̟̙̞͚̫͚͋̀͋͛͐̔̓͆̃͐̕͘̕ ̴̘͔̮͍͕̤̱̓̑͐́̃͛̃̕̚̕̕w̶̘̳̹̆̈͐̔̉͊͗ͅi̴̧̡̨̡͇͚̱̜̮̯̬̟̟̻̫͍͉̣̫̰͙͉͚̯̗̟͐̓̒̾̈̂͑̍͐̏̎̇͌͘͘̕͜͜͜͝l̶̢̧͕͉̟̩̱̻̗̖̝̞͍̳͎͍͍̱̥̞̉̂̃̐͂̈̌͗̉̿͜ͅl̷̨̯͎̞̺̫̤̦̮̣̦̯̰̪̤͇̅̋̈̎̊̽͐̿̈́͗͐̆͂̎̏͌̎͛̈́̉̋͑͜ ̴̭͔̣̼̽̂̾̌̿͆͛ͅç̷̯̱̦̥͕̺̱͈͒̈̽̑͆͝ͅơ̴̼͛̓̍̂͘͠͝͠m̶͇͕̤̗͖̲̙̩̗̥͍̝͓͖̦̠̠̭̟͕̬̯̪̿̊͆̏̑̏͊̎͆́͘͘̚ȩ̷̩͎͇͔̣͓̗͒͗̓̀̑̋̅̍͗͐͑͠ ̶̧͇̙̭̝̠̞̫͇̜̻̭̯͖̺͙̞͖̣̰̜̬̺͇̦̪͑̚͠ą̴̡̛͙̥̦̥̱͇̓͑͋̾͗͊̔̓̿ͅn̷̡̡̢͍̞̺͕̯͓͚͕̺̫̪̼͕͎̪̮̟͚̥̺̠̹̺̞̔̓̍̃͋̃͜ͅͅď̴̖̦̻̻̗̣̤̗̪͉̞̻͚̯͉̓̈́̀̋̓̂̓̈́ͅ ̶̨͈̠͙̣̝͔̱͍̹͓̜͙̩̘͍͍͆̄͛̆̀̑̿̽̏̈́̑͝ͅi̶̳̦̱͕̠̺͙̩͐͆̽͑̄͝ţ̴̛̜̹̦̜̻̩͚͔̤̖͚͇̠̯͓̞̺̠̳͈͎͈̬̒̀̎͐̊̂̈́̆̓̃͗̅̒͌̆̅̊͂͌́̓͗̃̏̅͗̚͜͠ ̴̫̻̦̺̖̓͂͘͜w̶̢͎̲̞̟̞̝͈̯̠͚͙͚͖̲̦̟̖̥̥̜͕̠̆̓̂͒̚ȉ̸̧̡̢̞̥̳͎̝͉̠͍͎̮̮̺͓̮̗͇̥̩̪̩͎͓͎̪͕̜͐͌͗̑͌͛͠ͅl̸̨̦̰̝̼̜̲̜͖̥͍̪̬̩̤̄̏͗͜ͅl̸̨̛͙͕̘̏̊͂̀͋̏͆͑̑͋̈́̓́͠ ̸̨̨͎̘̖̣͔͚̥̗̟̩̓̋̈́̉̏̈̽̉̌̐̊̆̋͆̽̄̂͋̑̐͘͝͠͝͠c̶̥̜͉͛̒̔͌̓̕ơ̸̢̧̜̤̳͓̦͇̦̱̝̹͓̩̪̝͔̺̩̫̹̯͈̈́͒̏̍̚̚͜͝ͅm̷̢̡̥̻̰̯̜͔͇̰͔͉̳̳̺̙̳̫̦̲͕͔̲̐̄̄̈́̎͐̑͒͒̽̉̽͗̌̾̍̏͛͐͗̀͛͆͆͘̕͝͝e̵̢̯̭̦̗͉̬̹̻̙̥̬̹̖͇̰͚̣͇͎̩̠͚͎̠̹̦̓̈́̓͗̒̋͋̈̊͌̈́͒͘͝ͅ ̶̡̨̡̭͖̭̺͖̹͍̝̺̖͍̌̀̓̍̍̐̈́̈́̒͛̌̎̾̓̿̏̒̈̿͒͛̋͆̈́͆͘͜͝͝͝͠ą̶̡̢̧̣̺̙͍̯̖̝̺̣͕̣͈͕̜̜͙̖͎̀̓̄̈́̊̿̏̊̍̀͆̒̓̑͋̅̽̇́̉̓ņ̶̧̡͚͖̮̫̜̘̙̙̭̜̺͔̯͔̱͇̘̮̌̏̏̋͌̑̆͑̋̊̾̿̅̅͂̈̅͘̚͜͝͝ͅd̴̨̡̢̨̢͚͇̞͎͉̦͎̞͈̩̙̺̪͕̩̦̳̒̊͜͜ ̶̢̙̫͎̭̼͙̙͕̭̱͙̗̭̞̮̖̳̜͍̞͙͙͍͌̐͊̕h̷̡̡̛̛͍̪͉̠̠̗̜͇͇̱̣̩͋̊̈́̍̔͋͂̄͑͗̄̈̌̈́̌̆̉̇͌̌̽͑̋̍͘͜͜͝a̸̮̿̋̃̏̃̇͒̒̊͒͛̕͠s̴̡̛̯͎̤̫̣͇͍̤̠͖̩̐̆̈̉̇̽͂̉̊́͑̔̉̈́̐̇͂́͒͆̒̾̌̚̕ ̴̦̻͈͙͓͙̱̣̭͕̥͙̫̯̔̅̍̈̾̍̓̃̄̋̔̐̿͜ͅa̷̧̛̱͛̿̈́̐̑͐̽̈́̓͊͛̓̋̿̈́̽̃̈́̃́͛̈́͘͘l̷̡̧͉̗̯̼͂̈̊̓̓͛͗̃̈̒̈́̽̇͗̅̀̈́̑͑̅̓͑͘͝r̸̛̛͚̜̒͌͐̆͋̀̒͐̎̄̾̒̋͐̂̏̽̅̉̂̄̐̚ē̵͎̱̲͎̑ḁ̴̢̡̧̛̲̺̱̰̻͔̹̙̺̰̩̥̗̥̘̪̲̞̤̞͕̖̐͛́̇̓̓̏͆͜d̷̢̧̩͈͈̜̬̖̙̠̞̠̻̹̘̘̩́̅͛͂̉̓̃͑̌͋͆͌͘͘͝͝ẏ̵̢̛͖͚̻̩̟͉̪̟̘͒̾͆͊̈́̏̾͑͘ͅ ̶̡̛̦̦̳̣̱̝̗̬͎̣̌̓̆̾̋̔̒́͆͂̋̌͐̇̿̎̓̏̚͝͝͝͝ç̴̨̣͕̱̖̯̮̳̬͍̭͎̥͕̙̠̥̲͙̦̫̥̬͕̍̋͜ǫ̸̛̼̞̭̯͖͍̦̹̙͉̜̝̘̙̞̥̩̟̩̤̓̍̽͂̈̌͂̿͋͒̽̾̑͊͘͘͝͠ͅm̴̡̤̗̗̺͇̳͖͔̜̰̩̲̜͈͈̭̬̹͐̉̀͌̑̿͛̊̃́̂̋͗͊̊̄̆̄̏͛͋̾̚̚̕̕͝͝͝ȩ̶͔͕̫̙͖͉̭͔̬̭͚̖̅̃͂͛̆̓͌͛͋̆̓͘͜͝ ̸̫̥͒̓̅͒͌̅̅̿̎̔̓̋̿̃̿̐̎̀̑͑̄̐̚̕͘͝ͅt̶̺͐̋̀̈́́̆̉̔̆̎̅͑̽͒͒͒̋̍̽̎̽̎̊͗̊̎̎̚ḧ̷̨̝̥̦͎́͐̒̒̉̈́̽̏̅̕̚͝ẽ̸̛̛̫̟̻͓̣̯͎͉̱͓̦̫̯͚̖̤͓̰͚̠͊͌̍͌̍̈́́̒̚͜͜͜͜ ̴̢̛̬̫̖̋̅̊̋̈́̉̓̒͂̔̌̐͗͊͋̋͊͛͘͠͝͠͠p̴̗͉̥̰̹̪̫͙̰͉̗͇̥̫̗͙̊̂́̄̇̅͐̈́̌́͒͗̓̂̂̍̾̓̓̌̄̔̆͌͊̕͜͜͠͠͠ͅa̷̢̨̛̤͚͔͚̦̘͙͔̪͚̗̗͕̼͙͚̝̘͎̳͓̝͉͋͌̋̈́̓͒̆͋̽͌̓͂͊̑̒̄̂́̕͜͝͝͠͝ī̷͇̭̠̻͚̮̌̀̍̎͛́̆͛͂̏̋͛͘͘͝͝͝͝n̶̢̨̛͕̦̳̯̥̱̝̘̬̤̘̗̞̱͊͐̽͘ ̶̨̖̦̲͈͍͕̹͎͕̗̤̝͖̥̗̹̼̳̹̣̺͒̈́͆̋̋͒̎͘̚͝ͅį̷̨̡̙̖͕͉̝̠̼̥̖̬̖̝̙̺͙̭̫̣̰̠̗͖̖̈̍͗̒̉̐͗̂̿̓͗͆̍̆̅̎͊̾̽̓̽̃̌̒̍̚͜͠ͅs̷͎̣̑̍̽͐̆͆͐͛͊̈́̆̂͠ ̴̨̛̗̬̭̰̻͛̎̐͆͒̈̾̐͊̉̋̍̋͌̋̈́̊̈͒̇͂͘͘͝͝͠͝i̵̛͙̥̺͖̣͈̠͉̻͉̦̟͔͕̾̀̓̀͗̕͠n̶̢̛̩̯̭͖͇̠̰̗̞̳̻͌̇͗̒̋ ̵̢̧̺̝͕̘̘̲̦̼̿̾̓̃̍̿̒͂̍̀̎̾̓̑͒̔͌̕͝m̶̢̧̨̡̡̛̛̹͚̟̪̫̘̱͖̬͇̺͇̻̝̬͍͍͛̉̅͂͑̿̊̾́͆̂͐͑͛̅͆̾̍̇̔͘̕͝͝͠y̵̢̰̺̼̘̦̠̰̺͍̱̬̥̯͙̰̞͙̥̥͙̯̳̗̠͕̰͓̖̋̐̿̋̒͠ ̷̢̹̹̼̟͖̺̗̻͉̈̏̇́͑̇̆͘͜͝͠͝͝͠b̴̡͙͇̰̦͚̯͒̀̓̄͗͋̐̔͠l̵̡̛͈͇͖̗͉͋̀̇̂͐̄̈͗̋͑̆̈́̍̑͂͌͋̑̊̇̿͛̕̕̕͝͠ͅǫ̵̢̢̢̯̟͈̙̺̦̭̺̹̺̻̦̺̼͎͕͍͕̞͓͕͐̄̐̓͗͂̉͐̑̽̆̓̓̈́͌͑͘̚͜͝͝ơ̷͓̱̯͙͉̩̮̱̮͎͖͚̦͈̖͕͕̦̦͆̔͑̿̈́͂͐͑͐̌̅̕̚̕͝͝d̷͓̬͕̙͎̗͚̥̤̱̳̥͋ ̵̢̢͉̗̱̼̤̪̗͚̱̖̞͔̘͙̂̆ͅm̷̩͙̫̹̜̭̗̬̦̜̝͓̤͎̈̈́͑̕ͅͅy̸͚̗͎̥͚͈̺͚̝̾ ̵̡̛̳͇͖̫̮̦̹̠̬̼͎̥͇̝̣̘̰͕̯̺̪̄͌̅̑̄͌͆̈̇̈̍̈́̋͛͐̽̍̎̇̓̋̿̄̽̍͘͜͠b̶̨̢͕̙̞̩̹͍̻̳̜͇̂̍ŗ̶̡̡̛̛̺̦̰̥̪͚̤̪̫̥̝̭̼̠͇̘̞̝͕͕̲̩̱͔̤͐̉̔̂͋͐̽͐̈͋͑̉̉̽͋͆͒͊͘͜͝͝͝ę̷̛́̔̂͐̿͛̈̽̂̅̅͒̎̉͊͘͠ā̵̡͔̤̖̩͚̙͈̻̦̻̞͚͕̻͈̟̝̈́̓́̿̓̇ͅt̴̨̧̛̳͈̜̗̩̪͈͙̼̰̳̥̣͉̻̠̟̲͇͙͚̩̖͙̍̋̈̄̽͌̉̂̄̀̔̍̽̊̒̄̈́̅̅̊̽̿͠ͅͅͅḧ̶̨̨̢̡̛̬̬̠͍̲̻̣͓̦̘̳̤͓͔̹̬̰̼͉̘͎̘́͑͒̇͝ͅ ̸̛̜͚̠̗̮͚͙̦̣͔̣̼̼̬̖̘̪̣̙̞̟͚̋̏̓̓̓̒̉͛̌̌̓́͐̂̽͂̋̿͑͑͐̀̈́̾̚͘͝͝ͅm̴͉͎̖͔͂͂̋̌̔̏̎̃̔̈̔̿͒̃̃͊̈́̓̈́̈́͘͘͠͝͝͝͝ÿ̴̙͇̘̰̣͍͈̮́̌̈̀͑͐͑̓͒̽̋͊͌̂̆̋͘͜͝͝ͅ ̵̧̧̢̛̼̘̟͔̬̤̰͇̩͚̺̺͍̖͆̅̓̎̓̔̅̇̑͝h̷̩̃ȩ̷̖͎̺̬̞͉̩͓̦̰̳̱͇̦̝̫͆͜ą̸̣̮͔̟̩͖̬̲̳͉͚͇͎̙̮͉̮̓͠d̴̦̋͋͐̉̉̒̒̊̔͛͋͆̏̈́̿̏̇̚̕͝͝ ̸̨̧̛̖̻̪͓̗͓̹̣̜̫̤͙̖̟̜̩͎̞̀͂̋͒̒̉̏̏̄̒̉̐̂̈́̏͛̽̎͐̃͘͘͜m̵̡̢̮̭̭̣̥̫͚̺̱̙̯͎̙͓͈͍̖̬̼̯͍̫͉̱̗͂̔͋̐͆̿̈́͌͛̏̀̑̔͛̈́́̈͘͘͝͠ͅy̴̨̧̢̛͉͓̜͖͕̖͇̥̼̙̭͇̘̞̟̘̖͗́̂̑͒̂̽͋̈́̀͆̈́̈̌̄͌̈́̉̋̄ ̷̛̫͉̙͈̫̗̙̥̌͊̽̐̃̽̒̑̈́͐̀̾̀̓̐̑̽̈̄̇̑̃̀͘̚̚͠f̸̨̧̢̦̬̯̹̼̬̩̟͓̬̱͚̜̠̮͚̩͎̙̙͕̟͎͈̣̋̈̈́̒͐͗̓̇̊̐̄̀̈́̑̓̋̈́̊̕͜͠͝i̵̢͉̬̱̹̖̼̜̼̻̟̪͙̼̳̖̝̱̫̣͚̫̝̾̈́͜ͅn̴̨̮̦̣̘͓̥̮̲̣̝͕̤͕͚̰̞͎̱̩̭̞͕̒̄̐̏̋̑͐̏͐͗̇̈́͗̆̽͗̓͘̕̚g̵̢̖̹͎͖̝͖̗̿̂͂̽̍̈̊͆̏͌̓̌̇̕ȩ̸̳̜͎̘̱͇̜̩̲̼͚̯̦̩̺̲͔̠͌͗͌̇̀̐̊̿͗̃͐̀͗̆͐͊̚̚͝͝͠r̴̨̛͇̳͒̽̋͂͛̆͛̐͊͊̈̾̄̾̍̂̇̒͑̽̔̀̇͌͝s̸̡̡̢̛̛̻̖̲̰̖̼̜̺̦͉͙̻͉͈̣͚̞͔̬͈̰͈̗͚̔̉̏̈́̊̎̎͌̋̓̃͌̄͋̈́͋̒͊̾͒̕͝͝͝ͅ ̷̢̧͉̼̭̪̼̬̭̹̟͖͉̫̤͍͓̬̫͖̋̿̐͑̒̈̊̕͜͠͝s̴̨̡͓̫̭͈͔̮̩͉̭͉̠̱̳͍̬͖̬̗̿͐́͐̈́͛̓̈́̔̚̕͜͝ͅh̴̖͔̟͖̩̣̭̩̻̮̳͈̖̯̞̜̻͚̐ȓ̶̢̘͚̠̤̤̼̫̠̀̍͑̍͛̏̎̄̂̌͐͒́̂͗̽͐̒̋͛͛̉̈̀̈͘͘͜͠ę̷̛̳̣̳͇͓͔̰̫͇̤̣͎̫̠͍̜̭̮̖̹̹͈͓͙̰͖̗͕͊̄̆͂̂̉̀̅͂͆̈͛̈̊̿̈́̄́̔̍͗͑̒̉̕ͅd̶̛͕̲͍̻̮͋̉̓̄̑̐̊̿͆͛͑̉͒͌͛̈͑͑̚͘̚͘ ̸̛͇̅͂̍̊̍̒͗̏͊̏̉̌̌̋͐̈͐̎͆̌̆͝͝t̷̡̡͎͍͕̖͕̫̬̬̱̬̩̞̺̼̬̱̺̺͚̯͈̹̹͚͙͇̾̉̓͒͒͝ͅͅḩ̸̛͕̖̖̹̬̝̠͔̱̳͕̜̳͇͕̭͉̖̠̿͋̒̐͋̌̅̉̐̇̔̋̄̓̒̆̑͜͝͝ͅͅͅę̷̼̼̙͔͖̫̤̫͊̃̋̑̚̕ ̷̨͉̭͇̮̼͖͇͔̟̘̘̈́̈ņ̶̧̛̛̺͈̳̯̫̲͉̯̦͖̘͚͎̞͕͎̘͗̏͊͗̃͋̒̎́̄͊̾̔̆͊̆͑̊̾̄́̔̎͘͘͘͜͝ͅa̸̧̪͙͍̤̣̹̝̰͚̪͉͖̣̘̭͖͛̐͐̍̇̎͗̉̑̈́̀̎̌̉̍̑͘͝ǐ̷̧̢̡̢̛̻̤̬͓̗͓̻̳͖͈͖̜̫̠͎͙͚̻̺̭͑̋̈́̋̽̍̂̄͂̉̆̈́̌̍͆̄͊̈́̀̈́̚̚͘̕͠͝͝ͅl̶̢̢̨͕̻̘̻͖͓̜͕̘͈̙̳͈͙̲͎̳̿͜s̸̡̡̛̛̗͚̮͚̘͙͚̺̺͈̝̞̗̥̼͍̲̘̣̻̰̘̳̎͋̎̓̓̔̔͑̀̊͆̾̌̈́̎͋̈́̃͊̕͜͝͠͝ ̶̩̩̙̮̤̩̖̱̳̜͔̦͍̪̪͍̰͔͖͖͕̟̞̮̱̇̄̏̋͜͝t̶̢̡͇̥̰̖͖͓͖̘̲̯͇̙̯̿̓̋̌͆̋̀̊̈͌̒̉̈́̀̈̊̓̋̆̆̃͗̈̍̏̒̅̚͠͝ͅh̷̛͇͙̠̟̣̯̞̺͖̳̼̳̪̒̔̃̀̊̅̋̏̆̉̉̊̊̎ͅͅe̶̢̨̢̛̱̰̬̱͎̫̩̝̦̩͙̪̖̙̥͔̒̔͂̆͐͆̐̏̒̇̒̎̌̇̽͂͌̇̊̐͘̕͘͠ ̸̧̢̨͙̬̤̖͔̙͚̘̱̠̜̭̦̲͖̣̩̪̣͈̘͇̼̄̓̔͛́̋̊̇̑̏͊͛̀͌̂̂̓̎̄̎͒͐̂͛͜͝͠ẗ̴̨̨̨̢͚͕̦͖͙̪͓̥̤͈̝͔͍̹͖͇͓̳̻͓͊̆̆̽̃̈́̄͊̏̀̔̂̇̆͆͂̀͝͠ͅͅę̴̛̗̖̞̯͎̝̯͕͒̄͋̾̊͆̈́́̚͘ȩ̵̛̛̛̛̛̫̟͐͗͂̔̀̆͗́͊̋̂̈̊̅͋͊͑̓̎̚͜͝͝t̵̡̢̧̧̖̪̻̱̱̞̜̘̮̮͖̣̞̂̍͛͋̊̓̑̉̒̐̐͊͗͌̿̕͝͠h̷̨̨̡̛̫̖͍͇͖̙̫̝̗͔̯̭̫̠̺̝̆̓̉̓̑͊̔͂͌̀̈́͂̿̍͂́̋̈́̉̚ ̷̢̲͖̻͔͎̟̻̐̎̌̊͋̎͑̄̋̐̄͆͑̓͗̍͛̀̈́̔̒̏̿̊̕̕͜͝͝͠m̸͚̣͚̠͕͖̪̰͉̙̳͉̹̦͇̱̅̍̓͊̍̔̍͊ͅẏ̸̡̧̯̲̲̩̟̠͓͙̙̙̻̼̮̪͍̜͓͇̱̩͉̃̔̈́̈́͂̆͌̓̌̀̊̈́̒͌͂̌́̎̾̊̋̕̕͜͠ͅ ̶̫̱̇̐̆̋͑̿̈́̉̎͗͒́̃͋̕͝p̸̢̢̧̧̯̤̠͖̲̟͙̣͈̳͇̩̤̰̆̄̆̈̏̓̏̒̈͌̃̚ͅa̴͖͓̠̯̱̓͛̓͐̀̐̌̈͑͠į̵̧̨̛̱͇̞̠̗̱̗̝̠̩͓̱͓͔̊̑̏̾̎͐̈́̉̈́̓̈̓͊̇̋͌͗̿̾ň̴̨͖̯̘͔͍͔̰̩̭͍̭̖̗̗̳̬̝̗̣͓͒̃͗̐̚ͅ ̸̛̘̥̭̀̐̋͒̉̆̇̔̄̇̆̕m̵̢̨̡̛̼̬̦̻͕̟̤̱͕̣̺͎͍̘̒̈́͋̐͌̾͆̋͂̋̈́͐̄͂̈́̔͊̒̄̚͜y̵̧̛̙̰͙͖͓̩̞̩̝̺̣̲͛̾̇͒̋̏͐̍͊̿̿͘̚̚̕͝͝ͅ ̸̧̧̪̗̣̥̰̞͙̱̼͊̆͊͐͐̓̓̀͂̈́͌͘̕̚͘̕͜͝h̵̡̥͍̝̹̜̦͓͓͎̮̞͈̭͚̗̻̉̾ͅo̵̡͍͉̳͔̬̘̖̫̦̦̗̮̗͍̙̙̻͕̱̝͒͒̓̏̔t̷̡̡̨̨̧̳͔̹͖͎͎̰̫̝̜̪͍͈͍͇̼̭̮̋̃͜ ̴͔̤̮̺̝̽̊̄̑͛̇̋͑̇͊͂̔̾̓̂̑̀͐͜͝w̵̧̨̠̱̣͔̱̫̣̜̗̯̟͈̲̲͍̱̰̦͈̠̃̑̐̈́e̸͔̘̦̫̊̓̈̿ȩ̸̨̛̛̗̮̹͔̼͉̙̞͔̝̞͎̗̺̮̱̺̰̓̌̓̈́́̄̊̈́̄̈̽́̇͆̅͌̕̕ͅp̸̨̡̧̛̠̼̙̹͚͉̘̽̈́̊̂̃̈̈̏̏̐̊̂̈́͛̏͂̄̚͝͠i̴̧͍̩̻̹̫̐͊̐̍̃́̏ņ̵͔̻̯͇̼̭̖̪̖̲̳̫͓̬͍̱͓̗̤͎̻͈̂͋̃̈͜͠ͅg̵̨̨̨͍̟̣͍̘̠̹̘̠̝̖̼̟̊͂̀̊͐̂͊̃̓͂͒̋̓̾͝ ̶̡̧̡̡̢̯͚̞̞̞͚͕̬̤͓̬̫̭̔͆̔̃́̎b̷̨̝͎̬̟̱͖͎̥̻͍͖̬̭͙̟͇͚͕͈̗͍̝̯͙͕͎̃̀̔̔͆͆̋̅̂̆͌̓̂̈́̇̓̄͑̒̆̍̚̚͘͘͘l̸̠͉̟̯̱̅̋͛̍͗͑͋̋ơ̶̢̢̱͙̲͖̲͍̺͉̜̟̫͍̭̱̓͌̿̿̈́͗̉̊͝ö̸͎̝̼̠͔̲̟̲̬͔͇͖͉͕́͜d̴̢̮̗̟͈̻͚̱̦̑͘͜ ̷̡̭̠̖̖̮͆́̎̈́̾̾̽́̅̑̓̑͐͊̍̀̒̆̈̽̏̍̑̕͜͠͠ͅi̴̫͓̒̅͆̈͑̒̂̍͊͘͝ṭ̸̫̍́͋̌̒̌̿̾̈̅͊̊̓̌̂͒͌͛͝ ̷̧̡̧̡̗͔͇̖̗̦̙̘͉̺͙̩̳̫͕̖͓͙̮̯͚͇̺̗̲͗̉̂̂̎̔͐̂͑̓́̐͒̕̚̚͜ḩ̸̨̛̪͎̱̳͈̫͙̫͚̉̌̈́́͗̇͒̐̇̓͒͛͂̍̍̕͠a̸͙͇̦̰̦̪͙̺̱̅̇̉̆̐̃̏͝͝s̴̛̛̥̝̪̓̈̓̏͊̄́̐̓͋͗͆̓͆̾̓͋̕̕̕͝͠͝ͅ ̶̢̡̧͖̱̗̳̜͔̈c̶̡͈͉͚̹̭̫̱͙̜̙͖̣̠̝̘̘̬̤̘͇̺̹̃̒̚͜͜͝͝ǫ̴̢̮̱̯̜̦̭͎̼̯̞̤̽̏͜m̷̛̹͔̠̻̺͐̿̄̇͛̅̍̏̈͆́͛̈́͋͋̇̈́̎͛͂̇̒̒̈̊͘͝ę̸̙̟͙̘̣̩̂̀͑̅̈́̄̐̏̌͒̎̓̑̾̕͝͠͝͝ ̵̡̨̨̡̛̜̘̗̱̙͖̤̖̭̞̝̈́̍̈́̈́͑̿̑̑́̌̽̕͘͠i̵̛̛̩̤̙͛̓̄͑̑̽̈́̈́̒͊̂n̵̨͍̮̻̟̳̠͍̖͇̰̯͉͔̣̺̯̫̤̟͓̣͌̈́̇͋̍̈́̌̄̑̕͜͜ͅͅť̵̢̧̯̼͇͖͖̟̬̣̖̦͎̜͚͎̓͋͗̆͂̾͝͠ő̴̰̺̪̦̬͖̻̥̤͕̜͉̲͙̫̭̭̟̺̦̬͉͙̠͛͗͌̋̈͂̅̎͘͠ ̸̧̭̯̹̼͈̟̭͔͖̘̻̪̹̝͎̘̞̱̦̩̩̼̗̯͔̻͊̀͐́̽̓͒̆̇͂́̊́͘ͅơ̸̡̨̜̼̤̫̯͙͙̟̟̱͖̙͇̈́͂̆̄͒̈́̑̑̌͛͋̒̽͐͗͑̑̑͆̅̓͘̕͠ͅṅ̷̡̢̢̦̳̘̠̯͚̹̯̻̾͌͋͒̃̐t̶̫̖̤̙̥͍̪̼͔̙̺̹͖̥͇̺͎̹͖͉̼͛͋̿͒͌̐̊̉͛̌̔̓̋̇͑̐̇̓͆̈́͆͊̈̑͘̚͘͝ǫ̸̡̨̧̛̠͉̦̜͕̜͈͓̠̝̭̞͔̜̖̠̫̣̳̳͖͖͙̝̆̓̓̓̒̊̃̎̃̃̀̇͠ͅͅ ̸̖̮̪̜̩̙̱͓͙̮͕̦͓̮̈̒̀m̷̨̢̛̻̙̗̔̉͑̊̐́͊̄͜͝ͅȳ̴̧̨̨̢̛̱͉̰͔͓̼͉̣̺͍̟͎͚̝̮͙̫̳͍̯̤̜͔̻̈́͋̄̿͑̈́̿̿̑̀̈́̋̐̈̑̑̿̈́͂́̔̚̚͝ͅ ̵̡̛̱̇͒̂̄̀͌̀̾̿͊͊̾̕͝͝ḥ̶̨̥͍̖̱̫̳͔̜͙̠͕̲̘̑̈́́̓̽̇̑͜e̸̢̧̨̗͚̗̱͓̥̬̳͇̼̦̩̮̮̘̹̼͖̼̐̔́͒͊̾̓͗̽̔̉̓͝ͅả̸̡̱̺̗̗̻̣̯̘̻͇͇̯̙̮̱̻̱̬̺̀̇́͗̏͋̒̆̕̚ͅd̶͉̹̞̞͚̫͇̻̱̪͓̩͍͔̳̰͖͉̬̯̬̲̹̏̃͑̂̇̄͘͠ͅ ̵̨̨̙̫̟̫̦̜̙̤̙̙̪͖̯͚̒̅͛̊̋̉́̾̊̍̅̕̚̚͠͝͝͠͝ḿ̷̛͖̪̰̜̐͗̏͂̋͆̿̅͌̄̾̍̊̅͐͊̚͝͝͝͠y̷̢̢̧̡̡̛̝͕͎̦͎̰̙̯̣͔̭͉̻̾̋̈́̓̒̊̐͒̀̀͑̽̓̏̎͠ ̷̢̧̡̣͈̮̖̻̪̙̯̣̣̮̳͉̲̜̙͔͆̅͑̊͑̉̂̒̋̀̌̓͂͐̾̎̿̈́̂͊̑̓̈͘̚͝͝f̶̛̥̜͓̖̪̝̞͖̺̲̠̥͓̠̙̭͔͓̿̏̀̄̃͂̆̃͛́̇͋̓̊̍̊͋̔̽̿͋̋̕̚͝͝͠ͅͅͅl̷̡̧̦̯̦̘̬͔͚͓̞͓̱̻͓̠̪͈͉̯̪̗̖̺̯̈́͑̂̽͗͗̏͛̈̏̀͛̍̃̆̍̆̈́̑̊̉̀̚̕͜͝ͅę̶̢̡̞̬̭̤̖̞͊̂̈̎̑̔̄̐̌͝͝͝š̷̨̧̧̨̡̡̢̨̥̣̖̝̹̼̯̤͚̝̜͍̥͉̜̙̘̜̫̭̟̦̆͌́̋̐̾̂̑̕͝h̶̛̭̑͠ ̷̡̨̢̰͍͖͔͚̻̳̰͍͍̱͖͗͆͂̍͂̊̋̌̈́͊͋͊̂̎̇́͑̔͗̕͘͝ͅm̴̨̛̛͇͈̪͖̖͖̠̖̰͚͓̥̭̟̘̘̺͖̼̣̹̬̗͉̰̍̌̓̑̊͌̍̔̐̎̎̋̋̂́͝͝y̶̢̧̢̝̖̩͕̣͓̠̹̼̰͊̅̽̆̾͂̐̏́͂͋͒̈́͛̈̏͆͛̏̊̊̋̅͠ ̶̢̢͍̻͈̘̖̗̬̼̝͚͔̰̞͙̝̣͐́̀̈̔̄̿̑̀̅͐͘͘m̵̧͚̘̬̙̖̘̼̥̩̼̭̣̠̲̲͉͘͝y̸̝͕̮͔̥̻͇͇͋̾̓͗͐̈́͋̽̎̌̈́̆͛̅̇̕̕͘͝͝ ̴̢͈͕͇̤̖͊̒̈́͒̑̔͗̅͂͊̉̆̎͐͘͘m̸̧̛͎͖̱̥͈̞̭̝̞̳̤̰͎͉̮̱̳̯͇̖̗̰͕̦͖̘̂̍̆̔̌̅y̶͎̩̯͍͚̞̺͖̆̈́͋̌͜ ̷͕̼͉̺͍̠̜̏͗̅̓̉͂͗̇̎̂̈́͆̂̓̚̕͠s̷̡̛̛̬̦̣̦̲̳̟̼̦̙̙̻̻̩͔̆͐̈́̔̏̿̽̈̌͆͗͆̈́̌̋̌̊͒̉̑͆̚͝͝k̶̨̡̫̱̼̳̟̮̳̣̮̖̜̜̖̭̙͓̳̤̰̠̥͙̱̹͐̐̊̋͊̅̈́̋̈́̎̒̋͐͗̌̑̐̓͛̕͘͜͠͝͝͠ų̵̧̡̦̜͈̘͇̺̜̭̞̘͉̰̪̹͖̩̹̦̯̺̘̦̞̭̠̎͂̆̃̎̆͒͜ͅĺ̴̨̢̥̜̥͉̗͇͕̲̫̼̯̬̫͖͓̳͙̪̹͍̹̤͒͒̿ͅͅl̸̨̢̺̦̫͉̱̗̬̤͇̙̪̫̬̞̩̼̦̳͙̟͕̮̜̲̺̳̤̲̊͋̌͛͒͗͛̃̅̔̌̆̚͘͠͝ ̶̢̤̣̣͎̪̭̰̮̺̙̹̯͈̗͕͎͇̪̦͉̲͙̞͔̮̰͖̯̗̊̎̎̎̀͆͆͗̕͝b̸̧̭̣̦͓̟͎͚͉̣͙̞͖̼̳͈̱̝̈̓̉̅ľ̵̛̲̙̞͔͍̭͚̭̈́̆͆̓͛̔̅̍̾͌̍̊̆í̷̢̡̠̺̹͎͔̲̲̰̟̲̺̥͕̤͈̙̮̳͉̭̽̈̌̐̿͗͜͜s̶̨̛̺̖̣͉̈́͑͊̂͑̇͛̔̀̐̍͑̍̌̓͌̉̑̒̑̓̚ͅẗ̶̛͍̣͔̭̻̟̣̱́̅͒̄̿͛̎̄͛͋̾̂̀̐͗̿͝͠ę̵̖̠̝̻͙͚͚̞͕͙̲̱̝̖̠͔͒͜r̶̢̭͇͍̳͍͕͉̉̂̓̋̔̽͊͂̿̊̇͛̋̽̎̾͛̐̽̂̃̇̈́͋͐̚͝î̴̛̜̗͓̺̼͌̇̇̾̃̌̂̓̈́̇͗̄́͠͠͝ͅn̶̢̡͖͎͉̩̩͖̗͓̗͈̥̗͇̹͙̱̜͖̱͔̒̃̾̏͊̊̄̍̓̌̚͘͜ģ̸̳̠̫̘̹̣͕̪̺͕͔̫̟͓̙̳͈̗̜͚̱̘̣̲̓̈́̐̃̍̅̕̕̕͘͜ ̸̛̼̠̤̮̦̹̘͍͈̟͚̱̈́̃͗̾̀̓̚͜ͅs̵̢̨̧̧̡̲̼̙̤͖̱͔̻̭̯̜̤̙͇͇̰̗̺͍̊̒͊̔̈́̏͊̋̓͘̚͜͝e̸̛̱̜̯͎͖̜͂͊̋̈́͛͆̚ê̷̢̨̡̛̦͎̪̰̺̖̹̮̻̘͊̿̋͛͆͆̏̈́̉̓̊̐͊̿̇͘̕͝ͅp̷̧̧̡͍̲̗̥̼̩̩̻͖̬͖̣͚̳͎̱̗̖̻͕̆͗̈̔̏̑͘͘͜͠ͅi̴̛̛̝̙̼̙̋͊͆̐̈́̿͌̋̌̓̿̀̔̚͝͝ņ̵̛̮̮͉̻̯̳̫̬͚̪̹̼̞͐͌͊͊̈͊͘͝g̶̢͇͕͍͚͓̫̮̺͎͔͈̗̠̹͉͊̈̃̇͛͑̿̏̾̇͂͘͝͝ ̵̢̠̰̪͕̱̝̩̤͇͉̞̩̟̱̊͊́f̸̨̧̙̩̙̞̙̬̥̺̪͓̖͙̙̥̭̥͌̓̈́̽̆̏͊͑̉͑͂̀̅̃̂͌͌̂̃̏̓̓̏͋͘͘͜͝ŗ̴̦͙̯͓̣̝͇͍͇̰̘͎̥̔̋̽̍̓̑͘̚͝o̶̡̰̠͑̈̂̏̈́̊̈͗̓̔̓̐̍͌͑͌͆̓͋̚͝͝͝m̸̛͍͔̠̖̹͇̜̖̞̻͔͕̱̲͉̬̘͔̰̣̹̫̈́́͑͋͂̔̃̌͆̽́̓̽͒̓̉̒̑̍͗͜͝ ̶̢̢͎̫͔̱̻̯͔̟̮͎̤͕͈̩͍͔͈̘͙̞̈́̐̑̓͛̊̑̌̂̉̋͐̿͂͊̀̚͜͝m̸̡̯̝͔̝͇͚͔͍̪͚̤͕̏̃͊̔̆̆͌͜͜ͅỳ̵̲̖͉͖̫̼̰͍̺̰͕̣̮̤͔̘̱͚̮̅̔̈́͒͒͆̋͗̈́́͛͂ ̴̧̨̡̧͉̟̘͚͚̻͍̲͍̟͕̼̰̣̬̯͇̟̥̰̼̻̾̈͋͐͜͠g̷̡̧̧͔̦̜̺̙̥̝͔̩̠̖̮̜͎̥̹̈́̒̋͜ͅu̸͇̻̙̩͙̠͇̇̽͆͋̄̽͆̑̌̓̒̐̓̆͊̃͑̅̽̈́̇̍̏̇͘͘̕͜͠m̴̨̝̝͔͈̣̹̘̹̓͑͆̓̈́̏̓͝ş̶̡̣͇͍̩̯͇̬̺̮͍͇̘͚̲̳̠͐͂̾̔̈́͆̌̒̈́̑͋͐̀͌̾͐̒͊͘̚̚͜͠ ̵̡̭̪͉̲̱̯̬̤͉̪͚͕͕͓͓͙̂̎̑̉̐̃̀͐͐̈̒̕̚͜͝͝͝t̶̡̲̦͎̲̥̬͍̩̻͎͔̯̩͖͇͚̝̙̦̗͔̤͓͖͍̥̓̓͒̕͜ḩ̶̨̧̡̧̺̭̭͓͎̖̼̦̟͔̮̦͙̦͈̬̖̝̌̋͋̒͑͑́̓̍͛͜ḛ̴̲͔͖̭̰̰͈̺̯̹̺̗̪̳̫̣̥̠̯̽͋͑͝ͅ ̴̹̗͚͕̲̠͓̪̈́͊͂́̍̂͐̿̎̐̈́̌š̸̪̰̬͕̲̥͖͕̬̫͎͖̻̾̋̑̓̕̚͜ḱ̶̰͚͚͙̱̥͍i̸̧̡̡̳͔̟̫͕̬̙͕̞̩̲̺̻̩̍̌͆͑̚̚ͅn̶̛̛̺͖̠̽͊͛̎̇̾̈́͂͆͋̌̏͂̈́͂̿̓͊͛̓̚͘̕͝͠͝ ̸̧̛̛͙̣͖̤͇͕̺͊̓͊̂͒̄̉̇͗̓̌̑̓̌̏̆̈́̾̅̎̾̕̚͠b̸̢̢̨̛͉̰̼̟̫̗͚̙͓̼͎͓̻͔̖͚͖̜̹͓̥̄͑̿̃̿͘͜͜͝͝ȩ̸̛̛̦̺̩̬̘̲̖̫̥̲̜̻̯̥̠̠̀́̈́̔̓̏̒̽̿̉̃̉͊̄̅͊͛̃̕̕͘̕͠t̶̢̗̮͔̼̖͕̼̱̞̗͕̥̓̈́̐̓̄̆̓͛͑̅̆̉͘͘͠͝w̶̧̨̜̤͔̩̝̫̗͖̥̗̘̰̻̮͐̈́̓̐̽̓̊͐̿̄͊̚͠ē̴̢̤̯͉͔̠̝̪̣̰̦̤̪̲̲͖̬̜̮̳͕̣̞̘͛̃̌́̈́͌̋̓͛͗̕͜͜͝ę̶̩̦̜̗̖̼͙͇̥̘͈̰̰̉͌̎̒͗̾̔̀̓̏̓͗͛̎̿͐̇̈́͒̈͑̈́̔̏̈́͑̕͜͝͠ņ̸̧̣̭̥̦̻͔͇̱͓̻͎̯̪͚̪̥̱̘̹̟̻̰͚̏̽͆̓̀̂͌̈́͂̉̀̍̇̂̚ ̷͉̌̎͆̋̉͑̅̂͆̅̈́̏͑̎̂́͆̏͛̏̀̚͘͠͝͝m̵̢͚̻̠̘̮̥̱͈̺̥̳̆̃̑ͅy̵̛̛̭͈̗̌͌͂́͋͋̈́̾̈́̆̋͋̒̾̅̾͋̐̈́̕̚͘͠͝ ̴̛̣̜̈́̾͋̏̅̓̄͊̿̋̔̊͊̿̏̽̒͘͠͝t̸̛̼̪̤̦͇̞͙̭̺̅̈́̀͂̐̉̋͌̄̎̀̓̇̊̀̂͗͌͛̓͝ơ̵̯͕͈̼̠̤̐̓͒̅͐̌̈̈́̇̾̂̂͛̅͊̊̂̐̌̍̕̚̚͠͝ě̶̡̛̬̙͚̽̏̅̑͐͊͒̂̏͌̂͂̾͌̽̎̚̚͝͝s̵̢̛͔̝̦̦̞̣̦͎̜̳̹̫͛͂̓̒̾̂̏̈́̓̔͐͐͐̽̈́̊̈́͌̚̕̕̚ͅ ̷̢͓̯͚̮̖͍͉͔̟̬͎̤͙̖̱̦̜̯̻͎̙͖̗̹̬̉͒̃͜͜r̷̛̛̩̦͚̀̿̈́́̿͆̍̆̔͂̾̇̀̾̽̓̊̕͝ị̵̡̥͇̘̹̣̦͙͈̦̜̈́͂͆̔̐̌͐̀͐̎̅͂̂̆̃̀̊͝ͅp̴̧̧̩͓̜̭̫̰̣͙̖͕̯̥͉̊̆̈́͆̅̚̚͜p̶̨̻̰̫̥͇̱͕͖̬̗̤̺̞̎̂͊̈́͛͐̈́ͅę̵̨̢̡͓̹͖͖͈̭̰̻͉͚̥͈̩̱̺̪͓̗͐͒́̄̅̌̆̚͜͜d̸̡̨̨̛̬̝̣̻̲̪̭̺̥̗̣̙͇̭͎͇̣̠̮̳͓͙̬̣̘̠̄͗́̓͌̿̋̈́̋̂͒̆̉͂͆̊͘̚̕ ̷̗̞͉͙̹̹̾͒͐̅̈́̅̓̎͋̿͛̓͛̒͆̔̎̒͝t̵̢̩͇̙͈͇͕͇̖̹̹̠̦̪̰̉̓̏̅̎͒̈́̌̓̓̐̈́͊͆̓͗̏ͅͅͅͅh̸̙̮̰̼̠͉̠̘̝̫̮͚̩̲̼̭̣̫̫́̾͑͗̑̚e̵̢̨̨͚͓̫͚͇̙̥͙̜̖͇̣͍̗̩͕͕͉̗̘̦͕̖̩̼͛͝ͅ ̸̡̛̲̟̻̣̠̓̈̈́͐̈́̇͐̃̑̽͋̏̊͂̈́̌̀͑̐͌̂̊͊͒̋͊h̵̬͋̑̊̌̋ạ̷̡̧̟̻͙̹̳͍͔̼͓̗̯̬̝͔̘̫̙͉̮̇̓̈́̾̏͐̀͒̀̇͌͘ͅi̵̡̡̧̘̙̘̼̞̬̣̺̺̣̳̳̺̝̤̭̻̼̥̘̲̔͂̀͂͂̅͒̓̒̌̈̀̎̏̚͜͜͠͝͝r̸̢̫͖͓̖̺̮̟̬͉̙̥̤̩͇̳̀̀̑̓͊̽̍̌̎̕͝ͅͅ ̶̨̡̡̢̨̛̛̣̝͔͓̩̟͍͇̬͔̘͙̥̖̮̘̬̗̤̜̮̲͈̈́̐̋͒̒̽͒̾̅̓̄̇́͘͠m̷̨̡̢̡̘͉͚̥͖̮̯̫̝̳̻̗̱̤͓̘͙͇̙͎̆͒̌̉̎̋̈́̈́̅̒̍͊̿̄͊̔͌̿̿̅͛͜͝͠ͅy̷͔̣͙̫̣̠̥͎̠̖̠̱̋̉͆͗͜ ̴̨̧̝̝̗̼̠̭̻̻͔̹̱̦̜̳̖̘͍̗͓̯̳̪͙̟̄̓̑̿̏̈́͐̿̾͒̊̂̊̌̋͆͒̈́͛̕͠͝f̵̧̫̺̱̙͚̗͓̞̱̻̼̝̘͍͚̫͖͓̬̭̬̤̤̘͓͊̾͆̐̆̓̑̅̕̕ͅͅl̷̢̢̢̢͔͇̙͕͓̻͙̰̺̣͋̄̒̄͛̎̈́̾̈́͜ȩ̴̧̭̙͉̝̼̜̠̥̭̤̬̩̦̗̜̗̪̤͍̘̣͂̉̓̒͆̿̿͂͆͑̈̔̇͌̍͗̑͐̋́̍̈́̒̒̚ͅş̸̟̞̳̱̩̞̬̦͙̗̜̹̗̳̼̓̈́̍͜͜ͅh̴̛͍̬̱̦̥̤̠͍̺͙̜̰̣͉̥͚̫͎̅̆́́́̌̉̈́̈́͌̓͛͌̓͗̃͐͘̕͘͝͝ ̴̢͎͉͔̼̯̦̹̐̓̏̈́̏̅̅̄̍͊́̇̆̓̇̐͒̂͌̔̓̚͘͠͝͠t̵̡̳̱͖̖̜̜͙̺̲̩͍̰͔͖̖̩̔̒̈́̐͊͗͌̿̑̓̅͊̇̐͗͋́̕̚͠ͅḩ̴̡͓̦̫͓̼͍̩̼̱̘̜̫͕̲̩̼̭̖̹̙͉̞̪͚̥͖̗͓̑̇̅̃̾͆̊͒͑͌̈́̏̊̈́̍̓͝ê̶̠͓͎̦̫͔͖͉̘͈̺̱̭̙̟̙̬̻̬̤̫̦̼͂̽͌̓̂̐̿̔̒͆͜͝ͅ ̴̡̛̤̱͖̙̣͇̞͈͚͔̱̱̣̹̂͗̒̍̊̄͗̇̈́̈́̿͗͒́̍̈́͊̄͌̓̕͝͠p̶̠̹̬̗̗̥̯̑ͅa̸̛̔̀͑͋̽͂̋͘͝ͅį̵̢͕͎̣̜̲̖̭̬̞̜̘̮̖̪͈̰̲͍̹̮̋͆͑̍̌̈͗̽͌̓̂̀̔͆͐͠n̵̡̡̛͈̦̺͍̫̜̗͎̠̘͍̜͍̬̪̯͕̈́̈́̽̀̉̔̈̉̊͊͛̅̓̂̓͐̓̓̿͂̎̉̍̉̚͝ͅ ̷̢̧̡̨̛̙̼̫̟̮̠͕̱̫̻̲̥̟̝̜̬̠͍̬̱̣͕͂̌̈́͌̊͠i̸͈͙̘̠͇̭͈̜̟̖̪̯̠̺͖̘͔̞̩̘̞͚̖̾͐́͐͛̂͛̓͌̇̽̈̃̈́̔̿͘̚͘͠͝͝͠ͅ ̷̨̢̡̠̮͔̬̹͙͎̝̯͇͙͎̻͊̓͛̍͌͌̋͌̓͑̑̂̐̒̋̈̇͑͘͝h̷̢̼̼̲̳͎̤̭͔͖̱̪̭̺̏͛̎̐̀̉͐̆̂̓̏̄̓͛̇͐̽̍̄̕͘̕͝͠ͅę̸̢̡̨̡̛̟̬̜̟̳̰̩͚͚̺͖͕͈̼̼͕̭̯͚̘̭̆͛̐͊̏̊̈̓̑͑͗̏̒̐̆̓͊̀͐̚̚͠͝͠a̴̢̝͔̤̪̬͙͉̐̂̅̿̒̒̑̋̏̓̐͌͆̇̽̎͑̃̏̈́͒̈́̃̉̚̚͝ͅr̶̡̨̨̥͈͓̩̜͉̣͕̺̹̜̙̦͉̜͕̜̻̘̊̇̀̈͋̀̋͐͋͜͜ ̴̡̬̙͔̣̱̳͖͇̬̩͖͙̥̻̘̬͉̤͓͈̳̿̅͂̊́͂͋̍̐͂̉̿̂̈́̇̓̅̐̑̎̿̚i̴̛̺̟̼͍͍͒̇͆͆̽͗̃̾͂͑̇̂̓̓͌̏̾̾̎͌͘̕͝͝͝͠ţ̵̢̛̼̱̲̙͖͓̦̙͔̦̗̱͎̄̇̏͐̊̈́͗͒̑̒̈̈́̚͜͝ ̴̡̢̨̨̫͓̣̟̫̫̯̜͔̥̲͉̭̻̜̬̫͉̰̿̈́̓̅͋̓̐͊͗̂̈̌͆̓̀͊͘̕͜͜͜͝͠ͅa̶̗̜̜̺̺̤̙̪͖̩̩̟̫̰̦̱̣̫̻̭͎̰̽̿͑̄̋̈́͂͗͝ͅl̷̨̢͎̟͇͔͇̰̄̊̈́̈́̆̍͒̇̈͛̉͊͐͛̃̊͌̍̑̊̈́̏̊̓̏̓̃̕w̸̧̡̞̳͈̗̋̎̅̒͒̓̏̂͌a̶̛͔̞͊́̽̔͊̌͐̈́̅̍̊͆̓̐̑͐̑͆̃̈̚̕͘̕͝͝ẏ̸̡̨͍̹̰̤̳̱̙͔͈̙͈̱͈̩̞̟͓̣̣̝̦͕̺̳͌̽̈́͒̎̉͌̑̉̑͌̕s̶͖̬̲̾̈́͂̏̽̎̓͐̂͊͊̋͘͝͝ ̵̨̬̼̮͈̩̤̒̓̉͆͛͐̓̿̽͛̈͘̚̕͝͝͝c̵̡̰̱̜̞̪͔̜̱̰̫̱̟͙̙̩̘̠̥̫̩̬͔͛͑̎͑͜͠o̴̲͓̬͂̇̈́̌͗͑̔̐̐̃͌̈́͒̕͠m̵̢̢̏̈̓̓̋̏̀͌͒͂̿̈́̐̓̿͘͜ĭ̶̧̻̜̪͎̰̰̖̘̳̰͜ň̴̬̟̙̼͋͑̔̏̉̋͂͌̒̆̇̍̅̋̐̌̓͘g̵̛̺̼̮̱̫̝̟̐͊̀̓̓̊̿̒̃̿͐̈́̓̚ ̵̢̡̱̩̮̳̟̝͈̳̮͙̜͉̣͈̟͔̩̙̬̫͈̙̺̣̯̓͂͗̀̆̽̾̀̾̂͘͘̚͜͝a̴̛͔̤̹͓̗̳͔̅́̋͐͐̓̆͒̅͑̉̽̅́̔̂̓̎̀͑͊̀͗̕̚ͅļ̵̨͎͖͍͚̮͓̓͗̄̂̉͋̒͊͑̆̃͘w̷̢̹̗̰̩̟͉̝̖̝̳̹̲͎̲̳̤̬͆͂̐̊̿͊̊̉̉͂̕̕͝͠͝ͅa̶̢̧̪̯̞̳͇̲̱͇̙̝͊̐̐̋̈̀͛y̷̨͕̭̤̖̻̯̥̬̗̳̪͉̟̯͎̦͙̋̈́́͌̐̾̆͛̄̈́̊̀̃̃͘͜ş̴̜̝̬̯̱̻͖̤̤͚̐̽̀̽̓̊̚͜͜͝͝ͅͅ ̷̨̧̳͓̲͙̰͇̤͎͍̭̹̫̺̽̿͜ḁ̵̳͍̲̗͐̄́͊͛̂̽̔̉̇̔̈́͊͌̆͆̄̔͠n̷̤̟̭̣͚̰͙̺̳̬̜̪͇̱̳͉̈́͐̒̎̉̿̊̑͋͊̃̾̍̑̒̔̚̚d̸̨̨̡̢̼͔͖̥̺̖̭̞͔̮̹͎̦̝̋̆̂̐̿̒͆̎́̈̕͜͠ ̴̡̢̨̡̛̼̩̭̯̯̼̥͕͕̰̼̘̥͇̟̠̙̞̬̺̦͕̺̃̅̈̌̃̀̍̐̃͛̎̅͂̂̐́̓͐̽͆́͑̈́̒͊̕ả̶̢̦͉͎̦͖̗͉͈̹̳̪̖͋̂̏͂͝͠ͅͅl̸̢̨̢̰͎̖̖̙̖͙͉̲̮̘̜̪̹̙̹̾̐̃͆̈́́̾̊̓͊̾͌͌̎̓͌̽̈͐̌͆͛͐̊͘͝͠w̵̞͇̆͑̌̓̌̋͆̈́͊̈́̔̉̚͘͝͠ä̴̛͇̺̳͓̲͍̬͙͎̮͔́̆̈́̒̃̌̂͆̍͑́͐͋̐͂̄̓͑̄̋̐͐̒̋͒̿́̕̕ͅy̶̨̧̢̻̹̮̦̰̗̥̗͎̮̱̪̣̙͇̺̣̹͍̅͑ͅṡ̵̙̦̞̭̳͙̩̳̤̪͍̩̪̐̔͛̂̿ ̶̡̡̢̨̛̪̟̠̳͔̳̻̰̬̺̦̦̦̖̼̲̘̦̜͗̑̄̇͆͛a̸̡̟̱͈͓͕̼͖͚̺͕̤̜̰̣̣̦̙̦͈͉̹̫͔̞̅ñ̵̨̨͚̮̯̘̟͌̓̇̃̀̽̄͑̔̈́̈́̓̕̚̚͘͠d̴̛̛̲̠̽̎͂͒̄̃̑̅̍͂̎͂̍͛̈̄́̈́͘͘̕͝ ̸̛̤̭̹̐͋̃͆͑̂̊̅̔̾̈̆͋̏̿͛̉͋̉̌̊̚͠͝ą̶̡̡̧̢̡̛̰̲͔͈̘͈͇̬͉̗̻̹͈͇̞̲͎͍͇̰̪̼͑̔͋̔̈́̿̍̎͐̂͒̊͆̐̔̔̎́͂͑͜͠͝ͅļ̴̨̨̢̻̫͔͓̮̟̻͚̬̮̖͍̦͙̯͚͚̈́͒͠w̵̛̭͈̹̞̝̯̰̯͓̺̠͇͚͓̟̮̺̮̣̋̃́͂̆͂͊̔̂͊̌͐̄̍̈́͌̾͘͜͜͠͝͝a̴̢̞̤̮̬͈̥͙̲͍͇͓̹̩̝̝̞̳̰͇͖̹͑̐́̈̑̿͋̋͒̈́̈͛̚y̷̡̰̼̘̙̙̞͕͉̯̘͕̞̋̎̀̎̈́͒̏̒͆̓̒̃̚͠ŝ̸̢̛͖͙̤̥̗̠̬̟̗͈̗̩̭͚̩̣̦̳̺̐́̅́̃̓͜͝ͅ
9̴ ̵1̷ ̷9̵:̷1̵ ̶9̸ ̵p̸m̷
j̶̮̤̻̜̘̟̝̫̤̘̮̖̣̞̪̘͇̹͖͎͖͓̰͎͚̼̩̜̫̦̿͊̾̅̒̈ͅͅ’̶̡̢̢̢͎̰̘̭̞̤̤̠̦͖͉̹͈͙̺̱̫̟̲̙̪̳̗̺͇̔͛̽̃͗͂̓̂̀͘͜͜ͅͅá̷̡̧̼̝̲̣̱̺̫̲̪͉͖̹̫̗͕͂̽̅̋̊͂̑͋̎̈́͑̆̏̀̈́̄͌̓̍̄̕̕͘͘͜͜͝͠͝t̶̨͉̫̗̝͎̞̺̲̹̯̩̠͕̭͓͉̹͍̪̐͗̃͜ͅţ̶̱͕̫̤͓̖̪̭̿͛̆̈́͐̂͋́͊͐̏̃̅̀̑̄̂̾͑͘͠͠ę̸̧͍͉̝̬̉̉͒̄̄̈̉̓͗̓͊͗͆͌͑̚n̶̹̻͇̖̯͎͒͂͑̏̏̾̾̽̊̑̑̿̓̅̕̕̚͝d̵̡̹̲̗͇̮̺̭̥͇̬̦̀̾̾̾̌̿̆͌̽͐̑͒̽̎͂͗̅͝͠s̵̙̏̾͊͐́̈́̕͝ ̴̛͇̝͈͓̪̙͉͔̬̫̥̭̗̺̰̘̳͚͍̝̯̣̗̟͚̼͕̪̫̞̻̩̅̒̉̈́͛͆̒͛̀̄̋͆̅͋̅̑̃̂̄̆̉͋́́̕͘͝͝ľ̸̨̡̛̟̘̝͚̻̜̯̞͔̭̹̹̩̗̮͕̯̩̪͖̭̖̦̲͓̞̲̭͖͋̈́̏̈͑̈́͑͐̄͒̍̓͗̎̊͊͘͝͝’̵̨̢̛͔̫̣̮͍͍̭̘̝̠̝͈̟͚̲͙̠͚̅͂͂̓̂̍̒̐͐̔̍̅͑̈͛̈́̍̎̌͒͒́̚̕̚ȧ̸̢̡̡̢̛͈̙͙̹̯̲̙̤̖̣̥̩̠̘̠̟͍̞̲͉̻͈͕̪͈͓̎͊͜͜ͅn̵̲̼͎͖̭̘̰̎̿͒̓͊̓̅́̀͊͆̅̏̾͑̍̊͒͘̕̕g̶̡̧̧̠͇̠̬̫̯̬͖̞͚͈͍͕̏̑͛̓̌̐̾͗̿̅̽́̊͜͝o̶̢͇͔̼̹͎͉̬̐̈́̉̌̕͜͝i̵̳͐͐̄͌̾͌͑̃̆̓̇̾͋͋͌̃̈́͐̂̈́̌͑̐̐̿̒͠͝͝͝ş̸̫̟̗̬̪̯̲̞͓̈́̔̐̈́͂͛̇́͂͛̋̌̌̏̿̈́̈́̇͋́͗̀̾͠͠ṡ̸̢̡̡͚͔̗̹̺̹̮̬͉͙̝̰͔͓̬̻͉̭̣̰̙̩͓͔̭̇͋͂̇̓̅̈́̇̋̐̌͐̔̎͗̄̐̃͗̕̚͠͠ͅͅȩ̸͖͈̹̖͕̜̪̟͍̘̯̣̜̦̯͍͎͎̰̝̟̥̩̥̦̰̥͓̟̥͗̏͊͊̇̈̇̅̾͐͜͠͝͝͝ ̴̢̡̡̧͓͎̘̫̹̹̘̟̹͎̗̮̥̳͚̲̗̜͕͔̤̠̍̀͂̐͊̓̌͜e̶͎̻̫̙͊͊͗̋̐̌̎͌̊̄̇̉̽̔͒̆͆͋̀̃̏̎͂͐̽͌̚̕̕̕͠͝͝l̷̡̢̛̟͉̪̗̖͈͕͎̫͎͖̹͔̫͍͔̗̪̹̣̹͒̓̃͂̓̽͛̄̓l̴͇̖̲̺͈̱̩̲̤̙͈͚̤̩̳̏̑̈́͌̿̽̈̂̎̀̂̋̔͒̌͐̃̕ͅe̴̡̧̨̛̻̟̠̳͈͈̼͓̩͚̼̝͇̭̤̥̙̥͕̦̳̩̲͎̝̿͑͗͗̐̾̋͑͑̀͑͐̾̑̆̀̉̚̚͜͠͝͠ͅ ̸̨̨̛̤̳̗̯̫̬͍͉͕͈̭̰̜̦͖͉̲̣̙̥̩́̆̈́͋͋͗̔̈́̄͂͐͑̚̚̚̚m̸̢̨̢̛̰̙̤̩̬̹̝̗͉͔̲̩̱͔̭̟̻̣̘̮̮̙̦̫̭͚͒̃͝ē̶̦̤̗̲̹̺͇̈̔̏͐͛͆͐̈́̇̓́̚̕͜͠ͅ ̶̧̱̗̤͈͖̟̰͖̤͇̠̲̼̟̠̠̓́͗̎͂̌̒̄̈͛͂̃̈́̃͛͂̆͒̃̍̈́͊̿̒͘̕͘͝͝v̷̧̛̹̹͈̮̗̞̖̳̜̰̭̖̱̱̱͕͍̫̞̝̹̦̩̗͍̜̖̯͛̃̂͌̏̐̈́͊̎͗̅͘̕͝͝i̶̖̠͖̯̬̮͛̋̂̉̂̋̋̉̈́͑̀̈́̕̕͘̕e̶͕̲̭̬͍̩͈̱̗̰̦̭͍̩̺̲̼̹̓̂̇͆̑̇̈́̏̑̄̇̈́̌̿̐͊̈̇̑͒̅͑͘͝n̷̨̖̤͓̼̠̫̲͚͎̝̝̯̣̠̣͓̳̫̪̗̒͜͝ẗ̸͈̙̮̯̜̥̫̼͌́̌͒̈́ ̸̧̡͓̖̣͉̳̬̟̰͙͉͉͔͛̉̿̏̍ë̵̹̟̳̗͌̓̐̀̀́̔̎͋͐̿̉͝ḷ̵̛̛͇̥͎͉̮͉̟̤͍̝̩̖̝̺͍̙͇̜͈̤̠̗̓̒͋͒̎͛͑̄̂́͂̂̎̆̀͊̇͆̆̈͂͊̈́̕̕͜͝͝͝ͅl̸̢̛̜͍̟̯͍̤̼͍̹̝̤̝̰͔̰̯͚̘͈͖̞͆͆͗̃̌̐̉̎̏̅̓̒̿̆̉̉̍͒̄͑͗̎̈͒̚͠e̸̛͔͙͈̮̮̞̗̲̼̞̞̤̥̯͂̌̂̓̈́͛͂̃͆̏͘̕͘ͅͅ ̸̡̡̨̝̭̯̦̻̙͍̻͓̙̫̼͍̪̦̤͔͓͓̙͖̀͌̉̂͂̿̓̑͆̐̈́̿̈́̈̓̄͒̋́̕͜͜͠͝͝͝m̴̢̢͙͎͍̳̪̟͇͕͕̺̩̠̠͎̪͉̯̱̀̿̂̇̔̒͜ḙ̷̢̢̳̖̺͕͕̆̚͜͜ ̵̧̨̧̲̯̟̙̰̪̦̱̦̣͕̝̥̖̼͈̭̖̈́̓̌̆̉̋͜͝ͅv̷̧̭̼͔̰̱̹̱̭̼̣̠͆̈́̌̒̉̔̏͑i̷̢̛̙̹̮̞̗̤̐̽̈́͆̄̀̓̇̅̇̈̓̈́͘͠͠e̵̦̲͙̟̹̮̩̹͎͓̮͕̹̯̜̞̙͔̣̱͇͇͛̓͛͌͌͒͑̉͊͂̅̓͜͝͝ͅṋ̵̛̗̀͊̋̇̆̅͛̽͗̌́̑͒͑͆̅̈́͊͊͆͘͘͠d̴̢̦͐͒͑̾̂͌̒̐͋̏̚͘̕͝͝͝r̵̢̢͍̫̝̤̬̼͇͕̭̥͉̞͍̣͚͈͉̙͖̼̜͇̈́̈́̆͗͆̏͂͘̕̕̕̚͜͝a̶̡̨͕̙̱̮̗̪̲͙̻̱̥̻͔̯͖̪̮͈͇̟̖̟̙͈͕̘̹̳̭͙̦̒̈́̓̊̈́͝ ̶̧̳̣̖̞̘͙̤̞̯͙̻͈̖͓͉̰͖̟̜̖̩͇̐̅̔͑̐͌̈̈͑̋̅̔̔͂̒̋̎͜͝p̵̨̱̼̯̖͓̮̙̿͗̈́̆͋̇͊͗͗̚͠͝͝͝ơ̸̧̨̛̲̤̲͇̖̗̠̬̫̺̮͙̈͛̐̇͊̉̈́͊̐̆̐͘̕͝͠͝ŭ̶̧̢̨̡̖̺̲͇̝͇͙͈̰͈̜͈͉͚͖̯̜̠͖͜͝r̵̞̄̓͒̓̓́̓͐̐͆̚ ̷̨̢̡̛̝̞̩̞̗̻͙̝̻̤̜̫͎̩̼̱̤̜͎͉͛t̵̝̤̩͔̝̜̼͙͉̺̰̣͌͗̎͛̃̿͛̒̋̑̓͋̽̑̓̓̿̈̽͐͆̿̈͘̕͝͝͠ǫ̵͇̗͖̖͊̌̉̃͐̒͆͐̃̂̍̌̈́͐ů̶̧̡̡̡̖̯̗̮͖͎͓͍͙̮̱̺͈͎̯͍͈̲̙̙̹̗̻̠̰̹̯͜ͅj̷̡̎̍̍͊̐̽̐̽͌ö̴̢̨̧̡̨̱̘̬̯̲͚̖̣͕̳̲̼̞̰̙̼̯̝̬͍͇͉̹̻̝̬͕́̔̂̓̽̀̌̿͆̕̕̚̕͝͝ͅu̴̡̢̝̠̠̩͖̤̟̳̖̱̞̟̳̤̩̲̪͕͎̫͉̻̼͎̿̍̇̀̈́͐̋͐̈̒̋͑̀̾͗̃̾͂̈̄̓͆͊̚͜͠͝͝͠͝͝͝r̷̢̢̧̡̩̫͈͉̪̣͈̩̘̭̤̭̮̭͇̗͚̲̼̫̮̲͉̖̻̱̒͜s̶̢̠̲͖͍̱̝̖̣̱̦͍̖̜̔͑͑̀̈́͒̾̈́̈́͗̎͊̇̔̕̚͝ ̸̡̱̲͙̖̳̞̠̤̦̺͓̣̙̘͗̃̈́̈́̉̓͌̈́͂̑̓̀̿͒͑̈́͂̊̍͌̊̈́̑̐̇l̴̨̡̧̛̘͇̫̼̰͚̞̻̫̩̯̺̺̤͉͍̝͇̠̦̝̟̯̂͐̉̆̉̄̐̔̇̓͋̓̊̿͒͊̇̚ͅa̴̡͚̬̲̦̖͙̪̪͙͕̗̼͉̠͇͇͓̱̣̦͔̯̗̱̘̭͕̖̱͐ͅ ̴̧̛̛̝̥̞̯̣͔͍̪̟̬͚̜̯̝̼̔̇̍̿͊̏̈̍̑͊͂̊̽̽̍̓̆̽̿͛̒̾̅͐d̷̡̡̧̢̡͈̖̪͎̹̖̦͈̤͚͓̼͎̺͔̘̲̰̩͉̭͕͕̉̇̎͑͊̈̿̋̾̄͒̑͗̄̋͝͠o̸̢͍̟̪̯̰͍̪͈̘̼̲̫̤͉̣̣͔̯͑̈́͌̒̕ữ̴̧͕͕̘͖̬̠̻̭̹̯̮͈̘̗̝̪̪̠̓͌̅̓͊͐͗̈́̽̌̇͊̆͐̈́̔̽̔̂̕̕͝͝ͅl̸̢̡̛̛̥̮͈̰̲̤̮̙̳̐̅̊̋̂̈́̾̿̏̏͗̓̽̊̂̒̏̇̅̍͗͛̿̓̇̈̚͜͝͠͝ẹ̵͍̊͑̆͑̈́͛̚ṷ̷̡̻̼̥̹̜̫̩̘̫̱͚̗̳̙̳̖͎̦̅̿͒̅̌̔r̸̳͈̞͑͐̈̂̊͌̑̇̈͂̄̊͒̃̓̃͗̄̊̚͜͠͠ ̸̛̖̂͋̌͊͆̂͒̉̿̀͛͛̒̈̎̃̌̈̉́͐̊̀͘͠͝͝͠m̸̧̗̤̝̤̟͇̑́͛̓͑͑̋̓̑͂͒̍̄̚͘͘͝ͅa̶̡̢̘̼̼͚͈̩̜̣̗̺͔͓̘̣̜̼̮͙̠̭͙̭͆̓̀̀̒̄͊͐̚ ̷̯͌̉̑̊̃̿̌́͑̈̀̇͐̐̉̈́̀̋̀̍͛̄̚f̸̦̰̥̻̐͠a̵̡̧̛̬̲̭̯̣̮̝̪̬̣͍̘͇̖͉̳̳͒̿͗̊̿̓̅͋̏̓͑̔̌̈͐͂̐̓̎͊̈̐̈́́͘͝ȋ̴̡̀̒̊̆̕͠b̶͎̦̪͔̰̌͊̋̓͌̄̋̑̌̆̾̓̃͛̄̿̕͠͝͝͠l̷̡̧̪̙̜̘̥̩̱̹̫̟͉̩̤͉̤͈̪̳̝̞̜͎͕̝̦͎̽̈́̓̃̃́͐͜͝e̴̦̎͛̂̉̎͐̔̃̆͝͠͝s̷͎̰̈́̎̅̉͛͆͋͠͝s̴̢̢͇̤̫͔͓̝͎̪̣̯̮͔̞̱̯͕̱̲̮̭̗̙̼̹̼̠̠̳͛́͆̾̾̔͆̿̑̍͜͠e̶̢̢͖͚̣̘͖͈̯͚̦̪̖̺̦͚̞̤̞̹̖̪̰̊̌̏̊̍̇̾̃̇̅̽̓̅̈́̃̈́̓̓͗̽̃̔̋͐̃̚͘͠ͅ ̴̢̹̩̤͓̪͇̗̔͛̄̇̇̑́͛̅̍́̋̈́̆̏͘͘j̸̧̨͇̻̲̻̯̭̥̪͍̲͓͕̰͓͍̝͎͔͉̼̮̹̖͕̲̐̅̇̈́̈́̋͆̈́̏̅͗̊̚̚͝͝ͅe̴͕̱̺̽͗͑̏ ̴̨̡̨̡̢̢̧̰̙͉͙̳̭̞͖̥̗̻̙̠̗̬͙̟͍̟̉́ͅt̵̨̨̡̨̤̟̥̰̼͉̖̘̹̥̼̺̭͖̓̋͆͗̎̑̃̋̅̀̉̋̊͋̓͒̍͠͝͠ơ̶̡̨̡̬͔̪̱̖̞̹̺͇̫̰͚͔̦̲̲͙͉̺͚̰̳̯̲̯̰͎̑̃̎͌͊̅͆̈̃̂̀̑͑̋͐̂͒̾̔̅͆͂̐̎̈́͑͘͝͝ͅm̴̱̤͇͐͋͂͂̒̾̾̓̂̑̕͠b̵̨̛͈͕̘̤͑̽̊̅̑̈́̓̆͗̎͝ȩ̴͚̫͉̞̱͈̩̥̳͍̱̳͙̟̽̇̅̔̒̂̂̾͌̋̆͗͂̔̈́̒͗͝ ̸̢̧̨̢̝̪̳͙̥̬̭̞̤̻̯͎̹̭̬̲̻̣̻̫͖͙͇̩̏̕͜ͅṡ̶̞̖̖͕̬̟̤͕̫͈͇͎̘͙̩̯͉̮̤̽̄̾̿͐͘͘ṷ̸̧͈̦͔̺̺͉͐̈̒̇̍̐̑̓͌͐͋͜͝r̶̢̧̡͈̤͍̳̙̺͙̺̰͈̳̫͉͍͎̟͚̩̬̎̅̒̑͒̿̽̌͊̋̋̒̉̽̓͌͗̽͑̋̉͘̕͜͝͝ ̴̢̨̯̱̯͖͎͙͕̯̂̈́̍̃͘͜l̷̞̬̱̩͔̙͓͈͍̙̪͔̲̱̗͎̭̠̲̟̭̳͖̦̈́̃̍̃͗̈̀͂̊̃̔̽̑̌͌͋̽̇̇̅͐̈́͜͜ͅȩ̴̛̱̺͖̲͍̤͖̗͚͖͕̰̘͕͕͍̃̈́̑̈́̂͂̍͆̽͂͐̓̽̍̽͂͌̽̇̒̾̕̚͜͝ͅs̴̻̎͋̿̈́͒̈́͗̕ ̸͉̹͔͈̫̜̤͔̪̼̜̤͚̼̺͚̙̮̞̤̯̞̞̱̹̮͒̍͜͜͜ͅͅl̶̝̬͖̠͓̦̙̻̥̲̭̤̙͚͔̣̘͙̼̳̂̅̿͘͠ą̵̮̱̠͇̦̹̟̦̳̳͍̹̝̹̜͉̳̖̙̯̎͆̎̆́̈́̈͋̂̾͜ͅm̴̢̧̨̧̝̟̼̰̗̲̻̼͎̼̮̟̪̬̞͙̟͉͇̙̹͓͚̑̉̂̾̑̔̇̈́͛͐̎̾͌̍͂̊́͛̈́̉̀̕ḕ̶̪̬͖̤͖̟͍͌̈́̂̋̎̽͜͜͠s̴̡̘͍̞̦͍̟̎̇̎̂̆̀̈́͒̑͒̈́̆͌͂͊̀̒̐͌͌̂͑̕̕͠ ̸̙͙͍̲͚̮̣̮̙̫̲̣̝̑̓̈́̋̔̅̊̉̎̑̅̅͐̽̒̓̃̿̀͜͝é̸̡̹̪̗̮̟̦̪͎̾̄͑̐̈́͌̾̃̎̔̉̒͆͊̅̈̄̈́̄̈́̾̈́͊̿͘͠͝ͅt̴̯͈̖̺̣̣͙̠̗̥͈̝͔̤̼͔͖͉̮̙͍͔͓̬̙̼̼͈͙̂̏̅̐̈́̋̾̀̈́̓̐̓̒̔̀͛̔͋̽̍̏̆̏̓̋̀̂͊̾̽͘͠i̶̢̛̮͖͎͚̪̫͍̩̟̤͈̠̲̥̥̣͙̲̙͓̪̱͕̦̖̹̭̼͍͓̽͒̏̐̒͋̿̎̈̌̓̑̓̕͝ͅṋ̷̨̝͚̰̩̬͇̺͈̜͚̟̱͓͉̭̳͉̦̲̩̬͍̟̲͐͒̑̒̈́͠͠c̴͈̰̮̩̯̗̦̞͓͇̫̗̠̫̗̮̬̺̺̺͑̈́̔̃͊̅̿̋͛͋̔e̸̘̻̼̮̖̬͓͎̅̄͛̒͊̋̓̀̈̓͆̋̍̓̂̈́̋͒͗̿̈́̏͛̇̂͂̏̚͝͝l̵̢̫̼̣̦̼̟͚͚̝̺̺͕̃̆̂͐͐̇͊͂̄̈̆̑̏͂̓̆͑̍͐̏͌̌͐͝͠͠a̸̧̧̬̟͍͎͎̬͉͔͉͚̳̬͚͓̣͖̮̝͇̗͈̠͎̤͈͐̄̊̌͊̓͐̐̈́̕ͅn̴̢̨̨͉̘̫̲̯̖͈̺̺͖̣͚̠̗͓̳͉̬̬̟͉̻͖̼̋͋́̈́͛͒̒̓͂͂̊̑̉͠͠͝t̷̺͎̭̭̪̪͆̉̾̄̈́͊̑̋͂̆̒̅̈́͗͛̐̓̅̉̐̊̏͋̏́͋̕͘̕͝͝ë̶̢̛̠̯̯̟̻͕̦̝͙̻͕̹̯̝͍̱̦̃́̽͒̄̎̏̾̂͂͂͐̈́̀̈̿̐̏̓͌͒̚͜͝š̵̡̨̢̡̰̥̭̘̺̗̳͕̻̖̜͚͕̺̮̤̦̈́̄̅͜ͅ ̶̛͔͔͍̮̠͎̘̹̤̱̮͖̼̰̼̤̜̱̹͑͑̃͊̋̽̽͗̆̾͂͋͐̈́̉͑͌͗̆̊̈́̕e̵͕͎͚͎̟͍̞͎̺̼̙̖̤͛͑͊͋̽̈́̄̐͐̆̈́̋̅̈́̾̎̓̄̂͋̕̕̚̚͜ṯ̵̨̜͙̈̆͋̑͒͐̉̿̄̈̅͐͂̈́́̆̂͋́̐̇̏̀͆͌͑̽͠ ̷̨͔̜̲͈͍̼̝͓̭̈́̉̓̃̇̍͂̃̓͘͠͝j̸̢̢̢̧̙̞̥̼̘̦͓̣̦̩̲̻̻̟̙̬͊͋͌̓͠e̴̢̢̛̥̳͚̩̱̻̼̮̙̳̹̝̯̠͔͕̟̞͐̓̑̆͂̒͌̈́̔̂͒͐̄͊̀̇͐̒͒̕̚̚͠ ̸̢̢̗̝̞̥̺͙͇̖̞̜̠̩͚̬̲̞̣̳̫͙͙̣̠̳̯͕̫̍̽͒̎͌̈̂̐̇͑̚͜ͅļ̴̧̞͙͕̩̗̙͉̦̿͐̓̍̽͒͘’̸̡̢͍̟̬̭͈̬̠̼̺̘͉̣̗̼͙̥͓̬̟̈́̈̋̀͛͒̄̂͛͘͜͝ͅȃ̶̫̉̿͒̏̉͆̍̋͝͝i̵̢̨̧̨̦̰̱͕̜̥̖͉͍̺̻̥̠̯͎͔͓̱͚̼̫̟̦͉͊̎m̴̢̢̧̡͖̱͇̖͔͍͖͙̤͔̯̼̎̇̈́̑̏̏̇̉̀͘͘͜è̴̘͉̥̫̝̙̃̏͆͋ͅ ̴̧̛̱̪̝͔̠͕̯̯̭̝̭̩͔͎͇̣͚̲̦̳̹̖̗̻͖̠̭̲̤̓͛̈́̅̌̊̇͌̔̋̋̚̕͜͝͝͝͝ṗ̵̡̡̢̢̛̲͔͓͙̤̯̳̻̠̞͇͉̖̥͕̖̗̰̱̰̯̣͙̦͖̯̹̔̈̌̓̏͋̉̄̇̋͊̈́͆̉̚̚̕͠ͅä̸̛͖͕́̾̐̅͊̀̊̇̌͊̎́̈́̕͘͝r̵̨̡̧̢͎͍͕̘͈͔͓̥̦͚̮̳̹͔̥͉͔̼̫̫̙͓̗̈́̄̏̅͒̽̀̄̅̎͒̇̍̊͐̍̍͂̑̄́̐̊̇̚̕̚̕̚͜͠c̴̳̜͓̞̪͓̱̻̣̞̬̯̠̪͕̦͇͚͙̹̥̔̋̊́͒̔͆͂͗̏̂̈́̈́̍͆̚̚͜͜͝͝ë̴̘̞̰͓̠̱͙̻͚̮͚̱̩̱͍̯͍̩̝̼̖́̏̀̈̉̂̇́̾̿̃̃̚͘͠ͅ ̸̧̢̡̨̢͈͈̗̼̹͚̩͈̘͕̫͈͎̘̺̭̫̯̯̥̪͙̒̑̂̅̆̒̎̕̚̕q̴̛͇̣̮̭̍͑͂̓͒͐͗̍͗̂͂͂͐͗͜ú̷̡̫̤̹͇̭̻̜̞̫̼͓͖̘̜̫͚̌̐͗͋͊̑̿̿̐̃̐̔͆̕͝ͅé̷̡̨̛̥̳͕̖̺͍͇̟̯̻͈̱̣͖̘͆͌̆̍̋̊͆́͐̋͋̓̏̿͘ͅ ̴̡͓͚̯̺̲̫̘̼̮͕̹̙͙͆̈́͗͜͜c̴̫̣̯̯͙̩̮̥̩̮͚̰͉̘͕͕̣͍͙̼̤͔̹͎̥͚̥͑̈́̑̾̓̈́̈̇̓̿̽̓̈́͐͒͛̄̒̎͘͜͠͝͝ͅͅ’̶̢͍̘͈̹̰̼̜͕̥͠ͅͅe̸̡̫̳͚̭̥͇͚̝̾̈̊͊͂̐͂͑̎̉͘̚ͅṡ̶̢̲̖̝̯̼͔̜͔̆̌̊͑́͗̈́͌͋̾̋̓̌̎̓̊͌̅͋̾̆ͅẗ̵̛̛̞̺̮͙̳̙̠̲̫̯̭̝̲̼̲̦̼̭̘̩̤̟̯͔͉̔̈́̅̑̉̑̽͆́́̓͛̈́̽͋͛̌͊̉̿̓̍̈́͛̂͜͠ͅ ̴̮͈̔͛͆̅̃̓̉̃̉̌̓̒̈̒̉͘͘̚t̸̛͇͈̼͙̱̑̾͂̅̎͊͂͆̒̌̇̓̌̌̀̃̿̏͗͑̐͋̒͑̚̕̚̚͠͝͝ớ̶̧̢̡̛̪͙͚̳͔͎̤͎̩͖̤̥͓͔̮̼̩̩̤̤̺̭̞̯̫̃̎̒́̋̒͋̂͒͂̌̌́̔̊̚̕̕̕̚͝͝ͅǖ̵̯̊̉̃̊͋̿̈͌͋̂̈̕͝ͅt̸̨̯͔͇̗̲̙̦͒͊́̈͛͑̇̌̐͗͘͝ͅ ̶̡̨̮͓͈̳̮̯̖̝͍̺̗̞͉̩̥̜̩͚͓̯̩̖̝̯̋̈́̔̇̏̔̃̿̑̂̅̌̂͊͒̊͐̆͂̽͐̉͆̔̿̚̕ͅͅͅͅc̵̢̢̧͓̙̦̺̰̟̘̻̬̟̗͖͎̱͕͎̟͙̺̩͇̺̃͌̅͑̍͛̈́͒̊͐̂̽̕͜͜͠͝ͅȩ̸̟͉̳͍̦͍͔̥̬̼̗̙̟̦̬̙͈̳̞̦͓͓̪̺̲̫̤͚̐ͅͅ ̸̢̢̨̡̛͓̲̲̪̲͙͚͍̳̤͔͐́͊̾̄͗̈́͌́̈́̾̀̓̆̌̔̽̽̾̔̍̑̏͌̊̚͜͠ͅq̵̡͖̻̖͍͖̬̜͕̩̻̩̗̤̪̻̗̈́̎̈́̏̑̀̈̕͜͝͝͝͠ų̸̧̡̛̬̺͉̱͍̰̘̠̪̥̼͎̹̬̤̭͚̆̂͒̌̀̍͛̃̾̚͝͝͠i̷̢̩͕̩̳̟͚̠̗͍͖͌̎̐͒̈́̃̐̈͂̀͊̿̑̾̎́̚͠͝ ̵̡̛̪̰̘̣̬̥̘̖̞͖̭̬̭͇̭̳͙̭͇̼͔͎͍͈̻̝͆̋̀͌̓̓̑̓͛̃̉̂̍̈́̔̄͆̓͂͋̄͗̚̕͘̕͜͝͝͠͠ͅm̸̧̨̡̢͉͎̣̝̼̘̯͔͖͇̰̏̈́̉̉̔̏̊̏̈́̊̔̎͑͜͠ͅ’̵̠̞̠̱̘̬̹̟͓̏̇̃͑͑̉́͂̂̔̀̑̓̋̎͘̕͘͠͠ͅͅä̶̛̖͈͉̹̘̲̝̮̤́͒͌̈́͆́̊̽̈́́͐̃̈́͗̇̾̂͌͆̿̀̾̚͘t̸̡̢̧̡̛̙̺͚̪̮̖͚̩͍̩̣̙̻̙͍̲͓̭͍̭̮̜̘̠̠̺̭͇͗̑̑̽͆̾͆͛͌̔͊́͂̅̈̽̈́͊̔̊̂̑́̏̈́̓̀̕̚̕͝ͅt̷̯͇̟̤̪̼̩̩͉͎͇̦̯̖̳̏͆̅͒̂͗̅͂̐̆̑̿̈́́̅̓̐̓́̐̒̽̿͊ͅe̵̡̧̛̺̱͖̦̠̹̲̬̞͎̥̯̲͕̭͑̉̍̆̋͝ͅņ̵̧̧̡̫͎͍̞͇͎̥͇̗͚̦͎͖̠͈̰͈̘̝͈̟̖͌̉̓̂͗̎̏̌̒̈́͛̀̒̈́̈́̂̕̕͝͝͝ḑ̶̪̠̟̳̰̮͉̝̱̞̪͈͍͕̫̱͉̝̪̟̙̹̫͎̞̯̆̈́̑́̑̈́͊̋̄͂̈́̚̚͜͜͝ͅͅ ̷̪͔͔̬͔͍̯͎̻̼̟̥͓͉͖͈̞̰͉͎̊̑͜͜͠ͅͅͅç̷̢̧̨̦̫͎̫̟͔̪̲̙̱̘͎̭̖̭̱̪͖̟͖̫̙͚̭̞͍̳͍̈͒̉̀̈̌́́͋̊͌͐͊̾͛̃̈͒ͅo̸̩̟͚̱̳̬̩̥͍̫͖̼͓̪̲͓͍̖͚̩̳̝̱̹͇̫͈̅̿͗̈̈́̿̾̄͊͊́̓̓̃̚̚͠ͅm̸̡̧͉̞͈̺̺̲̖͉͖̖̫̦̗̹̦̟̟͚̲͇̜̲͎͙̖̞̗͕͓̈́̚ͅm̴̡͔̼͚̠̠͈̗̯͍̻͈̱̻̬̭͍̥͎̼͌͛̈́͂̊̃̿̓̐̆͋̍͛́̽̒̽͛͊ͅë̵͖̞̙̫͍͙̙̜̦͖͖̤̯̳̺͍́̋͂̌͑̽͑̽͊̿̈́͒̃̚̕ ̴̧̨̡̫͎̻͖̮̖̰̦͎̜̟͇̦͖̭͕̪͍͕̦̹̠̭̗͔͈̝́̕͜͜͝ͅj̴̡̡̺̞͙͚̹̘̦̖̥̝̫̞̻̺̳͙͇͙̖̬̗̈́̄̊̄̊͛̈́̈́̄̔̿̑̓͆̅̄̑͂͛͘̕̕͠͠ͅĕ̶̢͎͖̹̝͍̩͚̪͈̩̺͈̙̞̲̫̺͍̥̬̻̹̯̻͔͕͎̝̳̜̈́̎ ̷̧̧̡̡̢̢͉͇̲̥͇̳̠̝̜̦͙̭̗̰̱̼̰͎͛̀̌̓͊̿̄̆̔͋͂͊̕͝͝l̵̛͖̈̏̎̈́̿̇͊̅̃͂͑̈́̍͆͂̔̅̾̾̆̒̓̈́͘͝͠͝͝’̷̧̨̛̱̹̮͈͓͎͕̦͕͕͓̻̪̥̲̪̳͓̻̼̹̿͒̆̔̈͒̀̔̉̏̾̑͂͒͛̎̚̚ͅạ̷̡̢̨̛̫̫̲͔̝̲̤̯̣͔̰̪͙͔̿̃̂̾͗̅̏̃͌̐̄̍͑͒͗̆̊̔̾̐͗̿͆̂͘̚͘͜͜͠͝͝͠ͅͅͅţ̸̨̡̠̮͕̜̩͈̗͇͈͈̰̹̗̖̲̃̀̐̉͆̋̍͌̐̈́̃̽̾̀͑̍͋̽̆͊͊̐̔͌̈̽͆̚͠͠͝t̴̨̨̛̹̺̬̞̖̳͎͎̼̜̗̭̘̺͓̭̙̱̯̋́̌̓̅͗͊̋̓̌̽͋͊̈́̈̉̂̅͑͘ͅe̸̡̨̛̤͎̩̤̼̩͎̫̰͚̻͎̖̻̣͖͚̦̭̠̞̳͖̦̮̅̌̄͑̏͋̈́̓̑͆͋̔͒̏͗͋̇̅̆͗͝ͅn̵͎̓̓̓̃͝d̸͚̰͚̥͙̰̣̝̗̺͖̹͍̙͙̪̈́͒́͛͗͑͛̔́̊̇̅͛̆̃̚͘͘ͅs̸̥̣̈́͌̔̃̑̂̇̏͑͑̓̄̈́͗̏̌͐͠͝ ̸̨̨̛̰͓͉̠͖͇̟͙̘̗̦̠̦̟̾̊͑̊̆͂͂̏̉͌̆̋̇̋̾̔́͌̇͆̏̔̎̈̽̍́͘͘͘͝j̸̡̧̢͖̯̩͈͇͖̳̜͙̥̳͓͈͕͙̝̟̗̯̙͓̝͙͖͎͇̭͇̫̽̐͗͒͆̆̍̿̆͐̋̎̚͠͝͝ě̴̡̨͉̖̯̹̭̦͎̹̻̪̺̥̺̝̙̮͉͓̬̤͖͍̞͙͚͎̉̅̽̋̈͌̏̑͆̎̉̈́̾̈́̆͒̿̋̈́̆͝͝͝ ̷̙͚̙̯͓͎̖̭̗͍̻̦̜̠̀̍͊̄̈́͋̓̆̈̈́͘n̴̨̢̼͎͙̗͈͙͍͕͍̳͉̬̣̜̭̮̊͆͌́̆̓̒’̷̧̗͇͇̟̮̱̪̥͕̻̩̭͍͇̥̹̘̹̲̘̼̣̭͔͇͂̌̈́̌̀̏̊̀́̔̆̏̃̐̊͒̈̈̚͜͜͜ͅͅâ̴̡̢̨͚̪͎̳̼̳̲̫̯͚̻̫̟̞̝͉̟͖̺͚̯̬͍̩̽ŗ̵̒̔͊̅͗͐͗͘r̷̛̛͕͆̄̓́̌͒̑̈͑̓͌͗̋͆̍̐͂̓̌͗͐̃̐̍̃̕i̶̧̨̧̧͎̯̞͖̣͚͕͓͙̫̟͔̬̭͎̻̘̗͕̯͈̟̟͕̣̖͊̔͗̈̓͋͋̏̾̌̈́̎̊͂̏͋͒͛̄̋̂̏̅̐̒͘̚͘͜͜ṿ̷̨͍̩̺̹̩̱̝̗̥̺̹̹̬̳̲̼̹̥͖͓̭̝̯͍̳̉͛̌̎͊̌̈́̉͛͘̚͜͝e̵̹̠̹͓̣̞͔͉̱̠̱̎r̶̢̛̯̖̭̼̜͎͔̯͚̙͕͖̝̟͍͍͖͈̲͍͓͉̹̓̏̃̂̂̋̈̽̃͐̅̋́͛̕͝͝ͅͅa̸̡̡̡̢̛̙̗̻̼̳͙̥̬̠̰̪̙̼̠̖̱͗̊͗̇̾̅̃̃͛͛̓͐͌̄͋̍̓͊͋̓̾̄͐͘͘͜͝͝į̵̨̛͎̘̭̥͈̗͎͖͙͖̻͉͚̼͓̣̱͈̥̦̩̋̅͊̀̓̽͛͑͗ ̵͍̻̱̠͈̙͈͖̘̜͎̰͊̆̍̊͊́̂̓͌͗͊̀͊͝j̴̡̢͇̘͎̖͕̣̜͖̼̩̣̳͕̼̩̰̣͂̂̍̌͗̆͊̃̈̎͊͊̄͛͜͜á̶̪̙͕͆̎͑́͌͑̾̚̚͘̕͝m̵̳̮̫̯̬͇̞̭͓̙͙̟̊̈́̌͆͗̓̆̀̿̀͑͋̾̈́̓̉̽́̽͘͝ą̸̢̢͓̦̘̗͎̥̬̪̦̩̟̟̳̼͈͓͉̲͇̬͎̩̻̠̣̞̣̉̃͜í̶̧̛͎̫̦̮͓̮̰͎̱̻͇̞͇͙̄̅̎͜͝ͅs̶̢̯̣̼̗̰͎͙̏̽́́̎̄̉͊͆͛̐̎̆͋̃͒̆̔͌̚̕͠ͅ ̸̨̛̙͖̖͚̭̪̭̩̰̱͈͖̪̠̟͙͍͕̔̑̌̿̒̉͐̓̓́̏͋̔̕̕͘̚͝͝͝ą̵̨̧̛̛̛̪̣̪̖̭͇͔͎͇̯̩̰̖̦̦̰̝͈͍͙̝͕̲̞͕͖͖̝̀̽̎̎͑̄̏͊̈́̋͐̿̎̑̍́͗̓̓̌̔̓̄̌̏̕͘̕͝ ̶̹̙̻̯̯̰̗̙̘͔̠̄̿̈̓̒͌͗͐́̌͛̉͘͜ͅa̵͇͙͈͂̔͒͘r̴̢̢̛͓͎̖͚̜̱͍͈̫̫̘̺͕̮͉͇͇̙̜͎̥̪̗̜͎̯͕͂̌̔ȑ̷̢̲͓͕̯͉͌͑̅̂̇̾̓̅̑̃͘̕͘̚͝͝ê̷͙͖̹̹̩̝̬̘̘̮͙͙͈̝̘̭̥̚͠ţ̷̡̲͙̘̦͚̲̝͈͙̖̯͔̭̦͎͙͍̙̣̟̗̅̈̒̐͆̄̔̒̃͌̍͑͐́͋͜͜͝ȩ̴̨̡̛͍̜͈̤̰̲̰͍͓͚̫̥̦̫̙͚͙̬͖̖͍̞͕̬̳̯̣̫̗̅̄͐̓̅͗͐̓͑̊̑̓̾̐͌̔͌̓͒̏̄͛̄̽͌̅̈́̉͝͝ͅr̷̻̪͇̝͖̫̜͉̜̬̳̹͂͒̉͂̿͊̊́͗̆͊̆̿̿̋͛̂̌̽̏̊̃͘͠͠͝ ̵̧̡̡̭̼̲̠͕̩̰̗̟̺͍̤̙̥̰̖̪̇̿̆̈̃̎̎͑̍́̍̎̃͂̇̚̚͜͠͠ͅͅd̶̢͍̯͍̭̰̻̬͒̃̈́̄̇̀̋̄͑͑̏͆̇̃̽́͘͘͜ͅe̵̡̡̧̡̥͉̹̪̥̹̬͈̥̦͔͎̞̹͙̦̪͍̓͋͒̒̇̎̎̾̓̿͌͜͜͜͝͝ ̴̡̧̛̰̫̗̦̳͇̦̫̩̰̼̻͈̫̰͇͔͉͍͕̒̅̑̈́̄̀̒̎̏̎͂̌̾͋̒̈́͋̐̈̎̃͐͌̚̕̚͝m̶̨̧̨̢͖̠̞̤͔͕͍̺̤̱̘̹̳̘̝̖̪͎̙̤͚̱͕̅̉͐̏̿̐̀̎̀͐̓̎͊̅̾̋̀̍̅̓͆͛̔̅̅͘͜͝͝͝ͅͅǫ̶̛͙̠͕̲̖̈́̏̂͑̃͛̈̃̇̈̀͐̽̅̋́̓͌͐̔̈́̋͊̏̕̕͝͠ų̶̧̢̡̢̛͔̥̙̺̞͙͎͎̰̲̲̹̲͖̠͇̳̗͙͎͕̘̅͆̅́r̷̡̡̨͚͈̥͈͎̯̥̘̥͙̱͓͇͕̙̼̐͐̈͑̕͜͜í̷͍͈͙̳͖̩̪̭͇̗̪̜̥̈́̌͋̇͗͜͜ŗ̸̝̣̩͈̲̯̬̪̳̰̦̮͑̈́̈́̋̏̿̿̾̕͝ ̷̧̧̱͔̼̖̜̝̞͕͉̥̫̤͓̜̣̔̐͋̒̕l̴̗͕̻̗̻̩͎̩̺̰̞̼̞̩̰͛á̶̡̛̛̖͓̠̩͓̙͍̮͍͕͇̖̳̩̖̓́̓̎́͛͂͋͒̐ ̴̢̛͈̫̗̗͉͓͇̲͓̗̱̟̳͈̣͍̣̪̮͐͋̾̾̉͗̎͂̀̏̂͌́͐̔̎͆̊̚̕̕͜͝d̷̛̰̗̤̪̂̇̔̿̇͋́̈̔̓͊̏͝o̴̡̭̜̥̦͍͕̻̠̦̻͙̹̼̺̜̦͖̬̯̘̯̝̗̤̍̒͌̐̈̾́͂͛̌̓̊̊̔̈́͠͠͝u̷̧͇̲̹̞̼̲̫͕̜̼̥̦͂̓͂͑̂͂͆͘̚̚͝ͅl̸̨̧̺̘̮̘̩̱͍̳̙̣͍͎̹̮̰̝̱̭͔͈̟̰̗̠͑͘ͅȩ̵̢̢̪̟̜͕̳͎̳̦̼̫̼̜̖̿͂͊̋̐̈́͊̽̃̄̇̾͆̾̀́̅͛̓̈̓̚͝u̴̢̩̲̘̯̗̜r̸̨̛̠̱̞͉̦͎͇͓̤̤͍̭̗̜͙̘̗͚̲̄̇̂̾̿͛͌̏͗̂̿̋́̇̋̔͊̍̔̔͒̎̒̒̐͊͂̕͘̚͝ ̵̛̥̳͔̬̮͇͉͕̀̈́̂͋̿̆̈́̋̃͘͘̕͜ȩ̵̬͓͖͚̝̝̟̞̞̣͉͖͕̖͇̦̲̃͌̈́͑̋̎̎̍̃͂̑̌͐̾̐͂̀̄̍̑̏̕͠͝͝t̵̛̛̮͔̺̥͙̣̙̙͙͔̮̭̘̬̥͙̝͉̳̱̻̰̳͓̠̲͈̊͊͌̀̎͒̏̂̇̔̈̈̄̆̓̌͆̐͘ͅͅͅ ̴̨̛̛̱̟̰̼̤̗̹̗͈͓̪̻̺͚̙̫̤͍͇̮̖̜̣̳̝̒̓̎̅͂̏͑̎̓͂͜͜d̴̢̢̨̧͇̟͉̣̬̠̘̺̟̞͈̪̰̳̗̱̒̑̾̀ȁ̸̡̹̹̞̰̪̭̪̝̖͔͖̩͓͔̗̭̼͍̤̤͗͜ͅņ̶̪̬͚͈͍̼͙͔̫̦̰͕̪̟̭̪̑͒̃̓̓̅̃̈́͐̒̕̚ş̸̛̛̥͍̘͔̩͓̥͍̱̘̰͍̰̙͉̫̰̟̼̟̘̟̱̰̤̈̓̎̄̐̂́̎̆͂͝ ̴̨̛͎̺̩̺̿̔͐͐̈́̆͌̿͗͂̊̍̅̿̃̌̈̃͘͜͠m̸̨̢̙̙̘̲̹̭̟̗̗̣̆̄̽͛͂̀͗̔̉͗͋̑̈͌̉̅̐̂̌͌͐̚͜͜͠͝a̸̢̧̡͙̙̲̫͉̬̦͈̱̣͈̤̙̓̆̆̀̓̒͆͜͜͝ͅ ̸̧̧̞̺͕̯̟̞͓̜̬̤̱̺̑̍͆̈́̐͗̏̔̄̾͜͠c̷͇̼͚̭̝̖̏ḥ̷̲͒͋͊̾̾͒̆̅̐͌́́̕̚ả̶̧̧̡̟̞̥̺̭̙͈̤̥̪͍̤̺̱̞̘̞̼͜ͅͅḯ̷̢̤̫̗̞̪̙͙̣͉̟̊͌͆͆̒̌͒͜͝r̴̻̬̐̑̃͑̆̈́̉͂̿͒̀̓̌̏̚͝ ̵̧̡̠̞̰͎̞̾͐̾̊͂̑͘͘͜͝͝ṁ̷̢̡̤͈̯̞̤̜̹̔͐̽̄̓͂̊̒͋͝e̸̡̨̡͚̩̗̮̫̲͍̮̜̭̻̥̦̮̜͚̝̯͍͋̈́̈́̈́́͘ͅš̶̝̝̜͔͈́͐̔̃͂̏̇̌̉͌͐̄̕̕ ̶̡̟͉̪̗̬̰͖͉͖̞̳̤̮̬̰̰͓͈̳̙̥̙͚͇̫̊͗̏̿̏͜͝o̵̡̻͕͙͍̟͖̞̳͇̹͔̬̤̭̪̰͓̱̣͙͒̔̿̈́̓̐͗̐̐̑̑̾̀̈̊͒͋͌̀̔̚̕͜͠͝͝s̶̡̨̛̰̝̥͔̙̻̼̬͊̏̋͌͒̿̈́̆̆̇̌̐̐̋̔͐͐̈́͗̉̃̀̈́̾̑̉ͅ ̶̨̢̧̦̝͔̰̮̫̘͈͕̟̖̯̮͉͎͖̙̫̣̜̝̮̤̭͕̑͋͊̃̂̀̌̑̇̈́̋̈͂͒̽̄̐͒̉̂͆̌̆̈̚ͅj̸̧̡̢̧̛̤̥͙͕͇̯͔̜̯̥̩̱͔̝̘̳̩̭͇̬̬̬͔͆̽̇́̏̀̏̓̌̒̑̔̋̉̀̓͘͜͝͠ë̵̹̩͕̖̯̜̤̱͎̥̦̤͚̫̔͗̇̍̽̇̃͠ͅ ̵̨̢̛̻̙̬̗͍̟̟̖̞̗̠̯͙̟͌͂͗͌̄͒̀̃̊̀̉̈́̈̅̌̈́͛͂̊̇͘͜͝v̸̨̧̢̰̤̯͚̬̤͙̟͇̬͕̩͙̼̱̞̦̲͓͈̺̤̖̫͆͑̃̌̌͛͂́̉͋̚ẽ̸̜̋̍̒̇͒̈̃̇̅͒̊̾̅̓̈́̑̈́̚͠ư̷̽̓̔͛͋̍͆̌̏̒͋̀̉̾̊̄̎̉̋̆̓̕͜͝͝x̶̨̧̱̳͙̤͓̠͕͎̫͎̣͕̞̩̜͍̝̠̖̟̳̯̒̍̅̊̉̃̑ͅ ̷̢̪̠̪̤̖̤͙̼̲̤̝̘̅̽̃͒̑͂̓̉̚̕q̵̡̢̭̘̹̳̤̹͔̝͕͙̲͖̲͓͇̃̎̐̓̚u̴̞̦͆̍̆̊̌̐́̎͠i̵̢͚͔̩͚̼͇̫͎̝̮̠̖̹͖̜̟͓̱͆͒̋̆͛͠t̵̘̠͕͍͕̄̇̈́͋̐̔̒̾̋̊̈̊͗̿̾̾̾̿̉̋̈͘̕͝ţ̶̼̳̩̮͇̪̻̬̩͉̞͖̣̦̤̖͆̇̑̚ẻ̸̡̧̨̢̡̧̲̝̬̹̳͖̗̦͔̞͉̠̝̬̯̬̹̀̈̾̊̇̐͑̈̊̃͆͊̅̉̏̀̋͋̉̃̋͐̓̒͠͝ͅr̷͔̬̗͕̪̖̘̯̝͈̰̝̖̥͎̱̬̯̟̣̝̩̣̟͔̦̈́̓̉̑̆̇͗̂̍͆̅̂̆̚̕̕ͅ ̴̢̛͎̟̙̭̭̮̪́͒͗̈́͆̉̍̔̕͝͠͠m̸̙̈̅̏̊̄̎̈́̄͋̂̈̍̚͝͝ơ̷̧̨͕̱͚̰͍̠͉̳̯̱͈̼͍̖̫̇̄͊̄̓̔̔̈̌̾̎̓͊̔̌̾̃̎̋̀̅̎̋̃͘͜͜͠͠ņ̴̧̦̺̖̟̻̣͔̦̪̃̐̆͐̋̾͋̊͒͆͗͒̑͘̚͜ͅ ̷̧̧̧̢̧̳̫͎̖̪͍͓̪̗͓͍̪͔͓̲͙͕̤̮̯̣̹̥͚̥̯̻͑͆̒́͆̔̕͝c̸͙̯̰̩̭̩͈̦͔̜̫̼̳͓̥̰̦̱͚̲͋͒͊̅̉̈́͒͂̐̽̒̎̅̈́̃̃̔̆̈́̎̕̕͜͝͠ơ̵̡̢̧̹͚̜͈͎͈̱͚̤̜̙̹͉͕̠̳͍̘̠͉͍͈̯̯͔͓̅̇̎̀͛̃̊̉̍̇̀̈́̂͒̒̽̃̌̓̐̊͒̐̾̅̇͜͠͝͝͠ͅͅr̸̡̢̧̘̪͕͖̭̦͇͔̞͍̥̞̪͔͔̙͕̹̦͙̰͎͈͔͈̀̓̔̐̅ͅͅͅp̷̢̜̼̼̼͔͖͖͚̲̪̻̪͖̻̒̂͆͊͂͌̂̎̓͊̓̒̈́̑̔̈̓̉̄̈̈̚̕̕͠͝ͅş̵̡̢͇̫̲͔͕̭̖̦͉̙̠͕͓̖̥̺̲̭͚̠̹̖̬͒̓̂̔͂̕ ̵̡̬̦̱͎̟̯̞͍͓͕̤̮͖̙͕̫̄̔̓͜͝j̴̢͔͈̩̪̗̘̭̦̲̬̩̞̣͍̲̣̰̪̲͈̟̫̗͚̺̇̈́̃̓͗̈́́̔̔̇̄̎̌͑͜͝ͅͅę̷̳͖̣̣͎̹͇̩̩̖̣͗͂̾̓̊̑́̊̄͘͝ ̴̡̠̱͓͎̝̫̻͇̦̰̫͈͔̠͕̦̜͕͛̒͋͒̿̍̿̏͌̾͆̇̀̔͒̏̊͂͜v̵̧̮̪̰̳̜̮̞̖̰̝͇͖̞͕̲͚͍̲͇͚̮̪͝ͅę̸̟͚̝͙͖͙͐͌̌̂ư̸̡̢͓̩͚͔͔͓͚͌͊̈̓̏̏̊̒̈́̒̀̉̋̑͜͝x̶̨̨͓̮̭͙̤̳̫̜̋͒͛͌̏̎͋̂͐͛͑̕͜͝ ̴̢̛͈͕͈̮̜̬̎̀̋̍̓̇̈͂̀͑̀̍̾̑̈́͠ȩ̶̳͙̜̞̞̂̾̈́͊͆́͋̉̌̂͒̕͘̕͝ţ̴̧̢̦͓͉̩̥̥̼̪͕̗͔̭͖̥͓̬̤̰̥̞̯͙̓̈́̃̒̓́͑̽̚͘͝ͅr̴̡̧̧̢̼͚̺̫̜̭̠̝̖̝̤͇̞̭͕̠̦̥̫̭̟̝̩̠̃̂̕͘e̴̡̧̙͖̩̲͚̠͕͉̰͔̬̟̙̳̰̒̐̌̋̆͌̾͜͠ ̵̢͈̜̗͇̲̬̪̝͕̰͔͚̯̥͍̞̝̝̥̦̜̦̯̳͈͋͑̓̈́̐̉̀̎̈̆̐̏͊̋̂̃̄̿̑͛̂̂̈́͗̂̕̚͜͜͝s̴͍̣͍̋̓̃̒͑͗̽̀͑̊̓̈̇̀̉̑̐͊̾͐̚͘̚͝ę̷̧̩͙͖͚̹͎̻̥͍̳̙͑̄̿̐̑̐͑̈̉̅̕͝ü̴͚̭̟̫̟̤͚̼̻̖̾̈̋̂͐͜͜l̸̩̻̹͔̅̽̌̈́̋̀͜ ̸̧̡̜̖̩̯̩̝̺̟͙̲͎͇͈̳̺̳͆š̷̻̟̥̳̦̼̞̭̪̮͉̫̼̻͇̜̣̜̩̩̟͇̜̲̗̯̓͒̓̎̎͌͑̍͗̕͝ͅë̶̡͙̲͎̯̰͈̯̫͍́̿̈́̾̄͊̽̈́͌͋͠͝͝ǘ̵̢͉͓̟̻̙̙̫͕̙̱̤͇̠̙͚̻͍̭̹̩̝̆̐͒͒̓̍̔̇͑̌̒̋̍̅̅͘̕̚͜͜͠͝l̵̡̨͙̰͈͙͕͚̼̘͓̥͔̱͙̥̲͇͚̣̗̋́͛͊̇̎͆͌̄̈́̀͆̔͗͐́̂̅͌͝ ̵̡̧͇̫̻̭̤̯͔̘͔̮̫̗͖̣̠̥̫̠̦͚̞̬̩͈̹͇̯̹͊͐̈̍̏̈́d̷̨̧̡̧̛̛̠̟̩͙̖̫̤̜̥̤͔̖̠͔̞̯̬͓̟̻̓͌̃̆̇͛́̉̇̈́͐̃̇͋͗̉́͐͆̽̕̚͠͝͠ę̸̛̳̼̗͎̹̟̲̙̭́̽̍͂̄̈̊̉̿̒̑̑̈́̽̿͐͛̚̕̕͜͠ͅc̶̨̧̨̞̝̲̝̯̲̜͚̼̙̟͔̤̩͇͈̭̩͉̰̯̑̿͑̿͜͜͜ͅo̵̧̱͇͔͓͎̯̜̥̭͕͙͍̯̝̎̆̇̈́̔̊̑̆̓̾͗̄͑̓̈̂̽͒ŭ̶͚̭͑p̸̡͎̼̜͚̗͙̮͍̰͈͉̱̮̖̰̜̮͉̼͓̯͐̆̕͜͝ͅę̸̡̜̣͕̥̟͙̰̗̟̻̱̓͆͑͛̒͂͗̿̾̉̔͑̅̉̃̂̌͠͝r̷̡͙̻̩͈̳͚̥̳͚̻̠̺̥̣̠̲͎̫̱͗͋͜ ̸̢̧̨͇̭̮͖̙͖̫͚͕̣̝͎̪̙̻̬̥̞̐͂̐̈́͛͆͆̄͋͛͑́̓̐̉̌͛̿̓͘̚ă̷̡̼̳̠̖̝̦̹̣͓͍͊̊͐̐́̄̐̍̔̑̂̈́̿̓͐̐̏̅̏͘͝͝ŗ̶̛̫̝͖̄̎͑̂̉̀͊̐͋́͐̈́͒̀̂͋̌͌̈́̏̅͗̏̃̈́̚̚̚̚̕r̸̨̧̨̢̧̢̠̙͕̘͙͖͕̝̟̣͉̜̼̰͚͇̦̤͓̪̭̙̗̭̭̂͑̾͌̂̉̏ͅa̷͙̬̥͒c̴̮̖̤̙̣̲̲̣̭̬̋͋̾̂͒̕h̷̨̡̝̯̲͇̲̳̞͉͉̯̪̟̬͈̦͉͕̪̩̞͈̦̘̙̉͜ͅẻ̴̢̧̼̪̟̖̱̜̞̝̻͙͉̥͔̔̾͌͛̒̐̊r̴̡̲̟̰̤͈̯̣̻̪͚̤̥͕̅̈́́̑͆̑̌̐̊͑̆̄̑̋̔͒͌͛̏̈́̈́̌̕̚ ̷̝͚̪̋̿́͆̈́͊̎̓͋̊̓̽̉̆͋͑̋͆͐̓̑͜͝͠͠l̸̨̢̨̧̨̛͖̪͚̭̰̟̠͚̗̥͎̲̟̙̗͍̤̼̿͂̀̒̅̂̏̃͊̊̿̐̇̂̍̐̂̂̓̓́͌̃̂̓̏̐̅̐̕͝e̴̢̡̛̗̰̳̞͍͍̭͂̎̅̀͒̔͐͛̚͘̚͜ş̶̦̪͈̹͎̲̝̹͕̦̯̯͙͔̟̜̭͇̮̰̝̭̝͙̀̆͊͐͂̔͛̚ ̷̨̨̨̡̗̥̹̱̫̝͙̼̖̘̱̫̩̞͉̩͈̱͖̬̋̕v̴̢̨̛̛̹̤̫̲̰̮̯̻̮̻̭̗̬̮̟̰͖̺͇̳͎̝͖̆̂̐̓͒̉̇͋̐̀͊̏͊̎͛͋́̓̎̏͘͘̕͝ͅȩ̶̧̦̞̳̜͚̻͈͔̙͍̻̌͛̅͛̌͋̾͂̋̾̋̓̃̄͛̈́͑͂͛͊̽͝͝ĩ̶̧̛̛̯̻͕̰̗̪̦̰̣̳̘̱͕̤̎̈́̊͛̓̔͆͐̈̍͂̅̊̽͌̇̔̚͘̕͝ņ̶̻͎͙͈̹̠͍̘̤͙̬̺͓̝̥̘̘̠̠͎̤͎̭̌̕͜ͅȅ̷̢̡̢̦͍̟̰̺̻̪̣̹̩̳̙̬̩͉̭̺̦͚̼̳̼͓̜̟̬̀̏̐̃̆̉͌̆̐͊̽͂̄͜͜͜͝͝ͅs̵͔̯̹̚ ̴̡̡̧̨̝͚͓̙̥͇͕͖̰̞̗͓̬̹̫̼̼̞͉̯̺̩̤̈́͆̀̆͗̑̌͗̏̉̒̀̍̔͑͊̽́̈͐̈͂͆̅̔̐̿̕̕̚͜͝ͅͅm̷̡̹͕͉̩̠͎̙̯̤̥̗͕̠͔̪͉̠͇͉͓͖̺̦͕̖̎͗̔̓͗̓͂̏͗̌̂̂̈́̐̉̾̾̉̊̅̿̾̕̚͠͝a̸̢̡̡͖̦̤͎͑̑͋̈͌̅͐̏̂̇̊͗͛̇͛̐͐̊̍̃͂͠͠i̷̡̧̘̠̭̹̯͖̖̘̬̜͈̼̲͙̦̘̤̝͓̩̳̥̲̖̼͉̜͗̓̒̈́͗̆̇̉̎͊̉̀̆̃̃͛͛́̓̚͜͝͠s̷̞̠̟̱̼͕̮̪̞̲̯͚͙͙̥͎̼̈͗̈́̌͊̒̐̏̏̊̊̈́̂̐͗̂̈̃̂̑͐̆ ̵̧̢̼͉̜͉̱̝̘̲̙̮̳͉̼̰͍̻͓͔̪͈̠̰̖̙̏̃͆̋̽̅͌̔̅̎͊̆̎̍̓̈́̉̀͗̋͊̅̆͜͠͠͝j̷̛̱̟̹̘̯͓̹̭̳́̿͒̓̃̕͘͠͝ë̶̢̛̛̞̫̮̫̭̫͍̻́̿͑͂̓͆̊̈̅̈́̈́̌̓̉̈̄͊̈́͋̓͐̚͜͝ͅ ̴̧͎͍̯̺̱̦̗͉͈̹̝̎̑ņ̶̢̢̡̼͚͉̭̥̲̭͈̹͈̪̱̣̪͎̰̲̥͓͖̯̗̻̟̦̓̓̈́̈͒̈́̒̽̽̊̔͂͜͝͝’̴͓̟͉̯̯͗͑̄̈́͂̎̈̒̿̔̿̆́̇̑̑̉͛̀̈́̓̍̈́̋̿̏̔̚̚̕͝ö̷̢̢̨̨̬̯͚̟̟͕̹͖̭͚̣͎̩͚͙̜̖́̂̾̓͐͐̏̒̈́̽͑̀̄͋͗̌̂͛̆̌͋̃̌̈̅̐̐̅̓̎͘͜͜ş̷̡̛͙̖̳͍̞̼̳̪͇̩̩̟̣̙̤̤̹̘̯̝̮͚̮͙̻̳̀̊̓̓̐̓̓̄̆͑̈́͌͘͝ȇ̷̢̨̨̙̱͖͔̝̙̺̖̠͎̣̻̣̮̲̩̳̲̪̦̰̱̦̹̠͎̭̮͙̺̃̒̀̓͑̓͗̄̿͂̒̄̊̊͠ ̸̢̛̙͓͉͓͖̭̙͔̱̣̯̦̦̣͚̺͓̹̺͈̟̂͆̾̍̊̐̿̎͒̔͋̔̕ͅp̵͔͙̙̜̘̠̎͗̔̑͗̑̍̌̔̾̏̀͘͜͝a̵̛̛̛̠͖̠͓̞̖̗͔̩̭͈͚̣̓̒̂͑̿̏͌͠͝s̵̤̰̳̲̤͎̣̻̲̱̫͉̖̬̳̜̭̯̼͖̪̙̣̭̪̥̉̀ͅ ̶̢̨̨̼̲͚̜̬̗̜͕̱̣̥̪̼̤͓̮̟̲̗̬̮̘̫̇j̷̢̛̯̝͕̰̤̗̯̲͚̞̺̝̯͎͓̥̳͖̫̟̳͚̻͎͔̬͚̘͔͍̘͔̓̎̆̋̒͆̂͌̐̈́́͗͛͒̉̌̈́̒̓̈́̈́̇͋̉͝ḛ̵̡̧̨̺̤̦͚̟͚̱̰̘̟͍̼̻́͐̆̒̌̔̊͑̅̍͛̆̂̆̐̽̊̏̈́̊̋̓̇̿͌͝͝͝ ̸̛̱̮̮̈̑̎͛̄̑̄̓̔̿̎̆̈́̋̾̉̓̽̋͜ń̸̻͙͔̻̰̦̽̈́͒̈̋̿͆̊͂̀̏̐̌̏͊̕’̴̡̧̛̘̩̞͇̥͙̝̤̹̟̮̤̲̣̼̹̺̺̻̹̜̳͍͉̲̞̹̗͆̓͊̓̏̀̿̋̂̓̽̃͑̈́͛̊̍͊̆̄̔̒͘͝ͅͅó̵̧̢͓͍̻̟̲͓͚͚͔̦̬̼̾̌̃͛̽̾͛̃̈́̉͛̀͋̾̎͌͛̏̋̈́͂̍̚͘͝s̶̨̢̛̠̗̥͉̺̙͇̘̗͕̮̭̠̣̪̰͇̬̳̬̙̬̯̙̎̽͆͆͌̑̓̉͒̎̽͌͑̆̈́͘͝͝e̸̡̤̫̲̪̘͎͔̫͎̖̯̬͇̱̹͓͎̾̈̀̓̈̎͌͗̔̈́̍͒͜͜͝͝͝ͅ ̷̛̹͈̈̌̔̾̋̋̃͐͑͛̌͘͝͠p̸̨͎̤̲̞̳̰͇̝̏̒̂̆̽́̚̕̚ͅą̶̡̢̢͉̲̭̹̗͙̣̜͉̹̜̜̩̤̞͉͎͎͒͑̌̅͒̑̾s̴̨̡̡̢̨͇̥͔̙̤͕͈̣̲̜̜̹̠̬̟̺̥̠̻̯̺͔̙͚͉̓̋̈́̍̓̃̓͜ͅ ̸̧̧̞̥̯͇̰͉̳̰͎̗̘̯̦̖̀͂̃̿̈́͌̇̂̆̽̈́̆͑̉̉̄̈́̒͑͘̕͝͝͠f̶̧̧̢̨̙͍͓̣͓͇̫̤̘͚̗͙̝̹͇̟̪̗͚͚͊̓̈͛̅́́̌͗̓̿̐̔̍̂̈̔͛͌̊̅͘͘͘̕͜͠͝ͅà̵̡̩̤̞̗̼̖̼͇͍͗̋͐̓̐̑̋͐͑̐̌̇͋̕͜͠͝͝ị̷̡͚̘͔͚̐̊͛́̃̍͊̌̕͝͠r̵̤̫̅͑̈́̉̓́̎͗͂͒̿͒͋̃̊̐̃̐̔̑̾́̾̏͘̕̕͠͝͝ḙ̶̛͙̙̣͑̈̾̾͆̐͋̓͘͝ ̶͖͙͚̠̈́̈́̊͐́̌̎̕n̶̢̧̛̜͉̱̣͎̼̝͍̺̬̱̰͉̙̟̰͙̺͖̰̻̥̝͔͎̆͋͑̉́͋̾͋’̶͖̣͇̳̥͉̠͎̮͕̍̂̆̄͂̓̆̎̆͛͊͑̔͆͊̃̽͛̈́̚͜ͅͅḯ̸̢̡̩̺̰̹͚͚͓̗͔̫̝̼̤͔̬̫̝̝̬͖͚̬̟̗̓̀̏̆̾̌̾͑͒̒̈́̽̒̆͑̒̆̊̓̈́̂͛́̽̾̀͒͘͝͝ͅm̷̙͂̏͌p̵̟̥̒͛̿͝͠o̵̱̬̦͓̙̤̺͖̫̦͚̳̝̤̫̫͑́̑̂̎̊̋̈́̋̇͂͝r̷̨̛̫̱͔͔͓̹̟̝̿̇̌̽̍̃̌̌̐̽̃̑͒̓̌̅̀̍̿̒̾̈̌̕͝͝ṱ̴̨̙͎͇̹̬̤̥͉̤̳͖̯̘͇̻̊͌̊̔̌̊́͊͛͝͠͠ͅͅę̸̙̹̮̮̪̦̯̦͈̫̻̪͈̣̺͇̞͚̪͕͊͂̓͛̍̈́̔̈̈́̏̀̄̈́͐̚͠͠͝ ̷̢̡̨͈̭̦͉̠͇̝̘̬̱͓͓̮̮̐̅̈́͒̽̑͂̆̀̿̄̓̎̆̐̍̉͊̐̐̐̚̕̕ͅq̴̛̛̰͊̀̿͊͋͗͂͗̿̏͋̉̔̈͆̋̀̾̀̂̏̕͠u̷̧̹͖̫̮͎̙̔̔̈́͘͘͝͠͠ơ̸̢̧̛̛͚͍̟̻͎̦̺̟̰͇̠̲̗̥̭͔͍̞̫̦͍̺̩͓̈͐̇̀̐͛̽̽͐̑̈́̇̈͘̚͘̚i̴̯͔̳̞̥̙̰̺̫̤̗̬͙͊͐͐̀͋̅͐̒̍͂̚ ̸̢͍̗̃͗ç̴̢̡̨̛͕̻̱̮͓̟̻̭̳̘̝̳̳̗̠̥͕̘̪͖͇̂͐̽͑̂̿̍͑͒͗́̓͋̔̋̔́͋̾́̂̅̓̉̉̑̓̐̌̉̕͜ͅ’̷̢̨̡̩̗͇̮͍̳͈̫̱͍̼̒̽͋́̒̕é̶̡̧͙̻̯̠̫͎̙͈͙̦̝̫͓̠̬̮̮̣͙̱̳͓̗̙̫̱̔̈́̌̐͆͊̈̐͐́͂̋̀́̚͝͝͝͠ͅs̵̰̹̟̝̿̓̐͆͜t̴̡̨̛͙̦̙̭͚̭̦̳̳̥̰͖̩̰͇̩̦͓̤͚̘͓̦̠̬̼̱͔͎͛̍̈́̊͐̒̈́͗̇̍͌͒̓̽̋͆̀̍̄͛͋͆̾̊͑̓̾͜ ̴̧̨̩͚̜̙̯͎̜͇̫͔̮̣̞̻̗̼̯̞̖̺̥̟̬͕͎͆̎̂͌͒͋̎̄͐̚͜͜͝͝͠͝ͅv̵̧̨̪͍̜̘͙͖͌͊̿̆̓̌̏̾͒͂̽͐̈́͝r̷̞̀͛̔̾̅̆͐̔̐̏̏̿̈́͆͛̇͌͊̏̓̌̃̀͘͘͜͝a̴̛̠͇͂͛͛͌̊̅̂͆̓̔͊̓͂̃͒̆͋̕i̵̢̛͚̣̇̿͊́̈́̀̌̊͛̇̌̎̆̂̍̉̇͐̿͊̍̂̋̿͠͝ ̶̢̡͚͇̯͍̤̼̥̬̟̝͎̻̠͍̘̩̞̤̗̯̲̠̭̤͉͕̓͌̈́̈́͑͛̐̓͛̽͛̈̀̏͌̍̊͠͝ç̸̥͓̜͎͖̿̋̂̑͌͊̒̓͂̽̓̓̒̚͘ą̴̡̢͓̠̤͈̗͑̂̈́͗͝͝ ̶̨̡͉͎̟̫̳͔̲̳̼̃̉͑̔̉͜ͅl̷̡̛̛̛̟̣̼̮͉̜̰̪͍͕̃̋̔̈́̈͂̒̂̾̇̓̇͛͂́̒̿̇̔̌͛̾͗̏̈́̚͝ẹ̷̡̨̧̜͕͚̞̹̠̤̝̥̻͎̹̺̫̹͕̯̦̠̭͍̮͇̭̝̲̖̔͛̐̉̌̓̑̈́̓̄̈́̂̀̍͂̈́̔̓̔̚͘̕s̴̨͓͔̞̣̩̻̱̥̲̹̱͈̩̣͔͚̳̮̈́̈́́͐͑̓̽̎͂̂̋͊͜͠ ̶̡̡̲̼͕̯͉̼͈͖̥̝̙̲̹̫̱̹̩̦̲̖̻̪̼̘̙͚̞̈́̑̃̈́̃̍͆̓̂̽̉̋͐̓̑͘͝͝͝ͅò̶̡̧̰͎͍̖̭͔̝̫͙̝̱̼̼̪̟͈͚̻̪̻̝͓̥̟̠͕̙̫͉̐̅̄͛͜r̷̻̙͇͖̬̮͓̺̠̝̪̹̼̝͆͗͛̈́̅͌́́͘ͅę̸̧̡̨̡̨̛̤͓̝̦̝̞̮̱͔͇̤͕̰̘̤̜̳̟̞̳͕̇̃̏̐̍̾̋̊̿́̌̒̄̆̂̿̿̎̄̚͜͝͝į̸̧̛̛̗͇̭̪̱̝͇͓̰̹̥̳͙̣͓̪͖̻̺̔̑̊͒̋̒̿̑͂̆̑̅̂͛̌̄͜l̷̡̨̨̘̦̗͈͚̱̖̰̯͇̝̪̹̹͔͈͓̮̙͊́͐̇̍̈̽͆͊͛̓͛̄̓̍̕͝ͅͅͅl̵̨̢̨̢̦̳͙̩̝̹̤̣̟̱͌̌̑̏͑̐́̐̒̋͐͒͌̽̄͐̈́́́̇͐̉͗̾̋̃̄̿͘̚͘ē̷̢̡̺͇̯̥̜̣̜̫̘͆̊̐̈́̍̈́̐͛̆̈́͂͊̓̿̀̚͘̕̚ͅş̷̧̛̳̝͎̠̺̖̱̝͙̞̊̍̇͒̈͂̿̿̃͒̏̓͋̒̎̿̈́͐̈́̅̚͘͜͝ ̴̹̱͔̪̤͓͂͌̔͐̂̈́̀̚̕͜͝e̶̳̠̓͛̾͆̈̈́̀̈̉̉̇͆͆̎͋̋͑́̂̈́͝ͅn̷̠̳͔͎͚̠̊̌͒͂̄͌̂̔̎͊̐͋͛̽͑̅̉͗̉̐̐̄̾͑̾͘̕͘͜t̴̢̳̪̬̮̬̟̮͇̰̻̦͆͗͋̍͑͌̍̅̈́͊̕͠ě̴̛̞͖̙̰̭̬̰͎̫̯̋́̂̈́͛̅̉̅̀̑̒̎̇͑̾̆̓̓͘n̶̨̨̨̗̻͎̬͈͓̙̯̟͉̣͕͉̫͔͈̜̹̤̮͕̺̖̿͆͛̓̓͜d̷̨̹̗̟̞͈͔͙͙̺͇̑̃̊̉͛͆̊̓̏̈́̑e̷̲͊̀̿̍͒̂̈́̆͂̍͒̽̆̉̈́͘͘͠n̵̨̨̛͉̱͔̩̺̭̗̲̞̺̬̙̺̗̖̦͈̺̭̩͌͆͐͛͒̾̐̋̐̈́̾̋̓̉̍̍͛͌̿͂̓̈́̊̈́̓͂͘̕t̷͈̮̱̯̻̪̬̦͉͈̠̰͓̤͎͇̞͈͓͔͖̔̈͑̓͌̃͊̓͗̉͂̾͋͊̕͘͜͝͝͝ ̷̡̛̉͂̐͌̎͐̉̈́̉̑̂̈́͆̒̾̋̈͂͒̀̌̚̚͝͝l̸̛͍̹̜̤̥̥͛͋̾̈́͛͛̐̔́͒̀̍͆̆͋̿̈̐̌͆͘̕͠e̸͇̬̬̣̪̋͑̒ ̸̲̈̿̉̊̾̍̿̏̽̿͊̎̽͂̅͑̃̉͊͘̕̕͝ŝ̶̡̭̳̯̘͉̺̩̳̋̍͋i̸̡͉̣̗̲̗̼̬͔̫͉̯̼̜͆̈́̿̒͂̕̚͝f̴̞͒͗́̊̚̕͝f̸̧̢̟̼͇̫̠̖̜̲̪̳͔̮͙̼͎̻͍͉̘͍͛̃̒̐̌̈́͊̋̄̇̑͑̐̋͘͜ͅl̴͉͓͓͙̠̥͇̝̦͍̖̪͇̭̖̬̫̪̈͊̏̇͆̍̀̽̋̓̓̌͐͝͝e̸͙̠͙̱̞̣̹̭̝̳̽̆͆̃̍͑̆͠m̶̨̡̛̛̮̳͕͚̝̻̳̞͚̖̳̜̱̼̜̝͎̳͌͆̃̿̈̓͗̾̓̈͒̈́̒͊̈́̈́̂̈́͌̾̉͛̈ͅͅê̵̥̞̥͚̖̜͖͕̓̂͆̅͘n̴̛͇̟̗̆̊̒̅̐͋̀̆̎͜͝͝ţ̸̢̡̧̧̯̮̭̫͎̫̺̙̺͇̣̳̩̳̣̞̥͚̖͕̯͈̈̑̐̈́͒͛̂̆̉̅͋͛̒̔̒̉͋̎̈͌͘͝ͅ ̵̧̜̂̆̒̾͂̀d̵̨̛̥̠͇̤͕̪̪̺̩͙̹̩̜̟̜̺̹̺̘̭̠̤̮͓͉͙̔̃̇͊̎͆̀̏͐̃̆̒͂̋͋̾̅̽̔̏̈́̍͆̋͘͜͝ͅͅe̸̢̠̲̰̯̼̦̔̈́̉͛̈́̆͐̌͗͆̆̈́̇̀͗ ̶̧̛͚͙̮̙̬̟͉̺̜͉̖̺̼̮̗̥̰̮̅̊̈́̍̓̓̅̅͐̅̒̅̅͋̒̈́͒̓̂̆͒͆͋̕͝ͅͅm̷̡̡̛͍̪͕̺̗̥͇̞̤͈̪̘̼̙͍̻̦͇̺̗̱͙̯͈̖̲̥̂̐̂́̒̕͝͠o̵̢̧̢̢̪͈̖͉͓̝̠̲͈̯͙͍̣̤̍́̆̅̊̉̓̇̔͂̊́̅̔̑̒͑͂̄̅͘̕͝͠͝n̷̢̡̗͕̯̥̻̳̦̪̦̘͎̺̘͇̮̟̭̏̉̆̈́͑̿̔̒̃̂̓͆̀͊͒̑̇͐͆͜͝͠ ̸̢̧͚͕̹̗̫̻͍͈̞̞͎̠͍͚͙̼͖̭͔̹̮̰͎̼͉͇̥͊̓̓͗̽̃́͛͋̒̔͑͂͗̊͊͒͆̀̑̍̿̆́͘͜͜͝͝c̶̨̧̢̛̯̩̪̪͈̠͇͍͚̾̔̀̏̍̈́̍̐̈̇̑͊̑͌̊͌́̃̇͘͝͝͠͠h̵̢̡̛͓̣̳͓̜͈̲͉̯̙͓̭̪͈͓̼̹͎̞̭̳̞͍̫̙͈̔̏͋̅̃̋̿̾͒̆́̽̎͒̄͆͘͘͜͜͠ͅȩ̷̢̡͕̦̮̻̩͖͉̖̼̯̝͙͗̈͗̈́́͂̋͐̑͐̊͆̾̔͒̚͘͝ŗ̶̧̧̢̧̬͈̫̹̣͖͈̖̰̟͚̯̤̼͙̣̑̊̃͂́̽͆͛̏̓̅̅̓́͑̈́͒̀́̈́̐̉̇̋̕͘̕͝͝ ̶̨̨̢͖͕̭̥̜͇͖͍̜̞̪̘̣̭̥̥̿̌͂̍͛͌͂̚t̴̨̨̟͓̺̹̭͓͚̥̣̬͍̝̫̘͔̣̙͖̮̫̣͔̲̣͍͍̉̄̑͂̂̏̓̊̂̐̓͘͜ō̸͉̭͍̮̍̈́̓͐̂r̶̢̲̭͙͍̞̲̟̞̜̘̪̪̦̲̫̒͂͆̓̑͋̌͘͜͝͝ͅt̵̨̨̫̼͇̟̪̯̭̟̣̲̗̆̅̀̇̃̿͗̉̒̓̔̆̎͒̈́́̑̏̈̚̚͠͠ͅi̴̢͔̦̗̥̩̝̰̞̺̠̻͔͎̪̝̟̪̙̗͖̣̭̗̞̩͈̯̰͙̝̭̽̉̔̈͛̍̈́́̎̇̚͜͝͝o̴̡̢̡̱̗͈͈̳̩̹̺̞̝̝͕̳̜̮͙͙̮̬͉̗͕̝͉͗̿͛̔̏͊͗͑̐͒͆̔̄̇͒̔̿͒̑̓̚͜͜͠͝͝n̸̨̡̻̰̤͙̪̥̮̭͙̫̤͚̏͗͋̆͜n̶̢̨̡̨̨̨̘͎͈͓̝͖͈̭̗̭̼̬̥̠̦͎̮̺̪͈̤̯͎̥̓͆͆̾̆̈̓̆͆̒̆̏̂͌̑̎̔̇̈̊̾͘͜͝͝͝a̸̫̬̪̳̦̹̬̗̼̳̔̀̐̕̕î̶̧̛̺̺̩͖͖̝͔̤̠̞̤̲͉̠̳͚͉̼̙̎̎̈́̇̋̓̄̓͂̓̎̈̍͐̒̽̏̑̋́̇͊̽̓̊̓̕̕͜͝͠ͅŗ̷̨̛̯̯͖̹̦̣̫̜̟͉̘͇̪̯̲͍̣̙̙̉̂̿̉̊͊̑̾̍̑̓̆͆̂̈́͌̉̀̉̐̎̋͆͠ͅe̶̛̛̪̥͔͍͚͚̿͌̌̅͛͝͠ ̴̧̨͚̺̥͎̳͉̼̯͖͍̣̺̥̤͙̠͎̰̉͗͐̎͛͒͌̈͌̾̃͊̆̊̄͒̃̅̈́̉̅̕̚͘͜ͅq̸͉̩͈̎̈́̀̿̐̎͒̽̃̊͘̕̕͝͝u̷̡̝̲̬͈̤͔͎̳̍̑̄͗̔̆́͐͌͛̓̍̈́̽̒͂̌̈͊̓́̒͌͛̾̚͘͝͝͝͠e̷̛̛̛͕̲̝̻̮̯̺̞̪̳̪̼̪̳̲̣̰̺͍͎͇͔̣̹͒̋̔̐̾̋̈́̀̈̈́͆̆̈̔̾̚̕̚͜͠͝ͅ ̸̨̡̛̦͓͇̥̪̮̼̺͈͉̖͔̓́͗̽̓͗̎͊̋̈́̉̃̎̃́͆͌͒͑̇̾̍͒̑͘̕̚͝͝j̶̨̛͖͎̭̥͖̪̳̤͚͉̝͖̝̤̣̳͒̊̉̊̃͛̃͆̒̽̏͆̓̔̕̕͝’̶̨̢̨̰͕̪̲̜̹̪̖̙͍̜̱̹̝̭̪͈̗̤͗͊̌̐̄̆͆͛̏̏̌̈́̉̽͗̔̓̚͜͠ͅą̷̘̗̩̗̜̩͖̭͉͚͚̬͎̜͍̩͎̥͚͚̖͎̞̜̝̠͇͙̗̅̄̏̓͌̌̓̇̆͗̓̇͑͊͒̓̽̅̒̾̚̕̕͠͠͝ͅḭ̴̼̗̝̟̦̺̼̣̤̤̮̯̫̗̻͓̙̱͖̜͈̫͈̣͙̭̃̍̈̆̓̊̓͗̕͝m̵̡̨̞͙̠̣̭̝̭̹̗͎͈͕̯͕̜̙̤͕͙̹͍̰͕͔̩̏̓̚͜͜e̷̢̡̨̛̛̺̰̥̘͇̥̜̮̣̱͍̥̼̩͕̫̞̯̿̇̽̒̂̒̍́̋̆͒̇̔̋͋͂̇̈́̔ͅ ̶̡͈̜̹̱̼͕͙̝̟̳̟̲̭̳̠͕̩͙̖͉͇̜͙̬̯̝̱̮͜͜͠j̴̛̞̿̽̓̒͑̈́͑̿̃̔̐͋̇̊̍̄͋̒̀̽̓́̃̒͌̃̕̚̕͝é̶̡̨̫̥͈̘̞̞͔̻̘͒̏̿̾͑͘ͅ ̵̡̡̡̡̧͕̗̪͚͈̫̙̘̙̞̩̟̜͓͕̙͇̖͙̰̪̥̫̭̃̐̍̌̈́̇̉͗̐͆͐͘v̶̡̢̨̧̛̟̫͔̫̹̲͉̬̬̱̰̘͓̟̟̜̮̫͚̼̟̟̘͂̃͗͗͆͂̐̚ͅͅo̷̻̭͉͚̥̳͕͇͔͕͖̳̯͂̃̈́̈́̈̒̔̓͛̈́͗̆̑̀̍̏̒̉̒̈̾͘͠͝͠͠͠͠ù̶̢̥͈̟̘̭̯͕̞̬͉̪͉̲̦̣͍͎̰̞̦̯͉̥̼̄̓̾̂͊̿͐̔̏̾̂͐̒s̵̢̡̡̟͈̣̠̬̣̪̗̰͓̹̝͈̤͉͉̟̘̦̪̱̖̖̫̫̼͆̌͊̄̿͂̆̾̍͛̑͌̅͛̃̈̀͊̚͘̚̕̚ͅ ̵̢̺͍̳̮̙̖̓̿́̎̒̉͐̽̃̓̐̀̅̏̓͛͂̃̅͛̓̍̆̕̚͝ȩ̴̨̧̧̮̰̙̮̘̫͔̠̱͇͚̜͖̖̟̱̿̽̐̾̌͠n̷̨̧̡̢̛͔̤̹̝̥̻̮̜̜̪͈͖͎̥̪̜̱̼̥̝̖̈́͂̊̇͑͋͌̑̌̉̈́̑̀̎̅͝͝͝ͅ ̶̡̛͇̥͖̰̲̤̟̰͍͚͈̗͈̭̉̂̓͌͒͌̅̇̄͛̈̊̾̊̿̉̇̀̏̅̾̀̓͛̽̍̃͘͜͠s̶̨̧̢̳̠̪̞͕͍͉̠̱͚̯͚̟̈́̓̔͌̊͊̇̓̏̀̈̉̿́̄̾̇͑̾̀̈̈̈́̄̈̈́͘͠͝ừ̷̡̱̩̗̭̼̝̥̜͈̜̣̫̣͈̐̓͛̑̓̅̐̇̀̾̇͊̃̿͋̋̐̃̈̈͆̈̌͘͝͠͝p̶̛͉̖̞̙̯̣̮̬͎̒̍́͑͆͐̋̈́̇̽͆̉͂̓͆̒̾̔̊̈́͜͠p̵̡̨̼̗̥͉͕̼͉̥͕͎̫̯̉̔̋̒l̸̢̧̧̨̻̳͎͖͓͖̥͙͍̮͍̺͎̭̟̝̤̭̯̺̭̳̭̇͒͆̊̍̾͑͐̓̆̕͜ͅǐ̶̡̢̨̨̯̝̫̰̣͓̫̗̼̫̭̭͉͚̹͕̳̹̜̫̇̑̕e̵̢̛͖̜̲̳̋̒̊̄̉̈̾̀͐͊͊͐̔̽͌̈́̾̉͐̂̃̇̓̚͝͠͝ ̷̡͔̲̳̭̮̥͕̈͆̈̒̔̈́͊̈́̋̇̃̇̓͋̐̌̄̓̿͆̐̉̀͋̚͝͝͝͝ͅj̸̡̡̨̢̣̣͙̳̩̩͈̹͍̩̳͈̯̖̜̤̙̞̝̉̎̔̑̾̽̒̾͊̎͘͘͜͝͝ȩ̵̣̫̺̬̥̞̲̪̠͍̤̳̘͍̲̗̬̱̿̾͗̈́͊̉̒̊̍̍̎͂̾̊͊̉̈́͘̕͜ͅ ̷̨̡̧̖̘͎̦̤͍̩̣̖̫̫̠̻̰̼̹̩͕̑̄̑͛̔͛͂͐̃̚͜͝ͅv̷̢̢̡͇̰̳̱͚̟̣͙̠͓̮̫͔͕̝͖͕̣̤̥̘̖̍̄̽͌̏̊̊͗̅͒̃̔̋͐̈́̔͗͛͜͝͠͝͝ó̷̪̲͍̻̓͐͑̒̎̉͋̏͐̈́̌͐̆̆̇͒̓͘̚̕̚̕͝ǘ̷̼͔̮̠̤̭͗́̑̿̒̋͝s̴̭̘̝̯̫̻̬̥͍̲̖͎͍͒̈́͒̌̈͆̕ ̷̧̧̧̲̮͓͓̖̻͇̞͕̰̗̘̜͉̠̙͖͇̯͙̹̅̌͆̐̽̐̈́͐͐͂̑̽̏̀̀̂͊̾̔̒̃̇̕̚̕͠͠͝͝͝ͅĕ̷̦̞̰͕̩͓̦̖̮͉̺̳̞̭͖̜̥̤̤̝͈̫̞̥̼͕̓̄ņ̵̡̢̲͔̟̥͍̼̝̺̹̹̖̮̞̯̘̗̤͉͕̙̝̻̗̭̃̆̎͑͐̈͂͑̌̔̓͛͌͊̍͆̓̌̅̐̔̕̚͠͝ ̴̢̛̛̰̪̺̘̞̩͍͉̬̜͉͖͍̹̙̥̈́͐͐̄͆͋̆͆̇̈́̕͝ͅs̷̛̛͙̣̹̟͕̖̝̲̟̠̮̠̳͈̭̹͇̪͗̿͊͆̏͛͑̌̔͛̈́̂̅̀͗̈́̎͊̎̓̒̍́̈͘͝͠ŭ̸͕̘̎̆̉͋̔͒̓͊̍̓͌̾̇̄̔͋̓͘͘̕p̶̧̧͍̹̣̭̬̱̣̟̜̺̺̞̰̥͎̯̣̬͙͎̙̤̯͙͚̺̯͔̫̪̈́̇̂̄͒̏̂̈́̎̂̐̃̑̂̆͌̈́̀̿̔͂̓͛͘̚͝͝ͅp̴̢̥͈̫͚̫̭̯̘̮̦̼͈̬̰̪̙͍̭͎̘̝̜̘̙̗̈́͜ḽ̵̡̡̢̧̨̬̱͙͖̥͓̮̭̩̪͚͎̫̪̺͔͉̰͕̤͉̠̈̇̐̅̌̉̍̿͑̈́͋̉̅̾͐̏͋͑̂̈͌̏̾͑̿͘̚̕͜ͅͅi̴̫̯͍̲̝̠̜̹͚̙͉̗͙͚͉͓̙̬̯̼̳̞̗͍̗̜̳̰͉̞̪̔͐̔̈́̊̿̈́͑̋͊̈̈͊̐̋̌͑͂̐́̍̚̚͜͜ḛ̷̘͍̖̻͖̭͚͖̈̅̔̽́̃͌̓̏̏̇̂̚͠͝ͅ ̷̢̙̩̹͓̰̥͎͎̥̩͖̺͇̻̹̙̱̙͙̰̿̐͂̏͒͒̉̏̈́̊͗̕͜͜n̵̢̳͔̻͍͉̖̘͕̰̦͈̦̳̗͑̀͆͑̂͌̎͌̋̎̊̾̆͆͋̓̈͆̊͆̂͑͘͜͠͠͝ę̵̛̛͖͖͖̰͚̣̼̯̭̣̜͉̔̒͌̑͐̀̅̔̿͂̎̆̓̋͂̄̿̊͛̊̊̾̍̚͘͜͠͝ ̸̤̈̊̄̀͆͗͂̈́̈́̔̽͆̿͊̇̎̚̚͘m̶̮͍̱̣̣̱̊̿͊é̴̛͈̆͂̑̃̄͋̈́̏͆̎̄̽̈̿̍̋̔̀̒̌̌͆͛̈̃͘̚͘͠͝ ̷̢̢̣͉̫̻͚̰̦͖̯̟̱̩̲̠̣̟͎̤̘̖͍͚̫̱͖͍͗̃̅͌̈́̍́̌̉͊͐̽̅̔̌̃̇̆̅͒̌̅͋̓̕̕͘͠͝ͅm̸̢̢̦̝͉̖̟͉͎̘̟̣͙̲̭͈͈͇̳̪̲̩͇̈́̋̃͜e̴̩̅̅̓̓͘̕͠t̷̢͈̼͕̜̱̲̫͂̓͊̔͋̄̊̆̈̈́̒̉̑̚̚̕t̵̢̡̡̞̹̤̺̬̲̟͚͎͖̖͙̼̠͇̰͔͖͎͙̜̪͙͛͊̎̽̒̿͆͊͋͑͂̅͐̈͛͗̅̓̐͛̔̓̄̂̎̽̂͘̕̚͘͜͝e̷̡̛͈͈͎̰̬̝̜̬̹͙̦̱̰̬͕̭͚̘̪̻̔̾͂̎̉̂͑̿̓́̍̓̂̔͒͒̌̉̉̽̿̈̒̐̕̚͝ẑ̵̺͌͑͆͂̂͗̔̐̊̇̌̏̈̓̕͘̚͝͝ ̷̛̛̛̺̦̰͉̙̰͔̣̊͑̆̾̀͌̏̌͐̌͊͋̓̋̋̐̎̑̌͒̄͒͘͘͝͠͠͝ͅp̶̨̛̛̰͓͓̙̲̯͎̃͋̆̀̔̆̆͆̌̊̐̂͑̿͒̿͆̊̽̊̊̈̄͑̐́͊̓͆͝ͅȃ̵̹̳̩͉̤͓͓͎̦̮͇͚̦̗̠͍̉͆̌̿̅͑̂̄̎̓̒͂̑̏͒͛͐̅̃̕͝͝ͅs̶̡̘̰̝͖̱͔̘̙͕̫͔̪̻̖̼̼̘̭̫̜̼̫͔̓̏͋̿̑́͆̄̎́̍͆̐̎̈͊͘͝͝͝ͅ ̷̩̝̾̔̿́̒̈̉͋̆̒̇̍͛̅͊̎̋̚̕͘͜͝͝͝͝͝͝ͅd̸̢͈̫̳͇̪͕̦͍̰̠̬̪̲̼̰͉̠̩͙̮̹̩̲̋̈́͜ã̷̞̺̳̪̖̟͓̮͎̝͐̀̆̃̿͒̋̿̽̿͛͗͗̋̒̽̅̇͛͐̈̓̆̔̕͘͝͝͠͠ņ̷̡̨̡̞̦͖͍͕̭͙͕͚͎̣̪͙̼̦̻͓̟͇̼͉̓͛̿͂̎͒̆̒̍͗̌̑͌̃̉̈́͘ͅs̴̼̠̪̍͑̑̆̓͑͊͗͂̊͛̐̈́̍̕͘͘͠͝ ̶̢̡̧̛̯̙̞͖̥͖̠͖̯̻͈̖̹̭̗̥̱͕̣̟̹̣̰͓̩͚̙̎̓̂̊̈́͌̓̈́̎͛́̎̐̏̄͑͆̐̌̏̽̎͆̏̈́͑͗͊͛̋̕͝ͅl̶̼͚̭͖̼̻̰͛́̋̽̾̈́̌͒̎̏̒͌̋͜͠͠͠ẽ̷̡̡̢̢̛̜̣̻̗̭͉̬̙͉͙̞̋̆̽̀̑̒̍̽͑͋͆͋̎̕͘͜ ̷̨̛͕̪̪̼͎̣̻͎̘̥̠̩͙̭̳̥̗͈̜̗͕̪͍̋̾̈́̊͑̈̊̏̒̏̆̈́̎̆̏̈́̕̕̚͘͝͝͝͝ͅt̵̰̟̩̱̬̪͚̘̭̱͚͇̼̭͇̤̗͙̻̼̯͉͓̱̣̯͇̽͛͗̽̀̈́̌͆̚͜͝ͅͅͅa̷̡̡̨̢͇̖̠̯̬̘̘̮̲̤͚̝̠͙̟̺̯͕͚̮̬̟̋̀̄̏̃͜ͅȕ̴̢̻̫̼͍̗̺̰̠͕̹͓̖̫͖̗͍͂͋̽͊̓̚͜ͅr̴̨̨̧̧̛͚͙̭̣͓̖̰̘̻͎̥͔͕̪͉͈̭̭̆́͆̀̏̿̓̂̍̽͊̓̇̈́̄̂̽̆̓͂͗̀͂̕̚̚͜͜͝͝ę̸̡̡̡̡̫͈̬̙̺͉͇͔͙̖̮̼̂̌̊͌̓̂̆͒̋̈́̓̐̈͛̎͂͊͗̂̈͑̕̕͘̕͠͝a̸̱̟̺̣̹̦̭̳̮͐̽̐̈́̽̂̿̅̀͑̂̀̒̒̄͂̐͋͂͂̈́͐u̸̡̬͓͕̝͔̰͉̰̪̱̖̥͊̆̿́̾̌̊̊̆̐̐͛̈͂͊̄͂̿̈̓̎̉̄̊̂́̀̋̕͜͜͠
̴̣͔͍̤̓̔9̵̬̉̐̚͜ͅ9̶̟͎̲̝̆9̸̮͓̂͆̄̊̔9̶̳͐9̷̧̞͂9̶̯̫̻̻͖͗̓̇͘9̷͓̿̄̆̿̕9̸̠̭̦̎̍̆9̷̪̗̆̊9̶̗͓̻͇͐́͐9̶̱̂͑9̴̦̲͙̜̑̂̈́9̸͚͎̟͑͛͋͝9̷̙̲̼͈̀͝9̷̪̌̒9̸̧̬̗͆9̸̗̗̟͙̟̆͂9̸̫̜̼̱̂̔9̵̜̱̀9̷̦̤̓̄͗9̸̬̺̂9̷̭̼͎̒9̴̲͓͍͛́̽͂9̷̬̺̀̿9̷̨̰̣͖̉̕͠9̴̬̠̙͍̄͝9̸̰͕̺̐̿́̇9̷͖͔͙͔̯̌9̸̢̗͙͓́̉͊͜9̵͕̲̀͘͝9̷͇͓̞̒̓
̴̣͔͍̤̓̔9̵̬̉̐̚͜ͅ9̶̟͎̲̝̆9̸̮͓̂͆̄̊̔9̶̳͐9̷̧̞͂9̶̯̫̻̻͖͗̓̇͘9̷͓̿̄̆̿̕9̸̠̭̦̎̍̆9̷̪̗̆̊9̶̗͓̻͇͐́͐9̶̱̂͑9̴̦̲͙̜̑̂̈́9̸͚͎̟͑͛͋͝9̷̙̲̼͈̀͝9̷̪̌̒9̸̧̬̗͆9̸̗̗̟͙̟̆͂9̸̫̜̼̱̂̔9̵̜̱̀9̷̦̤̓̄͗9̸̬̺̂9̷̭̼͎̒9̴̲͓͍͛́̽͂9̷̬̺̀̿9̷̨̰̣͖̉̕͠9̴̬̠̙͍̄͝9̸̰͕̺̐̿́̇9̷͖͔͙͔̯̌9̸̢̗͙͓́̉͊͜9̵͕̲̀͘͝9̷̴͇͓̞̣͔͍̤̒̓̓̔9̵̬̉̐̚͜ͅ9̶̟͎̲̝̆9̸̮͓̂͆̄̊̔9̶9̷̭̼͎̒9̴̲͓͍͛́̽͂9̷̬̺̀̿9̷̨̰̣͖̉̕͠9̴̬̠̙͍̄͝9̸̰͕̺̐̿́̇9̷͖͔͙͔̯̌9̸̢̗͙͓́̉͊͜9̵͕̲̀͘͝9̷͇͓̞̒̓
̷̔̈́̋́ͅ1̶̰͍̘̳͒̔1̸̜̘̐̿͂9̸̠̯̫̈́9̵͎͐̃̈́̃̚9̴̡͓͈͖̪̔̀̾9̷͍̬̠̰̓9̵̮͔̞̬͂͛̓́9̶̗̼͖̿͋̑́̋9̶̗͉̖́̎͊̚͝9̴̱͐̌9̵͕͉̈́̒̐̚9̴͚͉͓̃9̶̨͍͖̣̝̈́̌9̶̡͙̬̠̆̚9̶̧͖̍̈̈͊͜p̸͔͉̠͛9̸̞͌̈́9̷͕͕̪͒9̸̛̫͑̓9̷̡͉͔̳̉̋9̶̙̈9̷̨̢̙̺̼͊̏9̵̧̙̣̼̂́̑͌͝:̴̬̰͔̬̻̈́͌̆9̵̢͉͛9̸̢͇́̆ͅ9̶̢̞̠͎͛͑̅ͅ9̶̳͚͇̯̊9̵̖̃̃̒͗9̵͖͉̜͔͆̋͝9̸͈͖̭͎̈́̐ͅ9̶̧̣̑͋͝9̸͕͂͂͊͝9̵̓͐̋̄̆ͅ9̸̼̺̿̑̽9̸̟̘͉͋̈͝9̶̨͍͛͠9̶̡͍̠͔͍̏̈̿͠9̸͓̯̲͉̦̇͝9̵̜̲̘͋̔̔̕͜9̶̨̬͛̍͝9̴̡͎̖̳̱̌9̴̘̈́9̷̢̡̪̱̑͛1̶̫̭̻̝̈̓͗̑͜͝1̶̙̣̣͆̏͐
̷̰̝͚̼̎̃9̶̻̠̬͆̊9̵̜̠̙̱̿9̵͍̑9̵͖̲͉̂̾̊9̸͖̭̿͐9̴͎͍̓̕9̸̤͖̈́͛͘͝9̸͕̮͛̊͘9̴̳͆9̴̻̌̍̎9̶̧̑́̃9̸̺̮͚̓̾̆̽9̸͔̿̎̍͝9̸͚̖̅̌͝ͅ1̵͓̹̙͍͔̍̈́̾9̶̻̻̭͖̂́̏̓̂9̵̡̟̭̰̒͊9̵͉͔̻͚̈́̄̄9̷̥̭̙̼̼̃̈́͛9̸͍̦͓̂9̴͎̲͋̽̔̓:̵̦̺̲̌̀̌9̷͍̺̈͑͒͘ͅ9̴͚̬̾͐͝9̴̢̫̉͒̌̍9̷̨̜̠͍͓̒̈́̅̃̆9̸̟̘͎̬̭͒̈́͂͒9̷̛͚̗̑͝9̵̬͉̼̣̝͋̑9̴͓̹̟̟͚̈́̓͐m̴͔͉͖̗̍̈́͑͠9̸̛̺́͂͗̽9̵̮͐͘9̸̖̖̊̅̒͐ͅ9̸̠̹͆̐͊9̴̢̞͍͙̯̓́̈̈͆9̶͈̓̅̉͒9̶̣̣̓̈́̇̕9̷̖̋9̸̡̪͚͑9̴̻̩͈̼͒̏͊̈́͝9̴̨̿9̷̭͊̇͜
̴̣͔͍̤̓̔9̵̬̉̐̚͜ͅ9̶̟͎̲̝̆9̸̮͓̂͆̄̊̔9̶̳͐9̷̧̞͂9̶̯̫̻̻͖͗̓̇͘9̷͓̿̄̆̿̕ 9̴̬̠̙͍̄͝ 9̷̴͇͓̞̬̦̒̓͊̀͐ ̶̦̭̠̭͚͋͛͘ ̵̦̞̭̏̈́̊͝ ̷̡͊̃̇̕̚ ̵͓̂̍̐͌̆ ̷̯̱̑̓ ̵̰͙̞͎̥̋ ̶̛̖̘̏̀͂͆9̸͉̯̻̙͂̈̍͋ ̷̦͈͂͂̚ ̷̖̮͂̐͘ ̷̗̺͈̫̄̾̊ ̴̖̙̹̣̋̍̾ ̴̳̥͇̽̃͒͑ ̴̡̙̮̮̹̔̃9̵̳͔̦͚̐9̷̦͎͕̈͊͠9̵̧̧̞̟̖̈́̋͝9̷̩͕̝͓̥̏̈́͝ ̷̤̒̂̓̈́̈́ ̶̜̓ ̶̨̠̖̆͋̽͝͝ͅ ̸̮̘͎́̓͆́́ ̷̹͉̦͙͊̃͘ ̸̼̜͌̈́͗̒͋ ̶̮̖͗͋̕ ̵̝̘͍͗̎9̶̛͕̝͗͠ ̶̧̱̺͆̅͆͘͝9̷̖͗̈́͌̅͌ 9̴̬̠̙͍̄͝ 9̷̬̺̀̿9̷̨̰̣͖̉̕͠9̴̬̠̙͍̄͝9̸̰͕̺̐̿́̇9̷͖͔͙͔̯̌9̸̢̗͙͓́̉͊͜9̵͕̲̀͘͝9̷͇͓̞̒̓
9̷̬̺̀̿9̷̨̰̣͖̉̕͠9̴̬̠̙͍̄͝9̸̰͕̺̐̿́̇9̷͖͔͙͔̯̌9̸̢̗͙͓́̉͊͜9̵͕̲̀͘͝9̷͇͓̞̒̓ 9̴̬̠̙͍̄͝ ̸̦͙̋̉1̸̲̱͌̈́́͛1̶̨͗́̈́1̵̤͈̤̽̑1̵̲̺̦͕́̀ 9̴̬̠̙͍̄͝ 9̷̬̺̀̿9̷̨̰̣͖̉̕͠9̴̬̠̙͍̄͝9̸̰͕̺̐̿́̇9̷͖͔͙͔̯̌9̸̢̗͙͓́̉͊͜9̵͕̲̀͘͝9̷͇͓̞̒̓
̵̧͖̄̀9̸̛̟̇̔9̶̭̅͂̓̈́͑9̷̠̩̫̽̉͌̏̂9̷̢̮̪̜̮̎̃̐͒9̴̢̛̦͇̒̉̍9̵̱̳͖́̉͛̌̆9̴̛͇̙̪͂͂ͅͅ9̴̡̨͖̺͗̄̓9̸̥̺͚̙͚̏9̴̪̮͙̪͑̎9̷̛̛̫̫̒9̷̉͜͝9̸̳̯͈̾̊̕ͅ9̸̭̟̲̥̒͝9̵͓̆͝9̸̻̒:̷͕̔̅̐͠9̵̢͙͕̝̹̐͝9̸͇͔͂̽9̴͇̺͙̯̩̌͌͝9̷̭͉̎̂͘9̶͉͖̻̝̬̂9̵̦͘9̴͖̼̦̙͂̈́̕̚9̶̜̹̎̓9̵̨̱̆9̸̣̏̅͂̈9̴̧̙̰̮͑̐́͠9̶̩̮̤͓̑̑͑͑9̶̘̪̟͝9̶̺͝9̷̡̝̯̯͕̎́9̵̝̄̈̔̚9̵͓̮̺͔̿͛̉̎̿0̷̢̡̡̛̛̫͈̅̍͝0̷̗̤͖̌̎̈́̀0̷͚͉̘̣̍̈͜0̷̜͎͋̾0̸̺̬̙͖̆̑͋̑̾
9̷͇͓̞̒̓9̷̬̺̀̿9̷̨̰̣͖̉̕͠9̴̬̠̙͍̄͝9̸̰͕̺̐̿́̇9̷͖͔͙͔̯̌9̸̢̗͙͓́̉͊͜9̵͕̲̀͘͝9̷͇͓̒̓9̷̬̺̀̿9̷̨̰̣͖̉̕͠9̴̬̠̙͍̄͝9̸̰͕̺̐̿́̇9̷͖͔͙͔̯̌9̸̢̗͙͓́̉͊͜9̵͕̲̀͘͝9̷͇͓̞̒̓ 9̴̻̜͇̫̩̔̒̈́9̶̼̠̤͒͐9̶͔̦̥̞͊9̵̡̦̾ 9̷̬̺̀̿9̷̨̰̣͖̉̕͠9̴̬̠̙͍̄͝9̸̰͕̺̐̿́̇9̷͖͔͙͔̯̌9̸̢̗͙͓́̉͊͜9̵͕̲̀͘͝9̷͇͓̞̒̓9̷̬̺̀̿9̷̨̰̣͖̉̕͠9̴̬̠̙͍̄͝9̸̰͕̺̐̿́̇9̷͖͔͙͔̯̌9̸̢̗͙͓́̉͊͜9̵͕̲̀͘͝9̷͇͓̒̓9̷̬̺̀̿
9̷̬̺̀̿9̷̨̰̣͖̉̕͠9̴̬̠̙͍̄͝9̸̰͕̺̐̿́̇9̷͖͔͙͔̯̌9̸̢̗͙͓́̉͊͜9̵͕̲̀͘͝9̷͇͓̞̒̓9̷̬̺̀̿9̷̨̰̣͖̉̕͠9̴̬̠̙͍̄͝9̸̰͕̺̐̿́̇9̷͖͔͙͔̯̌9̸̢̗͙͓́̉͊͜9̵͕̲̀͘͝9̷͇͓̒̓9̷̬̺̀̿ 9̴̻̜͇̫̩̔̒̈́9̶̼̠̤͒͐9̶͔̦̥̞͊9̵̡̦̾9̴̻̜͇̫̩̔̒̈́9̶̼̠̤͒͐9̶͔̦̥̞͊9̵̾ 9̷̬̺̀̿9̷̨̰̣͖̉̕͠9̴̬̠̙͍̄͝9̸̰͕̺̐̿́̇9̷͖͔͙͔̯̌9̸̢̗͙͓́̉͊͜9̵͕̲̀͘͝9̷͇͓̞̒̓9̷̬̺̀̿9̷̨̰̣͖̉̕͠9̴̬̠̙͍̄͝9̸̰͕̺̐̿́̇9̷͖͔͙͔̯̌9̸̢̗͙͓́̉͊͜9̵͕̲̀͘͝9̷͇͓̒̓9̷̬̺̀̿
̸̳̠̬̐9̵̥͕̥̓͐̌̀9̴̥͙9̷̪̄̔̂̊9̷̡͖͇̈́̽͐̅9̸̘̼̯̱̎9̶̡͇͆̓9̸̲̟̺̝͖̓͂̀9̶̪̈́̂9̶̳̱̈́̈́9̴̨̧̬̲̣̅̌̏̅9̴̺͒͒
̸̣̮̾̈́9̷͙̯̈́9̶̧̢̢̳̬̈́̂̅͛́9̶̨͍͇̝̫̾9̸̹̠̗̺͓͊̂͒9̴̝̿9̷̡̧̥͓̯̆̐9̵̼̤͋̄͋̀̂9̷͖̓͆̄9̵͉̖̭̄̔͘͜9̴̢̦̞̝̝͂̂̍̉9̷̘́̄9̸̠̈̉͗̉9̶̨̙̦̩̙̍̕͝9̶̢͚̰͋̓̋͆̿9̶̘̇̈́̇̾͜9̶̖͇͔̬̞͛̿̌͝9̴̱͎̏̈́̽̑9̸̞̩̣̭̲̽͗̆̿͝
̷͙̣̹̄̊̾͝͝9̵͓͕͌̆̂͜ͅ9̵̜͈̖̃͒̽̉9̵̨̝̭̆9̸͕̱̐̉͜9̵̦̲̤̺̤̀̈̒9̸̭̽9̶̻͕̖͂͗̈9̷̙̩̻̺̪̄̋̓̽9̶̮̮̳̥͙̀9̶̧͕̙̆͊̈9̵̢̼̱͚̎͒͋̕͝9̵͚̟͉͖͉̇͐9̵̙̯̈́͑́̇̊9̷͓̦͎̘͓̍̉̎͌9̵̭̇͘͠9̷̩̹̻̿9̵̞̯̜̑̒̓9̷̨̤̭̒̂9̵̩͍̳͠9̵̖͋9̴̻̫͙̂͝9̴͕͍̋͝͝9̷̧͈̭̝̌̑ͅ9̴̲̥̤̙̙9̵̢̻̙̗͖̑̀̽͒̐9̴̢̼̘̓̑̇9̷͕̋͌9̵̟̙͉͊̽̃9̶̼̣͓͖͆̊̂̈́9̴͎̭̹̐͝9̴̟͊̎̃9̴̗̗̽̑̓9̸̱̹͎̓̃̊̇9̷̧͕̽͘9̶̻̜͓͙̖̉̏9̷̯̜̈̽
̸̖̦̦͍̈́͂ͅ9̵̬̈́̇̈́͘͠9̷͖͇̙̽̈́̍9̴̻͎̭̤̋̍́̋9̶̧̣͈̓͊̓͂9̵̭̬͔́̉͌9̸̨͍̰̣̘͗̐9̵̜͆͑9̶̟̈́̓̈́̆9̵̢͉͚̐̆̚͘9̷̯͈͂̾͒9̷̨̧̗̠̦̒̽9̵̻̑̍̈9̶̻̺̎̈́̾̈ 9̷̬̺̀̿9̷̨̰̣͖̉̕͠9̴̬̠̙͍̄͝ 9̷̬̺̀̿9̷̨̰̣͖̉̕͠9̴̬̠̙͍̄͝ 9̷̬̺̀̿9̷̨̰̣͖̉̕͠9̴̬̠̙͍̄͝ ̴̨̼͓̘̄͂̈́̒̈́9̶̢̨̛̮̒̊͊̽9̸̫̼̩̮͚̂9̶̼̦̙̣̋9̷̢̱̫͖͚̊̈́̑͝͝9̷̖̼̪̖̠͊̕̕9̶̳̰̇9̸͓̝͍̇̐͌͠9̶̤̦̒͊9̷͚͕͛9̴̯̺͕̆̈9̶̹̇̂͠9̸̭̗̳͎̔̇̚͜͠
̷̘͋̎͗͗9̸̱̮̾͌͛9̶͚̝̈͝ͅ9̷͚͈̹̉9̴̪̒̓9̸̼̑͒9̴̡̯̯̹͆̐̇͠9̶̖́̉̕ͅ9̵̨͕̗̬̐̋̉̈́9̴̡̹͕̣̃̅̈́̈̓9̶̣͚̜͈̖̓̈́͝9̵̫̲͖̗͠9̴̡̟̟̠̦̏9̶̖̠͑̓̔̈́̚ 9̴̬̠̙͍̄͝ 9̴̬̠̙͍̄͝ ̵̛̳̌ ̸̮͉̥̿̋̈̌͠ͅ9̶̥̞͋͐͒9̵̲͂̓̇̽͊9̶̲͙̪̝͖̎̐͒9̷͖̦̩̀͂̔͠͝9̷̼̫̇9̷͍̀̆͐͠͝ͅ9̴̭̪͇̑̚9̷͙̞͖̮͂ͅ9̶̹͈̯̭̪͐̑͋9̶̡̘̮̜̾̌̎9̸̺̋͒̀9̶̨̖̬̜̹̾̽
̶͍̗͙̾̏̑9̶̲̬̳͓͊̿̔͘9̸͕͔̼̓͌͛9̶̰͜9̶̥̭̫͎̺̂̓̏̕9̴̲̯̎̅̽9̷̲̪͉̭̤̊͛̈́9̸̡̲̦̭̗͑9̸̱͕̱͊̇̍͂9̴͔̩̤̂̽́̽̑9̵̪̯͖̹̀̓̿͝9̸̢̹͚̹͓͌́͒̕͝9̶̮̗͚̻̾̀͋͗͌ͅ9̴͙̤̜̊ ̷̥͓̱̠̄̚ ̷̡̳̌̇9̴̛̣͈̋9̵̲͇̈́̆9̵̨̟͉̣͐͝9̷̧̛̕9̵̤̔̚̕͘9̶͙͈̐͐͌͑9̷̠͊͒̉̎9̸̻̩͆̈9̶̡̬̾̿̚͝9̵̗͆9̸͇̓9̶̮͓̯͍̽̂̈͑
̵̫̝̱͊̚9̶̹̺̯̌͐̕ͅ9̷̩́͠9̷̲̒̓9̷̥̗̖̭̈̒̇̓9̶̨̖̘̞͈̊̈́̾͠9̴̧̦̙͒̓̇͜9̶̡͙̾9̷̰͈͚̺̰̑9̵͕̠̬̣̐̋̎9̵̫̙̩͝9̵̢̪̉̾̂́̽9̴͍͖͑͐͜9̸̧̦̬͔̑̓ 9̴̬̠̙͍̄͝ ̴̫͔͚̮̬̎͛ ̸͔͍̩͆9̶͕̬͇̆ͅ9̶͕̓̓9̵̨̛̟̥̒͗̔9̵̨̭̖̇́͘9̶̧̈̂͒9̵̭̲̬̯̈͂͐͒9̷̝̱͍̤͗͑͐͝9̷͙̩̯̇͒͝9̵̝̿̅̅͝͝9̴̰̗̘͊̄͂̔̑9̷͇̰̈̆͐ͅ9̶͙̹̣̓͆̇͠
̵̺̝͈̝̟̋́̈͒̏9̴͍̲̤̖̰͒̔͑9̴̱͕͈̠͐͊̊̒9̶͓͚͠9̸̦͘9̴̫͐̐9̸̨͚̘̜̞̈̊̈́̾9̶̨̲̻̔͆̄̿9̶̭͔̱̋͒̍̓͜9̴͕̪̹̫̈͒̅̄9̸̻̦͖̿͌͗̈͝9̶̤͆̎9̷̥̆͑̂͋͜9̸͓̱͕̒̈̏͠͝ 9̷̬̺̀̿9̷̨̰̣͖̉̕͠9̴̬̠̙͍̄͝ 9̵̹̙̟̗͊9̶̨̨͓̗̍̓̓͑ 9̷̬̺̀̿9̷̨̰̣͖̉̕͠9̴̬̠̙͍̄͝ ̷͓̼͈̔̊̉9̶̻̹̔̓̊̃9̸͕̗̋͝9̷͉̫͛͋͘9̷̳̲͈̂͜9̵͖̔̋͘9̶̰͍̒́̕͜9̷̩̂̓͑͐͘9̵̢̳̻̥̗͗9̴̢̯̮̺̱̀̚9̸̧̝̒̔̃̓̈9̶͎̬̘͇̙̋9̷͍̮̠̝́̈́͐
̷̧̹̭̾̂9̵̝̤͉̓̌̾͘9̸͚̭͓̜̾͋͛ͅ9̶̹̜̠͂̑͑͐̐9̴͕̮̆͊9̴̢̼͙̯͈͛̃9̴͍̖̊̋9̸̨̜̍̎̒͑͜9̵̣̜̤͚̑9̶̼̮̂̇̀̇9̴̘̻̠̂9̴̳̬̻̈́̈́̚9̷̙͕͑9̶̗̏9̸̧͚̜̗̀͑͌9̸̧͈̤̯̥̎͒9̶̧̨̝̦̫̎9̸̢̘͔̗̏9̴̥̈́̊͗̍̾9̶̡̈́̽̈9̸̱̼̦͑ͅ9̷̼̊͛9̶̹͊̍9̵͈̐̄9̷͈̹̤̙̄͆͗͠9̵̮͚͉̳̾͊̒͊9̴̟̼͖͑̔̾̃̅͜ ̷̢̺͈̩̎͌9̴̛̠͙̓9̶̠̘̙̫̏̇͜9̶͎̞̤̤͈͌9̷̫̇̄͑9̵̨̫͍͚͍̏9̸͙̜̹̪͗́̃̓͜9̴̻͉̳͝9̸̢̘̼̼̋͆͌͘9̸̱̠͚̈́̂͒̿͗9̴̲̳̽̚͠9̶͓̋͂̈́̍̊9̸͎̥͍̐́̈̃̾͜
̷͍͕̿̔̀̚9̸̢̞̤̾9̸͕̞̈́9̵͕̈9̷̯̤̣̰̪͑̽̌9̵̟̬̍̉9̸͓͓̪͈̒͂̌9̶̬̻̬͕̻͒̏̓9̶̢̰͑͠͝9̴̼̖̓̔9̸͈̤͎̲̩͊̇9̴̹̥̺̺̮̊̉͆̆9̶̣͈̈́̓͜9̸̢̢͍̫͉̄9̷̨̛̾͗́̎9̷̨̟͍̈́́̏̎9̵̢̠͂̑̋9̵͎̮̗͊͗͊9̵̻͋̂͋̅̅9̴̟̽9̸̘̜̟̠͙͑͐̓̐9̵̰͐̈̈́9̵̹̋͂̏9̴̟̿̈̉9̸̨͔̥̂9̴̡̠̱̙̼͘9̸̧̡̗̖̋̿͑͗͠9̵͚̹̞̩͒̓9̷͍̺̆̈́̿9̷̡͎̥͙̤́9̷̟͖̈́
̶̗̙͓̌͆̈́͝9̴̜̖̪̈́9̷̻͑9̷̬̗̎ͅ9̸͎̩̘̒͜9̸̢̅ͅ9̴̟͙̺̦̚̕̚9̶̝̲͐͐̅̐9̷̰̗̖̠͐̕9̷̥̉̄̃̚9̸̢͇̣̫̽̅9̴̛͈̠̣̇͛9̵̱̘͙̜̓̐͘9̶̢̨̞̟̗̓̃̑͘͠9̴̨̚9̵̧̯̟̠̉̔͜
̸̧̭̥̠̄̃͜
̴̢̯̳̊͗̉̊
Thursday, 4:13 am
Tim: i was about to ask if the rest of you had gotten home okay but firstly and foremostly
Tim: what the Fuck happened in our chat while we were at the prison
Eliassassin: Slaughter Rompus ?
Can grill chees with hands: the ghosts just wanted to vent their feelings and i think that’s very healthy of them!
Tim: yeah they need a few decades of therapy. i mean,,,,same,,,,,but
Tim: my trauma doesn’t manifest as warping people into random isolated rooms and strapping them to torture devices ;))) so either im doing better than i thought or my mental health standards are very low
Can grill chees with hands: yeah um i believe that’s mostly a standards thing, tim!
Can grill chees with hands: we were lucky to have jon along or it would have taken much longer to a) free ourselves and b) find each other. which could have been really really bad. i was lucky enough to get the brazen bull treatment. what with me being all desolation-y, i mean. so even though i was locked in there, when the metal started heating up it was more uncomfortable than anything else? but you two had um. more of a time.
Eliassassin: Yes, I was not a fan of being dumped into a locked room that’s just a pit full of grimy, neck-deep fog . No ledge to hoist myself up on, just smooth stone walls and near pitch darkness . And wobbly little pitter pattering and squealing coming from the opposite corner . And furry bodies bumping into my legs .
Tim: didnt you also get bit
Eliassassin: Indeed I did . Several times, with no warning . I still do not know by what .
Eliassassin: Something(s) whose mouth is a mass of needle teeth .
Tim: fun! ;) is this how you imagined your hot girl summer going
Eliassassin: Ha ! No <3
Eliassassin: Although I think yours was by far the worst, Tim, so it’s a relief you got out quickly .
Tim: lonely!powers coming in clutch once again
Tim: slaughter ghosts: hey wouldnt it be peak entertainment to put this guy in a room where literal daggers sporadically fall from the ceiling boo-oo (that’s “haha” in ghostspeak)
Tim: me: *peace signs* *fucking disappears*
Tim: slaughter ghosts: wait whered he g
Eliassassin: I just laughed SO loudly and I’m worried for my neighbours, who have a normal sleeping schedule .
Can grill chees with hands: speaking of - im going to sleep now! jon passed out the moment we got back and i am just about ready to follow suit.
Eliassassin: Oh god, we are going to get zero rest tonight.
Eliassassin: Wish me luck . I need to take a long, vigorous shower and apply loads of anti-infectant cream before I can even think about getting into my bed :)
Tim: thots and prayers,,,maybe you can still salvage ur hot girl summer
Tim: spicy deluxe edition: badass bitten girl summer
Eliassassin: I appreciate the effort, but once again, no <3
12:52 pm
Tim: [sent a photo: A selfie taken in a dressing room mirror. Tim is wearing a surprisingly normal black button-down with the sleeves cuffed at his elbows. His trousers, however, are slim fit, gleaming, black-and-gold striped, with two little white hissing snakes embroidered just below the belt loops. He has not tried on any shoes to match the rest of his clothes, so on his feet he wears only mismatched socks, one of which is tie-dyed the colours of the bisexual flag, the other of which is covered in hedgehogs.]
Tim: this is my twink boss murder fit,,,what are your thots?
Can grill chees with hands: hm.
Tim: martin, do you have an Opinion
Can grill chees with hands: oh i like it! very cool :))
Tim: im still suspicious,,,about that first “hm”
Can grill chees with hands: it’s nothing, i was just thinking.
Tim: about?
Can grill chees with hands: well since you didnt hyphenate the adjectives, there could be other meanings than “twink boss” = “elias”.
Tim: martin are you calling me a twink
Can grill chees with hands: um i think you did that actually.
Tim: well good for me ;)))) this twink has been twunk
Tim: did any of you find potential fits for saturday?? if so i need pics,, thanks in advance
Can grill chees with hands: not sure yet :/ idk which shops the rest of you are in but i went into the black tie one (i think it’s called Grayscale??) and i’ve found some possibilities, but i dunno. it’s pricey. also, it’s hard to gauge how fancy we’re supposed to look for this thing.
Eliassassin: Since it’s Elias who’s making it happen, I’d assume very fancy . Which means it is up to you if you want to crush his dreams by a) looking as weird as possible or b) looking better than him.
Tim: im going for a mix of both options personally ;))
Eliassassin: Jon and I are finding some good option B possibilities !
Tim: which are??
Eliassassin: It’s a surprise :)
Tim: r u d e
Tim: if thats how its going to be,,,im officially withholding any and all outfit pics from now on
Illegally snatched: Ah, finally.
Tim: joN ;(((
Can grill chees with hands: i guess we’ll all be um. surprising each other with our outfit choices on Saturday, then.
Eliassassin: Except for Jon and I . We’re on the same team !
Can grill chees with hands: oh and perhaps ill get to see jon’s soon, since we’re living in the same flat :))
Tim: a
Tim: are you telling me,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,
Tim: that EVERYONE in the squad
Eliassassin: Oh dear lord .
Tim: will have Early Access to jon’s Look,,
Tim: except mE
Illegally snatched: That is the general idea.
Tim: this is an outrage,,
Tim: friends, dear colleagues,, have i treated you So poorly?
Tim: (marto don’t answer that <3)
Eliassassin: Oh my goD PFF .
Can grill chees with hands: :X
Tim: i petition to be able to see jon’s fit earlier than elias,,,it may not be what i deserve, but it’s what i want
Tim: thank u for your consideration
Can grill chees with hands: *scattered unenthusiastic clapping*
Tim: *dissipates into the Lonely*
Can grill chees with hands: TIM
Tim: that was bADLY TIMED IM SORRY
Eliassassin: GOD YOU ALMOST GAVE ME A HEART ATTACK .
Tim: i SAISD IM SORRY AHHHH
Tim: the lil snakes on my trousers made me do it ;(
Tim: so uhh,,,,, can i see the uhh
Illegally snatched: If you stay out of the Lonely, yes. On Saturday, we can meet up outside the Institute before going in and you’ll be able to see what I’m wearing.
Tim: fuckin deal ;))) i want to see how much we’re going to show up elias
Eliassassin: Spoiler alert: a LOT . We’re going to show him up so hard that every single time he’s worn a tux will flash through his mind, and at the end of it all, he’ll realize that not a single one of those memories could measure up to the heels of our shoes .
Tim: this is the closest i have ever come to feeling bad for him
Tim: we’re going to destroy him emotionally and psychologically before we destroy him physically,, not because we have to,,,,but because we’re just,,so Sexy
Can grill chees with hands: i guess he should have foreseen this risk when he hired us :)) it’s his fault, really
Eliassassin: The curse of being so attractive . It’s a difficult one to bear !
Illegally snatched: I would hardly claim to be “attractive” but I do look forward to hopefully bruising, if not crushing, Elias’s self-esteem.
Illegally snatched: After some thought, I have decided to rebuke the first half of my previous statement.
Tim: sasha did you give him the death glare
Eliassassin: I gave him the death glare .
Tim: good
Can grill chees with hands: it’s for the best <3
Illegally snatched: Hmph.
Eliassassin: He fled into a dressing room .
Tim: i hope it’s to look in the mirror and realize the truth ;))
Illegally snatched: Which is?
Tim: youre a binch but,,,youre our binch <3
Illegally snatched: Thank you ever so much.
Tim: gonna pretend the heat of that sarcasm didnt just give me third degree burns ;)))
Illegally snatched: Good luck pretending.
Can grill chees with hands: dfkjl oh my god :’)
1:04 pm
Martin to Jon
Martin: so um. did tim perchance talk to you about something recently?
Jon: Ah. Yes.
Jon: We were so rudely interrupted at the planetarium, but Tim and I spoke some more afterward, before you two arrived.
Martin: right, yeah. and it was ok, then?
Jon: Yes, it was a good conversation to have. Although I must admit I was somewhat out of my depth. Feelings and such.
Martin: what do you mean? you're super articulate when it comes to human emotion :))
Jon: Ha-ha, very amusing. Especially coming from someone with skills nearly as “adept” as my own.
Martin: hey, i can communicate that stuff way better than you! just um. only when i write it down. and when i expect no one ever to read it.
Jon: Ah, forgive me for my drastic error. :-)
Martin: wow ive been attacked :)) thank you :)) lovely boyfriend :))
Jon: You’re welcome.
Jon: But anyway.
Martin: anyways. um.
Martin: any thoughts about what tim said? or?
Jon: I’m not sure. It’s complicated, I suppose.
Jon: I’ve always had a rather unsteady relationship with all this? And it is still a murky subject for me. The Eye might tell me the raw definitions of romantic attraction, aesthetic attraction, different types of admiration, but this is simply regurgitated information. I’ve heard this all before. None of it gets to the root of things.
Jon: I can never diagnose the nature of my attraction, or lack thereof, because it isn’t something one can Know. I am the only one who feels it, thus the only one who can name it.
Jon: All in all, I’m out of my depth. I need external references, Martin.
Martin: at the risk of giving you further crises, do you um. feel for tim in a similar way that you feel for me?
Jon: I. Maybe? I know I care for both of you deeply.
Jon: And in any case, I don’t know what Tim is experiencing right now. Yes, he wanted to get this off his chest, and he didn’t necessarily expect anything to come of it. But now that he has said his piece, is that all right for him? Does he /want/ things to change?
Jon: And what about you? I haven’t asked how you’re taking all of this.
Martin: honestly, im in a really similar boat.
Martin: tim is my friend, and i love him, but i just. i don't know what type of love that is.
Martin: i have a hard time with this sort of thing, too. i always have.
Martin: i guess that’s why it took us so long to make our respective moves on each other, you know? :’)
Jon: Goodness, I think you may be right. When it comes to affection, we’re complete idiots.
Martin: i think we may be idiots in more ways than that, jon
Jon: Yes, well, I’m simply listing one of the many ways in which we are severely deficient in brainpower. Now that we know this, we can effectively go back to ignoring it.
Martin: i mean...i actually think it might be best to ignore it. all of it. just for the time being. until elias is dealt with.
Martin: once that’s over with, we three can sit down and have tea somewhere and figure out what would make us all happy like real responsible adults. but we’re sort of in the middle of a murder scheme right now? and this extra thing is stressing me out.
Jon: I agree. We’ll talk about it when things are easier.
Martin: wonderful :))
Jon: Yes.
Jon: Ah, I do also want to make something very clear, Martin.
Jon: What I said. With my lackluster understanding of attraction. I don’t want you to think that I’m not
Jon: Well, it’s
Martin: it’s ok, jon. it’s um. i dont want you to be forced to put a name to anything if it doesnt feel right?
Jon: I just don’t know how to type this out, it’s driving me insane.
Jon: Martin. Stop thinking. Don’t think anything until I can figure out how to type it out.
Martin: um ok, ceasing all brain functions :I
Jon: What you said earlier about love.
Jon: About not knowing what type it is, but knowing it’s love.
Jon: It’s like that.
Jon: Except in this case, in our case, I’m fairly certain I know what type it is.
Jon: But even if I’m wrong about what type it is, that’s all right.
Jon: Because what I do know, beyond doubt, is that it’s love.
Jon: One way or another.
Jon: Anyway, ah. That may have been a bit much, you don’t have to respond, I just wanted to make things clear.
Martin: ahh no sorry it’s been a minute i am just typing and retyping, trying to respond and i just
Martin: aren’t you in a dressing room right now??
Martin: Jon, did you just write me the most romantic thing i have ever heard from a dressing room? via texting??
Jon: …Well I needed to let you know these things as soon as possible.
Jon: Should I have called you? I’ll call you.
Martin: dfkjdlk no it’s fine!! im just a bit flustered! in the middle of the dress shirts section!
Martin: definitely not hiding between the racks right now.
Jon: Of course you’re not...
Martin: bastard :))
Jon: I’d come find you but, as previously stated, I am in the dressing room, with a variety of clothes, and I doubt Sasha will allow me to leave until I have tested out the entire selection.
Martin: thats all right, do your thing, ill see you when we head back to the institute. although we might not have much time left to see each other….i have a feeling that whatever outfit you end up going with, it’ll stop my heart for good this time :/
Jon: Hm. Then let’s hope Sasha’s fashion sense is much less keen than we all believe it to be.
Martin: hey, you know that’s not true :’(((
Jon: :-)
Friday, 6:19 pm
“jonah’s personal funeral planners”
Eliassassin: So . Drinks .
Can grill chees with hands: right! we decided on this evening for that
Tim: right yeah ;)
Eliassassin: Yep .
Illegally snatched: Indeed.
Can grill chees with hands: ….where should we go then?
Tim: hhh our usual rounds maybe?
Eliassassin: I guess .
Eliassassin: We could also do slushies instead if we’re worried about being clear headed tomorrow .
Can grill chees with hands: ah good point! maybe thatd be
Tim: yeah maybe thats
Can grill chees with hands: yeah
Tim: uh
Tim: so actually guys im not really feeling it rn
Can grill chees with hands: me neither :I
Eliassassin: Oh thank goodness .
Can grill chees with hands: i didn’t want to bring the group down but honestly? i am incredibly nervous for tomorrow.
Can grill chees with hands: we’ve been joking about the ritual but. so many things could go wrong. like it or not, we are dealing with a very dangerous person. not only that, but we’ll be on /his/ territory––in /his/ temple, whose whole reason for existing is for the purpose of garnering power.
Can grill chees with hands: we don’t even have the Hunt mark yet, and getting that is, in and of itself, super risky! the fact of the matter is that we’ll be diving headfirst into endless unknowns. and if we have learned anything over the past few months, it’s that expecting things to work themselves out will do nothing for you.
Can grill chees with hands: we have to be prepared for the worst. more importantly, we have to be prepared to think on our feet.
Eliassassin: Tomorrow feels…tangled . Like a knot of thread where a dozen strands go in but only one emerges .
Eliassassin: We do have a shot at this, but Martin is right . We’ll need to be clever . And we’ll need to trust one another .
Illegally snatched: As long as we keep ourselves in clear communication without raising Elias’s suspicions, we should be all right. I realize things are never so simple, but at the very least we can minimize the unknowns in order to prevent as many minor crises as possible.
Illegally snatched: Also. All of you should keep the mirrors from artefact storage on you. Elias will likely be distracted, but in the case he decides to check up on us, we must guard against him Seeing our plans. It will be tricky enough to deal with him as is.
Eliassassin: I can’t imagine trying to isolate him if he knows exactly what we’re up to .
Tim: tbh i cant imagine elias doing Anything we want him to do,, whether or not he understands our motives
Can grill chees with hands: god, i wish we could just
Can grill chees with hands: i dunno. not have to deal with this. any of this.
Can grill chees with hands: things used to be sort of normal, you know? and it was good.
Can grill chees with hands: is it too much to have that back? to have it without facing some horrendous death or eternal suffering?
Can grill chees with hands: i want to wake up and worry about groceries and the laundry and whether or not it’s going to rain later. i want to go places with all of you and come back present and intact. i want to be able to hug my friends without hurting them.
Can grill chees with hands: i just um. i want us to live.
Eliassassin: If we can get through this, maybe we’ll finally be able to .
Eliassassin: Disconnecting ourselves from the Institute and from Elias may not solve all our problems, but it’ll get us somewhere better . I have to believe that .
Tim: yeah,, and who knows, maybe capsizing the institute will freak out the other entities enough that they’ll drop us from avatarhood too ;)))
Tim: i mean probably not but,,,
Tim: we’ll figure it out, marto
Tim: we always figure it out
Chapter End Notes
those slaughter ghosts really had to vent, huh? i wonder what they said
only 2 more chapters + an epilogue...things are coming to a close.....
my brain is too dead to write anything profound as an end summary so ill just say that elias's party is uhhh sure gonna be something!
Kudos are always appreciated, and comments are always read, responded to, and used to release ancient curses upon the world B)
You can chat with me @starryknightart on insta or the discord - https://discord.gg/G6XPzhY
Plan 8
Chapter Summary
The archival squad attends Elias's fête; absolutely everything goes according to plan.
Chapter Notes
See the end of the chapter for notes
Saturday, 5:58 pm
“jonah’s personal funeral planners”
Illegally snatched: Martin and I are outside the institute. We will wait for you both near the entrance.
Illegally snatched: Judging by the exorbitant suits and dresses of the guests wandering in, and by the quartet music emanating from the lobby, I’d say we were correct in our assumption that this would be a formal event.
Can grill chees with hands: i’ve never seen so many pocket squares in my life!
Can grill chees with hands: jon has just informed me that some of them are woven from burmese lotus flower silk, and i don’t know what this means, but it does in fact look as expensive as it sounds
Tim: maybe if i can snatch one and sell it, i can finally retire ;)) ive been toiling so long,,i just want to vibe in my bedroom with voice-activated mood lighting and endless fizzy drinks
Eliassassin: Invite me over to your retirement paradise sometime, won’t you ? I’ll bring lasagna .
Eliassassin: Also, I’m about ten minutes away !
Tim: same,,,although who knows,, i might sprint
Eliassassin: ...Is this really an event worth running for ?
Tim: no i j want to see how classy we all are,,,,
Tim: i also want people to think im in an action movie ;))
Eliassassin: They’re going to think you’re a bank robber on the loose .
Tim: a bank robber...in an action movie ;)))
Tim: with what im wearing, i look more like james bond’s bisexual cousin
Can grill chees with hands: did you go with the snake trousers then ?
Tim: oh yes,,,elias is going to lose all sense of self
Eliassassin: What, did you glue your artefact mirror to them or something ?
Tim: guyss they’re just cool trousers ;(( but i do have the mirror in my pocket,, because let’s uhh Not give away our plans right when we’re about to carry them out
Illegally snatched: As long as you all keep your mirrors close and we’re quick about finding a Hunt avatar, everything aside from the actual ritual should, theoretically, go off without a hitch. Isolating Elias during his own party will be the tricky part.
Eliassassin: Yes, but we don’t need to worry about that yet . First, let’s focus on getting the mark . Circumstances may change on us, so there is no point in wasting energy devising a plan of attack if it’ll be rendered useless by the end of the evening .
Tim: well gang, once we’re all in the lobby,,,do we split up and look for clues ;))
Tim: or should i say Hunt for clues ;)))
Eliassassin: Jinkies (derogatory) .
Can grill chees with hands: jeepers (affectionate)
Tim: f u c k (also affectionate)
Can grill chees with hands changed Tim ’s name to Fred Says Fuck
Eliassassin: Oh not this again .
Fred Says Fuck changed Can grill chees with hands ’s name to scooby snacc
Fred Says Fuck: yes this again ;)))
Fred Says Fuck changed Eliassassin ’s name to Oh no my glASSes
scooby snacc: jon just gave me the MOST confused look
Fred Says Fuck: don’t worry about it boss,, tis simply a blast from the past
Oh no my glASSes changed Illegally snatched ’s name to G-G-Ghost??
G-G-Ghost??: Fine.
Oh no my glASSes: :)
Fred Says Fuck: i like how jon skipped all five stages of grief and went str8 to acceptance
G-G-Ghost??: Oh, I experienced the rest. I have simply learned to get through them more efficiently. Otherwise, merely by observing this group chat, I would be caught in an endless cycle of the first four.
Fred Says Fuck: i consider this an achievement
Oh no my glASSes: Hey guys, I’m nearing the Institute now -
Oh no my glASSes: I’m waving ! Do you see me ?
scooby snacc: !! yes !! you look incredible !!!
Fred Says Fuck: ok im sprintinG
Oh no my glASSes: T i m .
Fred Says Fuck: im spRINGTING YOU CANT STOP ME
6:21 pm
Fred Says Fuck: have any of you tried the mini cupcakes because so far ive consumed 23
scooby snacc: tim thats a bit worrisome :’)
Fred Says Fuck: they have lil green frosting owls on them! like the institute logo! fuckngi cute
Fred Says Fuck: ironically,, you dont get to know what flavour youve grabbed until you eat it
Oh no my glASSes: I have not yet tried them but I will say the champagne is spectacular, assuming it’s not poisoned . If I do drop dead, know that I officially renounce the compliment .
Fred Says Fuck: noted,,,but can’t relate ;))) going back for more cupcakes, poisoned or no
scooby snacc: elias wouldn’t invite his peers here just to poison them, would he? that just seems like bad business practices :I
Oh no my glASSes: Well, I can currently see him speaking to a very pale, very misty group of people, and he looks nervous . Trying to hide it, but failing .
Oh no my glASSes: So in conclusion, I’m pretty sure he’d find poisoning one of the main (ex)sources of his finances somewhat counterintuitive .
Fred Says Fuck: who truly knows what elias thinks is good business practices,,,i mean he threw This event, which is pricey as hell,, and he did it to beg his donors for mercy soo
Oh no my glASSes: True enough ...
Oh no my glASSes: Jon, I know you said it’s too power-charged in here for you to parse out everyone’s avatar status, but could you just focus on one for me ? There’s a woman over near the dips that I feel compelled to talk to . Dull gray hair, flat and lanky, nearly my height, muscular in a famished way ?
G-G-Ghost??: Ah, I see her .
G-G-Ghost??: It appears that the Hunt has indeed latched tightly onto her . Perfect for us, but still . Be careful, please .
Oh no my glASSes: I won’t make any sudden movements :)
G-G-Ghost??: Why do I find that unlikel
Fred Says Fuck: uhhh
Fred Says Fuck: boss u good?
scooby snacc: oh no...elias has pulled jon into conversation with the lukases
Fred Says Fuck: akjk this can only go terribly ;)))
scooby snacc: he seems okay so far? i mean i see him over there and...he’s obviously not having fun but im not sure me stepping in would be the best decision?
Fred Says Fuck: yeah that would seem pretty sus,,,,
Fred Says Fuck: at least hes distracting elias from noticing sasha chatting up a hunt avatar,,,what do you think her name is?? what’s a hunt-y name
scooby snacc: hunter
Fred Says Fuck: marto stop being the funniest person alive
scooby snacc: sorry :/ not sure i can
Fred Says Fuck: SKDSK IM DEAD SASHA STOLE HUNTER’S CREAM TART
Fred Says Fuck: ooohhoh sasha is Speeding across the room do you see her rn
scooby snacc: no she must be in a different part of the crowd :0
Fred Says Fuck: she’s booking it hhhh
Fred Says Fuck: sash made a fantastiC decision wearing a suit instead of a dress,,,aside from almost putting me into a coma from the sheer Vibes of sasha wearing lavender, she has that maximum mobility TM
Fred Says Fuck: Hunter has Noticed the Missing Tart
Fred Says Fuck: haha yikes she’s giving chase
scooby snacc: should we do something?? like. i know this is the plan but??
Fred Says Fuck: as much as i want to tackle this woman,,,we’ve got to trust that sash will handle this. if we all leave,,, jon will be alone with elias, plus it’ll definitely attract elias’s attention and he’ll know something’s up
Fred Says Fuck: aaaand they’re both through the door and heading down to the archives!!
Fred Says Fuck: im going to pretend to be happy about the progress of our plans ;)) and not terrified for sash’s well-being ;)))
scooby snacc: yep! same here!
scooby snacc: let’s just hope she can get the mark without putting herself into mortal peril….
Fred Says Fuck: this is the one time im banking on her using absolutely every bit of her spidey powers. just,,,anything she needs to do to end up okay
Fred Says Fuck: annnnyway im going to check out the champagne,, i need a Distraction
scooby snacc: okay! just don’t go overboard, please? we probably shouldn’t be drunk for the ritual :)
Fred Says Fuck: oh trust me,,, i’ll want to savour that shit stone cold sober
Martin to Jon
Martin: hey I saw you finally got out of that conversation with elias? but then you sort of disappeared into the crowd so
Martin: i wanted to ask, was it as infuriating and pretentious as expected? you had this weird look on your face toward the end. im not sure what it was.
Jon: Well, it’s...not good.
Jon: The conversation was just that. Pretentious and offhandedly accusatory. But that’s not what I’m talking about.
Jon: Elias is trying to Know what I’m hiding from him. I’m doing my best to keep my thoughts guarded but I can feel him prying, testing for a weak spot.
Jon: I believe it was when Tim came up in conversation that Elias understood something was amiss. Peter Lukas asked whether his ex-assistant was at the party, and Elias, ever the show-off, sharpened his gaze to Look. But nothing in his eyes ever clicked. He couldn’t See the answer.
Jon: To save his dignity, Elias told the Lukases he had noticed Tim’s presence earlier. But he wasn’t looking at any of them when he said it. I could tell he was Looking for each of you.
Jon: Now that he understands that my mental defenses are the least structurally sound of the four of us, he’s raging against them.
Martin: that’s um? terrifying? youll be happy to know that sasha is off hopefully getting the final entity mark so! you won’t have to deal with him for the whole evening, assuming everything goes as it should!
Jon: Martin, I don’t know how much longer I’ll be able to ward him off. It’s taking the majority of my concentration to block his attempts.
Jon: Even thinking about what I’m hiding from him is weakening the wall between Elias and our plans.
Martin: oh gosh um
Martin: then all you need to do is think about something else, right?
Jon: Yes, but that’s not as easy as it sounds.
Martin: i guess not
Martin: okay. jon, do you see me? im over near the musicians
Jon: Yes, I see you.
Martin: come meet me over here.
Martin: come dance with me.
Jon: What?
Jon: I mean, yes, but
Jon: What?
Jon: Also, I’m the least graceful dancer you’ll ever meet, Martin. I have no clue where to put my feet.
Martin: right, so you’ll be focusing solely on that :))
Jon: Ah. That’s clever.
Jon: That’s very clever.
Jon: Although if I’m dancing with you, I doubt my focus will be on my feet.
Martin: ...did i just experience jonathan sims-style flirtation?
Jon: Difficult to say. Shall I try again in person?
Martin: i wouldn’t stop you.
Martin: and just in time! i think they’re going for a slow song next.
Jon: Hm, I didn’t realize you had the chamber orchestra’s repertoire memorized.
Martin: i may have um. asked them nicely :))
Jon: “Nicely”? No instruments were harmed in the course of this request, I hope?
Martin: okay only one /slightly/ singed tuning peg. it was for the greater good!
Martin: anyway, um.
Martin: dance with me?
Jon: I’ll do my best. :-)
Jon: Apologies in advance for stepping on your shoes. You may soon regret asking.
Martin: you know, for some strange reason? i don’t think i will.
Martin: i don’t think i’ll regret this at all.
Tim to Sasha
Tim: [sent a photo: Amongst the crowd, Jon and Martin dance together, quietly, privately. Martin wears a simple black suit with a creamy pink shirt underneath and, noticeably, heat-resistant workman’s gloves. His hair has been smoothed into place with product, but since arriving, the effect has largely worn off, and his natural curls are in the midst of reclaiming their shape. Jon is wearing a slim gray long sleeve shirt, which is tucked into a soft ankle-length skirt whose deep mauve exterior contrasts beautifully with the creamy inside. His hair is down and loose, save for a subtle braid trickling across the crown of his skull. As the two of them dance, Jon gazes up at Martin as though he has hung the moon.]
Tim: sasha my heart cant handle this
Tim: you need to come watch this with me Immediately it’s,,,,mind-numbingly sweet
Tim: i have eaten so many cupcakes and none of them were as sweet as this im gonna throw up
Sasha: However much I would love to spectate with you, I’m in a bit of a predicament right now…
Tim: wait are you still being pursued by that hunt lady?? how are you running and texting me with perfect syntax rn
Sasha: It’s complicated . I got the mark, which is good .
Tim: ,,,,,ok not sus at all??
Sasha: I’m in the tunnels . She is too, somewhere .
Tim: dflkjgdklj wait wait back up a sec,, how exactly did you get marked?? and how did you end up in the tunnels??? weren’t you just going to lead her down the hall??
Sasha: I did that, ended up in the archives . She caught up to me, swiped at me, which scratched me and made me stumble back into some boxes of files . I tried to give her the tart, but then she just looked at it with this ragged, dazed expression .
Sasha: She slapped it out of my hand . Told me she wasn’t done playing . Her face was … I don’t know . It was like her skull was sliding around beneath her skin . Getting flatter . Drooping.
Sasha: As part of the chase, she gave me a head start, and anyway, the tunnels were the easiest place to reach from where I was . So now I’m hiding in the corner of one of those empty rooms you found when looking for Jon . Currently trying to listen for the woman to gauge if she’s getting closer or not .
Sasha: At first her panting was pretty loud, and her footsteps were echoing off the walls . But she got used to the dark pretty quickly .
Sasha: Now I can’t hear her at all .
Sasha: The darkness is so heavy, Tim, especially past the phone screen . I have no idea where she could be .
Sasha: She could be here . In the same room as me . Just watching me type .
Tim: jfccc ok im sprintign to the archives what do you need me to do
Sasha: I don’t know .
Tim: cmon sash this is not the time to resist your spiderbrain i dont care what you do as long as itll make you safe
Sasha: There is too much information, too many choices to pick from . I don’t know which one is right . I don’t even know if there is a right one .
Sasha: Maybe none of them are .
Tim: ok what does that mean??
Sasha: Annabelle said something about today, and I wasn’t sure whether or not it held any weight . But now it cou
Sasha: I hear her
Sasha: Im turning off my screen
Tim: shit
Tim: hang on sash
Voice Call: Tim to Martin
[From Martin’s line, there is an undercurrent of tinkling glasses, lofty chamber music, and high-society chittering. From Tim’s line, we hear only his rapid footsteps.
Martin: Everything…all right––?
Tim: The plan is a go, I repeat, the plan is a go.
Martin: Wait, wh––Already? Where did you––Where are you right now?
Tim: Here’s the thing: Sasha got chased into the tunnels, so I’m about to hunt Hunter. Pullin’ a real-time uno reverse, if I do say so myself. But yeah, Sasha’s marked; we’re good there. It’s Plan 8 time!
Martin: And Plan 8 was the…bait-and––?
Tim: Bait-and-switch, yeah. Send Jon down to the archives while you distract Elias but like. Let the bastard know you’re distracting him. Act like you’re the most obvious distraction there ever was.
Martin: Right, so then he’ll have no choice but to go down to the archives so he can see what we're hiding from him.
Tim: And then––at long last––we have our funky little ritual.
Martin: Good. Great! Um, if––
Tim: Sick, gotta go help Sash now.
Martin: Wait, but––
Tim: Tell Jon it’s Plan 8 time!
Martin: Okay, okay, okay, yes. Sure. [Pause.] Please be careful?
Tim: Martin… [Then, with a sudden cheeky grin in his voice:] I could never .]
“jonah’s personal funeral planners”
scooby snacc: guys?
scooby snacc: um
scooby snacc: i don’t know what went wrong.
scooby snacc: i started up a conversation with elias, acting all fake-nervous while eyeing the door leading down to the archives. he could obviously tell something weird was going on and it was bugging the hell out of him that he couldn’t figure it out. a few more minutes and i’d have convinced him i definitely did /not/ want him going down to the archives, which means he’d be slinking his way there without a second thought.
scooby snacc: but then he was berating me for who knows what, and suddenly he just. stopped. there was something coiling behind in his eyes, and within a few seconds that smug little smirk was back on his face. he excused himself from the conversation before i could think of what to say.
scooby snacc: now he’s across the room, whispering something to Peter Lukas? whatever’s going on, it’s probably not good.
G-G-Ghost??: I would try to Look, but I’m sure any attempt to understand the inner workings of Elias’s mind would be detrimental not only to our efforts toward subtlety but also my sanity.
G-G-Ghost??: I’m currently in my office, at the agreed-upon position for Plan 8, but I could return to the fête if you would find my presence useful?
scooby snacc: it’s okay, i’m just going to have a drink and then um. try it again, i guess.
scooby snacc: tim, sasha, are you two all right?
Fred Says Fuck: good!! question!! uhhhhhhhhhh
Fred Says Fuck: sash and i just had a whole boss battle down here!!1!
Fred Says Fuck: but replace the villainous monologuing with TEETH
Fred Says Fuck: i found sasha pretty quickly, but just as we stepped back into the main corridor, Hunter came out of fucking nowhere and started chasing us. we rwere spRIGNTING dude SPRINTING
Fred Says Fuck: and we couldnt see a THING i almost ran face first into like 19 walls
Fred Says Fuck: but Hunter caught up and so i tried to pull a lonely on her, right?? i tried to perform a furry exorcism is what im saying
Fred Says Fuck: but she kept swinging at me with these insanE saber claws and i dodged most of them, bc ive got lightning reflexes,, but then she lunged and shoved me hard and i think i hit my head on the way down because i do Not remember what happened directly after that
Fred Says Fuck: but whenever i came to, i looked into the gloom and sASHA
Fred Says Fuck: squaring up with Hunter!!
Fred Says Fuck: and that’s not even the wildest part because apparently sasha dOES IN FACT match jon’s monster mash energy
Fred Says Fuck: and by that i mean there were More legs attached to her than there had previously been
Fred Says Fuck: and much more height
Oh no my glASSes: Funnily enough, I didn’t even notice until you pointed it out . Let’s hope this didn’t previously happen in public …
scooby snacc: um i think you would have been able to tell by the expressions of the people around you if it had??
Oh no my glASSes: Good point !
Oh no my glASSes: Also, I haven’t been in quite so stressful a situation while on the tube or at a Tesco’s .
scooby snacc: um yeah, i’d hope so! you were being chased by a half human half whatever else through a dark, eerie tunnel system?
Oh no my glASSes: Yes, that was bad . But it wasn’t the trigger . Otherwise I would have fought back earlier .
Oh no my glASSes: She had knocked Tim out cold, and was standing over him, and she slowly, deliberately, turned her eyes on me . Her mouth, the way that it was, couldn’t shape itself like a human mouth could . But I could tell she was grinning .
Oh no my glASSes: And I knew she was going to rip his throat out . Right in front of me .
Oh no my glASSes: So I made sure she couldn’t use her mouth .
Oh no my glASSes: Anyway .
scooby snacc: anyway?? :X
Oh no my glASSes: She’s a bit...tied up right now, but it won’t last, so Tim and I are heading back to the archives .
scooby snacc: right! okay! um yeah we will have a hefty chat about this later! when i can afford to spend time processing things!
G-G-Ghost??: Seconded. For now, I’ll simply say I’m glad you are both all right, if somewhat bruised.
Fred Says Fuck: tomorrow im gonna look like i got punted off a moving train but it’s fine,,,,
Fred Says Fuck: think i got some sort of splinter tho, something’s jabbing me in the hip ;((
G-G-Ghost??: That’s unenviable.
Fred Says Fuck: i knoww
scooby snacc: guys heads up, i have no idea where Peter Lukas went and im worried Elias sent him down to the archives.
G-G-Ghost??: I don’t see him, but that doesn’t mean he isn’t here. I’ll try to See if
G-G-Ghost??: Wait.
G-G-Ghost??: Something is different.
Oh no my glASSes: What do you mean ?
G-G-Ghost??: Elias, he was railing against my mental defenses earlier, but now––nothing.
G-G-Ghost??: It’s as if he no longer cares what I’m hiding.
Fred Says Fuck: uh
Fred Says Fuck: fuck,,
Fred Says Fuck: i think i might know why that is
Fred Says Fuck: [sent a photo: A dim shot, garishly lit by the phone’s flash, of Tim’s hand holding the cursed mirror from artefact storage. The glass has been shattered, and several pieces are missing.]
Fred Says Fuck: this is what was jabbing me
Fred Says Fuck: i must have landed on it when i fell
G-G-Ghost??: Christ.
G-G-Ghost??: Elias no longer has any barrier keeping him from seeing into your mind.
G-G-Ghost??: He knows everything now.
scooby snacc: okay okay im going to meet you all in the archives and we can regroup there, let’s just? i dunno, figure this out somehow?
scooby snacc: we are so close. we can’t give up now.
scooby snacc: besides, elias will make our lives a living hell if we do.
G-G-Ghost??: Martin, I. Ah.
G-G-Ghost??: I agree with you.
G-G-Ghost??: But there is a problem.
scooby snacc: you mean other than the already awful glaring problem that from here on out, elias will be several steps ahead of us at all times??
scooby snacc: wait, im trying to get into the hall leading to the archives but i can’t
scooby snacc: the door is locked. how is it locked?
Fred Says Fuck: hey can someone let us out?? the door to the tunnels is stuck
Fred Says Fuck: please hurry it’s freaky af down here and Hunter does not sound happy
G-G-Ghost??: It appears Peter Lukas has been busy.
scooby snacc: oh god
scooby snacc: jon is it possible for you to work on the locks from your side?
G-G-Ghost??: I could try, but I don’t have the key, and the trapdoor to the tunnels is heavily padlocked.
scooby snacc: we’ve got to be able to do something! i mean, how are we to do the ritual if we aren’t reciting it together?
scooby snacc: jon? can’t you Know any alternatives?
scooby snacc: sasha??
Oh no my glASSes: In all the threads I have studied, the ritual only works if we all do it . And right now, from what I can tell, those locks are not going anywhere until the fête is over .
Oh no my glASSes: I’m so sorry, Martin . There's no way out of this .
Oh no my glASSes: Elias has won .
Chapter End Notes
does this count as a cliffhanger? maybe. please don't steal my kneecaps i have a Plan
still i hope you liked the chapter!! :))i had never heard the phrase "to look at someone as though they hung the moon" until i read muse's fic The Misguided Matchmaker so ty muse i stole your cool phrase
also GC,, back at it again -
me earlier: sasha won't have a spidery transformation
GC: :(
me: i have, in fact, decided that i was WrongKudos are always appreciated and comments are always read, responded to, and used to motivate me through the final 2 chapters (which in all likelihood will be long as heLL)
You can chat with me @starryknightart on insta <3
quick announcement! (not chapter 43)
hey guys!
the end of june was really busy for me, and I didn't have enough time to write for today, so the final chapter (excluding the epilogue) will be posted next friday, or sometime thereabouts.
thanks for hanging in just a bit longer <3
as above, so below
Chapter Summary
The archival staff confront Elias one last time.
Chapter Notes
CW are listed in the ending notes because spoilers! There is nothing crazier than anything done in canon.
I know it has been a long, long wait, but in any case, I hope you enjoy the final chapter (epilogue not included!) of this fic <3
See the end of the chapter for more notes
Saturday, 8:03 pm
“jonah’s personal funeral planners”
scooby snacc: any luck yet? with um. anything?
G-G-Ghost??: I have been doing my best to break the padlock that Peter Lukas secured to the trap door, but have had no luck thus far. Even the chains attached to the lock are comically thick. I’ll need no less than a battering ram to make a dent.
Fred Says Fuck: legit tho we can hear you slamming it from down here, and we’re not even near the exit anymore lmaoo
Fred Says Fuck: The Archivist Effort ™
G-G-Ghost??: Well, I’d prefer it if you weren’t mauled by an avatar of the Hunt, hence my heightened “Effort”.
G-G-Ghost??: Speaking of which, isn’t she currently chasing you down? You seem oddly calm.
Oh no my glASSes: She hasn’t broken free from the web yet, so we’re trying to find Leitner . We figured he could point us to a secondary exit !
G-G-Ghost??: Ah, perhaps he’ll finally be good for something in this world.
Fred Says Fuck: SDKFL JON GET HIS ASS
Fred Says Fuck: hey marto how’s life aboveground ;))
scooby snacc: well, elias is sort of staring me down? from across the room? im trying to figure out a way down to the archives that doesn’t involve breaking down the door, and he keeps peering through the crowd of guests, giving me this haughty look, like im trying to do something impossible. like he thinks it’s funny im still trying.
Fred Says Fuck: bitch boy
Oh no my glASSes: He’s such a bastard .
G-G-Ghost??: Perhaps you could give him second-degree burns, as a complimentary gift.
scooby snacc: tempting! ill think about it.
scooby snacc: tim, sasha, any idea where leitner may be? you two are our first priority since youre um. you know. trapped in a pitch black supernatural tunnel system alongside a blood-thirsty eldritch hybrid.
scooby snacc: wait, tim, do you think you could Lonely-travel yourself and sasha out of the tunnels??
Fred Says Fuck: been there tried that,,,,,i dont think the Lonely likes the idea of me transporting someone else so that we can both be safe together,,,that’s kinda like the opposite of what it wants me to do
Fred Says Fuck: also tbh my head is too hurty and weird and things arent super in focus so even Lonelifying myself seems uhhh pretty sus
Fred Says Fuck: not that id abandon my darling spiderwoman <3
Fred Says Fuck: sLEFKJ THAT SCARED THE HELL O UT OF ME
scooby snacc: what???
Oh no my glASSes: We found Leitner sitting in the dark, directly in the middle of one of the narrowest corridors .
Oh no my glASSes: Tim is yelling at him already .
G-G-Ghost??: As he should.
Oh no my glASSes: Leitner is muttering nonsense . I think he’s still worried about that scary eye monster that was down here a few weeks ago …
Oh no my glASSes: Tim just punched him in the face .
scooby snacc: oh why?
scooby snacc: and by that i mean: for which of the many, many reasons available to him did tim assault this man?
Oh no my glASSes: Probably calling Jon an Eye Terror . Also not giving us directions .
G-G-Ghost??: That would do it.
Oh no my glASSes: He keeps mumbling about the center of the tunnels, but that’s not the exit .
scooby snacc: isn’t that...where elias put his original body? i think he boasted that in the emails?
Oh no my glASSes: Yes, but it doesn’t help us avoid being ripped apart, and it doesn’t help us with the ritual .
Sasha to Martin
Sasha: Martin, this does actually help us with the ritual .
Sasha: Or at least it might .
Sasha: I don’t know, I’m rethinking things now .
Sasha: I’m texting you directly because Tim can’t suspect what I’m surmising; if he knows, so does Elias .
Martin: oh! right, understood.
Martin: won’t he see you texting someone though…?
Sasha: He’s too busy being angry at Leitner . Anyway, this won’t take long .
Sasha: Maybe we don’t have to target Elias himself . What if we do the ritual on his original body ?
Martin: do you think that’s where his avatar stuff comes from?
Sasha: It’s possible . I’ll have a better sense of it once I’m there . That’s another perk of the Web: when you’re on the trail to power, it resonates down the thread . Like a struggling insect. Or, alternatively, a spider tugging on the line, testing its strength .
Sasha: I can feel something twitching at the center of the tunnels, but only once we’re there, at the Panopticon, will I be able to judge whether it is a spider or an insect .
Sasha: For now I’ll tell Tim I remembered a way out. I’ll actually be leading him to Jonah’s body, which he’ll figure out, so we need to act quickly . Elias cannot know where we’re going, which means we need to keep him out of Tim’s mind at all costs .
Martin: i suppose i could try and make a distraction? not sure how to keep it prolonged enough that elias would stay out of tim’s thoughts for the rest of the evening.
Martin: tim would actually be better for this.
Martin: he’d probably do something to throw the party into chaos.
Martin: im just not sure how he’d go about that? im not um. the one with access to his thoughts.
Sasha: Martin, do you not remember how you double-teamed Tim and I on April Fool’s Day and gave us both long-lasting trust issues ? That was all you .
Martin: ahah um. yeah maybe :’)
Martin: wait
Martin: oh my god. that reminds me...
Martin: i know exactly what to do.
Martin to Jon
Martin: you’re not going to enjoy what’s about to happen, but i promise it’s worth it.
Jon: If it involves you putting yourself in harm’s way, then no, it’s not.
Martin: oh i’ll be fine! i just think the two of us may have to deal with some minor nausea :))
Jon: You do realize that doesn’t make your previous message less worrisome?
Martin: we’ve got to distract elias from tim’s thoughts while he and sasha check out elias’s original body, and since we no longer have the mirror, we’ll need to resort to some...tried-and-true methods…
Jon: Oh.
Jon: Christ.
Martin: :)))
Jon: The fact that this task fills me with more dread than the ritual itself raises some concerns for my mental state.
Jon: I’ll have to check that the printer isn’t broken again.
Martin: even if it is, im heading to the upper floors now since they aren’t blocked off to me, so i’ll be able to print a lot from up there. still, it would just help if there were more copies being made, you know?
Jon: Right. I’ll get to it––against all natural instinct. Which is screaming for me to do otherwise, might I add.
Martin: i warned you you wouldn’t enjoy it! but it doesn’t put either of us through physical danger, which is good :))
Jon: On the grounds that my skin is crawling merely from pulling up the photo on my computer, I sincerely beg to differ.
Martin: at least they won’t be hung up around your office space this time… <3
Jon: I feel as though I’m grasping for straws, but yes, I have that. At the very least, I have that.
Elias to Peter
Elias: Peter, it’s happening again. The replication of that damned photograph.
Elias: I should never have let any of the archival staff leave this space, especially Martin. He is incompetent, yes, but also disturbingly resilient. I should have foreseen him trying something like this.
Elias: It would be poor form to leave my guests, so I require you to find Mr. Blackwood and put an end to this tomfoolery. Quickly, now. It is becoming more and more difficult to keep my Eyes on Timothy.
Peter: Poor little Eli. How does it feel to be a normal person again?
Elias: I wouldn’t know. I am, and always have been, exemplary. With or without the assistance of Beholding.
Peter: Oh?
Elias: Had you known me back then, in my original body, you would have no trouble agreeing. Pity you couldn’t have made the effort to be born during my era.
Peter: Oh, of course. I’ll just try harder next time.
Elias: Tsk. Have you yet located the source of our problem?
Peter: He has barricaded himself in the printer room on the top floor, but the window within the door is still clear. Looks like he’s been busy. It’s quite a spectacular sight, seeing so many of you all over the floor. Fitting, in a way.
Elias: What in the Hell is that supposed to mean?
Elias: If I were you, I would choose my next words very, very wisely.
Peter: All I mean is that you have so much influence over the Institute, so it’s fitting to see your presence in multitudes.
Elias: But on the floor?
Peter: You are also the foundation of the Institute. Where would anyone be without a solid foundation?
Elias: It may be in your best interests to resign from the boating industry, Peter. I think your talent lies with comedy. You are very funny.
Elias: I am laughing.
Peter: Aside from the fact that I highly doubt you are actually laughing right now, I think the proper way to dictate that is L.O.L.
Elias: I will dictate it how I want. Now, quit messaging me until Martin has been successfully stopped. I do not appreciate the lack of clear-headedness I am currently experiencing, and would be grateful if this symptom were to be extinguished. With haste, Peter.
Peter: I’ll try, but…well.
Peter: You know how I am with technology.
-Incoming Group Voice Call: “jonah’s personal funeral planners”-
[When the call picks up, Sasha’s line cuts through with sprinting footsteps echoing off stone, desperate breaths, the distant snarl of something almost human.
Jon: What’s going on?
Sasha, winded, between breaths: She’s loose––We’ve got a head start but––she’s fast.
Tim, equally as winded: These shoes––are not meant––for tunnel chases! I hate this! I hate blisters! Ow!
Sasha: Martin, update us?
Martin, audibly distracted: Um, well, Elias should be pretty much…blocked by now? I’ve engaged all the printers in the top floor, and Peter came up to shut them down, but somehow made them print faster? Which is…good. So now I’m heading to print some more downstairs––Sorry, um, aren’t you guys in imminent danger right now?
Sasha: I mean––
Tim, laughing breathlessly: Wait, wait, wait––You’re printing out those fucking photos? And––and Peter found the––[more exhausted, vaguely unhinged laughing]––Is it my birthday? This is the best thing ever. Taking down Elias with those––motherfucking photos.
Sasha: Tim, we’re going to the Panopticon––and you couldn’t know before––
Tim: Because––of the mirror?
Sasha, agreeing: Because of the mirror. But we’re going to kill Elias––by killing Jonah.
Tim: But if we’re not all down here––
Sasha: We can do what we’re doing now––we can call, and say the ritual––at the same time.
Jon: Will that work?
Sasha: It has to.
Jon: But… will it? Sasha, think about this.
Sasha, breathing hard: Doing my best!
Jon: Right, well––Just––
Tortured, slightly distant screams scrape through the air, intercut with pleading and incomprehensible bargaining. A gratified roar overhauls it, and in the proceeding quiet, over the sound of Tim and Sasha running for their lives, we hear the distant sounds of squelching and wet ripping.
Martin: Is that––or, was that…?
A long, knowing silence.
Tim, somewhat delirious: You know what they say about the, uh––the bear?
Sasha, very on edge: What?
Tim: If you’re being chased by a bear, you don’t need to be––faster than the bear. You just have to be––faster than the other guy.
Martin huffs out an anxious, humourless laugh.
Jon: Is it ludicrous to be dissatisfied with the fact that Leitner wasn’t done in by one of his books?
Martin and Tim, both with genuine heaviness to their voices: No.
Sasha: That…would have been fitting. But this seems good, too. He got to––to indirectly help the person he indirectly harmed.
Martin: Yeah, I guess so.
Tim, reluctant to agree: Whether or not he meant to do either one. Rest in pieces, Jurgen. [Pause.] ‘S good I got to punch him when I did.
Jon tries to cover up his laughter by holding the phone away and muffling it, but it still comes through, quietly.
Sasha, her voice echoing less severely: We’ve made it to the Panopticon. It’s…wow. It’s…
Tim: It’s a lot.
Sasha: It’s a lot.
Their footsteps slow from a sprint, but remain brisk. The sound quality is clearer and wider, as the tunnel has ballooned to a space the size of a colosseum.
Tim: You’re telling me we’ve got to climb a bazillion steps after running our arses off for fifteen minutes?
Sasha: Unless you would like to fly us up with your Vast powers, which you definitely have after riding a zip line once.
Tim: Okay but listen––
Sasha, smiling audibly: I’m listening.
Tim, after a thoughtful pause: Nah, I don’t have time for you.
Sasha: Aw.
Tim: What if you spider-sling us up?
Sasha: If I thought I could, I would! [She starts the climb, her shoes clapping on the stone.] It’s leg day, Stoker.
Tim, from somewhere behind her: Easy to say when you didn’t just eat so many fucking cupcakes.
Jon, his voice mired in worry: Sasha, what I was saying earlier––
Sasha: Oh, right. Yes?
Jon: What if the ritual doesn’t work? With only two of us physically there, I mean? Alternatively, after a successful ritual on the original body, what if Elias’s consciousness remains in his new body? What if he feels his old body die, but his powers remain with him? Doesn’t that seem…possible? If not probable?
Sasha’s line goes quiet. She’s stunned into silence.
Jon: I realize you have thought the current plan through, and it makes logical sense, but I wanted you to see it from another perspective. We can’t afford to be wrong about this.
Sasha: You’re right.
Jon: If we could consider––Oh. You––I’m sorry, what?
Sasha, garnering more confidence as she speaks: Annabelle messaged me something recently, and I thought I figured it out––I thought it meant we would target Jonah’s body instead. But no––“You can’t kill him together.” I assumed she was just foreseeing how Tim and I got trapped down here, away from you and Martin, which would then mean that we would have to perform the ritual while apart. But [short, relieved laugh] there is actual reasoning to us being separated!
Tim, from a slight distance down the steps, out of breath: Is it to force me––into doing––more cardio?
Sasha, cheeky: Nope, that’s just a perk.
Tim, pained: A perk?
Sasha: The main reason is so that we can get Jonah and Elias at the same time. If two of us do the ritual on his original body, and two of us do the same ritual on his current body––
Martin, utterly in awe: There will be nowhere for him to escape to.
Sasha: Exactly, Martin. We’ll finally have him trapped. No way out.
Sasha’s breath catches; she and Tim stop climbing. Silence.
Jon: Is everything––?
A slow, distant roar reverberates into the Panopticon. Tim hisses something at Sasha, and the two of them re-start their ascent––more rapidly this time.
Sasha, whispering directly into her phone: Get Elias into position as soon as you can. Call us when you do.
A second, more voracious roar rips across the stone, startlingly human, rising in excitement and pitch. Sasha, still climbing, suppresses a whimper.]
Elias to Peter
Elias: Peter, have you dealt with the problem? My blind spot has not yet lessened. On the contrary, in fact.
Elias: Peter, respond.
Elias: It has been several minutes since my prior message. If you are in danger, I will not assist you unless you confirm that my presence is required.
Elias: This is your final warning.
Elias to Martin
Elias: Where is Peter Lukas?
Martin: ...What?
Elias: Was my phrasing unclear?
Martin: Nope, honestly just a bit startled that you’re texting me.
Martin: I didn’t know you knew how to text.
Elias: Don’t be absurd, of course I know how to send text messages.
Elias: Unlike some, apparently.
Elias: Peter has not been responding to my messages. The last time I conversed with him, he was upstairs with you. Why is he refusing to text message me back?
Martin: Hm. Maybe he’s busy with the printers?
Elias: What? He should have shut them off by now.
Martin: Oh. Um, yes. That’s what he’s doing.
Elias: Martin, what are you skirting around?
Martin: What? Nothing.
Elias: I am far from an idiot. Even in your messages it is clear you are hiding something. Spit it out.
Martin: Well…
Martin: Peter might be too busy to look at his phone because he’s maintaining the print backlog. Actually, he’s surprisingly adept at working the printer. With him here, we’re printing twice as many photos as I would have done alone.
Martin: If he still worked here, I’d suggest you give him a raise :)
Martin to Jon
Martin: im coming down!! elias soon to be in tow :))
Jon: Christ, what did you do?
Martin: oh i told elias that peter was actively printing out more photos.
Martin: not completely a lie! since he actually did make them print faster!
Martin: and i stole peter’s phone when he was preoccupied. as a bonus.
Martin: so now i’m heading down to the archives while elias figures out he’s been played. :p
Jon: You are incredible. Truly.
Jon: But how are you getting down to the archives? The door is still locked.
Jon: And it’s not as though you can burn it down, that will attract far too much attention from the guests. Assuming the fête is still going on on the ground floor, that is. I can’t tell much from down here.
Martin: i mean yeah, the guests will know if i burn down the whole door.
Martin: but those hinges look fairly meltable…
Jon: Ah. Right.
Jon: Do hurry, though. Elias could be right on your tail.
Jon: Don’t let him take you off guard.
Martin: i’m looking over my shoulder, and it doesn’t seem like he’s here yet? but i’ll be as quick as i can.
Martin: see you soon?
Jon: Yes, see you in a moment.
Jon: Please be careful.
-Incoming Voice Call: Martin to Sasha-
[Through Sasha’s line, we hear the hollow sound of cavernous space and, from the surrounding tunnels, the occasional scrabbling of claw on stone. Through Martin’s line, there comes the deliberate ripping of thick-sounding paper, as well as the wheeze of an ancient printer.
Martin: Ah––I’m putting you on speakerphone. Hello?
Sasha: Hi! Have you got Elias there?
Martin: Almost. Jon’s ripping up some statements so I’m guessing Elias’ll feel that, even without Seeing it. He’ll be along. Are you both okay?
Tim, from a slight distance: Yeah, just vibing with a musty old corpse.
Martin makes a sympathetic sound of disgust.
Sasha: Jonah did not age well. I half expected his original body to look as fresh as the day he…left it. As vain as he is, you know. It would make sense for him to figure out a way to preserve himself better.
Jon, pausing in his statement-ripping: He isn’t exactly adept at preserving his current body, in any case.
Tim: Oh my GOD. [Sasha shushing him; Tim snickering, half-whispering:] Don’t blame me, that was murderous .
Sasha: Speaking of––What will our signal be? To start the ritual? We shouldn’t start until we’re sure Elias won’t be able to make any sudden escapes.
Tim: We should have a code word! Like, uh. Papaya. But like… [audibly winking] pap- eye -a.
Jon, haughty: Or we could say, “Let’s begin.” And then we’ll begin.
Tim: Wow, I never would have thought of that. The creativity––
Martin: Um, how about I just count down from three?
Tim: Three papaya…two papaya––
Sasha: Maybe Plan 14 for the Fears in the ritual? Or a hydrangea. Or calliope.
Jon: I thought it was pronounced call- i -o-pe.
Martin, frantically: Wait. Guys, I think he––
The sound of a door swinging sharply open. A tense moment of silence.
Elias, his voice dripping with malice: I do hope I’m not interrupting anything?
Martin: Ah, no? [His voice cracks; he clears his throat.] Nothing, really. Just doing some…much-needed spring cleaning.
Elias: I know what you’re up to. And I’ve come to put an end to it before you embarrass yourselves further than you already have. [The door latches behind him, and his polished dress shoes clip lazily, yet neatly, across the floor.] This ritual you have concocted is nonsense. It is a poorly drafted offshoot of the true rituals in written existence––which, despite their elegance and precision, have all failed. [His footsteps come to a stop.] Yet you believe yours is different. Not because of the content, per se, but because you are all… [He scoffs.] marked.
Jon, with scorn: That is how it works. We know about the ritual you meant for me to read. According to your own writing, the marks are what distinguished it––
Elias: Yes, yes, I know what I wrote, Jon. [His smirk is audible, soaked to the brim with smugness.] This was all very clever, getting me down here. Bravo. But––might I ask?––how, exactly, do you plan on performing this ritual with only two of you present?
Tim, on speakerphone: Hmmm. Not sure? But I’m guessing we’ll figure something out.
Sasha: Oh, if only there was some way of communicating from a distance. There’s got to be something , don’t you think?
Tim: I dunno, it’s not like we have modern technology at our disposal.
Elias takes a moment to stew in his frustration.
Then, with a snarl: Fine. If you insist on being difficult, I am forced to share with you some regrettable information.
Martin: Which is?
Elias: When this ritual fails––and it will fail––I am going to shred your lives into nothing. I am going to tailor each waking day to your individual fears and sorrows, and I will do it so thoroughly that your existence will shrivel until it amounts to no more than pure and complete suffering. You will wish for death. And for most of you, when I am feeling audacious, I will provide it. In one sense or another. [He hums, thoughtful.] Perhaps I shall convince Jo Eberson to allow me the temporary use of their water park. A near-eternity alone, curled up and shivering, within the deepest pockets of the Buried would be, it seems, a wonderful fate to inflict.
Tim, shaken but trying to cover it: …Can we please papaya this bastard?
Elias: I’m. Not. Finished.
Jon: Yes, you are. You’ve stalled long enough.
Elias: You think I’m stalling? I’m merely giving you a warning . [His grin creeps back up and stains his words with dark glee.] And now that I’ve performed my centennial act of charity, I’d like to ask––how will you perform the ritual without all of the marks?
Jon, after a confused pause: I…We have all the marks.
Elias: Ah, yes, so you do. Forgive me. [He clears his throat.] I’m getting ahead of myself.
There is a rapid shifting of fabric, as of something removed from a coat pocket––Jon sucks in a panicked breath––then:
Two gunshots, in immediate succession.
Unsteady footsteps. Somebody stumbling back, heavily, against the wall.
Elias, chuckling: How about now?
Jon: No.
Tim, desperate, yet soft: Did he just––?
Martin, tightly: That was… [Pained laugh] I didn’t um––think you’d do something l-like––
Jon, stumbling his way out of shock and over to Martin’s side: Martin. Hey––hey, hey, Martin? Look at me, it’s going to be all right––
Martin: Wait, stop! Don’t t––Jon, stop. I’ll hurt you. Remember? You can’t touch me.
Jon, getting more and more upset: Well––Well, I don’t understand why I should… care about something like that at a––a time like this, and if I get set on fire then fine, so be it, I don’t––[Deep inhale, steadies his breath; quieter this time:] I love you.
Martin: Jon––
Jon: I love you and if you should set me on fire, then so be it. I don’t care.
Elias: I’m rather surprised he hasn’t died already. I’ve been practicing my aim since Gertrude––
Jon: You. [Static builds in the air, glitching out the audio; faintly, Jon’s footfalls are audible as he stalks across the floor.] Do you know what you’ve done?
Elias, with only the slightest hint of nervousness: Ah, yes. I’ve put two bullets in your assistant––er, partner’s chest. One of them should have gone straight through his heart. Perhaps my aim was off more than––
There is a scuffle, and the gun skitters across the floor. Martin rasps for them to stop, but neither of them do for another several seconds. When things do calm, the two of them are breathing hard––but Jon’s breath is shallow, wheezing. He can’t pull in enough air. Elias exhales a laugh.
Elias: If you think I won’t do it, you’re foolish. You’re the most powerful Archivist I have yet cultivated, but there were many before you, and there will be more after. I do admit, it has been a few decades since I’ve choked anyone to death, so my technique may be a bit rusty. But I’m sure you won’t mind, will you? Tsk. You probably don’t know the difference, anyway. Pity. It’s better when s––
Elias cries out; there is a desperate, agonized struggle, accompanied by the sound of sizzling flesh. His knees hit the floor as he doubles over in pain.
Elias: My…my Eyes…?
Martin: Nope. We kind of need those for the ritual to work right? So…just your face. Don’t worry, it’ll probably just look less like a burn and more like a, um. A birthmark?
Jon, short of breath but completely enamoured: Martin…How are you…?
Martin: Oh, um. Hang on, there’s one still… [The sound of a shirt rustling and something waxy being dug into.] Ta-da. Two bullets, piping hot. [The bullets clink as they drop to the floor.]
Jon: Did that…hurt?
Martin: Only a little. Which, in hindsight, doesn’t seem great? For my human-ness, and everything?
Jon: Right. Well. [He sighs.] Better than the alternative.
There is a peaceful lull wherein the only noise is Elias’s pained groans and the printer, still chugging out photos.
Sasha: Are you two okay? Like, truly okay?
(Simultaneously)
Tim: Can anyone tell me what the FUCK is going on?
Jon: …We should do the ritual now.
Martin: Yeah, we should.
Elias, in a wheeze: No…
Jon and Martin: Yes.
Martin: We’re okay, by the way. We’re fine. Somehow.
Sasha: Good enough.
Tim, incredulous: What!
Sasha: Good enough for now. Martin––start us off?
Martin: Oh! Right. Um. Okay. [He takes a steadying breath.] The Ritual , written by Martin K Blackwood. [Jon releases a breathy laugh, half out of relief.] Performed by him, Jon Sims, Tim Stoker, and Sasha James.
Jon: Statement begins?
Martin, quietly: Statement begins.
All of them, in unison, as the static rises:
We, the four, this mass of tangled terror,
have found a vulture
whose nest is made of stolen things
who sits and smiles and Watches and waits
for passers-by to stumble or die,
so that he may continue his nest.
He has not Drowned, like we have.
We, the four, this mass of pain,
have tread starless Dark,
skimmed the open Vast,
walked impossible corridors,
felt unknowable touch,
bled from the primal chase,
and strung Webs from strands of time.
We have hosted our bodies to
violence and infection and change,
and flame,
and mist.
We have lapsed quietly into the End.
And although this vulture watches us,
We, too, See him. We Know him.
[The stonework of the institute is rumbling, shifting around them. Above the din, Elias can be heard, barely, alternating between threatening and begging for them to stop. The voices of the archival staff only rise in volume, weaving themselves into perfect symbiosis, a perfect matching rhythm of speech, and it is as though their words all emanate from a single source.]
We, the four, this mass of Fear,
With everything we have,
Upend this vulture from his perch,
Letting him fall, flightless, to the ground.
With this, we close him off from the Fears as a whole, forever.
With this, we blind him.
Elias’s pleas abruptly cut off, and the remainder of his breath shudders out from his lungs.
The deep, all-encompassing rumbling of the collapsing institute turns deafening. There are frantic shouts from either line, but everything is too loud for any of the words to come through clearly.
Someone grabs Martin’s phone, and after a long moment of fumbling, the call ends.]
Chapter End Notes
CW: gun violence, burning skin (implied, not described in detail).
Guys this chapter was an absolute mammoth to write but I had so much fun doing it, even though writing an anti-elias ritual in martin's poetic style tested every molecule of my being
for your viewing pleasure, my notes for the end of this chapter were, word for word:
elias comes in, martin blocks the door - elias is like, well. this will have to do. *pulls out gun and shoots martin twice* - *waxy SFX as martin pulls out the bullets* - elias pleading for his life ASMR
i will do my best to get you guys the epilogue as soon as possible (without compromising quality, of course!)
Kudos are always appreciated, and comments are always read, responded to, and adored with every ounce of my angsty little soul.
You can chat with me @starryknightart on insta <3
epilogue
Chapter Summary
Jon, Martin, Sasha, and Tim allow themselves to live.
Chapter Notes
CW for some existential talk, nothing crazy tho, just like,,, Web stuff
sorry again for the delay! writing this part got me stressed because i wanted it to be perfect,,,and obviously, it's not perfect. but i think it is good. and i think it's what it should be.
get ready for a long-ass acknowledgement section afterwards :)))
anyhow - please enjoy the final installment of all of us were there <3
See the end of the chapter for more notes
- A Few Months Later-
Friday, August 20
12:34 pm
“local spooky bois”
susha jooms: It just hit me that we’re actually doing the thing tonight . As in, a handful of hours from now .
Timtim: hhh gofd
Timtim: it just hit me too
Timtim: im Slapped by anxiety
Timtim: and it’s not like i can slap back???
susha jooms: You’d think I’d be prepared for an event whose outcomes I’ve been keeping an eye on ever since we planned it, but apparently I am not .
Captain Trivia: It is…nerve-wracking, I’ll admit. Assuming we succeed, life will be very different.
*austin powers voice* hOT: yeah, but i mean it’ll also be for the best? sure, having what we have is cool and all, but it brings us way more harm than good. :/
*austin powers voice* hOT: like sure, it’s fun being able to find out the answer to almost any question just by asking sasha or jon! although it does make um. playing certain games impossible.
Timtim: look i said what i said, sasha’s banned from checkers and chess, jon’s banned from uno, battleship, clue, and everything else
susha jooms: Sounds like someone just doesn’t like to lose :)
Timtim: not when im playing against a CHEATER
Captain Trivia: In a true investigation, it would be useful to know from the start that Professor Plum committed the murder in the dining room with the candlestick. Forgive me for basing my actions on real-world functionality.
Timtim: ok but that’s nOT THE GAME JONATHAN
Timtim: jfc i fukcing can’t with you people
Timtim: marto’s right, once we do ritual 2.0, things will be better
Timtim: like sasha won’t get so existentially freaked out when something unexpected happens
Timtim: i’ll uhh stop accidentally dissipating various household appliances into the Lonely ;))
*austin powers voice* hOT: such as an entire mixing bowl of gingersnap dough :((
Timtim: ok shhh i was eating some and got d i s t r a c t e d
Timtim: martin,, you’ll be able to hug people without needing to put on a whole protective later,, that’s an important one!
susha jooms: Yes !
Timtim: and jon won’t go routinely catatonic,, or have to go creeping around downtown in search of people’s trauma
Timtim: we won’t have to worry about him so much
Timtim: that one is also very important
Timtim: although uh,,,, despite the fact that we’re currently staying at Kit’s place while he’s off being a celebrity, and thus do not pay much rent,,,some of us are still gonna need to look for some new jobs lmaoo
susha jooms: I was just getting suited to mine, too ! I’m the best psychic they’ve ever had :)
susha jooms: Although, since I’ve got a setup within the bookstore itself, I’m sure they’d let me transfer to a different department for the time being .
*austin powers voice* hOT: i hope so! my situation is um. less flexible? although i guess it’s not necessarily a job i’ll have to leave. i’ll just need to be a bit more careful :I
Timtim: every single time i think about your job i start laughing
Timtim: i can’t even explain why it’s just amazing
*austin powers voice* hOT: maybe you could take my spot if i leave? :’)
Timtim: ahaha no i don’t have the patience Or sculpting flair Or heat tolerance for glass-blowing ;)) i just like watching
*austin powers voice* hOT: hm i never would have guessed from the dozens (!) of times you’ve come in and acted like a prospective customer just to get a tour of the shop :)
Timtim: i’ve not once done that ever ;)) must have been a bunch of my doppelgangers
Timtim: actually you know what? i take that the fuck back ;)))))
Timtim: no clones or Not-Me fakers went in my place, that’s a stoker guarantee
Captain Trivia: I think we’ll need something a bit more accredited than that.
Timtim: why do you like to hurt me
Captain Trivia: It’s my main source of entertainment.
Timtim: Unsurprising™
Timtim: anyway,,,,,yes i like th glass shop but! surprisingly i actually vibe with my st ives marina job
Timtim: it features several things that scare the living hell out of me, such as: Lots of Water
Timtim: and this was intentional on my part
Timtim: but actually, it’s getting better
Timtim: and it’s making me better
Timtim: im working on the docks pretty much all day, helping people rent out fishing charters and speedboats or whatever,, and at first i just,,,, couldnt handle it. id watch them cruise out of port and id have to run back into the office and take a breather because it was like? id just sent them drifting toward whatever horror was waiting out in the open ocean. id just killed them. or done much worse.
Timtim: but you know what ive started to realize? they always come back. every time.
Timtim: sometimes theyre a bit sunburnt and battered from waterskiiing, or they’ve crashed the boat into something on their way in, but aside from that,,,they’re completely, 100% okay.
Timtim: ive actually been asking my boss about integrating kayak lessons,,,like once i get up the nerve to get myself alone on the water, i think i could do those. maybe even some very charismatic guided tours of the area? who knows ;))
susha jooms: Hmm, how much for a private lesson ?
Timtim: gotta be honest sash,,,not sure you could afford my rates,,,,,
susha jooms: RUDE .
susha jooms: Don’t I get a housemate discount ? :(
Timtim: the boating business is cutthroat sasha ;))
*austin powers voice* hOT: what if i bring a tea tumbler and biscuits…?
Timtim: marto rides for free
susha jooms: EXCUSE ME .
*austin powers voice* hOT: :p
Captain Trivia: I’m almost afraid to ask what I would have to do in order to get a lesson from you.
Timtim: 500 pounds upfront
Captain Trivia: For a single lesson?
Timtim: for the application fee ;)))
Captain Trivia: That’s absurd.
Timtim: im in high demand! just in the past 30 seconds ive got two new clients on the waiting list. what else im i supposed to do, jon? this is basic supply and demand theory, econ 101
Timtim: tell you what,, after ritual 2.0 i’ll bring you guys out to check out the boats and the kayaks. it’ll be empty and quite, plus we’ve got an unobstructed view of the coast and the western sky,, it’s a whole mood
Timtim: that is, if our resident fortune teller finds it in our best interests?
susha jooms: It seems safe to me !
*austin powers voice* hOT: i haven’t gotten a chance to really look around the harbour, or really um. exist near any large body of water lately? but i think i’m at the point where i’d be okay with it. so yeah, i’d definitely like that.
Captain Trivia: I’d certainly welcome the opportunity to get some fresh air.
Timtim: then it’s settled ;)))) marina party tonite, plus potential mini cruise, very exclusive
Timtim: and dont forget about the entrance fee! 5 kilos of solid gold each,, ty in advance
Captain Trivia: Funny. :-)
Timtim: # jon sims stop threatening me with emoticons challenge
Captain Trivia: Now, why would I do that?
Timtim: bc you care about my wellbeing
Captain Trivia: Hm.
Timtim: you wound me
Timtim: my soul is collapsing into ash
Captain Trivia: That seems a bit melodramatic.
Captain Trivia: Ah, it’s already nearing 13h. Perhaps you should get back to work?
Timtim: youre not my boss anymore you can’t tell me what to do
Timtim: on an unrelated note im gonna head back to work
Timtim: my lunch break may be over but this conversation is not
Timtim: im coming for you sims
Captain Trivia: Well, I’d expect so. We do live together.
Timtim: o my fukcing god
*austin powers voice* hOT: and those were tim stoker’s last words
susha jooms: K.O.
*austin powers voice* hOT: there is absolutely no mercy to be found in this group chat :’)
Captain Trivia: And there never shall be. >:-]
2:12 pm
Sasha to Jon
Sasha: Hey, mind if I chat with you about something ? I just need a second opinion .
Jon: Of course.
Sasha: So, honestly, I’m worried about tonight .
Sasha: Not about the ritual itself . I’m confident it will work and everything . We have all the marks, so we can most definitely un-avatar ourselves .
Jon: What’s the problem, then?
Jon: Oh.
Jon: I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to Know. I just
Jon: It just came to me.
Sasha: That’s been happening more as of late, hasn’t it ?
Jon: I promise it isn’t intentional. Perhaps it’s the lack of statements? I’m reminded, rather unfortunately, of starving animals becoming hypersensitive to the slightest whiff of blood.
Jon: Although I doubt I’m dying, per se. Consequently, I’m not sure knowledge starvation would fully kill me. It would just make me worse. Make me slip further away from myself, my humanity.
Jon: I apologize, Sasha. I believe me finding out the nature of your concerns may have loosened some of my own. But this isn’t about me.
Sasha: Actually, I relate to a lot of what you just said .
Sasha: I’m terrified of losing myself, Jon . I don’t want to turn into some half-conscious creature dissolving into the strands of time . I want to be able to go for drinks and get absolutely plastered, and I want to be able to get frustrated at Tim when he does something stupid . I want to get caught off-guard when I stub my pinky toe . I want to be a fucking person . A normal, 100% non-eldritch person .
Sasha: But I don’t know if I can bring myself to give it up .
Sasha: Right now, I could say with confidence whether or not we should or shouldn’t be in a certain place or do a certain activity . I can guide us through life in such a way that we won’t ever have to deal with something like the waterpark––or the Institute, for that matter––again .
Sasha: But If I go through with the ritual, I can’t keep us safe anymore . We’ll just be careening around, not knowing where the danger is . Anything could go wrong at any time .
Sasha: And wouldn’t it be so selfish of me to give up this gift when I could keep you three, the people I love, safe for the rest of your lives ? If I renounced the Web, and then something happened to one of you––something I could have prevented––the guilt would eat me alive .
Jon: It sounds as though you’ve made up your mind.
Sasha: God, I wish .
Sasha: It’s just that if I don’t unavatar myself now, I won’t get another chance . I’ll be stuck, no matter what I become . There’ll be no rescuing me from myself .
Sasha: I guess you could say I’m having doubts .
Jon: Well, given the circumstances, that seems reasonable.
Jon: I’d like to tell you that there is a simple way to think about this, but that would be dishonest. It’s all very messy. Everything feels like a mistake these days, one way or another.
Jon: Perhaps I should mention that I’ve been looking into teaching.
Sasha: Can’t say I’m surprised ! :)
Sasha: That’s wonderful news, Jon . You’ll be splendid at it .
Jon: Thank you. But there is a reason I brought it up besides reassuring my housemate that I will not, in fact, be unemployed forever.
Jon: I have no intention of returning to high academia, so rather than finding a professorial position, I’ll need to train as a grade school teacher. This is…frightening, but manageable.
Jon: However, if I’m to spend my time in a school, I cannot allow myself to pose even the slightest threat to the safety of my students. I have no choice but to detach myself from the Eye. Now, maybe I could manage it if I had statements to tide me over, but the fact of the matter is that I do not. I’m hardly managing things as they are. I don’t exactly enjoy wandering around downtown until I pinpoint somebody who has had an unfortunate encounter with an Entity, but it’s the only thing I can think about sometimes.
Jon: I can’t imagine supervising a classroom while also restraining my Sight. So for me, the decision is obvious.
Jon: I suppose what I’m attempting to communicate, albeit poorly, is that I want to be alive.
Jon: Not just alive in the physical sense. Engaged with life. Living.
Jon: And I want those around me to have the same ability. You, Martin, Tim. Prospective students. I think this attachment we have to the Entities is keeping our lives at bay. And it’s insidious because we can’t always see how much it affects us. We’re looking out through glass that dulls the colour. We’re trying to make sense of awareness while half-asleep.
Jon: If you continue on with the Web, it will always worry you. You’ll have its influence steering your thoughts, your reactions, your likes and dislikes. And that’s the thing, isn’t it? If all of those things are fabricated, where has the real you gone? Where is the Sasha I met all those years ago in artefact storage? The brilliant, witty, conspiracy-loving person who by all means should have been put in charge of the archives instead of the likes of me?
Jon: You want to keep the security you think you have. You don’t want to potentially lose one of us, and trust me, I understand that. But Sasha, if you do this, you will be giving up your own life.
Jon: And I don’t want to lose you. Especially not to the fucking Web.
Sasha: Well .
Sasha: That was very comprehensive .
Jon: A complex problem requires a complex response.
Sasha: I’m going to take some time to think about all of this . I really don’t know what to say right now .
Sasha: But I do want to say thank you . Not just for sharing your opinion, but for not shooting down my point of view .
Jon: I wouldn’t want you to think I’m not listening.
Sasha: You know, I could probably hack you a teaching certificate …
Jon: Hm. What a wonderful way to start a career. Lies and deceit.
Sasha: It worked for Martin ! :)
Jon: Yes, well, Martin is an anomaly. He distracted us with his tea and his charm.
Sasha: At the very least, I can have Elias pay for your training . As I recall, he left a substantial amount of money to each of his employees …
Jon: I still don’t know how you managed to disperse Institute funds even somewhat legally, but yes, I will allow Jonah to do one good thing for me.
Jon: Do you think anyone mourned him? There was a funeral, technically, but do you suppose anyone…cared?
Sasha: Is it bad to hope there was ?
Jon: It’s understandable.
Sasha: Maybe Peter Lukas . Maybe not at first .
Jon: Tim saw The Tundra pass near the marina last month, didn’t he? Perhaps that was his way of acknowledging what we did.
Sasha: Let’s just hope it’s not a threat ? I mean, if it was really him, he was blatantly showing us he knows where we live and where we work .
Sasha: If he is planning something, it’s too far in the future for me to find .
Jon: I suppose we’ll have to board that ship when it docks, so to speak.
Jon: Until then, there is nothing for us to do but live.
6:12 pm
“local spooky bois”
*austin powers voice* hOT: picked up some post-ritual treats from the bakery across from work :)) using the elias fund, of course
Timtim: yeSSS youre the best, marto
Timtim: thx elias,, rest in pieces you grubby little cockroach >;)
Timtim: i’m j finishing up scrubbing down the boats but should be back within an hour
susha jooms: Jon and I will sit here on the couch in rapt anticipation until your arrival .
Captain Trivia: She jokes but I truly don’t know what to do with myself at the moment. Staring quietly at the wall is the least nauseating activity available.
Captain Trivia: The Eye Knows our plan. It does not approve of what is about to happen, and it has no qualms in letting me know via an all-encompassing discomfort not dissimilar to being placed in a microwave.
*austin powers voice* hOT: oh, that’s really, really not good
Captain Trivia: It’s fine.
Timtim: ??? um ok mr self-sabotage i definitely trust you
Timtim: i’ll be back asap
*austin powers voice* hOT: same here!
Timtim: dont be eye-fried before we get home,,,thanks in advance ;))
Captain Trivia: I doubt I have any say in the matter, but I’ll do my best to not be “eye-fried.”
Timtim: that’s the spirit! ;)))))
7:49 pm
Timtim renamed the group “humans but spicy”
*austin powers voice* hOT: what’s the spice..? :0
Timtim: trauma
*austin powers voice* hOT: lol oh right
susha jooms: [sent a photo: Taken from a small, cozy living space with worn but plush-looking furniture and a ceramic coffee table piled with books, half-empty tea mugs, and little glass baubles, all of which has been pushed against the walls. In the center of the room, Martin gleefully wraps Jon and Tim in a big bear hug, his glasses going lopsided from the way his face presses into Jon’s shoulder.]
susha jooms: No more blankets used as heat shields !
Timtim changed *austin powers voice* hOT ’s name to finally huggable!
finally huggable!: aww haha :’)
finally huggable!: i could say the same for you!
finally huggable! changed Timtim ’s name to hugged ;)
hugged ;): SLDKFSLK
susha jooms: The winky face makes it so cursed .
finally huggable!: well i had to personalize it >:I
hugged ;): i know,, and i appreciate you
hugged ;) changed Captain Trivia ’s name to know-it-all but in the normal way
know-it-all but in the normal way: Lovely.
hugged ;): dont kill me ;))
know-it-all but in the normal way: We’ll see.
hugged ;) changed susha jooms ’s name to fake psychic
fake psychic: Oh hush, I’m resigning from the position tomorrow .
hugged ;): nice i still have like 12 hours to tease you about it ;)))
fake psychic: You are insufferable :)
hugged ;): would you have me any other way?
know-it-all but in the normal way: Yes.
hugged ;): im nOT TALKING TO YOU
fake psychic: Yes .
finally huggable!: yeah
hugged ;): ;0
finally huggable!: im only joking! <33
fake psychic: Same . You are insufferable but it’s cute !
hugged ;): wbu jon ;))
know-it-all but in the normal way: Well.
know-it-all but in the normal way: No comment.
hugged ;): youre the worst,,, but ily
know-it-all but in the normal way: :-I
hugged ;): you know what i take it back
hugged ;): guys can i block him from the chat i feel threatened every single day by his emojis
know-it-all but in the normal way: If you do, I’ll find my way back in.
hugged ;): im legitimately terrified
hugged ;): you should’ve gotten the avatar of the fuckign,,,cursed texts to be your patron
know-it-all but in the normal way: Well, who’s to say what the future holds?
fake psychic: Not me :)
know-it-all but in the normal way: Not you.
hugged ;): are we just gonna skim past jons plans to join an emoji entity or,,,,
finally huggable!: um yep!
know-it-all but in the normal way: I’ll recruit the rest of you soon enough.
hugged ;): ahahha fear.png ;))
know-it-all but in the normal way: ]:-D
hugged ;): sTOP
hugged ;): im turning off my phone and having a lie down goodbye
8:03 pm
hugged ;): dID YOU REALLY JUST SLIDE THIS UNDER MY DOOR
hugged ;): [sent a photo: Tim’s hand grips a piece of printer paper on which :-) has been printed large enough to fill the entire sheet.]
know-it-all but in the normal way: No.
hugged ;): you’re gonna deny it????
fake psychic: I almost just spit out my water .
know-it-all but in the normal way: Prove it was me, then.
hugged ;): youre evil
finally huggable!: not to rush you two through um. whatever this is. but the sun’s going down in half an hour so we should head to the marina fairly soon?
hugged ;): at least there i’ll have a MINOR reprieve from jonathan’s torments
fake psychic: You’re starting to sound like Jon when he talks about you…
hugged ;): take that back right now,
fake psychic: Absolutely not .
hugged ;): im in my own personal hell ;’)
know-it-all but in the normal way: Now you know how it feels :-]
8:28 pm
hugged ;): [sent a video: At the marina, evening is settling into night. The boats tied along the docks dip and rise with the gentle pull of the tide and the ocean breeze, their hulls creaking as they move, glittering red and purple. Far past them, at the very edge of the sea, the sun bleeds softly into the horizon.
Tim: It’s…This is––Um. Wow. [He sighs, in awe.] I forgot what it was like.
Sasha, off-screen: What do you mean?
Tim: Just…being so warm.
After a long moment, the camera pans to the right and focuses on Sasha, whose gaze shifts from Tim to the lens.
Sasha, with a small smile: Documenting?
Tim: Absolutely. We’ve got some perfect cinematic lighting here! [Sasha chuckles. Then Tim says, more seriously:] I want to remember this.
Sasha: I’m glad you do. You can give me a copy of the footage.
Tim: I’ll give everyone a copy, whether they like it or not. I’ll airdrop like five to Jon’s phone.
Sasha snickers, then turns her face back to the sunset. She sobers.
Sasha: What will become of us, Tim?
Tim: Nothing good, I hope.
Sasha blows out a breath.
Tim: Do you really want a boring old happily ever after?
Sasha: Maybe. I guess it doesn’t matter what I want. Our lives will just happen, and all we can do is try to make them good.
Tim, singing: Que sera, sera––
Sasha, jokily singing along: Whatever will be, will be. Yeah. I know.
Tim: I know you know…that I know that you know that––
Sasha flicks him on the arm, and Tim wheezes and chokes as he fake-dies. Sasha reaches past the camera and covers his mouth with her hand, but he continues to dramatically perish, muffled now.
Sasha: If you die, we’re going on a sunset cruise without you.
Tim makes a disappointed noise. Sasha removes her hand.
Tim: Actually, I should get the boat ready. Here. [He hands her the phone, whose focus jitters down to the boardwalk, then up again to Tim, who heads down the dock. Over his shoulder, he shoots her some finger guns and says:] Keep it rolling, James.
Sasha turns and lowers the camera to capture her feet as she walks along the dock. Then she slows and sits with her legs hanging off the edge, right next to her other two housemates. She raises the camera to capture them; they’re sitting close to one another, holding hands. Jon raises an eyebrow at Sasha. Martin, the closer of the pair, waves at the lens.
Sasha: Anything profound you want included in Tim’s masterful documentary?
Jon: Oh for Christ’s sake.
Martin, as though reciting: Things can sometimes be okay!
Sasha: Is that from something?
Martin: It’s um. From my brain, just now. Does that work, or––?
Sasha, audibly smiling: It’s brilliant, utter perfection. Tim doesn’t know what a goldmine of profundity he has living with him
Martin, smiling back: As a poet, I believe that anything can be meaningful if you look at it hard enough.
Sasha: I’d like to test you on that!
Martin: I’d be up for the challenge.
Sasha: Great! I’m gonna go see if Tim needs an extra hand. [She transfers the phone to Martin, who fumbles it, then points it toward Jon, who refuses to acknowledge it.]
Martin: Ahem. Why don’t you, um, tell me about yourself, Mr. Sims?
Jon: Oh, there’s nothing to know, really. I’m an open book.
Martin: I really, really hope that was a joke.
Jon: Ah, right. I forgot. [He gives the camera a sardonic thumbs-up.] I believe this means I am, in fact, attempting humour.
Martin: Tell me something I don’t already know, then. [Genuine:] I like learning things about you.
Jon stares out at the waning sunlight, thoughtful, the wind sifting through his hair. Something flickers in his eyes, and he looks past the camera, directly toward Martin.
Jon: I’m happy.
Martin inhales. The corners of Jon’s mouth perk upward.
Jon: There. You’ve learned something.
Tim, from a distance: All aboard! This baby’s geared up and ready to roll!
Martin gets to his feet, then helps Jon stand. He lets the camera drift, and it focuses, canted, on the boardwalk.
Martin: You really meant that?
Jon: Of course.
Martin: And you’re happy with…um. With––
Jon, quietly aghast: Martin.
Martin: Just asking! Just making sure––
Jon: I wouldn’t be happy if not for you. [More affectionate:] Don’t doubt that.
Fabric rustles. The camera is handed over to Jon, but remains canted.
Martin: Anything you want to add to the video?
Jon pulls up the phone and spins the camera to face him. He glances over at Martin.
Jon: I think we’ve done enough.
Martin: Yeah, probably.
Jon turns his gaze back to the camera. He shakes his head, amused.
Jon: This is more than enough.
The camera dips down, catching a glimpse of the open violet sky, the horizon line, and Tim waving from one of the boats.
Then, finally, the video ends.]
Chapter End Notes
Well guys, here we are at the end. I have so much to say, but I’ll try to keep it somewhat quick and thoroughly spicy.
First off, I want to say thank you. To all of you who read this entire story. To all of you who left comments. I kid you not when I say that your thoughts, reactions, and excitement have been a major source of joy for me this past year. You’ve motivated me to experiment with writing in a way I never expected to, and at times you have quite literally changed the course of the fic in ways I never, ever would have foreseen.
When I started writing, I thought this project would end up around 30k, and would conclude shortly after a fun little trip to a local waterpark. But now, a little over a year later, we find ourselves with something a bit bigger, something a bit more complex. I am so proud of this project. It’s very strange, but very good. It has taught me that my writing doesn’t have to be perfect in order to make people happy.
One of the most lovely surprises that came about as a result of this fic was being able to connect with people. If you have commented twice or more, I recognize you and your commenting style. I’d get a little email notif, and particularly if it’s one of you absolute legends who commented frequently on the fic, my brain would go, “Yay, it’s *your account name*!” Sorry, but you’ve been perceived. I can’t turn it off! I recognize you being thoughtful and funny, and incredibly kind.
If you’re in the Discord, that’s a whole other level of getting-to-know-you, and it’s been splendid. You guys are the most chaotic (and RIDICULOUSLY talented) group of people I’ve ever had the pleasure of knowing, and I so, so look forward to the nonsense we’ll get up to.
(If you’d like, you are very welcome to join the server here: https://discord.gg/FzZ8eARMeW )
Also, don't forget to check out the fic gallery/the library of cursed elias chapter! There is a ton of incredible art for this fic (including cursed Eliases) in there that you may not have seen.
To conclude:
Thank you so much for all the support and all the confidence you have given me. As always, kudos are appreciated, and comments (even comments left in the future) will be read, responded to, and if I have a spare few hours to get organized, printed out and taped into a little booklet of inspiring words that help me take myself seriously. However - [EDIT Feb 18 2023] post-college life has given me a lot to do, and a lot of new priorities. I still want to respond to each and every comment, since it's what you deserve as a wholesome commenter, and it is per my word. It just may take me a laughably long time. But do know that your comments come directly to my email, and they will have been read, laughed and grinned at, and given the full flush of my adoration more or less immediately.
You can also chat with me @starryknightart on insta <3
:-)
